Absurd Truth: The Next Dick Cheney

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Spaghetti a la battery. Florida Man was jailed on a battery charge after he hit somebody with literal spaghetti. Ready to drop bombs.

But Markelle Royale, that's his name. He forgot that you can't do that. Apparently he was drunk, became irate and threw a bowl of spaghetti to his wife's head. Noodles hit her in the front of her body and her stomach.

The officers arrived at the pair's Largo residence. They found her covered in spaghetti sauce. He has a lengthy criminal history that includes batter, again, beating his wife and beating his kids. He had to beat my kids. Oh my God, gosh, this man.

Well, let's just say Saw has nothing on what I would do. But the parents, so he can't have a contact. He's got like literally a rap sheet that goes over 20 years. Tons of drug convictions.

He's fallen. He's, you know, got firearms charges on top of being a felon in illegal possession. So yeah, he's, he's not a nice guy.

Not a nice guy. His own customer, a Florida Man car dealer, carjacked his own customer over a missed payment. The employee is a part of the family that owns the dealership and threatened the customer with a gun too, apparently. So this is how this story happened. I mean, this came from Motor Biscuit.

This is a fun site. So in Miami, this federal jury convicted a car dealer employee of carjacking and the guy, he's 24 years old, he purchased a Honda Accord from the dealership in 2023, October 2023. So a year ago. The US Attorney's Office, they sent a press release, it was about, you know, $13,800 in sale. The sales, apparently the dealer never gave the buyer any loan paperwork and the dealer had specific terms with the finance company. So if the buyer made a late payment within the first two months, the dealer would have to buy out the company's loan. So the buyer was late on their first payment, but ultimately paid a plus a late fee. And then they got and then the dealer got a letter from the finance company demanding the full loan. So then they were told not to repossess the vehicle, but apparently they did anyway. So the guy the buyer had noticed one day in a black BMW following him and then he got out of his he apparently had a red light the guy a guy got out of the BMW and they carjacked the guy took his car left the buyer in the street and that's how they repossessed it.

Yes, it's totally not hot. And they literally found the guy that works with the dealer guilty of carjacking, and he brandished a gun at the guy. So he's sentenced in January. And apparently if you thought that the auto dealer called guru auto sales had some complaints of the Better Business Bureau, if you suspected it, guess what, you're you're correct on that there. There are a few complaints that they got. I'm sure you're really surprised about it. But you know, it's, uh, it's true.

Very true. This I've never seen anyone go to this extent for concert tickets. I don't even think Steve would do this. So this guy apparently was and this is from a music site, a Florida man tried to cut off and eat a karate teacher's toes for bass nectar tickets. What? Is that real? That's not real.

Looks like it is. It seems like it's a fake story. But apparently, that's what they're describing. They're saying that's what it says. And of course, the article is written so poorly.

I don't even want to like try to sift through it to like give you the story because it's like I would fire all those people and I would buy the company that published the story just to shut it down and fire everyone as penalty for that one bad story where they bury the lead. Let's see, this is from a music site. This also, Florida has been named the second best state to live in, even after all the hurricanes. Florida was named number two.

And I don't think you really need a whole study for that, though, really. I mean, a lot of people are going there. They said it's the seventh lowest tax rate, sixth highest median household income. So it's a great place to build wealth. And they said that it's a pretty safe state as well. So number two, the number one they're saying is Massachusetts.

And I think those people are crazy. Why? Is it just because of fall? It has to be just because of fall, right? Massachusetts number one.

How does it get number one? I don't know. I don't but I'm not buying that.

Not buying it. And then this apparently there was a kangaroo on loose in a Florida County. Volusia County said that it escaped away from a home. A kangaroo was spotted hopping around Volusia County, it got out of its enclosure. And the Volusia County Sheriff's Office was called, they shared video of it hopping around.

The apparently, it gets better. The kangaroo escaped. You know why? Because a bear entered its enclosure. And a bear is still missing. So there's a bear and a kangaroo, which is what I feel like this WESH article kind of doesn't overstate enough. So there you go.

The owner has been notified. They're on the lookout. Our partners over at Kel-Tec, the P-15.

If you don't have it, you should get it. It's the lightest, thinnest double stack nine millimeter on the market. And lightweight, powerful 15 round standard capacity.

It ships with two magazines, one standard 15 round minimal pinky extension, one flush fit double stack mag that holds 12 rounds, tritium and fiber optic front sight, fully adjustable fiber optic two dot reader, striker fire reliability, great trigger full, has the metal version and the polymer version. It's their striker fire pistol. And it's from the inventors of the micro compact pistol category. It is absolutely ideal for concealed carry self defense quality made right here in America.

The literally the it is the thinnest double stack nine millimeter around you're not going to you're you're not losing stopping power it packs a punch without dragging you down. Innovation performance Kel-Tec. Learn more at Kel-TecWeapons.com. That's K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com.

It's the P-15 tried at the range today. Tell them Dana sent you. Yeah, I mean, always have your first aid kit handy. You know, you never know what's going to happen around can always bounce off of anything and and come back and nix somebody and so you got to be prepared for that. You got to be ready to go.

We had like four first aid kits here. And, you know, I'm pretty proud of the fact that we had that we were able to take care of the situation. I hope your arms feeling better, brother.

And yeah, we'll have to get you to sling around down range here and maybe blow up a coke bottle, huh? Yeah, I'm in. Whatever. Thanks, guys.

Thanks, brother. Thank you. I need a minute.

Give me a minute. Because I don't know if you follow me on social media at all. I had some words about this. I had a late night working. I had some words about this last night. The don't be a cunts.

Just don't be. Is that how you pronounce his name? Yeah, that's how you pronounce his name.

Kane, did you not know that the man's name? I thought it was coons. It's whatever I say it is. Oh, it's how we're doing this today. You know, it's how we're doing it.

By the way, Tannerite doesn't just absorb away. Wait, no, stop. You're getting ahead of everything. I know. Wait, stop.

Nope, nope, stop. We got time for that. I need a moment because what the hell did we just watch?

It was like a Renaissance painting of dumb blankery. Watching all of that. So, first off, welcome to the program.

Dana Lash with you. We're at the top of our first hour. I'm in the theater last night.

I went to go see James O'Keefe's new film, Lying in the Sand, and it was really great. And I noticed my phone started going off. I look at my phone, I pick my phone up, and I look at it. It's several friends, you know, saying, have you been online recently? Like, what are you talking about? I said, I need you. I need you to go look at the Twitters.

Particularly, I need you to go look at Lucas Kuntz's pages. K-U-N-C-E. That's his name. Golly, it's like Schitt's Creek. S-C-H-I-T-T-S. This is his name. Stop it. K's over here.

I'm gonna stroke. Stop it. They're like, you need to go look at his stuff. And I went and I looked. And if one could throw up the screenshot, this is the first thing that I saw. I wrote about it, too, if you're subscribed over at Substack, Dana Lash, here with you. I wrote about it, too.

And I'll be dang. He's bragging. He thought that was a flex. Now, if you don't know who Lucas Kuntz is, he's the guy. He's the Democrat incumbent, or no, sorry, he's the Democrat challenging the Republican incumbent, Josh Hawley, and R.J. Home State of Missouri. And so there were four photos that he shared on Twitter.

And he, oh, it's so bad. He shared these photos. He's bragging about, first off, let's stop here. He's bragging about shooting a reporter at a campaign event at the range.

So this tweet, there were four photos. And in one of the photos specifically, that they had was a picture of Adam Kinzinger. And everybody remembers Adam Kinzinger. You all know who Adam Kinzinger is, right? He's the guy who's a big giant rhino.

Big giant rhino. And he was there shooting. It was a range day.

It was a campaign range day. And he's there. I don't know, he's holding AR-15 with a giant scope on it, standing seven yards away from steel targets, shooting over a table of Tannerite. And he has no ear, no eye pro on nothing. And he's holding his rifle like an absolute capital B and something itchy. It, like I said, it's like a Renaissance painting of dumb blankering.

So many things wrong with that image. And then of course, shocking. A reporter is in is indirectly shot because they're shooting steel with 223. They also had a bolt action there. They were on steel seven yards away. And a reporter gets injured. And Lucas Kunz thinks that that's a good thing to post online as a flex.

He wrote great day at the range today with my friend Adam Kinzinger. We got to hang out with some union workers while exercising our freedom. Always have your first aid kit handy.

Shrapnel can always fight. First off, no, you weren't. How was that a great range day? You shot a dude. This is like the Alec Baldwin Rust set. You shot a dude.

You Dick Cheney'd a dude. You went full Alec Baldwin on this set of Rust. And he calls it a great day at the range while posting a picture of Adam Kinzinger looking like an absolute bitch holding a rifle. He's like leaning so far away from it.

It's like he's simultaneously terrified of it. And also he wants to flex. He's got his elbow sticking out like a chicken wing. I mean, can you properly shoulder the thing? This is good having someone tell him how to extend it.

He's going to hurt himself and everybody else. And why does he have that foregrip? Why is that giant grip like that?

Why? Why is he that close to the targets? Why is he shooting over Tanner right?

Why does he exist? We have a million questions. But Lucas Kinz calls it a great day at the range. They went to the Alec Baldwin School of range shooting. You know, some people, you know, they got a gun sight. Now these guys went to the Alec Baldwin School. So a reporter gets shot.

Oh, but wait, they then they were like, you know what? When a bandaid will do, why not apply a tourniquet? And the first rule of applying a tourniquet is to get a gun. And the second rule of applying a tourniquet is to apply it directly to the wound. Oh, no, here they are not knowing what the hell a tourniquet is applying it directly to his wound. When a bandaid would have done.

I always thought the general rule is if you can smile, then a bandaid will suffice. Correct. That's what I have always been told.

I don't know. But this happened. This all came out last night. I just and it's a good thing that Kinzinger has his eye his eye pro protecting his hair. I mean, heaven forbid.

But if you don't, if you guys don't know what Tannerite is, it goes splody boom. It's the best way to put it. The number one rule of reckless range day is to shoot directly above the splody boom stuff and then apply tourniquets directly on the wounds of the reporter that you indirectly shot. I mean, I am just surprised and shocked that with all of these safety measures in place, I never would have thought that you know, a report that a reporter would have been hit.

I don't know. But here's the thing. These guys are big gun control advocates. They want magazine, they want restrictions on magazine capacity, the whole thing. By the way, there's always a tweet. Of course there is. So this he's like the this Lucas Kunz guy.

I mean, it's it's amazing. When the McCluskey story happened in St. Louis. Lucas Kunz decided that he was going to get on X and he posted, quote, Hey, mansion man McCluskey. My offer still stands for a marine lead weapon safety training before you go get your next gun. I think he needs to take the safety training. I have not seen a campaign cell phone like this since Michael Dukakis. And at least Michael Dukakis didn't shoot anybody directly or indirectly. They should form a club.

This is like classic white dude for Harris. They should form a club with Alec Baldwin and Dick Cheney and Tim Walz. Yes, they should.

I they should form a club. I mean, I just want to let you know, I'm going to make fun of this all day. Because I've never seen anybody's cell phone so hard in my life. I mean, I, I don't understand. And then they were like shrapnel, there's shrapnel.

And then there's what the stuff from ricochets. I mean, there is a difference. But, but you can't criticize them because they're like, Well, we served in the military. Oh, I didn't realize and look, I appreciate those things. But we literally led a revolution and cut a bunch of Hessians heads off on Christmas Eve so that we weren't ruled by a military or a king. So let's all keep that in mind, shall we? Just saying.

Yeah, on Christmas. God bless America. So I'm just saying that doesn't that doesn't mean that you get a pass for being a dumb ass at the range. If this would have happened at my range, this would have happened at Texas gun experience, they had thrown them out.

If this would have happened at the outdoor range, I go to they would have been tossed out my gosh, I would have tossed them out. I this is crazy. People like this. Just I mean, it's terrifying.

It is absolutely terrible. I would not want to be at the cane. Would you want to go to the range of these guys? What if they were like, Hey, Kane, let's go shoot. Would you be like who know?

I'll meet you there. Oh, my gosh. This and there and then so Adam Kinzinger tried to defend it last night by talking about j six.

I swear to you. I don't know but people weren't shooting people at j six. Not like y'all were at your campaign event. The range. I can't but I can't believe this guy posted this online without any self awareness. And he thought it was a flex. He thought that was a flex. That would be like me sharing a picture on x of me throwing a ball. I can't throw to save my life. Everything's a dangerous projectile. Everything is a weapon in my hands. I cannot throw I couldn't play baseball. I'd be killing people. It'd be like me trying to post something like that. And I feel like it's a flex or me too. I mean, it's just so bad.

Why would you debase yourself? Like because he doesn't know. That's the short answer. He doesn't know they're morons.

These are people. I honestly, I know I've I've said a lot about this last night. Never let anyone tell you what's going on. Anybody who does any of the stuff that we've just shown you or discussed, not only near your gun rights, but near elected office. Don't let these people anywhere near it.

Nowhere near it. I mean, the fact that they were literally shooting over Tanner, right? And no one thought Hey, guys, maybe we shouldn't shoot over this floaty boom stuff. We should take it off the table.

Nobody thought of that. Golly, it's just chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. So yes, good. Good afternoon to everybody except Lucas Kunst and Adam Kinzinger who went full Baldwin.

Like their campaign range event was a rust film set. I mean, that's Lucas Kunst in Missouri. Don't be a Kunst.

I'm just telling you don't be like him. So I have something to offer you today, something absolutely free. Hillsdale College, the great American college with a huge and effective educational outreach effort on behalf of Liberty. They're giving away free copies of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence before the November election. Hillsdale's immediate goal is to put a pocket constitution in the hands of 1 million Americans who may not have one. And if you have one already, well, you can order one for someone you know who does not.

But the offer is only for a limited time. So claim your free pocket. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana F.O.R.

Hillsdale. All right, so Bill Gates privately says that he's backed Kamala Harris with a $50 million donation. But sit here and whine some more about Elon Musk left. Oh my God, he's a billionaire. It's right above the election.

But then there's su- it's like crickets when it's Bill Gates doing it. Just, you know, hmm. Of course, is anybody surprised at this though? Is anybody actually surprised that he- It's D different.

Yeah, it's D different. Disgraced. Okay, so did you guys have on your bingo cards this year, the Abercrombie's CEO being a pederast?

Did you guys have him? Okay, so the dude, he, well, he's the former CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch, which totally, like, explains it. Their stores were always weird. Like, they smelled like, like cologne and they were dark and it was like a- I mean, you walk in and it was like a dimly lit, drunk, bad frat house.

Not all frats are bad. Uh, and so anyway, this former Abercrombie and Fitch guy, Mike Jeffries, he's released on bail. He's 80 years old. He was accused of running an international sex trafficking operation in a bombshell 16 federal- 16 count federal indictment. He and his partner were arrested in West Palm Beach.

There's a third dude who was arrested in the same case in Wisconsin. Uh, he- oh my gosh, he looks like- you guys remember that old creepy, like, dead guy from Poltergeist who wore the wide brimmed Quaker hat? Okay, he looks like that. This guy's got way too much- and then Juan's finding a very old photo of him. He totally does not look like this anymore.

He looks creepier, older, grayer, and saggier, if you can imagine. It's so nasty. Anyway, he was released on half a million dollars bond, uh, and, uh, the- I don't even want to give- I can't even give you all the details of his crimes. Basically, if you can- however you- whatever nastiness you can imagine, yes.

Yes, he did it. I mean, there literally are no exceptions. I'm not even exaggerating. That's how bad it is. I can't even get into, like, the details of the case. It's gross. Uh, let's see.

This- ooh. Oh, this is kind of weird. Um, I feel like this also was a skit on Dave Chappelle Cripps. Scientists discover 80 million year old fully intact dinosaur eggs from a previously unknown species. It's the smallest fully intact dinosaur egg ever discovered in a remote area of China. I'm immediately going to ask questions because they did make fake pandas.

Just saying. Uh, the egg isn't over an inch long. It's one of six dinosaur eggs in a fully preserved next from the late Cretaceous period. Uh, and, uh, that's- it's weird. They're weird looking. They got pictures of them.

They are weird looking, but, I mean, I'm just wondering. Scrambled eggs, anybody? Stick with us. So, uh, last night, folks, Barack Obama was in Detroit.

We told you that they were going to have- they were going to bring up, uh, Eminem, right? Before I get too far into this segment, first off, welcome back. Dana Lash with you, bottom of this first hour. And, uh, you can watch us Channel 347, Direct TV, Rumble, we're on X. The chat happens at Rumble.

Also find us at Substack, Chapter and Verse. The reason I bring up the Eminem thing is because what in the world is up with his Wooly Willy beard? Here's my Wooly Willy. Them- what was it? Were they iron shavings? And you, like, arrange them magnetically around this bald man's face. It was- I had one.

I think I got it at a dollar store in Southern Missouri somewhere. And when I see Eminem with his beard, I think of Wooly Willy. Like, he dyes it and it looks weird, and it- it just doesn't look right, you know?

Like, it doesn't look right. Anyway, so Barack Obama was in Detroit with Eminem, and in case you haven't had your dose of cringe today, here it is. Audio Soundbite 9, go ahead. I gotta say, you know, I have done a lot of rallies, so I don't usually get nervous. But I was feeling some kind of way following Eminem.

Now I notice my palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on my sweater already, mom's spaghetti, I'm nervous, but on the surface I look calm and ready to drop down, but I keep on forgetting. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

If you didn't have- I mean, just because you can doesn't mean you should. I'm just saying. Boy, I guess they convinced everybody there, look, Barack Obama knows some words to a song.

We're gonna vote for Marxism, yay! Do you guys wanna know what the- have you ever seen that Spider-Man meme where it's two Spider-Men in an alley pointing at each other? Have you guys ever wanted to know what that sounded like in Soundbite form, Audio Soundbite 8?

Because Audio Soundbite 8 is the Spider-Man meme. Like, come to life. Listen. I don't understand how we got so toxic and just so divided and so bitter and I get why sometimes people just don't want to pay attention to. And we all have friends like that, we have family members who are just like, ah, you know, it's all a circus out there. I get that.

Really? Yeah, dude, that was you. Like, Bitter Clinger?

Domestic terrorist? I mean, I remember what y'all call the Tea Party. Pepperidge Farm remembers.

What is this? Like, I just don't know how we got you damn Bitter Clingers. I just don't know how we got so divided, you domestic terrorist, you bunch of racist hillbillies.

I just don't know why we got so divided. I'm so shocked. It's the greatest mystery of our time. Oh my gosh, I just can't. These people, I'm telling you what, it is something else. I just cannot.

And so I, you know, it's amazing to me to see this. And I don't know if it's going to convince anybody to go and vote for Kamala Harris. Speaking of which, I got some, I mean, her, her numbers, she's struggling.

Everyone's making a big deal about how much she's struggling with dudes. Now she's holding, don't get all excited, Democrats, she's holding Reuters as a 46-43 lead over Trump. And this is a Reuters, Ipsos poll.

This is a new survey that's out. Again, margin of error is within the margin of error, but she's losing dudes and young voters are not getting super jazzed about this. They're not really jazzed about her. They are, her, the inroads that she's making here are being chipped away elsewhere. And I think that's, that's important to, to kind of, to keep in mind. I mean, I think people are just, they're just depressed. She's a depressing candidate. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.