Absurd Truth: Goose Gassage

Liberty Nation with Mark Angelides. Is gambling ruining Major League Baseball? And can the sport recover? From the heavy pressure of market forces, find out on Liby Nation Radio. Yeah.

Author, columnist, managing editor of LibertyNation.com, podcast host, and conservative policy advocate. We dismiss history at our peril. Liberty Nation with Mark Angelides. Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Keltech. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man.

So, a Florida man, he got done, got himself in trouble here. He broke in Sascambia County. He broke in to his ex-girlfriend's home through a doggy door. This is why we'll not have doggy doors. 26-year-old, how do you say his name?

Kalen C-A-E? You have too many vowels in your name, sir. Anyway, some dude he broke into the home Deputies were called for the report of a burglary, and then he climbed into his ex's bed. And they struggled. She hit him in the nose with her elbow, and then he left the same way he had come in through the large dog door.

He's been charged with burglary or assault with assault or battery. And I told Kane on break, I said, I said, Well, I don't have a dog door. But if I did, maybe I would want like some AI facial recognition and I would have like two robotic arms that would automatically descend, maybe with like, I don't know, MP5s or something, and you know, full, fully pointed at the dog door.

So if it's not my dog, Oh. Both of them. How did that like a snare?

Okay. But Since, you know, I'm not going to beg the government for NFA stuff.

So, yeah, it'd be like that. I'd have enough door it would just be like that. Also, if you're fitting through a doggy door, you're a small dude. They said it was a large dog door. I don't know what that still means, what the measurements on that are.

You know, I'm not like Bob the Builder, but You know, um, but yeah, that's why I haven't wanted because criminals aren't necessarily cane the healthiest or the smartest people. That's true. Yeah, I know.

So, mm. Let's see here.

Okay, this blew my mind. I don't do Mm-hmm. w my I had a family member that took me to Disney World or Disneyland one time. Never been at I think I was at Disney World once for a work thing. But this Florida man, he says this is the average cost when he took his family.

Florida man says that it was $1,400 for one day at Walt Disney World. I'm sorry, what?

So let's break this down. Yeah, he said that it was like $1,400. Parking was $30. Tickets for his family to get into Hollywood Studios, and it's like a family of four, $974. Five tickets and parking, they immediately that's $1,000.

And they even got the Florida resident discount, and they have one child under 10. Everything else, quick service meals. uh in Disney Springs, any kind of snack or drink, water and ice cream was thirty dollars. He had a pretzel and a beer that was twenty dollars. They said it was over forty four dollars for a quick surface pizza.

and a drink. They said that Star Wars Coke was like $7. I mean, just insane. And one of their restaurants for their dinner was like almost $300, ending at just like just under $1,400. And they said that they didn't even stay at one of the resort hotels.

I love nothing that much. To pay that kind of money, right? No way. I mean I don't know. And now, remember how Disney was like, oh, Florida don't say gay?

Well, they're building up a resort in Abu Dhabi where you definitely can't say gay. Are they going to have like a ride featuring, you know, we're going to throw the gays to death because they're gay? I mean, I'm just curious. Other so $1,400. I my jaw hit the floor.

There is no way I would pay that. I could be a patrillionaire and I will not pay that. That isn't saying I go to take a stand somewhere. That's crazy.

So A um hmm. Where to start with this one?

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For water bottles. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates are available in all states, potential savings will vary. Hey, give us your two cents on this story. It's all systems go for a controversial new program in Michigan. at bringing down the Canada goose population.

As the state prepares to round up and gas the geese to death, animal rights groups are calling foul over this and demanding answers. Cassing geese. What the heck?

So They think the best way to get their geese population under control. isn't to have hunters handle it. You know, maybe give Give some. I don't know. Like Hunters out and get some licenses going, you know, increase the license.

I don't know. No, they're going to gas them. That's So does the gas only work for just the geese? Is it just a geese gas? Because There's Now bear with me.

In nature. There are other animals out there with the geese in nature. That's true. So is this a particular type of geese gas that only gases geese? No, I think they were gonna round him up.

and then gas them in a Like a chamber. I mean, it could haunt them. Because geese are tasty. Also, they're migratory. Do Canada geese just hang around?

Is that what they're having problems with? They're leaving because they probably want to get out of there because Mark Carney. But They can't just wait till they fly away, like South. Uh I don't know, man. They're just passing through.

They're connected. Mission's too close. Yeah. I don't know, man. I Are they not good eating?

Now, it's like what lake uh lake a homeowner's like front homeowners that are upset. with the popul, I guess the population. and they want them exterminated for convenience. What? No, that's that's the reason People bought property.

Lakefront. Inner upset it. animals using that lake. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So it is, I was, they're gonna, and then they're just gonna take the dead geese. Yeah. That's Fox 2 Detroit that reported that.

So, this was the idea they landed on and said. This is the one. They said that, no, it's an approved euthanasia method. They said they're making a mess on the sidewalks, and they get in the way of golf swings. What?

No. I am literally being so honest right now. I am reading the story verbatim. It's the Hot News State, Michigan, where we gas geese that get involved in your golf swing. I personally am not a fan of the geese, except for eating, because they're jerks.

Yeah, geese can be jerks. I so kind of an accompanying story to this. For whatever reason, geese hate me. You know I have a problem with certain animals, right? Yeah.

Chimpanzees. I kicked a skunk once because it, I swear to you, it hissed at me. I was, in my defense, I was three. Do not do that. And I thought it was a cat that was going to attack me.

I do kind of sort of hazily remember it. I was, again, like three or four. Anyway, but one time a sweet listener sent me a pair of pink. sparkly shoelaces because they hurt my heart. Wrenching story about how one day at the St.

Louis Zoo, a goat ate the pink shoelaces off of my tennis shoes, and I was heartbroken, like literally ate them out, slurped them up like a noodle. It's crazy. I know, we'd have to And just like tape my shoe on my foot. It was so weird. I felt like a hobo.

I was walking around the zoo for the rest of the day, like a hobo with a hobo foot. I don't even, it's crazy. And Then I did tell you the story when I got to, most of you heard this. the slap fight with the chimp. Right.

My neighbor that uh yes, they were affiliated with that Festus family that did that documentary. And I it was a juvenile chimp in a diaper and it tried to like throw stuff at me from its diaper and I just and it pinched me and I slapped it. Without knowing, you know, I was young that it could pull my face off. Anyway, you know, we got an issue. Where's the meat?

Geese, for whatever reason, hate me. If I am at like a lake or pond or whatever, and there's geese nearby, I just got to leave because I don't even do anything. I'm just there existing. And the geese are like, map, and they don't like it. And map, map.

And they just come at me, they run at me. Every time, every scene, without fail. Without fail they will run at me and ignore the smaller children that are nearby. I don't know what it is. Dogs love me, geese hate me because they're the cats of the air.

Anyway. I don't know, man. It's just what they do. And I But I don't want to gas them. I do not want to gas them because that is jerk, a jerk move.

And also, I would rather eat them. Are they good eating? I'm not sure. I've had goose before. Canadian goose?

I mean, a goose is a goose, isn't it? Is it? I think there's I think there's different geese. Out there. I was going to make a joke.

When I think goose, it's like the big old fluffy white one. They're not as big as swans, but they're goose. Because it got meat? Canadian geese are not that, so I don't know if they're good eating or not. I'll eat it.

Put a song. I didn't squirrel though, so. The one thing I haven't eaten won't is raccoon because it looks greasy as all get out. My grandpa used to go raccoon hunting all the time. Yeah, I don't eat any little greasy, marsupial bandit-looking things.

I don't like those. Yeah. I am. I mean, I'll eat most things, but I'm very selective still at the same time. If it's greasy and it it's like an animal that would probably rob me, I'm not gonna eat it.

Um No, no, sta.

So anyway. They said that they've been talking to these waterfowl experts. They said they want to, I mean, they've relocated geese before, but they said it's not sustainable to do that.

So they're going to gas them. They're migratory birds. What are you relocating? They're migratory. Yeah.

By the way, this is the this is what an expert A A water, I'm reading this. This is from Fox 2. Detroit. A waterfowl expert with Uh the Michigan Duck and Rescue Sanctuary. This is pretty hardcore.

Meaning it's thundering out there because the God doesn't like this story.

So this is what they said. They go, yeah, it's kind of a disgusting way of doing it. When they gas them, they're going to tell people that they're just going to fall asleep. Nothing is going to fall asleep. It's going to fight for 20, 30, 40 minutes until it dies.

That's the direct quote. Come on. I'm sending you this. I'm dropping the story on slide. This is the actual direct quote.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, go down there and check that.

So yeah, they don't they're not gonna fall asleep. They're gonna and die horribly, like after, you know, a while. That's what's gonna happen. Yeah. They're just there.

That's so sad. Like, I would rather it be humanely harvested from nature via. a hunter. for me to eat or someone to eat. Are there no hungry people in Michigan?

I mean it's like a wolf came up with this idea the wolves are fine with them being gassed I just, and they said that, you know, these are, it has to be a problematic site.

So now the state of Michigan's like, oh, hold up, because people are like, you're going to do what?

So they're saying, now, wait a minute, it's a last resort, everybody. And they're going to be problematic sites.

So, see, it doesn't totally sound like they're just going to round them up and take them somewhere. It doesn't. It sounds like they're going to get a Call of Duty god gun and just blast some geese gas out in the atmosphere and just, you know, hope it doesn't hit anything else. What were the other resorts? If this is the last resort, what were the other resorts there?

What are the other resorts?

Well, shoe didn't work. What? We tried poison for a couple months. That didn't do anything. I mean, good heavens.

So I I've got a lot of questions about this. Like, why why can't they again? Just You know. Are they good eating? That's what I'm saying.

You know? That's the question. If they're good eating, then we need to think about something like that. But they said their nuisance their nuisance Geese, and everybody's been pushing back on it. And I think it just sounds dumb.

So, is that the new threshold for gassing things? They're nuisances. I mean, if we're going to roll with that. Can we extend it to peoples? Because.

You know, we're done. No one's evolving to that. What I'm saying, like for people that have bad taste or wear, you know, high-waisted jeans, or think that. You know, yes. Platform shoes don't make your feet look like Clyde Sales women.

Liquid Gassing Geese has already got you. It's already, you know. No, this is bad. They said that some people see them as a lakeside pest, but yeah, it's basically the people who live by the lake. The fancy people who live by the lake that don't like the geese interfering with their golf swing.

Killing all the fish? Like what are the what's What do they have against nature, that nature existing and nature is Enough to gas him. I don't know, but I just feel like there's other things that they could do, maybe. I feel like they have not gotten to the last resort. They ought to feel lucky that the geese wanna live there.

I'm just, you know, like, instead of being like, oh, these are nuisance animals, like, how nice is it that they want to be here with us? That's so sweet. But they're not, they're being jerks about it.

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So, apparently, bald dudes are bringing back the toupee. Will women get extensions? Man, let me tell you something. You don't let a broad make fun of you for wearing a toupee because these girls out here are getting like five-foot-long extensions put up on their head. If they're not getting extensions put up on their eyelashes, so you know what?

You don't get no heat for that. Take that to the bank. But they are bringing it back. I would imagine, too, that they are much nicer than they were like when I was a kid. Because when I was a kid, it was very obvious that somebody had a toupee.

So they said that this is a New York Post piece, and they said that men are bringing them back. I also thought dudes were doing. Like the hair plugs or whatever? Maybe, maybe not. But yeah, toupees are coming back.

They're coming back again. An ancient reptile footprint has upended theories about when animals evolved to live on land. There was a little short that Monty Python had one time where they took like this bone of something and fabricated it into a completely made-up animal and put it in a museum. It was a little, a little, one of their little cartoon breaks that they had for Monty Python. And it makes me, these kind of stories make me think of this every time.

It's a 350 million year old fossil. And they said it shows characteristics similar to that of monitor lizards. And it's been in Australia 350 million years ago, they suggest, is when it emerged. But they think that animals developed the ability to live on land faster than previously assumed. I actually don't really care about any of that.

I mean, I think it's interesting, but does it matter? Oh, is it a billion years earlier or not? Does it change where we are right now? I don't know. You know, chimpanzees.

Oh, this is really gross. Chimpanzees actually use leaves. It's gross, but. not. They clean themselves.

Like that's their, that's nature's tissue for them. The leaves, it's nature's tissue. They've been studying them, the horrible left-wing rag that is called the guardian. Said that they did this study on all of these chimpanzees, and that's have they always done that, or is that new? I would imagine.

I mean, leaves have been what the leaves have been around forever.

So, imagine them using them to actually groom themselves with a leaf. It's kind of I don't know. It's interesting. Air traffic control hotline between Pentagon and Reagan, Washington National Airport. That's been broken since 2022.

I think that might be needed. They said that it's supposed to be for coordinating aircraft. And it hasn't worked. Since March of 2022, they were not aware that the direct line was broken until a May 1st incident when a helicopter circled the Pentagon and caused two flights to abort landings. I feel like they need to get that hotline fixed.

So, wait a minute, Poot Booty Juice, when he was Secretary of Transportation, he didn't know that. He didn't do anything about it. He didn't do anything about it. Sean Duffy gets in there and he's like, oh my gosh, what is happening?

So he immediately remedies it. But what the hell was Pooh? Oh, that's right. Poop Booty Juice had just bought some children and was pretending that he had birthed them in the hospital when he took months off for maternity leave. That's right, that's right.

The DOD also maintains the hotline, but the fact that you were not able to coordinate. Any of that air traffic, and you had that issue happen, that's pretty crazy. I read this when I first read this. I thought it said a fish cemetery, and I said, What? A Fisher's Cemetery employee.

He got charged because he dug up a grave for a gold ring.

Sounds like an old Tales from the Crypt story. Seth Davidson, 24, told police that he buried an urn with a gold ring in it and couldn't stop thinking about it. And so it's this isn't in Indianapolis. He apparently dug it up. He graved robbed.

That's. We don't do that anymore. We don't grave rob. We haven't done that since.

Well, hell, I don't know. At least 100 years. We don't grave rob anymore, but not this guy. There were reports of a suspicious car in the area, and that's what tipped off police to find him. Welcome back to the program.

Dana Lash here with you. It's Friday. Happy Friday to you. I want to tell you about Long Island Man because we've been talking so much about Maryland Man. Marilyn Demand, that innocent Marilyn dad who doesn't happen to be like a woman beating human trafficking gang banger, but what of?

Let me tell you about Long Island, man. This is the New York Post. This is a headline that's a big mouthful. War criminal who helped orchestrate Rwandan genocide hid out as Long Island beekeeper for decades after lying on his immigration documents. Hmm.

And he's from and it this was in this was in r uh Long Island.

So He's a literal convicted Rwandan genocide war criminal. He was the little beekeeper. Didn't I see a movie?

Something like this with Jason Satham. Sidebar. Total sidebar. Pause. the movie.

I think it was called Beekeeper. I'm looking at Kane. I think it was called Beekeeper. And it Was Jason Statham and it was a great movie. There was no character development.

It was just, hi, we're here. The plot is ass kicking. That's what we're called. That's called the beekeeper. Last year.

I watched that and it was a great movie. I liked it. Did you see it? Have you seen it? I have not.

Although, I do like Jason Statham. I need to check this out. I think there's another movie that's out of his right now. Steve said he didn't know we were playing Mad Libs today.

Well, that's in more than one way. That headline was mad libbing. Yeah, it was absolutely mad libbing. Uh so he's this dude was he's a beekeeper.

Well, Izzy though, he acted like a beekeeper. And he was in Long Island for 20 years. He lied on all of his immigration papers about his past. Faustin Not going to say this name right. Cain.

N S A B U M U K U N Z I. Nazi bumzukunzi. That sounds right the way you said it. Nizabamu. Yeah, you didn't write the first 65, came to the U.S.

in 2004, lied on all of his green cards, his naturalization papers. He said he didn't have any part in the 1994 Rwandan genocide. He even did media interviews about his rev his uh refugee status. And he uh developed connections with wealthy Hamptonites, wealthy progressive, you know, people in the Hamptons. They they Freaks.

And then uh he was he They apparently paid his bond, $250,000 bond, after he was arrested so he could continue caring for. Beers. Hmm. Because he was a beekeeper. Not I guess they weren't his bees.

He was caring for someone else's bees. Nizabimisukizuzi, who was a beekeeper in his native country, He continued it here. He was also what they call a sector counselor. When he was in Rwanda, he literally directed the killings and rapes and participated in the violence against the Tutsis in Kabrizi during the 100-day genocide that was carried out, the ethnic cleansing that was carried out. Nizibuzu Kamutsu Kisusi.

Also, Assured folks during public meetings when he was in Rwanda that they would be protected. And then private meetings, he told the he would tell the opposing factions that he was going to kill the other ethnic group. He set up roadblocks to stop them from fleeing. I mean, it's just horrific. In one massacre, apparently, he told one armed faction to kill a group of a different faction that were in an administrative office.

And he apparently also beat some person to death by clubbing them in the head.

So that's this guy. He encouraged people, he encouraged the factions to rape the women as a genocidal tool, all of this. And he was j there in Long Island forever. Twenty years. And he also traveled abroad.

He went to Ivory Coast. He was in Togo just recently, in March. He was in Madagascar. He, I mean, he lived in the Ivory Coast for a decade prior to him coming to the United States.

So he's traveled for, he's been a fugitive forever. How are you literally a guy drugging rape? as a tool of of war. A weapon of war in Rwanda, and yet you're able to come here and live as a beekeeper of all places in. Long Island.

Right? Isn't that weird? It's weird that no one that that didn't tip anybody off, no one's like, hmm. What'd you say your past was again? It's a little odd.

They approved his green card in 2007 after he explicitly denied ever engaging in genocide and he denied ever committing a crime of moral turpitude. He applied to become a citizen in 2016. It's been pending ever since. They could deport him if they convict him. Interpol Rwanda issued a notice that he's wanted for genocidal crimes in 2016.

His client says, no, no, no, he's a victim. He's a law-abiding beekeeper and a gardener, simple gardener. He was a victim. But there are tons of witnesses who've all given statements to authorities that, yeah, we watched him beat a guy to death in the head. Yeah, we literally watched him.

like help hold women captive so they could be raped as a t as a weapon of war. All of these people are coming out saying this. I don't know. I th he's just a Long Island dad, Kane. Guys, he's a Long Island dad.

You gotta think of the bees. By the that beekeeper movie, though, it is a great movie. I'm not kidding you. I don't know anything about the guy's past. I don't think they ever got into that.

It's a plot hole that nobody cares about because if I watch a Jason Statham movie, I'm not watching to see his Oscar Lovell acting.

Okay. I'm not watching to see although he is good in Oscar Level. He's a great actor, but I'm not watching him to see a Ralph Fiennes performance.

Okay, I'm watching him because I believe it when he punches people to death. And that's what I want to see.

Sometimes I just want a movie where the guy comes out, and all you know about his character, he just goes, I'm the good guy. I'm going to play this bad guy, he's deaf. And then he does it. And you're like, yay, that's a great movie. That's what I like.

I'm a simple person. You know, I don't need all the other g garbage with it. Just, you know, show me that.

So this just a just a simple Long Island beekeeper, guys. I wonder if there were signs. I mean, that he literally was a general in a Rwandan genocide. That's a pretty particular skill set. Were there signs?

Just I feel like this is going to be a movie. It ought to be. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. It is Ryan Seacrest here.

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