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Hope for Lonely Hearts | The Problem with a Christian-Nonbeliever Relationship

A New Beginning / Greg Laurie
The Truth Network Radio
October 18, 2024 3:00 am

Hope for Lonely Hearts | The Problem with a Christian-Nonbeliever Relationship

A New Beginning / Greg Laurie

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October 18, 2024 3:00 am

In a rather popular movie, the lovelorn ingenue confesses, “I love him for the man he wants to be and for the man he almost is.” How many fiancees have high hopes for changing their man that “almost is.” Albert Einstein, of all people, said “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.” Today on A NEW BEGINNING, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us discover the joy of marriage the way God intended.

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A New Beginning is the daily half-hour program hosted by Greg Laurie, pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in Southern California. For over 30 years, Pastor Greg and Harvest Ministries have endeavored to know God and make Him known through media and large-scale evangelism. This podcast is supported by the generosity of our Harvest Partners.

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A New Beginning presents a great book from Pastor Greg Laurie called Hope for America. Yes, we're in a political season right now. We need to vote. We should be informed on the issues as Americans and as Christians, but we should also recognize the ultimate hope for our nation is turning back to God. So I talk about this and a lot more in a book I've written called Hope for America. And I want to send it to you for your gift of any size.

Get your copy at harvest.org. Today on A New Beginning, we'll focus on relationships. Pastor Greg Laurie has a word of warning about missionary dating. You enter into this relationship and you say, I'm going to reach him for the Lord. I'm going to win him to Christ. You know, famous last words, because what happens more often is you don't win them to Christ. They pull you back in the wrong direction. And then you're in a relationship you don't want to be in.

So here's what you need to think about. Are they a Christian? In a rather popular movie, the lovelorn ingenue confesses, I love him for the man he wants to be and for the man he almost is. How many fiancés have high hopes for changing their man that almost is? Albert Einstein, of all people, said women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us discover the joy of marriage the way God intended.

So let's just start with a simple truth. You need to be content where you are irregardless of your marital status. If you're a single you need to be content as a single. And if you're married you need to be content as a married person. And understand this. No person is going to fix those needs deep in you. It is all about God. That is who we need first and foremost.

So let's get first things first. That was the problem with the woman at the well. She must have been a pretty good looking girl. She had a lot of husbands didn't she?

Five. Was living with the guy at present when she met Jesus. And Jesus used the well that they were sitting by as a metaphor for life. He said, if you drink of this well you will thirst again.

Effectively saying, lady let me tell you something. Guys aren't going to meet the deepest need of your life. That is why you keep hooking up with new guys one after the other. But if you drink of the well that I give you will never thirst again. The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4 11, I have found in whatever state I am in I am content. Hebrews 13 five says, Let your way of living be without covetousness and be content with such things as you have.

For He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you. So it is the Lord we need first and foremost. Find your contentment and your relationship with God. Now as you are doing that here is a verse that you might want to keep in mind.

Psalm 37 four. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. That doesn't say delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you a husband or a wife. He will give you the desires of your heart. So first find your fulfillment in Christ Himself and then you want to wait on the Lord. Don't be obsessed with finding a person. Focus your energy on seeking God. And I believe in His timing He will bring that right person to you.

And so we want to be seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to us. Better to be happily single than unhappily married. The fact of the matter is there are advantages to being married clearly and there are advantages to being single. Far too often single people wish they were married and sometimes married people wish they were single again. You know single people will say, I am lonely. I want someone to share my life with.

I am tired of going to do a restaurant and saying table for one. But then some who are married might say, Oh man I miss the good old days when I was single. I could leave my clothes laying all over the house and do whatever I wanted and come and go as I please and spend my money the way I want to spend it without being nagged. Now I am married and I have all these responsibilities.

You know the grass is always greener on the other side. So there are really advantages and disadvantages to both. Paul lays it out pretty clearly in 1 Corinthians 7, 32 to 35 he says, When you are unmarried you are free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Lord. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend in caring for and nurturing each other the unmarried can spend in becoming holy instruments of God.

So I am trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you and not make things harder. So Paul is not critical of a married person wanting to please their spouse because the fact of the matter is you should be that way. But when you are single you don't have that responsibility. You have flexibility. You have mobility. You can do things many married people cannot. And this is especially helpful when it comes to serving the Lord. And so if you are single now then you can utilize the opportunities before you.

But know this. It is very likely you are going to be married one day. So if that is something you really hope for and desire don't despair. You know I know there are some people that don't feel like they ever want to get married. And there are some people that will remain single their life and happily so. And that is absolutely fine.

I mean I might cite that Paul the apostle was not married to our knowledge. And so there is a life that God can give to you in that way that can be very fulfilling. But if you are saying, well that is not me. I really want someone. Then chances are you are going to get married.

Studies show that 9 out of 10 Americans are married at least at some point in their life. And I believe that the Lord is someone picked out for you. Maybe you will meet them tomorrow.

Maybe you will meet them tonight. What should you be looking for in that person that would be a potential mate? Well a survey was done among singles and the most important qualities singles we are looking for were number one beauty 43 percent. Number two brains 50 percent.

And number three disposable cash 6 percent. It is interesting that no mention is made of inner qualities. But the inner qualities are what really start to matter in the long run. Many girls today you know obsess over their appearance. It has been shown that 80 percent of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance. Research has shown the more time a person spends consuming media the more unhappy they are with their body. Maybe that is because you are looking at images of girls who have been airbrushed and photoshopped.

And check this out. Those girls don't even look like that. You know after they have done the editing on it and so forth you are looking at almost a fictitious character.

Like a CG image of sorts. So you know we have these unrealistic expectations. So here is what I am saying to you. Now don't get me wrong because I am emphasizing one thing so let's not miss the other.

Here is what I would say. Why not give at least equal time to your spiritual life as you give to your physical life. Spend as much time in Bible study and prayer as you spend in working out. Better yet spend more time. 1 Timothy 4 says physical exercise has some value but spiritual exercise is much more important for a promise as a reward in this life and the next. Having said that you can go too far in the other direction.

Right? You can say well I don't care about my appearance and I am just going to read my Bible and dress in sackcloth. Never shower. Never wear makeup. And then wonder why guys never look at me.

I know why. Listen. Just be the best you that you can be. There is a place for your outward appearance. There is a place for staying fit and exercise.

There is a place for clothes you wear etc. But don't neglect the spiritual part of your life. Ok now what about that guy or that girl you would be looking for? What qualities should you look for?

And let's broaden this a bit and say can we sort of consider all options. In other words not just people at church but everywhere. In other words nonbelievers. So if that nonbelieving guy asks you out on a date or whatever is that ok to go out with him? Is it ok to enter into a kind of a dating relationship and potentially a romantic one with a nonbeliever? Let me give you a really long answer.

You ready? No. It isn't. I will tell you straight up. 2 Corinthians 6 says, Don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. What fellowship does righteousness have with lawlessness? What communion does light have with darkness? What accord has Christ with the devil? And what part has a believer with an unbeliever?

You know this seems to happen to girls more but it happens to guys too. You enter into this relationship and you say, I am going to reach them for the Lord. I am going to win them to Christ.

You know famous last words. Because what happens more often is you don't win them to Christ. They pull you back in the wrong direction. It is like I could illustrate this very easily but I could put someone up in a chair who is bigger and stronger than I am.

Though it would be hard to find someone like that. And then I could say, you know, try to pull me up in that chair. And though that person maybe is really muscular and huge arms I could pull them off the chair way easier than they could pull me up on the chair even though they could bench press a lot more weight than I ever could because I have gravity on my side.

I just give them a good yank. They are coming down see. So when you enter into a union with a nonbeliever they have got gravity on their side. See they don't have a new nature so they are not drawn in your direction but you do have an old nature and you are easily drawn back in their direction.

Ok. And far too many of these so-called romantic relationships in fact turn into sexual relationships and then you are in a relationship you don't want to be in. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. Emails, phone calls and social media messages from listeners are so encouraging and they let us know the effectiveness of these studies. Pastor Greg thank you for your dedication, your love and the great shepherd you are in sharing the gospel. I am one of the many who accepted Jesus through your A New Beginning radio program. I pray that the Lord will continue to give you strength and will bless you as you continue being a faithful servant. We are so grateful to hear of the changed lives through Harvest Ministries. And if you have a story to tell contact us and share it. Call 1-866-871-1144.

That's 866-871-1144. Well today Pastor Greg is offering some premarital relationship advice straight from the pages of God's Word. Let's continue.

Here is what you need to think about as you enter into a relationship with a guy. First of all are they a Christian? Do they believe in God? Ok. Everybody believes in God. You know I believe in God.

No. Are they a Christian? Are they a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ?

You will know if they are. And having asked that even that is not enough. Because there are compromising Christians out there. Oh they talk the talk but they don't walk the walk. They say Jesus this and God that and all the Bible.

But then they are out there compromising left and right. So you want to find a godly Christian. That almost sounds redundant but there are people that maybe they are technically saved but I don't know if they would be a good person for you to spend a lot of time with.

Here is what you ought to ask yourself. This person I am hanging around. After I have spent some time with them do they build me up or do they tear me down?

Right. After I have been with them for the evening how do I feel afterwards? I feel like that is great. They have built me up in my faith and I am encouraged on my walk with the Lord. Plus we had a lot of fun and they were great to be with. It was like oh man I was already in drag. I just felt like they were almost like making it hard for me to live as a Christian.

And they were actually getting me to compromise and do some things I was really uncomfortable with. So you want to find a godly person. You might say, but Greg this girl I met she is totally hot.

Oh I am sure by that you mean she is on fire for the Lord. Right. Find a hot godly girl. OK.

I did. You can too. But most importantly find a girl. Find a guy that loves the Lord. 2 Timothy 2 22. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you do what is right. Pursue faith and love and peace and enjoy the companionship of those that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Here is a simple way to sum it up. Find someone more godly than you. And I hope you are godly. But find someone that is actually stronger than you that you can look up to.

That you can admire. OK. OK. Now having established that let's just say you have met a potential mate. Someone that I think this could lead to something else. OK. Don't rush it.

Don't rush it. If your love is genuine it will stand the test of time. Let's look at our first text now. 1 Corinthians 13. Here is a definition of love.

So when you say you are in love with someone here is something to keep in mind. 1 Corinthians 13. Starting in verse 4. Paul writes, Number one love is patient. By the way this could be translated it is long tempered.

And this word is common in the New Testament and is used almost exclusively of being patient with people rather than circumstances or events. Here is just a thought. If you meet someone that you are attracted to and you think there is potential don't make them your project saying I am going to change them. Because you are probably not going to change them.

Guess what? They might get worse. So if you can't love them as they are then just stop right there.

Oh I am going to change them. You know that doesn't always work out so well. Love is patient.

You have to be patient with people. And if your love is real it will stand the test of time. The Song of Solomon chapter 8 verse 7 says, Many waters cannot quench love neither can floods drown it. Better to sort this out now than to rush into marriage and find out the hard way. Even if you break up it is better than to divorce. Even if you break the engagement. I mean even if you walk out of your wedding. Though I don't recommend that. But actually I think that is a better thing to do than to get married and get divorced.

So be patient. A good example of this in the Bible is the story of Jacob and Rachel. It was love at first sight when Jacob laid his eyes on the beautiful Rachel. So much so that he walked right up and kissed her.

Talk about being forward. Then he wept loudly. She probably thought, Who is this psycho? Jacob went straight away to Rachel's father Laban and said, I want to marry your daughter. So Laban was a bit of a conniver. Saw a good business opportunity here. And he said, Well I will tell you what Jacob.

If you work for me for seven years she is yours. God Jacob could have said, Forget that. There are other fish in the sea.

I am out of here. But the Bible says in Genesis 29 20, Jacob spent the seven years, the next seven years working to pay for Rachel because his love for her was so strong it seemed as but a few days. Isn't that great? That is patient love.

Oh we can't wait. Maybe it is not love. Maybe it is lust. If it is really love it will stand the test of time. Love is patient. Love is kind.

You know just as patience will take anything from others kindness will give anything to others. It is funny because when you are first going out with a girl or a guy you want to make the best impression right. So you know you are taking that girl out and you drive her to the restaurant and you get out and you open the car door for her and you walk up and you open the door of the restaurant for her and you go and you pull the chair out at the table for her and you compliment her and tell her how beautiful she looks and you have a little gift for her.

I got this for you. She thinks, What a wonderful guy. Then you get married. Now you still pull the car door open for her. You just close it before she is all the way out. You still pull the chair out in the restaurant. You just don't put it back in and when she falls on the ground you point at her and laugh. You still bring her your little gifts like your dirty laundry. Here dear I need this wash now.

Yeah well things have changed haven't they. But love is kind. Now here is the problem with the word love. We have one word in the English language for love and it is love. And we use it from everything to I love my job to I love my house to I love my car to I love my dog to I love tacos to I love my girlfriend or my boyfriend. Now I hope you don't love your girlfriend like you love your dog. Guys at Quick Dating Tip girls don't like it when you pat them on the head and throw their purse and tell them to fetch.

They just don't like it. So in the Greek language they had multiple words for love. It wasn't just one word. They had eros which mainly was physical attraction. They had phileo that spoke of brother love, the love between friends, family. They had agape which is the word that is most commonly translated as love in the New Testament. In fact everything we just read there in 1 Corinthians 13 was a definition of agape. John 3.16, For God so loved the world, that's agape. When the Bible says God is love again it is the word agape. Greater love is no man than this and He laid on His life for His friends.

Again it is the word agape. Now every one of these loves has its place in a relationship. Eros is not always bad. I think we think eros is evil. Erotic. You know.

Well wait a second. Eros is a Greek word that speaks of physical and sexual attraction. Eros is just fine in the right place. If eros is in marriage where it can be righteously fulfilled it is a good thing to be sexually attracted to your wife etc.

But outside of marriage it becomes problematic and even sinful. But actually it is really eros that attracts you to a person where you notice them. You know. Oh wow. Look at that guy.

Look at that girl. So it is not an evil thing in and of itself. Phileo is more the friendship.

Now let me sort of contrast them. Eros wants something from someone. Phileo will give you something but expects something in return.

Agape will give you something wanting nothing back. If we compared it to gift giving. Eros means I just want the gift from you now. Phileo would say I will give you a gift but what are you giving me in return?

But Agape would say here is a gift you can never pay for ever but I am giving it to you because I love you. Tragically many relationships are built on eros today. And when she is no longer hot you dump her. And when he no longer has disposable cash you dump him.

Right? And so you go from relationship to relationship saying that you are falling in and out of love when you in fact have never really experienced genuine lasting love that will last a lifetime. You want to build a marriage on this Agape love though there is a place for the phileo friendship love and a place for the eros love. A well-rounded biblical overview of love from Pastor Greg Laurie today. We're offering hope in our current series.

Today hope for our relationships here on A New Beginning in a message called Hope for Lonely Hearts. It's clear God has a plan for our relationships and real contentment lies in the center of that plan. And the Lord has a plan for the other parts of our lives as well especially our eternal life.

Where do you plan to spend eternity? Pastor Greg let's talk about God's plan for that. How do we address the sin problem? We're all sinners so that we can spend eternity in the presence of the Lord.

God has that figured out doesn't he? That's right the Bible says whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved so think of it this way maybe you're out in a riptide in the ocean and you can't get your footing and you're in trouble and you see a lifeguard call out for help and the lifeguard will rescue you. The same is true spiritually you're drowning in your sin you need help Jesus will save you he will rescue you but you must call out to him and you know how you do that you do it in prayer. So let me just lead you in a simple prayer and you can pray this prayer after me you can pray it out loud if you like and this is where you are calling out to Jesus to save you.

Just pray this Lord Jesus I know I'm a sinner and I know you are the savior who died on the cross for my sin and rose again from the dead now Lord I turn from my sin and I put my faith in you be my savior my Lord be my God and my friend I choose to follow you from this moment forward in Jesus name I pray amen. Hey if you just prayed that prayer I want you to know that Christ himself has come to live inside of you and I have a resource I want to send you it's called the new believers Bible. So the new believers Bible is the new testament in the new living translation translation with hundreds of notes that I wrote that will encourage you in this commitment you are making to follow Christ there's some other materials included as well in what we call the new believers growth pack but let me get this new believers Bible into your hands as quickly as possible.

Here's Dave to tell you more. Yeah we'll be glad to send it all your way free of any charge if you prayed along with Pastor Greg today just ask for the new believers Bible when you call 1-800-821-3300 you can reach us anytime 24 7 at 1-800-821-3300 or go online to harvest.org and click know God. You know Pastor Greg we hear from people all the time who tell us how these daily studies have impacted their lives so many have found the Lord and been encouraged through this teaching that's right and we hope our listeners might pray about making an investment so these studies can continue. Yeah it's really true Dave you know and even a little bit helps you know people need to hear the gospel so badly they need to hear the teaching of the word of God it changes everything because it changes us and I'm so passionate about it and I'm called to do it and I'm thankful for it but I can't do it alone so I'm going to ask folks that are listening if you think more people need to hear the gospel if you believe more people need to hear the teaching of the word of God then preferably consider investing in Harvest Ministries and maybe even become a Harvest partner which means you're someone who stands with us every month in your faithful giving and that opens up a lot of new opportunities for us so thanks for that. Yeah that's right and we really are thankful for your partnership you can reach us anytime day or night at 1-800-821-3300 that's 1-800-821-3300 or write a new beginning box 4000 Riverside California 92514 or just go online to harvest.org. Hey everybody I want to encourage you to join us for something we call Harvest at Home it happens every Sunday at harvest.org and on our brand new app Harvest Plus which is available on your mobile tv devices download it now and you can watch Harvest at Home with Christians from around the world as we worship together and study God's word so again join us for Harvest at Home at harvest.org or on Harvest Plus. Well next time more hope and insight for our relationships join us here on a new beginning with pastor and bible teacher Greg Laurie.
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-10-18 05:52:08 / 2024-10-18 06:02:15 / 10

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