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So what if we turn financial conflict into connection? I am Rob West. Dr. Shane Enet joins us today to share six creative ways couples can build stronger relationships by having intentional financial conversations, what he calls money dates. And then it's on to your phone calls at 800-525-7000.
That's 800-525-7,000. This is Faith in Finance, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions. Joining us once again is Dr. Shane Enet, Associate Professor of Finance at Biola University and founder of the Biola Center for Financial Planning. He's also a trusted contributor to FaithPi.
And Shane, it is great to have you back. Yeah, thank you, Rob. Always a joy to be here and share these ideas.
Well, I'm particularly excited about this. Shane, this is a book that has needed to be written for a long time. This idea of money dates coming together as a couple. And let's start there. Why is it so important to intentionally schedule conversations about money rather than only addressing concerns as they come up, as they arise?
You know, with money, it's uh real personal, and when people get together They've done all these studies. One particular study that looked at 2,000 couples, half of them said they're uncomfortable. Talking about money because they're worried. They're worried that it's going to cause conflict. And so they end up not talking about it.
And that ends up burying the conflict and it becomes deeper. And then, you know, the study also showed that on average, couples have about 58 arguments about money per year. And so there's just this fear that creates something worse if you don't talk about it. And so you kind of have to maybe rip the bandaid and just get the conversation going. But I'm wanting to try and help it get it going where it's not painful, but actually kind of a fun experience.
Yeah.
Well, and Howard Dayton has talked about this for years. I mean, that was the first time I was introduced to this idea of a money date. And Howard would always say, at least monthly, you need to come together. And this isn't finger pointing. This is really about course corrections, getting on the same page.
It's about seeking understanding and driving toward our goals that should be informed by our values. But I think you've even taken it to another level because what you're telling us is these can actually be fun. And that's why I was so thrilled that you wrote this great article on six great money dates.
So why is this so important to talk about it this way as a date? You know, we just want to kind of grease the wheels to get the conversation going. And dating can be a lot of fun if you're intentional, if it's something that you want to do. And so, why not kind of combine something really fun with something maybe not as fun? And then, as you're connecting in this kind of fun date environment, then I think the money conversations actually end up being more fun than if you were just at home kind of in your normal day-to-day Yeah.
And the idea here is a regular rhythm, a place where you and your spouse come together to talk about money. But to Shane's point, these can be really enjoyable and you can have a great date at the same time.
So money date number one is about sharing your money story. Unpack this for us. Yeah.
So I think with money, there's a story behind how you're thinking about money, how you're feeling about it. There's a lot of experiences that we have growing up. And it's really important just, you know, as a couple, if you want to grow closer together and you want to understand where someone's coming from to learn about their experiences. And so to have an intentional time where you think about kind of early childhood memories around money, how your family thought about money, what kind of messages you heard about money from your family of origin, all those things can kind of get put together in a money biography or autobiography. And if you think about that ahead of time and then bring it to the date, you can share your story, let it just unfold.
At the date, at a good restaurant, while you're eating good food and enjoying kind of the atmosphere, and then you can really get some shared sense of empathy towards your partner. If they start kind of thinking some way or spending in a way that you don't agree with, then you can connect it to kind of their money story. Oh, I couldn't agree more, Shane. You know, one of the keys to getting on the same page as a couple as it relates to money is understanding. And there is nothing better than unpacking this question together that Dr.
Enet presents in date number one. What was your earliest memory of the concept of money? Knowing that could be a game changer. We're talking with Dr. Shane Enet today.
He is Associate Professor of Finance at Biola University. He's also the author of an article in issue number two of our Faithful Steward magazine called Six Great Money Dates. More dates right after this. I'm Rob West, and you're listening to Faith and Finance, biblical wisdom for your financial decisions. We'll be right back.
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It doesn't have to be that way. Thanks for joining us today on Faith and Finance. I'm Rob West. With me today, my friend Dr. Shane Enet.
He's associate professor of finance at Biola University. He's a regular contributor here at Faith and Finance, and he's the author of a great article in issue two of our magazine, Faithful Steward, called Six Great Money Dates: Six Dates You and Your Spouse Can Enjoy to Grow Closer to Each other and become better stewards of the resources God has entrusted to you. And Shane, before the break, you shared date number one, sharing your money story. Date number two is really intriguing, and you call it give together. Explain it to us.
You know, I uh I had a lot of fun giving adventures as a single guy in my 20s and into my early 30s. And my wife also, you know, was a great giver. And when we got married, you know, we kind of got into a little bit of a giving rhythm. But what I realized after eight years of marriage is that we had never really done a big giving adventure together. We'd never really sat down and said, hey, you know, what is our ethos with giving?
What kind of giving would make us both kind of come together in a meaningful way? And so we had a conversation and we did some fun giving together. And we determined kind of what our household, how our household wanted to give and how, in what ways, because it's not just first fruit giving. You can also give in so many other ways as well. Yeah.
And you really give three options here. And of course, there's unlimited options for how you give, but share a couple of these.
So besides first fruit giving, you can do a giving goal, which I just love.
So I'm very competitive and giving goals you can track and you can celebrate. I love celebrating as well. And so we have a giving goal as a family, you know, and we went to a real nice, fun restaurant we would normally not go to as a family and telling our kids, hey, we're doing this big treat because we've gotten halfway on our giving goal and it's just real festive. And, you know, a giving circle is very special. That's where you find like-minded people in a Bible study, in a neighborhood, or even within your family, an extended family, and you all pool your money together and give to a common place that you're all passionate about doing.
And the last one is just let's create kind of a percentage of giving that's kind of a stretch goal. And then as we get have an increase in our income, we increase our giving over time and move towards that goal. Yeah, that is so good. All right, well, this next day, date number three, you call cook the books. And I have a bit of an idea on where we're going here.
Explain kind of the fun part of the date, and then also what they're doing financially as well. Sure. Yeah.
With this one, it'd be fun instead of going to a restaurant to actually stay at home and cook together. And there can often be a lot of good conversation, a lot of good fellowship together as you cook. And if you don't want to cook, then what's also fun is just go to a store, grab food together to go type of food and do a picnic.
So you can kind of go either way. And then when you are making the food and then eating it and hopefully a relatively romantic way at home, you're able to just start to talk about: hey, how should we develop a rhythm for our budgeting? You know, and how should we, who should be responsible for kind of tracking things? Who should be responsible for maybe keeping some receipts if you need to look at how things are being spent? And what type of app should we be using?
And, you know, there's a little bit of maintenance when you do budgeting. And it's nice to come together with a plan about who's going to do what. Yeah, you're exactly right. And that's where the FaithFi app could be really helpful. I know Julie and I use that to track our family's budget.
And if you want to learn more, you could go to FaithFi.com. Just click on app there at the top of the page. All right, let's get to money date number four. And this is around your credit report. Explain this to us.
Okay, before I do, let me just say the date I would like to pair with this one.
So, with debt, it's very emotional. There's a lot of emotional cost to it, and people get stressed. And there's actually a lot of financial, what they call PTSD, about around debt. And so, I have a suggestion.
So, the spa is usually pretty expensive and it might get you into more debt. But if you get good at doing what are called day spa passes, Then you can end up getting into all of the facilities and all of the fun ways of enjoying a spa without a treatment, but you're just using their, you know, their spa and their rooms and all of everything's beautiful. And you just spend the day there. And then you can talk about your debts and laying a credit boundary, thinking about, you know, what are your attitudes around debt? How have you experienced it over time?
Was there some trauma in the past with your family and how they, kind of your family of origin and how they experienced debt? And with your current debt, do you know how much you have? And do you fear it in such a way that you want to get rid of it? If so, how far? How strong?
You know, just talk about your ambition about getting rid of the debts. But all of that, you know, you can do in just this beautiful place. And I think that would really help create a good constructive conversation around debt. Yeah.
And with all of these dates, Shane, it goes without saying that, you know, this is about coming together and making forward progress, not dwelling on what's gone wrong in the past or pointing fingers. Yeah.
Correct. Yeah.
You just want to care for each other and you want to talk openly about things that matter to each of you. And then you want to be able to agree upon kind of an exciting plan, one that you're both owning and coming together to figure out, not just telling the other person this is how it's going to be, but saying, you know, what kind of boundaries should we have about credit cards? Let's come together and agree how we should use them. Should we cut them up or should we use them to try and get travel points? You know, just honestly, in what way?
And then it's neat to figure out some other safeguards as well about what type of debt you'd be willing to get and what type of debt you should always avoid and those kinds of things. We're talking six great money dates with Dr. Shane Ina today of Biola University. This is an article that's in issue two of Faithful Stewart, our magazine. Shane, money date number five is called Number Your Days.
Explain this one. Sure. That phrase comes from Psalm 90, 12, where the psalmist is saying to, he's requesting, he's asking that we may be taught to number our days. And what happens is we gain a heart of wisdom when we do this. And I think every couple, when they come together, should consider that, you know, life's short and, you know, it's 100% mortality rate.
And it's really, there's so much that can be done now to prepare us for, to essentially to number our days. And, you know, we need to think about what happens if, you know, we pass away, if we get to a place where we no longer have, you know, our cognitive abilities. And so that deals with power of attorney and healthcare directives and our will and potential trusts. And really, when you come together, the date should be about determining and identifying key people in your life who you trust, who you want to be the guardian of your children, who you want to be the executor of your will, who you want to be an agent for your power of attorney. You know, and these people are really important to figure out together.
You don't want this to be kind of an emergency thing. And, you know, just spending an hour on estate planning makes a huge difference for the people that you love. And really, it's one of the most selfless, connected things to the gospel because you're doing this purely for the sake of others. And I think as a household and as a couple, doing this really makes it so that you're drawing closer as you're numbering your days and you're both together gaining this heart of wisdom. This is so helpful, Shane.
Turning money conversations into something intentional and even enjoyable is a powerful way for couples to strengthen both their finances and their marriage. Thanks so much for joining us today. This has been a great conversation. Yeah, thank you for having me. That's Dr.
Shane Enet, the author of an article on this topic. You'll find in issue two of Faithful Stewart, our quarterly print magazine for Faith Five Partners. Partners support the mission with $35 a month or $400 a year. Year and receive Faithful Steward quarterly directly to their mailbox plus other exclusive benefits. Learn more at faithfy.com/slash partner.
Your questions are next: 800-525-7000. I'm Rob West, and you're listening to Faith and Finance. We'll be right back after this break. We are grateful for support from Praxis Investment Management. Since 1994, Praxis has offered investment products designed to meet practical needs for everyday investors seeking to steward their assets consistent with their desire to promote positive social and environmental impacts.
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I'm looking forward to taking your calls and questions today on anything financial. I've got, at least at the moment, room for you to jump in the mix if you've got something going on in your financial life. Call right now, 800-525-7000. We're going to begin in Chicago. Annorell, how can I help?
Thank you so much for your radio work and educating the public. My uh my employer closed uh over six months ago. and I've been unemployed since. My employment benefits have been exhausted since last month. and I have been paying my mortgage and monthly expenses from savings, and I'm now unsettled that I have not landed a job as yet to secure mortgage payments.
my funds are depleting. I am a homeowner for over thirty years with good credit. How can I work this out? secure my home. And also, is mortgage forbearance the best option without damage to credit score?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, the most important thing at this point, although I understand your desire to keep your credit score high, but the most important thing for you at this point is just to protect your home to make sure you don't go into foreclosure or anything like that. I'm delighted to hear you had the emergency fund. That's what that's for. But I can understand as this continues on, you know, that is going to run dry at some point. And so you're wanting to have a fallback plan and you need to start working on that now.
If you're really struggling to make that mortgage payment now that the unemployment benefits have ended, you really need to lean into, if you haven't already, calling your lender right away and just ask about what are called hardship options. It could be forbearance, where they pause or reduce payments temporarily, but they're not forgiven. You're going to repay them later through either a lump sum or more typically, a payment plan or by adding them to the back of the loan. It just Depends on how they approach it. But that's, you know, can be an option to get through a tough period here.
Beyond that, maybe there's a payment reduction or even something called a loan modification where someone who's lost income can essentially, you know, restructure the loan, maybe extend the term, try to get those payments down. They don't want to go into foreclosure either, if at all possible, because they're going to lose, you know, a lot of money themselves.
So it's better for them to work with the homeowner if there's a path forward here. And that's why they have these.
So I would do that first. Have you reached out to them yet? Yes, I did. And they did a preliminary questionnaire. Um, but I really wasn't sure if that was the right option for me.
Um I do understand that you have to pay that back, which I'm hoping that I land a job very soon. I feel like it's very, very close, but not quite there. I've been interviewing. um and aggressively looking. Yeah.
Well, that's the key, obviously, is to keep your full-time job right now is finding a job. The good news is it's still a relatively robust job market. I mean, I realize the end of the day, it comes down to whether you can find a job, not national statistics. But I'm just saying the environment is pretty favorable. And I think you might, you know, need to be flexible.
I mean, think in terms of not landing, you know, your permanent job from this point forward, but just something that could get some income going here, even if it, you know, is temporary. But I think, you know, really reaching out to your lender, not waiting until you've missed that payment, but going ahead and doing that now and consider going ahead and completing that form just to find out what options your lender has, because, again, they're not all the same. You could contact your state's housing finance agency. That would be another option, you know, where you look at whether there might be assistance programs. Obviously, cutting all non-essentials right now to preserve cash as long as possible is key.
You know, I call it a Mayday budget. I mean, you basically cover the big four, which is keep a roof over your head the best you can, keep food on the table, gas in the car, so you can look for a job and the utility's paid, and everything else is negotiable. I mean, we got to strip it all out and just try to make it through. And then let's pray. I'm going to be praying.
I'll ask our faith and finance community to be praying for you as well that you land something quickly. But I would go ahead and explore those programs with your lender. Hopefully, you don't have to take advantage of them, but at least you know your options beyond that. And then we're going to just trust the Lord that He's going to provide this next job. Let me do this: I'd be happy to have a counselor walk alongside you.
So stay on the line. Our team will get your information. We'll get a certified Christian financial counselor in touch with you so you have a sounding board, somebody to pray with you and help you with your spending plan. Hannorell, God bless you. Thanks for calling.
Let's finish in Orlando. Hi, Barbara. Go ahead. I had a question regarding a homeowner association. I own a unit in a condominium association, and we've been assessed Last year to the tune of a thousand dollars extra for a couple of months.
maybe like six or seven months. for the replacement of a roof for two million dollars. we haven't heard anything. And all of a sudden, this year, we get a letter That there's an additional assessment for $870,000. for my portion is like seven hundred and eighty one dollars per month.
They claim that the original contractor for the roof was paid in the tune of four hundred thirty eight thousand dollars, and they ran away with the money. My question is, is there any government agencies that can look into this to hold these people accountable? For what is going on, because they're very powerful, and I just feel. Like you exist in a vacuum. I don't want to know what rights do we have.
Well, it really comes down to, first of all, the laws of your state and the bylaws.
So, some states require homeowners' associations to do an annual audit.
Now, if your state does not. In some cases, bylaws will actually require it.
Now, if neither of those are in place, you have a state that doesn't require it and it's not in the bylaws, the members of the association can demand an audit. And it's a good idea because that takes it off of anybody trying to defend themselves and it brings an independent third party in to uncover any potential financial wrongdoings and making sure that the HOA is performing in the best interest of the community. And so it's just a good practice.
So if it were me and I had, you know, even if these weren't questions, I would be as a member of that community, especially in the situation you're in that has, you know, some major assessments going on, an audit, although it's going to cost some money, $4,000 to $6,000 probably, is very appropriate. And so I think that's your remedy here is to say, listen, we've got a lot going on and we need to have an audit here just to protect you all as the board, but also to make sure that the community feels like everything's being operated in the way that it should. And it's just a good best practice. And yes, it's going to cost some money, but in the end, it's going to make this a much better place for everybody to live. And I would, you know, if it's not currently, you know, in the bylaws, I would find some others in your community that maybe share your perspective and together come to the next board meeting and demand that this be put in place.
And I think that's perfectly. Appropriate. I hope that helps, Barbara. Thank you for calling today. Big thanks to my team today: Amy, Trish, Shereena, and Jim, and everybody here at Faith Pie.
Come back and join us tomorrow. We'll see you then. Bye-bye. Faith and Finance is provided by FaithFi and listeners like you.
