Husband and Wives (Part B)

Ladies first, how do you fit in this verse? The hidden person of the heart, the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Where are you on that? Men, your turn. How are you when it comes to falling into the role that God has given you as head of the home, which means leader? Now, leader and supervisor are not the same thing. A leader makes you want to follow.

A leader draws from you respect. There are exceptions in certain places and in other places there are no exceptions. And it is up to us to dig into the word of God and find out where we belong. But like-mindedness blesses a marriage. Rowing in opposite directions does not make you get to the destination God has sent you on.

Who decides what destination? A couple are to row towards God, yes, but the head of the home is part of his role to establish this. And certainly the wife will and does contribute, must contribute, famous, famous words. We know these famous, famous words. Can two walk together unless they're agreed?

No, they can fight together if they're not. How can something so ordained by God find itself so ruined by men and women alike? Self-serving sin, always a smoking gun, not to oversimplify it. But successful marriages are successful because they are spiritually intact, psychologically, the head is in the right place, physically, holding your ground where you're supposed to. These things must be maintained.

You've got to work for them. We should excuse newlyweds from this morning's consideration. Joke, it's funny. Because when you're first married, most of the time, not all the time, but it's just wonderful. At least for one of you, maybe, right? And then as the years go by, there are many challenges that surface. You're not excused from dealing with those challenges. In fact, you are called to function in spite of them. That's what he's telling the women. He's saying it applies to the men. Also, if your spouse is not doing right, you are called to action.

You are not excused from duty. And so verse two, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Now, I'm trying to keep the tone right because I believe God's word does not need to be apologized for. I'm sorry, sisters, that it means there's none of that.

It is firm, it is sure, but there are also a lot of those believers who are hurting because the marriages aren't right. And you must know, of course, God sees it. He knows all about it.

He's not jolly over it either. He's focused, and he will not be moved from that which he is focused on. You say, well, what is he focused on? Well, I don't always know exactly. I don't know overall his righteousness and holiness. I get that part, but there are details that I don't always know about.

But I know what I'm supposed to be doing, and that's the challenge. Where would we be without such verses in Scripture? What if he said, wives, rebel against your husbands if they're a pain in the neck?

Some may be saying, I'm already doing that. I don't need the Bible to tell me. He says, when they observe your chaste conduct, chaste your righteous conduct. Blamelessness is the goal of a husband and a wife. Now, as I mentioned, he's talking to the women, but this applies to the men equally. If they don't want to hear it, then let them see it.

Now, that's what he's telling them. She is to preach with her life and her behavior, and not to be in a spot where she is condemned because of what she refuses to stop saying. Woe to the man who torments his wife. Woe to that man who sins against his wife. Woe to that wife who sins against her husband.

Woe in the sense that this is not something that is blessable. You can make words up when you're in the pulpit. I do it all the time.

You should try it. Verse 3, do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. The adornment, the word adornment here in the Greek is cosmos, which means, can be translated the world, the orderly arrangement. That's what it means in the Greek.

We get our English word, cosmetic, from this Greek word. And he is not saying to abstain from cosmetics, as some insist that it means, because he also goes on to say that it's not putting on clothes. Certainly not telling them to abstain from that.

And so we'll come to that in a moment. But it means don't overdo it. Do not let your outside appearance be overdone.

Do not draw undue attention to yourself, that outward appearance. You have to be very careful about it. There are laws, there are laws in the universe that are bigger than us. And if you excite those negative laws, they're going to have negative results. You reap what you sow.

Hairstyles, jewelry, and attire, they're all acceptable in Christ, so long as they're not overdone. Now women can like attention too much. Men can too, but I'll keep it tight to the women.

Because men can want to give it too much. What is the biblical example of that? David and Bathsheba, she wanted the attention, and he wanted to give it.

And the two created a disaster. He says arranging the hair. I don't know if I'm still qualified to speak on this one. Certainly not a prohibition to have nice hairdos. There's nothing wrong with nice things, so long as they do not get out of control, as I mentioned, with attracting too much attention. And we know what that means.

You don't need me to elaborate on that. A person can dress in such a way that they're attracting too much attention. One of my goals in the pulpit is to show as little skin as possible, and you're grateful about that. I mean, would you want a pastor to come up in a tank top? Well, of course, I can't make that statement without saying I'm the exception.

I don't. Leadership is not by exception, but example. And so as a rule, less skin is a good idea. He goes on to say wearing gold or silver or anything else that is overdone. Nothing wrong with arranging the hair, wearing the gold or any other fine metal or even wood. Put too much wood on.

You can make a lot of jokes with that one. Or putting on fine apparel. Now, fine in the New King James, that word is not there in the original Greek. He says, or putting on clothing. And of course, that's not what he meant.

His audience knew this. He's trying to bring it down some. His word has gotten back to me. Some of you are overdoing it, and you're causing problems. You're drawing more attention to yourself than to Christ. You're not Christ-centered.

You're self-centered. This happened to be more of an issue with the women at the time that he wrote this letter. And there are times, of course, men can be gaudy. I remember years ago, my wife and I went to a restaurant. Two young men came into the restaurant to scarf down some food. And they had so much cologne on. You couldn't breathe.

And it was just awful. And so, again, the excess is drawing attention, negative attention, to themselves. And so, again, Peter is not forbidding any of these items here. John's Gospel, chapter 12, verse 32. Jesus said, And if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself. He did not say, If you are lifted up, if you self-promote, if you go overboard. Now, there are those that insist, again, that women cannot do this.

They cannot put on jewelry, wear makeup, do their hair any way. You know, I've never met anyone with that rule who's ever impressed me spiritually. What a loving person.

What a legalistic, judgmental person. Now, maybe you have. I just don't recall that bringing a person to the point. As Paul said, these things are useless against the works of the flesh. The flesh is going to be the flesh. You can take off all those items, except the clothing, and still be carnal, and still be a problem. Or, you can put on makeup and do your hair and dress modestly and be a blessing. And I can tell you, there are a lot of women in this church that I think are a blessing, that do their hair and wear the jewelry. And I think that this is the balance that even Peter was going for, or else he could have came right out and said, I forbid you from wearing jewelry, and making your hair up, and wearing any clothes that are more than two dollars. Now, the opposite goes to.

For example, a man can be a slob. Oh, that brings glory to Christ. How about a shower? How about a little deodorant or something?

You're bringing unnecessary attention to yourself. Now, if you want the mountain man look, that's fine, but be clean. You know, as it says in Leviticus, excellent advice, or a statement.

He is bald, but he is clean. Some of you just, your hamsters don't pedal fast enough for me. We are free in Christ, but we're not free to unnecessarily be a stumbling block.

Here's my point. Jesus said, or Paul said, if eating meat makes my brother stumble, I will no longer eat meat. Now, what if wearing clothes makes your brother stumble?

Well, you fall on his face, because I'm wearing clothes. And so you understand the freedom we have, but not to be abusive with it, and we'll have to pay attention. And as missionaries have moved around the world with the gospel, they've had to work these things out to keep Christ lifted up, and to not succumb to the oppressions men can put on us in destroying authority. Romans chapter 13 gives us the bottom line, what is fashionable for the Christian. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lust.

Galatians 3 27. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ, the apparel, the dress. Years ago, there was a person that was dressed so provocatively that some of the women had an issue, and we're trying to let the Lord work it out.

The odd thing is that I had a meeting with her husband on, not any particular, just to get to know you kind of a meeting, and he said his wife had problems with how the other women were dressed, without knowing that the women had a problem with her. And I said, this is bizarre. This is just crazy.

Are you crazy? I knew what the women were talking about. They were right.

He was wrong. I just said, okay, I'll look into that one. Here's your jacket, bud. Ties up in the back. Anyway, seamless ministry is what we're after as believers. You know what seamless ministry is? You can't see all the bumps. When you come into the building, everything's done.

The floors are swept. The chairs are where they belong. All you have to do is worship. I was watching a show. I have a trip coming up overseas in a few months, and so I was looking up some things about the country.

England is the country because myself and Pastor Thomas Powell were planning a trip there. We're really trying to get to the bottom of this whole taxation without representation. The tea party thing in Boston, you know, years ago, we're just not comfortable with what happened. All right, I guess it's not funny to you, but I think it's very funny. But back to what I'm talking about. So I stumbled across a few shows, because of course YouTube has all the information you want about any way you don't want to go. And I looked on this show on butlers. These guys are amazing. I want one. Two.

I'll take two of them. Well anyway, they're all about seamless service. I mean, these guys are fierce. I mean, holding the tray and scooping up things, and if you drop something, act like you didn't do it, just clean it up.

Seamless, because it's appreciated. People don't want that when they come to have a dinner. They don't want to see clumsiness. Is that ministry supposed to be better? Aren't we supposed to be superior in our presentation? Aren't we supposed to be servants of the Lord? Seamless ministry. It takes work and dedication to arrive at this. Now all we have to do to prove it is start—you know how many servants come in here and dust cobwebs? Men and women alike dust everything.

Vacuum the floors, mop the floors, make sure the bathrooms are fit. That's what is being talked about here. He's saying, ladies, seamless ministry. Exalt Christ. Men, if you drift into the area where you now are a distraction because of how you choose to dress, then maybe you should reconsider how you're going about it.

Ask someone if you don't—you know, men wearing hot pink pants. That's an abomination. It's in the Bible.

God will strike you, I think. Verse 4, he says, rather—here's a good idea—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Okay, first, ladies. Ladies, first, how do you fit in this verse? The hidden person of the heart, the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Where are you on that? Men, your turn. How are you when it comes to falling into the role that God has given you as head of the home, which means leader. Now, leader and supervisor are not the same thing. A leader makes you want to follow. A leader draws from you respect. I like this. This is right.

Even in difficult times, I know this is difficult, and this is the way we're going. This—the idea of loyalty comes to mind. And so what Peter has in mind could only be wrought, not bought. That's what he's saying to the ladies.

You can't buy—you know, you can buy a hairdo and makeup and all that, but you cannot buy this. These things come from the Holy Spirit, and they must be maintained, as a garden must be maintained and even manicured. True adornment of believers are found in character on what's on the inside.

Again, to be careless of these things is to take attention from Christ. God told his great prophet Samuel, I look on the inside. 1 Samuel 16 verse 7, Yahweh said to Samuel—let's pause there for those of you who may not be familiar with this— Samuel was sent to the sons of Jesse and Bethlehem to find a king to replace King Saul. And of course, all of the strapping sons came out, and Samuel said, Surely this is the one. And God said, He is not him. And he would go down the line, and he said, Are there any boys left?

Any sons? If there's still one, he's out with the flock. Of course, here comes David, ruddy and sort of the low man on the pole. And God says to Samuel, Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him, talking about the ones he didn't accept. For the Lord does not see a man as man sees. For man looks at the outward appearance, but Yahweh looks at the heart.

That's what Peter's talking about, what's in the heart. My second oldest brother, who is now with the Lord, he was a mechanic, not by trade, but he was a very good mechanic. He's a bit of a pain in the neck on this item. You get a new car, even if it was used old, but it came right off the lot, it doesn't matter. You could be driving it right out of the factory, and he'd say, Pop the hood. It was annoying. He always wanted to see what was on the inside.

He wanted to look at the motor. I got a flat tire. Pop the hood.

That's what it's supposed to be for us. What's on the inside? Open the hood up.

Let's see what makes this thing run. Verse 5, For in this manner in former times the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands. You know, for years I've passed over this. Well, he's talking to the women. That's not for me.

But listen to this. In this manner in former times the holy women who trusted God. What a word to all of us.

I want to be the holy man who trusts in God. Now his reference to women in this manner in former times puts the kibosh on cultural excuses. Well, that was then. But not now. We can do it differently. No, he says, Listen, I'm going to take you all the way back because it is for right now. There's no end to this. The unchanging roles of a man and a woman in Christ.

He refreshes it right here. So if any of them would have said, Well, well, I'm a Gentile. Come to the church. I'm not a Jew. That was for the Jews. He says, No, no, this is righteous behavior I'm talking about. I'm not talking about Jewish behavior. I'm talking about righteous behavior.

Things change, but not God's perfect intentions. In chapter one in verse 21 we read, Holy men moved by the Holy Spirit. Now who would say, Well, that was for them. That's not for us.

It is for us. When you share Christ with someone, you see, the Lord just gave me what I needed to say, and I preached the gospel to them because you were a holy man. Moved by the Holy Spirit. And so here, holy women trusted in God to be that kind of a believer.

Boaz, that great name, Boaz, a manly name. Anyway, he was first attracted to Ruth by who she was, what was on the inside. She was not rich.

She was very poor, as a matter of fact, gleaning in another man's field. We read in Ruth chapter 2 verse 5, Then Boaz said to his servants who was in charge, Whose young woman is this? Okay, he notices her in his field. But it was her character that stood out and stood up.

It stood out because it did stand up. It's her character that shines the most. Her character, had it been otherwise, like in the story of Esther, we wouldn't have the story of Ruth. In Ruth chapter 2 verse 10 and 11, So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, Why have I found favor in your eyes that you should take notice of me since I am a foreigner?

She knew she had two strikes against her already. What Jewish man of his station would recognize her, would even speak to her? Comes the answer. And Boaz answered and said to her, It has been fully reported to me all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth and have come to a people whom you did not know before. The Lord repay your work, and a full reward be given to you by Yahweh, God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge. That's what stood out.

That's the kind of speech you can't, you struggle to write, and he just, off the cuffs, gives it right out. It's been reported to me what kind of woman you are. So we read nothing of Ruth's beauty, outward beauty, in the scripture. But we read much of her inward beauty.

That's what stands out. A genuine sweetheart in the eyes of men and in the eyes of God. You say, Well, pastor, I love those stories too, but I'm having a hard time in my life. There's so many struggles. My husband is just, you know, this and that.

He's probably saying he might be saying the same things about you because that's how it often is. When mankind fell into sin and God addressed the woman, he said to her, he gave, he said, There are a series of things that are now going to happen, Eve, because of this sin. Genesis 3 to the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow at your conception.

In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Well, the rule over you, of course, you will be subject to him. God has to say that at this point because sin has now made this an issue. But where he says your desire shall be for your husband, he means you are going to want his authority. The way we know that because we come to Genesis chapter four and it says God now speaking to Cain.

Of course, his offering was rejected. And God said to him in the midst of Cain's pouting, If you do well, will you not be accepted? If you do not do well, sin lies at the door and its desire is for you.

But you should rule over it. We're so glad you tuned in today to study the book of First Peter on Cross Reference Radio. Cross Reference Radio is the daily radio ministry of Pastor Rick Gaston of Calvary Chapel in Mechanicsville, Virginia. And we're blessed to bring you God's word with each broadcast. If you'd like more information about this program or want to listen to additional teachings from Pastor Rick, please visit our website, crossreferenceradio.com. We also encourage you to subscribe to our podcast so you'll never have to miss a program. Just search for Cross Reference Radio in iTunes, Google Play Music or your favorite podcast app. We hope you'll tune in again next time to join us as we continue our study through the scriptures right here on Cross Reference Radio.