So, not everybody has the same view of marriage. You want a traditional marriage where the wife is in the background and you always in the foreground? You can't marry everybody. Cause some sisters don't belong way back deep in the background. Hello and thanks for stopping by for today's Destined for Victory, where we feature the preaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard.
It's always a pleasure to have you with us.
Well, there are three critical questions that single people should ask themselves: Why should I date? Who should I date? And how should I date? We cover the why in our last message, and you'll find it online at pastorpaul.net. Visit us anytime to listen on demand.
That's pastorpaul.net. But time ran out on us yesterday before we could finish talking about the who and the why.
So that's where we pick it up today in our continuing series Straight Talk for Singles.
Now, let's pay close attention to Pastor Paul's Destined for Victory message: straight talk about dating. Word to the wise now, Pastor, trying to help you. You better not turn your life over to some of these folks. Thinking he gonna be like your daddy?
Some of you be in for a rude awakening. Find yourself. Honey, why are we going to the shelter? You going there 'cause you assumed he was like your daddy. Rather than getting to know what he could and could not do.
How decisions are made, not all the same. How money will be handled. You can't just assume.
Well, you know, I grew up in a house and my father just took care of all the money matters. And maybe your dad knew how to handle money. But you hook up with somebody who only knows how to abuse money. And you think you're gonna turn it over? No, no.
If you have been successful in your single life, paying your bills on time, got a good credit score, managing well, good steward, giving well to the kingdom, you got your business in order, and you marry somebody, you better find out where they are. Got your stuff strapped on just tight where the money concerned, and you marry somebody who doesn't know how to pay bills on time? And let me tell you, brother, something. I told the guys who were at the recent discipleship gathering, but some of y'all weren't there. Let me tell you, too.
I said if your wife Is the one who is more fiscally responsible, can handle money better. She has a history of paying bills and taking care of her business and all that. You are a fool if you're holding that checking account. Turn it over to her. And I said to some of them, because I shoot straight with my brothers, I love them.
And so I shoot straight with them. I looked right dead in their face. I said, if some of y'all keep holding the checkbook for your family, your credit score is going to be 174. And if you're sitting there saying, is that bad? Then we know.
Your credit score ought to be soaring to the heights. And it will be if your wife is better at money. And you hand it over to her, say, baby. Handle the family budget for us. You both sit down on the same accord about how money's going to be spent.
Here's our family budget. Turn your check over. The best way to do it, ideally, is for both of y'all to have a little allowance you get.
So both of y'all have your own discretionary spending and make sure your wife give you your allowance. Other than that, let her handle it.
So the bills will be paid on time. Because some of y'all, the mail comes in and you see a bill, and you just don't even open it, just toss it somewhere. Then three months later, you getting from that company an envelope with all this red on it. They about to shut down your whole house? And your wife opened that door and said, honey, How did this get?
They're about to turn stuff on. You say, I don't remember the first one. Get your ego out the way. Let her handle it. If she's the better one, let her do it.
She'll open when they come. She knows it's meant to be opened. She'll open it, look at it. Here's what we owe. Here's the date we got to pay it by.
She's not going to wait till that last day. She's going to look at the income flow of the family. Here's when this money comes in. I'm going to pay it right out of here. She'll put it in the mail to be gone.
You fool with it you running red lights trying to get somewhere before five o'clock This is good, you just don't know it. Get this CD by faith. You're going to need it one day, I promise you.
So make sure you have. compatible views of marriage. Compatible views of marriage. And finally, under this question. Of who should I date?
Make sure You are dating people who share not only your values, not only your view of marriage, but your vision. Your vision. Your vision for your life? Make sure you marry somebody who can envision Going with you there. Wherever there is.
If you have a vision To be in a certain type of ministry, you're going to need to marry somebody who can embrace. and support you in that area of ministry. In 1981, I knew for the first time I would be in pastoral ministry. I had been preaching. Before that And I love speaking in conferences and youth meetings and what have you.
Loved it. Enjoyed it. But Prior to 1981, I thought I wouldn't be a pastor, didn't want to be a pastor. I told people I want to be a regular Christian. I want to be a Christian that knows when I'm leaving for work, when I'm coming home.
Because my daddy was my only role model for a pastor, and we never knew when he was coming home. He was the ultimate people person, loved people out there, always ministering and what have you. Then he just loved socializing with people. And he always hanging out. We never knew who was going to be in our house when we came home from school.
You know, you never knew if you gonna have to give your bedroom up.
Somebody drove in from out of town to see Pastor Shepard. You walk in, their bags in your bedroom. That was life for us growing up and I'm like You know, I love him. I I love my daddy dearly, but I was like, nah, I don't I don't like people that much.
So I was thinking I'm going to be able to minister. I'll be itinerant, do a little travel, whatever, but I'll have a nine to five. I'll have a good career right in Philly and, you know, earn a good living and have my family. When I get married, they'll know I'm coming home for dinner. That's the way I envisioned my life.
1981. I get called into pastoral ministry. by our home church. I've been preparing for ministry in general, studying and what have you. But I was hoping it was non-pastoral.
Now I know it's pastoral. I'm a it's nineteen eighty one, I'm single. At that point, I know I can't just marry anybody. 'Cause I'm gonna be. A pastor.
And after I get through fussing with God about that. I'm gonna need a wife. Who can embrace that calling? Because you know there are women In the body of Christ, love Jesus. but say heaven and earth may pass away.
But I will never. Marry a pastor. I've heard them. There's just people like that all around the country. And so you can't just marry anybody if you have a certain vision.
You who want to go on the mission field. Oh, I just see my life on the mission field. Love visiting foreign countries and getting into that culture and learning about them and then share Jesus with them. If that's your vision, great. But you need to know you can't marry just anybody.
You can't certainly can't marry them without sharing that vision. And then after marriage you like Honey? Uh get ready, 'cause we moving to Micronesia. How many know you are going to micronesia? Yeah.
Yourself. Can't spring that on somebody. Amos 3.3 says How can two walk together except they be agreed? That's King James language for it. NIV says: Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?
You have to agree ahead of time to do so. In 81, when I knew I was going to be a pastor, I had dated a lot of single women. I knew a lot of them couldn't be a pastor's wife, no need of praying about them. I knew as a date she would never make it. But Meredith, on the other hand.
Said as a teenager, Something told me I was going to be a pastor's wife. As a teenager. And she was one of the people I had dated, but because I wasn't, you know, I did a lot of dating, I did a lot of exploration. I had dated her off and on. over the years, but she wasn't tripping over weather or not she was going to lock into a relationship with me.
She figured if God Made her. My wife or the wife of any pastor, he was going to bring it to pass. And it wasn't her job. That's why I told you in the last message: when other women were saying to me all over the country, God told me you're my husband, my wife wasn't one of them. God didn't tell her anything like that.
She figured: if we're supposed to hook up, God knows how to talk to me. And so while I'm, you know, dating and what have you, she's just listening to God. Living her life. Dental assistant. Living her life, doing her thing.
And finally, when I... Locked in, okay, I'm gonna be a pastor, Lord. I need the right wife. And I had already dated her, knew a lot about her. And we began to hook up now with a more purposeful attitude in my own heart.
And I saw, here's a woman who could walk with me. In this Unknown Full of surprises world of pastoral ministry. I couldn't marry somebody and say, Look, I'm living in Philadelphia. That's all I'm ever going to live in. You need to know right now.
My mama lives in Philadelphia. I'm staying in Philadelphia. I couldn't marry that because I don't know where God's going to call me the pastor.
Some of y'all talking about you want to get married. You haven't even talked about whether you're going to have kids or not. You better get that vision straight. You envision I always wanted five kids How many know you better have a conversation? Before you got a ring on, before you bling blinging.
Y'all better do some talking. Don't go away. The rest of today's Destined for Victory message, featuring Pastor Paul Shepard, is coming right up. In John 8, Jesus said that if you abide in Him, you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. That's why Destined for Victory is here, to teach timeless truth for a victorious life by pointing people to Jesus Christ.
You can help, stop by pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. That's pastorpaul.net. or call 855-339-5500. When it comes to the way we date, God wants us to be purposeful, practical, and pure.
Now here's the rest of today's Destined for Victory message, straight talk about dating. Free engagement counseling. I tell folk, when y'all s are thinking about hooking up, You're thinking about getting together. That's the time come see me. Before you buy any rings, any of that.
One sister told me years ago. That's so unromantic. I want him to surprise me. I said There are some surprises. That, as a loving shepherd.
Of your soul, I'm trying to keep you from having certain surprises. I promise you, you don't need to be surprised with the whole idea of getting married.
Now, I reassured her. I said, the way I do it, all I'm going to do is sit y'all down and make sure you are covering all the right bases because y'all are in love and feeling goosebumps and all that. And so your feelings can interfere with your good sense sometimes because y'all are in love. I said, just come sit down with me. I am in love with neither one of y'all.
And I know how to walk you through some things. I said, and then when I get through with that, I'm done.
Now you have new information to explore together. Y'all can decide whether you're still going to get married or not. And then he can decide if y'all are going to get married. He can figure out how he wants to propose. You'll still be surprised.
But that's a good surprise. after the right counseling. The other surprise is a surprise you don't want. You want five kids? And he talking about I already got two.
Yeah, I really ain't trying to have no more. I was really hoping we take custody of one of them. Are y'all seeing where? This requires a conversation You trying to pop five? Out the oven, he's trying to get you to adopt one of the ones that long since been out.
of somebody else's oven.
So make sure you share values. View a marriage vision. Finally, How should I date? Three things and I'm done. Number one, Date purposefully.
Purposefully. Again, now, if you're just dating to hang out, you've already made that clear after two or three dates, so they're on the same page. And if that's what you're doing, then that's your purpose. Your purpose is to hang out. You're both on the same page, you're good.
But if you're looking for a marriage partner, Date With that in mind. Date purposefully, which means you're praying. You're discerning. You're getting real information.
Some of y'all spend all your time dating trying to impress somebody. in a superficial way.
So it's fine that they get to see you know how to dress really well. You know. And you can work certain outfits that look great. That's good. Nothing wrong with that.
But listen, if you're dating purposefully, you're going to have to get past the superficial. Stop going to all these super romantic restaurants and not doing any real talking. You're sitting up there talking light, and everything is superficial, and you won't even be yourself. You know you loud and rowdy.
Now you're sitting up in a dark restaurant, can't have see you. Restaurant so dark, trying to set a mood. They only see you because there's a little candle on the table, and your face is flickering a little bit in the light of the candle. Sitting up there trying to impress one another, and you won't talk honestly and get down real. And you know you're loud and rowdy, but sitting up there at the restaurant won't even laugh your normal laugh.
And they say something funny, and normally you would fall out in the floor.
Now you sit up there talking about. Say, you are perpetrating a fraud. Let them see, yes, I'm rowdy. Yes, I have very little home training. They purposefully.
Find out what you're really dealing with here. Because at the end of the day, you don't want to waste your time or theirs. If you know We're not compatible enough to be life partners. As soon as you know that, Again, the principle from 1 Corinthians 10 is: I got to look out for your best interest. And if I know by the third date, There's no future with us.
I need to let you know. I've appreciated the time we spent together. Think you're a beautiful person. Wish you all the best. I don't see a future for us.
And I really don't want to waste your time. That's not the most fun conversation to have, but it's important. Because I've seen the other side of that coin. People saying, Well, I didn't want to hurt them.
So now you drag this out. And you've known forever that this isn't going anywhere. It's one thing to drive three blocks on the wrong street. By the third block, like, oh wait, no, this isn't the street I'm supposed to be on.
Now I just turn around three blocks, I'm back where I started, I can get on the right road. How many know when you drive me 47 miles Bound The wrong road. That's not kind. When you know this isn't going anywhere, I don't care how awkward it is. You say, listen, appreciate you, love you, wish the best for you.
But I don't see a future for us. That's the godly thing to do. Day purposefully. Number two, date practically. What do I mean by that?
I mean don't advertise a product you're not going to deliver. Be practical. If you're not a door opener, don't want to learn to be a door opener. Don't start opening doors.
So they see why you're single. You rude! You walk through the door first. Hope she gets through? If that's the way you live your life?
Let her see that now. Don't start out all chivorous. Oh, wait a minute. Grabbing doors and running ahead, and opening the car door, and give me your hand, let me help you down the steps. If you start that, make up in your mind now, I'm going to do that with her the rest of her life.
They purposely, but they practically a number three. They purely. They purely. Resolve that you are not going to get into physical. Zodi.
Emotional. Contact. of any sort. That will dishonor your brother or sister in Christ. Physical contact that is dishonoring and by that I mean sexual In nature.
is to be off limits. Because that's not your Husband or wife? And the Bible is clear. And so you just gotta make up in your mind. I'm not gonna.
Practice. Being lustful at your expense. Not God's will. I said it's not God's will. I say my own amen.
Pastor, that's not God's will. And it's a decision you have to make. Sure. You feeling somebody? In terms of The emotional, the way you feel about them.
When you're feeling them. And the way you used to date, you're used to doing something about the way you feel.
Now in the kingdom The kingdom is like, I don't care how you feel. Control yourself. We've all done it wrong. That's what repentance is for. That's what grace is for.
Thank you, Lord, for grace.
Now teach me to do it right. And this isn't just the word for the men. I'm not just telling, I've learned I've passed it long enough just not to tell the men. Keep your hands inappropriately off that woman. We used to preach it that way.
Now I gotta say to every single. 'Cause some of these sisters Not y'all people in the other service.
Some of these sisters. We'll put the moves on a guy. In Nunn Flat, I was talking to a couple, they eventually got married, but. When they were dating, She said and he verified it. She said one night I was feeling him we hanging out Watching a movie at the house.
My apartment, and he's just over there. And I just, and he's so handsome. And that night, I was just, you know, feeling, my father used to call it unnecessary. She was feeling unnecessary that night. As she said, I started putting the moves on him.
You know, 'cause y'all know y'all not so saved you've forgotten how to seduce somebody. Started putting the moves on him. And She said then I went in for the Activity. She said, He looked at me, turned the lights up. Paused the movie, looked at me, and said, if you ever come at me like that again.
It'll be the last time you see my face. Christian Brother. had to step up like that. I know you don't know a lot who would step up like that. I know you used to brothers who'd be like.
I lost this round, Jesus. But whether brother or sister. It is your job. to maintain purity. Read 1 Thessalonians 4, verses 1 through 8 when you get a chance.
It's your job. to maintain purity. The best way to be healthy and married is to first be healthy and single. Thanks so much for being here with us on Destined for Victory. Today's message, Straight Talk About Dating, as well as any of our recent messages, are available on demand at our website, pastorpaul.net.
While you're there, be sure to check out our online store for some great resources to help you grow in your Christian faith, including books and video messages from Pastor Paul Shepard. It's all at pastorpaul.net. Let me ask you. How's your faith life going? Is it maturing and growing the way you had hoped, or has it become stagnant?
In our new booklet, Grown Up Faith, you'll be challenged to move beyond any childish habits you may have formed and begin to embrace the kind of maturity that honors God and blesses your life in the process. This practical biblical guide will help you stop living on impulse and start living with greater wisdom and purpose. Again, it's called Grown Up Faith, and it's our thank you gift today for your generous donation to Destin for Victory. You can give that gift by phone by calling 855-339-5500. That's 855-339-5500.
Or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory. Post Office Box 1767. Fremont, California, 94538. Singles, I want to let you know.
God wants you to be whole. He wants you to be complete. I say that because there are many who believe or hope one day they will be married. But you gotta understand. Marriage is designed for two whole people.
to come together. In the kingdom of God, 1 plus 1 equals 1. Find out more tomorrow in our continuing message Priorities for Victoria Singles. Until then remember. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.
In Christ, you are destined for victory.
