Absurd Truth: Canada Gonna Canada

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. A Florida Man trying to buy crack on Craigslist was arrested when an undercover deputy answered the ad. Holmes County Sheriff's Office, their investigators responded to the ad, posed as a seller, set up a media meeting with the individual, who'd been identified as Anthony Mata. Deputies say that Mata negotiated to buy an eight ball of meth for 80 bucks. After finalizing the deal, the investigator met him at the agreed upon location. They exchanged money. Deputies moved in.

Yeah, they on Craigslist. It just seems that seems so sketchy. That's so sketchy.

And meth is bad. And these guys look like they're in an old timey movie. Just saying, just...

I can't read the dog story. Oh my gosh. This guy, a Daytona Beach man, Douglas Matney. M-A-T-N-E-Y. Douglas Matney. M-A-T-N-E-Y. He looks exactly like a doucher.

Looks. 21 years old. Charged with felony animal cruelty. He's out of the Volusia County Branch Jail and $5,000 bond. He apparently shot a two-year-old black bull pick mix, pit bull mix, named Zola. And he shot the dog in the right cheek because the dog was aggressive during bath time. And they found him with the... They found the 55-pound dog with a bullet wound to his cheek. And it stopped in his abdomen. And he did not get medical attention for the pet.

And the police said that the dog apparently had non-functional back legs and was uncontrollably urinating on itself. It was been a lot of pain in this guy. I want this... I want to scalp this dude. I just... That's my own personal free speech opinion. I am not... You guys know what I think. Give me five... Oh my gosh. Give me 60 seconds.

Please, for the love of all things holy, in a locker room with this dude. That's some of the stuff. So, I don't know. Anyway.

So, that... I need a happy story now because that just makes me... That makes me mad. That's a horrible story. We could talk about this Florida dude who I don't... Oh gosh, these people. So, this Florida dude, he was denied entry to a USAA building and he put on a helmet and drove his car right into the facility.

Robert Beatty, 70. He went to the guard gate at the USAA office. He let inside.

They said, not gonna happen. So, then he put on a helmet and drove right through the parking garage and they're through their fences. They... Two people in a marked security SUV tried to block him in but then he reversed and struck their vehicle to create some space. He was on the third floor when they found him of the parking garage taken into custody. He got charged with two felony counts, aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, one felony count of burglary of an occupied structure, felony count of criminal mischief, $1,000 or more. He got some more charges. Thankfully, nobody was injured.

But I mean, the fact that he went and put on a helmet and then drove his car through. Yeah, I don't... I don't know this. Let's see this.

No, no, not doing that one. We could talk about the teacher from Port St. Lucie found naked any KK ID in an elementary school. Joe Urias faces multiple charges, including battery on a law enforcement officer, Somerset College Preparatory Academy. And apparently, according to Port St. Lucie, the 34-year-old Urias was found after police were dispatched to Wind Point Elementary School for a burglary in progress. When they arrived, they found him naked in the classroom, among clothes, food, a laptop, drugs and some private time accessories.

I don't know how else to say it. He re-clothed himself and tried to run out of the building once he was discovered. But guess what? They got him. And then the cop that grabbed him was punched in the face.

Urias was arrested, taken to St. Lucie County Jail. Wow, he's got a lot of charges. Lude behavior, burglary, possession of marijuana, battery, law enforcement. I mean, he's got a lot. He's got a lot of charges. That's all you need to know. There's too much to read.

He's got a lot and he's going to be in major trouble, trouble, major, major trouble. So our friends over at Caltech, the P-15. It stands for 15 pews, standard capacity. That might be a little bit more for the people who have weak arm muscles.

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Tell them Dana sent you. We just had a briefly in headlines. And thankfully, this is Canada and not the United States. But the headline is the town was fined because they refused to celebrate Pride Month. It's a town of 1300 people. So it's a small town.

The town, interestingly enough, is named Emo. It's in Ontario, and they violated the Ontario Human Rights Code that the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario established. And they said that their great offense, I mean, when you think that somebody violated, just pause for a minute. When you hear that somebody violated like some kind of human rights code, you think, wow, that sounds pretty serious, right?

I mean, human rights? Super serious. What did they do? Oh, it says here that they in the month of June did not proclaim that month Pride Month. I'm sorry, what? Oh, and they also were cited because they did not, they had failure to fly an L GBTQ to whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, rainbow flag. It's a $10,000 fine.

Excuse me, and all of the officials in emo are required to complete mandatory human rights training. See? Yeah, Kim, what's your question? Who do they pay it to?

Like the fine? Who's first? I don't know.

The gays? I don't know. The article doesn't actually say. They pay the city?

Like, what? They got a fine. Ontario, maybe?

Like the province of Ontario. So they chose not to celebrate? Well, it's not that they didn't celebrate. They just were like, we're not going to put up these tacky flags.

Because they are tacky. But they didn't celebrate to the standard of whoever's criticizing. Well, I mean, if if your question is, did they have a parade and fly the flags and send everyone out and leather dominatrix?

Gear with ball gags like the game from Pulp Fiction to go out and have like a full on, you know, painting pictures, a street festival of sex capades. Then you're correct. They did not do that. There were no street sex capades, celebrating pride over how you choose to do it behind closed doors.

And that costs money. I mean, where's the like that you can have pride and pride is a sin, by the way. So I think it's ironic that they're being fined for not celebrating literal sin, which is pride. But whatever. But why is that a thing?

Like why do you got Oh, if you didn't fly the flag, you didn't affirm how someone has to sex. I would I it's Canada, so they're not going to fight it. They're going to probably apologize and offer some maple syrup. I don't know. The maple leaf people up there. Oh, hey, we're so sorry.

We forgot to fly the flag. But are they paying the federal government? Are they paying? Well, I don't know. It's probably Ontario. It's probably I don't know. It's the Ontario people. I don't know. I don't know who these people are. The Canadians up there.

They issue fines because somebody didn't fly. The town was asked to fly the alphabet rainbow flag for a week of your choosing. Where are the straight people flags at?

Where's that at? What do we get just the Canadian flag? I mean, I just don't think that you're going to be appropriating the rainbow. First off, that's appropriation.

And I was told that was wrong. So you're appropriating the rainbow from the Christians. So let's stop there. Let's stop.

That's that's that's taken from Noah's time. So come up with your own thing. We got to have a straight person's flag then. And then do you get like the straight person to four or what about the straight person flag and then don't you get like an extra buff where it goes along with it?

Like like spaghetti and meatballs the straight person or this straight person can successfully eat edamame if it's three beans in without having to take two bites like how particular does it get a medium rare steak flag? Yeah, like the well done people out get out. You can't live in America. I don't care if you were born and raised here six generations will deport you somewhere. Don't bring that well done flag over here. Yeah, no done nothing.

Well done is only for like, jobs, not meat. So I don't know, I just Oh, so they said that there's a group called the Borderland Pride Group. Which sounds like a bunch of terrorist twinks. I'm gonna be honest with you.

So I just love it. They're they're they're very upset. They said in a single 12 month period, they did not receive they did not see a single week where the flag was flown. They said that emo ignored their repeated requests.

So they got mad about it. And they said that they need to take human rights 101. I think I'm going to lead a human rights course. I'm going to offer it on the internet.

I'm going to offer a human rights course. So if someone offends you, you punch them. Joking. I just this stuff is so dumb. And then I get mad because I'm like, why didn't I get into this? I would love to just fleece the left, right? I could I could make a head up and make up a company, right?

Go in there and I'm going to offer you human rights courses. Now here's the just make it ridiculous. And they'll go along with it. Because they're the left they're too terrified to be seen as going against the grain.

They they the desire to be so homogeneous has has killed any desire for individuality at all. So they they are terrified. They're terrified to poke a head up. No, they got to go with it. So I feel like that would you know, no one would ask anything came because then I could be like, are you assuming all of these things about what?

And then Oh, no, they don't want to be offended. And then we could also form an ancillary like Human Rights Council that we can cite people and then just pay ourselves from the fines. It sounds like you're trying to make government bigger. It sounds like I just came up with a damn great job. And I'll and I and that's what it sounds like I'm out. Look, I'm a capitalist.

I'm if I can make money off of somebody stupidity like that on the left all mall for it. High fives. High five and all the angels. If you're looking for a convenient, affordable way to access medications and treatments you can trust all family pharmacy has you covered whether it's the flu or parasites, cancer support or general well being. All family pharmacies online service makes getting the medications you need hassle free.

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It was a rural town on the border of Ontario, Minnesota in Canada. It was fine for refusing to celebrate Pride Month in June. Yeah, you gotta go out there and like sling the salami or something like that to celebrate. That's what you got to do. You gotta you gotta actually sell I mean, how do you celebrate Pride Month? You just like physically have the sex in the streets?

Like what do you do? No, you put up rainbow shut up. God help me you cannot have me in elected office.

I would be arrested for assault like instantly. They said that the town of emo. Of course it's called emo emo Ontario. It fallen it violated the Ontario Human Rights Code. The town has a population of 1300 people 1300 people 1300 persons emo did not proclaim June as a Pride Month, and they didn't fly the LGBTQ whatever the hell numbers Why are there numbers now? Rainbow flag. And in addition to the 10,000 fine, that people from emo were ordered to complete mandatory human rights training. Yeah.

What does that cost to not celebrate? We're coming back to the story. We're coming back to bookmark this.

Because we've this this we are not even begun. Also, we had the story earlier this United Healthcare CEO. This dude was on his way to a conference. This was on Avenue of the Americas. I swear to you, I've stayed at this this Hilton.

I think I did that I stayed at the cell for a book tour. So it's right there. That's what like blows the mind. It's right there in the middle of everything. It's across. It's like right by Rockefeller. It's across from where Jimmy Fallon does his show. It's like a few blocks down from Fox.

It's right there in Midtown. And yeah, it's that Hilton. And he apparently this guy 50 years old shot in the chest.

It was 646 in the morning. He was arriving for a conference. He's the CEO.

So it's like his conference. So he arrived and apparently this guy came up behind him in front of everybody and shot him in the chest. And then he got on one of those e bikes. And went away.

He had on a backpack. And I mean, he looks like I don't know, he it looks like a professional hit. That's what they were saying. Like this is like a hit.

Like this was not something that was by chance, like a chance criminal, whatever. So they said that the Christmas tree lighting and all that stuff is apparently still expected to go on just everybody keep your heads on a swivel. Trump is going to visit Paris for the Notre Dame's reopening for his first trip abroad. They're going to be doing different things on different days.

And he's attending one of them. So did you hear about I didn't know that there was luxury cannabis? I mean, I guess you can have artisanal weed. You can have artisanal anything, right? But what makes it artisanal? I mean, it doesn't get much more artisanal than growing in the sequoias with Bigfoot, right? I mean, I don't know. Jay Z had apparently a luxury cannabis company, which is funny to me. And it it struggled to sell everything.

$50 joints. I'm sorry. Was it now? I don't know how. Don't make fun of me.

Shut up. Does it come in like a carton like cigarettes? Do you get like a bunch of the joints?

Or is it just like, one? No, I mean, I guess you can buy several, but they don't come in packs like cigarettes. There is a company that does them, and they make them look like cigarettes, but they're actually... Or do people make their own? Yeah, no, people mostly roll their own, but they sell them in pre-rolls. Sorry, do you do like a grape leaf like with cigars? Or is it like just like cigarette paper? I'm curious. Yeah, it's cigarette paper.

Okay, so were these, I guess, pre-rolled? Luxury joints. $50. Again, not knowing. I only know like the hysterical stuff that I've ever seen with Cheech and Chong. I mean, I'm assuming they're like that. $50 for one of them.

How much does that get you? What are we talking about here? Yeah, Cheech and Chong is shockingly real life. Oh.

It's real life. So you get one joint for $50? No. That's what it says here. No, I know.

$50 for one of his luxury joints. No, I get that was their effort, but it didn't work out, obviously. Yeah, they lost half a billion dollars since they launched.

Yeah. How do you lose money on weed? If you do it stupid.

Make it really expensive. This is like one of the dumbest things I've ever seen in my life. They act like they're like, Oh, Sean Carter is a great businessman. Maybe but not with this, because I'm not even in the pot. And I could have told you, you're selling one little joint for $50.

Are you stupid? It's the luxury joint. Do California condors talon roll it? Like, how does that work? Are there gold flakes that you smoke?

What is it? Apparently, California has a tough legal pot market. I didn't know that either. It's wild. I love that everybody has to deal with bureaucracy. Like nobody, even the sin industries.

I love it. They said that none of the retailers across California and Arizona, they don't stock Jay Z's buds or joints on their online menus. Yeah. And they had, oh my gosh, this is Kamala level crazy. $575 million that they launched with. And now they're in trouble. They said that Jay Z's monogram products are overpriced and underwhelming.

Wow. And see, you never really get rid of the criminal element. They say California's legal weed sector has been stymied by complex rules, high taxes, competitions from black market traders, wildfires, sliding prices. A lot of people have been pushed into insolvency. But they said that it was mind boggling the amount of money that was pushed for this.

I could have told you immediately that probably not going to work. Like you're talking about luxury pot. People are broke. Everybody that is broke. And the people who are going to be doing this are probably going to be like the Jay Z rich level people. They're going to be people who think that smokiness makes them Jay Z rich level. And now they can't they can't afford it because everybody's broke because of the president Jay Z endorsed and his administration. So I can't say that I feel sorry for him. I don't. I just think it's funny.

Like who thought that you know what we're in a time of it's a it's a lockdown. Let's launch a luxury cannabis company and charge people $50 per joint. What else can you make luxury like artisanal weed? Are you going to do artisanal kefir, Kane? It's pretty artisanal. I don't know how much more artisanal you can make it. It's pretty artisanal on its own. I don't know.

Glass bottles preserved from, you know, Quaker. I have no idea what you could do with it. It Yeah, that sounds I during a time of inflation.

I just don't think that luxury stuff, especially starting any kind of luxury line is going to make it take off. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.