Absurd Truth: Bud Light Doubles Down

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. A naked greased up Florida Man is accused of breaking into two homes and then jumping in the pool. Now shockingly, deputies believe the suspect was under the influence of unknown substances. I know we're all shocked. The man, Blake Tachman, accused of breaking into two homes. Police, I mean, they had the body cameras from the deputies. Just kind of amazing. I don't even know if we get I mean, he well there's blurred out but he's on a trampoline at one point totally in his birthday suit.

I'm not I can't I can't man. So he was he was allegedly broke allegedly he broke into two homes try to evade deputies by jumping in a swimming pool and onto a trampoline all while naked and greasy according to the sheriff's officials. They responded around 2am to reports of a burglary 34 year old Blake Tachman is the was the suspect Volusia County Sheriff's Office said that he was smashing out windows to break into the homes and then left and broke into another house. And the body camera footage released by the sheriff's office shows him running from the deputy literally doing all these things jumping in a pool climbing out of the pool jumping on the trampoline. It took four deputies to get custody of this guy and he was kicking and hitting them. One of the deputies was cut in the arm.

And in addition to be naked the sheriff's office this is sheriff saw this is a real story. He was covered in wheel bearing grease, peppermint oil and blood. They believe he may have may have been under the influence of an unknown substance. And then it took three medical professionals to secure him on a stretcher. And if you're watching the simulcast one showing the blurred out guy laying on the trampoline, golly. So he took three medical professionals to secure him on a stretcher for evaluation.

So he faces charges two counts of occupied burglary, three counts of battery and a law enforcement officer, two counts of criminal mischief and resisting arrest with violence. I don't even I don't really have any words. I hope they clean that trampoline before somebody's kid gets on it though. Yeah.

Man, I mean, Oh, let's see this. Miami area beaches full of feces and the health department is warning people, Florida Health Department, a special type of bacteria I can't pronounce was in water samples from Crandon Park. It was such high levels that they actually Miami Dade County issued a press release saying stay out of the water because of the duty.

And not like DUTY either. I mean, it's it's a pair. It's very bad. And they said that swimmers could actually become sick. They I mean, there's actual literal feces in the water. And I, I don't know, is it spring break? Is that what it was?

And no, like everyone just used it as their loo. I don't know. Stick with us. We got our third hour on the way. What a way to end this hour. Good heavens. Thanks for joining us.

We'll be right back. Happy day alive and thrive guarantee, you know, everything will look great fresh out of the box. So join over 1.5 million happy fast growing trees customers visit fast growing trees.com slash Dana now and get 15% off your entire order. Get 15% off at fast growing trees.com slash Dana.

That's fast growing trees.com slash Dana. Well, I'm a business woman, I had a really clear job to do when I took over Bud Light and it was this brand is in decline. It's been in decline for a really long time.

And if we do not attract young drinkers to come and drink this brand, there will be no future for Bud Light. So I have this super clear mandate. It's like we need to evolve and elevate this incredibly iconic bland and my what I've been doing is I have to get a really clear.

we need to evolve and elevate this incredibly iconic brand. And my, what I brought to that was a belief in, okay, what does, what does evolve and elevate mean? It means inclusivity. It means shifting the tone.

It means having a campaign that's truly inclusive and feels lighter and brighter and different and appeals to women. I was going to meet myself and say something really, really snarky to Kane here just a second ago. First off, welcome back to the program, Dana Lashar. That is the new, what is it? Not, well, the new, yeah, kind of new. That's Budlights VP of marketing, Alyssa Heinerschneid, Heinerscheid.

That works. Well, that's why they suck. They got a chick running it. This lady, I mean, she looks like she enjoys a beer as much as Elizabeth Warren does, which is to say not at all. I was going to make a joke about beer goggles, Kane. Let your mind unpack that.

That's what I was, that's what I was going to go for. She's, I just don't, she says that they're trying to attract younger drinkers. You know, you can attract, you can attract younger drinkers without insulting women because guess, guess who also likes beer? Oh, women. Women also like beer.

And men like beer because I don't think that they're going for either of those demographics with the way partnering with a guy who's making fun of women. She just seems like she's entirely clueless. She's one of those people who checks the boxes, she goes through all of the program, right? She checks the boxes, she gets this degree, she does this. And then she gets the position but that she has no soul for. And I think that's a huge problem.

You need people in marketing that actually get it and get the product and have passion and have a soul. I mean, of course, you're talking about a beer that masquerades as beer, trans beer. It's really what it is. Oh, I can say that now.

They are. But I don't even honestly, do you think that as Kane says fake chicks, like the dudes pretending to be chicks, they don't drink beer. The Dylan Mulvaney guy doesn't act like any woman that I've ever seen before in my life. Who runs around in their muddy backyard with heels? Nobody. That's the whole point. Nobody acts like this.

He's acting what he thinks that girls act like. Did you see the photo? I accidentally saw it.

I wasn't looking for anything. But I was reading Daily Mail, which is a trash website that I hate, but I clicked on a link and it took me there. And then the sidebar was a picture of him taking his trash can or his recycling whatever from the curb. He walks to the damn curb with his purse.

Who does that? And he had a five o'clock shadow. He didn't have all of his makeup on but he was taking his trash can, picking it up from the curb, bringing it back towards his house and he had a five o'clock shadow. I mean, you can sit here and you weren't lipstick and you can do all this other stuff, but you're not going to sit here and fake your body out of grow and stubble. Okay, it's not going to happen.

I mean, I could just I in my mind, I mocked up a Gillette ad. So this is why this doesn't work. It's why it doesn't work. He came out with some things and he was he's he just is so down this week. He's so down.

Nobody cares. You know what? There are serious problems that are happening in the world.

One's got if you're if you're listening to the program across the country, we also have the simulcast of the program that you can watch on YouTube, Facebook and Channel 347 on DirecTV. And there's a picture of him taking literally his purse to go bring up his trash can he's got dude, he's got five o'clock shadow. He's got to shave himself every day. That's like dermaplaning to the extreme. Not the same thing.

It's a joke and it's offensive. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So apparently, it's going to be time for an eclipse in like a year, there's going to be a solar eclipse that sweeps across North America will take place on April 8 2024. So I know you're so excited about it more than anything else on God's green earth. So block out your calendars, everybody, the moon's gonna cast a shadow across the stretch of the United States, Mexico and Canada plunging millions of people into midday darkness.

And that's folks when the monsters will come from within the core of the earth. I'm slightly joking. We're smart.

All right. Also, Pennsylvania officials are saying that you should not eat fish from these waters. This comes out of WTAJ the CBS affiliate there the Department of Environmental Protection has issued a fish consumption advisory for several bodies of water across the Commonwealth. These advisories are typically due to mercury, dioxins, some other stuff being present in fish populations. It can cause you know, heavy metal poisoning and all kinds of horrible stuff.

But they have some advisory severely limiting on how much you consume. I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that leaked out any tankers or anything like that. But they're just saying that don't nothing from the Shinago that and I'm going to mess this up. So don't hate me. Pennsylvanians, Shinango River, Mercer and Lawrence counties due to the what they call the PCB risks.

And those stand for a long, long medical term that have lots of consonants in it that we're not going to attempt today because it's Monday and it's not even one o'clock yet. Also, this that actually is kind of man because fish is fun. China is simulating hitting key targets on Taiwan the drills which Beijing has called a stern warning to the self governing island our response to Taiwan's president visiting the United States last week and meeting with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. So they simulated an encirclement of the island and the US urged China to show restraint. See, again, why couldn't be an office I would simulate complete and total turning China the country into glass.

I would just have simulated that right and raising it and then I'm just saying that's what it's what I would have done. But this is why I can't be in office. First anti aging pills are going to hit shelves in 2028. Experts predict a Silicon Valley racist to conquer death. I can't think anything more knowing than living forever. Chat GPT boss Sam Altman has invested $180 million in anti aging and just anti aging biotech firm Jeff Bezos invested 3 billion. And so apparently it's a pill that's going to I don't know so much as be an extension of life but but kind of stave off aging.

I think it's kind of creepy to be real. We got a lot more on the way the latest with Louisville stay with us. You've heard me talk about my friends at Caltech for years and it's because I really believe in them as a company and as innovators. Their firearms in design and function go above and beyond like with the Caltech P 50 a revolutionary award winning pistol that packs a punch in a compact package. The Caltech P 50 is perfect for home defense, for rain shooting or just even having some fun. And with its top mounted Picatinny rail, you can easily attach your favorite optics or accessories to make it truly yours. Whether you are a seasoned shooter or you're just starting out the Caltech P 50 is the perfect pistol for anyone looking for power and precision and a compact and easy to use package their firearms in design and function go above and beyond. Learn more about the P 50 pistol at CaltechWeapons.com. That's K E l t e c weapons.com.

Secure your world with Caltech, CaltechWeapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. So there's a new Easter Bunny at the White House. They did the Easter egg roll today. Was it potatoes that they were watching the simulcast program one show on the Trump indictments.

The press just asked Easter Bunny about Trump indictments. Now Hunter Biden is also at the White House, giving a whole new meaning to peeps. As Kane noted, this is daddy's pixie stick. You get your own pixie stick. This is a special one for daddy. He's there literally at the White House on the I mean, can I just Oh my gosh, you guys I cannot imagine how untouchable you must be.

After so many icky videos come out about your flabby ass with all these prostitutes in a deprivation tank smoking crack doing all this other stuff. And you show up at the Easter egg roll. That with the Easter Bunny, you just show up there.

You're there. Everybody has seen everything. Right? Do you not talk about it? Like, how does that work? It's just weird. It's weird.

Like, could you maybe just have a little self awareness? It's nasty. And he still looks nasty.

He doesn't he he's like, he just doesn't look well. And for a number of reasons. So they had the Easter egg roll, I guess I don't know what they do in potatoes or eggs. Did we ever figure that out? I don't even know. They got the new Easter Bunny that was there.

And they he did say that he said at the Easter egg roll earlier that he plans to run in the 2024 election. So I don't know. I'm I'm I don't know.

There's there was a there's one video going work. There's a kid screamed when Biden came towards them. It's just funny.

And someone else said it reminds them of this political headline from eight years ago when Obama was telling the kids bees are good and they screamed. I don't know. It's just funny. There's just I like look, I like the traditions. I know I think you can do more than one thing at a time. I realize there's some serious stuff going on in the world.

And we now have the same opinion of Emmanuel Macron that the French do. But I do think it's important to maintain, you know, traditions like, you know, Easter egg roll and things that are uniquely, you know, just totally American things. That's incredibly important to maintain stuff like that. And maybe not have Hunter Biden there. Because just, you know, it's gross.

I mean, you don't want to get the kids to get the wrong pixie stick, if you know what I mean. All right. Today in stupidity came. All right.

It's got to be AOC. I mean, she has been saying nothing but stupid things for the last week. And so we'll just get a couple of these. Here's one of her talking about the Supreme Court. Somehow they have lost their legitimacy.

Listen to them. I know that there are calls for Chief Justice to the Chief Justice Roberts initiated an investigation. I do not think that this court any longer has the legitimacy, especially after the Supreme Court leak last year, which never came to a conclusion. She's all upset about Clarence Thomas. So she's going to conflate and make things up. It's no one actually. I mean, her opinion is about as valuable as probably her drinks that she made when she was slinging them as a bartender. We're done now. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast.