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Wisdom for Relationships (ft. Nicole Shah)

Clearview Today / Abidan Shah
The Truth Network Radio
June 11, 2024 7:00 am

Wisdom for Relationships (ft. Nicole Shah)

Clearview Today / Abidan Shah

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June 11, 2024 7:00 am

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In this episode of Clearview Today, Dr. Shah talks with his wife Nicole about how to navigate relationships and understands God’s will.

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Where's my Mountain Dew? You're listening to Clearview Today with Dr. Abbadan Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm Ryan Hill.

I'm John Galantis. You can find more information about our show by visiting Or if you have any questions for Dr. Shah or suggestions for new topics, send us a text to 252-582-5028, or you can email us at contact at

That's right, and we want you guys to help us keep the conversation moving forward. You can do that by supporting the show. You can share it online with your friends and family. You can leave us a good five-star review on iTunes or Spotify, anywhere you get your podcasting content from.

We'll leave a couple of links in the description so you can do just that. The verse of the day today is coming to you from Ephesians chapter 6, verse 11. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

This is every man's favorite verse, because it's rough and tough, and I'm going to put on the whole armor of God. It really is one of the most spectacular analogies for the Christian life, because every day is a battle, and we don't think about that. We think of it as just trying to get through, right? It's not really a battle. It's survival of the fittest.

Just hold my head above water, pray, I'll see you the next day. But it really is a battle, and we don't fight on our own power. We fight praying to God, and so putting on the whole armor of God means really he's the one doing that fighting for us. And it would be foolish of you to enter combat unprepared, not dressed for warfare. We have the tools, we have the armor, we have the sword, we have the shield.

It's all been laid out for us expertly by Paul in Ephesians, and it's been provided to us through our relationship with Christ. If we don't put on our armor, and we don't pick up our weapon before we head into warfare, I mean, you know how that would work if you went into a combat zone if you were not dressed for war. So make sure that as you wake up every day, as the spiritual leader of your household, especially for men, put on the whole armor of God. This verse isn't just for men. This is women and children as well. Put on the whole armor of God, because you are, like the song says, you're a Christian soldier.

That's right, and it's not just you doing it. There are people and tools here to help you do it, and one of them is today's partial sponsor of the show, the Date the Word app. That's where all these verses on the Clear View Today show are coming from.

You can download that app for free right now on iPhone or Android. Every single day connects today's date to God's word with the hope of making it more memorable for you. This is not related to the verse at all. Well, it is kind of, but I have a footnote in mine. The word wiles, the wiles of the devil, I have a footnote that says, it can also be the word schemings, but that's one of those words that we don't see written out very often, so I was looking at it, I was like, shemings? What is a shemings? Oh, see? Like, the shemings of the devil. I was like, what does that mean?

Shemings, yeah, that's what it looks like. Yeah, that's kind of a little mini gripe. Yeah, a little peek behind the curtain.

A little peek behind the proverbial footnote curtain. We are going to move on to our segment called the gripe vine. Welcome to the gripe vine! Why are you giggling? Don't giggle through the gripe. Hold on one second.

I tried to write the sound effects word. Oh, sad day. Okay, so here's what we're going to do. David had a gripe that I thought was nonsense. I'll go ahead and admit, I was wrong on this. I thought that nobody was going to think that this was a gripe.

Turns out, everybody dislikes this. So David, I'm going to give you the floor. Okay, imagine this. He had to gear up.

This really rustles his jimmies. I'm going to take you on a journey with me. Ooh, okay. There it was. There it was.

It was really delayed. It was kind of funny. Imagine you're 18. Okay. Okay.

You're going out for a prom get together. Sure. As you do.

No problem. Yeah, I went to Cheesecake Factory. Okay, I'm telling the story. Okay, go ahead. You are thinking you're going to a fancy restaurant. Of course. Like the Cheesecake Factory, of course.

So you get out of the limo. Where are you at? You're at Kanki. Oh, sure. So this is one of those Japanese steakhouse places that cooks in front of you. Right. So they do the grill. Ours is Kanki, but there are plenty of others by whatever name. Lots of other names, yeah.

But same concept, sure. So they cook in front of you. They put on a show.

They do a little thing. Put on a show. Okay. You sit down. Your cook comes out.

He greets you. Then he just cooks. Huh? What does he mean, put on a show?

What does that mean? Have you not ever... Oh, you probably haven't ever been to one of these. I don't eat Asian food. They're like juggling utensils and he lights his hat on fire and tosses the shrimp in somebody's mouth and makes an onion volcano. In the kitchen? No, right there at the table.

He cooks on a flat grill in front of the table. My gripe is if you work at a restaurant that does that, I don't care if you feel bad that day. You have to put on a show because that is what I'm paying for. Absolutely.

David, I'm with you on this one. I've looked back in the past or not even in the past, but I've looked back and I've thought about this and the thing is those restaurants, they're not that fancy. You're paying a lot of money, not because it's fancy food.

It's literally just a glorified Japanese restaurant. Yeah. You're paying for the entertainment. What you pay for is the show. Yes. I agree with you.

I've never been to a restaurant like this, so the only thing I've got going for me is my imagination. Nicholas, are you with this? They need to put on a show? He's saying, yeah.

He's nodding, yeah. Absolutely. I reached this gripe vine yesterday.

I said, I don't think that's a gripe that many people can relate to. Boy, howdy, was I wrong. 100%. Everybody hates it when the cook just does his job. Yep. Absolutely.

Imagine this. Let me put it to you like this. His job is a show.

Yes, I agree with you. He's not just a chef. He's a performer. You sit down at the restaurant with people you don't even know? Right. Because it's a table.

It's a table for like 15 to 20 people. You're with strangers? Yeah. I wouldn't be complaining about the cook.

I'd be complaining about that. Yeah, but you're watching a show. Yeah. It's like going- I've got to see one of these because I have no frame of reference here.

Well, I'm trying to help you. All right. First thing happens, the guy comes out and he takes his knives and he starts it like a beat. He starts like making some kind of like musical beat. It's like stomp? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And then he brings out an egg. He tosses it in the air, catches it on a spatula. He tosses it up a few times, twirls it, and then he throws it up and then it lands perfectly on the spatula.

But it lands in such a way that the egg cracks and the yolks run out. Now he's cooking eggs. This is a cool thing he did.

All right. He does all this. And then what happens next?

He puts out rice on the table to start cooking. He makes it into some kind of shape, normally a heart. He puts a spatula under it and he hits the spatula so it looks like- Like the heart's beating. Yep. Yeah. And then he has to add the onions and everything, right? So what he does is he chops them up into little rings. He puts them and stacks them on top of each other, pours a bunch of oil in, and then lights it on fire and it looks like a volcano. Yep.

Wow. There's a whole thing- He lights his hat on fire? No, he throws utensils into his hat. I got you.

He tosses a bowl up and it lands in his hat and he tosses things into his hat. That's what's supposed to happen. Yeah.

But imagine- That he just cooks dinner. Yeah. Like imagine going to Dixie Stampede and they just serve you dinner. Yeah. They don't drop the horse out. There's no show. There's nothing. Yeah. That's a good point.

Like medieval times, but nothing happens. It's just, here's your plate of food. If you ever encountered this at one of these Japanese style restaurants, hibachi style restaurants and there's no show, write in and let us know. You may be entitled to compensation. Yeah, write in your one star review to us instead of to the restaurant.

You may be entitled to financial compensation. 252-582-5028 or you can visit us online at Stay tuned. We'll be right back. Hello Clearview family. I'm Nicole.

And I'm David. And we want to talk to you today about the Clearview app. You know, there are so many churches out there that put their sermons on YouTube and their announcements on Facebook and their prayer lists on Periscope.

I didn't even know Periscope was still functional. Oh, it's not. And that's why nobody can find their church's prayer list and nobody's prayers be getting answered. But here at Clearview, we believe in making our content as accessible as possible. That's right. Clearview produces so much content every single week, including Dr. Shah's sermons, original music, a full online store, weekly prayer gatherings, and so much more. Not to mention the number one best selling Christian talk show of all time.

I don't know if that's accurate. Well, maybe not yet, but that's why we want people to download the app. If you're listening from the Triangle area, we encourage you to check out Clearview Church in person. But if not, you can still follow all of our content on the Clearview app.

It's 100% free on the Apple Store and Google Play Store. And best of all, all of our content is right there in one convenient spot. Make sure you download the Clearview app today, and let's get back to the show. Welcome back to Clearview Today with Dr. Abbadan Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ. You can visit us online at, or if you have any questions or suggestions for new topics, send us a text at 252-582-5028.

That's right. We're here once again in the Clearview Today studio with Dr. Abbadan Shah, who is a PhD with New Testament textual criticism, professor at Carolina University, author, full-time pastor, and host of today's show alongside perma-guest, drum roll, please. It's Nicole. Nicole, what up? What up? What up?

Wow. Good to see you, Nicole. It's good to see you, too. That's the warmest welcome we've ever given.

A lot of fanfare. That's the warmest welcome we've ever given any guest on the show. We've had Michael Whiteley on the show. We've had Sandy Smith on the show. Who's another big name we've had on the show? Stu Epperson himself on the show.

David Lane. I don't think any of them got a welcome as warm as that. Oh, well, I feel privileged then. It was nice and toasty.

I want to ask you guys a question. When you go to a Japanese restaurant, like a Kanki or like one of those restaurants where they go in and they cook the food in front of you. I didn't know this was like a big thing.

And you sit at the table with strangers and they just cook the food and they don't put on a show. Does that annoy you? I never really thought about it. Have we ever? Has that ever even happened to you? We did.

We have gone. Yeah. They kind of have this thing and they pop the shrimp and it sits up there.

I don't know how to get it back around. I forgot now. And then they like something like that. They do that?

Does it bother you? It's been a while back. Well, there are some foods that I like, Nicole doesn't like, so we don't go there. Really?

Like what? No, I do like Japanese food. Right.

You don't like Chinese food, though. What's the difference? There is difference. It is different. So if you went to dinner and quote unquote a show, because I don't consider that dinner in a show, but Ryan and David feel very, very different. It absolutely is a show.

Dr. Shah, if you went and they didn't perform for you. It wasn't good. It's not the same. No. You got to have a show.

Because the fanfare is part of it. Yes. Yeah. I'm telling you.

I told him that he don't want to put them on blast. Japanese people are like, we don't like you. I like the food, but the hibachi type food, what flavor does it have? I don't eat it. I wouldn't eat it. I mean, it's just stir fry.

That's really it. It's some sauce on it. So not to say that Japanese food is not good. I like Japanese food.

Every time we go, we have it. I like Chinese food. Chinese food may have more flavor, but then again, that's not really Chinese food from China. Right.

True. I think it's probably Chinese food that's made here. And so it is a little different made for the American palate. Just like Mexican food in Mexico.

I've been to Mexico three times, three times, two times, twice, twice on mission trips. And we went to the Yucatan Peninsula and the Mexican food there was different. How radically different? Like very different? Different. Different. Unrecognizable as what we would consider Mexican food.

Yeah. Things that I wouldn't have expected that to be Mexican food. Like we went to this one roadside, like a rest area, which does not look anything like a rest area here. This is up in the mountains. This is where some places there is not even electricity, but this is 10 years ago. So maybe there is electricity now.

And so we walked in there and just a family and our guide, not our guide, our leader, the pastor, he said, hey, so, you know, Spanish, we got 15 people. And she's like, okay. So they went and caught the chicken. Just right there?

Right there, killed the chicken. How about fresh? Yeah, it was fresh.

It's as fresh as it gets. How long between chicken's head coming off and you guys eating do you think it was? It was a good 45 minutes. Man.

That's it? Less than an hour? My dinner was alive an hour ago. Yeah. 45 minutes, maybe an hour. This plate of food was thinking an hour ago? Yeah.

So about an hour at the most. The freshest. And so that's... Were you there for that? No, I never went to Mexico.

Rebecca went with me. But that food tasted different. I can imagine. It looked different. There was some rice in it. The chicken was, I mean, it was really tasty. It had sauce in it, like red sauce. So nothing like this. So going back to Japanese food, it's good.

But it's not something that I would be like, oh my goodness. So many flavors. So you mainly just go for the show.

So really, if you go and they don't perform for you, it's like, what did I even come for? I like sushi. I like sushi.

Japanese, right? Sushi is good. But it's not something like, oh my goodness, I'm going to eat some sushi today. It's kind of funny because we, and this is kind of what we're talking about today, but when you have a spouse, when you have someone that you're married to, people like to put you in those boxes where you got to like the same things all the time. But then you realize that just because you don't like the same things, God still has designed that special person that's just for you. You know what I mean? Like, and it's just kind of funny that you're two different people with two different likes and personalities.

And yet you're one. It's a mystery, I guess. That's right.

It is a mystery. Just like food. Yeah, just like food.

You'd be poking at it. I don't know what that is. That's right. But you know, some people will balk at that concept or kind of disagree with that.

There is one person out there for you that God has created, but we're going to talk some more about that today. Can I just say, before we move on, that was a great segue on my part. I'm going to do that for myself. Well done. Good job.

I usually box the segue. I was impressed. No, that was good. I couldn't have done it without reading Dr. Shaw's notes point for point.

I couldn't have done it without cheating. Dr. Shaw, in light of that word I'm going to talk about today, what is the daily encouragement for our listeners and our viewers? So for those who are in a marriage or they're looking at marriage or they are hoping for a relationship, just know that marriage is not ultimately about your happiness.

That's what people think. It's about my happiness. It's about our happiness and also about the happiness it brings to God. So when people say, hey, this relationship didn't make me happy, or I'm not happy anymore. Well, what is happiness?

Yeah, true. What is happiness? If happiness is about you, then just stay single, please. Yeah, you'll find plenty of happiness there.

It won't last very long. Yeah, you stay single, be by yourself, have your own life. But if you want to be in a relationship, then it's about bringing joy to the other person and ultimately bringing joy to God.

That's right. I just want to revisit that line. If your happiness is primarily about you, just stay single. You may as well just stay single. Everybody, catch it, grab it, hold on to it. Grab it, put it in your pocket. In fact, I've got to give it one more. I've got to give it one more. Hold on to it. It's going to be important, not let that happen. What about you, Nicole?

What is your daily encouragement for the people listening? That's kind of in that same vein. I kind of agree. I do agree with Abedon, but also as well as, you know, it is important that you realize that marriage is for the other person's happiness, but also God is using it to make us holy.

That's true. So, I mean, he is concerned about our happiness, but more concerned about our holiness. And I heard somewhere one time that your spouse is holy sandpaper. What does that mean?

It means they help knock off the rough edges. That's that special person that God has given you. And it's kind of funny because, you know, we think about when God molds me, when God makes me into the man or the woman I'm supposed to be, he's the only one who gets to do it.

We don't think about the people, especially our spouses, that he puts in our life to do that. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. There's a scripture in Proverbs, Proverbs 18, 22, which says, he who finds a wife finds a good things and obtains a favor from the Lord. And so finding that person is a good thing.

Yeah. I feel like a lot of husbands in America need to hear that today because I know ever since I can remember, anytime I've ever turned on the TV, any sitcom, any TV family, anything that portrays a husband and a wife is always contention. You know, it's played up as humor, but there's never peace.

Because if there's peace, you don't have a show. You always got to have conflict. And so it's going to always come in the form of the marriage. And then you can always turn that feminine.

She who finds a husband finds a good thing and obtains a favor from the Lord. Very true. Very true.

And I find it interesting though, as we were talking about this, that why is it when we know that there is contention and we know that there is, you know, that you're bringing two different people with two different personalities, as you brought up earlier, John, two different opinions under the same roof. And we have this idea that we're going to live happily ever after. Right. Yeah.

There's going to be sunshine and rainbows and puppy dogs every moment of the day. And I don't, I don't understand how we, how we propagate that idea and not tell, you know, cause I, I walked into marriage thinking that it was going to be a fairytale and it soon, you soon realize, I mean really soon you realize, wait a minute, this is not the fairytale I signed up for. Christians see the picture the world has painted of marriage and we try to map ourselves onto it in the Christian context when God really has something completely different in mind for our marriages.

Yeah. You know, so when you're looking for a spouse or you're looking for a relationship, or if you're married and you're looking at the other person, whether it's two months, two years, 20 years, 50 years, how do you think about marriage? Understand God's design for marriage. Marriage reflects God's image.

True. And when it says in Genesis 1 27, so God created man in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them. So we often think it's just Adam was made in God's image, male and female, he created them. Right. So both male and female reflect God's image, but not in the way we would think. It's not that God is like both male and female. Right. It's not that God is not.

God has chosen to relate with us in the masculine, because masculine represents strength, masculine represents leadership. Order. Order. You know, that's how he wants authority. That's what he wants to do. And I know our world is upside down. So that like really is like fingernails on chalkboard when somebody says that.

But that's how God has made us. Right. And this is not leadership or authority in a domineering way or an abusive way. This is leadership willing to die for you. This is authority that is willing to be held accountable for what's happening in the family and not just be like, well, she did that. No, you are accountable.

Authority means accountability. But when it says God created them in his own image, this is referring more to the Trinity. How three persons come together and yet there is one God.

Yeah. Right. We don't worship three gods. Trinity is not three gods. Trinity is three persons, Father, Son, Spirit, yet they are one.

Right. One essence, three persons. So also in a marriage, you have two persons coming together and becoming one and yet they retain their personalities. They don't just merge into one another and the woman doesn't lose herself in the man and the man doesn't just lose himself in the woman. They're still individuals and yet they are distinct. Yet they are united. Right. That's what I meant to say.

I think I heard someone say this one time. It might've been you, but I think someone said men and women fundamentally are the same. They're more alike than they are different. But the differences aren't negligible.

In fact, they're very beautiful and we're trying to neutralize the differences as much as possible. I even think about homosexuality. People are like, well, what is the big deal? But it's a misrepresentation of who God is. It's like, well, and that's the defense you always hear.

Well, what is it bothering you? It's like, ultimately it's not. It's an offense to God.

Yes. Because marriage is supposed to reflect God. What you have done is you have equalized the father, the father of the father.

That doesn't work. That's not the Trinity. Three persons of the father in the Trinity or three sons in the Trinity or three holy spirits in the Trinity can do that. But we're also looking at the fact that homosexuality is a sin in the eyes of God. So how can God be even?

Yeah, how can you say that this is my image? How can he be even represented in something that is a sin? It goes against the design and I think that's what people often misrepresent or misunderstand about that conviction. Well, it reminds us that marriage belongs to God. It's God's institution. It's not what the world has made it or what the world has tried to redefine it as.

It's not something to throw away. Marriage is a sacred union. Yes, it's a legal union as well, but it is a sacred union because it originated with God. Isn't there a verse on that where it's like you take the creation and worship it rather than the creator? Or am I making that up? No.

Is there? Yeah. It was like God gave you something and then you're just like, okay, this is- Romans chapter one. Romans one, where it's like, okay, I've given you this. I've given you marriage. And I was like, cool, this is mine. This is good. It's like, yes, that's good because I gave it to you. It's like, no, no, no. We can build it and we can make this into something else.

We can build on it. I'm trying to formulate my thought, but it's basically not worshiping marriage, but it's taking marriage as our own, elevating it up to a status where it's for all people and all sexualities. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What we're saying is whether you believe in God or not, some people don't believe in God. They think we're just a product of evolution, this ascent of man or whatever. I call it the descent of man. And then we have this institution that has developed through millions and billions of years called marriage or millions of years, and that now we can improve on it or we can tamper with it as long as it brings us pleasure.

That's how people equate that. As long as it brings pleasure, it must not be wrong. Well, for one, it's that evolution that has given us the institution of marriage. It is God who put the first man and the first woman together.

It's his institution. Secondly, just because something gives pleasure does not make it right because there's also distorted pleasure. It comes from the evil that's within us. We tend to forget that the heart is desperately wicked, and so we're the ones that are distorting it rather than... We're exchanging the truth, this Romans 1.25, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie and worship and serve the creature rather than the creator who is blessed forever. Amen. Amen. That's how marriages around them fall apart, marriages that they might have deemed as good or healthy.

It brought some hurt to them. Right. So it's like, I don't want to go through that hurt.

Why do I have to endure this? Yeah. I'm just not going to get married. Yeah. I may just live with the person. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I get the same benefits, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Just play marriage. Just pretend. Just play marriage.

It's like there's no need to put it down on paper. I love you. You love me. That should be enough.

That should be enough. If it doesn't work out, we can always... Yeah. Splitsville.

Splitsville. But you see what we're doing in the process? We are tampering with a very sacred institution. Right. That's true. And just because fire doesn't fall from heaven and consume you, we think, oh, no big deal. No consequences.

No harm done. Mm-hmm. It's just because we're not paying the consequences right away. Well, I guess that kind of comes into it too, that judgment to come, where we've kind of tricked ourselves.

It used to take false teachers and stuff to come into the church to tell us, but now it's like we've almost tricked ourselves into thinking that the judgment isn't going to come. Yeah. Because we're not being taught that, from the pulpit, that this is still the sacred act of marriage. Right. And so now we're even... I don't know if we're duping ourselves or if we're just buying into the world's definition of it, but there's an entire generation of Christians coming up who are just cluelessly walking into the slaughter of what their marriage is going to become.

Yeah. Because marriage, of course, reflects God's image, but also is a gift for companionship. I mean, if you can't look at your spouse and say that that person is my best friend, then you've missed an integral part of marriage. Because I've told my children over and over again, you better make sure that that person is your best friend, because there are going to be days when you roll over and look at that person and go, I don't know if I love you right now, but because I made that commitment because you're my best friend, we're going to work through this, and the feelings will come back. But you need that friend, you need that person that you can tell anything to.

I think we have bought into this thing where... And I do agree, I think women need women friends and men need men friends, but you can tell your spouse anything, and they have promised to love you unconditionally, no matter what. Yeah. If you look at how God made Eve, he put a deep sleep on Adam, or put Adam in a deep sleep, and then he took from his side, it doesn't necessarily say rib, he took from his side, and he fashioned Eve, and he brought her to the man. So she is part of him. What a powerful imagery, she has the same essence as he does. And so when men and women come together, it's almost like they are becoming one again. And that's what marriage is, becoming one. But how often in a marriage do people see themselves as, he is part of me, and I'm part of her, and we are one. That's, I would say, a healthy marriage, where it's not like I need you, and she needs me, or we're just independent, neither of those things are good. But when you are independent, and yet you lean on each other, that's the key.

And learning how to balance that, learning how to negotiate that, and understand it, and live with the other person with that love and that compassion, is the interdependent marriage. That could be, I feel like that could be a show all on its own, discussing those three types of relationships. I think we should. If today was helpful for you, write in and let us know, 252-582-5028, or you can visit us online at Don't forget, you can partner with us financially on that same website.

Every gift that you give goes not only in the building of this radio show, but countless other ministries for the sake of the gospel. John, what's coming up on tomorrow's episode? Tomorrow, we're going to actually, this is kind of crazy, we're going to hop on a plane.

Whoa, my. Hop on an airplane, we're going to shoot across the sky, 30,000 feet in the air. We're going to see you guys in Cody, Wyoming, because we're about to take off on our staff retreat. We're still going to.

We're still going to bring you an episode, so don't fret, don't pout. We're going to be coming at you live from, I was going to say the West Coast, but it's not on the West Coast. It's still on the western side. From the west.

Yeah. We'll be doing the cowboy mode. We'll see you there. Yeah, make sure you guys tune in. We'll see you tomorrow on
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-06-11 08:17:53 / 2024-06-11 08:32:37 / 15

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