Absurd Truth: Tomboy TikTok

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Why do we got to start with this nastiness? Now, so I'm a little bit of a hypochondriac, a little bit. I'm less so after the pandemic, interestingly enough, but I read something like this and I, you know, a Florida man complaining of migraines.

Apparently there was a reason and it wasn't because, you know, he's dehydrated or had like a nerve issue or anything like that. He, it all started because he ate a little undercooked bacon. Now I'm like, wait, how do you eat? This is why you should almost burn it. I want, I want it. I want to snap it.

I want it to have the texture and consistency of a credit card. And if bacon does not have that, no, we don't do medium rare with bacon. And here's why. This guy got a bizarre tapeworm infestation in his brain because he ate undercooked bacon. 52 year old Florida man.

He had severe migraines and they did a scan on him and they found that he had neurociderous worms in the brain and you could see it. And they said it's proven this stuff is preventable and it's nasty and the AI images are really gross. Y'all ever wondered what a 500 foot roll of inch and a quarter pecs looks like. And you want to know how fun it is to unroll this mess.

It's not very, especially when it's, you know, a hundred freaking degrees out here in South Alabama, but at least the heat will help it straighten out. Appreciate y'all. So I don't even know, I don't even know who this chick is. Her name is Hannah and she just, she's Hannah Barron. She's, you know, on TikTok and she's helping to build a house, her house, her own house on TikTok. She doesn't have a Twitter account and you know, she's just, you know, she's a hard worker. She's pretty.

She's, you know, she's young. She has a shirt that has a rifle on it in one of the videos, so I know she supports 2A. And for some reason, some of these like fake, they call themselves like trad right. I think that they're fake accounts that are manufactured. It's a psyop to divide the right. I really do believe this. And then one of the things that went viral was some chick from Lebanon who apparently cosplays as an American conservative.

I don't know. And I'm not going to make her famous, but she went off on this Hannah chick and American women. She said, quote, this accent needs to be illegal and women should be banned from doing manual labor like this. There is nothing feminine about American women.

American women are literally men. So I took a look at this lady's Twitter account, the lady who was criticizing Hannah. And she's one of those who like her eyebrows are gradients. You know, she does the contouring and she wears so much makeup that she looks kind of like a lunchtime drag queen. And I had said on Twitter, I wrote, I'm not listening to engagement criticism about southern women's accents from any female who wears enough pancake makeup to run her own printing press with just her face and a stack of clean pillowcases.

Which is true. If I have to do a neck check on you girl, then you don't need to be talking about anybody else's femininity. There is too much.

My grandmother always said, and I know that this is a statement, a quote that she didn't make up, but she just repeated it. Makeup should be a secret between a woman and her mirror. She shouldn't be an entire palette from Sephora. She didn't add the Sephora part I did. I mean, we should not know that you did a gradient on your eyebrows, right?

You should not be wearing so much rouge on your cheeks that I can probably do like a sample of it, take it to Sephora and they could paint match it like they could at Home Depot. Shouldn't have to do that. And for anyone who has never heard southern women speak, especially if you're from southern Alabama, that's how southern Alabama people speak and there's nothing wrong with it. I mean, I'm sorry that you don't look like you have enough arm muscles to like even butter toast, but you know, that doesn't mean that a woman who can help build her own house is somehow unfeminine. I want to know who these jack wagons are that they think that they have the patent on defining who is or who is not feminine. Because I will tell you one thing that I see all these other engagement clout chasers who are running down this Hannah Barron, one thing that they lack that she doesn't and it is a very important qualification for ladies and femininity. And that is class. I just I found that absolutely fascinating that whole thing.

And I just it amazes me that that became like a huge debate over the weekend and the last week in this weekend. And why are we taking I'm sorry, a foreigner, a foreign woman's who not I don't even think as a citizen probably can't even vote here. Your opinion on American women? Let's see. I don't have to ask my husband for permission to own a firearm. I don't have to I don't have to cover up the beauty that God created on me. I don't have to do any of that stuff.

So I think maybe you know, do or do a self check along with a neck check. Peltech the sub 2k. If you don't have yours yet, you should go out and get it.

They came out with a whole bunch of really cool stuff the past year. And the sub 2k, this is the Gen 3. So maybe some of you were like me and you already have the sub 2k.

Well, you don't have this one. Because if you're unfamiliar with it, it's a nine millimeter carbine, it folds entirely in half. Now previously, you would have to take off your optics, you don't have to any more. That's one of the upgrades with the Gen 3. You don't have to detach your optics to fold it in half. The simple twist and fold motion of the rotating forend, it's patent pending.

You can twist it in either direction, it folds the Gen 3 right in half and just as quickly and easily deploys it too. But they've continued to fine tune this innovative and reliable platform. So they have some other simple upgrades as well that kind of push it over the top. The upgraded aluminum trigger redesign mechanic, you got a lightened five pound pool.

You also have upgraded action. There's even a new chamber indicator as well. And of course, made in America family owned Caltech values at their best.

To learn more about this sub 2k and it looks like sub 2000 sub 2k Gen 3 visit CaltechWeapons.com. That's K E L T E C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. All right, so apparently the buy now pay later. It's NBC says it's going from niche to normal, because everybody's broke. And apparently younger people are using it for daily essentials. We're talking about baby millennials and Gen Z-ers. Apparently, like groceries, everything from groceries to lawn furniture, everything, consumers. Actually, they say 35 and under, but I saw another thing that said 30 and under. Comprised 53% of buy now pay later users.

I know and just 35% of traditional credit card. You were layaway. Dude, my mom was like, yeah, she liked layaway. I never is layaway still a thing. I think some places still do it. I was one of that.

Like I just now I was thinking of that when I was. They said apparel and accessories are the most popular product category. So basically stuff you can't afford. If you don't got the cash to buy it, then don't buy it.

And then don't complain that you don't got no money. I mean, we're talking about look, apparel and accessories. Come on, y'all. Come on, y'all.

Let's be real. Apparently, this was just Madonna. So cringe. She like 90,000 years old. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being an older performer, but she just like she's like falling around on stage. She's Joe Biden and everything up. She tried to shame a fan for not standing at her concert. But then to her horror, she realized the fan was in a wheelchair and actually couldn't physically stand.

I know that's what happens when you get high on your own farts. You just you do stuff like this. That's just that's so cringe. I want to cringe right out of this chair. It's that bad. Oh, my gosh.

That's so bad. I don't even know what. This is the thing. A de-extinction company is claiming a stem cell breakthrough could produce a new pseudo mammoth species. OK, let's stop at the pseudo part, because pseudo mammoth, it could be like predator mammoth or alien mammoth or something that's going to kill us. Mammoth.

Any one of those things. But they said that colossal biosciences. They have some plans. They're doing the development of pluri potential stem cells. And they're trying to make and they're calling it a pseudo mammoth.

It's either a mammoth or it's not. That's not like it's like saying pseudo human, right? I don't know. That's just kind of scares me a little bit.

I don't like pseudo anything. Also, let's see. Ohio women were charged. This is from Vegas, Larry. Ohio women were charged with driving their roommates dead body to a bank to withdraw money. NBC says that the two suspects were propping up a dude's dead body weekend at Bernie's style to go and withdraw the cash. Fifty five year old woman, a 63 year old woman and the body of an 80 year old dude. And they didn't identify him till later.

But yeah, they got some money, but they ended up getting caught. Good heavens. Stay with us. A lot more on the way.

The days of the United States. No, it's worth it. Performing the I'm just Ken. This is literally the only part of the Oscars that I watched.

Because as I said, I only did it to watch him perform because the broad brigade, they were all butt hurt over him getting an Oscar nomination for best supporting actor. And all the chicks had been left hanging out of the Barbie movies. And dude, Slash came out.

Not just Slash, but Wolfgang Van Halen came out and they soloed. Yeah, I didn't watch it really at all before. And I definitely didn't watch it after. But yeah, they I had to watch it because I mean, that that was actually I know I did not have Slash and Barbie in the same reality on my bingo card for this year. But right there it is. I mean, he literally came out. Slash came out in solar. And then all of a sudden there's Wolfgang Wolfgang Van Halen.

And I think they should have invented a best Oscars live performance category and then given them a little gold man. So I now you know what, I had to watch the Barbie movie. I literally did not finish it. Because you know, sometimes that's part of the job, right? Part of the job because everybody's talking about it.

Everybody. I mean that there was so much stuff raging chlamydia like all over social media. Everyone was so outraged over Barbie. So I literally could not make it through the film.

And I'm using literally correctly just out of three times. So I glossed over it on air. But the Barbie movie we can take that audio out the Barbie movie. The writing was so bad Greta Gerwig's writing I thought and direction was so bad. It they didn't know if they made a feminist statement or not.

That's how bad this was. I mean, she was so confused as hell to write a girl power yay manifesto script that she looked deuced all over her own third wave premise. And made Ken and all of the other Ken's actually look like the good guy see because we're not supposed to talk about how third wave ironically took a benign male avatar created as a supporting role for a girl's toy and role playing and spitefully reduce them to a second class citizen in a movie that was supposed to build women up by tearing men down. There's the irony in it.

So you can see why they were all angry that Ryan Gosling got a nomination and not all the copy paste repeat feminist characters in their movie. So I just thought that was kind of interesting. It's the only reason I watched it and then I was rewarded for that because slash came out on stage. So that was actually kind of cool. Thanks, dudes for making it a little bit enjoyable for a second there. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.