Today on the verdict with Pastor John Monroe. Thousands of books have been written and countless seminars conducted. on the family and family life, but I believe that nothing can improve on the crystallized wisdom of these verses. And in these verses, Paul emphasizes: you will notice, not a right. Paul doesn't emphasize our rights, he emphasizes our responsibilities in the home.
Welcome to The Verdict with Pastor John Monroe. Broken families and unhappy homes are all too common. And there's no shortage of people writing books on what's gone wrong or giving seminars on how to improve. But today on the verdict, we're going back to God's plan for the family to understand God's design for the Christian at home. Does the gospel really work in everyday life?
to begin this important discussion. Here's Pastor John Monroe. Over the last generation, there's been a tremendous change in family life in Western Europe and North America. It seems that parents are disciplining their children less and less. While some of the discipline in previous generations was unduly harsh, it now seems that many parents don't believe in any discipline.
Adults and their children have less regard for authority and, in some cases, are encouraged to rebel against authority. Divorce is looked on as a normal part of life. Promiscuity is rife, unwanted pregnancies. sexually transmitted diseases, pornography, Drug addiction and overdoses have reached crisis proportions. Today we're dealing with the important subject of the Christian at home.
as we look at Colossians chapter 3. Family life is not easy. Conflict and problems in the home have reached. epidemic proportions. Many homes are places of anger, frustration and alienation.
Many marriages in our society end in divorce. We're told that one out of three children in America grows up without a father.
Something is seriously wrong. in our homes.
So perhaps it's time we got back to the Bible and consider God's plan for the family. And I ask you to open your Bibles to Colossians chapter 3. We're making our way through this wonderful little epistle. And come to Colossians 3 verses 18 through 21. In verse 17, as we saw last time, Paul says, Whatever you do, In word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
That is all of life, whether at work. Whether in the home, whether in the church, or in society, everything must be brought under the lordship of Jesus Christ. Thousands of books have been written and countless seminars conducted. on the family and family life, but I believe that nothing can improve on the crystallized wisdom of these verses. And as we read them, I ask you this question: Does the gospel of Jesus Christ really work in everyday life?
Is the gospel of Jesus Christ making a radical difference in your home? Let's read then Colossians 3 verses 18 through Twenty one. Wives, submit to your husbands. as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Children? Obey your parents and everything, for this Pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children. Unless they become discouraged. Four verses: one for wives, one for husbands, one for children, and one for fathers.
Our subject is The Christian At home. And in these verses, Paul emphasizes, you will notice not a right. We're so concerned with our rights, aren't we? But Paul doesn't emphasize our rights, but rather our duties. He emphasizes our responsibilities in the home.
That is what we are to give and do rather than what we should receive from other people. That shouldn't surprise us because basic to the Christian faith as we follow Jesus Christ is not to be self-centered and self-focused, but other focused. Remember Paul says in Philippians 2, verse 3, we are in humility to count others as more significant than ourselves. That's a difficult principle, and it's particularly difficult In the home.
Now how this principle Works out in the home is seen in these Let's look first of all At verse 18. where we will learn of submissive wives. Verse 18, wives Anywise here today? Here's God's word to you: Submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. What's the duty of the wife?
According to Paul, it is to submit. It is very, very clear. Wives, submit to your husbands. Now, Paul is not saying that all women are to be in submission to all men. He's not saying that women in the marketplace, the workplace, cannot be supervisors or leaders or employers of men.
No, men and women, we know from scripture, stand equal before God. This is not a matter of inferiority or superiority. This submission that Paul is addressing here to the wives is very, very specific. It is, wives, submit to your husbands.
Now we tend not to like this word submission, but submission is to be the lifestyle of all Christians. One of the things that characterized our Lord on earth was that he was submissive to his heavenly father. Over and over again, we read in the Gospels our Lord saying words to these effects, I've come not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me. We see the wonderful submission of our Lord as he comes to this earth in obedience to his Father. When Paul is setting out the overflow of the filling of the Spirit in Ephesians chapter 5, in verse 21 he says we are to submit to one another in reverence for Christ.
That is, an attitude of submission, an attitude of humility is to characterize all Christians and will be apparent in different circumstances and relationships. But specifically, and this is what we're thinking about: in the Christian home, wives are to submit to their husbands.
Some of you don't like me saying that, but that's what the scripture is saying.
Now what do we mean by submission? The submission of a wife is a willingness for the wife to yield to her husband out of love for him. It is a surrender of her interests in marriage to those of her husband. Paul is saying that the wife's goal in marriage, then, is to put her husband's needs above her own. You may recall, we looked at Genesis three some time ago.
And because of the fall, the wife in her fallenness, in her depravity, desires to master her husband. But, says Paul, she is to submit to him. About 10 years ago, Laura Doyle, a non-Christian, wrote a book entitled The Surrendered Wife, A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with a Man. That's quite a title, isn't it? Doyle believes that wives ought to give up their struggle to gain power and control over their husbands, and, she says, to surrender.
But Paul is not advocating that wives surrender to their husbands. The command For the wives is not to surrender, it is not submersion of the wife's personality and identity, but it is rather to submit. Surrender is giving up oneself into the power or the control of someone else. Submission, on the other hand, certainly Christian submission, is a voluntarily yielding to the authority of someone else. That is, the duty of the wife is not to surrender.
but to be a godly partner in this wonderful marriage, retaining her own personality, her own individuality, her gifts, her talents, while yielding to the husband as the leader in the marriage in a context of mutual love. and respect. The message paraphrase in verse 18 says that wives are to understand and support your husbands. I think that is far too weak. That sounds to me rather politically correct, with all due respect to the paraphrase.
Paul is saying much, much more than wives should understand and support and respect their husbands. Of course, they should. He is saying, verse 18: wives submit. To your husbands. The form of the verb submit suggests that the wife's submission is to be.
Voluntary. Children are commanded to obey their parents, but wives are not commanded to obey their husbands. No, this submission is not to be demanded by. a kind of insecure, dictatorial, harsh husband. Nor is it to be sullenly and passively accepted by a wife.
No, a godly wife Led by the Spirit of God, she will joyfully respect and affirm her husband's leadership in the marriage. Part of the problem in the Christian home Is not that wives don't submit to their husbands, I'm sure some don't, but part of the problem is that some men who are very effective leaders at work. are rather poor leaders at home.
Now notice in verse 18 In this short verse, how much Paul puts into it. Notice the motivation to submit. Wives, submit to your husbands. As is fitting. In the Lord.
Isn't that interesting? I remember reading an article which said that 71% of women. say their husbands get on their nerves more than their children do. I wonder if that's true here. I was going to ask the wives to put up their hand if they felt that they're.
Husbands got on their nerves more than their children, but that might not help our homes. Submission. It's not a matter of power, it's not a matter of control. No, the wife's submission to her husband is the divinely appointed order in a Christian family. It is fitting.
In the Lord. Part of the submission of a wife to the lordship of Christ. Is this submission to her husband? Wives, God is pleased. When you submit.
to your husbands.
Now the husband's duty in verse 19. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Here is the husband's duty to love. That can hardly, when you think of it, can hardly ever be thought of as an easier command than the wives. In the ancient world and in many parts of the world today, men don't marry out of love.
They may marry to have children. to advance their careers, to have pleasure, to accumulate wealth. Goody and I were with friends the other night, and we're talking about Prince Charles, why he married. Diana, and he really, it appears, didn't marry her out of love. His love was elsewhere, he married her to have children.
And because she was a virgin, a poor reason to get married, isn't it? No. It is out of love. Paul's teaching here was thought of as very radical in the ancient world. What is the duty of husbands?
It's to love their wives. Why do men have to be told to love their wives rather than wives being told to love their husbands? Because of the fall, men tend to dominate and domineer. And so this command to love is very necessary. Husbands are commanded to love their wives with an agape love.
This is the love of John 3:16, for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. This is the love of Ephesians 5:25, that Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Husbands? We are to love our wives with this costly sacrificial love, a love Which gives? A love which continues to give even when it is not returned.
It is a love, of course, supremely modeled by our Savior, Jesus Christ. This is the love of 1 Corinthians 13. A love man which is patient, usually not our most. Dominant characteristic in marriage. But this is a love that we are to love our wives, which is patient, which is kind, says Paul, which is not envious, it's not boastful, it's not arrogant or rude.
It is a love which does not insist on its own way, says Paul. It's not irritable. It's not resentful. It doesn't rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. This is a love, says Paul, which bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
This love, says Paul, never fails. That is the love. Husbands? that we are to love our wife. That's what Paul is saying.
Husbands love Your wife.
Now there is also with the command there is a command a duty not to be harsh Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them If the tendency of some women is to be manipulative or controlling or nagging, The tendency of many men is to be domineering, harsh and insensitive. Be harsh. has the basic sense of making Better. And I found that some husbands are bitter, angry. Abusive and harsh.
They are not loving their wives. and children. Instead of encouraging them, caring for them, helping them to realize their potential, The husband rather picks. on his wife and his children. I know some men who compare their wife unfavourably with other women.
They're never happy with the way their way their wife looks, the way she dresses, the way she acts, the way she talks. This is the very opposite of what Paul is saying. We are to love our wives with a tender Sensitive, self-sacrificial love. Remember, Peter says in First Peter three, verse seven. That men are to treat their wives with sensitivity in an understanding way.
as a fellow heir of the grace of God, so that our prayers are not hindered. We have to be reminded, man, over and over again. that we are to be sensitive. Understanding. Caring.
loving. Two wives. I'm sure I'm speaking to some husbands. who perhaps are bitter. and harsh and angry against their wives.
Perhaps you've begun to resent your wife for some reason. You may never have forgiven her for something, you're you're angry or you're withdrawn. You are no longer providing that loving, sensitive leadership in your home. If that's the case, here is the word of God to you, men. Do you hear it?
Husbands? Love your wives. And do not be harsh. with them. Men who love their wives are not bitter or harsh.
Howard Hendricks, professor at Dallas Seminary, tells the story of two rams who met each other in a narrow mountain pass. He says there was not enough room for both to continue, so they spent a considerable amount of time butting heads as each tried to seize the advantage.
Sound familiar? I don't mean butting head against a ram, but Mm-hmm. Eventually, one of the rams realized that they were at an impasse and chose to kneel. allowing the other ram to climb over him. Says Hendricks, his humility resulted in mutual benefits as each ram could then continue.
His journey. Any marriages here where There's butting of heads. What's the problem? Alack. of humility.
Submissive wives and loving husbands, equals before God, are to place the needs of each other above their own.
So Peter writes in 1 Peter 5. To all of us, clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility towards one another. That is so key in marriage, isn't it? A humble. Attitude.
A wife who has an attitude of submission. A husband who is an attitude of this loving, self-sacrificial Love. Says Paul, says Peter. Clothe yourself with this humility. For God opposes the proud.
but gives grace to the humble. Often when I meet with couples who have marital problems, I I read this verse to them. Because so often We're concerned about proving who's right. And someone will have ten reasons. Why is their partner wrong, and the other will have 15 reasons why they're right, and the other partner is wrong.
And there's the budding of heads. Rather than a humble attitude. God is always opposed to the proud. And many a husband is proud. But he gives grace.
to the humble.
Now there is an injunction verse twenty to children. We have first, submissive wives, secondly, loving husbands, third, obedient children. Verse 20, children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases. The Lord. Incidentally, can I say That This book, Colossians, would have been read to the church at Colossae, which meant that children were there for the reading of the word of God.
That's why I believe it is so important that children are in public worship. And I've emphasized that in the past. And as I emphasize it, every time I emphasize it, there is some mother or there is some father who email me or call me or speak to me and say, our children are too young to come into public worship. I don't agree with that at all. Children are part, we're part of the church.
Paul is writing and giving particular. Instructions to children. Children? Obey your parents in everything. For this Pleases.
The Lord. Is it difficult for a child? To obey their parents. Of course it is. Just as it's difficult for a wife sometimes to submit to her husband, just as it's difficult sometimes for A husband to love his wife.
Two weeks ago when I dealt with the traitor within indwelling sin. In fact, a week ago. I asked the children, the third through fifth graders, Uh what particular sin? they were struggling with. Can you guess what was the most common one?
as well as beating up their little brother. That was pretty high in the list. The other one was disobeying. They're parents. particularly their mom.
This is very practical, isn't it? What does God want from children? To obey. Their parents. Honor your father, your mother, Exodus 20, part of the Ten Commandments, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Children, God wants you to obey your parents.
Now I think of the meaning of obedience. Paul is assuming that parents take personal responsibility for the spiritual training of their children. Parents, as we thought of this morning, are to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, Ephesians 6. Don't leave that responsibility to others. Don't leave it to the school, don't leave it to the church.
We want to help parents do this, but the primary responsibility. For the spiritual training of children is given to the parents. Parents have a God-given responsibility to teach their children the Word of God, values, standards, and the Word of God. Children, are to obey their parents. They are to obey their parents when their parents tell them to go to church.
Now we have parents in our society obeying children As to where they should worship. Parents have a right to tell children what television programmes they can and can't see. when to impose a curfew. to ban certain music. To prevent them putting five earrings in their belly button or having some wonderful cool tattoo.
On them. It's tough for children sometimes to obey. As a boy, I found it sometimes very difficult. Children can be strong-willed, argumentative and headstrong, in other words, very much like their parents. But children are to respect their parents, they are to honor them, they are to obey them.
And as long as children are at home, they are to obey their parents. I vividly remember when I was about eighteen years old During my first year at Edinburgh University, when I thought I was so smart, that I got admitted to Edinburgh University. And I was home, and I can still picture The exact place where we were in the car, and my father said something, and at 18. First year at university with all these intellectuals that you Go through your mind that you know so much more than your father. And I forget what my father said.
But I disagreed. And as I disagreed, I did it in a very disrespectful way. My dad was driving the car. And he didn't say anything, and he just looked at me. And I thought, Whoa.
Did I actually say that? to my father. That doesn't honor the Lord, does it? We are to obey our parents. Here is the motivation for this.
Pleases the Lord. When children obey their parents, when we respect our parents, we please the Lord. When we disobey our parents, when we dishonor our parents, when we're disrespectful to our parents, neglectful of our parents, we do not please. the Lord. This is the verdict, featuring the Bible teaching of Pastor John Monroe.
There's still more to hear when John returns in just a moment, so stay with us. From matters of truth and identity, to the subjects of love and grace, our world seems more confused than ever. but to find truth and certainty about who we are and find peace, we must turn our attention away from the world and look to the Word of God. To help you do that, John wrote a booklet titled Eternal Security, Finding Certainty in a Chaotic World. Through this special resource, John shares his personal testimony, along with a careful examination of Scripture, to offer us clarity on matters of eternity.
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Now, here's Pastor John Monroe.
Well, what's your verdict? On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you, if you're married, rate your marriage? Wives, how are you doing? Husbands? Are you loving your wife as Christ loved the church?
Are you bringing up your children in the nurture of the Lord? Or are you harsh and unkind to your children? God will help you as you seek to have a home God's way. It is in the home where all of our relationships begin. Join me next time as we continue thinking of the Christian at home.
Thanks for joining us today on The Verdict. I'm Michelle Davies. Today's program with Pastor John Monroe was produced and sponsored by Calvary Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.
