Hope for Lonely Hearts | When Sex Becomes Destructive

A New Beginning presents a great book from Pastor Greg Laurie called Hope for America. Yes, we're in a political season right now. We need to vote. We should be informed on the issues as Americans and as Christians, but we should also recognize the ultimate hope for our nation is turning back to God. So I talk about this and a lot more in a book I've written called Hope for America. And I want to send it to you for your gift of any size.

Get your copy at harvest.org. You need to make this decision to remain pure in the front seat of the church, not the back seat of your car. Decide now. Don't decide later when the lights are down and the temptation is high and the music is playing the saxophone, you know. Pastor Greg Laurie has important relationship advice today about moral purity. Sex and the single person. It could be summed up in one word.

No. Our culture says wait to have sex until the third or fourth date. They say before you marry someone, try living together for a while to see if it works out.

Marriage as long as we both shall live, no want. It's pretty obvious that's not the way God intended. Maybe that's why half of marriages fail. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie gives the best advice there is, not from magazines or talk shows but from the inventor of marriage.

All right. Well let's turn in our Bibles to two passages together. We are going to look at 1 Corinthians 13 and Genesis chapter 39.

And the title of my message is Hope for Lonely Hearts. 1 Corinthians 13 starting in verse 4. Paul writes, Now here is the problem with the word love. We have one word in the English language for love and it is love.

And we use it from everything to I love my job, do I love my house, do I love my car, to I love my dog, do I love tacos, to I love my girlfriend or my boyfriend. So in the Greek language they had multiple words for love. It wasn't just one word. They had eros, which mainly was physical attraction. They had phileo, that spoke of brother love, the love between friends, family. They had agape, which is the word that is most commonly translated as love in the New Testament. In fact everything we just read there in 1 Corinthians 13 was a definition of agape. John 3 16, For God so loved the world, that's agape. When the Bible says God is love again it is the word agape. Greater love is no man than this and He laid on His life for His friends.

Again it is the word agape. Now every one of these loves has its place in a relationship. Eros is not always bad. I think we think eros is evil. Erotic. You know.

Well wait a second. Eros is a Greek word that speaks of physical and sexual attraction. Eros is just fine in the right place. If eros is in marriage where it can be righteously fulfilled it is a good thing to be sexually attracted to your wife etc.

But outside of marriage it becomes problematic and even sinful. But actually it is really eros that attracts you to a person where you notice them. You know. Oh well look at that guy.

Look at that girl. So it is not an evil thing in and of itself. Phileo is more the friendship.

Now let me sort of contrast them. Eros wants something from someone. Phileo will give you something but expects something in return. Agape will give you something wanting nothing back. If we compared it to gift giving eros means I just want the gift from you now. Phileo would say I will give you a gift but what are you giving me in return? But Agape would say here is a gift you can never pay forever but I am giving it to you because I love you. Tragically many relationships are built on eros today. And when she is no longer hot you dump her. And when he no longer has disposable cash you dump him.

Right? And so you go from relationship to relationship saying that you are falling in and out of love when you in fact have never really experienced genuine lasting love that will last a lifetime. You want to build a marriage on this Agape love though there is a place for the Phileo friendship love and a place for the eros love. So let's talk a little bit about sex and the single person. It can be summed up in one word. No. Is that clear?

No. Greg are you saying that a single person can't have sex? Exactly. More importantly that is what God is saying. Sex is not bad. Sex is good. We wouldn't be here without sex. But it has been created by God. There is a proper place for it.

And that place is not outside of the marriage relationship. Don't tell me as a single person that God spoke to your heart and said, my child I am ok if you guys express your love one to another. It is never the will of God. You say, well Greg that is your interpretation. And I think your interpretation is very narrow because my God is loving and my God wants me to express myself and my God says it is ok for me to have sex with my boyfriend.

Actually don't dispute that. I would just say your God is not the same God as the Bible. You have another God. And I guarantee that God won't save you. But the God of the Bible says this about it very clearly. 1 Thessalonians 4 it is God's will that you should be sanctified or set apart and you should avoid sexual immorality. Hebrews 13 4 it says, Remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Then Proverbs 5 15 says, Drink water from your own well.

Share love only with your wife. Outside of its proper context sex can be extremely destructive spiritually and even physically. That is why there is no such thing as a so-called one night fling. You might say oh it didn't mean anything.

Well I am sorry it means a lot. And the reason it means a lot is because when you enter into a sexual union with someone you effectively become one flesh with them. And by the way that even applies to a guy that hires a prostitute for the night or a girl who does the same. In fact the Apostle Paul said over in 1 Corinthians 6 15, Don't you realize your bodies are parts of Christ. Should a man take his body which belongs to Christ and join it to a prostitute?

Never. Don't you know if a man joins himself to a prostitute he becomes one body with her. Because the Scripture says the two are united into one so run away from sexual sin. No other sin clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality, writes Paul, is a sin against your own body. The Scripture says you have been bought with a price therefore glorify God with your body. You say, well Greg it is ok. We are practicing safe sex.

No. You need to save sex for marriage. You need to make this decision to remain pure in the front seat of the church not the back seat of your car. Decide now. Don't decide later when the lights are down and the temptation is high and the music is playing. The saxophone you know. You ever notice that in a movie when something really weird is going to happen the saxophone starts playing. So you're out there you know under the street light that is out because you shot it out earlier with your BB gun and you're there with your guy or your girl and some guy standing on the corner playing the saxophone.

Trouble's coming. You decide now if you're going to be pure. Because if you decide now you're not going to be in that place to start with see because you know better. You're not an idiot.

But if you're in that place it shows that obviously you've lowered your guard. So you say it doesn't hurt anyone. Have you ever heard of AIDS? AIDS is a leading killer of Americans between the ages of 25 and 44. According to the Center for Disease Control at least one in four American teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. 25 percent of all teenage girls according to this survey have a sexually transmitted disease. And 20 percent of the people who have HIV in America today aren't even aware of it. So that means that there are basically 236,000 people in America today who have HIV AIDS and have no idea and they're spreading it by having unsafe sex. So does the answer save sex? No the answer is abstinence. It hurts people.

Doesn't hurt anyone. What about an unplanned pregnancy? Well we'll just you know just sort of deal with that. We'll abort the fetus.

Oh is that what you call it? I call it murdering an unborn child. That's what the Bible says. And you know the full ramifications of that may not hit you until much later in life. An innocent child killed because people don't want to deal with the inconvenience of raising them. Think God my mom didn't abort me. I was conceived out of wedlock.

I wasn't planned. But God has a plan for every child. There are no illegitimate children. Only illegitimate parents. Every child deserves to live. So any guy or girl that would tell you to prove your love to them by having sex is a loser.

I put the brakes on it right there. The Bible tells the story of Samson whose entire life was devastated by sexual sin because he thought he could handle it. And the reason he thought he could handle it is because he was so powerful and could destroy his enemies. On one occasion he destroyed a thousand of his enemies, the Philistines, with a bone he picked up off the ground. A jawbone of a donkey. He would pick up city gates and carry them on his back.

You know me like this workout you know. Now we always think of Samson as really cut and muscular and buff and so forth. The Bible never says he was. We read that the Spirit of God would come upon him. Which makes me wonder what if he was like some scrawny little dude. Which makes it even funny to think that he could do these things. But the main deal is he had made a commitment to God that was symbolized by growing his hair out long because he took the bow of a Nazarite. And God empowered him.

But because he was so able on the battlefield he thought he could handle anything. So the devil is clever you see. The devil will size you up. Everybody has their vulnerabilities. Everybody has their Achilles heel. What is one person's weakness is not necessarily another's. So the devil will look at you and go, oh I see you are not so weak in that area and you are not the weak there but oh you are very weak over here.

And that is where I am going to hit you. So Samson was a he-man with a she-weakness. So the devil didn't take him down on the battlefield. He took him down in the bedroom.

He didn't take him down with an army. He took him down with one girl with the name Delilah which ironically means delicate. She came to him and said, oh Samsy poo. You are so wonderful. You are so strong. Tell me the secret of your strength so I might torment you.

Would that be the first indication this is not a healthy relationship? That you might what again Delilah? Torment you. You little Delilah. And so every time they got together they would have sex and then she would start asking him, tell me the secret of your strength.

And he got closer and closer to the truth. And then one day he finally just broke down and said, okay secret of my strength. It is symbolized by my long hair. I have never had my haircut. You give me a haircut I will be weak like any other man.

Guess what she did then? He took a one way trip to Delilah's barbershop. He got a buzz cut.

And you know what else he got? He got his eyes gouged out. When the Philistines pounced on him he didn't have that supernatural strength. And he ends up grinding at a mill as a sort of form of entertainment for the Philistines. But listen having said all that God had grace on him. And we read that in that place God gave him a second chance and Judges 16 says, howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again. By the way I have cited that verse many times. Lord you have said in your Word the hair of his head began to grow Lord.

It hasn't worked so far. And his hair did grow back. And of course we all know the story of how Samson slew all those Philistines and so forth in the end. But don't forget that when he pushed those foundational pillars apart and the walls and the ceiling came crashing down and destroyed his enemies he was destroyed with them. That is what sexual sin did for him. But now let me contrast him in closing with a guy who did it right. Samson messed up.

This guy did it right. His name was Joseph. He is in Genesis 39. The Bible tells us he was really good looking.

Really handsome. And he had a God-given sexual drive. Well he was working for a guy named Potiphar who was very wealthy and powerful. He had a wife named. Well we don't know her name actually. She's just Potiphar's wife. She was a cougar for sure. She was probably very attractive as well I'm sure. Otherwise why would it be tempting.

And she was far from subtle. She just come up to Joseph and say, yeah you know what why don't we have sex together. No way. No no come on yeah let's do that. No no no. He says I can't do this wicked thing and sin against God.

Yeah interesting. Let's go ahead and have sex together. And he resisted her day after day. Never even for a moment considered it. And so now she just turns into full predator. Genesis 39 verse 10. She kept putting pressure on him day after day. He refused to sleep with her. He kept out of her way as much as possible.

One day when no one was around he was doing his work inside the house. She came and grabbed him by his shirt demanding sleep with me. Joseph tore himself away and as he did his shirt came off and she was left holding it as he ran from the house. How do you deal when you're really getting tempted do what Joseph did. Run.

Sometimes it's literally as simple as that. You know maybe let's go back to that scenario. Ok you know remember you are in the car and the light is out and the guy is playing saxophone on the street corner and temptation is coming on strong and you are like oh I am getting weak. I am getting weak. Oh no Lord help me. Oh Lord help me. Lord help me. You don't need to pray anymore. No don't pray. Open the door of the car and run.

Better yet kick them out and drive. Get out of there. There is always a way out. How many of you have ever given in to temptation. Raise your hand. I hope all. Don't not raise your.

Not me. That makes me think you are more guilty. Now go back to the last temptation you gave in to.

Let's not make it even evil. Let's just say you know you ate that piece of chocolate cake or something. Was there a way to not do that.

Of course. It's like you know I am trying not to eat late at night but I found myself at Krispy Kreme donuts. How did you find yourself there. Well I was near there. Do you live there in it.

No I don't live near there but kind of cruising by. Yeah well you know you put yourself in the way of temptation. So here is what the Bible says. 1 Corinthians 10 says, No temptation has taken you but such is as common to men. But God who is faithful will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able. But will the temptation make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it?

Loose paraphrase. God will never give you more than you can handle and there is always a way out. And sometimes the way out is as simple as the door which Joseph used.

Flee temptation and don't leave a forwarding address. So Samson he played with it. And sin played with him and effectively ruined him.

Joseph resisted it and ran out. You might say well you know Greg that is all nice what you are saying but I have already fallen. In fact I am living with my boyfriend or girlfriend or I have been having sex outside of marriage or I have actually had an abortion and I am feeling pretty guilty right now and I don't know what to do.

Well here is what you need to do. You need to say to God you are sorry it is a sin. Call it what it is and ask for his forgiveness.

And guess what. He will forgive you. Remember that woman who was caught in the very act of adultery. So how did Jesus deal with her? Remember she was surrounded by her accusers. Jesus got rid of them.

And then he turned to her and said, Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you? She said, No Lord. He said, Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more. See that girl she realized that Jesus was forgiving her. And if you will tell God you are sorry for your sin and repent of it he will forgive you. That doesn't mean you say you are sorry and go and do it again. That is not repentance. So that means ok well break this down for me.

Make it real simple. You are living with someone. You don't live with them anymore. You are having sex with someone. You stop having sex with them. You are looking at pornography. You stop looking at pornography. Well it is hard man. Well then get an Internet filter or get rid of your computer if you need to. Do whatever you need to do.

Take whatever measures you need to take to put the proper barriers in your life. You are in a relationship where you are feeling weak and compromised. You probably need a new relationship.

Make the appropriate changes and you will see things improve quickly. And if you have done something that can't be fixed well then you just ask God to forgive you. You have conceived a child out of wedlock. You carry that child to turn. And if you don't feel you can raise that child you put it up for adoption. There are wonderful Christian homes out there that will adopt that child out to a loving family who love Christ who want to raise it in the way of the Lord. So give that child a chance.

Or maybe you will change your mind after the child is born. But the point is don't make a bad thing even worse ok. So just deal with it.

Take the appropriate measures. And like Jesus said to this woman, go and sin no more. Look.

Bottom line. Every one of us have sinned ok. Now I am not talking to singles or married people in particular. I am just talking to everybody. We have all sinned. And we have all sinned sexually.

Either be it in an act or in a thought. Because Jesus said if you even look at a woman with lust in your heart it is like you have committed adultery. We have all sinned in this area. We have all lied.

We have all stolen. We have all taken the Lord's name in vain. We have all sinned and fallen short of God's glory.

That is clear. But God loved us so much He sent Jesus Christ His own Son to die on the cross in our place. And then He rose again from the dead. And now He stands at the door of our life and knocks and says if we will hear His voice and open the door He will come in and He will forgive us of our sin. Or if I have gone astray He will forgive me and welcome me home again. So we are going to close now in prayer and this is really for anyone that needs to get right with God. If you need to make a commitment or recommitment to Christ respond now.

Let's all pray. Father we thank You for Your Word to us tonight. We thank You for Your offer of forgiveness and we thank You that there is no sin so great that You cannot and will not forgive it. If we will turn from that sin and ask for Your forgiveness. So I pray for any who are here who need to take this step. Any hearing this message who need to repent of their sin.

Help them to do that now. We pray. Amen. Pastor Greg Laurie asking the Lord to forgive us of our sins especially in this area. And if you'd like to make a change today in your relationship with the Lord Pastor Greg will help you in just a moment so stay tuned. And then thank you for partnering with us to help these daily studies continue.

Your investments have eternal benefits. Why not make this a part of your personal ministry to partner in an effort that's making a real difference with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thank you for your prayers and for prayerfully considering how God might lead you to help tangibly. Online you'll find us at harvest.org and there you'll see the way we'd like to thank you for your donation right now.

That's harvest.org or call us at 1-800-821-3300. We're here around the clock to take your call again at 1-800-821-3300. Well Pastor Greg as we get close to the end of today's program we want to give an opportunity for those who'd like to to make a change in their relationship with the Lord.

Could you help them with that? I'd be delighted to. Listen if you would like to accept Jesus Christ into your life right now by that I mean if you would like your sin forgiven and have the assurance that you will go to heaven when you die would you pray this prayer with me to stop what you're doing and pray this prayer. You might even pray it out loud after me.

Let's pray together now. Lord Jesus I know that I'm a sinner but I thank you for dying on the cross for my sin and rising again from the dead. I'm sorry for my sin Lord and I turn from it now and I put my faith in you to be my Savior my Lord my God and my friend. Thank you for loving me and calling me and accepting me. In Jesus name I pray.

Amen. Listen if you just prayed that prayer in a minute I want you to know on the authority of God's Word that Jesus Christ has just come to take residence in your heart. The Bible says these things we write to you that believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. Listen we want to send you some resources that will help you grow spiritually. So here's Dave with some details and let me say God bless you and welcome to the family of God. Yeah and those resources Pastor Greg mentioned are all included in something we call our New Believers Growth Packet and foremost among those resources is Pastor Greg's New Believers Bible. It's a special edition of God's Word and it'll help you get started living your life for the Lord.

We'll send it to you free of charge just ask for the New Believers Bible when you call 1-800-821-3300. We can take your call anytime around the clock that's 1-800-821-3300 or go online to harvest.org and click the two words know God. Hey everyone I want you to know about our app called Harvest Plus. Think of it as a harvest version of Netflix.

We have all of our resources in one place. We have our movies like Steve McQueen The Salvation of an American Icon, Johnny Cash The Redemption of an American Icon, A Rush of Hope and much more. Then we have our television program, Daily Devotions and much more.

So go and download the Harvest Plus app. Well next time Pastor Greg helps us expect the unexpected. It's an important message called help for those facing crisis. If you're not in that situation now you may be someday. Get prepared. Join us here on a new beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie.