Absurd Truth: Woke Pastor

It's 2025, a new year, and the perfect time to turn your business dreams into reality.

Maybe you've been tossing around a great idea but haven't acted yet. Well, Shopify is how you're going to make it happen. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand, open for business, and make your first sale. With thousands of customizable templates, you don't need coding or design skills, just drag, drop, and go. Plus, Shopify's social media tools help you connect all your channels and create shoppable posts so you can sell everywhere your customers scroll. Managing your business is easy, too.

From shipping to taxes to payments, Shopify handles the details on a single dashboard, letting you focus on what really matters—growing your business. Established in 2025 has a nice ring to it. What makes you think I can't fit in this car? My best friend has a vis that's newer than this that I can fit in. That's the same thing I do with my car. I don't have a car, so I gotta order another lift. And to be more specific with you, I got very tired tires.

What I got to do with your tires? Yeah, and you have no space. I have no space. How do you know I don't have no space? Yeah, I got no space. How do you know I don't have no space? Because I've tried before.

Huh? Because I've been in this situation. Have you seen her, though? Are we going to show her? Because, uh, girlfriend is large and in charge. Well, she's one of those things. No, she's large and in charge. Can we—don't we have, like, a thing—a photo over?

There was a piece— Yeah, there was a video. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I—people gotta see her because it's something else. I mean, I get it. She's—I mean, how much—I'm trying to understand her weight. She's morbidly obese. It's not healthy. 489 pounds is the reported weight.

So just a smidge under 500. And I gotta—I gotta be honest with you. The guy was being nice about it. He's like, my car's too small. He's not saying she's too big. He was saying, my car's too small. I'm trying to be nice here. Is he supposed to, like, drag the underside of his car on the asphalt because she's owed a ride? You're not owed anything.

Lyft has XL, so you should order Lyft XL. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, get the larger one. It's not, you know, good heavens. It's not this guy's fault. Okay, yeah, that's her.

489 pounds. That was a little car she ordered. With everything going on in the world right now—the economy, conflicts, the open border, spiraling national debt, the devastating inflation—it's critical that you have a plan for diversifying and protecting your savings. And that's why so many, including myself, have turned to precious metals like gold and silver to help protect our savings. And I partnered with the top-rated precious metals company, Goldco, to make that happen. It's a great company with a great reputation, and they could not have made the process any easier. And right now, Goldco is offering a free gold and silver kit that will show you how precious metals can help protect and diversify your savings. And for my audience, they're offering up to a 10% instant match in bonus silver on qualified orders. All you have to do is visit DanaLikesGold.com to get started today. Goldco has helped thousands of Americans place over $3 billion in gold and silver, and they can help you as well. Join thousands who trust Goldco.

Visit DanaLikesGold.com. Donald Trump is sworn in as president again. Joe Biden preemptively pardons political allies and more family members as he exits.

And the American people strongly back the new president on deportations and transgender policy. I'm Greg Kourambas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We'll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully a lot of laughs too.

Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you like true crime, you'll love the Miracle Files podcast. We share real stories with the suspense of true crime, but we'll leave you with a sense of light and hope. Like the college wrestler who fought a grizzly, the woman who was dead for nearly an hour, or the child lost in a dark mine for days. These are the kind of stories that remind us miracles are real. Subscribe to the Miracle Files wherever you get your podcasts and join us on this thrilling journey of faith and miracles. Hey, everyone, it's Fr. Jim Martin.

Hope you're well. Yesterday on social media, I posted a few things about why Catholics and Christians are called to care for refugees and migrants. It's basically because Jesus asks us to. In Matthew 25, he says to welcome the stranger is to welcome him, and more pointedly, not to welcome the stranger is not to welcome him. But there's also another reason, which is that Jesus himself was a refugee.

Now, you might think I've never heard of that. But in the second chapter of Matthew, after the Nativity, Joseph takes Mary and Jesus away from their homeland to Egypt to flee the murderous designs of King Herod. And the classic definition of a migrant refugee, excuse me. No, he's not someone who flees their homeland.

Okay, this is where I have to stop. Because this guy is a moron. This pastor is an idiot. He shames the faith. He is this guy is why people stop going to church. This sort of false shepherd. If you're going to pretend to be a shepherd, and you're going to lecture people about the Bible, you should probably do more time, spend more of your time actually reading the Bible and understanding the era of Roman rule at that time.

Maybe a little more effort on that and less effort decorating your office with woke garbage. Just saying and this is a woke pastor, you should look him up. Jesus was not a refugee. Anyone who says that is absolutely embarrassingly ignorant of world history. And it is cringe. Stop it.

It is a stupid talking point that has no basis in truth. Egypt was literally a Roman province. It was such a Roman province that even though Herod, who is over Judea and other elsewhere, Roman province, Augustus legit directly oversaw rule of Egypt. And that was in 30 BC.

He directly oversaw the rule and control of Egypt. It was a Roman province. And let me tell you why were they going to Bethlehem in the first place when they were returning for the census they made the trek when Mary was in the last days of her pregnancy. They made the trek for the census. Ironically, what all these morons completely miss, they were going to give account of being citizens in a Roman province.

And guess what? They went back home. So not only was Jesus not a refugee, but Joseph and Mary were going to make their mark and declare, yes, we are Roman. We live in a Roman province. Here we are. It's the census.

And then they went home. Egypt was under control of Rome. And unlike having some kind of allocated, you know, toady like Herod run, it was directly overseen by Augustus. A little bit of research will prevent you from looking like a heretic, like this guy. You know, the Bible is very explicit. When they talk about shepherds misleading the flock.

This guy might might want to read up on how much millstones way and how deep some of the deepest parts of the sea are. Because that's what that's what God says he's got in store for false shepherds. This guy might want to take note. Stop lying about your savior and and being a heretic to try to score an uneducated political point.

The end. Augustus had prefects throughout the Empire, but Egypt was one Augustus oversaw. He actually annexed Egypt. This was after Cleopatra as his own, like personal estate.

That's why he directly oversaw Egypt and not a prefect. How much school did this guy go to? Why am I more educated on the issue he's trying to preach on than him?

He's got about a good 30 years on me. Shameful. You ever hear someone say that in church, you get up and walk out of that church because that's a dead church and it's a false faith.

Ridiculous. I'm so tired of these false shepherds. You want to know why people are leaving the church?

Because of people like that. Trying to bastardize God's word to score political point. So there you go. Jesus was not a refugee. His parents were going to actually say we're citizens.

And then they went back home. It is our friends over at Caltech, the PR 57. It's a 57. A great firearm. We talked about it when I was at SHOT Show and they unveiled it at SHOT Show.

I can't wait to get mine. It's a super light and thin 57. It's kind of crazy and it takes two stripper clips.

You load it from the top horizontally and it's a pretty innovative design. Very lightweight. You can actually conceal carry it.

Even the ladies. It's all about affordable innovation and performance and it was engineered for simplicity and reliability. It's 40% lighter than the next 57 pistol. And it has an innovative rotary barrel that makes it the lightest one on the market. So you have to check it out for yourself. It's the first of its kind 57 rotary barrel pistol and it's only from Caltech.

Visit CaltechWeapons.com to learn more. That's K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. So apparently half of millennials are depending on a tax refund to make ends meet according to a survey. Yay. The government theft season kicks off Monday, January 27th. Make sure that you give your money to the government under threat of penalty because it's not ever really your own.

Yay. 50% of millennials said that they would take a year long vow of celibacy to avoid a filing. I would literally forego plain Warhammer for an entire, I would do it for five years just to abolish the IRS.

Yeah, that's a serious, that's how long I, that's how committed I am to seeing the abolishment of the government theft agency. But it's, this is what gets me. They depend on the tax refund to make ends meet. That's their income. They depend on their income to make ends meet.

You absolute cousin loving blockheads. It is their own income. It's not like it's a handout from the government.

It is their own income that you steal. Moving on. God makes a comeback in Gen Z.

Apparently people who are in their teens and early twenties are half as likely to call themselves atheists as compared to their loser parents according to a new poll. Look at that. What is that? Nice.

Nice. You know why? It's because they're being raised by Gen X.

That's why. So they said those who are 18 or 24, they're all Gen Z. They're the most spiritual age group in the UK. They're the most spiritual. 13 only 13% identifies atheists.

62% describe themselves as very or fairly spiritual. Wow. Wow. That's wild. And they, that, I mean, I'm telling you that's where it's, excuse me, that's where it's going. Huh?

It is swinging. I think that it's also like who you're raised by. I don't know.

Are millennials raising alphas and Gen, I don't know. Yeah. So, uh, New York, of course they are considering a background check to buy a 3d printer because this is so stupid. They're trying to say, Oh, we want to actually, we, I told you that we're going to ban 3d printers, right?

I, we talked about this before you knew this was coming. They're going to ban everything. Firearms are just the start of it, but they're looking to ban 3d printers because they think that gang bangers are out there printing guns. By the way, have you ever printed a gun?

I mean, the printing has gotten a lot better, but if I'm being totally honest, would I like have that as my, like, if I had to take that as my one gun on a, you know, an Island with, with hostile folks, I'm not going to bring something I 3d printed as that sounds snotty. I'm not, I'm just, you can't do it. And the technology is always progressing and it gets really good, but that's not what gang bangers are doing guys. And Hey, guess what? They're criminals. So they're going to get them illegally anyway. It's just like getting them on the black market.

A man gets a year in jail for flinging fish and carrots. Okay. And at a Lincoln DMV.

All right. I mean, I don't know why, but this is according to a local ABC affiliate. He got a year. He was flinging food around inside of a DMV. He got charged with misdemeanor criminal mischief, 90 days for disturbing the peace. And he said he was agitated.

He threw a bag of fish and carrots at someone as he left and it went all over the floor and ceiling of the brand new office. NASA is tracking a city killer asteroid that sadly is only skimming past earth today. Really sad. It's only skimming past earth.

It's 10 times faster than a speeding bullets going 35 miles, 35,000 miles per hour. So not hitting us, sadly. You know, I thought it would be a sweet meteor of death, AKA smod, but there it is. Can I really quickly before I move on to some other stuff we've been talking about immigration, I've got to share this story with you. It's a Vegas one. So a Las Vegas ice cream truck was mistaken for an ice vehicle as a deportation raid unfolded.

I mean, I'm looking at it. It says Las Vegas ice cream patrol. I mean, it says ice on it. Yeah. So I get it. And they asked this guy. He says I'm an ice cream man.

That's it. But all these people were like, look, I mean, there are people who are on like TikTok and Instagram and X and Facebook and they were going, look what ice is doing. They all had they all had photos of this truck in and around Vegas. And they said they were saying that it's ice and they're trying to lure illegal immigrants. They even play music to get people to come outside.

This is so sick. It is literally just an ice cream man. Now the truck that he's in, it's what kind of truck it looks like a delivery truck. It looks like a Brinks truck. It's painted black and white. It says ice cream patrol and it has Las Vegas and it looks like it has a sheriff's star on it, but it says ice cream patrol. It's like a box truck.

It's like a box truck. Like, yeah. And on the side it says to entice and delight. It literally says ice cream patrol.

And on the side and smaller letters that are still big because it's the side of the vehicle, it says not affiliated with any law enforcement agencies. Yeah. Like they really have to make it clear. But people are like, Oh my gosh, there, there were people who were upset about this and they were demanding like they, they thought that this was ice that was coming in. And I mean, you guys gotta be careful with this or Selena Gomez is going to make another video where she's crying in her phone about something.

By the way, can I just add one more thing about that? She said when she responded to it after she took her video down, do you know what she said? She said that, uh, quote, uh, apparently it's not okay to show empathy for people.

She wasn't showing empathy for anybody except the criminals. You know, there was a story too, just, I think this is part of her pattern. She, uh, took heat from fans a few years ago because she publicly referred to her longtime friend, actress Francia Aratia as a girl who gave me a kidney. The girl literally gave her a kidney and a kidney transplant. And then she did an interview where she claimed that Taylor Swift was her only friend in the industry, which upset her friend who is an actress who gave her a legit kidney. And then her excuse was to say, quote, sorry, I didn't mention every person I know. How old is she?

I mean, at some point, you know, they talk about in cells that are men. What is the female equivalent of that? Because I feel like that's whatever she, she's 32 years old. You're, you're a midlife broad. You're 32 years old. You're not some like cute teeny bopper tween anymore. You're not some 20s twink.

You're 30 something years old now for the love of all things holy. Grow TF up. Stop this. So tired of this. What is, what the hell is happening with American women? Right? Oh, I'm sorry. Her people were, she's, I forgot to talk about her Punta Meda family at the Ritz.

The Ritz Carlton there. My people as much as her people. They're more your people than they are hers. Good grief. What is wrong with, I can't, I don't, I don't know this whole looking into the camera and crying and I'm so sad about politics and men.

I, but I see more women do it. I gotta say, thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana lashes, absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.