Absurd Truth: Based Behavior

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. A nice Florida Man story.

Two Florida women drove, they, well, they were attempting to drive from Jacksonville 500 miles down the coast of Florida to earn the Guinness World Record for longest distance by toy cars. That's a thing that people do. Okay. All right. I mean, do you have real tires on it? It doesn't say.

The piece doesn't say. I would imagine the little plastic tires aren't going to hold up. Just saying. A Florida Man used a cardboard box to hide his face while breaking into a Port Orange business, say deputies. Yes, this Florida Man tried to conceal his identity with a cardboard box over his head. He was stealing all kinds of stuff.

And he, in these multiple businesses. Detectives reviewed it. They reviewed the footage and then they saw him literally go out to the dumpster, get on his bicycle and take the box off his head and then try to pedal away. Which goes into my theory that you don't see kids on bicycles anymore.

It's just crackheads. And they found the box that he used discarded in the alley outside the business. They did catch him. And he was arrested, Alan Goudreau, for burglar of an unoccupied structure, criminal mischief and petty theft.

Cardboard box doesn't do anything when you take it off in full view of the CCTV. Okay. Stick with us.

We got we got more in store. Alex, can you please say free Palestine one time? Why did you kill that lady? You kill that lady and got no jail time. No jail time, Alec. No jail time, Alec.

You're putting innocent people in jail, Alec Baldwin. Free Palestine, Alec. Just one time and I'll leave you alone. I'll leave you alone.

I swear. Just say free Palestine one time. One time. One time. One time, Alec. You know he's a criminal.

You know he's a f***ing criminal. Come on, Alec. Just say free Palestine one time. One time. Just one time, please.

And I'll leave you alone. Free Palestine. F*** Israel.

F*** Zionism. Please say it. One time. Then there, oh, there it is. That was, uh, so Cain and I were kind of joking about this. That was, uh, this Alec Baldwin was in some bakery in Manhattan getting coffee or whatever. I don't know what he's doing. I don't care.

He's not in jail. And, uh, this broad decides, you know what I mean? It was funny, but also at the same time, let them eat each other. I don't care. I don't care. Cain and I were having a conversation about this. We're like, yeah, two dumbs.

Usually don't make a right, but it is entertaining. And I'm okay with that. Welcome back to the show. Dana Lash with you. We're at the bottom of this first hour.

I'm okay with that. I don't know if y'all, there was community notes on this because this chick had said, Oh my gosh, white devil Alec Baldwin assaulted me because, because I said he was a murderer or something like that. And the community note was something to the effect of, well, he has not been, he's not been convicted yet.

And there's no evidence that he's actually a white devil. But this woman is a bee and very annoying. And it was, it's comical. They were getting the, the, the community notes were getting spicy yesterday, but it is just let them eat each other.

Let them eat themselves. Can I just get an event or what? What? A free what?

A fictional place? How about free Atlantis? How about that? Same, same effect, right?

Good grief. Except Atlantis now is a resort on the Bahamas. So if you're gonna, they could have a resort on the Bahamas. They could have a resort in Gaza, but they're too busy digging tunnels and blowing people up and shooting rockets off elementary school roofs.

Speaking of Gaza, I, guys, I got to tell you, I'm at a loss of words where it concerns one John Futterman. And we've given him a hoodie pass. And is he going for the Umbro pass for life?

I don't know. Everybody knows what Umbros are, right? Does anyone not know what Umbros are?

I'm looking specifically at our millennials and our older Gen Z-ers. Everybody knows what Umbros are, right? He does not know what Umbros are.

No. Okay, first up before we continue on this, because it's, it's referenced a lot. Umbros is the short uniform of choice for all high school athletes in the 90s. Girls and guys come in all colors. And they were so useful, Cain, were they not? You had all different types of the Umbros.

All different types. You wore them for soccer practice. You wore them for track. You wore, I mean, for everything.

Softball. Everybody wore Umbros. You wore them in gym class.

You wore them on the weekends when you went bike riding your friend's house, Cain, right? You had Umbros? I had Umbros. Several pairs when I was a kid. Yeah, like everybody had Umbros.

It was the thing that everybody had. Steve, you know what Umbros are? Oh, my gosh. Sometimes I love them so much. It's like working with Martians.

It's my, since I love it. They're like, what? I'm gonna buy them rotary phones for Christmas. Oh, man. Or the clear phones where you can see all the guts and it has the long cord. Man, those are the jam. That's when you know you arrived as a teen. Did you have a clear phone where all the guts inside were neon colored? What's in there too?

Yeah, lit up when it rang. So great. Everybody had Umbros. Now, I don't think he wears Umbros because these are quite long. And I think they're most mostly of a jersey knit material. We'd call that sweat, you know, like a sweat material sweatshirt, sweatshort. But no, no, no, now you gotta say it's a jersey knit material. You got to make the fabric sound way fancier than it is.

Because you know, inflation, right? So you got a $5 upcharge for a damn pair of sweatshorts. No, no, no, it's not a sweatshort.

It's a jersey knit material. See, that's how you do it. I just sold you into paying $5 extra for sweatshorts.

So I think he's going for like the perpetual Umbro pass now. So he, I can't read how this is written on my audio list, sadly. But audio soundbite five, if you please. It's completely reasonable to want a ceasefire, or to have a different view on that. Absolutely. That's a democracy. But it is not appropriate, or legal, or it's helpful to advance your argument. If you show up in a Starbucks with a bullhorn and start yelling at people, and that doesn't make you noble, it just makes you a asshole. It's very American to protest and to do that in the appropriate way, then I absolutely support that. I'm not suggesting that you have to agree with my view.

But it's just saying it doesn't really allow you to disrupt lives and to inflict those kinds of damages on people that are just trying to get on with their lives. Wow. Wow. I really wish that I could use that as a band name. The Noble Blinkhole.

So great. He's not wrong. He's like, if you're taking a bullhorn into a Starbucks that just, first off, how do you make an annoying place more annoying? You take a bullhorn into it. And you start screaming about freeing a fictional place that isn't actually not free, right?

That's how you make a place more annoying. He's not wrong. Where's his wife at? I love the fact that we don't know.

Where's she at? It's like when she's not there, he's on fire. What is up with that?

I don't know. I don't want to be mean to him. I have a friend who's like, stop celebrating every damn thing that John Futterman says. He's a Democrat. He's still stupid on everything else. Hold up, hold up.

We live in weird times. I will take allies on certain issues where I can get them. I'm okay with that. I am okay with walking us back to a ground of normalcy by giving back pats for things that someone may do that the rest of their party doesn't do. And the rest of their party makes it difficult for someone to do that. I bet he's not invited to sit at the cool kids table in the Senate lunchroom anymore. I mean, I'm sure they do that because they're all petty little Democrats.

I'm sure they do that. We got to send him. Yeah, first off, we got to get those, Cain. Cain goes, we need to send him a Dana show hoodie. He would never wear it, but maybe he would. I don't care. But I just feel he's got the hoodie pass. Now it's like he's he's going for the Umbro pass.

Do you know what's going to happen? Have you ever seen that meme where it's Vince McMahon and it's a three panel thing and he makes a happy face and then he's real excited and then his head blows up for the third panel? Like if Federman were to come out and be like, yeah, everybody needs to leave the Second Amendment alone. I would be the third panel Vince McMahon. My head would explode.

I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I don't I don't know. I don't know. How would how would I deal with that? I'm not quite sure.

He just needs to I think to stay on this line to stay on this stay on this path. It's at least he's saying it and he's and he's right. Why are people afraid to say that? Why are people afraid to say that?

Like you're just a jack wagon if you're going into these private businesses and you're doing this stuff if you're blocking roads. Our partners who help bring you free radio, the folks over at Caltech, you've heard me talk for months now about the Caltech Sub 2K. Nothing's changed. It's still brand. It's they came out with it earlier this year.

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And I mean, that's the this Sub 2K is one of the cooler things that they make, you got to check it out to learn more about it visit Caltech. weapons.com K e l t e c weapons.com tell them Dana sent you. And now all of the news you would probably miss it's time for Dana's quick five. This makes me sad because I don't want to see two bras suing each other.

You know what I'm saying? And I like I don't dislike either of them. David Beckham is apparently suing Mark Wahlberg after a fitness brand deal soured and it left him a few million out of pocket. His firm DB ventures limited is claiming that somehow that he was duped into working with f 45. That's Mark Wahlberg like he's got investments in that gym. And he's also suing the actors firm the Wahlberg investment group and group and the gym group f 45 founders as well. He says he lost 8.5 million when stocks he was promised were withheld until after shares.

The share prices plummeted. So they Wahlberg and his co defendants are saying that it's fraud the fraudulent conduct or faceless. They're asking to have the suit dismissed. Why like it's a little sad. Stop fighting. It's like watching your brother's fight and you don't know who's side to get on. Stop it.

I mean, I like Mark Wahlberg has you know, come on, he's cool. But this still sad. America's fight to save handwriting from extinction because people are getting dumber. And teachers are warning that some 20 year olds can't even sign checks anymore. But can I be honest with you? After seeing the way some of them vote, I'm actually in favor of not teaching them to write.

And in fact, I would be in favor of not teaching them to read and then duping them into signing their voting rights away. I'm just not above any of this. I'm just gonna be honest with you right now. It's too bad. It's not it's not my fault that they're stupid.

It's not my fault. You know, this is what happens if you don't get taught handwriting in school. I mean, I can't even read half of these people. It's like did you write with your feet? Have you seen the way some of them write? I can't even read it. I think chickens write cleaner.

And and they stay on the line better. But state state several states just to tell you what's up. Several states are trying to prevent handwriting from going instinct because everybody's been using tablets and computers.

And the robots are going to laugh at us because we're not going to be able to communicate with each other because we're going to have typed everything and we're going to live in this wall-e universe where we're all fat and we're all in these inflatable floaty chairs and basically incinerated for food because there's no other way that we can get our protein on that giant ship. You didn't expect it to go there, did you? But it did. Let's see here.

A pensioner was stabbed in front of a San Francisco church in broad daylight. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Avatar story for San Francisco. And the lipstick effect. So there's this stupid measure that people are using saying that experts allege that a surge in makeup purchases is a signal of bad times for the economy to come, because women will buy lipsticks and other things as a way to indulge in affordable luxury. And I just think that maybe some women just want to buy some damn lipstick, and some of y'all need to stop reading so much into it. What about buying gold and ammo? What does that portend for the, you know, what's that forecast?

And people who use aspirin daily are at a lower risk of colon cancer, studies suggest. We have a lot more on the way. Stick with us. This is the headline.

That is New York Post. Illegal immigrants, because I don't use the term migrants. Migrants, that's if you're coming, if I were to go to another country legally, you can call me a migrant. If I were to enter another country illegally, I would be an illegal alien in that country.

Same applies here. Illegal immigrants shipped to Martha's Vineyard by Governor Ron DeSantis are given crime, are given crime victim visas. Cain, what is a crime victim visa? My first initial thought?

I thought it has something to do with, like, the asylum seekers. I'm a crime victim. I just had the government steal a whole hell lot of my money last week. I am a victim of crime. We're all victims. We're all victims of crime.

Where's my crime victim visa? That's a good point. But I would imagine, isn't this the asylum? Is this what they're trying to do? Like, hand up?

It's a U visa? So weird. So they got convinced that they were duped into boarding charter flights, even though they were told where they were going. And now they're going to be like, well, we weren't told. Yes, you were. Shut up.

You know what? You go where we tell you to go. You come in illegally, just be happy that we're not, you know, I mean, there's crazier things that could be done. Oh, you got sent to Martha's Vineyard. Oh, tears. You got sent to a super rich liberal enclave.

Oh, I'm crying for you. They said they were duped into boarding these charter flights. They even got on a charter flight. I bet they could take bigger. Now, I bet they could take bigger items and 3.4 ounces of liquid.

How much you want that city? So they got sent with false promises of jobs and housing. Well, it's the government. They lied to you. Wow. Welcome to America. Morons.

It's what they do to us every day. Oh, yeah, your Social Security, you're going to have it. It's broke. It's empty. We don't got nothing.

Don't tell them that you're going to do something. It's totally broke. We don't got anything in there.

We spend it all on studying lesbian obesity and shrimp on treadmills. We don't know what the hell we got. So they were lied to. They're like, the government lied to us.

Get in line. At least three of the 49 illegal immigrants involved in the flight operation, they received bona fide determinations for their U visas applications. Wait, you can apply for that. But you couldn't like, I don't know, enter the country legally. They said that they can't. They got these U visas. They can't be deported while they wait for the visa to come through. And they're called basically crime victim visas. So you get rewarded for breaking the law. Wait, you broke the law.

How are you a crime victim? You broke it. Oh, they're super excited. The lefties are super excited. Oh, it backfired. The migrant flight stunt, even though Joe Biden was doing it long before any Republican governor was.

But they said that these and they're all from Venezuela. And they get the crime victim visa or the U visa and it can lead to permanent lawful status in the United States. Cain does not like that outcome.

Nobody would like that. It's a victim visa and it's designed for victims of certain crimes who have suffered mental or physical abuse and are blah, blah, blah, helpful to law enforcement, whatever. I don't know. What? But you broke the law. You're not a victim of a crime. You did the crime. I'm a victim of your crime. Where's my victim visa? I want a victim something. Where do I get? Where's mine? Where's yours, Cain? We've been all victimized.

Crime victim visa, U visa. So that's, but now it's interesting in that they're claiming that somehow they were falsely manipulated into getting on these flights because DeSantis did it, but never because Biden's done this. They've had planes leaving Jacksonville, Florida at like 2 a.m. There's video of it. There were local reports of it and the White House got super mad when they were asked about it. They still are doing it. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.