Absurd Truth: Elderly Man With A Poor Memory

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Okay, so if Florida Man has racked up over $31,000 in charges on his company card, purchasing scratch off tickets, like of all the things that you're gonna do, you're gonna, I mean, I'm not, you shouldn't steal your company card in the first place. But I'm just gonna say if you're gonna take your company card, and then you're gonna go for scratch off tickets, that's in $31,000 of them.

But that's what Warren Johnson did. Clearwater Florida Man, he was arrested $31,000 worth of scratch off lottery tickets on the company credit card. And an affidavit found that the owner of the company discovered that one of their credit cards had pretty, had a lot of money on it worth fraudulent charges going all the way back to September. So apparently, he was doing this for half a year before he was caught. That's a lot. That's a lot.

And I think maybe they need to run better books, too. I'm just gonna say. Alright, so this Florida Man, if you're gonna steal a plane, you better know how to fly it. L.A. Times says a Florida Man stole a plane in California, crash landed it on a nearby beach and just walked off. Well, he crash landed it, but it didn't like break up the plane it just while Juan's got the photo.

Literally the nose was right in the sand. He stole a plane in Palo Alto, and then put it down on a beach in Half Moon Bay. And the 50 year old Miami native, Luis Arez is accused of committing grand theft arrow at about 5pm.

He took to the skies touchdown 25 miles away. And apparently, one of the officers says I've been doing this for a long time. And this is a first to have someone who I mean, I don't know, did he think he was playing grand theft auto like in person or like with a plane like in person? I don't know.

Let's see. This is CBS 12. A man's pet kangaroo, which I didn't even know you could actually keep his actually can that's kind of the thing. A pet kangaroo was trapped in a pool area. Of a Florida apartment complex. So CBS channel 12 in Tampa says that a kangaroo got into trouble in Tampa. It made its way to an apartment complex pool. Hillsborough County Sheriff's authorities were called regarding a kangaroo on the loose. And they released audio and some video as well.

They put it up on his Facebook page. And the dispatcher goes 911 do you need police fire medical and 911 goes, I guess police there's a kangaroo in my apartment. So they said that they got the HSCO or HCSO sorry, agricultural unit, they reunited the kangaroo with its owner.

So he did have proper registration papers and could prove ownership. If he didn't, though, I guess that would have been you know, he would have it would have been in trouble. But I mean, I didn't even know you could that probably kangaroo was like bored.

Like I feel bad for it. Yeah, he's is it a is it a baby though? A Joey? He's just chillin. He's hopping around. He looks fun. I want to pet him carry him around like we could be friends.

He looks a little bigger than Joey. Whenever I see animals. I'm like, I get the Snow White complex. Like I can go talk to them and like butterflies and hummingbirds will land on my hands and stuff like that. You know, I just get this like major Snow White complex. In fact, whenever anybody's animals like me, I feel like Snow White. And then I hear I hear a choir go Oh, and then the sun like sun's rays come out.

And then all the animals come and talk to me. That's what it feels like. You guys know he doesn't exactly what I'm talking about. Let's see. This is that two brothers were arrested. Two Florida dudes were arrested. They robbed a seven year old child on a Broward County transit bus.

It occurred actually very end of last month. It was a city bus. And the two brothers Danelle Osear and Darnellenson Osear allegedly stole a cell phone from the child a seven year old while on the bus. And then they ran away on foot officers pursued on foot. They quickly located them and while detained, they conducted a live lineup, live lineup, the victim of witness positively identified them. And so the officers noted that the brothers, they didn't use weapons, they used physical force to take the child phone.

And they were arrested and transported to Broward County, Maine jail, a seven year old with a phone. But you don't steal it just because you know, maybe you don't approve of it, or you want it for yourself. Don't steal.

Like go out and get a jobby job and, you know, kind of kind of do it yourself there. That's, I don't know. Let's see here. I'm not reading this one. This one. This is like a security one. No, I don't want to read that one. That's boring. And it gets to too technical.

Oh, here's the one I want. So you guys know combos. I love the combo snacks, right? A Florida man is suing the combos people, the people who make the the snacks, because they were saying that they didn't have enough cheese in them. Yeah, a Florida man sued combos. Because they said saying that they I don't I mean, I don't know how much money you're gonna get. It's a class action suit.

A Florida man's demanded a trial. He says that the they don't have enough cheese. And apparently he says the filling was made with real cheese. And, and it says natural flavors. Real cheese doesn't have natural flavors.

Because cheese naturally is flavored like cheese. And so they're literally like going to court over it a class action suit. Something special counsel said in his report is that one of the reasons you were not charged is because in his description, you are a well meaning elderly man with a poor memory. I'm well meaning I'm an elderly man and I know what the hell I'm doing. I've been president, I put this country back on his feet.

I don't need his recommendation. How bad is your memory? And can you continue as president? My memory is so bad. I let you speak. That's that's your memory has gotten worse. My memory is not good. My memory is fine. My memory. Take a look at what I've done since I've become president. None of you thought I could pass any of the things I got passed. How'd that happen?

You know, I guess I just forgot what was going on. Mr. President, Mr. President. Voters have concerns about your age. How are you going to sway something? Do you fear that this report is only going to fuel further concerns about your age?

Only by some of you. I mean, I don't know what the hell I signed up for last night. But I'm like, you know what I'm gonna have like, it was one of those rare evenings where I didn't have a whole lot going on. And I'm like, you know, I got some projects I got to do.

I got, you know, I got some I got some stuff going on. I you know, I'll maybe I'll get you know, maybe I'll get some stuff for you know, to make a start playing on my Easter dinner. Maybe I'll start doing that start playing on my Easter dinner, right? Or maybe, you know, maybe I'll play a little Warhammer. I don't know. Or maybe, maybe I'll crochet something.

It's my old lady hobby. No, no, because the President decided to add a speech to his schedule. It wasn't on there previously. He decided to add this speech. And I was doing all I was getting my stuff ready. And I was checking out Tucker's Putin interview, which we're gonna talk about.

But I was checking that out. And then and then Biden was like, I'm gonna do my speech now. And he I don't know what I expected. Do people want? I think they hate him. I think they hate him. And I think they want him to lose. I that's the only reason I can see as to why.

You would let that guy go out and do what he did. Welcome to the show. It's Friday. We made it to Friday.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dana lash here with you a lot to hit. You can listen coast to coast all that good stuff. You can also stream Thank you. It's Friday stream the radio program. And you can also watch the simulcast of the radio program as well. If you check it out on channel 347.

If you look at DirecTV, that's what it is. On YouTube, Facebook, always good discussion over at YouTube as well. But I'm you know, I was excuse me, I'm still under the I'm still recovering from the plague.

It takes your girl a little bit. And so, you know, I'm looking at this. I was I was going over all the clips of his speech. I don't even know where we're gonna start because I feel like you guys because you guys that you were like tucking your kids into bed last night. Y'all were getting your your clothes ready for your work day today. Y'all were packing your lunches. So you didn't watch this stuff because you guys were packing your lunch. So you didn't watch this stuff because you guys were packing your lunches. So you didn't watch this stuff because you guys were packing your lunches. So you didn't watch this stuff because you guys were packing your lunches. So you didn't watch this stuff because you got to work right?

This is my job. So can I can I also wait a minute where's this at? Where's this at? Where's the one he threw his whole staff under the bus?

You heard his his back and forth with Ducey there just a minute. I just a second ago. Oh my gosh, this is so bad.

Can we please play audio soundbait? Yeah, seven thank you. I take responsibility for not having seen exactly what my staff was doing, as it goes in and points out, things that appeared in my garage, things that came out of my home, things that were moved, were moved not by me, but my staff, but my staff. This is the question I had asked on social media last night, because I was stunned. So the giant A-double snakes tower of boxes in the corner of his garage next to his Corvette, he didn't notice? He didn't ask? That's my question. He didn't notice any of these things?

He didn't ask about any of this stuff? That's my question. I don't get it.

It doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, people know what's in their garages. My garage is kind of a hot mess, but I know what's in there. I can tell you every little thing that's in there, every little bitty bit thing. But that's me because I know what's going on in my life. You know what I'm saying?

Like this was nuts. So he blames his staff. He blames his staff. Can we do the flashback?

Audio soundbite one. This was when he was raging on Trump with the classified docs at Mar-a-Lago, listen. You saw the photograph of the top secret documents laid out on the floor at Mar-a-Lago.

What did you think to yourself looking at that image? How that could possibly happen. How anyone could be that irresponsible. And I thought what data was in there that may compromise sources and methods.

By that, I mean names of people who helped Thursday, etc. And it's just totally irresponsible. Do we want to play seven again? Just to, just to compare again, I mean, we just played, but I mean, it's a night and day difference. Just hit it again, Juan. Just go ahead and play the hit again. I seem careless with classified material. I take responsibility for not having seen exactly what my staff was doing.

As it goes in and points out, things that appeared in my garage, things that came out of my home, things that were moved, were moved not by me, but my staff, but my staff. See, it wasn't moved by him, it was moved by his staff. So the classified document probe, what he went and spoke about is that the guy who controls the nuclear codes was found to have mishandled classified info. But the Department of Justice isn't going to pursue it because they literally say he's not competent to stand trial. So this is what special counsel wrote, quote, we have also considered that at trial, Mr. Biden would likely present himself to a jury as he did during our interview of him as a sympathetic, well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory, based on our direct interactions with him and observations of him. He is someone for whom many jurors will still want to identify reasonable doubt, it would be difficult to convince a jury they should convict him, by then a former president well into his 80s of a serious felony that requires a mental state of willfulness. So Poteidos doesn't have any like state of willfulness.

He's just an empty basket, so to speak. They actually don't believe that he is competent enough to stand trial. That's why they're not pursuing this. Oh, my gosh, but it gets worse. Oh, it gets worse. Audio Soundbite 8, I want you guys to see if you can spot what's wrong with a statement.

Go ahead. The conduct of the response in Gaza, in the Gaza Strip has been over the top. I think that as you know, initially the president of Mexico, Sisi, did not want to open up the gate to allow humanitarian material to get in. I talked to him, I convinced him to open the gate.

I talked to Bibi to open the gate on the Israeli side. So Biden went to Mexico to tell Egypt's president to open the gate. I'm not kidding, because Sisi is the head of Egypt, not of Mexico.

If you get the newsletter in the morning, if you're the subscriber that gets the prep that I send out in the morning, thank me for not overloading you with memes, because I just briefly considered making the whole thing memes about this. His geography, according to Joe Biden, is that Mexico is right there under Gaza and right by Israel. So he went and asked Egypt's president to open up, open it up down there in Mexico. He was talking, that's what he did.

That was last night. If you're trying to go out and make the case that you're not an elderly geezer who's losing his mind, that wasn't the best way to do it. And then it made me wonder, are they doing it on purpose? Are they sending him out on purpose so that they can make the case to take him out? Because they would love to push Gavin Newsom in there. Are they trying to make the case to force him to step down? It's like they let him go out there or made him go out there, and then they're doing this to force him to step down. I mean, I really don't know what else to say about it. I really, I don't know.

I mean, the Babylon Bee had a headline that says Biden calls for the president to step down. I feel like we're moments away from that. This is crazy. Our partners for this portion of our program, it's our friends over at Keltech, the Sub 2K Gen 3, awesome firearm.

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That's K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick 5. So apparently, there's Fat Thursday. Fat Thursday is the Thursday before Ash Wednesday in February. So that would have been yesterday.

So that was yesterday. I never knew it existed. I knew Fat Tuesday, but Fat Thursday? It's known as, oh, I can't even say this, but it looks funny.

Plusty Swartek in Poland? That sounds right. Yeah, that sounds totally right. And they eat a donut filled with rose hip jam and dusted with powdered sugar.

That sounds lovely. So I never knew that there was like a Fat Thursday. Tons of rain, forced gallons of raw sewage to spill from LA County sewers. What are all of the politicians doing in the sewer? Oh, wait, that's sewage. Did you think I was going to have to be serious about this headline?

No. They're trying to deal with mud because it's the Pineapple Express, the atmospheric river. And the LA basin is trying to cope.

And they can't. So they had a huge spill. It was Rancho Dominguez, the 8 million gallons, overflowed manholes, streamed into storm drains. It was pretty bad.

Let's see. This truck accident, let me pull this up, this is WGAL channel 8. A truck rolled over a highway in Franklin County splitting the truck open. And it was apparently there were a number of tractor trailers involved. One of them was carrying Vicks. It was a truck full of the Vicks VapoRub and some of the humidifiers. I bet everybody could breathe easier. That was a horrible joke, but you know what I mean.

Let's see here. This, there was a tiny dog that made a mess, had a little accident on a flight. This is New York Post, because some people can bring their dogs into the cabin. But the dog was let out of its crate, which is something that's not supposed to happen. And apparently the dog made a mess and everybody in the cabin had to deal with it. They said it was horrible and that the lady, the dog's owner, wouldn't clean it up. What? Yeah. And the flight attendants had to deal with it.

It was on the edge of a seat. And another lady refused to move or take, she refused to move her dog or take responsibility for it. See, that's just being a bad pet owner. Like that's, I think that's abusive to your dog and abusive to everyone else. Just like be a decent human if you're going to do this. So apparently there's now an AI toddler.

This is just not going to end well. It's called Tong Tong. Yeah, it's an AI model or it means little girl in English.

It was created by the Beijing, of course it's China, Beijing Institute for General Artificial Intelligence. That's what they want everyone to be. Just like a robotic little toddler. That's what it is.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of the United States. So in Mr. Bojakowski's response, he admits that he possessed the medical specimen and he admits that he disposed of them. I told 2022 until July of 2023 when I disposed of them. Yeah. So because that physical anomaly has been a point of stress in my life since I can remember it. And my middle name that I chose is D because my whole life I've been called big D. I'm D from the D and I thank God that these D's nuts were extracted and they were put into a biohazard bag and for the giggles, I put them in a mason jar and I put them in the fridge next to the eggs.

So let me ask you this, was the conversation ever with you? What is up with the headwear for these D's? This guy's wearing like Mario Brothers Toad's hat. I feel like I'm looking at Eddie Izzard and Toad from Super Mario Brothers with a beard. I'm really confused right now.

This is what Kane shows for days of these United States. It's a dude who had his giblets snipped and put, because you know, that's what normal dudes do. They get their giblets snipped and put in a mason jar pickled next to the eggs. People get them snipped. You know, he got them whacked. He got them taken off.

He got his giblets cut off and pickled and put in a jar by the eggs. I'm not kidding you. That's literally what happened and I'm like, um, and then an X took them and that was the X, the guy with Toad's hat on.

I think so. You guys know Toad stole from Super Mario Brothers. That was Toad's hat. Like what in the world? I don't understand that. I'm confused. So what happened is that the guy who is cosplaying as a woman and thinks that if he just wears a kerchief on his head and holds a dog that, you know, voila, vagina, that, yeah, no, still, that doesn't mean, I mean, he still did.

I mean, you can, you can, you can cut your beans off all you want to, it's just, it doesn't, you know, you're not, it doesn't give you, doesn't transform your bits into a, you know, a lady part. But anyway, so he had like literally his giblets pickled in a mason jar that his partner kept by the eggs in the fridge and then what? He got mad because the partner threw him out. What did you think was going to happen with them?

You can't reattach them. They're pickled in a jar and, and, but that's not the question who does that? It keeps them in a pickle, who cuts it off and then who keeps them in a pickle jar.

Right by the huevos. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd cane. Oh my gosh. I just, um, it is something else, but it is, he did look like Eddie Izzard, right? At least Eddie Izzard doesn't go around telling everybody what pronouns to use.

So I never, I don't have no problem with Eddie Izzard cause Eddie Izzard just lives his life and he's not going to sit here and you know, push up into your business and be like, you need to change your bathrooms and you're, he doesn't do that. But that guy with the toad hat, that bothered me. I just hated the hat so bad. It just, I think I normally, I know I'm not supposed to be mean in person because that's how I was raised to not be mean. But I really do think that if I pass that guy, like say, you know, I was at Costco and I'm like, you know, with my cart and I watched that guy walk around with his toadstool hat, I think I legit would have to stop him and be like, Oh, I just have to tell you, I hate your hat. I hate it so bad. I wish I could set it on fire, but sadly it's on your head and that would be a crime, but I hate your hat. And then I would just go off and do my business. Seems perfectly acceptable. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.