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Dear Gary - January

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman
The Truth Network Radio
January 30, 2021 1:00 am

Dear Gary - January

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman

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January 30, 2021 1:00 am

What would you say to someone whose spouse has declared, “I’ve fallen out of love?” What would you say to someone whose spouse has admitted cheating and wants forgiveness? These are the types of questions Dr. Gary Chapman answers on his monthly edition of “Dear Gary.” Hear new questions for the New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages on this edition Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman.

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People are assigned to "The 5 Love Languages" language and the need to feel love of the significant people in your life emotionally. My wife and I read it together and we quickly realize like we are the exact opposite on the love language, scaled quizzes, with the Gary Chapman to me love I would just get ready. Challenging questions about marriage families will and the love languages all coming up today on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman my job with a beautiful woman during her welcome relationship with Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" for this trusted author pastoring counselor January edition of dear Terry, we always look forward to your questions and your feedback program response to other callers ask questions and sometimes you might disagree with something Dr. says it may give him a chance to clarify something. Respond to your call question if you have responsive relational, 186642.

Gary is her number be on the program today but in the future. Broadcast 186-6424 Gary featured resource today is a book you might've heard of its title, "The 5 Love Languages" .

The secret to love lasts, you can find it@ Gary that book continues to be a bestseller every year. It's incredible. It amazes me Chris booking okay mother 1992, but it's far more popular now that it was when it first came out there almost every year it sells more than the year before, so I think it's because it addresses the deep human need to feel loved and, of course, especially in a marriage if your married you want to feel loved by your spouse, and if you feel like you know they love me committed to me life is life is good. But if you get the sense that they don't love me they wish they were married to me like the Gaza look dark so it amazes me how many people said to me Chris show this book saved our marriage.

We were struggling. We read the book is like are the lights came on and we look back and realize that we had missed each other. Fact item and tell me just this week is a doctor ever been married 34 1/2 years, and he said about three months ago, I read your book on the five lovely witches and realize that for 34 1/2 years. I have not been speaking my watch primary love language it is changing everything this a lot in father's earlier so well you have a good marriage or struggling marriage. This concept will help the marriage and I think part of the secret of the secret love lasts is the simplicity of it and you the way that you write and communicate is this is not meant as opposed to be pejorative in any way it's meant to be a compliment use you write simply and you communicate clearly and I think that's one of the reasons why people of respond but I think you're right, Chris.

If I have a gift.

I think it's taking things that seem to be complex and trying to make them simple and so I write in language of the common person and I'm not using psychological jargon are deeply theological jargon. I'm just trying to speak and speak in a language that people can understand and consequently hopefully apply to their marriage and it makes a great Valentines gift for anybody. It's called "The 5 Love Languages" . The secret to love that last you find out more. Five love right. Every month we have a deer or just about every month we have a deer Gary program where we answer your calls.

The numbers 866424 Gary you can call leave a message for future broadcast right now but I want to begin the conversation Gary with a question. We have never received a concerned mom asks this Gary 26-year-old daughter is struggling) Tom during her for a procedure on monitoring the church feel about a young woman college graduate, very smart, but Kayla found her to have another woman being impregnated by very confused and that not know what you think okay thank you when you ask, what is the church. Think about this practice it would depend on the church. This is a topic you don't usually hear discussed about churches and churches don't typically take a stand on this one way or the other in a part of that is because there's so many different ways of looking at it, you know, the positive is that it's allowing someone to have a child who would not be able to have a child themselves deeply long to be a mother and that's a positive thing on the negative side you have the feeling that somewhere out there. There's a trial that I had a part in giving birth to and I will never know who they are, so that's something to live with and then we have had situations in which people did trace back and find the person and can be you know it can be good.

It can be struggle so I don't think we can say totally you know. Yes, this is the Christian position on this or know this is not a Christian position on this. If something were facing in our time. That was never that we did not face, and other times because such things were not possible in those days and I can certainly understand the concern of this mother because it's something new to her mind, the very thought of this is new to her and just doesn't seem right, or at least that's what I'm picking up Chris on the way she asked the question, so I don't know you have landed that Chris boy I I would not dare step for the church say about this but I and I I totally understand mom. I think part of her struggle is that there's a financial component to this. You know, there is because there are people who become surrogates for somebody else because they really care and so then the mom and the dad get together and that somebody else carries the child enough and there's a hold of problem with that as well that many people have. This is this is not that this is a financial gain for something that is part of my body that goes to someone that I probably not going to ever know.

I don't know that that the daughter would wants to know what so there is that component as well that it feels like you're making money from your own your own body and that feels kinda off to her right and I did not address that aspect of it to Chris but I think it is important. Glad you brought it up because it seems to me that for if a person is going to do this, there should be more than simply a financial motivation. It either ought to be a real desire a picture of what this will mean to some mother out there who cannot have a child without something like this.

I would tend to be concerned. Also if it's just you know she's having financial problems and this is the way she can make money.

I think there will be a deeper motivation and I think communication you talk about chocolate that just about every program that we do. Communication is key.

If the daughter feels judged by mom if she feels she that's going to push her away. The mom doesn't want to communicate that she's gonna love the, the daughter, whatever she does. If she really does love her unconditionally.

She got look whatever you decide in this you know I still love you and I'm here for you, but the struggle is what we do right now right here right now to to allow the mom to communicate to the to the daughter. These real deep concerns think you're exactly right Chris, we need to talk about it not not simply in silence condemn her. She can feel condemned without your saying words of condemnation.

I think another suggestion I would give is, if you're involved in a church would be to talk about the B talk with the pastor about it together just so we want to share this with you get your concept. Get your ideas on this as well help us think about this because sometimes listening to someone else and someone else hearing the concept. It can help both of you think about whether this is a wise thing to do or not, and it is a you know you bring the theological end of this we were uniquely wonderfully created and crafted by God himself and so there are theologians and people in an academic and medical ethicists who are believers who have thought about these questions, so there's probably someone out there who's considered this, who is a well formed opinion about it that you could seek out and I think that communication is key. Our program is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman and this is our dear Gary broadcast for January 2021. We would love to hear your questions for Dr. Chapman cost today and leave your message.

The number is 186-6424 Gary, this is not a counseling line. We can't call you back. But if you keep question as brief as possible. Will try to address it here on the program call is now 186-6424 Gary featured resource is the book that started it all. "The 5 Love Languages" . The secret to love that lasts perfect for Valentine's Day.

Find out more about it at the website. Five love again. Five love abuse and marriage. What you do. Listen to this next call Gary about I 20 years. Bonnie ethically are we getting out of help on fear of leaving their spouse a much greater bear in arms thank you Krista scholars addressing key issues in way too many marriages and that is the verbal and physical abuse, and to simply accept that sort of thing over a long period of time is really not a loving response in a loving response is I love you too much to do nothing and watch you destroy me and harm her children.

If you have children and also harm yourself.

And so you know what I'm going to do is to move in with my mom or I'm going to do whatever and not abandoning you I love you and whenever you're willing to deal with this issue and you get some counseling perfectly happy to go with you for counseling at the right time when the counselor is ready to see me and perhaps we can work things out but I love you too much to sit here and do nothing.

So that kind of separation is a loving act and not simply an act of abandoning the other person. Now if they obviously are not willing to go for that counseling. Not willing to deal with those issues, then the relationship may not be resolved. I think sometimes that Christians are reluctant to take this kind of loving action because I know how strongly God feels about divorce and I don't want to be the one to cause a divorce, but I'm not talking about divorce.

I'm talking about meaningful separation, which is designed to stimulate the person to get the help they need. We hear this a lot, especially men who will call my wife moved out and I don't know what to do here and you hear the desperation in their voices and sometimes that's done lovingly and sometimes not. To be honest with you, and you been very clear about that. You're not just supposed to stay in an abusive marriage and take it but sometimes the church gets accused of saying that you've heard that right think that's true, Chris. At least that's the impression that sometimes people get from the sermons that that we sometimes preach because we are so strong on the value of marriage. You know, and when you commit yourself to stay in that marriage and and and certainly there is a commitment that were to stay in that marriage but we also committed to trying to do what is the loving thing for the person and if they are abusing us. It's not a loving thing to simply let that happen to do nothing about it in the loving thing is to try to hold them accountable if I could take a different illustration of an alcoholic or drug abuser is likely not going to get help until a person applies what we sometimes call tough love and says to them, to a spouse in a I love you too much to sit here and simply want to destroy yourself, so I cannot be a part of this and I'm going to move out temporarily or whatever and I'm not now, not only I'm not abandoning you I love you and I want you to get help and if you will get help and deal with this issue we can have a wonderful marriage and that's what I'm praying for. That's what I went to work toward that is a loving approach. Whatever the nature of the offense. If it's something that is so gripped the other person that they will never change until they have a crisis it's a crisis like that that often leads alcoholics and drug abusers to get the help they need will if you have a response to that question and answer or something else that's going on in your relationships. Here's the number 186-6424 Gary leave your message. We can call you back. This is not a counseling line but if you leave a brief description of your are a struggle or the question that you have for Dr. Chapman would love to address it. 186-6424 Gary workplace issues can be really difficult if you ever struggled with that is our next caller. My job against my apartment and now things are being lie lie lie in the office or file a claim that I did not do. I was told that out of the pop on the job.

I was confrontational and I confrontational at all.

I been on my job 34 years, but a little more for suspended things that is not not right, I'm so mentally and that I might apply for another position.

It's just hired. I look at a hospital. I've been in several different agencies 34 years I probably Copies that all elected women are that this is very jealous that they see fit.

The light in you I say if price that's what I believe it and they just don't care about you think this very jealous, but there jealous of something insecure in their own self and on the target. I keep my mouth shut. However, today the day they will tell me whether or not I'm tired. I have my Paycheck is wrong.

I spoke to a lawyer. Currently the case that we receive this call.

Some time ago so I really don't know how this is worked out for the caller but I do know that there are many people who are in the job related situations where they feel like they been treated unfairly and whenever that happens I think to three things are important.

One is to ask ourselves is there any truth to what is being said, because sometimes we have one perception with others around seven different perception and so I think it's always good to start with yourself. Lord, is there something here that I need to learn from this light coming across the wrong way to people that will make it a learning experience. Secondly, I think we need to take steps that will try to address the problem and that would be to go to the person first of all, your immediate supervisor. Perhaps the immediate supervisor is the one who is called you in accusing you these things and so that's got nothing to be very helpful but I think going to the supervisor and saying it like to just share my perspective on this and I know you've given me your perspective. I will give you my perspective because sometimes in conversation, you can share things that they're not aware of that can help them see things from a different light.

And maybe there's some background between you and this person who is accused you that the supervisor know about what I'm saying is communication with the people under whose umbrella you are working can always be a positive step may not resolve the problem is a positive step in terms of the law.

Your people have different opinions on this as to whether it's an advantage to file a lawsuit. A lot depends on the issues that are there and what evidence is there that sort of thing. On the other hand sometimes you can get into a long drawn out, you know litigation that leads nowhere. So I guess again it would depend on the nature of the offense and what the implications are for you, but I do think exploring the possibility of moving to another job would certainly be in place when you've done everything you know to do to try to make things different.

There, I don't think it's healthy to stay in a work situation where you just feel oppressed and you just hate to go to work because it's so oppressive there comes a time to look for another job so I think often that is the ultimate answer is to get out of that pressured situation and find a job where you will not only enjoy what you're doing, but will feel appreciated by the people for whom and with your working and probably somebody listen right now is going through a similar type of thing where they just don't feel fulfilled, where they are and then there come the storms.

I think God sometimes allows that to happen to put us on the track wheel.

We talked about the about waiting well and are waiting on God and seeing what he has in store for us that can be of a difficult process when you're in the middle of it.

But as you look back on it when he opens another door for you and you walk through it. It can be really fulfilling. I think that's true. I think sometimes God uses pressure on us and think. Let's allows things to happen to us in a situation because he wants to move us to another place so we should always be open to that possibility.

This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman featured resource today is the book that started all "The 5 Love Languages" we have it.

You can find out more at and this is our dear Gary broadcast but we take your questions are number 186-6424 Gary leave a message. We may get to it on a future broadcast his question from a concerned dad on Building Relationships. I have adult children are struggling in some ways. If the book love languages for children would be appropriate is a difference a questionnaire at all.

Men and in your house and your supervision and much much different.

Of course when they're in her 20s in building your own lives I feel in some ways I still need some kind of affirmation. Anyway, if I get some cutter plan would appreciate it. I think the book that I wrote on the five love lines of children is designed for parents who have elementary age children.

That's the focus of that book.

I do however have another book that I met with Dr. Ross Campbell, who is a Christian psychiatrist.

He's in heaven now, and that book is called how to really love your adult child and I think you would find that book to be very helpful because it's written specifically to parents of adult children and it deals with the various dynamics that are in that kind of relationship. Certainly, adult children need to be affirmed and then knowing their love language and speaking their love language would certainly be an important part of loving your adult children, but there's a lot of other information that book that I think you'll find extremely helpful. Would you say to the parent listing right now who has had that, especially in the last year with COBIT a lot of adult children have moved back home for obvious reasons and a lot more is going on inside the home. You know work inside the home to and you see them struggling. Is there anything that that you would suggest for them to do. Once that has happened.

I think one thing Chris is to first of all, be empathetic with that adult child because they likely are not happy with themselves to be back at home I would much prefer to have a full-time job would be working and making on their own and that they certainly don't need condemnation. At the same time. I think if they're going to be there for a while. You need to have conversations about what does this look like. And while you are here. How can you help in the family because every family member will the team here and every family member should be having an input so we are happy to help you during this time and what's the best way we can help you and maybe one of the ways to help is by exploring the possibility if they need additional training as a young adult in order to get a job that's going to be meaningful to them so they have an interest that they've never really been able to explore maybe offering to pay for them to go to the local community college and take some courses that would prepare them for particular vocation because sometimes this is this is the problem with adult children living home. They don't have the skills to find a job where they can support themselves so I think what you want to do is make it a learning experience and also acknowledge that is temporary, you know where we want you to be here.

We want to help you through the crisis time, but we also will help prepare you so that you can live your own life, because we know that's what you want and that's what we want for you as well. If you enjoy our program, please visit our website. Five love There you find out more about Dr. Gary Chapman's New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" happens to be our featured resource today. You can also hear podcasts of the program and find out about your love language. If you enjoy our dear Gary broadcast every month with your question or comment by calling us at 186-6424 Gary that's 186-6424 Gary would love to hear from you today.

We had a call or a some time ago, who left a message and I titled this love of my life and here's a situation Gary L just beget because that the phone line was a little noisy.

Basically he's fallen in love with someone with a woman and she lives in the Philippines and he just loves her dearly and the main thing that I pulled out of the question.

Was I just I just want a little happiness in my life and I want for both of us. Would you pray for us.

The complication comes in that he doesn't have a passport to get to her.

He's also had some trouble with the law.

There was a conviction so there are some complicating factors here. He did say I've given my life over to God and what I hear him saying is I've I've given my life to God.

Why doesn't he give me this one thing that's going to make me happy in my life which is marrying this person in another country. So that's the gist of his question, would you say to well up my observation would be a first of all that he is in the middle of what we typically call falling in love is is get these euphoric feelings for someone he's met online. I'm guessing and they had a lot of conversations and he's got all these strong feelings for her and he has the idea that she is the one that will make me happy if I can be with this woman and marry this woman. I'm going to be happy forever.

That's a very common fault and feeling when you're in love with somebody. However, being in love is not the foundation for successful marriage. Many, many people fall in love and marry someone and then there very unhappy when they come down off of that short-term in love experience.

It has average life span of two years and you come down off that the fact that he has a felony in his background. The fact that he has been denied a passport, probably based on the felony. The fact that he's had a family makes it pretty unlikely that he's going to be able to go to the Philippines. That's my judgment is asking us to pray that he'll be able to do that and I would ask for God, your will, you know Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. He said father future will let this cup pass from me I don't I don't really want to go to the cross. But what I want is your will, about this I think needs to be the attitude of this person and people who are in similar situations that Lord that you know this in my mind, this is what I want. This would really make me happy amassed you to do this for me but really God. What I want is your will, because, you see, God knows everything about him and everything about her and God knows whether this is his plan, his will for this gentleman and so fine. Express your desires for God, but keep an open hand and realize if God says no and he doesn't work this out for you it's because he loves you and he knows this is not his plan for you and I remember years ago when I was younger I prayed that God would touch the heart of this woman that I was in love with and convince her that she should marry me. Looking back on it. I'm glad God didn't enter that prayer, so I'm glad that this person is given their life to Christ. That's the starting point and and and then I think you walk with him. Go get in the church get involved with people in the church and the seek to grow as a Christian and that if God doesn't work this out for you, he'll bring somebody along. If it is his plan for you to get married, you bring somebody along with the right time. Who will be the person that God will use to enrich your life and you can enrich their life knowing I want to make a point here.

To anybody who has had something in the past some conviction in the past, quote unquote where somebody is stamped on you.

You're guilty of this or that of the other thing that does not disqualify you from life. It doesn't disqualify you from love. It certainly doesn't disqualify you from the kingdom of God because that's why he came because were all guilty before him but I just want you to speak in the life of people who have made mistakes in the past and are living under the weight of some of those mistakes that they don't have to live under that way right that you brought that up Chris because you're exactly right God forgives us, and in God receives SS's children and from that juncture, owner will follow him. He has good plans for us. There are of course consequences to the things that we did wrong you know if if you for example were involved in a sexual illicit sexual relationships over period of time and get a disease from that you still have the disease they want to become a Christian. So you know there are consequences that we have to live with but it doesn't mean that I would always be unhappy and lifeless, and given your life to Christ opens up a whole new chapter in your life and you say Lord you know my past. I know you don't hold it against me now give me wisdom on how to live the future and we walk into the future and God has plans for us.

I don't care what we done in the past. All you have to do is read the Bible and the characters in the Bible to know that that's truly anything in the lineage of Jesus. We talked about that for some rascals back their home rascals.

So God bless you. If you're living under the weight of that. I hope that's a good word for you. Now here's an interesting question about religion and relationships.

Listen to this call. Told never really been so close to religion. Until recently I had a breakup with a beautiful woman that was so good to me but I have anger issues work together for 3 1/2 years. She is a great woman I took for granted. She took the way I miss her so much.

We were living together elixir for half years. It took a lot out of me talk about suicide attempts (now I am praying to God more than ever to bring me back to her. I'm trying my best. I think this is God's way of saying you know what you need to come closer to me if there would've been color her, I wouldn't be close to God where I am now. Please pray for me by this, starting in the right direction and that is to God whenever you go through an experience of a broken relationship. It is a mostly very very painful and in the midst of that. If that causes us to turn to God more fully. It's worth the pain because our ultimate satisfaction. Life is found in a relationship with with God through Jesus Christ our Lord. And so I think of the callers moving in the right direction. Whether or not it is God's plan for the two of them to get back together. I do not know and he cannot know this to be to be God's plan. What he can know is this. He continues to walk with God, and walk closely with God if this is God's plan for his life. God can work in her heart. And yes, bring them back together. But if it is not God's plan. The closer he walks to God, the happier he'll be that he is not doing something that is outside God's plan for him so seeking God is the way to go and I would encourage you to do this with other Christians. If you're not already in a Christian Bible Fellowship group.

I would encourage you to get in such a group and let others walk with you on this journey, but seeking God and walking with God whether or not he brings this lady back into your life you're going to find the greatest sense of fulfillment in life by following Jesus. What you to speak to one thing that he mentioned in their where he considered suicide and in our society and our culture.

Suicide is growing exponentially.

One is enough.

But then you see all the different numbers in the den and the families that have been devastated by that kind of a choice which you talk about the.

The seriousness of just having that contemplation are thinking along those lines, and in what you do with that understand emotionally how we can get to the place where we feel so broken, so hurt, so hopeless, so helpless that we think were the best thing for me interested check out and I can understand how people get there emotionally. That is never God's plan for us to take our own life. It's never everyone God and they will never make things better. Obviously if you're Christian you don't want to face God with the reality that you and your very last act was something breaking break in his heart by taking your own life, and if you don't know God, you certainly don't want to die without a relationship with God.

So while I'm empathetic with those emotions and feelings. I would say let let that lead us to pursuing help reach out to a pastor reach out to a trusted friend reach out to a counselor and let them help us work through those thoughts and those feelings rather than simply yielding to that many, many people are hurt when people turn to suicide, and it certainly does not enhance the life of the person who decided to end their own life. So reach out for help, rather than trying to process your emotions by yourself. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" . That's our featured resource it subtitled the secret to love that lasts again. You can find out more at and would love to hear your question on the program.

186-6424 Gary is our number you call that number and leave a message, you might hear it on a future broadcast.

I particularly love it when you hear someone on the radio call and it makes you want to respond and what you listen to this response. He's calling because under previous program we have someone younger woman call who said basically I can't find a good guys out there. Everybody just wants a physical relationship. They're in it for sex and I don't want to live that way and Gary answered that question. Now listen to the call had Gary call person a girl who wants so discouraged because sexual variety clients and I am 53, my wife sticking to the workweek, which it seems when it happened and the environment. We are young people, when many people married and unmarried, and I can tell you and I like to correspond person that many people's single man that really are looking for girls like her dad day. Keep economy to keep their relationship" ways God wants all he meant it to be sought.

There are man real man good man people creased him people looking for women like her, so I like to park her car. Thank you. Appreciate that this Tillman calling because, among other things, I am saying is listen.

Don't give up and think that there are no good Christian men out there that want to have a loving, supportive, caring marriage relationship.

On the other hand, I understand the frustration of a young girl who has had several encounters with various men. It sounds like and who are not interested in marriage. There simply interesting, satisfy their own desires that can become very discouraging. But if I were talking to the young lady on site here. Listen to this man. There are good men out there where you find good men who are interested in marriage you find him typically in settings where there seeking God and God's plans for their lives. Where did Abraham's servant go to find a wife for Isaac. He went back to his homeland where Abraham instructed him to go and he went to the well where women showed up every day so you go to where they are. If you want to find a Christian man, you go to work. Christian men are and typically that's in a church that Sunday Bible study that's in some kind of Christian group that sometimes may be interchurch or may be sponsored by a group of Christians who are who are not in a particular church but go to where Christian men are and that's where you find those who are single and who want to have a marriage and you want to follow God's plan for marriage in God's plan for relating to each other so that would be Debbie my suggestion though I'm deeply still deeply empathetic with this lady who said you not just don't find unaware they are okay fine man like this, see good thing that happens when you respond to a caller on the program.

We get even further and deeper into the conversation on Building Relationships. A call is 866424 Gary our final call is about a marriage where only one spouse wears a ring here we go again encourage that the listener is reading "The 5 Love Languages" because often in reading that book. People come to understand why the marriage got to the place of separation that is looking back you realize they didn't speak your love language or you can speak their love language and neither one of you felt loved and then conflicts arose and you argued with each other and said hurtful things of each other and eventually get to the place where you just think you know this is not good. That book can be very helpful. However, I have another book that would also be perhaps even more helpful.

It's called one more try what to do when your marriage is falling apart and it's written to people who are either already separated are contemplating separation and it's it's basically saying I can understand how you can get to the place where you just feel like it would be better apart. Just give up on this relationship, but don't assume that you tried everything and with some of the things that I discuss in there things that you can do now it's true. You cannot make your spouse return or you cannot make your spouse change but you can influence your spouse and that book deals with the power of having a positive influence on your spouse and it certainly does not come by condemnation or criticism or blaming them or saying negative things to them that simply drives them further away.

It comes from unconditional love. The kind of love that God has for us. Remember God loved us while we were still sinners and sent Christ to die for us. So yes, learning the love language of your spouse even though you're separated and with whatever contact you may have expressing love to them in a meaningful way to them. I can be used of God to touch their hearts and touch their minds. Another part of that process is to look for your own failures in the past where did I fail in this marriage relationship God will answer that prayer to asking and then you confess those things to God and then you confess them to your spouse and so you not look I realize I have failed you in many ways. I know that I blamed you for leaving me but I know that I let you down. In many ways and you just you share it and asked forgiveness.

So these are the kind of things that you will find in that book ways and things that you can do that have the potential of touching their heart and remember God is always with you. He is always working in the heart of the other person as you pray for them, but you're his instrument for loving them and dealing with your own failures and acknowledging them and then seeking reconciliation. You can't make it happen. But you can have a positive influence.

Can you talk to the person who took the ring off because I II. I think that is a this is a passive aggressive is it just giving up hope you know to take to take the ring off there's something symbolic about the ring and the commitment that you make that just feel so sad to me but the person is listening right now says I'm ready take that ring off. I won't wear it anymore.

What would you say something typically occurs when a person gets to that place. They are contemplating separation and they may already be involved with someone else, at least emotionally, and so they want to take off the symbol that I'm committed to someone else so they went there with someone, maybe, to whom they have an attraction that they don't want them to think that I'm married to somebody else they want to they want to appear to be free to enter engage in that relationship would just so you know when you get to that place.

It's time to really seek God and I understand emotionally how people get to that place, and Satan wants to pull marriages apart wants to get us involved with other people. But if we turn our hearts toward God and seek him, he can heal broken relationships. Chris, my whole life has been invested in helping people who come to that place and feeling like there's no hope, and seeing God revolutionize their lives when they are willing to take steps in the right direction. There's always hope.

Even though we take a ring office symbolic that I'm no longer attached to this person you know there can be reconciliation and that is always what God intends. God desires as we close here today. Would you would you prefer that that person and that marriage that's that struggling right now.

Sure father. You know not not all of the people are called in and left these messages, but you know those who are listening today and those who are struggling in their marriage and hearing what were saying today.

I pray father that your spirit will touch their spirit. First of all bring to them the reality that you love them no matter what is happened in the past you love them and you have good plans for them and I pray that your spirit will draw them to yourself that they'll be open to confess and repent of their own failures in the past, turned their lives fully over to you and's ask you to guide them from this small moment forward. Father, I know that you never guide us in the wrong direction. And so I pray for your work in the hearts and minds of those who may be listening desperately need your help in the name of Christ will before we conclude a want to give you that number. The question you call in and ask may help somebody else down the road and here's how you do that 186-6424 Gary 186-6424 Gary and leave your comment. Your response or question that you have and don't forget to check out resource. Five love languages the seek to love that lasts five love and coming up next week is one of the hardest things to do with the spiritual benefit of the chart. Talk about waiting in one. I can't wait.

Gary, yes you can Andrea make that time Building Relationships.

Dr. Gary Chapman's action leading radio in Chicago in his ministry and violence. Thanks for listening

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