Help Her Be Brave- Amy Ford

What if abortion became illegal today? Would the church be prepared to help women with an unplanned pregnancy? When I invite these girls, a lot of times they're just like, wait, you want me to go to a church? They think it's about behavior modification when really it's about a heart transformation. And that's what we want to show them, God's love through His people and His church.

Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . Our guest today believes that if abortion became illegal today, the church would not be ready to help women practically, spiritually, and emotionally. She says it's time to change that. The president of Embrace Grace, Amy Ford, will join us. This is a summer best of broadcast that aired in March of this year, and our featured resource is Amy Ford's book, Help Her Be Brave, Discover Your Place in the Pro-Life Movement. And our hope, Gary, is that this conversation would encourage people to do that, not simply to talk about how important life is, but to mobilize and get involved. You know, Chris, I think this is one of the great needs in this whole area. We talk about this as Christians, you know, we believe in life, and yet most Christians really don't know. How can I be involved?

How can I be more involved? So I'm anticipating this conversation with Amy, and I think our listeners are going to find some really practical ideas. Amy Ford is the president of Embrace Grace Incorporated, a nonprofit organization formed for the purpose of providing curriculum and leadership support for churches nationwide to open their arms to young women with unplanned pregnancies.

Embrace Grace is utilized by more than 700 churches across the nation around the world. She's also the co-host of the Help Her Be Brave podcast show, which can be viewed at HelpHerBeBrave.com. Amy lives in Arlington, Texas. She's been married for 21 years.

She and her husband have four children. Well, Amy, welcome to Building Relationships. Hi, thank you so much for having me.

We're glad you're with us. Tell us your story. You were 19, and you faced a huge decision.

Right. Well, I found out I was pregnant at 19. I grew up in a Christian home, and I went to a Christian school, but I didn't have a relationship with the Lord.

I just went through the actions of going to church and things, but I didn't have the relationship, and I ended up finding myself with an unexpected pregnancy. And I was terrified to tell my parents. I thought they were going to hate me. You know, the enemy lies to you when you're in that situation and you think up the most terrible worst case scenario situations that can happen. And I thought we'd be homeless and that, you know, the black sheep of the family, all of that. And so even though I knew abortion was wrong, it became an option for me that I was thinking about.

Like, maybe this is just the magic button that makes everything, you know, makes us go away. And I'll just deal with the consequences of a broken heart later. And I was being deceived. And so me and the father of the baby, we scheduled an abortion appointment and we had paid for it. I went in and as they were explaining, you know, how they do the procedure and everything, I ended up actually hyperventilating and passing out in the abortion room. And when I came to, the nurses were fanning me, trying to give me a drink of water. And they said, you're too emotionally distraught to make this decision today.

You can come back another day, but today you're not getting an abortion. And so I went back out into the waiting room and told the father of the baby we're still pregnant. He could see my face was swollen from crying so hard.

And we just kind of looked at each other like, OK, like this is what we're going to try to figure this out. And we had been together for several years and we knew that we wanted to get married someday, but never expecting this to happen. But we went ahead and decided to get married while I was pregnant. And when we told our parents, it wasn't as bad as what we thought it would be.

You know, they definitely were disappointed in the timing, but they were supportive. And whenever we got married, we asked this man that had a pastor that had led my husband to the Lord years before if he would marry us. And he said, no, I'm sorry, I can't bless this marriage because he's sinned. And so I will not marry you. And we were like, oh, my goodness, like we are such horrible people. We can't even get married.

Right. And and then we found someone else that would marry us. But it felt like a scarlet letter, you know, on our wedding day. And we tried to go back to church, but it's like the elephant in the room. People don't know whether to say congratulations or I'm sorry.

So they don't say anything and you just feel alone in a crowd of people. So we kind of just stopped going for a while. But one thing that's pretty cool is that pastor that wouldn't marry us. A couple of years later, he called my husband out of the blue and he asked for forgiveness.

He said that he felt like it was his worst mistake in pastoring history that he had ever made. And my husband loves this guy. He was like, yes, of course, I forgive you. And they're still great friends to this day. And I ended up having a son and he is amazing. He actually is 22 and loves the Lord, just graduated from Oral Roberts University with a degree in theology. And he just got married.

And I just can't imagine my life without him. And when he was 16, that pastor that wouldn't marry us asked me to come speak at his church about Embrace Grace, this ministry that I started and talk about the pro-love movement, which is something that we talk a lot about, about being pro-life and pro-love. And and so I shared and afterwards he asked me to come back on stage and he said, are on the platform. And he said, Amy, years ago, I asked your husband for forgiveness, but I never really asked you, will you forgive me?

I was like, yes, of course, I was 16 years ago. I forgave you a long time ago, you know, all of that. Well, then he asked my son, 16 years old, to come up on the platform and he said, Jess, will you forgive me for planting seeds of rejection in your heart while you were in your mother's womb?

I rejected you. Will you forgive me? And my son, 16, in front of the whole church says, I forgive you. And it was such a powerful moment in that church, like you could just feel church wounds being lifted just all over.

And the fact that he would humble himself in that way is just so beautiful. And so all of this has really just helped open my eyes to the power that the church has in actually helping women save lives. I didn't feel comfortable going to the church to talk about my situation.

It was the last place I wanted to go to. And so what we do at Embrace Grace is we want the church to be one of the first places a girl runs to instead of the last because of shame and guilt. Yeah, yeah. Well, tears come to my eyes when I hear you share all of that. Well, tell us about Embrace Grace.

Why did you start this organization and where does the title come from? Well, we prayed about a name and we just really felt like Embrace Grace. It's the girls embracing God's grace for themselves and then it's even the church embracing grace for these girls. But what we do is we have support groups in churches all over the nation for women with unexpected pregnancies. We want the church to be a safe place for them to get back on their feet, to be discipled, to be loved on. So we give the churches all the curriculum and the training to be able to welcome these girls in. We connect them to local pro-life pregnancy centers where girls go when they find out they're pregnant and they refer the girls to the local churches that have Embrace Grace groups. And these support groups, they get the 12-week study and then they get a baby shower as part of it and they have a Princess Day, which is all about their identity and their value and their worth. And we just want to help them fall in love with Jesus and introduce them to their Heavenly Father. And just because their baby is unplanned by them, the baby is planned by God and that he knows what he's doing. And so to really just empower her in her decision and choosing life and helping her get back on her feet. So we're in over 700 churches in 47 states and 10 countries that do Embrace Grace groups at their churches. Did you have any support like that when you were going through this yourself?

No. In fact, I just felt so alone. Even though I was married, you know, a lot of these moms that we have in Embrace Grace, the baby dad isn't involved and they just feel completely alone. And then your friends kind of distance themselves. And like I said earlier, people don't know whether to say congratulations or I'm sorry.

So it just kind of feels like you're completely alone. And I know that I would have loved to have a support system like this when I was pregnant. And I can't tell you how many people, women, come to me and say, if there was something like this years ago, I probably wouldn't have chosen abortion. And so we just want the church to be known for their love. Because when I invite these girls, a lot of times they're just like, wait, you want me to go to a church?

Did you know that I'm pregnant and I'm single? And their first thought is that they think it's about behavior modification when really it's about a heart transformation. And that's what we want to show them, God's love through his people and his church. Yeah, yeah. We began our program today with the question, if abortion became illegal today, would the church be ready?

How do you answer that? Well, we're getting there and I'm seeing a huge change from even 10, 20 years ago. But really, we're going to have to, as the church, be ready to help women physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Like we can't just vote a certain way. And then when a girl finds out she's pregnant, as the church just say, good luck, hope it works out for you.

We can't really help you and we have to be ready. I was talking to a girl the other day. She said that when she first found out she was pregnant, she was crying so hard, so emotional, didn't know what to do. And she emailed three churches in her community. She had never stepped foot in a church at all, ever, and emailed three churches to say, I need help. Can you tell me what to do?

Is there someone I can talk to? And only one responded. And that one had an Embraced Grace group and got her connected in. And so if we can't even, you know, sit down and have a conversation or respond to an email, we're not ready. And we have to get the church ready. Amy, in what ways does the pro-life movement extend beyond just the decision to have a baby?

Oh, wow. You know, I never, I've grown up in church my entire life and I never knew there was a pro-life movement. Like when I thought about pro-life movement, I thought that meant picketers standing outside abortion clinics and telling girls to repent and, you know, all of that. Because that's all the media shows.

Like they don't show anything really more. And so I was asked to speak at this pro-life conference when my first book came out. And even starting Embraced Grace, we weren't like, let's start a pro-life organization. That never even crossed our minds. We were just like, let's help women with unplanned pregnancies.

Like I just never knew. So if I was asked to speak at this pro-life conference, then I had never heard of the organization ever, you know, and grown up in my church. My whole is a huge organization.

Now that I look back, I couldn't believe that I had never heard of them. So I showed up and we had our booth and I was blown away by the hundreds. Just there at that specific conference of vendors and booths, of organizations, of boots on the ground, helping these women not only through just the pregnancy, but for her like single motherhood and going into just being a young, young single mom. And in Embrace Grace specifically, I believe as the church, like we can help her whole life if she'll allow it.

And if she'll get plugged in because we're a spiritual family and we help each other, you know. And so the pro-life movement specifically within the church is forever. But these organizations that are out there, I just was completely blown away of how many people want to help and they have creative ways on how to help. And they go way beyond just the pregnancy and going into empowering her as a woman in her walk and parenting, whether she chooses to place her baby for adoption or choose to parent. What do you say to those who criticize pro-lifers, you know, and they say, well, all you care about is the unborn.

Yeah, we hear that sometimes, but it's really a lack of education of not knowing what's out there. And again, like in Embrace Grace, I'm just witnessing the church coming together in so many creative ways. Like just looking at, like my husband, he's great at finances and financial things. He's an insurance agent, so he helps this single mom mentor her with showing her how to do her finances, because that's one thing he's passionate about. We've seen people help with child care.

We've seen people help with helping her start a resume and get a new job. I mean, the church has all these amazing people and resources that we can use to make a difference. I know one time there was this woman that came up to me who's a pro-life atheist and she just believes in the science side of being pro-life. And she asked me to speak at Berkeley College and she was going to have pro-life speakers there all day. And she's like, will you speak? And I said, well, yeah, I guess. But like, you know, I talk about God and the church and that's kind of my thing I get passionate about. She said, yeah, I don't believe in your God, but I believe in the power of your people. And if you could get your people to actually do something, this issue wouldn't be an issue anymore. And it was like, oh, wow, that is a statement and actually really true.

We have over 300,000 churches in America. Like if we really were doing something, anything, whatever strength, passion, gift that we have inside each of us. How can we use that to help a woman be brave in her life decision? And that could be more like as a single mom helping someone with their with their child care or babysitting. Sometimes little things like that help empower her to know, like, oh, I have all of the support that's out there.

Why would I feel the need to go choose an abortion when there's so many amazing people out there that want to help me along the way? And not necessarily handouts left and right. These are hand ups, like let's empower her and help her towards her dreams so that she can sustain in parenting and be able to do it and not just survive, but thrive. Yeah.

Well, let's look at the other side. What about the woman who decides to follow through with an abortion or maybe she's already had one? How do we minister to her?

Oh, my gosh, yes, I'm super passionate about this, too. I believe that every church should have abortion healing groups within their churches. There's great curriculum out there to choose from and having a small group of abortion healing. I once was speaking at a conference at my church and it was a big women's conference that they have every year. It was at a big convention center and there were 10,000 women there and they were interviewing me about Embrace Grace. And, you know, I always say women that choose life are brave and all of this stuff. And so the lady that interviewed me was like, OK, thank you so much for coming and sharing. And I just felt the Holy Spirit prompt me. And I said, hold on one second. I want to say one more thing. I said, there are 10,000 women that are in this arena.

And that means about twenty five hundred of you have experienced an abortion because one in four women and men have experienced an abortion. And I just want to let you know that God loves you and that you're not disqualified from ministry, that you are qualified. He wants to heal your heart this weekend at this conference. And in Revelation 12, 11 says we overcome by the blood of the layman, the word of our testimony.

So use your story to save lives, to change lives and be bold and just had a couple of sentences. That was it went off the stage. Well, afterwards, I went back to our booth after that session ended. And we were completely overwhelmed and inundated with women. They had, you know, mascara, you know, running down their cheeks.

And you just have this look in their eye like you knew why they were there. And but I remember specifically there were these three women and they had matching T-shirts. They were sisters that were having this fun conference weekend.

And the one in the middle could barely walk. They were like even holding her up and they brought her to me and they said she's very overwhelmed with the motion right now. So she can't she she's gathering her her thoughts, but they she wanted to come talk to you.

And I will never forget. She looked at me and these tears are just running down her face. And she said, you mean to tell me that God can use me? Like it was just something that had never dawned on her that that God can forgive and that God can use her. And I believe there are women and men in our pews that feel the exact same way and they're not telling anyone about their past abortion.

And it's really holding them back from all of the things that God wants to do in and through them because of the shame that they're carrying from it. And if we can help set these people free, free people, free people. I believe it can be a revival at our churches, like it would change everything and all. You know, it doesn't have to be a big sermon on why abortion is wrong or anything like that.

I mean, I just said a couple of sentences at the end of my talk. And that was just like a breakthrough that happened in so many women's lives. And that girl went on to lead an Embrace Grace group. And so she's able to be the person that she wished she had years ago when she made her abortion decision. She gets to be the person she wished was around for her. And it's so healing to be able, like that Revelation 12-11, it's healing to be able to tell our story and help women not feel like they have to make the decision that she did years ago or that I almost did.

Yeah. Well, many of our listeners are involved in churches, of course. What are the first steps that a church can take towards supporting mothers who are facing an unplanned pregnancy? Well, I think for sure knowing who and what your local pregnancy center and where it is. Almost every community has these pregnancy centers.

They're completely free for the woman. They get a free pregnancy test, a sonogram, find that, know where it is so that when you do meet someone that has an unexpected pregnancy, you can take her there and she can get the support. And those centers know all the resources that are out there in your community that can help her be brave in her decision. And so that is first and foremost.

And then second, starting an Embrace Grace group at your church and welcoming her in. And all of these girls help each other as well. And they know what resources are out there. The girls that are pregnant, the leaders get to lead them and help them in their walk with the Lord.

And that is integral. And then just even knowing what resources in your community are out there and the pregnancy centers can help you with that. But I think that every church should have a resource list of all the organizations that want to help in your community. So that if a girl is making a decision to choose life, but she really needs help in this area or that area, that you know what kind of support is out there in every in every community is different.

But most communities have a lot. You just have to dig into know where that is and have every pastor equipped with that list so that they can be ready if a girl comes to them. A lot of pastors feel like, oh, you know, we don't have pregnant people in our church. I hear that a lot.

And number one, yes, you do. You've got pregnant people in your church. Or say it's just an older church with older people and it's small and you really don't have pregnant people in your church. Well, we want to change the perspective of that.

And we have to look at it as an outreach. Like, go find them. They're everywhere. Go to the pregnancy centers and tell them you want their their clients that come in.

Go to the Facebook buy sell trade pages. I see them post all the time that they're pregnant and need help and they're scared. Or go to the high schools and talk to the nurses that are the student nurses that are there because they find out there, too. And just even letting your church be word of mouth.

You know, my hairdresser's daughter's pregnant or whatever. And be equipped with all of that so that you can welcome them in to your church so that they can be loved on, supported, empowered and equipped. I hear you saying, first of all, discover what is going on in your community through the pregnancy centers primarily.

Start there. And they probably know what's going on in the rest of the community. And then let them know that the people in your church are willing and open to help if they can give guidance on that and you're into it.

Right. What are the most common reasons why a woman chooses an abortion and how can the church step in and address those reasons? Well, fear is the root of every abortion decision. If you look at the top five reasons, it's fear of being alone or the baby dad leaving, fear of my parents hating me, fear of education being interrupted. There's also fear, financial fears, not having enough money, not being able to support a child. But fear is the root of every abortion decision. And so that's why my book, Help Her Be Brave, Discover Your Place in the Pro-Life Movement, that is why our tagline is what it is to help her be brave.

How can we help eliminate the fear and help her be brave in her decision? You know, I wish there was like a cookie cutter way we help save a baby and empower a woman. You know, A plus B equals C, a baby saved, a woman empowered.

But it's very Holy Spirit led. It's very unique with every girl's situation of what she needs, what kind of support she needs. And so walking alongside her in that is super important. And so but I will say this book, Help Her Be Brave, it has over 300 ideas of how you can use your strengths, passion, and gifts to help a woman be brave in her decision.

Lots of stories that will inspire, but especially just practical things that you can do to help her in her decision and, you know, and doing it in a way because God put strengths and gifts inside each of us, things that we love to do already. And so how can you use that in a way that actually is empowering a woman in her decision and helping her be brave? Amy, I wrote down what you said just a minute ago, and I want to come back to it because I've always heard hurt people hurt people. I mean, I know that I've experienced that people who are hurt spread the hurt around.

But the opposite corollary is true. Free people, free people. You give other people wings and to think that you could take the hurt and the pain that you've experienced and turn that around and help somebody else be free.

Just sit in that for a minute and explain it. Yeah. And even healed people help heal people. You know, it is contagious. Freedom is contagious. And the more, you know, there's a Me Too movement with sexual abuse stories that kind of here in the last year or two have kind of gotten a lot. Women have become a lot more vocal in their Me Too stories. But I believe even with abortion stories, we can create a Me Too movement here because, I mean, a lot of times I'll speak and I'll talk about Embrace Grace and all of that. And then afterwards, I always have someone, at least one, but usually several whisper in my ear and say, I had an abortion years ago, but God healed me.

And I'll look at her and I'll say, well, why are you whispering it then? Like, go and tell people, help women be brave. Go serve at a pregnancy center and talk to the women, the girls that come in and tell your story. You can be bold because the more people talk about it, the more freedom and healing and that helps free other people.

I've seen it happen so many times and it's amazing and it's completely true that free people, free people. Thanks for joining us today for Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. Find us online at 5lovelanguages.com. We have some great resources for you, a tool to assess your love language. You can hear a podcast of the program and find out about our featured resource. It's the book by Amy Ford, Help Her Be Brave. Discover your place in the pro-life movement.

Just go to 5lovelanguages.com. Well, Amy, we've been talking about your organization, Embrace Grace. Explain to us exactly what that is and the difference it's made in lives of women that you've ministered to. Well, we just want to share the gospel and help women both spiritually, emotionally, and physically through Embrace Grace support groups. It's support groups in churches all over the nation for women with unexpected pregnancies. And we want to help her in every way. We want to share the gospel, give her hope and empower her in her life decision and empower her as a mom. And I know we had one girl once that she's Wiccan. She believed in witchcraft, but she wanted to come because we give them a free baby shower. And she told me ahead of time, she was like, hey, I'm Wiccan. Is it okay if I still come to your group? I'm like, sure.

Yeah, come on. And she goes through our entire program all 12 weeks. She never misses a class.

And I actually would, she didn't have a car, so I would pick her up and take her back home. And so we got to spend even more time together. And she was super smart. And one day she said, I like the way it makes me feel when I come to this group. And I just held on to that. I was like, Lord, I believe she's going to have a salvation experience. I'm so excited.

It's going to happen. And she does the whole semester, never missing a class. And it does the princess day, baby shower, all the things. And I remember being kind of upset because she didn't. I thought that she would choose Jesus by the end of it. And by the time I ended it, she didn't make that decision. And I remember I was kind of upset and talking to God about it. And I even felt a little offended, even though I would never tell her. But I was like, God, what happened here? She did the whole thing. She liked the way it made her feel when she came, you know, all of that. And I heard the Lord say, do you think a girl that is Wiccan would have ever stepped foot in a church if he hadn't created a safe place for her to be here?

And so I was like, OK. You know, so he said, let just let me do what I do. So I kind of lost track with her for a while because she, a lot of single moms have to change their phone numbers because of whatever random reasons. And so I lost track of her. But one day she called me a year later out of the blue, totally freaking out. And she said, Amy, I feel like lately God's been trying to talk to me like in. But I wasn't for sure if it's God. But I would think like I would think something and then something would happen. And she said one day she was going to work.

She was working at a restaurant slash gas station as the manager. And she said, I told God, God, if that's you, that's trying to talk to me and show me things like I want you to do something bigger. I don't want to just think that you're real.

I want to know that you're real. And so she goes into work. And right before closing, a guy walks up to her counter. I remember she said that he looked a little nervous and he looked at her and he said, I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell you as a total stranger that he sees you and he loves you and all he wants is your heart. And she was like, what?

And so she goes straight home and she pulls her Embrace Grace curriculum out and it's got a salvation prayer in there. She said she put the tiara from Princess Day on her head and she looked in the mirror because she said, I wanted it to be a moment that I never forgot, that I wasn't like, I think I surrender my life to Jesus. She's like, I knew it.

I knew the date and the time. And this was my moment. So she prayed the salvation prayer and I love that I was the first person she called and afterwards I was just thanking God and and he reminded me of she liked the way it made her feel when she came to church. And that's what it all comes to is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. That's what she is.

God's love that changes hearts. And then I think about how that man, his obedience of the Spirit, the Holy Spirit, prompting him to go talk to her. And she even said he was nervous and kind of clamoring a little bit. And he had no idea. He probably walked off and was like, God, I'm such a dork.

Why do you make me do these things? And he had no idea that she went straight home and surrendered her life to Jesus. Like, I can just imagine someday when he's in heaven and Jesus could show him, you know, remember that time I told you to go talk to that girl where he or she is. And here's her kids and her grandkids and the legacy that has been left behind because of his obedience.

And it's just love. And it's all of us working together and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in and through us. And so we got to plant seeds through Embrace Grace, through opening our doors to her that she only came because she wanted the free stuff.

And ended up surrendering her life to Jesus through an Embrace Grace group, which is amazing. That's powerful. Powerful. Well, the love of God flowing through his people, reaching out and not condemning. Right. God, the Spirit draws people to himself.

Yeah. You talk about the shame culture and how it affects unmarried mothers and women who have had abortions. Can you tell us what this means for the church and how we can make a difference and change things? Well, you know, the abortion rate is exactly the same inside the church as it is outside.

There's no difference. So there are women in our pews that are going and getting abortions because they don't feel like the church is a safe place for them to talk about or, you know, ask for help, for guidance, things like that. They just go get the abortion and then deal with PTSD. I mean, abortion is a trauma. It's extremely hard and hurtful.

And and so she just sits there in her pain and she doesn't feel like she can talk. And Ivy, we had one church once that did Embrace Grace for one semester and then wanted to change some things. And it was like they made a rule. No leader is ever allowed to tell a girl with an unexpected pregnancy that a baby is a blessing and that they didn't want the baby shower to be a celebration. They didn't want any presents wrapped because they didn't want it to feel like a party or a celebration.

And it's just a shame culture when that is feeding into going and getting an abortion. I mean, I just feel like that pastor, has he ever read the Prodigal Son like story? It wasn't like yesterday's leftover stuff. It was a feast. It was a party celebrating that he was lost. And now and now he came.

He's home. And even in that Prodigal Son story, you know, my favorite part is it says, and while he was a long way off, the father ran to him and he had a servant put a robe on his back and a ring on his finger and said, Son, I'm so glad you're home. And a lot of these girls, they are still a long way off, but they've turned. They've turned towards their Heavenly Father and we get to be a part of the celebration and throwing the party and partnering with heaven to show her what real love. We've had women the same day and night of the baby shower surrender their life to Jesus because they're so overwhelmed by the love of the church that gave her through that, because they're getting a little glimpse of how much God must love them. I lead the national movement, but I actually have it at my church too, at Gateway Church in Southlake. We actually do an altar call at the baby showers because hundreds of people come and people get saved at a baby shower for women with unexpected pregnancies. It is the coolest thing ever. So just talking about it and saying, you know, that you're welcome here and that if you have an unexpected pregnancy, like you're welcome here, we want to help you through it and help you make the right decisions and wrap our arms around you and help you and support you.

Yeah, wow. What kind of support can we provide for mothers who lose their babies unexpectedly? Yeah, that happens and it's so hard. I know there are a lot of churches that have groups for miscarriage or infant loss. I think even in Embrace Grace, you know, if a girl has an unexpected pregnancy and then she's going through Embrace Grace and that we've had, this sometimes unfortunately happens where she loses her baby.

And so then you feel bad because it's like, do you kick her out of the group? But yet that's really hard for her to be around other women that are pregnant, you know. So we want to make sure that she's handed off into safe hands of someone maybe at your church that has walked that road or to start in a miscarriage and loss group.

There's also connecting our counselors that are out there. I know one time we had a girl that was very far along in Embrace Grace and lost her baby and it was right before the baby shower. And gosh, we just felt so terrible about it. So we ended up doing a private party for her and we just loved on her. We had a hair team and a makeup team just to make her feel beautiful on the outside. We had like an in-memory of table for her little girl that was lost and just talked about her and just sat with her when she cried and held her hand through it. And now we had a big feast and just in honor of her baby that was lost and just being Holy Spirit led there.

There's so many different ways that we can help her, but just really making sure that she never feels alone through the process. Let me use the term in your book, pro-whole life. What do you mean by that? Yes, and I use the word pro-love a lot too. I just believe being pro-life is a stance, but being pro-love is an action.

It's the action behind. We can vote a certain way and make it so that abortion is illegal, which is important, but we also, even more importantly, need to make it unthinkable. And so that means it's a pro-whole life look of a consistent life ethic of helping her and empowering her not only through the pregnancy, but as the church for her whole life if she'll allow it. We can't just vote a certain way and then say good luck, you know, hope it works out. We've got to be able to get her connected to the resources that are out there to walk alongside her and to make abortion unthinkable because of all the great resources, people that are boots on the ground that want to help. And I just feel like people do have a heart to want to help, but a lot of them just don't know how, like what can I do? And so in my book, Help Her Be Brave, it has hundreds of ideas and ways to help her in having a pro-whole life look at this issue. Yeah. Are there single moms in the Bible?

And if so, what can we learn from them? Well, for sure Hagar, you know, she was the first single mom in the Bible, and I love that she referred to God as the God that sees. And she got to a place where she didn't have any food or resources and kind of tucked her son under a tree one day to just take a little break and she could hear him crying. This is Ishmael, and she turned away because it just hurt her heart so much.

And that's when an angel came and they provided water and she referred to God as the God that sees. And I love that the first child, you know, raised by a single mom, his name means God hears, Ishmael. And I love that God sees these single moms. His heart is for these single moms and he hears the prayers of their children and he loves them so, so, so much. And it's hard, you know, there are consequences to sin and it's hard to be a single mom. There's a lot of adversity and things to overcome. But we can walk alongside her and provide the water and help her through this journey that she's on and help her connect her to God. Because a single mom and her baby plus God, it can be a complete family. Leaning on him, he can show what a complete family looks like.

Yeah, yeah. What can men do to be involved? You know, some people say, well, this is a women's thing, you know. What about men?

Well, I don't agree with that at all. I feel like men have a powerful role in helping women choose life. In fact, one of the main reasons why women have abortions, one of the top five, is because of the man.

You know, thinking that he won't support her or he may be mad and leave or things like that. And so we need more spiritual fathers in this movement to help these dads know how to parent. A lot of them never had dads themselves, so they don't even really know how to step in and be a father. We actually are launching this month the Embrace Legacy, which is a new program for single young dads or young fathers.

And that can be in churches all over the nation as well. And we're really excited about it because a lot of them just need mentoring and help. But there are, like I said earlier in this show, that my husband helps a mom with her finances. And it just there's a lot of things we have guys doing, helping with auto repairs and helping a single mom in that way.

Using your voice on social media for life. We've had some dads kind of step in to be kind of a... I know for my husband, he helps sometimes with finances for a single mom. He'll sometimes help with showing up to certain things if they need, like, a dad to come, you know, things like that.

There are so many ways that men can be involved in the movement. But for sure, check into Embrace Legacy, embracelegacy.com, if you want to help start a group for young single dads at your church. What about teenagers? Teen moms? Sometimes, are there differences if you're pregnant as a teenager as opposed to your young 20s, middle 20s? Well, for sure.

I mean, they just have completely different scenarios. You know, when we have Embrace Grace, it's for teens and 20s and 30s. And so, you know, the teen moms are kind of more still focused on what's going on at school. And the dynamics between having parents that are maybe really upset about the situation. And then we have the 20s and 30s that are more focused on, like, how am I going to pay my bills? And how am I going to be able to work through this hiccup with life? And how do I overcome some of the adversities that look like could be standing in my way? So we kind of work through both of those.

The teen moms, we want to help them get back on their feet. It's hard for women that have grown up in a church, you know, we've used loosely this word purity. And, you know, there's purity rings and things like that. But the thing is, is a girl can't lose her purity.

She can lose her virginity, but she can't lose her purity. And so because we've kind of pushed that onto women in the church for years, I've seen these girls that have grown up in a church and they mess up and they, you know, have sex or get pregnant. And they throw their purity rings in the trash because they're like, I lost my purity. And that thinking is just not right. And so they think that. And then they're just like, well, I guess I'll just go have sex with whoever.

And I'm dirty now and no one's ever going to want me. And their value completely diminishes when we have to change that. It's about having a pure heart. And what does that look like to have a pure heart? Letting the Holy Spirit guide our decisions and letting God's word guide our decisions. But you can't lose your purity.

You know, His mercies are new every morning. It's like start again and you are valuable and you are worthy. And just because you messed up doesn't mean, you know, you're dirty now. And so we're trying to rewire that, especially with the teenagers, in the end that they're not valuable. They are very valuable. So it's kind of retraining their thinking with that.

Yeah. And that is so important. Well, we know that many Christians are pro-life. And if you read the scriptures, I think you almost have to be pro-life. But what about people who aren't Christians?

Maybe they just aren't religious. Why should the pro-life movement matter to them? Well, you know, even with people that are pro-choice, like you can't argue with loving people. We're like, at Embrace Grace and a lot of these pro-life organizations, we're just loving and empowering women.

Like you can't argue with that. But for their science is on our side, you know, that this is a life, a human life. And a heartbeat starts beating at around 20 days, 22 days after conception. I mean, that is a life with a beating heart. And so just looking at the science side and plus abortion is a trauma to women.

And you can talk to women that are Christians or women that are not correct Christians. And most of the time you will hear the same answer that they still have PTSD. There are from their abortion decisions, sometimes even physically, it has hurt them. Maybe sometimes they can't have children in the future.

There's all kinds of ramifications. And abortion isn't health care. I mean, this is taking away a life. Health care is helping your life be better, helping heal you, you know, not taking away a life. And so no one grows up and think, oh, I want to have abortion when I get older. You know, this is something that no one wants to have. So what can we do to help her in her decision not be able or not feel like she has to go and have a trauma, you know, inflicted on her by having an abortion?

Yeah. We know that adoption often plays into this whole scenario of being pregnant outside of marriage. What makes some people hesitant to choose adoption as an alternative to abortion? Oh, well, there are a lot of girls, it's just kind of this mysterious thing that they don't quite understand. I've talked to girls about, you know, if they're abortion minded and they'll say, well, how about adoption?

Have you thought of that? And they're just like, I feel like that's weird. And I'll say, well, why? And almost all the time they just, they can't articulate it.

They're like, I don't know. I mean, what if you just run into your kids someday? Like, that's just kind of weird. And I've thought about it and I kind of, I feel like years ago there was a lot of shame around adoption. Like, if you think about it, if anyone you knew growing up, like they were sent away, you know, to, oh, they went to that aunt so-and-so's house for the summer or whatever, but really they were sent away to a maternity home.

And there's a lot of secrecy around it and shame around that because they didn't want to talk about it. And I feel like that's been passed down from generation to generation. So now this next generation is like, isn't that weird?

You know, I don't know. It feels kind of weird. And so being able to really help show her what does it look like? Get her connected to another birth mom that has placed her baby for adoption that can talk about the good and the hard. I mean, it is hard to place your baby. Like, it's hard to sacrifice your body for nine months to save a baby's life is one of the most amazing things that a woman can ever do. And so helping her get connected to other birth moms to ask questions, get her connected to adoption agencies where she can ask questions that will advocate for her. There's a lot more opportunities out there where you can choose between open and closed. And it's a lot more we're we're trying to be more open about this.

There's a great organization called Brave Love who really is putting out there great birth mom stories, because if we can talk about it more, then it doesn't have all this weird secrecy and shame that maybe generations ago this issue had. So we're just trying to change their thinking about it and help them see that it actually is a viable option. But it's a last option. You know, it's always better to parent if she can.

But if she's going to choose abortion, then adoption is definitely better than that. Yeah. Well, Amy, this hour has gone quickly, and I know that our listeners can sense your passion about this subject. And I know that many of our listeners also are passionate about it. And I do believe that what we've shared today and your material on Embrace Grace is going to help them take positive steps in making things happen in their church and their community, which you've described is already happening in many churches. So thanks for being with us today. Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Help Her Be Brave. Isn't that a great title? And the subtitle is Discover Your Place in the Pro-Life Movement. It's written by Amy Ford, and we have it linked at our website, FiveLoveLanguages.com. Just go to FiveLoveLanguages.com. Next week, our Summer Best of series continues with the secret circuit in your brain that can help your relationships.

Find out about the joy switch in one week. Well, a big thank you to our production team, Steve Wick and Janice Todd. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in Chicago, in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.