When Moms Disappoint

The bottom line, my friend, is whether you had a stellar mom, a rock star mom, or whether you had a disappointing mom. You owe her honor because here's your goal. Your goal is to hear the Lord say, well done, good and faithful servant. Honor your father and your mother as the Lord your God commanded you that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God has given you. Hello and welcome to this Friday edition of Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd, Senior Pastor of Destiny Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. We are always glad to have you with us. You know, many of us had wonderful mothers, mothers that made sacrifices time and again, who chose our well-being over their own, but others had a far different experience.

God commands us to honor them either way. As we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day this weekend, Pastor Paul wants to encourage you with a special message and it comes your way next. So stay right here or visit pastorpaul.net to hear any recent Destined for Victory message on demand. That's pastorpaul.net.

You can also subscribe to the podcast at Spotify or Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Now with today's Destined for Victory message when moms disappoint, here's Pastor Paul. In the book of Genesis, when Abraham was close to dying, he got his chief servant and had him make an oath. And he said, I want you to go out and find a wife for my son Isaac. And he sent him back to their homeland.

As you know, the Lord had Abraham leave his homeland to journey to what would be Canaan and what would be the place that he would eventually give to his people, Israel. But at this point, although Abraham has left his homeland at God's direction, now that he's thinking, I got to get a wife for my son, these are days of course when there were arranged marriages. And you see some of that going on today. I told you recently in a message, even today you'll see these shows on TV, Married at First Sight and stuff like that. Folk are going back to some of the ideas of arranged marriages.

Now Married at First Sight, they don't always get it too well, but it can be done right under certain circumstances. And the fact of the matter is Abraham said, I want to pick my son's wife before I leave this earth. Sent his servant to their homeland, said find a woman and gave him the parameters. And so the servant went off praying saying, oh Lord, I don't know how to do this.

I don't want to mess it up. And I've made this oath with my master Abraham. Long story short, you know that, you've read it there in Genesis 24, that he went out and he met up with Rebekah who came out to get water in the evening and she watered, she gave him water, gave his camels water. They struck up a conversation. He was invited back to their home and met Laban and all of that.

So you know the story. Bottom line is, Rebekah was chosen to be Isaac's wife. And so the servant took her back to where they lived and she became Isaac's wife. Now you would think, wow, this is going to be a wonderfully functional, God ordained family.

Y'all need to stop thinking just because God blessed you to do something, you got to stop thinking that means everything's going to go well. God did bless them to hook up with Rebekah and she came, became Isaac's wife. But when they had their children, they had twins and the moment they had those twins, you could see there was going to be trouble in the family as the twins were jostling even in the womb. And so when those boys began to be raised, you'd see dysfunction show up. Ladies and gentlemen, your family is not the first dysfunctional family. And I want to let you know that there are degrees of dysfunction and most of us can think back to some dysfunctional moments in family life.

That's just the way it goes here on planet earth. Very few folk can say there is absolutely nothing dysfunctional about my family. We were all wonderfully in love with one another, children with parents and siblings with one another and we are just the family of the ages.

Very few of you all are deceived enough to believe such a thing. And I want to let you know the Bible is well aware that not everybody has that kind of experience that you can say, wow, we had just the greatest family imaginable. Such is the case in the family of this man, Isaac and his wife, Rebecca. They had these twin boys, Jacob and Esau and you've read it, you know what happened. Jacob, who was much like his mama, they had the kind of relationship where she was favorable toward him in a way she was not toward her other twin son, Esau. And the dad, Isaac, same thing.

He had a favorable relationship with Esau. They were more like temperamentally and it's fine to be like one of your kids more than and relate to one of your kids more than you can to the others. Nothing wrong with that but when your love is different, when somebody can look at you and say that you love this child in a way you don't love that child, now we got a problem.

And that's what happened there in the Bible. Some of you have experienced that in your families. And I wanted to speak this time not just to those of us who had these great moms, I wanted to speak to folk who have a relationship with a woman that wasn't always that wonderful.

So I've entitled these remarks and I'm going to be done in 15 minutes from right now. I've entitled these remarks when moms disappoint. When moms disappoint. Because not everybody's mom was the perfect mom. Sometimes moms disappoint. And if you've had those moments or those seasons or if you've had a lifetime of disappointment from the woman who was your mom or mother figure, I want to let you know that God is still going to work out his plan and purpose in your life if you will submit to him.

That's the point of these remarks. If your upbringing wasn't ideal, God's plan is still in effect and if you surrender to him, he's going to get his will accomplished in your life and you will not be able to spend the rest of your life saying the reason why I'm nothing is because my mama didn't raise me to be anything. You're not a nothing. You are not, well the reason why I don't succeed at anything, the reason why my family's jacked up is because I came from a jacked up family. You can come from a jacked up family and you can have a functional one if you'll do things God's way. I want to let you know Esau on Mother's Day, Esau wasn't all that thrilled when he thought about his mama, Rebecca. On Mother's Day, Esau was more like, because she had spent all this time, you know what she did, she helped her tricky son, Jacob, steal the blessing that would come from Isaac before he would die.

The blessing that would have gone to Esau, Rebecca and Jacob plotted together and deceived Isaac and he gave the blessing to Jacob and Rebecca was happy. Esau ended up being murderous wanting to kill his twin brother and Rebecca said, you need to go down to Uncle Laban's house, Jacob, and spend some time there, spend years down there until he gets over this murderous thing that he's got going. And you know the story, it was 24 years that Jacob lived away from his family because of the trick that he and his mom had played on Isaac and it was to the detriment, if you will, of Esau. But Esau didn't spend his life saying I'm nothing, I'm never going to be anything because of what they did.

20 years later when God reunites them, you know God will work even in dysfunctional situations. He dealt with Jacob's heart, told him you got to go back and get right with your brother. He dealt with Esau's heart, said you can't have murder in your heart and have my blessing. Both men living separately had God deal with them and when they come together later on in the book of Genesis, you will see that when Jacob said, oh look, I blew it, I'm so sorry, I'm your servant for the rest of your life, Esau, and he was trying to send him gifts and all that. He said, what are you doing? Esau said, I don't need your stuff, I know you stole my blessing, I know you deceived me in a moment of weakness and took my birthright, but I'm not tripping over that.

That's the Paul Sheppard version of the Bible. I'm not tripping, I have had God bless my life over these years and I got everything I need, I don't need your stuff, get up from the ground, dude. And you got to see, God will do the same thing for you if mom wasn't all that she should have been. If you had a disappointing mom currently or in the past, I want to let you know God still has plans and purpose for your life.

So here's what I want to do in just these 10 minutes that remain. Let me share with you some points, seven points I want to ask all of you, whether you had a great mom or a disappointing mom, seven points I want you to keep in mind as it relates to your relationship with her. Here's number one, respect the position she holds even if not the way she parented.

Keep that on the screen for a second, let somebody write that down. Respect the position she holds even if not the way she parented. In other words, God ordained some people to play a role in our lives and we ought to respect the role when we don't always have wonderful respect for the person in the role. Because that's why the Bible says honor your father and mother. The Bible didn't say honor your father and mother if they are wonderful people and do everything right. Because that wouldn't be honor, that would be just a few folks singing boys to men mama song.

But the rest of us would be sitting around rolling our eyes and sucking our teeth. But the Bible says honor because of the role. So that's number one, respect the position she holds even if not the way she parented. Up next, the rest of today's Destined for Victory message with Pastor Paul Shepherd. We want to thank all of you whose prayers and financial support helped Pastor Paul share the Gospel all over the world. Your donations do make a difference and God will always honor your faithful giving. So as God leads, prayerfully consider making a generous gift to Destined for Victory today.

You can give securely online at pastorpaul.net, that's pastorpaul.net, or call 855-339-5500. In addition to respecting your mother in spite of her performance, Pastor Paul has identified six other things you should keep in mind in your relationship with her. So let's join him now for the second half of today's message when moms disappoint. Number two, identify things you can appreciate about her and express gratitude to her for those things.

If your mother still lives, be sure. Even if she was a disappointing mom and you say, there's not a whole lot that I really can appreciate, well find a couple things. Well, she got you here. Appreciate that. Thank you for going down to death's door, the old saints used to say, and bringing me into the world.

Find something. Thank you for buying me some clothes. Thank you for whatever it is, feeding me. Even if she wasn't a great cook, thank you that I survived. Identify things you can appreciate about her and express gratitude to her for those things. If you still have your mother, even if she was a disappointing mom, you need to express gratitude, because that will help you do what the Bible says, which is to honor.

So find the things you can express gratitude for and do it. See, I had a great mom, I call her every week, because one of these days I'm not going to hear her voice on the other end of the phone. When I see my friends losing their moms, I cringe, I say, what's that going to be like? I don't know life without my mother. But we're all going to experience that, we all got to go there. And one thing I'm going to make sure of is that till the day she dies, she will know that this child loved her and expressed it often.

And I trust that my siblings do the same. Number three, forgive her in your heart. Forgive your disappointing mom in your heart for anything she did that you think was just flat out wrong, like in the case of Rebecca. If you are an Esau, like, man, she was cold blooded, she was just wrong, she was straight whack. Whatever you want to say about it may be true, but you should forgive her in your heart.

You say, pastor, why? She didn't even ask for forgiveness, that's why I say do it in your heart. The only way you are to express forgiveness to someone when they repent and acknowledge they did you wrong, that's when the Bible calls you to say, well, I accept your apology and I forgive you. But what do you do when somebody doesn't acknowledge that they did you wrong? Have you ever had folk, whether it's a parent or anybody, who do you wrong and never, they don't see it, they don't want to see it, they don't believe it, get out of my face, I don't know what you're talking about, you're tripping.

What do you do when you have that? You forgive them in your heart. You know why you do that? Because you need the release of forgiveness so you can go on and experience what God has for you. As long as you hold unforgiveness in your heart, you mess up your own life. When I refuse to forgive someone, it's like me, you've heard me say it many times, it's like drinking poison and waiting for them to die. No, no, you can't hold on to unforgiveness, it's toxic, it does you no good.

And it's not like it's going to serve any good purpose. Have you ever noticed that the people you're trying to hold unforgiveness really don't care? Or they don't see things the way you see them and you'll always disagree? So don't spend your time trying to force somebody to feel sorry and to acknowledge wrong. Some people never will. Sometimes you'll always see things differently. But what do you do? You forgive them in your heart so you're free to move on.

No mud in my wings, I can fly anywhere God takes me. So forgive them in your heart. The fourth thing of the seven I want to encourage you to do as I wrap up this talk. Number four, pray for her. Pray for her. Now that's for you who have a flat out cantankerous mom, heathen mom, not trying to be saved, doesn't care about you, doesn't care about God, doesn't care about anybody.

What should I do? I should pray. She's treated me like an enemy. Well guess what, the Bible said love your enemies. So even if your mom treats you like an enemy, love your enemies.

Do good for your enemies. And so you need to pray. Pray and don't pray, Lord get her. That's not exactly the prayer you're supposed to be praying. Pray that, yes pray that conviction will come, but conviction is redemptive in nature. God convicts so he can change us. Pray Lord, help her to see the things that she needs to present to you.

Help her to see the things she's done wrong. You can pray those kinds of things, but just don't pray. Lord just kill her. No, no, that's not God's will. The Lord's will is that we get right, not that we get dead.

We're all going to die sooner or later, but you need to pray redemptive prayers because we're all the beneficiaries of the redemptive love of God and we need to pass that on to others as we pray for them. Number five, encourage her. Encourage her. Don't just pray for her, but when you get a chance, actually encourage. Actually give her reasons to think positively, to make good decisions. Encourage the best in her life. Encourage her as you interact with her. Now some people say, yeah, but I really can't interact with her. She's so cantankerous, so toxic.

I can't have much. Well, you don't always have to do it face to face. If that usually leads to World War III, then try calls. If calls don't work, then try texting.

If texting doesn't work, try email, try a standard letter. Do something to say something positive and encouraging to her. Number six, offer her practical help when and how you can. Offer her practical help when and how you can.

Now, if she has a very destructive relationship, you don't want to offer money to somebody who is only going to use it to do the wrong things. So I'm saying when and how. You've got to discern what is the way I can be a practical help, and you find those ways, and that's what I'm encouraging you to do.

Offer practical help when and how you can. Again, when the Bible said, love your enemies. If they're hungry, feed them.

You say, but I can't, I can't. Any time I'm in her presence, she's going to start up something that's going to be a mess. Well, send her Uber Eats. Just send her Uber Eats, you know, Grubhub, whatever it is. Y'all figure out how to love her from afar if you've got to stay away. But offer practical help.

If I can't give you money because I can't trust you with it, is there a bill I could help pay that goes directly to the one that services you in some way? You find ways to do it to express appreciation. You're not doing it out of, because I think she deserves it, you're doing it to honor. Bible says honor your father and mother, and I'm doing this to honor.

Glad we're not here because only three people would buy this CD, so anyway, don't worry about it. Now, seventh and finally, give her reasons to be proud of you. Give her reasons to be proud of you. I didn't say she was going to be proud of you.

Hopefully she will if you have a good mom. My mom is proud of all of her kids and the things that God has blessed us to do. All five of her children serve the Lord. All five of her children are meaningful in the kingdom of God, and she's proud of us. That's great, but if you have a mom who you can't say that about, give her reasons to be proud of you, even if she is never going to stop and be proud of you. Give her reasons when she thinks of you. She knows that you have done right in your life, that you've done well in your life, and so you want to give her every reason to say that I raised someone who has really become a significant member of our society.

The bottom line, my friend, is whether you had a stellar mom, a rock star mom, or whether you had a disappointing mom, you owe her honor. These are some practical things you can do to share that, to give that, because here's your goal. Your goal is to hear the Lord say, well done, good and faithful servant. Never forget, you're going to answer to God, and when you get before him, you don't want him standing there talking about, well, you know I couldn't do that honor and stuff you talked about, and here's the reason why.

No, no. You want to hear the Lord say, well done, which means what you do now is preparation for your time of accountability before him. So we will all give account of our lives to God, the scriptures tell us. Therefore, I want to encourage you, whatever you do, whether you had the greatest of moms, or a dysfunctional toxic relationship, or somewhere in between, some of it good, some of it crazy, whatever, you want to honor her so that you can honor the Lord and hear him say, well done. God places no conditions on his command to honor our fathers and mothers.

Just as he gives good gifts to us in spite of our performance, we too should honor our parents even if they didn't always perform well in their respective roles. Thanks for joining us for Destined for Victory today. Destined for Victory exists only through the faithful prayer and financial support of friends like you. And as you give a generous gift today, be sure to request your copy of Pastor's booklet, Caregivers Need Care Too. It's our way of saying thanks for your generous gift to Destined for Victory.

That's Caregivers Need Care Too. Just call us at 855-339-5500 or visit pastorpaul.net to make your safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538.

Write that down, Destined for Victory Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. And a very happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. May the Lord bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you. That's all the time we have, but be sure to join us Monday when Pastor Paul Shepherd returns to his series on the prophet Elisha. Until then remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.