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Dear Gary | March

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman
The Truth Network Radio
March 25, 2023 1:00 am

Dear Gary | March

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman

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March 25, 2023 1:00 am

Marriage struggles. Parenting problems. Singles issues. It’s all up for discussion on this Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Once a month we open the lines for your questions for this trusted author of the New York Times bestseller, The 5 Love Languages. The problems discussed may help you with a struggle you’re facing. Don’t miss the questions and answers today program.

Featured Resource: You Get Me: Simple, Romantic Ways to Speak the 5 Love Languages

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He was arrested and he has two young children. I am finding myself not able to deal with the negativity that he throws off. I found out last year that my husband is a serial cheater. Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . It's one of the most anticipated conversations of the month when we open the listener line and hear from you as you pose questions for trusted pastor, counselor, and author, Dr. Gary Chapman.

And we have some great questions today on our March edition of Dear Gary. And it's our hope that something you hear today will help you in your marriage, your parenting, your singleness, any relationship struggle you might be having. And if you go to buildingrelationships.us, you'll find more simple ways to strengthen those relationships. Like our featured resource today, which is a book written by Dr. Chapman and Jen Mickleboro, it's titled You Get Me Simple Romantic Ways to Speak "The 5 Love Languages" . Just go to buildingrelationships.us. So Gary, from the title of this book, it sounds like the love languages can be a simple concept that might be a little difficult to implement in a marriage. Is that true?

Well, I think it is, Chris. You know, I think the concept is simple, but I think coming up with ideas on how to express each of these languages can be difficult for some folks, particularly if they didn't receive love in one of those languages and now they have a friend or they have a relationship and the person's love language is words of affirmation, let's say, but they never learn how to give words of affirmation because they never heard words of affirmation. So this little book, I think, will give people a lot of practical ideas on how to develop their vocabulary in speaking "The 5 Love Languages" .

Practical is the word that covers it. You can find out more about it. You Get Me Simple Romantic Ways to Speak "The 5 Love Languages" .

Go to buildingrelationships.us, buildingrelationships.us. Now to your calls. Let's start with a single listener who needs a little help in a dating struggle.

Hi, Gary. I'm trying to figure out what I should do because my girlfriend is feeling like she's not in love with me anymore but still has strong feelings of love toward me and we just don't know what to do anymore and she thinks she might be tired of trying to work on things even though right now we're actually doing very well. Well, Chris, I think I would have one question and that is how long have they been dating? Because the average lifespan of the in love experience is about two years and if they've been dating at least two years, this is a normal phenomena. People do come down off that high and that's when they do begin to ask, well, I don't have those feelings anymore, so maybe we should be looking somewhere else, you know? And many couples break up when they come down off of this because they have the idea that if you're really in love and you've got the real thing, it's going to last forever. That's what I thought before I got married.

It's going to last forever. And my wife and I had been dating for a couple of years before we got married. I came down off the high not soon after we got married and that was really disturbing, you know, because now I'm committed. I'm in this relationship and I don't have these feelings anymore. So I think if he understands that and she understands that doesn't necessarily mean they need to break up the relationship. This is where the love language is becomes really, really important now because now expressing love is going to take some thought and some effort. Whereas when you're in love, you're just swept along by the emotions. You know, Chris, the book I wrote, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married, is a good book for this couple to work through themselves because I start out with the reality in chapter one that the in love experience is not the foundation on which to build a marriage because it's temporary.

So hopefully they will find that helpful. And if you go to the website buildingrelationships.us, you'll see that book, among others, listed there go to buildingrelationships.us. He used the word tired that she's tired. And I wrote down the word work that relationships, when you're dating, you feel like I shouldn't have to work at this. This ought to just come naturally. But if there is that time element that you're talking about, that you're getting to the reality that, yes, being in love means expressing love and receiving it, that can be hard work, right?

It is work. I remember a young gal said to me, I was in the airport, and she simply asked me a question. We were talking, she found out I was a counselor, and that I help people work on their marriage. And she said, Why do you have to work on a marriage?

She was in love, you know. But yeah, it's a common idea that if you're in love, you don't have to work on it. Reality, we're human.

And when we come down off that high, our differences become more apparent, and we're likely to have more conflicts and things that we have to work through. But listen, you look at a lot of other things, you know, in terms of why if we should get married or not. And that's why the book I mentioned earlier, The Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married has helped so many couples decide whether to continue moving toward marriage or whether for other reasons, say, No, I don't think we're marching to the beat of the same drummer here. And it's time to break up.

And it's okay to break up. That question from a single caller is going to help somebody in their marriage today because they're in that same spot. So if you have a question about your relationships, 866-424-GARY is our number. Now a caller who has a love language question. Hey, Gary, just got your, read your first book on the five languages of love.

Thank you very much. Quick question. I seem to speak in acts of giving, but I listen in affirmation and touch. I feel like I'm speaking English, but I receive in Spanish, Italian combination.

Is that common? Chris, if I understand the caller, what he's saying is a rather common, and that is what he desires to receive in a love language is not what he's receiving. He speaks a love language to the other person, something that is natural for him. And so he loves them in that language, but they don't love him in that same language. And so he feels like they're speaking Spanish or some other language. That is a common phenomenon because many times the language we speak to others most naturally is our primary love language.

It is what we want to receive. And so consequently, when people respond to us in one of the other languages, we're not getting it emotionally. And that's the whole point of the five love language book is to help couples understand that concept and to realize if they're going to meet the emotional need for love, which all of us have, they're going to have to learn to speak another language to the other person so that they're connecting by speaking each other's primary love language. So I'm glad he's read the book. I'm glad he's struggling with the idea.

And I hope that he and whomever he has the relationship with will discover and speak each other's primary love language. Our program is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. And this is our Dear Gary broadcast for March. If you have a relationship question, call our listener line 1-866-424-GARY. This is not a counseling line. We can't call you back. But if you'll keep your question as brief as possible, we'll try to address it here on the program. Also, be sure to turn down any music or the radio in the background.

We get some great questions, but sometimes we can't use them because of the background noise. So call us today 1-866-424-GARY. Our featured resource today is the book by Jen Mickleboro and Dr. Chapman titled You Get Me Simple Romantic Ways to Speak "The 5 Love Languages" . Find out more at the website buildingrelationships.us. Again, buildingrelationships.us. This next question comes from a previous conversation that we aired on the program. And I want you to hear just a little bit of the caller, the original question from a listener.

Here we go. So I was widowed at 44 with my three children. Sadly, I am engaged to someone, but because of the way that the government sets up social security laws, if we were to marry before I turned 60, I would lose my first husband's social security.

His social security is far bigger than my social security that I could never sustain myself on. Certainly, I don't want to... Right. So that's the context of the question. Gary gave an answer to that. And now I want you to hear one response that we received to that call and Gary's answer.

Hi, Gary. That reminded me of a story from a few years ago. One of my coworkers lost his wife and oh, he was devastated. He really was. And I kind of worked as a counselor with him. We had lunch together, stuff like that. One day he told me he met a really nice girl and a few weeks later he told me he wanted to get married, but he had a government pension that she would lose if she married her.

She was widowed and her husband had a military pension. It was substantial. So later on, he said to me, what would you recommend?

Hey, you asked, I'm a Bible guy and I believe that God can do a lot more with your obedience than you could ever do with a government pension. And that's what faith is. And he was a little upset with me at first. They did move in together a few months later and it was probably six weeks after that. He came to me, he says, you're not going to believe what she and I did this weekend. And he held out his left hand. He was wearing a wedding ring and they're still together.

They're doing fine. They didn't need the money, but they did need God's blessing. So I would say, I mean, that's what faith is all about, right? You, you have to trust it.

If you can see the answer, it doesn't require faith. So that would be my advice. I really enjoy your show. Keep it coming. Bye-bye.

I like that call. And I think he was giving a real life example of if we follow God's pattern in the scripture and don't try to do the convenient thing that might be financially better for us, you know, God's going to take care of us. You know, money's the least of things that God can't take care of.

He can take care of all that. So yeah, that was a good word. It was. And there were other callers who had, you know, a different opinion or a shade, a little bit different than yours, but I wanted you to hear his story because it seemed to touch a nerve in him, you know, just even as he's relating to this. And isn't it interesting how one person, let's say in a work environment or in your neighborhood, how you get an opportunity to speak into that other person's life. And it was interesting that he didn't give that advice until it was asked for, you know, he said, you asked for it. And once it's asked for, then you have the permission to move into that and to give not only your opinion, but your life experience, right? Yeah, I think that's always true, Chris. We have opportunities if we simply listen to people, let them share their journey where they are.

And if they ask us, you know, then seek to point them to the scriptures, because if the scripture addresses it, if we're going to follow God and have the best life, we have to follow his commands. Well, maybe we'll get a response to our next caller that's coming up here. And I'll give you our phone number again if you want to ask a question or respond to something that Gary says or some caller. 866-424-GARY is our number, 1-866-424-GARY. Here's a situation with a grandparent that may sound familiar to some of our listeners. Here's our next call. Hi, Gary.

My question is, how do you deal with a daughter who withholds the grandchildren as hostages from the grandparents and won't let us see them for months at a time and says negative things to them about us? That's my question. Love your show.

Thank you very much. Well, you know, Chris, it's interesting that I have heard a similar question a number of times through the years. I don't know what the dynamics are in a child, adult child who has children who will not allow them to see their grandparents. I'm guessing it would be different reasons for different people. There are some, I think, who may finally make that decision because the grandparents are on drugs or, you know, that sort of thing and they just come to the place where they realize it's not good for our grandkids to be around them.

For others, it's not anything nearly that big that causes them to get turned off to the grandparents. If there can be conversation, which sometimes they're not even willing to talk. But to ask, you know, why have you come to feel this way?

You know, is it something about us that you feel like we're not good for the grandchildren? Or, you know, just asking the question, the open-ended question, and let them share with you why they have made this decision. You know, we all, as humans, we have a brain and we think things through and we make decisions. Sometimes we make good decisions. Sometimes we make very poor decisions. But if you can understand what led them to make the decision, you're better able then to address the issue.

If it's something that needs to be changed, then you can make changes. I think every grandparent, just by nature, wants to see their grandchildren and wants to be able to play with and talk with and see them grow up. So unless there is abuse, you know, physical, verbal, sexual abuse of a grandchild by a grandparent, or unless there is drugs involved in that sort of thing, I don't know, you know, what would be so great or so big and so horrible that you would not want them to see the grandparents. But the grandparents can't make it happen.

You know, the parents have custody of their own children. But I do think if you can have a conversation, not an argument, but a conversation where you ask an open-ended question, let them share with you their honest thoughts and feelings and reasons for doing that, and then think seriously about what they've said. And not come back and try to put them down and tell them they're wrong, but think seriously, ask God to help you process it, and then come back maybe for another conversation.

And I think if they begin to see you dealing with the issues that they bring up, things may change in time. What if the issue for the parent is that the grandparent is too spiritual, or I don't like that Jesus stuff, or I don't want you to read the Bible to my kids, or I, you know, there's something going on where the child doesn't agree with the parent about spiritual things or church, and they don't want their children, in this case the grandchild, to be exposed to that. What does the grandparent do with that?

Well I think that can be a very realistic situation in today's world, Chris, because some people are not only non-Christian, they're anti-Christian, and they don't want their children to be exposed to Christianity. I think we have to recognize as the grandparent, they made that decision, I think two or three things. One, I think we pray that God will work in their lives, the adult parent, bring somebody into their lives, some situation in their lives that will draw them to Christ so that they change that perspective.

I think the other is to don't withdraw yourself simply because they've cut you off. That is, send birthday cards to the children. Send Christmas presents to the children. Send birthday presents to the children.

Send photos to the children. But if they're saying, I don't want you to say anything about Christianity, well I would say okay, okay. But still love them. Love the child and love the adult parent. You know, the Bible says Jesus loved us while we were dirty rotten sinners.

So with God's help, because the Bible says in Romans 5, 5, the love of God is poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, we can love them, which means we're going to be kind to them, we're going to do things that we think would be helpful to them and to the grandchildren, in spite of the fact that they don't let them, don't let us see the grandchildren. That would be, that would be my approach. You were reading from the Newt Chapman version there, the dirty rotten sinners.

It just says sinners in the English. You're right. You're right. And you know that, and that's the whole thing right there. You want to love and you, why would you not want to share the greatest news that separated from God, we can be united with him because Jesus died in our place. But if you've got children who say, no, no, no, don't say that.

I think you're right. There's only so much that you can do, but you can still love, you can still stay connected. And I know a family that went through this not long ago and we met them a few years ago, right at the beginning of this.

And they, it was devastating. They're just, you know, you can just tell they're just heartbroken or we can't see the grandkids now because of the spiritual issue. And I'll tell you, you know, years down the road, it's probably been 10 years now at least.

And that relationship has turned around. I don't know that the children are any more open to spiritual things than they were, but they're allowing the grandchildren to see the grandparents. And so I say that, you know, tell you that story just to keep your heart open as a grandparent to what may happen in the future, because you don't know what will happen in a year or two or 10.

Right, Gary? Yeah, absolutely, Chris. And expressions of love and kindness have a, what God has a way of using those things, especially when the person, the person knows that you're hurt. And in spite of that, you're still reaching out to do what you can do to express love to them. Well, I've got another grandparent for you.

This one is a really, really hard call. You can hear it in her voice. This grandmom is concerned about a situation in the family. My grandson was sent to prison between seven and 14 years. He was just married last April. And it was shortly after their marriage that he was arrested. And he has two young children.

And the children are from his first marriage to the mother that left him and has the children now. But I'm concerned about his wife. She's having problems with being in this marriage for such a short time. Not sure if she wants to stay in this. She made a comment.

I didn't ask for all of this. In other words, when she was married. So I wonder if you can recommend if I should send her a book on helping her at this time since she's only been married for such a short time. I pray about this, but there's times when I'm not sure I don't want to go my way.

I want to go with what the Lord would have me to do. So thank you so much, Dr. Chapman. Well, your heart goes out to this grandmother, whose grandson is in prison and the situation she described. You can understand, on the one hand, the feelings and thoughts of this bride who was only married a few months before her husband's arrested and put in prison for a number of years because she didn't sign up for that. Now, whether she knew that he was being charged with something already and she went ahead and married him before the trial, I don't know, you know, what the dynamics are there or if this was something she totally was unaware of.

And after marriage, she finds out he's being charged and then he's convicted. But you can understand how difficult it would be for her, only been married a few months, and now he's in prison for these years. I don't think there's any one answer as to what the grandmother can do. I do think if the grandmother can help her find a support group, that is a group of people in the town who may also have spouses or sons and daughters in prison. A number of churches do have that kind of group.

And there are national organizations also that deal with people who are in prison. But I think helping her find some group like that with whom she can identify with other people who are also facing similar situations would be helpful. Otherwise, she's living only with her own thoughts and her own feelings and she doesn't have anybody that she thinks understands, you know, where she is. That may be one of the best things you could do is to help her find such a group if it is available. And if not, then maybe online she could find such a group. But being empathetic with her is also important. Not preaching to her, but being empathetic with her struggle and trying to help her not make a quick decision to abandon the marriage. Because sometimes people are put in prison for seven to 14 years and sometimes it is reduced. It depends obviously on what he did to be imprisoned.

So it's not an easy question. You know, I would say obviously pray for wisdom. Maybe as a grandparent, talk to your pastor about the situation. And he may have access to some things that would be helpful that you don't know yourself. So I'd say reach out for help in terms of what might be helpful to her as she processes these emotions.

And certainly a Christian counselor would be also very helpful for her. Don't you just love her heart that she doesn't want to overstep? You know, I don't want to go to you. That was one of the things that I heard you respond to her that I just don't want to do more than I should do here. I want to love well.

Yeah, I think that's certainly there. You know, she wants to do something that would be helpful, but not do something that would be painful or hurtful. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, New York Times bestselling author of "The 5 Love Languages" . If you enjoy our program, be sure to visit our website, buildingrelationships.us. There you'll find some simple ways to strengthen your relationships. Our featured resource is the book by Dr. Chapman and Jen McEborrow, You Get Me Simple Romantic Ways to Speak "The 5 Love Languages" .

Go to buildingrelationships.us to find out more. This is our Dear Gary broadcast for March, and we'd love to hear from you if you have a response to a caller that you've heard today or an answer, maybe a question that you have about your own relationship and maybe a struggle, or flip it around, something that's going on in your relationships that's really positive that you want to tell Gary, 1-866-424-GARY is our number. Just leave a message. We may use your question or comment here on the program 1-866-424-GARY.

Oh, this is a hard one. Gary, listen to the heartache and the heartbreak of our next caller. Hi, Gary. My husband is dying, and it's been a very long time since he was diagnosed with numerous ailments, and he has such a low esteem, low opinion of himself, and I try to build him up. I am finding myself not able to deal with the negativity that he throws off.

Everything is a downer. I found a verse the other day that just, my heart just ached for him. I took it to him, and he listened to me, and then he made some negative comment, and I'm finding it so hard to be uplifting. I don't know what to do. I pray for guidance. I pray for an answer.

Throw something at me, Jesus. Tell me what I need to say that will make it different. I'm totally at a loss, what to do.

Thank you. Well, Chris, it's easy as you listen to her to be discouraged, to see why she would be discouraged, because none of us do well when every positive effort we attempt is kind of rebuffed. You know, we don't know all that's going on in his mind, but obviously, it's very negative. The first thought that comes to my mind is, are there other people outside the family who have reached out or who could reach out to him? If he was in a church, and if they were in a church, certainly the pastor and some of the church leaders would just by nature, I would think, start visiting him, reaching out to him, talking to him, listening to him. He needs outside contact, and if he doesn't have outside contact, there's no one coming in to interface with him.

He's locked into his own negative emotions, and obviously, he's not responding positive to the things that she is attempting. So I would say, if they were not in a church, I would still say, find out a church in the area that maybe one of your neighbors attends, and let them know about the situation. I think most pastors would be willing, more than willing, to visit someone even though they don't know that they've heard that he's very sick, and would reach out to them. So whatever you can do to bring him in contact with people outside the family, I think would be one of the most positive things. Now, you mentioned that you are praying, and that certainly is a positive thing, asking God to give you wisdom on what you can do or what you cannot do that would be helpful. But also praying, I would say praying that God specifically, that God would bring some other people into his life and into his situation.

Because sometimes a person will respond more to an outsider who will eventually want to share Christ and so forth than they do to their spouse. We have a program coming up next week, Gary, at the beginning of April, with Dr. Clarence Shuler and Dr. Monique Gadson. They're going to talk about finding hope in a dark place, facing loneliness, depression, and anxiety with the power of grace. I wonder if that conversation would help this wife or the husband. It sounds like he's just in this dark place, and he can't get out of there, and he's lashing out at her when she's the one who's trying to love him well. I think that would be a really good resource for them, don't you?

I do, Chris, because it's a very realistic picture in this book. Dr. Shuler, who is a counselor himself, was going through a rather deep depression. A friend of his who was also a counselor reached out to him and began to walk with him through the process. I think when we're in a dark place, we need outside help.

We need other people who will try to speak into and to listen to where we are. A counselor-type person, whether it's a professional counselor or not, could be very helpful to him as he's processing all of his emotions. And to her, even if he won't go. To her as well.

Listen to that program that broadcasts next week with Dr. Shuler and Dr. Gadson, and the title of the book is Finding Hope in a Dark Place. We'll talk more about that next week here on the program. Let's run to our next caller who wants some help with her relationship with her ex-husband. Here we go.

Hi, Gary. My question today is about how to form healthy boundaries with an unhealthy ex-husband. My ex-husband is an alcoholic. He was also emotionally abusive to myself and our children, and he happens to be undocumented. So he depends on me for lots of different things.

Daily needs, etc. Well, Chris, it sounds like this wife, in spite of the fact that she has now divorced him, she still has a concern for him, and he has a need for her to help him with certain things. When she says he's undocumented, I don't know if that means he can't get a job and she's still supporting him. I don't know if that's involved or not, but it does seem like there's certain things that he's depending on her to do for him. She may well be overwhelmed with his demands. You know, well, I have to have this, I have to have that. I don't have any other help.

No one else can help me. You know, that kind of thing. And that could be very, very draining emotionally on her. Again, I think I would like to say, if she can reach out and get help herself, just, you know, a counselor type person, or whether it's a close friend or a pastor, someone with whom she can share her situation in detail, and they can help her begin to think of how she could respond in a more positive way, as she said, have some boundaries in relating to him. You know, not knowing all the situation, it's hard to say what boundaries should be set. You know, if he's abusive to her and the children when he is with them, then that's not healthy. I mean, that itself could be a boundary, you know, not allowing the children to be with him. I don't know how many children they have, but we don't want to put the children in a situation where they are being abused by an alcoholic father. I think a counselor could help her determine more specific boundaries that might be put in place that would give her some relief and then still meet whatever basic needs he has, because there are Christian organizations in a city, most cities, that can help people who can't help themselves. And so finding out what those are and being able to point him in that direction, rather than depending on her for everything, would certainly be a step in the right direction.

It really is a difficult situation. And, you know, you think of the boundaries book, you know, the one by Henry Cloud and John Townsend that came out. There's another that came out just last year, Lisa Turkhurst. And this is it's a bestseller, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are. And she talks a lot about her situation. And I think that would one of those would probably be really encouraging to see that she's not alone. Her situation may be unique.

But this idea of I need to figure out how to do life here where I'm not overwhelmed every day with that relationship. That's a good question. Yeah, it is a good question. And I think the book she mentioned, Chris, would be helpful to her. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . You can find out more about that at our website, buildingrelationships.us. You'll see our featured resource there. The book, You Get Me Simple Romantic Ways to Speak "The 5 Love Languages" . Again, go to buildingrelationships.us. Gary here's a wife with a really difficult situation.

Hi, Gary. I'm in a long term marriage. And apparently I found out last year that my husband is a serial cheater.

I believe he is still in an affair. I don't know what to do. I'm financially dependent on him. I haven't worked in 20 years.

I don't have computer skills, which I'm trying to get now. The situation is becoming so bad. I've been advised to talk to the domestic violence people. And as long as he's working with this woman he's been seeing, I don't see any hope of this situation changing, but I can't leave. And I'm wondering, what can I do, if anything, to save my marriage? Well, it's a very, very difficult situation when a husband is having an affair, an affair, an affair, an affair, an affair, which is what I'm gathering from what she said.

She called him a serial cheater. It's not just a one-time thing. Because if that's a pattern of life that's established, he's not likely to change until there's something dramatic that happens.

And that might be a physical thing, an accident, a disease, or something that would kind of stop him in his tracks. And so she's in a bad place, because she has no way of income, having not worked outside the home all these years. I think the caller is wise to be doing what she's doing, and that is trying to learn some skills that would equip her to have a job. Because sooner or later, something is likely to happen that will leave her alone.

He will either divorce her and marry one of these people that he is having an affair with. But if she has some skills, and can begin to get a job and make some money that she could live on, that will certainly be an asset. Otherwise, she's left to charity, essentially. Now, thankfully, in many towns and cities, there are organizations that can and do help people like her in terms of a place to live and in terms of some kind of income. So I would also encourage her to explore what's available in her town or in her city for people who are in her situation.

The more she knows about what's available, the more likely she is to make a wise decision down the road. But you know, I can't encourage her to simply accept what he's doing and feel like, well, it's okay. It sounds like the only reason she's staying there is because she's financially dependent upon him.

But there's not much of a marriage going on if he's having a whole series of affairs and now he's involved with someone else. If she doesn't have any income, she probably can't afford to go to a counselor, a professional counselor. But I would say reach out to a church and ask if there's someone on their staff or some lay people on there who give counseling or coaching and reach out and share her situation with someone locally that's connected to a church and that is a Christian. Because she needs someone with whom she can talk and with whom she can share her frustration and who can give her some guidance in how to respond to this sort of thing. So I hear you say, prepare for the worst of the eventuality of the marriage, not surviving this, prepare for the worst. Don't do it out of fear and scrambling, but just see what's out there. And the other thing is, is there a way to find someone, some other wife who has gone through this same type of thing? What has she done in that kind of situation?

That could be a real good contact. Absolutely, Chris. And again, some churches do have support groups. They're typically called support groups in various life situations.

It would again be exploring churches. Do you have a group that deals with this sort of thing, ladies that have gone through this sort of thing? Or do you know someone in your church who is facing something like this that I could talk with? So reaching out to find help on the local scene, and by help I mean someone with whom she can share her pain and her hurt and who will be empathetic with her and then help her begin to decide what should be my next step. All right, I'm going to call an audible here, Gary, because I saw this comment online the other day, not in relationship to Building Relationships in our program, but something different.

And I just want to know what you would have to say. Very short, my ex-husband and I are best friends. Now just let that sink in. My ex-husband and I are best friends. I just moved into his house because we love each other and can't afford to live on our own.

I pay rent. Our relationship is purely platonic, but I pray for advancement. What goes through your soul in hearing that story? Well, Chris, it speaks to the deep longing of the human heart to have a relationship. And in spite of the fact that they came to the place of divorce, they still obviously are treating each other with humanity, treating each other as humans and being loving toward each other. And there's certainly nothing wrong with living in the same house with a man that you were married to. And she's saying very clearly we're not sexually involved.

It's a matter of, you know, paying rent like I would pay anywhere else. And there's nothing going on sexually between us. We're just being kind and nice to each other. But she's hoping for more. She said that toward the end. She's hoping that with this time together, he may change his mind and she may change her mind and they may come to a place of remarrying each other, which has happened. I mean, this is not abnormal. It can happen.

So I would say again, if he is open at all to the two of them sitting down with the counselor and just sharing their situation and where they are and what their feelings are toward each other and exploring the possibility, is there any possibility that we might recommit ourselves to each other? Because the fact that she says we love each other, there's hope there, Chris. There's hope there. Yeah. I'm just thinking about, you know, the implication.

This almost sounds like a Hallmark movie, you know, where it happens like this. But this is in real life and that's going on. And I wonder if he would say the same thing, you know, if from his perspective, no, there's no way.

We don't know that. But I wanted to end on that note. And we've had some heavy calls today in situations. Would you just stop right here before we end and pray for the folks who've called in and who may call in today? Father, you know, the calls we've listened to today, you know, the individuals, you know, where they are, you know, whether they're even listening today, but you know, you know where they are. And I pray that your spirit would give them wisdom.

Some of these are hard situations and you know it. And I pray, Father, you'd give them wisdom on what the next step would be and help them to think in terms of what might I do today that would be meaningful in my life. And so, Father, you alone have the wisdom that is needed by these individuals.

And you said if we ask for it, you would give it. So I'm asking Father that you really work in their hearts and bring into their lives people who can be your instrument of helping them. In the name of Christ, I pray. Amen.

Amen. Well, let me give you the phone number if you want to make a comment, if you'd like to say something to Dr. Chapman or ask a question. 866-424-GARY. 1-866-424-GARY.

If you go to the website buildingrelationships.us, you'll see that featured resource, You Get Me, Simple Romantic Ways to Speak "The 5 Love Languages" . Again, go to buildingrelationships.us. And next week, two guests join us to help people who are facing depression and anxiety in their lives. Don't miss an important conversation about dealing with the dark places of our lives. Before we go, let me thank our production team, Steve Wick and Janice Backing. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in Chicago, in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry at Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-03-25 04:36:03 / 2023-03-25 04:52:04 / 16

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