Absurd Truth: Bread & Circus

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. I am I dude I don't know a Florida woman was arrested for drowning her roommate's pet jumping spider in ginger ale.

Oh my gosh. Okaloosa County woman was arrested Monday after she allegedly drowned her roommate's pet spider according to Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office. 43 year old Ilena Rasmussen admitted that she drowned her roommate's pet jumping spider on in ginger ale at their home. And the pet jumping spider cost $70 the owner could not find it spider or the enclosure.

She faces misdemeanor animal cruelty and petty theft charges. A spider is an animal or is it an insect? I don't know.

How are you charged over that? Okay, so like what if it's a weird spider and you don't know if it's poisonous and you smush it and it's not someone's pet? But it's does that mean?

Is there a difference between an animal and an insect? Am I am I or does you or does the existence of you wanting to make it a pet completely change the equation? Right? Because I could retroactively like go and get lots of people. Oh my gosh, you kill this bug.

I loved it. My pet and like get somebody you know, I don't know. Right. Right. I don't know. I'm just saying. I just have a lot of questions about this. Like how far does this go? You know what I mean?

Like when when I'm with you like and also isn't it? It's an insect, right? Yeah. So so now if you smash a bug by accident or kill a bug, you can have animal cruelty charges? Apparently. Okay.

Yeah. This this checks out a Florida man threatens victims if they don't refill his Xanax prescription. According to an affidavit, he's behind bars, he threatened to burn down their home and kill them.

If they did not give him a refill, he would not be able to do that. You feel of Xanax Marion County, Leandro, super sad. Leandro, super sad. So Mr. and Mrs. Mr. Mrs. super sad son got it. He's super sad now. He was threatening his mom and his stepdad with whom he lives since then he was going to burn their house and kill them both.

If they don't give him his mom's Xanax supply. And so they call the police deputy arrived. They said they were terrified of him. And so anyway, he was taken into custody. He told his mom to hide my week and keep his money coming. And he said they were also he told his stepfather that they were quote finna die while I'm in prison. Yeah, that's literally a direct quote from me affidavit. I'm not making that up.

I swear to you. A Florida man spent six hours in a swamp trying to avoid arrest. He was not apparently he was more scared of the cops than he was the Gators. Not even can six hours in a swamp. Oh, they got him. Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office got him 34 year old touring right and an outstanding warrant. Six hours swam into hiding in the mangroves. I cannot believe he did not get gobbled up by a gator.

Sick with his third hour on the way. I agree with Annie Oakley who said, quote, I would like to see every woman know how to handle guns as naturally as they know how to handle babies. Now I myself regularly concealed carry nine millimeter. Now that said, not every woman is like me has had the hours of training that I've had or feels comfortable around firearms due to years of use or maybe they're by a gun free zone.

I'd like to change that what I can while encouraging self defense at the same time. So this is where Burna comes in. It's kind of like a starter weapon. It's they make a non firearm firearm. I like the idea of incredible force sending chemical irritants towards a threat as an additional option for women and the Burna SD model shoots chemical irritant projectiles 68 caliber rounds that can deter threats in their tracks up to 50 feet away.

I mean, it is hard, easy target acquisition, zero recoil. Burna is legal in all 50 states. There's no background checks, no permits required. It shipped directly to your door gun free isn't applicable to Burna. It's great for wherever guns are banned. Visit burna.com slash Dana for 10% off.

That's byrna.com slash Dana. But I can tell you one thing that I have not watched one bit of is the bread and circuses. 2024. Cue the horns please. We have a horn section. Bread and circuses.

2024. The Booplympics. And because and because they're being such a holes, we have to use a copyright free version of them. Yeah, we can't use the the actual bread and sir. I'm not even gonna say their crappy name anymore. We can't even use the official bread and circus song because the bread and circus people are so upset. They were so shamed after they had that chonky Smurf. They are so shamed.

I'm actually more impressed with this royalty free version. It's bread and circus 2024. We're domestic. Violence is now an Olympic sport brought to you by Ozempic and testosterone supplements. So a female boxer.

Did you guys hear about this story? A female boxer. She's Italian. She's an actual woman Angela Carini was facing off against an Algerian opponent named a man a main caliph.

And within 46 seconds, she threw her helmet onto the floor and yelled This is unjust. The 25 year old refused the handshake fell to the canvas sobbing and caliph had previously been banned from another major boxing contest before the Olympics. The IOC defended the decision to allow not one but two boxers who failed the gender eligibility tests at the 2023 World Championships to compete in Paris and main caliph of Algeria was one and Lin Yuting of a while they say Chinese Taipei because it's the only way that they can get Taiwanese I guess to participate.

We're disqualified from the World Championships. And the International Boxing Association Association president said at the time that the DNA test proved that they had XY chromosomes and thus were excluded. Now, the description of caliphs hitting and caliph looks like a dude. The description of caliphs hitting I mean, the Italian boxer Angela Carini is no chump. Like she can hold her own.

She's a badass. She said the force of the hit was unlike anything she's ever felt in her boxing career. And you could see it well off. You could see it immediately. And some of the people who were defending caliph were saying, Oh, this is just Carini being a sore loser. Because you know, she's outmatched. Oh, it's a dude XY chromosomes.

Now, some people are trying to argue that, well, caliph has, you know, female reproductive organs, but has XY chromosomes. I don't believe you. Have you like been there and seen it? Because I totally don't believe a single one of these people. I'm from the show me state in Missouri. That's the show me state.

Live in Texas now, but from the show me state. I'm just saying I don't believe it. Do you believe it? I don't believe it. I don't believe any one of these rap bastards.

I don't believe any of you people. No, yeah, they get away too much. We're just saying things that are true. So let's call them on it.

This woman has trained her entire life to get a gold medal in the Olympics. So yeah, I think stuff like that. You need a look.

And plus, like I said, caliph cane, as we were talking about on break. I mean, this dude failed previous gender tests. Yeah, that that Y chromosome is pesky. How do you fail a gender qualification? Like, here's my dong or here it's not, you know, I mean, how do you fail that? That's how the tests were back in the day.

Well, we didn't have all this technology. Have you seen I've not seen that confirmed. They're saying Oh, no, no, caliph is intersex, that she's not trained and we can't play the video for you as one reminds us because the bread and circuses 2024 the people who basically people who glorify a man beating on a woman for Olympic sport will get upset and they'll ding us for copyright violation on YouTube because they're a bunch of female copulatory organs, even though they allow people who don't have them to participate in women's sports. So they'll probably ding us for what we've shown on the screen already. We haven't played any audio. It's been Yeah, no, I know.

I don't feel like I'm in a good mood today. No, no, thank you. So cane. Yeah.

What have you heard about this dude being intersexed? I haven't seen anything that literally anything that Well, the thing is, I'm about trust, but verify. Right. That's all it is. Trust, trust, but verify. That's all we need to do.

So if I'm the Olympic committee, and I'm going as far as to take blood samples and all this other stuff, let's just do the easy thing. And just check it out. Yeah, show I just don't believe someone go no, it's I really have a vagina. I just don't believe you. I promise just don't look but just don't look. I don't believe you.

I don't believe you at all, especially when the other person is so totally dude. I could it's totally fair for me to smile. And yeah, how do you question I can totally fight her because I'm a her.

Yeah, I mean, come on. So they said that the I mean, and she's for people who say that she's a sore loser, she would beat you to a pulp. She absolutely would.

Angela Carini would beat you to death. So you can't sit here and say that she's some kind of chump or she's not an athlete. This woman has gotten this far you absolute pig. She's gotten that far. There's like so many of these like idiots on social media, like running her down because there's nothing that left us love more than seeing a woman get knocked around, especially leftist men and trans Tifa. But they're like losing it. I mean, this looks like a dude, because it's a dude. And again, I don't trust any of these people anymore.

Do you and I don't think any jury would convict us. What can you get a look on your face? She sounds hideous. Well, she's a guy so that's why he gets these looks where he's like, he's fair. I can tell him he has a thought and he's very satisfied with himself. Excuse me, it's ma'am.

It is ma'am. I mean, that's like the same thing, you know. So I don't know I this these are one of the reasons I just haven't been interested in watching bread and circus 20 the 2024 bread and circus. I just I haven't I felt so bad for this. I felt so bad for Carini. I felt so bad for her. Steve, you're like a sports dude. Are we being mean?

Be honest, because I just don't I don't trust any of these people anymore. And you have an XY chromosome. You got tons of like, dude chemicals in your body. You got tons of testosterone. Your muscle mass is different.

Your bone density is different. I just you know, I kind of need to see some stuff. You know what I mean? Isn't it isn't the whole thing about the Olympics to be fair?

I mean, they're not very fair or equal in any of this. Yes, you are correct, sir. You are correct, sir. It's why the 200 pound weight class doesn't fight the 135 pound weight class.

It's kind of the same thing. Yeah, I'm 235 pounds identify as a welterweight. No, that's not how it works.

No, that's not how it works, man. featherweight. I'm a featherweight. No, you're not a featherweight. You're 235. Oh, I identify as featherweight.

That's not how any of that works. The same thing. You got some beach ball size lady nuts on you coming in all kamikaze like that. See? I mean, and that's what we're talking about.

You can't have those beach ball size. You know what's going up into the ring and fighting a chick. I mean, it this is I don't know, I get you know what they need to replace one of the rings in their bread and circuses logo with just a black eye. A woman's black eye because that's you know what they're I can't stand these people.

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It's time for Dana's quick five. a lot of locations across Florida, Georgia and the Carolinas. It's an Orlando based entity. So hmm, the man died of fear. He died of fear from a freak wasp attack.

Oh my gosh, remind me Kane after break to tell you my cicada story. So this Ukrainian man literally had a heart attack after he was chased by wasps on a beach. In southern Ukraine, or no, sorry, southern Italy, according to local media, the 47 year old, he wasn't identified. He was an engineer. He's traveled Europe for work.

He was on a holiday in Calabria. And apparently he like he's allergic to being wasp stings and he starts running because he apparently got near I guess a wasp nest and some kind of vegetation and they went crazy and he was and they thought it was anaphylactic shock, but it wasn't. He like legit had he wouldn't even stung. He just scared himself to death. Can you imagine that?

Golly, that's horrible. cops is back the show. The best show ever. It's back and it's filming in Pierce County, Washington.

Oh, it's so cool. So kro channel seven says they have a that they've allowed them to film then they're gonna the crew the cops crew is gonna ride with the deputy for a couple of days in a row, decide what to keep what to air all of that. And they said that there's not an exchange of money. The department isn't liable for anything.

The heirs they got, you know, all that stuff. But that's kind of cool. I mean, you really see how like much garbage cops have to deal with. That's how I learned. I mean, I watched cops at was every Friday night. There's another Friday night was on it's like, oh, you hear the opening line from up 40. And you're like, oh, it's cops. And you got to come running in the living room. Because you know, you didn't have TiVo back then you couldn't pause.

Was it inner circle, not up 40. Yeah, you heard like the first you knew it. You're like, oh, it's cops. And you got to run in and watch it. So yay.

I can't wait when it I don't have an air day for you. Taco Bell's rolling out an AI drive thru. Are they going to remember to give me my mild sauce? Yeah, no, if I'm going to do hot sauce, I'm gonna do a different hot sauce.

I'm going to Taco Bell's hot sauce. I'm gonna do actual hot sauce. But like sometimes I just want some seasoning on it. Right. So I'll put that mild sauce on it because it has like, I like the spices in it. I'll have like a seasoning. But if I'm going to do hot sauce on it, no, I'm going to do like an actual adult hot sauce. We're not going to do none of that packet stuff.

Anyway, they got AI drive thru ordering in hundreds of locations by the end of the year. An American woman was found chained to a tree and left to die in the Indian jungle. She'd been there for 40 days. A local shepherd heard her shouts and saved her.

She was like entirely emaciated. Apparently her husband, her husband. Somebody find him and beat him with that chain. Stick with us.

We got a lot more in store and I'll tell you my cicada story. Vince's stick is talking about guns. I guarantee you, he can't shoot pheasants like I can. And that's a part of saying, but you know what, I guarantee I don't want weapons of war in classrooms.

And there's no reason that you can't have reasonable restrictions around that without infringing on your Second Amendment. Oh, I don't want to shoot pheasants like I can. What? That's the guy that said yesterday that one man's socialism is another man's neighborliness. He is a barely sentient turd, isn't he?

That's Tim Wohl's. He's acting like nobody can shoot pheasants like I can. That guy can't.

I have nothing nice to say. Did he say peasants? Did he say... Pheasants? Yeah, pheasants. Yeah, I'm sure he probably meant peasants. Pheasants was just, yeah, a verbal typo from him.

Welcome back, bottom of the second hour. Like, are you gonna have a pheasant off? Is that what you're gonna do? I don't want weapons of war in the classroom. I don't want weapons of war. What do you mean weapons of war, Fudd? What are you talking about? Anybody believes that Fudd actually shoots pheasants?

I got an idea. Let's see who can kill more birds. I mean, I can kill more birds than you. And if I can kill more birds than you, that means I know what weapons of war he is. Oh, my gosh, this guy. Tim Wohl's. I'm not going to stop making fun of him now forever.

He's on my radar. Yeah, he's, what did he say? What did he say yesterday? He said that one man's socialism is another man's neighborliness. I don't think he knows what socialism means.

Or neighborliness for that matter. I love how these people can just so go on TV and say words, random words. Don't know what the hell they mean, but words.

And no one calls them to account for any of it. So he got mad about, I don't know, he got mad about J.D. Vance about something with guns.

And then he started going off about, well, guess what, Fudd? There's no weapons of war in the classroom. By the way, I happen to notice that Tim Wohl's and other people, they celebrated Independence Day last month, right?

July 4, a holiday brought to you by free people with weapons of war, because this country was founded and freed with weapons of war. So I just want to be able to own whatever my government gives the Taliban. That's all I'm saying. I just want to be able, I feel, I feel like Sally from the Peanuts. I just want what is coming to me.

I just want to be able to own the same weapons that they give the cartels. That's all I'm saying. Can I tell you my cicadas story real quick, just as a palate cleanser?

Yeah, I definitely want to hear this. Okay, so my favorite sound in the world. No, it's not baby's laughter. It's cicadas. That's your favorite in the world?

Favorite in the world. Of all sounds of all the sounds, it's cicadas, because it makes me think of being out like rural Missouri in the summer, you know, in the creek, or sorry, sorry, Grandma and Grandpa, the creek, all that's what they said, no idea. But you know, cashing tadpoles and crawdads and you know, all that stuff and being out in the woods because I love being outside and I, you know, being out and riding, you know, my, so I had a mini three wheeler, sorry, wheeler ATV and I say warsh, say it again, warsh, so I have to check myself sometimes, three wheelers, you know, w-i-l-l-a-r-s, four wheelers, sounds weird to say it like that, ATVs. And just being out at dusk and you know, just fireflies, which I don't see anymore and just that's what it makes me think of. It makes me think of summer and it makes me think of being in the woods and it's just I love it. It's the most relaxing thing. It relaxes me more than like thunderstorms here and that and here in the rain, all that stupid stuff. I don't like seeing them though, the cicadas, because they are, they're terrifying.

No bug should be that big and they are terrified and terrifying. So normally I just because, you know, that all the cicadas are out right now and right in Texas, it's not as bad, like Kane, it's not as bad here as it wasn't like in Missouri and Illinois. Right. I agree with that. But we, and isn't it, aren't they here a little later than they were in Missouri and that too?

Yeah, just slightly only because I think it's just a weather thing. So I've been seeing them, you guys know, I got a rescue pup named Wick, right? And he's, he's a pup. He's a little over four months old and he's now going out without his leash and, you know, he's used to the yard and all that stuff.

And it was like the first morning that we went out without him having a leash. And in the morning when you go out, you know, you're bound to find a couple of these dead cicadas and they're weird. They're so weird. It looks like a prehistoric trick. It doesn't, it looks like a joke, like somebody put a prop on the ground for you to freak out over because it doesn't look like a real bug. It's just like, what's the point?

You know, like, why are you like this? So anyway, I saw one that was on the ground and I didn't want Wick to get it. So I was going to kick it out of the way, which I did. But that little jack wagon wasn't dead, not Wick, but the cicada. The cicada began screaming, I mean, I can't even be as loud as the cicada was. Not only did it lose its mind and was screaming its head off like some trans Tifa activist, but it flew right out my face and I was freaking out. Wick freaked out.

We were all freaking out. And then, and then somehow another one was right there losing its everlasting life. They're losing its ever loving mind with its little bug arms, legs, whatever, and freaking out and flew also at my face. And this is why I don't like things that can hop or fly at my face like that. You know, the bugs and the crickets. I hate crickets and spiders because bugs should not be able to jump that high.

It's messed up. Everything else I'm OK with. Snakes I can get, you know, I don't care.

But man alive. And I think I saw its eyes. It like was right in my, it was terrifying. And I'm like hitting it and and they're weird and they're just so anyway, it was like, I don't know, seven something the morning screaming my head off. Sure, my neighbors enjoyed it on a nice Saturday morning, just screaming my ever loving head off in my backyard another day at the last funny farm, you know, and because these stupid cicadas. And they were so loud, though, I don't know who was louder, the cicada or me. And we made kind of a similar sound. It was really weird. And Wick had no idea what was going on.

He was like, I thought this was a toy and it's not. And he just was terrified of them. Oh, but they're so gross. They're so gross. They're like jumbo Cheetos eyes that then they scream and they're grody looking. Why do we have them?

There's certain things. I'm like, why did God put you here? Like mosquitoes.

Why? Like flies. What do they do?

Cicadas. Why are you here? You're, you know, Green Day. It's like, why?

So I don't know. But that that's my cicada story. That last one. I don't know why Green Day is around. I mean, I like the sound of the cicadas screaming more than I like them, but, you know. Yeah.

So that's anyway. That's maybe maybe Tim Walz can come down here and do some cicada hunting. We're waving some war on a class. Because what is he even on about? Is he like trying to run for is he trying to kiss Kamala Harris's butt so he can be a VP contender? Because he legit looks like Elmer. He looks like Fudd. He looks like Elmer Fudd. He does. I mean, Redditor is out there. I don't know how you don't put an orange hat on every single thing that is put that everything he puts out.

I don't know how he doesn't even have like a transpose orange hat. Very quiet. Oh, my God. We're all in sentence with weapons of war. My gosh, this guy's so goofball-y.

So I don't I don't know. I I am entertained by him greatly. He's but I think he would be he's like nobody really heard from him, Tim Walz. And then all of a sudden he's like, right there, he's me, Tim Walz. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.