You’re Still a Good Mom | Hallie Dye

You can have your best day, you can have your worst day, but at the end of it, there's this sort of soul deep question we can lay our heads down with and say, Am I a good mom?

And that feels sometimes scary to ask out loud. And no matter who we hear that from, I think somewhere I recognize I really needed to hear that from the author of Goodness himself. Today on this Mother's Day weekend, Halle Dye talks about all the expectations of motherhood, the pressure to look good and be the perfect mom. But what is a good mom?

And why does it seem like the lives of others are always shinier and easier than yours? Halle is the author of a featured resource today at buildingrelationships.us. Here's the title. You are still a good mom. Motherhood surrendered to the one who never fails, even when you feel you have.

You can find out more at buildingrelationships.us. And Gary, it seems like there's an epidemic of pressure and stress on just about everybody in the culture, but I think especially on moms. Well, I think you're right, Chris. And you know, I'm thinking also a lot of single moms. I mean, they really have pressure, but all moms because moms love their children. They want the best for them, you know?

And sometimes mothers put themselves under undue pressure thinking they've got to produce a perfect child. I'm excited about our conversation today, and I think this book is going to be a great help to mothers. Well, let's meet Halle Dye. She's an author, host of the Saltworks podcast. She's a wife of 13 years to her husband, Andrew, mom to three children, lives in Monroe, Louisiana, and the featured resource at buildingrelationships.us. Is that book You're Still a Good Mom?

Go to buildingrelationships.us. Well, Halle, welcome to Building Relationships. Thank you so much for having me.

I am so honored to be here with both of you, and I just really appreciate it. Well, tell us about your life and family. Who is Halle Dye?

Halle Dye is a follower of Jesus. She is a wife to my high school sweetheart, actually. He's my very best friend.

As cheesy as that might sound, it's true. I'm a mom of three kids, boy, girl, boy. They are from start to finish, three and a half years apart. And so it's been a busy few years. My oldest is almost 10 now, so in a slightly different stage of life than when I was writing the book. I have a podcast.

I live in a somewhat small town, love to travel though, love to read, like to read a lot of fiction. And that's kind of me in a nutshell. All right, well, sounds like many, many other mothers out there.

Yes, yes. Every book has a story behind it. What's the story of You're Still a Good Mom? You know, I, at the beginning of 2020, before the world closed down, there was a kind of a shift where I've always needed to write or be able to talk or pray out loud to kind of externally process things. But there was a turning point somewhere in there where I began to think like I would really like to take writing more seriously.

I don't think I ever had in my mind writing a book necessarily, but just, you know, I was like maybe a blog and, you know, thinking along those lines. But then shortly after that, the world did close down where we live. It was very much shelter in place. And I was very isolating because I had a four year old, a two year old and a one year old. And so it was a lot not being able to go places and was already a stay at home mom. But when we couldn't go anywhere, that role and that time of life just became very all consuming. And I can remember I don't even remember everything that happened on this one day, but there was one particular day that was just really hard. The needs just felt really endless. I didn't feel like enough. I had this kind of low simmer feeling of failure in the background, which honestly, unfortunately, I was pretty used to.

But it felt overpowering on that day. And at the end of the day, when the kids were asleep, I sat down on the edge of my bed and began to type something into the notes app on my phone. At the end of that, I kind of had the thought, you know, this could be a book, which is so funny because that was like not a whole thought that I had.

But it is. It did actually become the intro to my book and it's been edited many times. But the feel of it was it's a letter to a mom that feels very unseen and very is anything that I'm doing amounting to anything. Am I failing?

Am I a good mom? It really just speaks to what I needed to hear. And so that is how this book began, because you can have your best day, you can have your worst day. But at the end of it, there's this sort of soul deep question we can lay our heads down with and say, am I a good mom?

And that feels sometimes scary to ask out loud. And no matter who we hear that from, I think somewhere I recognize I really needed to hear that from the author of Goodness himself. I think a lot of moms can identify with what you're saying. What do you hope this book accomplishes for moms? I hope that at the end of this book that they feel a freedom and a rest in the gospel truth, that he is well pleased with them because of the righteousness of Christ, because of that foundation that it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me, that we will begin to mother from that place and not striving to mother for earning that position.

And I think that changes everything. And while this book is not a parenting book, because it unfortunately can't tell you how to handle this situation with this child or this transition. I do feel like as I was writing it and as I've learned to live the truths that I hopefully wove in this book, pointing back to him that it has changed the way that I parent because there's a freedom and a rest and a joy that I'm able to have when I am no longer striving just to outrun the feelings of failure. I like the title because it uses the phrase, good mom.

Can you define a good mom for us? That is such an excellent and hard question. And that really is what drove the entire book. And it's funny, I don't think I realized necessarily that that was the concrete question I was trying to answer. I think probably when I started writing it, I was wanting to know, am I doing enough? Am I enough?

Am I worthy? And I think that's a lot of times the issues. The funny thing is defining a good mom is sort of like teaching someone how to abide. If you say, let me teach you, let me give you a checklist of how to abide in the Lord.

Step one, this, step two, this, step three, this, maybe some of those steps could be achievable, attainable. But at the end of it, even if we could do all of those steps that someone gave us, would we really have taught them to abide? And the answer is no, because what we've done is we've created a really great checklist for self-sufficiency because nothing in there has gone back to him, has gone back to resting in what he says. And so the whole idea of defining a good mom, what I've found is diving into scripture, but really learning to turn back to him daily. I love the words that John the Baptist says, we bear fruit in keeping with repentance.

The only way that we can bear fruit is we constantly turn back to him, however many times, every minute, if we need to, that we need. Well, you know, the subtitle is Motherhood Surrendered to the One Who Never Fails. Why do you think moms today feel, many of them, that they failed? I think a lot of that and what the first part of the book seeks to do is hits on what are those expectations that you're walking into motherhood with? Is it that you were always going to cook homemade meals?

Is it that you were never going to do or say this? Is it that you were always going to be the crafty mom, the fun mom, the strong mom? And a lot of those things are things we've picked up along the way. Maybe it was social media, maybe it was how other people around us mother, or just what you expected of yourself. I honestly think a lot of that can be the way that we feel. There's a lot of messages that we need, absolutely, that hit on that motherhood is not always going to look a certain way. But I think sometimes what can be missing from that conversation is motherhood is not always going to feel a certain way either. And there's a whole chapter actually about compassion, because sometimes we have these feelings of failure that we didn't just wake up joyful and happy and patient and glad to do the work set before us. And the beautiful thing is the compassion of Christ is that He meets you there in those places that are hard. He's not disappointed with us whenever we need Him again, whenever we need to go back and say, I need you because I don't have the patience within myself. And I think there's a lot of that.

There's a lot of us not thinking that we should be limited or lacking. And so a lot of the book is, I would say on the front end, kind of hitting on what are those expectations. And then hopefully the second half begins to linger with moms on some of these subjects of what can that look like. Elliot, what does it mean to live surrendered? Because that's part of the theme of this book is surrendering to the one who never fails.

Mm hmm. Surrender is such a hard word to use in motherhood because so much of what we have to do is a task. Whether you are a biological mom, an adoptive mom, whether you have three kids or one, whether you are married or you're single, there are a lot of things that fall to you. My husband's very hands on, but there's something about a mom that carries the weight of a lot of emotions. Is all of my kids feeling seen? Do they have what they need at school?

Do they know how I feel about them? There can be this weightiness that we carry as moms, no matter how we enter it or how much help we have that just falls to the role of mom. And it can be hard to say, well, how does it look like to surrender?

And so I think the way that the book is kind of written is it kind of dives through different kind of facets of that. So there's a whole chapter about what does it look like to live surrendered and rest? What does it look like to live surrendered in our dreams as moms? Can we even have hobbies?

Can moms have rest? What does it look like to live under the compassion of Christ? And I think in all of that, and really where the book ends up in chapter 12, is we, with all things in life, there are many things where you can study enough and you can practice enough to hopefully gain that result that you were looking for, that you were hoping for. But our walk in Christianity and in our roles as moms, that's not the case because we can only control the input and that input is our faithfulness. But that also allows this piece of rest that while, yes, I cannot control the outcome, I can rest in the one who holds it all. It doesn't depend on me. And so there's this joy of I get to partner with the Lord in this role that He's given me instead of feeling like it all depends on me.

And so in all of these things, surrender looks like, what would you have me do here? Would you have me sign up my kid for this extracurricular activity? Do you want us to go to public, private, homeschool?

What does it look like? Do you want us to live in this neighborhood or that to look for Him in all of those things? Well, you know, this book is a very personal project for you. What was the hardest section of this book for you to write, Hallie? There were many chapters that I wrestled with because it was very much one of those things that I was having to really learn and come to grips with what was true in order to write that down. And honestly, I think that's a great practice for all of us when we're wrestling with something is, can you write down the truth?

Because if you can't come to the conclusion of what you believe, it's really hard to live from that place or live it out. And so it's a very refining process altogether in a lot of ways. But I would say the portion I struggled with the most that sticks out in my mind is I actually added chapters five and six later in the game. And chapter five is all about how we have lack and limitation and we're supposed to. And it really pinpoints how mom guilt always camps on what we lack. It always stares at what we don't have, what we're not good at.

But it really doesn't hit on anything we failed at necessarily. It's just this low, simmer feeling that I'm not adding up. And so that chapter was one in and of itself. Chapter six really went into what does this mean for me when I have failed? How do I navigate motherhood when I have failed or I have not navigated this relationship with my kids the way that I would have wanted to? And I had such a hard time not mixing chapter six into chapter five, which just told me for me and I think probably for many moms, if my wrestle was any indication that we tend to want to write failure so much into the places where we simply cannot have all of the attributes of God and we weren't meant to. We know that social media has made many fall into the whole comparison trap. How does a mom overcome that never-ending cycle of comparing herself with others? That is so good.

And if you all find out, let me know. One thing that I think happens in social media is you sit down and you scroll and most of the time you don't even mean for that to happen. You really wanted to read a book and then you look up 30 minutes later. That book is sitting next to you unopened because you're just scrolling through and we all have those habits and those moments where we just kind of check out. But in that 20, 30 minute scroll, you have seen a mom who made this homemade meal, a mom who had this really clean, pristine house, a mom who did this craft with their kids, a mom who made it to all these events with her kids and didn't have to miss any of them, even though she has multiples. And at the end of that scroll, your brain has subconsciously collected what one person should be when the mom who had the clean house didn't make the homemade meal or the mom that did the crafts wasn't able to go to this soccer game because she had two conflicting things. There's just this phenomenon that happens when we look at what's happening in the whole world and think we should be all of those things when in actuality, no one's able to do all of that together.

And so I think that's one thing. You know, comparison is strange because we take ourselves and we set ourselves up next to someone and in hopes that either we can be better or that we can feel like, OK, well, I'm doing enough. But the honest truth is we have to take all of those things back to the gospel and say, really, when I compare myself to the measure of God, I fall very short.

The honest truth is I can't compare at all. My righteousness is filthy rags. But the beautiful truth is that he has clothed me in his righteousness. And when I sit in that and we sit in that gratitude of what he has done, there really isn't room to feel like, well, why can't I be that or why can I do that or why can't I do better here?

Because there's really only room for that gratitude. And it is hard. It's work to go back to that all the time. But it's always true.

And that gospel truth never runs out. In the book, you talk about how our limitations are by design. We all have limitations. But what do you mean by that, that they are by design?

And why can't that be so hard for moms? At the beginning of that chapter, Back in Limitation, my editor actually felt like that hook was not necessarily the strongest. And she was right, because it's not this really personal story like some of the others are. But I found that if I wrote a personal story, like I said earlier, I kept trying to add in things that really felt like failure. And where I kind of landed was this realization that before I became a mom, I was imperfect, which I know is shocking.

But I was. It's just that after I became a mom, all of a sudden, all the things that I lacked, that I didn't have, that I wasn't good at, I couldn't give. I couldn't excel at for my child. And so all of a sudden, all the areas that seemed fine for me to have needs over here. Now, if I take room for my needs, we bring a baby home. Well, now all of a sudden, every time I have a need or I need to step away or I need to rest or I'm not good at this thing, that all takes away from my child. And there's this sense that, well, that shouldn't be so.

You know, a good mom should always be present. But actually that is the design, because we can't be ever present. We can't be all knowing.

We can't be all powerful. Those were only ever his. And so we kind of take a look into Genesis 3, because when the fall happens and Adam and Eve, who God created the stars, he created the animals, he created the plants and the water and separated this and all of these things. And it was good and it was good and it was good. And then it gets to man and woman and all of a sudden it's very good. And the interesting thing is that they didn't have clothes. They lacked clothing and covering, but he still deemed them very good. And then you get into the fall where they're hiding and they're hiding out of shame.

And there's a lot there, but they have done wrong. But when they hide and God says, Where are you? Adam says, Well, we heard the sound of you walking in the garden, which how crazy is that? We hid because we're naked. And God's first response before he gets into the consequences or the deception that's unfolded, the first thing he says is, Who told you that you were naked? And I think so often we come into contact with those limitations or we come into realization with our lack when we fail and when we fall short. And so we tend to want to connect those two things. But the truth is we see in that story that we've always had need of a God, even before we had need of a savior, that the issue really was not that Eve wanted to be more like God.

It was that she wanted to be more God-like. So the antidote to that is for us to continually turn back in those places. We don't feel like we have what we need and go, God, I'm not enough, but you are. You give me the capacity for the things that I need. And if I don't have that capacity today, you didn't need me to. And that's OK. Yeah, I'm reminded of what Jesus said as recorded in John 15, verse 5, when he said, I'm the vine, you're the branches, you stay connected, you bear fruit. And then he said, without me, you can do nothing.

Exactly. And we realize that as moms are dads, you know, we desperately need God's help. And I think that's why this book is going to be so helpful to moms as well. Well, this is Mother's Day weekend and you say in the book that this holiday has been a struggle for you.

Why is that? You know, and I want to say this first, because if my husband hears this, he is amazing and he always makes me feel special. So it's not because he doesn't bring flowers or thinks about me. He makes me feel special truly every day.

He's a wonderful person. But I think on Mother's Day, we have this picture because we've seen other moms honored and we've seen their shout outs. And we've heard what people have to say about them on days like Mother's Day. And so I think what happened was the first few Mother's Days, I woke up thinking, OK, here's the day, not that I get to be celebrated. I used to think, OK, is my issue that I just want to be celebrated? I just want to be worshiped today. But when I began to really wrestle with these concepts, I began to realize when we go through life thinking we're not enough and we're not worthy and we have to strive and perform and do enough in order to gain that, then on Mother's Day, if we don't feel that way, if we don't feel that we are told are enough, then it feels like major failure, because that is the one day that we wake up thinking, I finally get to hear if I've passed or failed.

But that's not actually true. And I think I had to come to learn that even a day that is called Mother's Day, it's still a day for his glory. And that becomes way easier when I realize his goodness in the way that he loves me and in the way that he allows me to be a mom. Yeah, it's a tremendous gift when you think about it, right? Being a mom, of course, being a dad, a great gift that God has given us.

And that's why I think all of us are so grateful that we have the model of God our Father and Christ our Savior and all of that. You're listening to The Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman Podcast. He's the author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" .

Hallie Dye is our guest. And if you go to buildingrelationships.us, you'll see our featured resource, her book, You're Still a Good Mom. Motherhood surrendered to the one who never fails, even when you feel you have.

Again, go to buildingrelationships.us. Hallie, I think you said earlier that you do not consider this book to be a parenting book. Is that true?

Yes. I think that's because most of the time when I think, OK, I need a parenting book because I have this really strong willed child or now I have teenagers or how do I deal with these toddlers? And you look for books that have methods and there's not a whole lot of method to this book other than relinquishing. And yet that has changed the way that I parent so much. So relinquishing that sense of control and acknowledging that God will give me what I need to be the mom he wants me to be. Right?

Right. What was the biggest fear in writing this book? Heresy. I think any time I speak or teach or write anything that has been my greatest fear because I can deal with having poor writing or grammatical errors. But if I feel like I've failed him or failed to bring glory to him, then that scares me. But that's also something I've had to learn to really hand to him and trust him. That's another thing I've had to learn to surrender. I would say another thing in writing this book has been, oh, my goodness, what if I launch this book and I'm out at Target and I still don't have all this together? And I've learned that will happen because I still don't have all this together.

But the truth is that I don't have to. And he holds, again, holds the outcomes. And so it's been very gracious for me to really work through those fears with him, but they were also very real. Yeah, I can see that. Well, talk about the values and the difficulties of connecting with other moms. One difficulty that comes to mind immediately is, especially with smaller kids, is just being able to finish your sentences. I mean, you know, you sometimes will get together and you'll leave and say, we started about 20 stories and finished none of them. And that can make you feel like, oh, goodness, did they feel like I was distracted? Well, you know, we were because we were keeping people alive, you know. But the value is when we really are able to connect over things that, oh, really?

You were feeling that way, too, because you you look like you always have that together. I had no idea you were struggling with the same things as that. And that's what's been so beautiful about the book is hearing people all say I needed to hear this because a lot of times this goes back to fears in writing.

There's a lot of those could be a whole episode. But a lot of times I'll be writing something and you wrestle with something so long that at the end you can kind of convince yourself, no one really needs to hear this. Everybody already knows this. But, you know, it's been life giving to hear the Lord use it in mom's lives. And it connects me with strangers.

You know, when I speak at an event and a woman comes up with tears in her eyes and say, I always ask myself or wonder, am I a good mom? And so I just think there's this universal bonding that the Lord's given us in this role. And so it's so important to connect.

But there can be a lot of things. And I think going back to those feelings of mom failure and guilt, we can kind of want to overcome those with trying to look like we have it all together. And that can actually be a hindrance of getting to that deeper connection of actually have the struggle to and we can have this deeper connection over that. Yeah, I think life was meant to be lived in community. And whether it's parents or dads or moms or whatever, we can help each other. And it helps us when we realize that others may be struggling with similar things. How did the writing of this book shape your motherhood journey? Well, I quit it a lot because I would be writing and then have a day where I just felt like the most impatient mom or the biggest mom failure or just feel like I can't say these things to other moms.

I'm struggling to believe I'm alone in my four walls. And so there were many times I quit the book, sometimes audibly. But in all of that, every time I returned, I had to really come back to what is true. No, this is true. Those things were lies. Those things were feelings.

But this is true. And so it really was refining and such a gracious process for the Lord to have me walk through, because I truly believe this for other moms now and can say that with feeling and gumption, because I had to come back to that in order for this book to to become what it is and for me to continue to put this out. And so that is one thing. And also even just in the meeting, writing deadlines and and learning the publishing process, because it is still foreign to me and in the marketing and still being a mom on the side of all those things was really coming to the end of that surrender we've been talking about.

This is the capacity that I have. There's been times that the kids are home from school because they're sick or they're out of school that week and I'm speaking that week and I have to really start my talk and practice and then pause it and peel an apple and then come back. And where was I?

And going back a year ago, that would have really stressed me out. But now I'm able to rest and you knew I would be here. You knew that this would be our circumstances when I said yes to this. And so the capacity that you've given me is enough.

And if I can glorify you and speak truth, that's OK, because none of this is a performance. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I don't know, but you may have this experience in the future, but as I've gotten older, I reflect back on when I was single, when I first had children, when I first had teenagers. I've sometimes reread my books in those areas and think, man, I wish I'd had this, you know, back then. Perhaps you'll find that true as well, you know, in wrestling with mom guilt because you're walking through it and you're writing it as you're going through it, you know. So I think it's going to help a lot of ladies who are going through it. Well, what's the Lord teaching you in your current season of motherhood? Well, first of all, let me say how encouraging that was and also say that your work has impacted me. And I've been grateful to have it in my marriage and in my all of my relationships.

So thank you. That was extremely encouraging. I think it goes back to in my current motherhood is the capacity piece, but to extend that also towards the ability to just be present. Because I think when we are trying to earn this title of a good mom or enough or worthy, whatever that title is, we feel like we're fighting for in our actions and in our tasks completed that we can miss the people across from us. But when I'm able to rest and all of those gospel truths that we've talked about, then I'm able to actually be present because I don't have to earn my worth. And we've actually had some really good conversations with some friends after the book launch talking about rest and being able to play with our kids and enjoy hobbies as moms.

And I think one of the reasons that moms struggle the most with those things is because if you are finding your worth and work, then you cannot take a break from that because you feel worthless when you rest and you feel worthless when you play or do something you want to do. But the gospel truth says that our worth remains the same because of who he is and what he's done. And so it actually gives us the permission to do those things.

But the benefit of that now with older kids is they're able to see a mom who can pause and stop and be present. And it's that same old Martha, Martha, you're worried about all these things, but there's only one thing that really matters. And so that permission that Jesus gives Martha there, not to be Mary, but to come as Martha is.

And that, I would say, is where I'm at right now. It sounds to me like as I'm hearing you, Hallie, the truth of God's sovereignty has kind of seeped into your soul where you're not performing for him any longer. You're simply receiving from him and then trying, well, it's the abundant life.

You know, I came to give life and give it abundantly. That's what you're saying yes to. Is that right? Yes, absolutely. And it's a daily, daily surrender and sitting in that truth.

But yes. Hallie, in our last segment, you mentioned Martha and what Jesus said about her and Mary. Are there other biblical examples that were helpful to you as you studied the Scriptures, looking at this area of motherhood?

Absolutely. Two come to mind right off the bat. One of them is how when David fought Goliath and he tried to wear Saul's armor that he recognized that one, it didn't fit. But it also says that they were untested. But what was tested and true was him being able to rely on the Lord. And so we talk about that and the lack and limitation of he looked outwardly unaccompanied. Goliath had a shieldbearer.

I can't remember exactly what the term was, but outwardly David had nothing and was way smaller. But he had the Lord. And that is something that is so encouraging to me as a mom, because there are many times that I want to put Saul's armor on because I want to look like that mom or be like that mom. But the Lord has plans for me and I don't need to be the perfect mom.

I just need to be the mom that God made me to be. And that is a good mom. And another is the Proverbs 31 woman. And a lot of people don't realize that she wasn't real. She was this sort of poem created by King Lemuel's mother for him to kind of recognize the character of a good wife and of a good mom. We look at her and we think, oh my goodness, there's no way I can amount to all of these things that she's good at and that she has achieved. And she makes her own bedspreads and she gets up before the dawn.

That one sounds the hardest to me, but that she's an entrepreneur and she is organized and she is wise and she turns a profit and can speak eloquently. And there's all these things that you think, man, I don't have all of those. But what's really neat when we realize that she wasn't a real person meaning to meet all of these checklists in one season in one person, we begin to say, OK, but do you see any of these traits that align with how God created you to be? Well, then good. You get to see the word of God affirm those things in you.

And how can you live those out to his glory? And so those things have been really freeing to me as a mom. Yeah. I know every time I hear a message on that on Mother's Day, I kind of feel for mothers because it lays it on really heavy. And many times they don't make the point that you just made that this is not a real mother.

This is a mother describing for her son what a wonderful, wonderful mother would be like. Right. And the ultimate truth that she's a woman who fears the Lord, you know?

Oh, yeah. That's where it all starts. And that's really the heart of your book, I think, too. It's our relationship with God that is going to carry us through and make us a good mom.

Not a perfect mom, but a good mom. Absolutely. How has writing this book impacted your own personal faith in God? You know, from start to finish, to quitting, to starting again, and really even how this book was published. Because honestly, I shouldn't have gotten a book deal. The world and the publishing world says that shouldn't have happened.

And that would be true. But so often, as I wrestled over the fears that we talked about earlier, I would pray, Lord, if this book is not going to bring you glory, if this book is about me and it's not about what you have to say for moms, it's not about you. If it's not going to point people to you, if it's going to lead anyone astray, please don't let this book go out.

Don't let this be successful. And I had to pray that in order to be able to rest that I was within His will. And so I look back at really the miraculous way that it did get published and I go, okay, you had a plan. And so when I look back and say, oh, you know, maybe I should have said this or I wouldn't have said it exactly like that or whatever that fear, that little worry or doubt that comes up later, I know for a fact that He had a plan for this. And that also allows me to rest in moving forward on the next thing, whether that's a public decision or just something inside my home to go, okay, I don't know the future. I don't know what I need.

I don't know what my kids need, but you do. Would you guide my hands in every single facet and decision? And if I begin to walk through a door that's not for your glory or isn't far good, would you just shut it? And that has begun to change the way that I move forward, just seeing His faithfulness and His provision.

And really, there's the providence in the past. Yeah, I think the desire that all of us who are true Christians have is we want to walk the path that God has for us. And that's going to be different for every one of us because we're unique and we're all gifted differently.

But if we are seeking that and asking God to guide us in what He has in mind for us, the Scriptures say man makes his plans, but God directs his steps. And that's what all of us want. If we come near the end of our program today, talk to the mom who's listening who feels guilty for not being the perfect mother, and then feels guilty for feeling guilty.

What would you say to her? Oh, not the double guilt. I think so often when we ask this question, am I a good mom? We can be really good at remembering the highlight reel of all the ways we didn't measure up for the day. You know, we don't necessarily remember all the things we showed up and did a good job, but we can always really remember the ways that we do feel like we failed. And I want to say this. One, if you have the righteousness of Christ, then you have the covering in which He claimed, this is my son in whom I'm well pleased.

We really need to sit in that and really wrestle with, could that be true? Because yes, it is, and it will change everything. But to the mom that says, well, you don't know this, and I really did lose my patience, and I really did raise my voice in this, this, this. The beautiful truth about repentance and repair, repenting with the Lord, and then repairing with our kids, of modeling this, saying I'm sorry, is so powerful because kids hold their parents in high esteem no matter what we just do. Parents are just important. That's why people in their 30s, 40s, 50s would still love to hear this word from their parents, that they never felt like they did or whatever that looks like.

And so our words matter. But the beautiful thing about when we fail and we model that repentance and repair for our kids and with our kids, they're able to see, oh, my goodness, when mom said this, when dad said this, they didn't lose their worth when they admitted that they failed and that they're sorry. And not only does it show them this is the way, but it also makes it to where they can now memorize that pathway to the throne of grace and mercy in their time of need.

And what if the Lord is so sovereign and so providential that he can actually use even our failures to model that repentance that we are to keep with in order to bear fruit. And so I would just encourage that mom that you literally can't outrun his faithfulness and his goodness if you continue to seek him and follow him in everything. Hallie, can you tell us a story from the book, kind of a vulnerable place in your own life that will sum up what you've been talking about here today?

Absolutely. One of my favorite stories from the book. And I joke all the time that really this book is just writing these great truths that my husband said and I just wrote it and put my name on it. But there was one day in that season that I talked about if we were kind of beginning to get out of shelter at home in 2020, but we were very much still at home, still had a four, now three and one year old. And I'd been home all day with them by myself. And it was just, again, a long day and a lot of needs and caretaking in that time of life. And just I want to say to any mom that that's a hard season and it's not like that forever. But my husband came home and he's so fun and he was like, hey, let's take the kids to the pool because we had recently joined a gym here locally.

And I would love to say that the gym and the workout facility sold me, but really the snack bar and the splash pad and the pool sold me. So I was like, okay, you know, well, let's go and that'll be good. And I wanted to be the mom in that instance so badly that was joyful and excited about that experience. I would love to be the mom that didn't think about how hard that would be and show up and say, oh, this is kind of a challenge.

I've never been that person. And so I'm automatically thinking, oh, that means that I've got to wrestle all of them into their swimsuits. That means that we already have three and there's two of us.

So we've already moved from man to man defense to zone defense. And now we're going to do that by open pools of water. And so I'm thinking through all those things. But I don't say any of it out loud. I just say, okay, you know, and I'm really trying to force my feelings into being the fun, joyful mom that I really want to be. And so we go and we go to splash pad first, exhaust all the splash pad. And six minutes later when we've done that, they're ready to go to the pool.

So we go, we get in the kiddie pool and everyone has a good time and, you know, it goes well. And then I recognize we probably need to go before everybody gets hangry. And so we load up and I really just was at war with myself for my feelings in that moment. I was just, even though everybody had a good time and nobody really knew I was struggling, I just still felt a certain way. And I couldn't really pinpoint that. So we're almost home and my kids are in the backseat and they're playing and talking, so they're not paying attention to us.

And I finally was able to like pinpoint, why am I feeling this way? And I voiced to my husband, Andrew, you know, I just want to be the mom that is always fun and loving and kind. And I thought he would say, oh, you are. And I would have ignored that because he's nice and that wouldn't have, you know, really made me feel better, unfortunately. But he didn't. He said, do you want a God that is always fun and loving and kind?

And that kind of took me aback and I thought about it. And even though I recognize that we have no say in who God is, I chose to play along and said, well, I want a God that is good. Because somewhere in my answer, I recognize there's a lot more to God than just those things. And he said, exactly. And there's a lot more and like spoke directly to that and said, there's a lot more that's encompassing and good.

And that's what you're giving our kids. And I can barely tell that story without crying because that was such a kindness to me. Yes. A very wise husband, I would say.

Absolutely. Well, Hallie, this conversation has been very, very good. And I really believe this book is going to help a lot of moms who are struggling with this whole issue and often feeling guilty of not being a good mom. So thanks for writing the book. Thanks for being with us today on the program. Thank you so much.

I pray that it will. And thank you for having me. It was an honor. Again, the title of Hallie's book, You're Still a Good Mom, Motherhood Surrendered to the One Who Never Fails, Even When You Feel You Have. Again, by Hallie Dye, D-Y-E. And you can find out more about that at buildingrelationships.us. Again, buildingrelationships.us. And next week, help for parents who want to raise children the way God designed them. Don't miss the conversation with Sally Clarkson in one week. Our thanks to Janice Backing and Steve Wick for their work behind the scenes. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio, in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.