Absurd Truth: French Toast Supplies

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

Whoo-hoo-hoo. Alright, so first up, hmm, this crazy, well this guy went to jail as a for being a pickle thief. I almost said for pickle thieving.

Sounds kinda, it's not pickle ball. I mean, you know, well. Uh, Polk County Sheriff's Office. The Superway Food Mart. A Florida man was called in. He had committed a theft from the store earlier in the day. And he was back at the store causing a disturbance. He fled after he realized the store employee called 911. And he frequently steals from the store.

And then he tries to like, sometimes he will try to pay for the merchandise, but then he throws the incorrect amount and literally throws it on the counter and runs away. Uh, so he stole pickles and the store owner had enough. Now he's going to jail. Upon arrest, Felipe Jesus Gutierrez says quote, oh I'm going to jail as a pickle thief. Yeah, well thank you for naming yourself. That's great because it sounds really good in a headline. It's hysterical.

Yeah, so, but here's the most important question. What kind? If it's the sweet pickles, take them away immediately. You don't like those bread and butter pickles. They're nasty. Do you like them? I like them. What does it matter with you?

I haven't had them in forever. You people who eat bread and butter pickles and people who think cilantro taste like soap. I don't get you people. Right, I don't think cilantro tastes like soap at all.

But I do, I do enjoy that. Yeah, good stuff. Yeah.

Bread and butter pickles. So a teen girl, Florida girl brought a taser to a middle school because she had a problem with another student. Now back in my day we just beat the snot out of them on the playground. But she was having a problem, 13 year old girl. She got arrested for bringing a weapon to Beth Shields Middle School. And they said they got a tip about a student spark testing a taser at a bus stop.

It was in her purse during an administrative search and it's lavender colored, it's a new one. She brought a taser and a taser to the school. borrowed it and brought it to school because she had a problem with another student. Now what gets me is that, you know, the sheriff is like, it's unacceptable that someone bring a weapon to school to terrorize another student. You realize that she felt like she had to because she was being terrorized by another student. Like, I don't know, maybe let's look at what the bully's doing to make a student feel like they got to do that to protect themselves. Just saying it goes both ways here.

Just it goes both ways. I don't want to talk about the guy who abused the dog's cane. How bad was it? I purposely didn't read the story. It was bad. Okay, can I not?

I can't. All I know is that a guy was accused of horrific animal abuse to his dogs in Polk County. And I feel like, I don't even know more, death penalty.

The highlights are, yeah, no, and I agree with the death penalty, but the highlights were carcasses all around, emaciated dogs that were alive, no food or water to be seen. I'll take care of the problem for free for Florida. I'll go down there on my own time, my own dime. I'll take care of that little problem for you, for that guy. I'm just saying, you know, I'm not telling you what I'm doing, I'm just saying I'll take care of the problem. I'm a wolf. Call me. I'll come help.

Let's see here. This, no, no, not doing that one because I don't need that. Don't need this one either. And I also don't need that one. Can we stop going to stores and having romantical times just ourselves?

That'd be amazing. I mean, why is this, it's like constantly a thing. This Florida woman accidentally, she says, misplaced $330 while depositing company checks over a two-year period. I accidentally put it in my account.

This is Margate Medical Rehab employee, faces grand theft charges. And it was a two-year scheme apparently. But what she had said was, and the woman, it went all the way up to July of last year, she, her name's Louise Pierre, she just was accidentally putting them in her account. She didn't realize it was going into her account.

She didn't mean to do that. Our partners over at Hillsdale, an actual educational institution, their initiative is about spreading awareness regarding our nation's core values. And so to that effect, they were founded in 1844 to offer the kind of education needed to preserve civil and religious liberties. And they offer that with their free resources, like their free speech digested in Primus. They offer it with their educational podcasts. They're also handing out free pocket constitutions.

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Dana 4, hillsdale.com. Now in the meantime, we've got the strike. It's already been crazy. Have y'all been to a Costco or Sam's? It's nuts.

They're already doing it. The rationing's starting, New York City Costco shoppers emptied shelves in a panic over the port strike. And I don't like getting people all hyped up, getting them to freak out over this stuff. And I'm still like, meh, don't freak out.

But you know, if you, like I need to get some, just some stuff for dinner and I like getting some produce at Costco more so than some of these other stores because I just think their produce selection is better. I wouldn't even go in there first because I have all of it. And it was crazy. It's crazy when you go in there and you see people freaking out like, oh my gosh, like what? They're like planning on having just like massive diarrhea like when this is going like, why do you need that much toilet paper?

I just don't get why you need that much toilet paper. Man, that Ozark came out just then. Did you hear that? Toilet? Oh my gosh. That's it. Hold up. Hold up.

That's a specific part of the Ozarks. It says toilet. My grandmother said toilet. So it was very different. Like I do not have the R. My R's in the wash. All right. Hers is in the toilet.

So it's very, very different. But people were emptying, they said no toilet paper, no paper towels. You know, the only stuff that's left is the thin, nasty stuff.

It's like tissue paper. Right. That's all that's left.

This is in Staten Island. They were going through everything. Water. They were going through paper towels. They were going through all of it. People were just, you know, they were alarmed about the push. Just chill out. Calm thyself. I was in Sands last night in the DFW area and shelves empty of water, empty of paper towels, empty of toilet paper.

And literally the line and every register was at least three or four people deep. Some of this is going to be self-induced. Yeah.

It's psychology. Absolutely. It is. I don't know what it is, but people feel like they got to go and buy all the paper products and French tow supplies. Have you noticed, like whenever there's like a, if it's a hurricane, if it's a snowstorm, if it's a tornado, whatever it is, people got to go out and they got to get French tow supplies and all the toilet paper that they can imagine.

Right. Toilet paper? Toilet paper. I can't help it. I'm just, toilette sounds so weird to say. Juan's laughing.

Juan, I swear to you, Juan says certain things better in English than I have ever been able to say. But for real though, I mean, what is, it's always the same supplies. Have you noticed this? Doesn't matter if it's like, oh, if there's a strike, is there a supply chain crisis? Is there a snowstorm? We need French tow supplies and all the toilet paper you got. Like, what are you putting in them French toasts? What do you put in it? What is, what are you eating?

I don't know. Like I see people, I would be too embarrassed sidebar for real. I would be way too embarrassed to get that much. I couldn't go and do a rush on the shelves. I would not want to give and I, it's weird cause I don't care what people think unless it's something like that. I could not cause I know how I am. I'm judging you to death. If I'm seeing you stand in the line at Costco and you've got all the packs of toilet paper in your cart, I'm thinking what is wrong with you?

That's my first thought. Like you need a doctor. You don't need more toilet paper.

You need a doctor fiber, right? Like what is your deal? Oh my gosh. And you know, or paper towels. I'm like there. Just get a rag.

What is your, what's your damage? I just, I don't know man. I, I, I would just be too embarrassed about that, right? Like I don't want, I don't want people, I don't know. Like it's just weird. Is that weird? No.

Like Trump doesn't want to fall asleep on the beach in front of cameras. I don't want to be seen in Costco buying all the toilet paper. I don't know. I saw it last night. I just went in there for some cheese and some other, what else did I get? What did you go in there for? I went in there for some cheese and I got, um, what else did I get?

I got some dairy stuff. That's what it was. That's what happens. You go in these stores and you don't remember what the hell you walked out with. Yeah, cause I did. I just went, I was right there and I just jumped in just to see, and people, I mean stacked the water, stacked in their carts, the toilet paper. And I would, I don't know, I wasn't vibing with those people.

I wouldn't vibe with them either. I mean, I don't even need, cause I'm already prepared. See, I accumulate over a period of time so I don't have to go in and embarrassingly buy and a small platoon's worth of toilet paper. I think I'm good till the end of the year. Oh dude, for real, I'm easily good till the end of the year.

Oh, easily. And maybe even after, cause I got grades of stuff, right? I got my good stuff, I got my mid tier and then I got this stuff where it's like, we're a step away from being cicadas, this is what we got. So I got tiers of it, you know, for rationing and that. Just reminds me of the COVID stuff. Remember when everything, when they made a run on toilet paper back then? Just doesn't, it's, it's psychological.

It is, it's so psychological. So they got, so the strikes aren't going, I mean there are, yeah, you're going to see price increases with certain things. There's I don't think you're not going to be able to get items.

I think it's going to be how expensive are those items going to be? Because yes, this affects the ports that are on the East Coast going into like, what, the Gulf. But, you know, you can, ships will probably, they can, it'll be a hell of a lot more expensive thanks to oil. But, you know, they can go through, the communist controlled Panama Canal, CCP controls Panama Canal.

Great job US. And go through Panama Canal and then go around the West Coast ports or, you know, you're looking at, and then you have freight and air. I mean, it's, so it's going to be more expensive. But for sure, but I don't, I mean, I think if there's going to be something that you absolutely have to have, I think you're going to be able to get it.

But do you want to pay that much for it? I'm just wondering, you know, the longer that this goes out, you know, what does that, what's that mean for prices like going into Christmas and, you know, all this other stuff? So we got the shoppers that are emptying shelves. It's apparently, it's costing the US economy some hard cash, and they don't want any automation. You're going to have to have some automation.

You're going to have to. You can't have the United States, our ports fall behind, continue falling behind everybody else. This is the US of A. Like I want it to be so damn swanky when people pull in here. They're, I want people to go, my gosh, look at what freedom does.

That's what I want them to be bowled over by how awesome things can be if you're free. And instead we got Harold Daggett gold ring, you know, oh, I didn't even, I don't think I have time to get into this, but dude, I don't know how I missed this because I don't know a lot about Cartier, but, um, he apparently was wearing like Cartier glasses festooned with diamonds and gold in one of his videos. I am not even kidding. I don't know how much some glasses cost, how much a pair of Cartier and fancy Cartier glass. First off, what the hell kind of man wears Cartier glasses? I'm calling, I'm calling you out on how tough you think you are. If you're wearing more gold than your average B, how in the heck are you, come on. I mean, this is, this is some Liberace territory here.

Well dude, come on. What man wears Cartier sunglasses? Who does this? He's wearing these like fancy, he dresses like, sorry, but he dresses like an old lady going to church. He does. He's got his Cartier sunglasses on. How much are those glasses?

How are you acting like you're a man of the people and you look like a fruit loop all golden out and nugget it out and all this shut up. Good night. Thanks a lot.

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It's the P-15. Tell them Dana sent you. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. All right so first and foremost and pull this up here. I had to restart some stuff. It's probably the solar flare. By the way that's the other thing we're going to talk about. Apparently it's like one of the biggest solar flares. What did they say in like 17 years?

Something to that effect. One of the biggest solar flares in like 17 years. And it happened earlier this morning and they said we're expected to I guess feel the residual after effects of it for what? How long? Like days?

I think the first is going to be like in a day or two. So that might mean that you could see more of like those auroras the further south that you go and everyone's like oh there's going to be radio blackouts and I don't know if it's going to be all that. Let's see here. The um oh would you fly this? An AI passenger plane with no pilot where travelers can sit in the cockpit and quote unquote enjoy the view? No.

I would. You know what? This is what the robots want you to think. They want you to be like yes come fly in our plane. It's the AI plane.

And then you know maybe for a few years everything's going to go just peachy keen right? I've seen the robotaxis and stuff. I read a story the other day where a Roomba ate a woman's hair. What?

Yeah her head was in the Roomba. I'm not going to sit here and fly on this plane. I ain't flying on an AI plane.

No thank you. Uh let's see there's uh doctors want to use a new BRI system to measure how round you are instead of BMI. I don't understand that.

Why? What's because BMI is pretty accurate. It's called I'm not making this up the body roundness index. Do we all just get a little dumber?

I think we all just got a little dumber. It's BMI is widely used but it's controversial. Now they want the body roundness index and they're trying to go why cellulite on your thighs is a good thing. Shut up. Shut up. This they're trying to make you like they're trying to celebrate unhealthy bodies and act like it's body positivity.

No no thanks. An Idaho man took a homeless person to breakfast. Oh that's nice. Oh but then he drug and stabbed him 16 times.

That's not nice. That guy's that guy's nuts. He killed a vagrant took him to IHOP and now he's been sentenced to life in prison. I hope his life is shortened in prison. You know not by anything bad just you know if it's I just don't want him to die on the outside. I want him to you know be in prison for a long enough time that he can die on the inside like I cleaned that up.

That's nice wasn't it? I got two annoying stories for you. Let me get to the Will Ferrell one first and then we're going to get to the biohacker people. So Will Ferrell he made this movie where he it's uh it's something and on a Netflix documentary it's called Will and Harper or whatever. I don't know I'm not watching it because Will Ferrell used to be funny and then he got high on his own supply and he got really annoying and preachy and I just can't stand it. And I saw these comedians when they get older they're just like I've got to be serious and talk about it.

Shut up. So he one of his friends who's a dude wants to identify as a woman and so he does this documentary and it's all the people promoting it including Will Ferrell are the only ones saying that it's controversial. They're like it's a controversial documentary it's super controversial and they're like pushing it like look how controversial no one's saying that no one cares. And so he takes this dude as part of I guess like a scene from this documentary to a Texas Roadhouse right or Texas I guess Texas Roadhouse it is a Texas Roadhouse but the people and Daily Mail have no idea what the hell they're talking about so it's they just said random Texas Steakhouse it's Texas Roadhouse dude I know them rolls anywhere. So he took his friend to this steakhouse I guess to try to see if they could sit there and eat and if anybody would give him stuff for pretending to be a woman and so they're sitting there they got cameras all around they're trying to make a spectacle of them of themselves they gave themselves a big toast at the table and then the dude who's pretending to be a woman Harper said we gave a little toast and I said something about passing a trans bill and the room did a reversal. You're you're treating people are in there trying to just eat their food and you come in there with a bunch of cameras you sit down and you start making loud remarks about trans issues when people and you're surprised that people don't want their meals interrupted by your BS and then you're you're you're going to use you being a moron and being a bad guest and patron as a way to falsely accuse them of being bigots because they just don't want their meals interrupted by your attention seeking read the room you fruitcake golly so they they I mean and you can see they got photos there and they got their camera crews all there and they're making a big deal about it and then and then Harper that dude who pretends to be a woman got up and made a political speech they conveniently left that out of the documentary because they wanted to try to get the room turning on them and they wanted to set these people up to make them look like bigots prime the room oh there's a trans person in here here's the trans person they're going to sit down and have their steak they went to a Texas roadhouse they're going to try to antagonize these people so that they can get the reaction they want and then show them all as being bigots they gave a speech in there and this Harper steel gets up in this damn crowded restaurant and says quote I wish you guys would do more for trans rights in this state and then you would be surprised if somebody rolls their eyes or is like just shut up and eat your food I mean interestingly enough nobody was mean to them if anybody booed them they deserve to get booed because you're interrupting all these people they just want to get away from this crap and you're going in this restaurant and you're interrupting their food attention-seeking self-glorifying because you want to try to falsely portray these good people as being bigots when you're the one who's creating noise in the restaurant you're the one who what kind of fruit does this stands up in the middle of the restaurant makes a speech about trans rights oh my gosh you guys are shocked at that you must be biggest no they're shocked that a loudmouth is standing up in the middle of the restaurant interrupting their meal that by the way is probably three times more than what it would normally cost because the stupid policies you support this is so stupid oh it's controversial and then Will Ferrell goes I I sobbed he said he regrets taking his friend to that Texas steakhouse he said he just it was a bad choice and he sobbed so wait a minute you annoyed everybody for a scene for your movie and then you're going to try to act like I just I can't believe what I forced my friend to endure by going to the steakhouse who are these people I mean absolutely insufferable thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast if you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on apple podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcasts