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Your Marriage Today…and Tomorrow

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman
The Truth Network Radio
October 19, 2019 8:03 am

Your Marriage Today…and Tomorrow

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman

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October 19, 2019 8:03 am

​Do you want to build a marriage now that your kids will thank you for later? On the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, a best-of broadcast featuring Dr. Crawford Loritts—he and his wife, Karen, have been married 45 years. How do you build a union together that will not only stand but also leave a legacy to the next generation and beyond? Don’t miss the hope and encouragement for your marriage on the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman.  

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Some say marriage is just a piece of paper and then it's on its way out. But I guess today on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman says you can make a difference in the world now and for generations with your marriage not just about sitting down and holy and are looking one of those large even with an open Bible to the truth, and we believe this is all about know you. You gotta translate that in the shoe leather and rolling up your sleeves and being intentional about it.

We feed the relationships welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" today is been married to his wife nearly 50 years will talk about the amazing impact a godly marriage can have on you family and your generation. Today's program first, there almost a year ago featured Crawford laureates was written featured resource along with his wife Karen find it a five love

The books titled your marriage today and tomorrow making your relationship mattered now and for generations to come. Five love Gary. We talked about the early years of your marriage to Carolyn how you both struggled to have the same vision for the difference of marriage can make.

Back then, that you do today. My short answer is no.

Years of her marriage. I was not flicking about but did it impact on future generations. I was just trying to survive. Much as we talked about our relationship in the past, but Kerala really have a lot of struggles in those early years. Thankfully we stayed together.

Our son came open college are never forget this first year college he came home, but wanted his hands on my shoulder and one on his mother's look us in the eyes and said I want to thank you guys for staying together is that I have five friends of the University.

You're not going home for Christmas because her mom and dad divorced while after they left for college and then on the were to go home so they're not going home man that was payback because we told him through the years.

Of course our start, our kids were open about early struggles with them. When I came along and so he knew that so but that's really what were talking about we are today with Crawford is the fact that our marriage is going to like it impact negatively or positively on the generations to come from excited about our conversation yeah is not commensurate with the lack of struggle as a matter fact it may be the struggles that you have that propels you will find out what Crawford has to say about that. He is the senior pastor Fellowship Bible Church in Roswell, Georgia is written along with his wife Karen are featured. Resource your marriage today and tomorrow Crawford and Karen are featured speakers at family life, marriage conferences, their co-authors of developing character in your child, therefore, married children, 11 grandchildren. Unless that's changed. You can find out more. Five love Crawford. Welcome to Building Relationships not changed.

I think will also always a joy to have you on the program I think you know you have been conferences along with always good to be with you. Let me ask that question of you the one that Chris asked me when you and Karen were married 47 years ago did you see marriage then as being the powerful force for good in the world today. You know you know she was 20 and I was 21 and scared today then you make this work and by the way, we got paper pills in school and finish, but I didn't have that that clear vision in my heart, mind, on the other hand, what I did have was you know family and marriage was terribly important for generations in my family and the model of my mother and father and I wanted that and so that was the vision. Looking back there marriage is yes well there's no question that in our culture. Marriage is under constant attack. When you think this is coming from. You know it's it's been going on there for years.

How did we get to where we are in our country the world the flesh and the devil you know the enemy is not sitting back and his lazy boy lounger while we just you know Gallivan across the years of the great marital bliss and economic think, but I actually think a lot about this actually think the erosion of truth has we can commitment. In other words, over the years of the last 6070 years. We we've moved away from objective truth to elevating how we feel and personal happiness and how I feel about the moment and what is contributing to my personal moral happiness is is really all that matters is happening is that I think that you know living bivalves is negotiable.

It's it's all relative and and this kind of thing in its credit divorced culture in a divorce culture continues to erode marriage and then of course you have a culture that's feeding into that differing values in this kind of thing and so when you drift away from objective truth you you just you just assigned yourself to all kinds of division and and weakness and the lack of strength. Well, I think you're exactly right. Let's talk about God's vision for marriage. Sometimes you wonder we have the concept anymore" was God's perspective, he instituted marriage in the very beginning with Adam and Eve.

So talk a little bit about God's vision for marriage yeah and it gets back to the very beginning when God created Adam and Eve and he created Adam and he created Eve created family to reflect his image from one generation to the next and I actually believe that there are two grand theological biblical purposes for marriage and the family is not just about us being happy and that's that there is that is not just about solving problems, and there is that the foundation only fundamentally, our marriage is to reflect the unity of the love relationship that the Trinity had an excellent marriage and family is all about its reflecting human history. What that's all about. And then secondly, it is to steward that image from one generation to the next to be positive, intentional image bearers and so really I marriage is to tell the truth about God and then you have the fall of mankind and then Christ comes in he comes to reestablish that which was lost and so ultimately and Paul paints his picture in Ephesians chapter 5 I marriage is to tell the truth about Jesus Christ and what he can do and so that really is the goal and vision of marriage said to me last week was speaking, she said, you now have two children and she said the most important thing is that both are following Jesus and she said to me you know is nothing more important than that agreed with her, you know, it's that whole thing that John said I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth yeah man that is a joy indeed. And that's what it's really all about it not. I just sometimes think that the transactional stuff and marriage which is very important.

Don't get me wrong, but the transactional stuff and marriage has replaced the vision and the stuff of endurance.

It has to do with not so much how do you get something down but why do you do it and that helps us to make it home before dark, so to speak. When you say transactional stuff when you talk about how to know an image we need to know how to resolve conflict. We need to know how to build one another, often how to raise our kids and how to make good decisions and all of that we need to know how to do that. But the question underneath all that is for what why and I think it's pressing into the why that that helps us to hang in there into endure and so it's not just doing the right transactional stuff that helps us to get quote better. It's why am doing this that really really gives me the endurance and helps in the press of the heart spots and places in my marriage that featured resources to both my guest Crawford Lorette seen his wife Karen have written your marriage today and tomorrow making your relationship matter now and for generations to come. Talk about how to build a marriage now that your kids will thank you for later.

The forwardness by Dr. Gary Chapman, by the way, and you can find out more at Chris this is a book I was glad to write the forward to, because I really love the message of this book Crawford you talk in the book about the marriage affecting future generations. Knowing this is one of the themes that runs through the airport for better or for worse. You're not just simply talking about divorce statistics. Here are you now, no, no, no, not at all. Not all but but it it it's about positive movement in our marriage and end in our marriage actually modeling where the next generation should be and giving them hope and it's not just about a let's just stay together not have a divorce know it's proactive let's let's let's build our lives around those enduring principles that are not affected by time or or generations that that produce real, lasting joy and reason for living in that kind of thing you in your own life. Karen, you came to marriage as Carolyn, with different perspectives and different backgrounds talk little bit about about that in your own life and then and how you all came to work together into in terms of unity yeah yeah you know Karen IRR backgrounds probably could not be any more different.

And that's the reason why I say today that compatibility is is good, but sometimes it's overrated and so Karen comes from a background I mean that she her mother had perished.

His mother was not married and she was a teenager when Karen was born in Karen's morning the inner city of Philadelphia.

She called the concrete jungle and in Karen's word she knows she says men were an endangered species in her and her family background. At that intact couples and that Kennedy just did in this district just didn't stick around. Well, you know, the flipside of that is I come from a background on my dad side that goes all way back to slavery where my great-grandfather Peter who had been a former slave loved his wife and love his family and there these generations where divorce is been unheard of on my side of the family and there's been not perfect, but there's been strong marriages and and my dad model that with my mom and so when can I come together we absolutely come from totally different backgrounds and the thing that made the difference and I talk about this in the book is that our common ground was across and what Jesus Christ did in Karen's life and how the Lord bought women into her life to nurture her and to mentor her in this wonderful church that enfolded her as a young teenager and that not even get emotional. Almost every time I talk about never talk about for years that this is see how God nurtured her and so our common ground was Calvary. And for whatever reason God gave in Karen, a desire to to break that pattern in her past and that desire to break the pattern in the word of God or commitment to Jesus has made her just my hero you write that the most marriages that fall apart do so because of failure to pursue three crucial choices.

Tell us what those three sources are mentioned in Genesis 224 you know the grand vision of marriage is declared their land that I you know God presents Eve to Adam in this declaration therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh will that's not that's not just a declaration I happened. I happen to believe that those are choices that you have to make in their ongoing decisions and ongoing choices that you have to make the course of your marriage.

The first one is leaving and that that speaks of this being the priority relationship in all of life that you've gotta decide in choose at this marriage. This relationship is the priority relationship and and I'm leaving home, leaving emotional attachment and and so I'm I'm leaving and I've declared that this is where I live, meaning between myself and my wife. My wife and my husband holding fast has to do with look that that the idea that not only have I made the commitment, but I'm gonna keep sticking with this person, no matter what.

It's an intentional clinking to one another. I'm not talking about unhealthy codependency here, but an intentional, clinging to one another because as I said earlier, this is the most important relationship in life apart from Jesus Christ and we're not going anywhere. My commitment is not superficial and so we hold fast to each other.

I think the becoming of one flesh means the it it's it's the sexual union. But the big areas you know it's it's more than just that. This is more than just that it's a commitment to an ongoing growing knowing of each other that that I I am going to be for the rest of my life. My number one preoccupation apart for my walk with God is to know Karen and so it is with hurts to know me and so it's amazing that these are these ongoing decisions and choices that we make.

They give depth and richness and our wonderful sense of sweetness to marriage and relationship. Think what we do those three things we do have what God intended marriage to Levinson board is caring relationship and we help each other accomplish God's purposes in their lives. A man a man and you're in this thing together and here it's it's like spiritual drafting because you've made these decisions. We know that even if we have this ideal in mind that God is given us.

It it doesn't just happen we have to make choices along the way as we make those three choices we have to live them out in our lighthouse and this book like yours that help us do that if you had to say just to send a sentence or two here how you feel like this book will help people, live out those choices.

What would you say I think we wrote the book to help give people a framework to Tutu to make this happen. It's intentional marriage is not just about sitting down and holding each other's hands and looking one another's eyes, even with an open violence and is a truth in and we believe this and all that know you. You gotta translate that in and put that in the shoe leather and put close on all of that and so that that means rolling up your sleeves and being intentional about them so throughout the book. What we do is that we we talk about the habits we we talk about the banks of the river things that we need to do talk a little about about resolving conflict because we don't live in heaven and pour down you know dealing with these issues and so that's the reason why we want wrote the book that your legacy is intentional but is also very visible some very practical baseline things that we have to do the business of today's world, with couples being so so busy especially if I have children still at home. Sometimes we end up drifting away from each other.

How do we avoid the drift. Well you know what happened to me we we face that through the years. Gary and all, marriage. I mean I've been involved in ministry now only Lola got married we brought in the ministry.

So about 47 years of our lives together spent ministry and traveling in demands and kids in any know sometimes our priorities got a wagon this kind of thing but one of the things I think we need to do is identify what banks of the river that will keep this keep this marriage flowing in the right direction and what are those things that we have to keep doing in the priority of one another.

Priority relationship to keep things moving. Nonmember number of years ago Gary, this is probably so probably about almost 25 may be close to 30 years ago. Now I I came perilously close to burnout and I didn't but I tell you what I was just right there and some friends pulled me aside. Karen was very happy. I was really busy. The kids are young and all the stuff in and then someone pulled me aside and said to me let me know. I sent Crawford the only three things you do in life that nobody else can do for you. Nobody can walk with God for you, but you nobody can be the husband of Karen Moritz for you but you and nobody can be the father of your children for you, but you every single thing else you do somebody can and ultimately will do for you and it was like a wake-up call for me and so you have to keep in mind constantly. What are your core priorities in life, who was most important in your life and be vigilant about not letting schedules. Another demand zero those things still talk talk a little more about building up the banks we say in the book and I believe you airplane you use your flying the very clear day. Sometimes you look out the window and you see a river, just flowing along in the interview realize that the those banks of the river. Keep that river flowing to its ultimate destination.

And so it is with marriage. You know, if you don't have a better if you banks you have you have a swap or fly the sums going on here with so you need identify how we got to keep this river flowing in this direction flowing to where it should be how we can keep this marriage gone there and in and in the book we talk about we talk about what the banks of the river of some of the elements involved in the banks of the river.

These things that the decisions that we have to making choices that we have to make making sure that that the water doesn't overflow the banks and you don't know and of knowing where you're going.

What are some of those things we can do Crawford to build up the banks make sure the banks of their son is and I've already said it is keep in the marriage, the core focus of your life. But I but not necessarily essential passion of your heart I know I just said something that sounds like a contradiction, essential passion of our heart should be our love for Jesus Christ and that that in the marriage should never replace that and I think sometimes I there is a danger of the marriage becoming an idol and you have to be careful.

But it has to be the core focus of our lives. And so whatever we need to do to make that happen. Let's do it. We need to see the relationship and and that means that we spent time with one another. We figure out what each other's love which happens to be, and I'm not just saying it's because you're on the line here but Gary I think you know "The 5 Love Languages" have been used mightily of God that help people to major on what really is most important in terms of building that relationship and expressing that love and we need to see that in fuel live in regular time of reading the Bible together and train together and lightning each other's loads and and identify what refreshes your spouse since serving together and spending regular on interrupted time together. All of this stuff is helpful and in the and strengthening where we need to be that I think we need to decide on the keep boundaries. Everything drives for your time and attention.

Everything that went out vigilant and think ahead of time about okay what are the boundaries in this relationship, you know so you listen to how we make decisions here. All of that kind of thing is really really important. And then we need to learn. Now one of the other banks of the river. Interestingly enough, this is suited to leverage each other's differences you know differences are not necessarily wrong, but just different but to learn how to leverage those differences rather than fighting each other and trying to make the other person like you know you are strong in the big picture she strong the details here. Okay, let's work together and leverage this so we can we can go on the right direction and and work off of some synergy here Steve gives an example in your own life on the difference you come to see.

First of all, it's irritating to you but then you see that it's it's really helpful you know I almost headed at it, but Karen I might my wife is is an organizer to the to the nth degree. She she never met a detail she did not love and she is an old money manager well she's married to somebody that visionary and not irresponsible to come the resources that kind of thing but I just don't like the first couple years, and we're married. I thought that I had the to be the head of my house meant that I had to write all the checks and then I need to make sure all bills being paid out and I was horrible at doing terrible so you know I swallow my pride and realize that not only does my wife like doing it.

Yeah, she's great at doing that and you know, ever since we please stop those first couple years, we have some arguments in that kind of thing in Bali when I gave into that that and submitted to her and so you know I need your help in and she began to help me in and not fight me against you know where we need to go with the big picture was in this kind of thing so we work together now and no management has been sweet, but there some choppy waters in the first of we were talking earlier about having certain things in place so that the river flows within its banks. You also talk about three habits that give enduring life to a marriage. What are those and what what how do we need to build those into our lives yeah I started. You know in our marriage. There are three core core things that they just just shutting De Soto give wildlife to to the marriage and energy to it. I think the first one is this is the pursuit of Christ likeness both individually and as a couple to constantly be growing together in terms of your walk in relationship with God.

That's where the real power comes in the marriage and then secondly, I suppose this comes out of the first one is the intentional pursuit of character development and integrity. You know that that that you can be trusted as a person that were overcoming our faults and failures, not shortcomings. And none of us are perfect. In fact we say all the time that the only option that you have got to get married is again a Marriott center and fallen but we need to be growing in overcoming and not accommodating those sinful weaknesses, and so the character gaps in breaches and integrity strengthening those things and that we need to be that need to be a habit that were constantly working on that and then thoroughly we need to practice forgiveness and ask as a pastor when young couples come to me and they want to get married very well first things I asked them insisted tell me how are you at for giving and receiving forgiveness because a commitment to be married is a commitment to forgive and so to be able to practice forgiveness to receive it and to give it add sweet humility to the relationship in it in and it opens up offices that you are needy and I'm needy but the one who meets our needs is Jesus and that we can. We love each other and we forgive each other and we want to work. Work toward being whole in these areas that that we fail.

So those are the three habits character development that the pursuit of Christ likeness and and and that giving and receiving forgiveness. Forgiveness aspect also means we have to be willing to apologize right yes yes yes or no is no forgiveness of all of the acknowledgment of it. Let's talk a bit about that integrity thing because I think a lot of lot of marriages get in trouble here when one of us is perhaps doing things that we are not sharing with our spouse were not being honest about how do we would build integrity into our lives, and therefore if we getting off track how to get back on track. Some of the Catch-22 is in it because integrity is really based upon intentional accountability. You know that you you have to you have to take steps toward being open and being accountable where you're not a fighter. You're not trying to hide your motives or what you intend to do and so when you say to one another at you.

You get the work on keeping your promises with each other. Where you going to be for you there. What are you going to do did you do it. You promise to follow through on this. Did you follow through and show the it's it's it's over mold predictability based upon consistent behavior and you gotta be willing to be held accountable. So it begins by by expressing that love here is not only what I'm going to go but here's my intentions behind that and so that that bills trust and confidence, but it begins by me taking the initiative that I make a promise and I bio I break my neck to fulfill that promise, if at all possible, and in the end, in the been accountable for my behavior and I'm on my why should see that your husband should see that and that there's there's no there's nothing underneath the table.

Everything is above board and right on top of the table so important marriage relationship because in my counseling through the years. I'm sure you seen this whenever we start doing things that were not sharing them with our spouse and it puts a wedge between us. You know it it's it's were conscious of something that they're not aware of and then we gotta be thinking about and I want to say anything that will let them know we did in the hiding mode and it goes downhill from there. I had a mentor tell me this and I was back in my early 20s and I'll never forget it. He said to me, Crawford. You know what you do.

Not only has to be right, but it has to look right and not again. I mean you can go too far with that issue but but I think that's that. That should be true in marriage.

It's not how close you can get to the edge in terms of your behavior or or that kind of thing but but I don't ever want to do anything that would cause my children or my wife to second-guess my character. My morality or anything and so and I think that that answer trust and so if you live that way over many years in your marriage. You just bring that other person closer to your heart because it never second-guess what your motives are, let's talk about conflict. You mentioned that earlier and that we all couples have conflict.

The conflicts that are important to reprocess those with which we differ on it.

We both feel strongly about it.

What are some of the elements in processing and finding a solution.

I think that the very first thing is that you need to sit down and talk with each other but you need to do that and an environment where the heat has gone down some. Sometimes you have to call a timeout and and and allow yourself and and and realize how the other person responds. Not everybody responds the same way Karen would say that she over the first part of our marriage.

She's been nice.

She was a stop for another word, she would so like internalized things in that kind of thing. The new build up in this sort of thing in and that she would say that I was stuck things too much. Come right out with it and that but over the course of our marriage, you know, we have moved more toward each other because because we we understand how the other person responds and what their needs are and so it's it's changed but I think when we have these issues yet to sit down and figure out where are you calm down and then you know you you have to schedule time and went you can you know that not procrastinate, where you can talk this thing through the other person talk and you listen without making comment without interrupting them and try to understand how they feel. And then you take your turn to express your side or how you see this issue are what is happened and without being accusatory but letting that person know how you feel about it and that's that's been helpful to us and so and if you can work it out. It did this. It's very degrees that often you can now we we we say in the book that you guys get you figure out what you gonna do about it because conflict doesn't just solve itself because you talked about it. What you gonna do, so you need to have a plan of action at the end of that conversation. Now sometimes you need 1/3 party to step in because you've lost your bit of objectivity. Or maybe you're missing each other on the communication side. If that's the case, get 1/3 party and swallow your pride. Humility is your ally and friend in these things in the long range you you want to solve the issue and you want to you want to keep pursuing oneness and and resolve the conflict. Sometimes people come to my office in a conflict situation you are looking for third person but think that they come, each with the attitude I want you to tell him over till they're all destroying the conflict in the office and I think what you just said earlier, is really an important part of the process and that is we have to intentionally try to understand what the other person's thinking and what that feeling and affirm that you know because in their in their mind, it makes sense yeah just like in your mind, your side my experience I think one of the hardest things and in our relationship. I thought I was a good listener when I was in my first married and then quickly found out that I was a horrible listener.

Listening is difficult, and in that not listening in order to build your case and the shootdown that other person's argument but to listen to their hearts and in the realize that you not person sitting across from you.

From a human perspective is all you have in this world if they are pertinent. They are angry about something you need to find out why they feel that way, and value value their feelings and value their personhood and so that that's been helpful. As you know, I don't argue it nearly as much as we used to do now. Every once in a while will get into one which just remind us we are still human to get to Jesus flaws but this is it so important to get beyond the disagreement and to affirm the heart of the person that you're committed to covered up and talk about a lot of aspects of marriage. But I know that there are couples who are listening or individuals.

Maybe you are listening out there and in their marriage is not on track their anomalies with the got children in the home they're not, please report the children are seeing and hearing, and we know we talk about impact in the next generation in their feeling like you know not making a positive impact here.

What would you say to that couple that's really struggling man. I think you know there's so many things. I think the first place to begin is to grab each other's by the hand and slip to your knees and confess that to the Lord, then Lord we were not where we need to be and that we need to help us and and to enter an end and help us move the ball down down the field and and and make make make a commitment to the Lord and ask him to show you what you need to do this. Secondly, I think what you need to do is that you know all leadership is in the Bible has to do with being the portrait of the desired destination. In other words, ask God to show you who you need to be as a as a person as a couple in that family and what you need to model each other and to your children and take a look at your own heart. What about your own spiritual disciplines. What about your own vibrancy when it comes your walking relationship with the Lord and then the other thing is you know, take a long hard assessment in terms of how you making decisions. What how you how you related to one another one of those areas in your marriage or in your family that needs to be addressed and their great resources out there. You know all kinds of resources related to the family.

Some of the resources Gary you have written that Karen and I have lived by their other things other ministries like family life where you can go and get those resources since I would attend one of your marriage conferences are one of these many other marriage conferences. What ever you need to do. You need to you need to get an action plan. Once you discover what those issues are areas that need to be addressed and develop and be aggressive about it. Even if you have to apologize to your children about. We have not made the right decision. So we've not been the right person you apologize to your spouse make the apology, but apologizing is not change.

Change comes when you take steps so find out what it is that you need to do go to a pastor go to someone that you admire may be an older couple or whatever and asking that help guide you to what you need to do in order to get strength in those areas of weakness, but I think we can do that couples can do that rather than just rocking on it since taking action that I fully agree with what you're saying If is sharing a book together on a conference together, but taken some steps to make it different touch just a little bit own some of the key needs of a wife and some of the key needs of a husband yeah you know we both write about this and this is where wish Karen was on the line with me, but that you know a wife needs their number need to.

She has only just click off for them. I think it now everybody needs unconditional love. But I think our wives.

Women need for us to express that unconditional love and and very direct meaningful ways. They need their hearts filled with love to know that they don't have to perform for our favor. Our approval or anything that we love them and so unconditional love is one secondly is understanding first Peter chapter 3 verse seven, Peter says husband well with your wives and live with your wives, and in understanding way we make jokes about that. Can you can understand the woman well on those amendments are to understand, to put the issue. The issue there is pressing forward and and connecting with heart, empathy, and seeking to understand her and spending time with her to know what makes her check-in. You know what what what her dreams were ambition what her fears. One of those things that she likes or dislikes living thoroughly for woman is it's to provide for her to know that she's being cared for and I don't mean that you have to be a multimillionaire or are anything like that but that you're doing all that you possibly can to make sure that your household is being taking care that you not being passive in your leadership as a man, but that you're being intentional about paying attention to your children, your wife and what goals financial needs are and and how you can provide for them and I think trust we talked a bit about this already, but women need to know that that they can trust you that that that you're walking in the light that there's not a hindered hidden agenda and that you're not saying one thing and doing another, that you are indeed trustworthy and so I think those are a few of the needs that wife I wife has the averages have written a wonderful book of love and respect, and now husband need to be respected not only quickly back off and say everybody needs to be respected. Wives need to be respected, but men in a very particular way. The way we weird were made.

We need to know that there is that one person that we've committed ourselves to who respects us will not run us down will not be dismissive of us and not talk about us negatively around their girlfriends and family members of this kind. Think respect is big. I think secondly is support now. Not that you agree with your husband in this kind of thing that we have some young interns. We do it and currently do a residence program at church with young pastors and often they will say something like this may well probably does this vision wife give you honest feedback and I say them, son. You have no idea.

So what I say support I don't mean that you don't say what needs to be said, but at the end of the day. Mandy should know that there's one person in the world that is with him and that's his wife, and I think associated with that is encouragement you. I actually believe you know Gary you wrote the book of five love languages, but I actually believe it at every man somewhere along the line has a little bit is not a big need for words of affirmation, encouragement is huge to a mannish Ashley coming from from his wife and then I think also the gift of loyalty loyalties important to most men, particularly any that that that person you married to your wife to realize that the she believes that you are number one in her heart and in her mind and he feels that, and that's expressed to them. Well it's a great word for all of us this hour is going quickly, and I really appreciate your being with us today Crawford and then be sure and tell Karen how much we appreciate the same with Carolyn. Her voice is been strong in the book, so this will look forward to seeing you somewhere along the line okay thank you Gary for conversation is encouraged you in your marriage and maybe this resource will bring you closer together and provide some vision for future title of the book by Crawford and Karen Your marriage today and tomorrow making a relationship matter now.

Generations five love to find out more. Five love and next week I'll take your questions about marriage, parenting, dating a lot more. Don't miss our dear Gary broadcast for October in one let me thank Ira and Janice Tott Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman's radio ministry in the Bible and thanks for listening

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