Wednesday, January 31st | Valuing Your Marriage (ft. Nicole Shah)

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T-O-D-A-Y. A healthier, happier you is just a click away. . Hello, everyone. Today is Wednesday, January the 31st. I'm Ryan Hill.

I'm Jon Galantis. And you're listening to Clearview Today with Dr. Abbadon Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ. You can visit us online at ClearviewTodayShow.com. If you have any questions for Dr. Shah or suggestions for new topics, send us a text at 252-582-5028. Or you can email us at contact at ClearviewTodayShow.com.

That's right. You guys can help us keep the conversation going by supporting the show. You can share it online with your friends and your family. You can leave us a good five star review on iTunes or Spotify. Absolutely nothing less for any reason imaginable.

We're going to leave a link in the description so you can do just that. Today's verse of the day is from Colossians 1-22. It says, Notice that vehicle, that pathway for us. We are able to be presented holy and blameless and above reproach because of Christ's death. It's not anything that we have brought to the table.

It's not anything that we contribute to that. It is Christ's death that enables us to be presented holy and blameless. Cause and effect is a big thing in Christianity.

I'm coming to realize that. You have to understand the why, not just the how. How does all this doctrine work?

You also have to understand why it works. And a lot of times it comes back to just who God is. His holiness. His, really I think that's the perfect word, his kingship, his majesty.

Because of who he is, he does things that benefit not only us but all of humanity. And so in the body of his flesh through death to present you holy and blameless, that's his whole goal. Not his whole goal, but that's the goal for us, is to be presented holy and blameless. And we can only do it because of his flesh through death, because of the cross. That's right.

That's right. Talking about cause and effect. If you have a cause, it will inevitably lead to an effect.

If you forget to pack a certain article of clothing, the effect is that you will not have that article of clothing to wear upon needing to wear that article of clothing. So there was a witch hoax that kind of circulated through the Clearview staff text thread. Wait a minute, a witch hoax? It was a witch hoax sort of thing, like a Salem witch hoax. Hunt?

Yeah, it was like a hunt, but it was also a hoax because it wasn't real. It never existed. It was no matter.

It's not on the elemental chart. It's not stinking there. It's not real, man. I wore my wife's pants to the gym.

Is that what you want to hear? And that was not real? It was real, but... Then who doctored the photos? Who did that? Explain it to me. So... Now explain it to me. I wore my wife's pants to the gym.

I did it. Not intentionally. Not intentionally. John didn't intend to wear women's pants at the gym. I was with David. I was with David at the gym. We went in the... We went in the... You said that twice, like that was the justification. I was with David. I was with David. We were at the gym, and I open up my gym bag.

Sure. And so we're close. We're good friends, but we're still like, listen, go to opposite sides of the... You know, we're not going to get changed right next to each other. So we go to opposite sides.

David gets in a stall. I thought that was kind of weird, but it is what it is. So...

I'm just kidding. He doesn't do that. I open up my stuff, and I put my tank top on, whatever. I go to pull the pants on. I'm like, this does not feel right. I get them up over my hips, and I'm talking about... It hurts, Ryan. It hurts. They're Ellie's pants.

Sure. And I go, this rascally wife of mine has... She's crank yanked me. She has pranked me and put her pants in the... And then I was like, okay, that's obviously not true. She just packed it wrong. Then I confronted her, and she says, I didn't pack your gym bag. You packed your gym bag. And I said, why would I have packed my gym bag? And she said, no, the question is, why would I have packed your gym bag?

And then I started thinking back, and I was like, you know what? I packed this gym bag. You packed the gym bag. I put Ellie's pants in the gym bag. And so David was like, well, okay, just put your jeans back on. And at that point, I was like, no, I have to do this. So I just did the workout in Ellie's pants.

In Ellie's pants. Yeah. Well... People looked at me like they would look at a frog man. Like, imagine if a man with a frog head came through that door right now. And just was like... And how you would look at him, that's how people looked at me. That's probably a good thing. That's probably a good thing that happened. David did not want to work out with me.

I can understand that. That's the first time in a long while that I've seen him legitimately angry. He was angry.

He was upset. Because we were working out together, and people were seeing us. Would you wear your wife's pants to the gym? No. Would you just work out in jeans? Yeah.

Or would you just go home? No, I just work out in jeans. It don't feel good. Especially if you're hitting legs. Neither is working out in women's pants. I mean... No, it didn't feel good, but I'm not working out in jeans.

I feel like you get more stares doing that. Because I don't see people working out in jeans. Oh, I've seen a bunch of people in jeans. I've seen people in their work clothes. Like, before work.

Like, they were in a polo in jeans, coming in, getting a couple sets real quick, and then going to work. Bruh, are you for real? Oh, yeah, yeah. Grab Dr. Sean and continue with our show in just a second. Very special episode today. Very special episode today. Very excited. Something brand new that we have not done yet before in the Clearview Today show. Make sure you stay tuned. Write in and let us know if you have ever had a mishap like that, packing clothes that you thought were yours, but turns out, nope. Never were. Somebody else's.

252-582-5028, or you can visit us online at ClearviewTodayShow.com. We'll be back after this. Hey, what's going on, listeners? My name is Jon.

And I'm Ellie. And we just want to take a second and let you know about Dr. Sean's new book on the market right now called Can We Recover the Original Text of the New Testament. Boy, that is a long title. True, but it's a very simple message. The original text of the New Testament is not only attainable, but there are lots of different ways that scholars go about discovering it. There's a lot of people out there saying that the original text is lost forever or that it's hopeless to actually try to find it, or that there's many texts of the New Testament. But alongside Dr. David Allen Black, Dr. Sean has actually compiled papers from some of the world's leading experts in textual criticism, including one written by himself on various methodologies for extracting the original text. And listen, if you're interested in textual criticism, this book is a great introduction to the field. You can pick up your copy on Amazon, or you can buy it from our church website.

That's ClearviewBC.org. We're going to leave a link in the description box so you can get your copy today. Love that. Ellie, let's hop back in. Let's do it. Let's do it. Welcome back to Clear View Today with Dr. Abbadan Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

You can visit us online at ClearViewTodayShow.com, or if you have any questions or suggestions for new topics, send us a text at 252-582-5028. That's right. We're here once again in the Clear View Today studio with Dr. Abbadan Shah, who is a PhD in New Testament textual criticism, professor at Carolina University, author, full-time pastor, the host of today's show, and I have confirmed in my own private study, has never worn his wife's pants to the gym. Never once. Right? What? Did you? No. No, you didn't. Oh, you have.

Yeah, so that's what we talked about. Actually, I'm glad that your wife Nicole is on the show today, because I had a bone to pick with you, because you were all in that text thread, stirring stuff up and trying to get it out. He texted me. John texted me and said, hey, what would you do if your wife packed the wrong kind of pants?

I said, what do you mean? Well, I called you. Yeah, you called me. I was like, man, that's terrible. He's like, well, that's all I have now.

So I'm wearing him. I was like, I'm scared, dude. I'm scared. I need you to come get me from the gym.

He was like, he was like, his voice, he was like, where are you right now? My question is, did you pack it or did Ellie pack it? So I thought Ellie packed it, but it turns out I packed it. According to our research. The chest determined that was a lie.

That makes sense. Have you ever been, have you ever been in that, not that situation, but have you ever been somewhere and you like packed the wrong thing or you were like, I'm, I feel like I'm kind of stuck? Um, honestly, no.

Nicole's shaking her head like, no. I'm very particular about how I pack things, because most of the times I'm traveling across the world and you can mess with that. Now, if I'm going in just in the United States, like we go off on a retreat or if I'm going at a conference or speaking at ETS, you know, reading a paper, I know that as long as the basic things are there, I can buy, I can buy a Tylenol, I can buy a deodorant, I can buy, but sometimes clothes, when you have to be ready to go in an hour, I'm not going to, you know, so I'm careful. But traveling overseas has kind of trained me to make sure you have what you need, which you may not be able to get it. What you pack matters. I mean, you got to strategize what you're going to bring and what you're going to, how you're going to organize things. And just like that's true on a trip, that's true in a relationship.

That's true in marriage as well. And on today's episode, we are starting something brand new. We are so excited. It is the last day of January, but February is tomorrow. And February.

Less than 24 hours. That's the month of love. It is the month of love.

That's right. It is the month of love. Brand new segment today with Nicole on the show. Welcome to the show, Nicole. We're excited to have you.

Thank you. Brand new segment today called Marriage, Family, and Beyond. Every single month, we're going to talk about marriage. We're going to talk about family. And we're going to talk about beyond. I can't say that the title in my head, Marriage, Family, and Beyond, without doing it in Buzz Lightyear's voice.

Should we make that, should we make that like the intro? Marriage, Family, and Beyond. We're going to talk about marriage, family, and beyond. Yes. Let's do it. I think we need to do that. Yes, we need to do that. That's how we open up the segment. But marriage, family, and beyond is not something that we invented right here sitting around this table. Right.

It's at least seven years old. Yes. We actually began with these little vignettes, or I guess little videos, where we would sit down and talk about a particular aspect of family or marriage or children relationships and just kind of talk about that. And we really had our heart into it. It's like, yeah, we're going to do this and it's going to be good. And then life sort of hit us.

We got busy and church began to grow and my dissertation was nearing completion. So we're like, let's just put that on hold. Let's focus on some other things and we will come back to it. One of the things we really pride ourselves in is that we don't just start things.

That's right. We want to make sure whatever we start is sustainable. It lines up with our vision.

It is going to be long term. And so we felt like, yes, it is the right thing, but now is not the right time. You actually took the words right out of my mouth because I was about to commend you and you because I've seen you guys and I've seen you do this multiple times here at Clearview where you will have a good idea and things will happen, things will fall off or we'll get to other ideas, but anything that's worth, that has merit and that's worth talking about, we always come back to. And it takes, it takes a visionary in a marriage and in a relationship to make that kind of thing happen because you see the value of it, even if it's not paying off right now. Right.

It's not the right time, but the time will be one day. And so you sort of put it on the back burner, but not so far away that you can't reach back or don't see it anymore is there. And we feel like now having the platform we have now with so many people coming to Clearview, right, now the physical location, but also so many listening to us through the radio network, but also on the podcast.

We have so many people who come and download the, I mean, thousands of people. That's right. And so we feel like it's time now to bring it back. Yeah. So here we are.

Marriage, family and beyond. What's the first thing we're talking about, Nicole? We're going to be talking about date nights or in our case, date days. Ooh.

Fun, fun. What's your date day? A typical date day for us would be going somewhere for lunch and that all depends, I guess, on what we're in the mood for and then sometimes we'll go to the mall. Sometimes we'll just go hang out at the bookstore, his favorite place, and sometimes he will go with me to like, he might not go in, but he'll go with me and he'll find something else to do.

Like when I love to go shopping at Ulta or Sephora or some place like that and that's kind of like my bookstore, if it is for makeup. So when did this concept of setting aside time weekly for a date day or a date night or whatever it looked like for you when you began, when did that become a priority for you? It really happened at a Weekend to Remember seminar, if I'm not wrong. It was done by Family Life, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, and so we went there and initially I was not that keen on going, I was like, man, what are you going to teach me about marriage and family? Well, there are so many things they can teach me, so many things I'm still learning, so many things I have learned, but still, we were there and began to sort of listen to what they were teaching and then I realized very quickly, wow, I need to learn this. This is important, especially if I'm going to have a strong marriage, especially if my marriage is going to withstand the ups and downs and the uncertainties of life, because we think life is predictable, it's not predictable.

People are not predictable, nothing is predictable other than Jesus Christ and his word. So one of the things that people said was, every week you should take time to date. And at the time our kids were young, and did we have all of them at the time? We did, because this is what I do.

You had all four? Yes, this is why I remember, because leaving them with anybody was a little stressful, because Thomas, I remember, was still in the crib. So he was two years old or less, and I want to say he was probably just a year old.

So this has been 15 years ago, no, 16 years ago, because he's 17. And it's always funny, because when you go to stuff like that, when you go to those conferences, you automatically, I don't know if maybe you don't do this, but I know typically guys do because I do it a lot. You start listing off all the reasons, it's like, that's great advice, unfortunately it does not apply to me, because I got small kids. Here's why I can't do what you're saying. I ain't got but two of them. So I can imagine having four, you'd be like, okay, yeah, good advice, but can't do that one.

So let me go ahead and hear the next one. But you actually took it to heart. We did. And to be honest with you, the first year or so, I guess, was really just 30 minutes, maybe? Maybe.

Maybe. Rebecca was probably 12, 13 years old at the time. And we didn't live in the best section of town. It was not horrible at the time.

I mean, in time it became that way. It's kind of sadly, we had wrong elements who were moving in and some of the rental property and it was becoming dangerous. But prior to that, it was not as bad, but still we didn't feel comfortable leaving the kids alone.

I understand couples who don't feel comfortable leaving it even 30 minutes. So we would put them to bed. She was, like I said, 12, 13 years old and everybody was asleep and we would tell her, we would tell Rebecca, okay, we're going to leave, we're going to go, here's our cell phone number, but cell phone number, we're going to be gone 30 minutes.

We're going to go get dessert, coffee, and we'll be home. And so by the time we got home, everybody was asleep because we were only gone half an hour. But it was that time that we could actually sit down and try not to think about the kids and actually reconnect for just that half hour.

And then once she got a little bit older, where we felt... And all the kids sort of got older, not old, but I would say maybe the youngest one probably was four about that time, that we felt like, yeah, it's time that we can get away and be gone the whole evening. But you also have, um, I've always heard there was a, you know, you need to go out at least once a week and then maybe I've heard this statistic and I don't know how many people are able to do it, but do the once a week and then once every two or three months, then you go away for one night and then like once every year or two years you do like a weekend or something, you know, something really big. And so periodically we do go away for overnight trips and things, and I still think those are dates, you know, not date dates, but I mean, it's still a time to spend time together. It's a planned time to be away. What's adding that to your regular routine as a couple?

What have you noticed has either changed or developed? What benefits have you seen from having that set aside time each week? For me, it's a time to reconnect. It's a time to talk again. It's a time to just put the world behind whatever I need to do or whatever care I have or frustration I have or doubt or fear I have about something that I'm working on, whether it's personal or project or church, it gives me a time to just say, you know, this will still be there four hours from now, but right now I'm going to focus on this and we're just going to talk and laugh. Sometimes we argue, we've done that too, it hasn't been good, but at least it allowed us to deal with something that we felt like we were avoiding or we were not facing or it was brewing as a problem, so it was rough and tough, but at the end, not the end of the date, not even the end of the day, sometimes it's the end of the week, it was like, okay, that had to happen, but we're in a better place now, so it helped us.

I feel the same way. I feel like, especially when the kids were young, I felt definitely that time that we could reconnect, we could talk about things that were going on because at that time when the kids were young, I did work part-time I think, and so sometimes you were working full-time too. I mean, it depends on what you were doing.

If you were working at a school and it became a long-term sub, you ended up working 40 hours. It's true, and so it was still a time to reconnect, but it was also a time for me to put aside being a mom, and my mom even would say it, that the most secure kids know that mom and dad love each other, and that is one way that your kids will know that you love each other, is that you will put aside that time that you will say, this is not family time, this is mom and dad time, and we'll see you when we get back. When kids and see when kids, I think this is especially true with millennials, when kids are the center of the universe at home, they are the center of their own universe in life.

You know what I mean? I feel that even. I feel like me and my sister were really, truly, we were the center of our parents' universe, and so that's something that I've had to combat in adulthood, is understanding that the marriage, if mom and dad aren't a cohesive team, there's no family unit.

I just exist in this home as a kid. Well, this kind of leads me to a funny story. We were traveling to Georgia to see Nicole's family. I'm trying to remember.

And you'll remember as I- My wheels are turning right now. So we're all there, all four of us, all four of the kids and both of us are there, so all six of us are in the van, and we're driving past Gwinnett. And I said something like, hey guys, that's where mom and I used to go for our dates. We actually stopped there one time. Right. But that's where we go for our dates. And I remember Nicholas at that point, should I not mention the name?

Go ahead. He said, no wonder it takes you all that long. So in his mind, he didn't connect what I was trying to say. I was trying to say that when we were in college, living in Georgia, that was 30 minutes to Gwinnett Mall, that we used to go there for our dates. He's thinking you're driving to a whole different state. Every Monday night. No wonder you all are gone for so long. We stop, we're just kind of just driving, I'm like, oh wait, do you think we go here every Monday night?

It takes you a long time. How old was he at the time? Probably just a little kid.

Probably less than 12. He was thinking every Monday night when we leave, we go to Gwinnett Mall, Georgia for our date. What a date. Yeah. I was like, no buddy.

When we were in college, we used to go there for our dates. Oh, okay. It's funny how little kids like view those relationships and view marriages and like, especially too, how it can seem like forever, even that mom and dad being gone 30 minutes. But that 30 minutes has a profound impact.

It has a strong, especially when it's predictable and it's, I guess a better word is actually reliable. If you do it right, there's communication and the communication in a marriage is key. If you don't have communication, then everything else breaks down.

If you do it right, I hate to, I don't want to say it forces you to communicate because you don't have to even on a date, but that's what it's for, is to reconnect and re, I hate to use the word rebuild, but did you ever find like when you started doing them 15 years ago and you didn't have smartphones in your face every couple of minutes that it was easier? You know, I hadn't really thought about that. We didn't have the distractions because the, that we had a cell phone, but it was, it was not a smartphone. It was one of those flip phones.

Like a little brick. It was a flip phone. Yeah. It was, it was there to communicate. It was there for emergencies. But now this is, this is what we were typically doing, sitting there like, you know.

In all of the, all of the major marriage sites and places will tell you, put your phone away. Don't even bring it into the restaurant. You know, they give you all of these different tips. So that you can actually concentrate. And I know that's difficult if you have little kids, you want to be ready with your phone just in case there's an emergency back home.

So it's, it's understandable. You can hang on to that, but exercise self-control, which is you don't have to check that message again that quickly. You don't have to check social media and quickly do the quick likes and a quick happy birthday. Don't have to. It doesn't have to be done right then. You can tell yourself, hold off until you get home and you sing on the couch and either you're falling asleep and she's falling asleep. Maybe look at it then. You don't have to do that right now.

There's nothing commendable about that. If there's a, if there's a couple listening and they recognize that they have not made this a priority and they are interested in starting, what is, what is the, I guess what are some practical steps that they can take to sort of build this into their routine? Well first of all, if they have small children, you need to find either a babysitter who is willing to do it once a week or if you don't have access to that or you don't have the money because let's face it, babysitters cost a lot of money and maybe there's a couple, a friend of yours or maybe it could be like your sister or your brother and y'all can switch off like, okay, we'll watch your kids while you go away on this week and you watch our kids while we go and just switch off favors to be able to do that. That's the first thing because you got to find reliable childcare, safe, safe, very much reliable and safe childcare and then after that, um, then you just kind of need to decide what you two enjoy doing. What are some things, and I would suggest maybe even take some time and write down each one of you your top 10 things that you really like to do. You know that if money were no object, these are the things that I would like to do and write them out and maybe switch your list and in each take turns doing something on that list. For us, you know, we started out with, um, or not started out with just Pat, a few years ago we decided to get more specific on, we're going to go to this, this, um, place where they have games or do this and that. And that sort of worked, but it didn't because it was like you were tired by the end of the day and it was like, huh, I don't know if I want to go jump on a trampoline.

I just don't feel like doing that. So it was sort of, yeah, it's okay. So at times it can be a little boring, but overall for us they're okay.

They work. And then when we go away for a couple of nights, you know, every few months, that's where we get to do the other things that they want to do. And it works out wonderfully. But I think it's vital. I think it's important. I wish more couples would do this.

And Nicole, she's doing her master's in counseling, you know, focused on marriage and family relationships. And we want to share more of these kinds of things with people so they can really enhance their relationships, especially their marriage. Absolutely. One thing I've learned from just watching you guys is the consistency of it. You know, to be doing it consistently for 15 years, like I'll admit I'm the world's greatest husband a few weeks at a time. Like I can plan like five or six dates, no problem. But inevitably, I should say, life will always get in the way and you tend to stray away from it. So there's these big long gaps where you're doing nothing. So I really appreciate how consistent you guys are because it challenges me to be consistent as well.

Yeah. And I think that example that you shared with us of number one, be creative. It doesn't have to be you're going to go off on an excursion for three hours. It can be we're going to go into town for 30 minutes and get ice cream and coffee. But that's a date. And I think that creativity, it frees people up from what their expectations are.

But be intentional. Set aside that time and communicate in that time. Let it be a child free time where you can reconnect and sort of rekindle things. So important for us. Man, I really enjoyed this segment, Marriage, Family and Beyond. Nicole, thank you so much for being on the show today.

Thank you for having me. We are excited to bring this segment to you guys. Every single month, we're going to be doing one of these episodes, so make sure you tune in for our Marriage, Family and Beyond episodes. You can visit us online at Clearveetodayshow.com for more information. If today was helpful for you, write in and let us know, 252-582-5028.

Write in and let us know your favorite date ideas. That would be a wonderful thing for us to hear from our listening audience. And while you're on the website, make sure you scroll down and click that donate button so you can become part of our Clearveet Today Show family. Also, I want to say a big thank you to Mighty Muscadine for sponsoring this episode of the Clearveet Today Show. Head on over to their website, MightyMuscadine.com and use the promo code TODAY, that's T-O-D-A-Y, when you check out. It's going to get you a discount.

And a portion of those proceeds come right back here to the Clearveet Today Show. John, very special episodes coming up. Very, very.

The rest of this week. Very, very special. Do you want to give them a little? Give them a little secret sauce? A little secret sauce? A little sprinkle of it?

What's going on here? A little razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle is incoming right now because February 1st is tomorrow, we're starting off Black History Month with a very special guest who made an incredible discovery right here in her own backyard in Anderson, North Carolina. You're not going to want to miss it. Make sure you check out tomorrow's episode right here on Clearveet Today. We're very excited to share that with you guys. We love you guys. We'll see you tomorrow on Clearveet Today.