Well, good morning, everyone. We are looking forward to continuing the Song of Solomon sermon series. If you've not joined us for any of it thus far, you are going to want to go back and listen to those sermons. Man, it's been a blessing for me personally, for our marriage, for our family. I have the unique privilege of being able to have my parents attend the same church that we attend as a family.
And a couple of weeks ago during the sermon series, my I have I have some teenage and young adult. Kids who attend here as well. They were sitting next to Grammy and Papa during the sermon. You already know where this is going. And during the sermon, they said they came home and they said, "Dad, it was so cringe sitting next to Grammy and Papa during the sermon series." He's like, they kept giggling and they kept like flirting with one another.
It was just so bad, and I kind of just laughed at that. I thought, man, I think that that's kind of the point. I think there's a little tiny parable about what man the the desire of the sermon series really is, which is to be able to see marriages last, marriages to be able to to unite under under faithfulness, and trust. And my parents celebrated forty-eight years of marriage this last week. Man, it was such a gift to us to be able to see that and to be able to have them joining here with us.
And I think that most of us want a love. I would say all of us want real love, a love that we know is lasting. We want a kind of love that is that is true. I mean, it doesn't really matter if you're single or if you're married or or or or whatever wherever you may be. Everybody wants love; they want it to be lasting.
I think sometimes our young singles might be asking the question, "Well, will anybody actually want me?" I remember being there in that place where where you just kind of wonder like, is it ever going to happen for me? And maybe some of you who have been married for a short while, maybe you're wondering like, how do I get a marriage that's lasting? We're after you know 48 years of marriage and all of that, you know, you know, we're still cutting up and flirting and giggling over these kinds of things. What does it take to get there? You know, Lana Del Rey wrote a song, and and she sings a song that that basically says the question: Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
And I think that this is a nagging question that a lot of people want to know, especially our young ladies. They want to know, like, hey, how do I find somebody who's going to love me when I'm when I'm old and and and and maybe not as beautiful as I am now, and maybe have the wrinkles and and don't have the same body that I have now. Where do I find somebody who's going to love me? Because even in Lana Del Rey's song, she even makes it like this case where she's like, "Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?" And she says, "I know you will." And she repeats it, "I know you will." But if you've heard the song, you know she doesn't believe it. That's the whole point: is she doesn't believe it, like because the culture around her is actually communicating a completely different message than what she is hoping for.
She wants a little bit of of a surety that she's going to have that kind of a lasting love. But the truth is, is that our culture and our world around us really shows more like a song that says, "I'll love you till I don't." You know, he he says in the song, "I'm I'm I'm not going to make a promise for forever because there's too many variables." Is essentially the message. Of the song.
Well, last weekend we we looked at a godly man and what, as women, you should be looking for in a man, and and what men we are becoming.
Now this week we're going to kind of flip it. This week is all about a godly woman. The big idea today is a godly woman should be prized, is to be prized. And men, you you you know, young men, unmarried men, you want to be able to to really listen up and lock in on this. This is what we are looking for.
You are looking for in a woman and women. This is who you are becoming in Christ. This is who you are becoming.
So let's just do an exercise really quickly. Everybody, take out kind of in your mind a card, a three by five card, and I want you to write on that three by five card the top three things that you are looking for in a woman.
Okay, women, I want you to go ahead and wonder what they're writing on that card.
So often, I think we will be writing on that card things that actually don't last. You know, I really appreciated Pastor Andrews' quote that he said at the beginning of last week's sermon. I'm going to requote it, but he says, "What matters in the end is what we should be looking for in the beginning." Too often, we are looking for things that actually won't last, that things that fade, things that might be nice, but things that don't last, and they don't fade, and they certainly don't bring in what is going to make a foundation of a strong, lasting. Marriage. I've said this in each one of the the sermons.
Like, if you are unmarried and you have a desire to be married, I don't think that there are two more sermons than last weekend this week that are more important for you because who you marry matters. It's not it's not a frivolous thing that you should take as like as long as you know we're good we'll kind of make it we'll make it work. And who you become before you marry matters just as much as who you marry.
So, if you've been following along, Song of Solomon, we have gone from chapter one, and now we're going to be starting in chapter number four to kind of give you an idea of what that has looked like thus far. It really starts; it's it's really just one long game of hide and seek. The whole book. That's it. That's the that's the sermon in a sentence is or or the book in a sentence is hide and seek, and it's a really long one.
And it starts where Solomon sort of just comes onto the scene, and he starts. He he looks at this woman, he starts. Writing about her, and it's taken us through the courtship phase, and then last weekend we saw the marriage procession. As we looked at the godly man, we saw how, you know, we women you're looking for a man who is a somebody who leads and somebody who provides, somebody who protects. The marriage procession.
Now we are going to look at the wedding night. Before you get too squeamish, I'm not going to go too in depth in that, but. I'm going to leave that for Pastor Andrew next week, but but know this: like God is not like blushing by what He wrote in His book.
Okay, the the the Book of Song of Solomon doesn't really pull a punch when it comes to that.
So we're going to begin reading Song of Solomon, chapter four, beginning in verse one. Behold, you are beautiful, my love. Behold, you are beautiful. Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes that have come up from the washing. All of which bear twins, and not one among them has lost its young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, built in rows of stone.
On it hang a thousand shields, all of the shields of warriors. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense. I know we could open up with a poem like this, and we could start to wonder, like, what does any of that mean? Is he actually complimenting her?
We're talking about ewes and and her teeth and all the pomegranates. All of a sudden, her neck is like the Tower of David, like a linebacker or something. But what we're looking at is we're looking at a man who is ravished by his wife. And he is just gushing over her. His intention is to start from his head all the way down to her toe.
Best I can tell, he doesn't get past her waist. In a few more verses, but he says this in verse number seven. He says, "You are altogether beautiful, my love. There is no flaw in you." I want to pause really quickly, and I'm going to do this throughout the whole sermon. I'm going to talk to married men and young men, and married women and young women.
So try to keep up with with the variations. I think there's a lot of application here for all of us, married men. Man, here's a man who is who has done kind of all the right things. I mean, when you think about from chapter one all the way to chapter number four, he has courted her, he has shown her, he is providing for her, going to protect her, going to lead her well, all of these things, and now he's coming to the wedding night. And what you don't find is a man who's rushing to get physical.
You actually find a man who is who who knows the importance of bringing affirmation and adoration to his wife, looking at her, seeing her, and and telling her how much he loves about her. He is not necessarily planning to jump out of the bathroom in some sort of costume he got from his bachelor party. He is taking this night very seriously because he wants to show and communicate the value that she has. Sex involves. More than mere action.
Your words, your tone—they all play a part of it.
So let me ask you, men, especially married men: When was the last time you spoke words of affirmation to your wife in her most vulnerable moments? Young men. And if you're somebody who, you know, and I'm not trying to make fun, but I'm just saying, like, I have some, I have young men in my household, and and you know. Snapping your your ceiling fan forty six times a day so you can keep your streak alive, all that kind like like that's not going to cut it anymore. Like communication, like like bowing to the communication of the day is not necessarily the best way to be able to show value to the woman that you hope to be able to marry someday.
In fact. Maybe a lot of you were like this. When I grew up, I had two forms of communication. If I wasn't in person, we had two forms. We had one landline in the center of the house.
That if you're you were lucky, you had a long enough cord that you could stand in the garage while you were talking on the phone. You with me? Or number two, you had a hand. You you had a handwritten letter. My wife and I lived about three and a half hours apart, so when we met at a youth camp in 1998, we started writing letters to one another, and I still have every single one of those letters.
She doesn't because she burned them because I broke up with her. It's a long story and all that kind of stuff. Hey, young men, the encouragement is learn how to use words to communicate. Not digitally. Learn how to use words.
Write it down. Speak words. Look at her in the eye and be able to speak words of value and affirmation to her. All right, back to the card. I want you to to be able to to kind of think back to the the things that you wrote on that card.
You with me, guys? What are the three things that you wrote on that card? Because I'm going to share with you three things that King Solomon wrote on his card. And and again, men, this is this is who we're looking for in a suitor, if you will, a future wife, women. This is who you are becoming in Christ.
So let's begin by the first thing that we see is really found in verse number seven that a godly woman is confident in who she's becoming. Because what we saw in chapter one, verse number five, is a very different woman than we see here in chapter four. What I mean by that is that when he looks at her, the very first thing she says to him is, "Don't look at me. I don't like the way I look, so don't look at me." You could see that she's lacking a little bit of confidence and a little bit of security in that.
So it really begs the question for us here today, as we're reading in verse number four, when she's standing in front of him with nothing on, nothing to cover herself. She doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. As he's standing there and as he's he's literally talking about every part of her body. What in the world changed? And I think it's it's important to note this as you've read through Song of Solomon.
It's pretty important to note that he has taken every opportunity to affirm her, to be able to communicate his her value and her worth. I think that that plays a part in it. But but please hear me, especially young ladies in the room today. You will not be able to find if you're looking for confidence and affirmation in other people around you. It's going to leave you pretty vulnerable.
And empty. The only way to truly be able to get to this level of confidence is when you could stand before the King and know that the King gushes over you. And I'm not talking about King Solomon. I'm talking about the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He loves you, and he looks at you and he says you are flawless.
He says, "You're beautiful. You're flawless. There's nothing wrong with you." He looks at you, and when you can stand in the presence of God and know, "Man, I am loved by a God who doesn't necessarily just see my physical attributes. He knows my character. He knows my past.
He knows my thoughts, and He says, 'You are lovely. You are beautiful.'" Young ladies, there is no and young men. Let me just say this: there is no greater way to spend your time than at the throne of grace to be able to learn once again every single day how much God loves you and how beautiful and valuable and and and worthy of dignity and honor because He is as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords says so. Will never become who we are fully designed to be, who God designed fully designed us to be, until we're captivated by the King. The second thing that we see, and while we've looked at how he has just kind of gushed over her beauty, the second thing we see is that a godly woman's beauty really runs deeper than just her looks.
Man, if we're honest, guys, pull out that three by five card again. If you're honest, did you get past number one? Is she hot, right? And then number two is C. Number one, right?
Um, I think that if we are if if we're learning anything here today, let it be this: a godly woman's beauty does run deeper. Than her looks, and let me just speak to young ladies in the room today, and and really all of our women in here. And I know this this is going to happen throughout the sermon. You're going to be mad at me in just a couple minutes, but just hang on. You know, a lot of times in churches, because of the culture, women have decided, or the culture has decided that men and churches should stay out of discipling women.
Man, if we're truthful to the word. Man, we ought to be open and and eager to be able to hear what the word says.
So let me start with, with saying this, man. This inner beauty. What what are we talking about? I think Proverbs thirty one is a great chapter to be able to just look through and to be able to see. Like, what does it look like to be an excellent wife?
Verse thirty. Proverb says, "Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain." Watch this. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Now I know some of our minds that that doesn't even compute, because what the world kind of teaches us is the exact opposite. It's more like seduction is power, and beauty is is everlasting. And a woman who follows her heart is to be praised. I feel like that—that's kind of the message of the culture, and and and and young ladies in here, man. Please hear this, like man.
Always question, always question the culture. I'm not saying everything the culture ever communicates is wrong, but a lot of times it is, and it should be rejected when we when we see that that basically that that that the the world kind of is training you. To really, you know, make seduction and beauty the things that you focus on, man is to be rejected, because charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. Fearing the Lord is what is to be praised. Look at what captures the king's heart.
He says in verse number nine. You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. What does he mean there?
Well, the same author of Song of Solomon is the author in the Book of Proverbs, and whenever he speaks about a necklace in the Proverbs, or many times when he's speaking about a necklace in the Book of Proverbs, he's actually speaking about the inner life and the character of a woman.
So, what are the things in a woman that he is seeing in her that he's like, man, this is beauty that runs even. Even deeper, well, it begins with her words. If you look at verse eleven, he says, "Your lips drip nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like fragrance of Lebanon." You know, it's interesting to me because he started by really talking of verses one through six, really talking about her outward beauty, which is not wrong.
But then he moves to her inward beauty. But when he talks about her inward beauty, he points to her lips. What do you think he is talking about here? I think what he is getting at is the fact that her words, which come from her mouth, are both nourishing and they're sweet. This is where this is where, ladies, we could get a little bit, little little.
You know, toes stepped on here for just a second, but let me just let me just encourage you for just a moment. Every every person, but let me just speak directly to women for just a second. Everyone has a choice of how we're going to use our words. We're either going to use our words to build up, or we're going to use our words to tear down. And let me just tell you this: in the book of Proverbs.
A man has a propensity, which means we we tend one toward what what one way when we're when we're speaking in sin, and women have one way when they're speaking in sin. And let me just share it with you. I'm gonna get behind here just for protection. For guys, when we speak harshly, that is the warning.
Solomon in the book of Proverbs, he says, "Guys, you have to temper your speech. Speak gently, not harsh." Women, what's the thing that Solomon continues to point out in the book of Proverbs? Have you guessed it? You're all waiting. I love it.
Everybody's. In the book of Proverbs, he talks about a nagging and gossiping wife. Nagging and gossip—you look at me and going, "Well, propensity." When in sin, the way that we can use our words is to nag. Our, your words is in a way of nagging. Or gossiping, talks about a quarrelsome wife often.
In fact, he's like, I'd rather live on the other side of the house than to have to live with a wife who is continually nagging. And I know that that's not fun to hear, but I'm helping you to see like the propensity when we're not actually convinced that the King of King. Loves us, and when we're not spending time in the Word, when our character isn't being developed by the King of Kings, often what we can point towards is either nagging or gossiping. I want to encourage you with three verses from Proverbs 31, which, if you haven't read it, ladies, this is a great chapter to be able to see. It's called the Excellent Wife.
It says she opens her mouth with wisdom, and teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Wisdom. Teaching of kindness, man, ladies. Let me just say this to encourage you, to to help you here with with talking to and about your husband. When your husband knows that his co-pilot is one hundred percent in his corner, you have given him the key to be able to leading with courage.
Any time, and he and we we are going to make mistakes, and we are going to fail. And when we do, you have a decision to make. I'm either going to build them up, or I'm going to tear them down. I'm either going to say you messed up, and I've got this from here on out, or you're going to say, "Hey, we're going to recover. We're going to get through this." I trust you.
I know you have our family's best interest in mind, and I know I I don't have time to caveat every single sentence in here today, but please understand. Generally speaking, our words, man, we build up, build up, not tear down. Second verse in Proverbs thirty-one, verse number twelve, it says that she does him good and not harm all the days of her life. Man, that sounds pretty oddly specific. For all the days of her life, her desire is to do him good.
The third verse I want to point out from Proverbs thirty-one.
So interesting. Says her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
So you got to be able to see the scene. Here's a woman. Who her she speaks kindly to him and greatly about him. And here's the cool part about Proverbs 31. It doesn't just leave it on the shoulders of women to be able to build up their husbands.
But here's what it says at the end of Proverbs 31. It says her children will rise up and call her blessed. The husband will honor his wife.
So you see the honor cycle. She she's she's speaking honoring words to him, and he's honoring her. Her kids are honoring her. People in the city and the community they they go, wow, your husband is great. Why?
How did they know that? Because she told us. I encourage you, each of us. Man, to be able to to pour into one another words of life and truth. The third thing that we see is that a godly woman guards what is holy.
And man, if anything I said sounded old fashioned up to this point, this one is probably even more so. But I think it's probably the most honoring thing that he says about her. He says, "A garden locked is my sister, my bride. A spring locked, a fountain sealed." Obviously, I am not a scholar in Middle Eastern erotic love poetry like this, but kind of know where he's going with this one. But let's get under the surface and understand what he is saying.
You know, in order to understand, he's talking about springs and wells and and gardens. The point is, is that in a desert, a spring and a well is pretty important. A garden is almost unheard of in the desert. And I think that we have the same thing going on in our culture today. It's almost unheard of that a and a man and a woman on their wedding night would have saved themselves completely and totally for one another sexually.
It's almost completely unheard of. And it's absolutely in his heart and in his mind. He's like, man, this is incredibly valuable to me. Ladies, young ladies, saving your body does not make you old-fashioned or uptight. It might make you old-fashioned, but it doesn't make you uptight or some sort of prude.
You'd need to read Charles Dickens to be able to know what that means. It means you know your worth. You, it means that you you you value your own body. That's what it means. You see, every single person has a desire and a drive to be loved, and to be known, and to be accepted.
And if we're not careful, we we live in a culture that makes it far too easy to feel like you could be loved and known if you just give up something that is precious and valuable. But God's way is better. When you save yourself for a man or for a woman. Man, you are seeking to be able to to communicate value to them as well. I I want to speak for just a moment to young fellows in the room, or are all men in the room?
Listen carefully. There are a lot of problems with pornography, and I know that this is not intended to be a moment of shame for everybody. But let me just say this. Pornography is like walking into a thousand gardens and never committing and never loving any of them. Taking—it's only taking.
The problem and the biggest problem with pornography is not that you see too much; it's actually that you don't see enough, because you never get to know somebody before you've taken something from them. Seeing woman after woman after woman, it it desensitizes you toward the value that is inherent in each one of them. The world desensitizes, and this text trains us to cherish just one. Please hear me. If you struggle to be able to find freedom.
From pornography, and when I say pornography, I'm also speaking about the approved stuff that you can just see on Instagram or whatever social media app that you might be looking through, and and and you know it's not quite technically porn, but it's it's really giving you that same sort of dopamine hit. At the same time, please hear this: there is freedom in Christ to be found from pornography. It's not by trying harder or or or any of that, or doing better, more. You know, it's not just by having more. You know, ways that you can avoid it and all that, more boundaries.
It's not that, but man, you got to put that thing in the light. Not everybody needs to know, but somebody does. I would encourage you guys, man. Seek out your shepherding elder, seek out your campus pastor, because you don't have to be somebody who silently just lives in shame, day after day, week after week. You could find freedom from that.
I want to go back to guarding what's holy for just a moment, and just say this. And I think in movies and TV shows and songs, our culture has it exactly the opposite way that the Bible teaches it. See, the Bible talks about sex in this—I mean, or the culture talks about man before marriage, what should be private, reserved, and exclusive, is actually wide open, and after marriage. What is meant to be enjoyed and celebrated, is now hard to get or closed. You understand, man?
Paul Paul says it pretty plainly. He says, "Wives, do not withhold." He calls it your conjugal rights. Do not withhold sex from your husband. And then he says, "Husbands, don't withhold sex from your wife." And I know every husband in here today is like, Pastor, I'm going to follow the Word of God today. That's my commitment today.
As I'm going to follow. Let me just say this, men. It is a whole lot easier to come across a celebrated, to to to have that celebratory nature of sex in marriage when you are. When she feels safe and cherished, the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day, it's okay to laugh. Hey, I know this is complicated.
I really do. If trust has been broken by infidelity, pornography, abuse, lying, I am not telling you; you just need to get over it. It's not what I'm saying. What I'm actually saying is, let's work together to get some help, so that we can actually have flourishing marriages through it.
So I want to step back for just a moment, man. What we saw—you know, this this confident woman and who she's becoming, whose beauty runs deeper than just her looks. Who guards what is holy? whose Whose husband looks at her and says, "You are flawless." Can I just bring attention to the elephant in the room? Does anybody else feel like this is a little bit too good to be true?
Like, I mean, is there such a thing as a flawless person? I mean, good night. We know for certain he wasn't flawless. I mean, the man had 700 wives, and they weren't good enough, so he had 300 girlfriends to go along with it. These were two very flawed people, and I think there's something clearly deeper that's going on in here today.
I think that the near perfect marriage that we see here is really just a sign pointing us to the truer and better marriage. You see, the truer and better marriage is that we have a husband in Christ, who actually sees us and knows us perfectly, and he still looks at you and he still looks at me, and he says you are flawless. I mean that does that does not make a whole lot of sense because I know I'm not flawless. I know that I know the the the sin that I think I know the sin that I do, and yet when He looks at me and when He looks at you, if you're in Christ, man, He sees a beautiful, flawless bride. That He says He's He's preparing for that day, and He is changing us into His image.
See, Jesus lived the life that we could never live, and He died the death that we deserve. And His blood really offers us two things today that we need to take away. The first, His blood offers us healing for the scars, healing for the scars. You know, Isaiah fifty three: By His stripes you are healed. He went through the shame of being naked on a cross, so that you would not go through the shame of your sin and the shame of your scars.
I know that there are a lot of people in here today who maybe you have scars because of the fact that you didn't give away your virginity; it was taken away from you. And if you don't have healing from that, it's going to be really hard for you to be able to stand known and naked and unashamed before somebody else. Man, today you need to find healing. You need to come forward and and have people pray over you and find healing for your scars. Secondly, His blood offers us forgiveness of sin, and I'm talking about.
Both the sin that we're born with and the sins that we choose to commit. I'm I'm even talking about the one right now in your mind that you're like, well, I don't know if God could actually forgive me of that one. That's the one He's forgiving you of, wants to forgive you of today. Here's the thing: you won't find forgiveness if you don't seek for that forgiveness. Man, you need to be you need to be able to come forward with it.
The Bible talks about. Seeking for forgiveness from God and healing, from the community. When we confess to the community, I'm not saying come up here and confess. I'm saying, talk to somebody about this. And then there's some in here today.
You're like, man, Pastor Jason, I I kind of feel kind of beaten down. Maybe you're a young lady, and you um, you're like, I I I haven't saved myself for. My future husband, maybe you're a young man. Same, same thing. Please hear me say this: You are not damaged goods.
You are not second-rate citizens, because the Bible says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things have passed away, and behold, all things have become new." That's what you need to bask in. That's what you need to cherish, memorize, and say, "Hey, maybe I have a little bit of a of a past that I'm not super proud of." Listen, but you have a future in front of you that every single day you can step into the reality of Christ's grace.
So, if you're an unbeliever in here today, I want to challenge you. If you've never placed faith in Jesus Christ alone, you can do that today. You don't have to. You don't. You don't have to raise your hand.
You don't have to come forward. What you need to do is understand and accept what He has done for you on the cross. Acknowledge that you have sinned. Believe that He is who He says He is, and can and and confess Him as Lord. And if you are a believer in here today, I want to challenge us to stop looking at the mirror and to begin looking at the cross and making it a daily exercise of I'm going to spend more time looking at the cross than I am at the mirror, because the mirror is only going to discourage me.
The cross is going to encourage me. Here's what I mean. Zephaniah three seventeen. When you wake up tomorrow morning, say these words: "God rejoices over me with singing." Well, let me tell you. Nothing, nothing will transform you like the gospel, and repeating, repeating the gospel to yourself.
God looks over you with singing. Who am I? Who are you that God would look and love me in that way? The perfect King of the universe, the Creator, the Maker of all things, sees you and sings over you. He is happy.
He doesn't tolerate you. He loves you. And if you're an unbeliever and you've been, you say, "Man, I've been saved, but I've just never gone public with it. I've never put on the wedding ring, so to speak, in baptism." And we're baptizing in a couple weeks. Text the word "baptism" to the number on the screen.
We'd love that conversation with you. All right, let's pray. Jesus, thank you for loving us, for speaking and singing over us, Lord, with songs of of joy. That in spite of who we are, and in spite of the bad decisions that we've made in our life, Lord, we can be—we can find total freedom in you. We can be fully known and fully seen because of you.
I pray that today we would spend some time reflecting and basking in your love, in Christ's name.
