This episode is supported in part by the Christian Standard Bible, a translation designed to be faithful to the original text and clear for everyday readers. We're grateful for their partnership in helping bring gospel-centered content to families like yours. To learn more about the CSB, visit csbible.com. Yeah. Every mom, God is calling her to her motherhood, to her family, her husband, and that's going to look differently.
And so you even see that now in Christian culture.
Sometimes a specific lifestyle or a specific method is kind of held up as the one best way, the holiest way to mother, the, you know, just it looks so good. But what if I can't recreate that? Because someone's a single mom or they do have a child with disability, or there's a myriad of reasons why that might not transfer to another mom's life.
So it's not about fitting into the box of what my friend does. It's about following the Lord and asking for his wisdom and whatever life he's given me. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson. And I'm Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifetoday.com.
This is Family Life Today.
Well, we're talking about motherhood today. Yay. Where should I go back? Should we go back to the hole in the wall when our kids were little toddlers? I don't know why that came to my mind.
For those of you that haven't heard of it in years. And we don't need to talk about it. That was a bad moment in parenting when I kicked a hole in the wall out of my frustration with our three children. Yeah. And then she patched it up with wallpaper so that Pastor Dave, when he came in the house, wouldn't see it.
It was not one of my finest. And the boys ran right to it the second I walked. Look what mom did. She's so strong. You won't believe what mom did today.
And there's, you know what I remember about that moment? Feeling. Utter shame going to bed. I remember apologizing to the boys, guys. I shouldn't have done that.
I'm so sorry. But as a young mom and as an older mom, one of the things that we can carry is shame and guilt. And it's a heavy thing to carry.
Well, today we're not talking about fallen motherhood. Exactly. That was sort of a fallen motherhood moment. We're talking about risen motherhood. And I know a lot of our, I mean, a lot of our listeners know these two women.
It's pretty great just because we have Emily Jensen and Laura Whiffler with us today. And you're. A hero to many, especially young moms who are struggling.
So, welcome to family life today. Oh, thank you for having us. It's a joy to be here. Yes, we are so excited to be here. I gotta know: have you ever kicked a hole in the wall?
Man, I kind of wish I had that clean bank. I'm not sure I could if I tried. It shows you what was happening in my heart. We've definitely had moments. I remember one time I have this like walkie-talkie app, and I was messaging my dad, and I was getting frustrated.
We had three under three at one time, and I were your twins born at that time, yes.
So we had twins, and they were all in the kitchen, and they were asking for juice boxes or something. And I turned the messaging app on and I said something grumbly to them, you know, you just need to wait because I'm going to get you your juice in a minute or whatever. And then I looked down and I clicked it off, and I went, you know, because my angry voice was caught on a message. And that was one of my moments where I just was kind of caught in my frustration and I felt embarrassed later. Tell us about your families and about what you do.
Sure.
So I'm Emily, and I've been married to my husband Brad for 14 years. And we have five kids ranging in ages from six to 11. And so to do that math, you have to put a set of twins in there. That's how that worked. Yeah.
I mean, you had five under five at one time. Yeah, like my oldest turned five. I went into labor the next day with our fist.
So it's really close in there. Yeah. Yeah. It was, those were some wild years that I'm still looking back and recovering from a little bit. Unbelievable.
And you married Laura's brother. Yes. I'm married to one of Laura's older brothers. Yes. So your sister-in-law?
We're family. Yes. We're sister-in-laws, which is so fun. And we get to work together, which is incredible. And so I'm Laura Whiffler, and I am married to Mike and have three kids.
Emily and I live about a mile apart in central Iowa, so very close to one another, which is a joy. And my kids range from 10 to 6, no twins. Math works perfectly. And two of your boys right now are running around our studios. That's right.
I'm really curious what they're doing. They saw that papa shot when they walked in. It's better not to be. Snacks, pop, basketball. There's a wee maybe.
Going to universal tomorrow. Incredible. It's going to be better. Oh, they are living the best life. And you each, which is super unusual, have children that have disabilities.
And we're going to talk about. That as we go on, you've written a children's book on it, and you mention it in your other books as well.
So, tell us about Risen Motherhood. I remember going to my son-and-daughter-in-law's house, and your book, Risen Motherhood, was on the table. Kendall. This was years ago. Yeah, Kendall said to me, Have you read this book?
And at the time, she had four kids. I guess she still has four kids. At the time, those kids are. She doesn't have five or nine. But she had, I think she had four kids under five.
And she said, This book is getting me through these hard, hard days. And I think that right after that is when we called you to and said, We can't wait to have you on. One of the things you talk about is: if Christ really changes everything, how does he change potty training? And I just laughed when I read that. Like, these are the things we think about when we're potty training.
Like, does Jesus even care? Is this separate?
So, and in it, this is the craziest thing. You explain the gospel.
Well, here's the thing. I think of you know, how many mother's books have I read? You know, but I read yours because I had to get ready for this. But, um, you know, and I'm seeing on the title, Gospel Hope, and I'm like, okay, how. they're going to bring the gospel in you don't just bring it in Every chapter because I read the first chapter and you go, creation, fall, redemption, consummation.
I'm a pastor, I preach this. Yeah, I'm like, oh, that's great. There's your theme, and here we're going to you never leave it. No, you paradise and you go, we got a drum beat. We like play hard.
So I think it'd be great for our listeners. How would you explain that? Creation, fall, redemption, consummation. Yeah, it's just a mnemonic device that helps us remember the big story, God's big story. And so when we think of the word creation, we're just thinking about God's design for mankind.
When we're thinking about the fall, we're remembering that sin and brokenness has touched everything. The curse has touched everything in life. And then we're thinking about redemption, we're remembering that piece of the gospel that it's like Jesus came, he lived a perfect life, he died, he rose. And now, if you're following him, you get the spirit, you get to be part of the church, right? There's hope.
And then when we talk about consummation, we're really looking ahead to what's coming. Right. That when Jesus returns and all things are made new, you know, there's perfect, just judgment given.
So, all of those pieces become, I'd say, like little anchors that when you are processing through a practical situation and you're wondering, yeah, what does potty training have to do with the gospel? You know, you can start to go through those anchors in your mind. And that's how you can preach the gospel to yourself in that situation. And also know that it's part of a bigger story, right? This moment that you're experiencing is part of something that matters more.
You know, give us an example of like, walk us through something in your life that you totally implemented. I mean, it could be potty training, but it could be a while since we've done that. Maybe something you're going through now. Yeah, let me think for a hot second. Um a lot of the stuff that we're looking at now is very Um It's almost less practical as you move out of the young years.
And so I'm thinking through, like, you know, like media choices. That's something that I feel like even, even moms of really young children are thinking a lot about media choices, but that continues on. And I think as we think through the gospel, the mnemonic device, and that's not original to us. We hope everybody realizes we don't claim to have invented it, many people have used it, but it has been really handy for us and helpful. But when we think about things like media choices, I mean, I don't know.
Let's, this is where I got to like start thinking. Yeah. Like personally, you're saying with your kids. What do you with our kids? Yeah.
Yeah. Like a question moms a lot ask is, you know, well, what can I show my children? Yeah. You know? And it's good to know, like, hey, God designed us to love good stories and to enjoy fun and entertainment and things.
Like, I think in and of itself, right? All that is good, true, and beautiful comes from God. And our hearts long for that. And so our kids wanting to watch a good story or be entertained or enjoy things. Mm.
That's great, right? There's nothing wrong with that. But then you have to think about that fall piece.
Well, not every media choice post-fall. Like, there's a lot of sin in there. There's things that are going to distort the truth. There's things that are not of God. And we want to be cautious about what we expose ourselves to and what we're filling our minds and our hearts with.
And so that redemptive piece is like if you're, if you're following Jesus, well, you want to love like him, live like him, fill your mind with all that's good, true, and beautiful. And, you know, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
That's your conscience. Or that's not your conscience, but he prompts you and helps you know what is good and what is wrong to engage in. And I think then in looking at the hope of heaven, knowing that one day all media will be redeemed, all of those things, you know, we know that someday we're going to go to heaven and it's not going to be. We're not going to have to cover our eyes. We're not going to have to monitor these things.
And that's just an incredible hope to look forward to. And so you can, I think as we start to get the gospel under our skin and you start to learn to think in the Way and it is a learned way of thinking. I think that's key. Yeah, it's not something we may not naturally bend to, right? It's just not, it's not natural, yeah.
Yeah, and so you have to be very intentional of making it become a habit, almost like the neuroplasticity in our brains. Like, that's awesome. We're going down this certain path that we haven't gone many times, but we're gonna make this become a habit. I can remember our kids being little, cleaning toilets with three little boys who are potty training. You mean cleaning the wall?
And I can remember thinking, like, I don't even get, I don't see any good in this. And I remember like being in the word later, and even being in the word is hard for young moms.
Now I would listen to it as young mom, but I remember just catching moments like I have to be in the word. It's my anchor. But I remember after, I can't remember what I read, but I thought that can be my worship moment. For sure. Like, God sees, there's not a time he hasn't seen me wiping a body.
Him, you know, wiping noses, cleaning the sink, all the things that I'm doing. He notices that, and I could either complain and grumble about it, or I can make it this worship experience of like, I get to do these things, and my kids see my attitude about it. Yeah, I just think that what you're doing is so stinking. I mean, is that something you're being able to live out now? Because you're in.
You're in a phase with younger kids. I mean, they're running around our studio right now. And that's only one of each of yours. And that's, yeah, that's your oldest. And when we walk in our daughter-in-law's houses, I mean, we remember because I were grandparents, but it's like it's chaos.
And you can see it. They're awesome. Every home with littles is chaos. They're exhausted and they're frazzled and you can feel the tension in the marriage because it's a hard season of your life.
So talk about that for you two. Europe being moms and writing about it. Is it hard? Of course. I think that's where the identity and Christ piece becomes so important because I think if our hope for our goodness before the throne of God is in how good we're doing as a mom, that's really discouraging because we've already talked about, you know, sometimes you kick a hole in the wall, sometimes you yell, sometimes you do things and you realize like you're just unable and you fall short and you don't have what it takes to be the perfect wife and the perfect mom and the perfect homemaker and the perfect worker and the perfect friend.
Like you just, you're not going to be all of those things. But in Christ, we are fully righteous before the throne of God and we get to rest in that. And then, you know, even Jesus wasn't in all places at all times, right? In his physical body, he was ministering to one person at a time, one group of people at a time, wherever God was leading him that day. And so I think I take a lot of comfort in that idea that, yes, there's a lot of people who need me.
You know, there's a lot of areas where I'm. I maybe not. Doing as much as I want to be doing, but I'm following hopefully step by step, moment by moment, what God is calling me to do that day. And that's all I can do. Is that the kind of thing that when you go to bed, we have that choice of beating ourselves up, feeling the shame, meaning the enemy is the accuser?
So I. How have you done that? I'm sure that you guys have felt that. Laura, have you felt that when you've gone to bed? Absolutely.
And I loved how you said that you have a choice because I think that's the thing we forget is that we've our heads hit the pillow and suddenly the narrative is playing that we have failed, that we have been a bad mom. Here are all the ways that we haven't done it right. Here are all the ways we're going to be better tomorrow. And I think that that's the moment that we can just stop and say, hold on, I want to. Take control of every thought and get captive.
That's right. And recognize that it's a battlefield of the mind. And that is where we can say, okay, Lord. I wasn't perfect. I think it's important that we acknowledge like we probably did sin that day.
You know, there's probably some confession going on. Absolutely. There's, there needs to be confession. It's not that we just say, like, oh, just grace, grace, grace, and just only that, but we recognize, okay, these are ways that these are ways I behaved that I don't want to behave anymore. And so we confess that to the Lord.
We ask his forgiveness. And then from there, we can also look at all these other things that, you know, Satan is just heaping on. And that's that condemnation that is extra that God hasn't placed there. And we can ask, well, Lord, is that something I should have done today? Maybe it's that we feel like, oh man, I was supposed to, you know, go get these errands done or I was supposed to make this incredible party and I didn't get started planning this birthday party.
Well, has God asked us to make big, huge birthday parties? You know, and that's where knowing the gospel and understanding what's in the Bible is so important for a mom because when we do the day replay, we realize or have to remember what is actually, what God is actually asking of us. And so often we're adding to the list of what a faithful mom looks like. And I'll never forget.
Someone once said to us, You know, she said, I'm so thankful that God hasn't asked me to be faithful in another mom's life because that would be very, very hard. But we look at another mom's life and we think she's being perfectly faithful. She's getting it all done. She's doing perfectly. And we look at ours and feel that we failed and measured up, but he only asked us to be faithful in our own.
And actually, when it comes down to it, when we understand what God has really asked of moms, it's actually quite simple. You know, it's loving Jesus, it's loving our families, it's being faithful to our children to raise them to know and love God. And all of these tertiary things that I think we add on that create that end-of-day guilt are really just extras. That if we thought critically for a little while, I think we'd see that so many of those things, you know, we can leave at the cross and leave them there and don't have to worry about them. Man, as we celebrate 50 years of ministry, we continue to hear stories of how God is transforming families through family life.
Like Andrew and Eileen, for example. When they married, they were so full of hope. Weren't we all? But life storms came fast. A newborn family tension and strains on their marriage, and their home just felt heavy.
But God wasn't finished. Through Family Life's Weekend Remember, and Love Like You Mean at Cruise, they rediscovered Christ's design for marriage. And they were even, listen to this, able to help Andrew's parents reconcile after years of distance. Which is really what it's all about. God changes our marriage so we can impact others.
Well, here's the thing: thousands of couples are facing storms like this right now. And some are quietly hurting, some are on the brink of divorce. and some need hope to day. And I'll tell you what, this ministry is supported financially from partners like you who say, I believe in this and I want to give. And right now, every monthly donation will be matched for a full year, doubling the impact of your gift.
So we really hope and pray that you'll consider joining us. All you have to do is visit familylifetoday.com. Or call 1-800-FL today. And together, we can shape the next generation of families who walk with Christ. I've watched in.
Obviously 43 years married now. Our oldest is thirty-seven, thirty-six? I think it's thirty-seven there. But I've watched her carry and not now, but back in the earlier days, Mom Guilt. There's that mom's shame.
And then there's guilt that you just sort of address. Is that something you've been able to take to the cross? Or is it something you still carry? Or is it a daily, weekly, you know, sort of journey? Yeah.
I mean, I think every mom struggles with things that she regrets, moments that she looks back on in her day and thinks, ooh, I shouldn't have handled it that way. And then, like Laura said, sometimes there's things that just expectations we've put on ourselves that aren't from scripture that are nice to do, but they could be from social media. Sure, from social media. They can be from our friends.
So, one tool that Laura and I have used is just to say, like, you always want to examine your guilt.
So. No matter what it is, don't stuff it down or ignore it. And that's what we usually see moms do: just they live with it. It's just you internalize it deep inside. Don't live it like it can look at it.
Yes, anything formal. The home of Mom Gil is like their friend on the hand. Because when you look at it, There's always freedom on the other side because either you're going to look at it and find out that this is something you actually need to confess and repent, and there's freedom there, or you're going to look at it and God's going to give you that wisdom to say, you know what, this wasn't something that I had to do anyway. This is okay. This is something I can let go.
And I can walk in freedom knowing that I don't have to do the elaborate birthday parties. You know, we were talking last night at dinner about traveling and like all the different trips people take their kids on. And I was telling Laura, you know, something that I rest in knowing is that that's a nice to do, but that's not God's requirement for my motherhood is to take her kids on these amazing trips. And so that's something when I feel the guilt about that, I just let it go because I would love to, but that's not a biblical requirement for motherhood.
So I think if moms can just examine their guilt, you know, then you can walk forward in freedom. Emily and I will often say, you know, naming the feelings. Actually, I almost said this first study, but now I say it. The time. Naming the feeling takes away like 70% of the feeling's power.
You know, that's good. Let's say that again because this is really good for the moments who listen to.
So, naming how you feel takes away about 70% of that feeling's power. Unscientific. Maybe it is. I know. I got to go find the stuff.
But I like Cain Friends. I like science. Sissy Goff would agree with you.
Okay, I'm not sure. I'm not getting the feelings. Yes, and there is something there, I think, that when we can just even. When maybe we're confused, maybe it's end of day, kind of the replay that's going on. Maybe it's in the middle of the day and suddenly we feel anger because life is out of control or whatever it is.
I have really learned that it is helpful for me to tell Emily or another good friend, hey, here is how I'm feeling, or here is what I am worried about, or here's what I'm upset about. And so often, the moment that it comes out of our mouth, we don't even need a response quite yet. It is like, okay, that just takes out the hotness of that feeling. And I think that sometimes when maybe we, as moms, we do get confused or we can't see clearly, we can't preach the gospel to ourselves without feeling. If we can just bring in our friends, bring in the family member.
Tell her husband, whomever it might be, but to tell them how we're feeling. I think that there's a lot of power in just bringing that truth to light. And then also, You know, a lot of people look at Emily and I and they're like, wow, how did you get here? How did you learn all these things?
Well, it's because we talked about it for hours and hours and hours and hours. And we have spent and logged just days on Voxer and other ways of talking with one another where we've learned together and we've grown together. And so that is like a huge encouragement, I think, for moms is they grow in this skill of understanding, identifying guilt, identifying shame, what you do afterwards, how to process the gospel. That is where you need to bring community in and bring in your friends and start naming things, start talking about things, being open about things and not hiding them. I love how practical that is too.
And also telling God everything you're feeling. Like one of our kids called the other day and I said, you know what, you should do it. Just walk to the end of your street. Talk to God. Tell him everything you're feeling.
And even that, it's almost like this balloon in your chest that's full. It just deflates as you're walking. And I think the friend piece is big. What are you saying to the women that say, I don't have anybody?
Okay. I think it's really common in motherhood to experience loneliness. And it's also really common to believe that you are all alone and you're the only one who understands what you're going through. No one could possibly get you. And at some level, everyone's life is very unique.
And so there is some truth to that. But I also think that for someone who feels completely and utterly alone, at some level, my encouragement to them would be to say, Perhaps you have felt great sorrow because, like for me, a child with disabilities, but I have many friends who may not relate on that level of a child with disabilities, but they have known grief. They have known pain. They have known their life not maybe going the way that they thought. And so, there are people that I think we can find and connect with that if we, Perhaps have a broader view of what a friend can look like and what understanding can look like and encouragement in the gospel can look like.
Suddenly, friendship can be formed. And it's also putting yourself in places where you can find friends. And again, in young motherhood, oftentimes we are isolated to our home or just going to work and back home, and there are not a lot of ways to make connections, or we feel too tired to make that connection, or we feel like it'd be too much work to get our kids out. But it is always worth the work. And it may take time, it may take.
A year or two or more of praying and asking God to give you a friend, but it also means that we have to go into spaces where we can make those friends.
So the local church obviously is a huge place for a young mom to make friends. And so many churches have incredible programs designed just for that because we know that that's a really hard season for moms. It may mean texting neighbors. It may mean getting involved in your school's PTO or in the daycare programming. I mean, there are a lot of ways if we just say, okay, I'm willing to make some effort.
But I think what happens very quickly is that we sort of kind of fold in on ourselves. And that's what Satan wants. He wants us to believe that there's no one out there that can get us. There's no one out there that can help us. There's no one that wants to even be a friend.
But there's another mom out there, I'm sure, that feels just like you. And if we can get you guys to the same spot, hopefully at your local church, there's a friendship to be had.
Well, nothing like having Emily and Laura talk about motherhood.
Well, I have wanted to get these two on for so long, so it was so good to have them. Again, their book is called Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments. And if you want to get that book, just go to familylifetoday.com, click on the link in the show notes, and you can buy it there. And tomorrow, we have Emily and Laura back with us.
So we'll see you tomorrow. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a crew ministry. celebrating fifty years of God's faithfulness as marriages grow stronger and families flourish in Him. Yeah.
