How to Get a New Husband | Bringing Harmony to the Home

Hey everybody, you're listening to A New Beginning, which is a podcast made possible by Harvest Partners.

If this program has impacted you, I'd love to hear from you. So just send an email to me at greg.harvest.org. Again, it's greg.harvest.org.

You can learn more about becoming a Harvest Partner by going to harvest.org. Coming up today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie brings important counsel for our marriages. He offers some straight talk for wives on bringing more harmony to the home. Proverbs 19 13 says, a nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping. He comes home and maybe there are things that need to be done and maybe there are things you need to tell him.

Guys listen to what she says, but ladies once you've said it you don't need to necessarily keep saying it over and over again. The family is the very fabric of society, but society itself seems to be gnawing away at that fabric and we see it unraveling. Well currently here on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie is presenting an important series for the Christian family called Am I Doing This Right? He's spoken directly to husbands and today he turns to wives with a message called How to Get a New Husband. If you want to safeguard your most precious relationships and even see healing in the home, be sure to listen closely today. Now I want to direct some words toward the women. Yes, the title of the message is How to Get a New Husband, but it's not so much about how to change him.

It's maybe a little more about how to change you and that in effect will change him. What quality should a woman have in her life to be the best wife she possibly can be? Here are some answers in First Peter chapter three where Peter writes, verse one, wives be submissive to your own husbands. Even those who refuse to accept the good news, your godly lives will speak to them better than any words.

I'd underline that phrase better than any words. They'll be won over by watching your pure godly behavior. So don't be concerned with outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. All right, so what did we learn here about how to get a new husband?

Ladies, are you listening? Point number one, be the best version of you that you can be. Be the best version of you that you can be. Be a godly woman. So much focus on your appearance.

Outward appearance matters. As I said, be the best version of you that you can be. But don't make that your primary focus. Don't be preoccupied with it. Jesus talked about people. All they think about is what they're going to eat, what they're going to wear, what they're going to drink.

I would add how they appear. Don't make that your primary focus. There is a balance in these things. First Timothy 4-8 says, physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. It doesn't say physical training has no value.

It says it has some value. Now granted, not every woman is a beauty queen. Not every man is a male model. But we all can just be the best person God wants us to be and not just develop our outward appearance but our minds and our hearts.

So you want to find that balance in your life. Point number two, how to get a new husband, respect your man. You want to win a man, respect him. Ephesians 5-33 says, let every one of you in particular love his wife as he loves himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ladies, do you respect your husband?

That's my question. And when have you told him that recently? You know, it's interesting the Bible says, husbands need to love their wives and wives need to respect their husbands. That's not to say that's not to say wives don't need respect. Nor is it to say husbands don't need to be loved. But it is to say the Bible specifically says a man should love his wife and we've talked about that and a wife should respect her husband.

It matters. So number one, let your beauty be primarily inward but don't forget the outward. Number two, respect and honor your husband. Number three, ladies, focus on actions over words to influence your husband.

Hear me on this. Focus on actions over words to influence your husband. 1 Peter 3-1, wives be submissive to your own husbands even if some do not obey the word that they without a word will be won by the conduct of their wife. Okay, so this is dealing with a woman who finds herself married to a non-believer.

And I don't know if you're that lady. I'm talking to how you ended up in this state. Maybe you were both non-Christians when you got married and you came to Christ and he didn't. Maybe you said I don't care what the Bible says and I'm going to marry this guy. He's not a Christian and you married him. But you want him to come to Christ. Okay, so what do you do?

How do you reach him? Here's what Peter is saying. You do it more by the way that you live than by what you say. Less criticism, more encouragement. Less preaching, more praise. Less talk, more walk. Less sermons, more sandwiches. I know it's a bit of a cliche but it has been said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Don't dismiss that completely.

There's something very exciting when you make a great meal for a guy. But here's what I'm really saying. You think you need to preach a sermon to him every night and the very thing you think will reach him may actually drive him further away. There's a place to preach a sermon. There's a place to say what you believe.

But then there's a place to live it and reinforce it every single day. Peter's saying the key to reaching in a man is not through words but deeds. He's paying attention. He's watching you.

You say I'm a Christian now and he's observing to see if that Christianity is really going to have any impact on your life and your actions speak louder than words. Without a word. Now listen, let's be honest. In general, there's exceptions but in general, would you not agree with me in saying women are more verbal than men, right? Studies have been done.

I don't know how accurate this is. Someone had to count it I suppose. But a study said a woman speaks an average of 20,000 words a day, okay? And a man speaks an average of 7,000 words a day. So women speak more than men. Women by nature are more persuasive, able to convince and that's good if it's used for God's glory.

It's not good if it isn't. Think of the influence of Esther with the king when she pleaded on behalf of the Jewish people and she saved a nation. That's the power of feminine persuasion.

Take the story of Eve who helped to leave Adam in the wrong direction. That's an example of bad persuasion. So ladies say what you have to say. Guys listen to what your wife has to say. Proverbs 31 30 says when she speaks her words are kindness and she gives instructions with kindness so say it.

Guys listen to what she says but ladies once you've said it you don't need to necessarily keep saying it over and over again. It's called nagging and the Bible is against it. Proverbs 19 13 says a nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping. Have you ever had a little faucet dripping in the night and it wakes you up?

That's what it is. Nagging, scolding, complaining can drive him away. Proverbs 21 19 better to dwell in a housetop than with a brawling, quarreling, disagreeing, scolding woman. The Bible says the wife who henpecks her husband is likely to find him listening to some other chick.

The Bible does not say that but it's pretty good. Did you hear it? The wife who henpecks her husband is likely to find him listening to some other chick. Don't be that woman because he comes home and maybe there are things that need to be done and maybe there are things he's not doing right and maybe there are things you need to tell him but measure it and how about a compliment? How about and I love you?

How about something to eat? But if you're hitting him with all this stuff he's gonna say I can't I don't want to be here. I'm going to the other room now.

I'm going somewhere else and so think about what you say before you say it. I know you gotta tell him stuff but speak the truth in love. Tell him he actually heard you. I know it doesn't seem like he heard you but he actually did.

Maybe he heard you differently than you intended because sometimes what a girl says and what a guy hears are two different things. A wife says to her husband can I have the remote and what he hears her say is let's watch something that will bore you beyond comprehension. The wife says let's stop and ask for directions. I think we're lost. He hears her saying you are not a man.

She says I'd like to redecorate. He hears let's take a bunch of money and just flush it down the toilet. It's a little communication breakdown. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. It's such a blessing to hear from listeners who take time to express their appreciation. Pastor Greg you're the best. I listen to you every day. Thank you so much for sharing the love of the gospel and helping me have a closer walk with Jesus.

How have these daily studies ministered to you and your family? Would you let us know? Tell us your story by emailing Pastor Greg. Send it to greg at harvest dot org.

Do it today while you're thinking about it. Again greg at harvest dot o-r-g. Well we're talking about marriage today and Pastor Greg is offering some important counsel to wives in a message called how to get a new husband. I think it's funny when Kathy and I go to a restaurant and we go to a certain restaurant we like and she always orders the same thing and we sit down she goes can I have a menu? I said why? You know the menu. I know what you're going to order.

She goes no you don't. I gotta do it. You're going to order this.

Just mark it in time right here. You're going to order this. She's on the menu asking questions and she orders what she always orders right. And then she'll say I'll have a salad and I'll say no Kathy get something to eat. No no a salad's good. But what she's really saying is I'll have a salad then I'm going to eat your food. No I'll get you your own food. I will buy you your own meal whatever you want. Oh no no I don't want that. I just want a little of yours.

No no no. Have you ever seen a dog with food in the dish? Don't pet that.

Stay away from the dog. He'll growl at you. That's a man with a meal. Let the man have his meal. And then I'm eating whatever a burger and I'm enjoying it and I've got the one last bite. And she'll go can I have that. You're like sure dear here you go. But inside you're like no.

I'm kind of venting a lot of my own frustrations aren't I. But girls think before you speak. Think. I've told you this acronym before. T-H-I-N-K. T stands for is it true. H is it helpful. I is it inspiring.

N is it necessary. K is it kind. Think before you say it.

Some people say if I lived by that principle I wouldn't have much to say. Hallelujah. Okay here's the last one. Submit to the leadership of your husband. This is one people choke on right.

First Peter 3 1. Wives be submissive to your own husbands and even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be one with the conduct of their wives. They'll observe your chaste and respectful conduct accompanied by fear. Be submissive to your husbands. Some women bristle at this because they don't understand it. This is not a statement that's saying a woman is inferior to a man. A woman is not less than a man. A woman is not greater than a man. A man is not over or above a woman.

He is not below or less than a woman. We're separate. We're different.

We're created differently. And the idea is we serve each other. That's why I was saying earlier most marriages fall apart because of selfishness instead of instead of people living selflessly. Remember we already read in Ephesians 5 submitting yourselves one to another in the reverence of God. So before a word is said about a husband loving his wife as Christ loves the church. Or a word is said about a wife being submissive to her husband. Paul says you need to submit to each other.

You need to put the needs of your mate above your own. Listen as far as God seen men and women we stand in equal ground before the cross. Galatians 3 28 says there's neither Jew nor Greek. Slave nor free.

Male nor female. We're all one in Christ. There's no difference in our standing before God.

But there's differences in how we're designed and how we're created. The husband has the God-given responsibility to provide for protect and lead just as the Lord does the church. The wife is to submit graciously to the servant leadership the husband provides. So just as the church submits to the headship of Christ so the wife submits to the leadership of her husband. Now what about if the husband is not loving as he ought to.

Well let's go back to verse Peter 3. This is about a non-believing husband. So do you say well I'm getting out of the marriage because my husband's not a Christian. You know I the Lord spoke to me the other day and said oh my child divorce your dog husband and marry that cute Christian guy you met at church. I'm sorry God didn't say that. Here's what God said you wives win your non-believing husband without a word by the way that you live.

See your objective is to win him to Christ and I know women who have been in marriages with non-believers and they hung in there and it wasn't easy and they hung in there in some cases for a decade maybe even two decades and one day that crazy old husband of theirs came around and now their marriage is blessed and strong and they're so thankful they live by what the scripture teaches. Okay so. So are there limits to submission?

The answer is clearly yes. Yes you should submit but you should also give your opinions to your husband any big decisions you're making in life. You certainly are an equal partner with every right to say whatever you think and you express that to him but at the same time if your husband were to ever ask you to do something that was not biblical then you can effectively override that.

Let me give an example. Let's say the husband says okay on Sundays I don't want you or the kids to go to church. I want you to stay home with me and never go to church again. That is my ruling as a husband. Should you obey that? Some of you won't like what I'm about to say.

No. No you should not obey that. Say say honey love you. I'll see you after church.

We're gonna have a great meal together but the kids and I we're going to church and we're gonna grow spiritually right because that's important. Let's say the husband asks you to do something immoral or illegal. Do you have to submit to that? No you do not. You have a higher authority you submit to. Let's say the husband is abusive and he's harming you physically. Should you sit there and allow that? Absolutely not.

Okay so I'll get into that later when we get into how to divorce proof your marriage. But listen it's just like if the government we submit to the government and we don't like a lot of the things the government does do we? But I still pay my taxes and I still to the best of my ability live by the laws that we have in our land. But if the government said okay you can no longer pray publicly. Should I obey that law? No. The government said you can no longer preach the gospel anymore.

It's hate speech. Stop. Should I stop preaching the gospel?

No. As the apostles said when they were told by the Roman authorities to not preach anymore we must obey God and not man. So that's a higher thought. Such great counsel today. Biblical counsel from Pastor Greg Laurie's message How to Get a New Husband. Currently here on A New Beginning we're enjoying Pastor Greg's family series called Am I Doing This Right? Well Pastor Greg we have a special guest in the studio today would you like to make an introduction?

I would love to and this special guest happens to be a good friend of mine and his name is Randy Alcorn. Randy is a very unusual person in this regard. He is both a scholar and he is a fiction writer.

It's sort of like if CS Lewis met Charles Spurgeon and they collaborated together. What I love about Randy's gifting is he takes the complex and he makes it understandable and that's not more clearly done than in his book On the Topic of Heaven. But we have a very special book that we're going to offer you. It's On the Topic of Heaven but the title of it is Heaven for Kids.

This is for the little ones to break down what heaven is for them. So Randy welcome to our program A New Beginning. Thanks for coming on. How's everything going right now for you? Thank you Greg. It's just always a pleasure to be with you and talk together and this is in terms of how things are going. It's about nine months since my beloved wife Nancy went home to be with Jesus and as you well know in your own personal life and experience with your son Christopher the loss of someone that you love is tough. I miss Nancy's presence. I miss her laughter. She just brought a joy into the home. She would laugh quickly and easily and heartily but what I saw in the last four years of her life was a beautiful work of Jesus even as she was dying of cancer and I'll tell you she really mentored me and the way she lived and the way she prepared to meet the Lord. So I have all those great memories and so I think I'm doing well in the grieving process.

Well Randy God bless you. I remember having meals with you and Nancy and I saw the great and deep love you had for each other. You were enjoying life together, serving the Lord together and you've written about heaven so extensively. Let me ask you this, do you see heaven differently? Yeah I think I don't see it differently in terms of what I actually believe but there's an immediacy probably much like you felt after Christopher died where what you believe now matters so much in a very personal way. My heart has been tremendously encouraged by the promises of God's word so yeah it has made a real difference. Wow you know we've heard the expression oh they're so heavenly minded they're no earthly good and my response is well some people are so earthly minded they're no heavenly good.

Yes. In fact the Bible tells us to think about the afterlife Paul said set your affection on things above. Why should we think deeply about heaven?

Well I think there are a lot of reasons one is kind of a practical one like if you're going to go on a on a trip somewhere you've never been before what do you do? Well you study it you find out about it you check it out but I think the other thing Greg is that God is who heaven is all about. Jesus is the central character and on in the present heaven that we go to when we die and on the new earth we're going to together experience the direct presence of God we will see his face and I think to prepare for heaven is to prepare to be with Jesus forever. That's right if you've just joined us I'm speaking with author Randy Alcorn who's written many books but we're talking about his book heaven for kids and we're offering this book to you this month as a special gift for your gift of any size to help us continue preaching the gospel teaching the word of God and telling people how to go to heaven.

Here's Dave to tell you more. Yeah it's such an engaging book written in a helpful question and answer format all the questions are right up front in the table of contents so you can find the topic you want right away and we'll be happy to send this important resource to thank you for your investment and keeping these insights coming your way each day here on a new beginning. So let us send you heaven for kids by Randy Alcorn we'll only be mentioning this resource a short time longer so get in touch right away you can call us at 1-800-821-3300 that's a 24 7 phone number 1-800-821-3300 or go online to harvest.org. Well next time Pastor Greg has more encouragement for Christian wives and his own wife Kathy joins him for the discussion. Join us here on a new beginning with pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie. The preceding podcast was made possible by harvest partners helping people everywhere know God learn how to become a harvest partner sign up for daily devotions and find resources to help you grow in your faith at harvest.org.