Absurd Truth: Sleepy Joe's Signature

This is Nikki Glaser from the Nikki Glaser Podcast. On a more serious note, I'm still thinking about that commercial with Tom Brady and Snoop Dogg hating on each other, because when you listen to the reasons for hating someone or something, you realize just how stupid they really are. There is too much hate in this country, and it's got to stop. So join us at iHeart and standing up to it. If you see hate, speak up, call it out. And you can learn more by following at What's Up With Hate.

Sponsored by Kel-Tec. Video shows the moment a Florida police officer in horseback pursued a 22-year-old suspect after he struck the officer's horse. Bodycam video shows the Tampa Police Department mounted patrol officer and horse clearing a busy street on March 9th. And the officer is trying to get everybody off and get everybody away. And then you hear the cops say to one kid, don't touch the horse. And then the guy, this kid, his name is, the suspect is Justin Riera, allegedly struck the police horse before running off into the crowd attempting to evade apprehension. The horse can be seen galloping through the crowd as the officer went after him. Stop, you're under arrest. Watch out, eventually officers are able to apprehend him. It's a felony to hit a horse. So there you go.

But yeah, that's a little bit Philadelphia inspired here. Just don't punch police horses in the face. It's not nice.

It's just really nice. Never punch. You shouldn't punch anybody in the face. A Florida man was arrested after being accused of trying to steal his aunt's home. The Fort Myers Police Department arrested 27-year-old Gregory Matthews Jr. on Monday after being accused of trying to steal property rights to a woman's home that was listed on the clerk of the court's property fraud alert.

Gulf Coast News learned that the victim was former city councilwoman Christine Matthews who resigned from her position in 2014. Investigators say that Christine tried to transfer ownership to her home to her brother, but was waiting on a physical copy of her license. But then the brother died before the paperwork was finished. So the kid finalized the deal for himself using his dad's information and a fake driver's license and property theft. I've seen the commercials. I didn't really think it was a real thing, but there you go. But they got him anyway. It's just genius. Used a fake ID by using a photograph from Facebook.

So, you know, I'm sure it wasn't exactly very high res and probably not that hard to spot. And finally, a Florida man wins a free speech case over Trump banners. County ordered to pay him $42,000.

This is good. A Santa Rosa beach man has just won a free speech lawsuit against Walton County. He had hung two large banners supporting Donald Trump from the balconies of his home. And they say the banners violated property maintenance rules, but he said it was a right to free speech. The county began to fine him $50 a day. Case went to court. He had a lot of support across the country and a judge ruled the county was was in the wrong, ordered county officials to pay him $42,000 in legal fees and fines. And the man is still flying his Trump banners. Well, there you go. Good for him. That's a win for the good guys and a win for the First Amendment, a win for freedom of speech. That makes me very, very happy.

And then of course, our partners, we can't do any of those without them, our friends over at Kel-Tec, great Florida company, although they have now a Wyoming facility too that they've opened. And I think I'm pretty sure that this was one of the first rollouts of their new expansion facility. And it's the awesome PR 57 rotary barrel pistol chambered in 5.7. Now, I have not fired this, but I have handled it quite a bit when I saw it all at SHOT Show. It is so light. I thought I was gonna throw it through the ceiling when I picked it up.

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And I'm Leah and we're from the Grown Up Stuff podcast. And just in time for tax season. On this week's episode, we're chatting with CPA Lisa Green Lewis about how small businesses can tackle their taxes using TurboTax business. A Forbes study mentioned that a whopping 93% of small businesses overpay their taxes and 17% of Gen Z'ers believed that you could write off any expense as a business expense. Can't blame them. It's really important to do your taxes right.

Listen to Grown Up Stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. At their time of need is a somebody. I grew up poor, but my grandmother was like a queen to us. At Morgan & Morgan, our goal is to level the playing field for you and your family at your time of need. The insurance company has unlimited money and resources. You need a firm who can fight them toe to toe. For right at 30 years, we have fought them in courtrooms throughout America. Our results speak for themselves.

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Injured? Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you. Here's a real question. Speaker Mike Johnson had made the point that Biden didn't remember doing the liquid natural gas export ban. So the story that's come out about the auto pen in the White House being used to sign documents. The auto pen is this elusive magic machine pen in the White House somewhere.

Somewhere in the White House or the old executive office building. And you send a letter to the president and the president gets lots of mail, as you can imagine. So they auto pen a thank you letter, declining speaking requests, all kinds of different things.

It's just auto pen for the most part. And typically, things that actually carry the weight of law, executive orders and things like that, are signed by the president. Pardons are actually physically signed by the president and not auto penned. So the story that comes out this week is that Joe Biden used the auto pen on all these official documents. This goes to what is, I think, the greatest political scandal of our time, which is Biden's cognitive decline and the cover up of Biden's cognitive decline.

How bad was it? And were there forces within the White House who were taking advantage of the fact that you had a president who was literally hiding his own Easter eggs and then signing whatever they wanted with the auto pen? Because that's what Mike Johnson said. He told the stories. He says to Biden, he goes, I can't believe you put in a ban on liquid natural gas. Biden's like, I did?

Huh? The problem is he may have and just forgot, or it may have been people who were taking advantage of the fact that Biden is hiding his own Easter eggs and then went ahead with the auto pen and did it anyway as a policy move. We don't know. We don't know. But it really opens up the question, should we be investigating the pardons, executive orders and so many other things that were signed by the president of the United States allegedly using the auto pen?

I think the answer to that is yes. Because it's very obvious that they knew this man was cognitively, that he'd lost it as far back as 2020 and he was a puppet and then forces were using that puppet. How far did they use him? On the issue of oil and natural gas though, he did everything he possibly could to stop the United States of America from drilling. At the very same time though, he was doing everything he possibly could to ensure offshore windmills, massive offshore wind turbines that kill whales and dolphins. They do nothing for the energy supply in this country.

Nothing. They do cause consumer energy bills to go up. A lot of people are discovering right now how their energy bills have skyrocketed.

Like where I live in New Jersey, for example, we've discovered this and people are shocked. And you go through the bill and you itemize it and you realize what you're subsidizing. A lot of this is green energy nonsense is what you're subsidizing. So when Caroline Levitt, and let's cue up cut number one here, talks about a period of economic transition, what we're really talking about is undoing the damage that was created by this administration being so anti-energy. And so pro-green energy, which does not provide the energy needs of the United States of America, certainly not the world, but does enable Vladimir Putin to get a trillion dollars from the same European countries that are giving Ukraine 15, 20 bucks to fight their war against Putin.

We see today the numbers we saw yesterday, the numbers we will see tomorrow are a snapshot of a moment in time. And as President Trump has said, and I'm here to echo the remarks of this president of this White House, we are in a period of economic transition. We are in a period of transition from the mess that was created under Joe Biden in the previous administration. Joe Biden left this country in an economic disaster. It was an economic disaster, and it's going to take time to undo that economic disaster, no doubt about it. It's going to take time.

And as part of that, though, you have to ask yourself, well, what's the long term play of the left here when it comes to energy? Democrats are proposing $20,000 fines for gas stations that don't warn customers about climate change. No, that's a real story.

That's a real story. So I was in pharmacy the other day, and this pharmacy was selling cigarettes. I wasn't buying them, but I just noticed a sign. And the sign said that cigarette companies have lied to you, whatever it is, they're ordered by law to put the sign up. And the cigarette companies have to pay for them. They lied to you about the harms of smoking and blah, blah, blah. Well, the idea of the left and people like Gavin Newsom going after oil and natural gas companies is, oh, they lied to you about climate change. They didn't tell you the truth about climate change and how their product was leading to climate change. So gas station owners and other retailers who sell fuel in Colorado could be whacked with a $20,000 fine if they don't include labels warning consumers that by using the product, they are harming the climate.

Now, first of all, there's zero actual scientific evidence that that is the case, but don't let facts stand in the way of a good bill of totalitarianism. One of the sponsors of the bill, state representative Junie Joseph, said that they're trying to encourage people in Colorado to bike or walk because everybody knows burning fossil fuels contributes to greenhouse gas emissions. But struggled to explain then why it was imperative for the state to warn gas buyers about a problem.

Well, I'll tell you what it is, what it comes down to. And this is what's going to bite the left in a very short matter of time. On the one hand, they're destroying Teslas. And they're arguing that by destroying a Tesla factory, that's actually a great form of protest. At the same time, they're still trying to warn people and get them out of gas powered cars and into electric vehicles. Tesla electric vehicles, Elon Musk made the electric vehicle something palatable to the masses, something that the masses could afford. And now you've got people who are selling them, burning them, calling them hate mobiles. This is the actor Jason Bateman who sold his Tesla because he said it felt to him like he was just driving around a giant Trump bumper sticker. So yesterday when Trump has Elon Musk at the White House and gets his shiny red Tesla and the Cybertruck and everything, it occurred to me that a Tesla is now going to be a sign of conservatism. Which I'm okay with.

I don't care. You drive whatever you want. Gas, electric, you do you. But for me, the only reason why I would ever want one is the self-driving car. I'm a Gen-Xer, baby. I grew up watching Knight Rider. I want kit.

I want Knight Rider. I want a car that drives me. But I heard from people that have the self-driving feature on the Tesla.

First of all, you have to pay for it. Secondly, I would only want it if I could take a nap. You still have to keep your hands on the steering wheel and you basically still are driving. It's like driver assist more than anything else.

No. What I want is I want to be in the back seat taking a nap and I want the car to do the driving and then I want the car to give me all kinds of ideas on how I can defeat my enemies. Just like Kit did to Knight Rider. We have that car. I'll buy it whether it's gas or whether it's electric. But I would prefer a gas-powered car like Kit because that was a gas guzzler.

Oh, man. What a great car. And that was David Hasselhoff in his prime. I don't care what you tell me about Baywatch.

Knight Rider was Hoff in his prime. But here's MSNBC Cut 22. But then you also overnight have this post claiming that protests at Tesla dealerships are illegal. He said today he would label violence against dealerships, domestic terrorism. Yeah.

There you go. Burn them down and try to put them out of business. And it doesn't matter about the workers. I mean, screw the workers.

You know what I mean? Forget them. Forget the workers and the people that are actually building the cars, servicing the cars, selling the cars. Who cares? This is why the left has lost the working class in this country is there are people right now building these cars and they're thinking, why are these people trying to put me out of a job? Because they don't care about you.

That's why they just don't care. Our partners that help bring you the program. It's our friends over at GoldCo. I really feel like you just need to be getting into some gold and silver because if you've looked at the economy. But GoldCo is the company to do it with. By the way, if you're going to get into gold and silver, this is the only company that I trust to do it.

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And I'm Leah. And we're from the Grown Up Stuff podcast. And just in time for tax season. On this week's episode, we're chatting with CPA Lisa Green Lewis about how small businesses can tackle their taxes using TurboTax Business. A Forbes study mentioned that a whopping 93% of small businesses overpay their taxes. And 17% of Gen Z'ers believed that you could write off any expense as a business expense. Can't blame them. It's really important to do your taxes right.

Listen to Grown Up Stuff on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. At Morgan & Morgan, our goal is to level the playing field for you and your family at your time of need. The insurance company has unlimited money and resources. You need a firm who can fight them, toe to toe. For right at 30 years, we have fought them in courtrooms throughout America. Our results speak for themselves.

And always remember this, everybody is a somebody and nobody is a nobody. Visit ForThePeople.com to learn about our firm. Morgan & Morgan, For The People. Injured?

Visit ForThePeople.com for an office near you. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick 5. So the United States has been added to the international watch list for rapid decline in civic freedoms. Yes, Civicus, an international nonprofit, puts the country alongside the Democratic Republic of Congo, which by the way is nothing democratic about it, Italy, Pakistan, and Serbia. Why is Italy on the list? That's offensive. Why are we on the list?

This is insane. Well, maybe it's because of this. USDA stops funding research into trans men's menstrual cycles.

Let me say that again because I know that that's a little bit like you might have said, Zioli, did you stutter? Yes, that's right. Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins in a post on X announced that the USDA is canceling a $600,000 grant towards this research project used to fund research into menstrual cycles in trans-identified men.

We are a horrible, horrible country, are we not? The United States Postal Service warning customers of major disruptions as mail carriers are set to take on a new task. And you'll face being questioned. Trump's new plan could have mail carriers knocking on your door. What will they do? Will they haul you away? Will they try to enter your home? Or will they just count you for the census? That's right, it'd probably be that. So, you know, I like my mailman, Rich.

He's a nice guy. Texas Senate poised to pass a bill requiring classroom displays of the Ten Commandments. And they're freaking out about that, too. How can we have a classroom display of the Ten Commandments? What if the children don't want to look at it like the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Don't look away, Marion! Look away! Literally, it could be like that, I'm just saying.

You know, and then everybody looks at the Ten Commandments, they just, you know, the Ark of the Covenant, and then, you know, their faces melt. I'm just saying, it's very possible. It could be the case.

I'd be very, very cautious of this if I were you. And finally, this is something we all needed to know, and I didn't even know this was a thing. Werewolf syndrome.

Did you know this was a thing? Werewolf syndrome. Well, a teenager who's been called Werewolf Boy and Monkey Boy due to his rare condition has been awarded a Guinness World Record for having the hairiest male face in the world. He has a teen with werewolf syndrome.

We're into the Daily Star. And he does kind of look like Teen Wolf. I mean, if you ever saw the show or the movie Teen Wolf, he kind of does look like Teen Wolf, I'm just saying. Real life Teen Wolf. His name is Lalit Patidar, 18, born with a super rare condition known as werewolf syndrome, which has left his face almost entirely blanketed in hair. Poor kid. But he's only around 50 documented cases reported worldwide since the Middle Ages, making him one in a billion.

And now he's in the Guinness Book of World Records. He said, I am speechless. I am so grateful for this honor that I am at a loss for words. I like, how am I? I don't want to change my look. And nor should you, my man. Go with it.

Go with it and be proud and howl at the moon. This is something interesting. So there's a member of Congress from Delaware. He's a biological male and identifies as a woman.

This caused a whole battle on Capitol Hill over bathrooms, bathroom rights and bathroom issues and everything else. And all hell broke loose yesterday in a committee hearing when the chairman of the committee referred to this member of Congress as Congressman. Talking about Representative Sarah McBride.

So the chairman of the committee accurately called Sarah McBride, mister. Look, I can say I'm Batman. Trust me, I'm not Batman. I can say I can identify as Batman. I can tell you I'm Batman. Doesn't make me Batman. Just like a man can identify as a woman doesn't make him a woman. It just doesn't. Now, I mean, should the chairman have said representative versus congressman?

Would that have been more polite, more decorum? Or do we just finally address this nonsense head on once and for all and say we're going to stop, we're going to stop living a lie. We're going to stop pushing a lie. We're going to stop going with this idea that we don't entertain the truth.

Truth for its own sake. Men are men, women are women, and that's it. You're free to dress up like whoever you want, but I mean, you're still a man, still a dude. Even if you get it chopped off, you're still a man.

Getting it chopped off doesn't change that status. Here's cut 20. Representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride. Thank you, Madam Chair.

Ranking member Keating, also wonderful. Mr. Chairman, could you repeat your introduction again, please? Yes, it's a, we have set the standard on the floor of the House, and I'm simply... What is that standard, Mr. Chairman? Would you repeat what you just said when you introduced a duly elected representative from the United States of America, please?

I will. The representative from Delaware, Mr. McBride. Mr. Chairman, you are out of order. Mr. Chairman, have you no decency?

I mean, I have come to know you a little bit, but this is not decent. We will continue this hearing. You will not continue it with me unless you introduce a duly elected representative the right way. This hearing is adjourned. Look, Sarah McBride is a man. I don't know what to say.

I'm tired of this idea that we all live a lie. You could argue that decorum, and it would have been more polite if the chairman had just said Representative McBride. But, you know, for the freak out by the left over that issue, because the Congress person was just going to go on with the question. But the Democrats have to use this as a moment to grandstand, and if they want to grandstand over this, go ahead. See, this is what I don't understand, is that they're still doubling down on all this. They're doubling down on this transgender issue, particularly when it comes to kids and sports, and I don't get this. I don't understand this. You're talking about such a small minority of people.

We're not talking about rounding up and killing these people. We're talking about the truth of science, which is that there are just two genders. Here's a person who is turtle gender, who currently sits on the Oregon Consumer Advisory Council, which advises decisions about mental health services in the state. Turtle gender. Now, I went to the University of Maryland, so I'm a terrapin, so I'm a terp, but I still don't identify as a freaking turtle. It's my mascot.

I root for the terrapins. I say, don't fear the turtle. I also don't think I'm turtle gender.

Cut 21. Hello, everybody. It's JV with turtle pronouns. Pronouns are turtle and they, them. Hello, everybody. It's JV. I use they, them or turtle for pronouns. Hello, everybody.

It's JV. They, them and turtle for pronouns in the Springfield Eugene area. Go back in your shell and come back when you're not crazy. I mean, this is mental illness.

We're now identifying people as freaking turtles. This is okay. It's not okay.

There's nothing okay about this. It's insane and it's nuts and it's crazy and we should not entertain this. We should give these people the help that they need.

I'm sorry, but we should. Bottom line, give people the help that they need. And when you're dealing with kids here, because I really don't care what you do as an adult, you want to identify as a turtle, freaking identify as a turtle. I don't know what to tell you, but I think we can all agree it's mental illness.

So why don't we just give people help? Wouldn't that be the kind compassionate thing to do instead of, oh, you're a turtle. Oh, are you a brackish water turtle, a freshwater turtle? What kind of turtle are you? And can I make soup out of you? Because turtle soup is delicious. Have you ever had it? Snapper turtle soup.

Maybe identify as a snapper turtle and just go around biting people. Now, this is an interesting clip here. Rapper Lil Yachty, Lil Yachty, is openly calling Black Lives Matter a scam because Black Lives Matter is a scam. It was a scam.

It's why Black Lives Mansions, BLM, Black Lives Mansions, where you had all these people buying mansions using money raised through the Black Lives Matter movement. Take a listen. Oh, that year. That's a good year.

It's just blurry. I'll be doing so much. BLM? Since you want to be so Black Power? BLM is a scam.

Clip that. Send it to the fucking news. BLM was a, it was literally a scam. They had bought mansions and you probably wouldn't know anything about it because you don't care about Black people. You don't follow Black news. I do care about Black people.

Look at my chocolate. Boom. It is a scam. There are a lot of people out there.

They're race hustlers and they use stuff like this to divide America and to get rich off of it. And it's over. It's done. It's over. President Trump's election was the death of Woke.

The fact that he did so well with Black voters means the end of Woke. The end of this nonsense. And we should be trying to unite as Americans, not look for ways to divide us.

That would be the healthy thing to do. That's what we should be doing in this country. But not Senator Alyssa Slotkin who gave the Democrat response the other night to Trump's joint address to Congress.

No, no, no. Senator Slotkin said people who voted for Trump did so because of this cut 17. I think there's a feeling in the country.

I often say this. We're about to turn 250 years old. We're still pretty young for a country. These are our angry teenage years. We are going through this push and pull where we're happy, we're sad, we want this, we want that.

And what do you do when you have a teenager who's threatening themselves and others? You just try to get them through this period alive so that their brain can fully form and you can come back to kind of what a country... Are you talking about Trump? No, I'm talking about our country. We're pendulum swinging. We're pendulum swinging.

Yeah, I don't know what to do about that. We're a young country, but we've got mood issues. We're moody, we're cranky. Is that what it is? We're moody and cranky?

I guess so. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. As the number one selling walk-in tub in North America, SafeStep walk-in tubs are built to maximize your safety and comfort. Each tub comes standard with a dual hydrotherapy system so you can enjoy the luxuries of bathing comfortably at home.

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Another study proves a higher minimum wage is bad for businesses, customers, and employees. And Andrew Cuomo is officially running for mayor of New York City. I'm Greg Kourambas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch Podcast. We'll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.