How To Have A Blessed and Successful Marriage

Harvest Podcasts featuring Pastor Greg Laurie are brought to you by Harvest Partners. To receive Pastor Greg's free online daily devotions or to become a Harvest Partner, please visit us online at harvest.org. Tonight, we're going to talk about marriage.

So, let's begin by asking the question: how many of you people are married? Raise up your hand.

Okay, that's a great many of you. How many of you are happily married? Raise up your hand.

Very good. How many of you are unhappily married? You better not, okay, that the. All in the back, interestingly, that probably says something about you. Unhappily married sit in the back.

Kind of an interesting thing. The happy people, the happily married, they were all toward the front. Did you notice that?

Okay, how many single people do we have out there? You're saying, oh, well, that's good. I'm glad to see you here because what I'm going to talk about tonight relates to you as well. Our text is Ephesians chapter 5. And the title of the message is How to Have a Blessed and successful Marriage.

Ephesians 5. Let's begin with a word of prayer. Father, Marriage is a gift from you. And when the right man and the right woman come together, led by your Spirit. and they obey what the Bible teaches.

It can be glorious. But when they disregard what your word teaches, it can be disastrous. Lord, we've seen so many struggling marriages, so many failing marriages, way too many divorces. But we've seen some good ones too. And we pray we'll see more.

I pray that we will have the kind of marriage you want us to have for those of us that are married and for those of us that are single, that we will find that right man, that right woman, and even more to the point, that we will be that right man or right woman. and that we will honor your word.

So we commit this time of Bible study to you now. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. I heard about A husband and wife that were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.

So the husband announced to his wife, Dear, for our 25 years of marital bliss together, I'm taking you to China. Oh, she was amazed. China, I've never been to China. I'm so excited you're taking me to China. If you're going to do something as extravagant as that for my 25th wedding anniversary, what are you going to do for our 50th?

That's when I'll pick you up, he said. Not so good. By the way, I've never told that joke before, okay? That's not a recycled joke. But this one is.

I heard about a couple that were celebrating 50 years of marriage together, and that's such an unusual occurrence that at their party, a newspaper reporter was sent to interview them to try to find out the secret to the longevity of their marriage. You know how this one goes? And so the reporter sat down with the husband and said, Sir, tell us how it is you've been married for 50 years to the same woman. The man said, Well, let me tell you, my wife, she's from Texas. And she's a plain-spoken woman, but probably goes back to our honeymoon.

And the reporter said, Well, what happened? He says, Well, my wife and I decided to honeymoon in the Grand Canyon. And we were riding those pack mules together and going along a very narrow little path. And I noticed that my wife's pack mule stumbled a little bit, and she leaned forward and said to that mule, That's once. And he thought that was kind of weird.

He didn't know her that well. This was, what does that mean? That's once. And they went a little bit further, and the mule stumbled again, and she leaned forward and said into the mule's ear, that's twice. Says, then we went a few feet further.

Again, the mule stumbled. She pulled a. 357 Pistol out of her purse and shot the mule in the head, killed him dead right there on the spot. I said, that's outrageous. You shouldn't do that to an animal.

That's horrible. I can't believe it. He said, she looked at me and said, that's once.

So They were married ever since then.

So, we're going to talk about. How to have a marriage God's way. You really don't want to have it the world's way. The world doesn't know anything about it. The world largely, and when I say the world, I mean our culture today is largely hostile toward the family and everything that it stands for.

I have never known a time when the family is under attack like it is today, from those who want to redefine what it is to those that just simply want to undermine it.

So we don't want to look to our secular culture for advice on how to have a successful marriage. We want to look to the Word of God. I mean, we look at all these Hollywood celebrities that hook up and are married for like eight minutes and then they get divorced. And let's find some credible source here. And of course, we have that in the pages of the scripture.

The Bible speaks directly to. Men and women, and tells us how to have a successful marriage.

Now, I know a little bit about marriage and a little bit about divorce. I've never been divorced, thank God for that. My wife has never considered divorce. Murder, yes, never divorce. But My mom was married and divorced seven times.

And she went through a lot of what you might describe as relationships, though I don't really think they were. And so I saw how not to do it for many years of my childhood. And then, when I was at the point of getting married, I knew that I was going to make a lifelong commitment that I planned by the grace of God to honor and keep. And I met those vows when I said them. You know, sometimes people come up to me and ask me to redo their vows, and I don't have a problem with that, but I've never felt a great desire to redo my vows.

I haven't broken them yet. Don't plan on breaking them. I think once is good enough, and I meant that when I said that to my wife, and I know she meant it when she said it to me as well. What we want to do is find out how God tells us to do it. You know, there are people that talk about infatuation or love at first sight.

And it's been said, love at first sight is nothing special. It's when two people have been looking at each other for years and it becomes a miracle.

Well, I've been looking at the same woman now for 35 years, and she looks better all the time. You know, our love has only grown stronger. Our love has only grown stronger. The Bible says many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. I remember the day we got married as though it were yesterday.

My wife was a vision of beauty walking down the aisle and I look like something the cat drug in. I had this gnarly long hair and this big bushy red beard, and I had the ugliest tuxedo ever made. I didn't want to get the traditional one, so I got one that I thought was ultra-cool. And now, as I look at those old photos, I just think, what was I thinking? Oh no.

But my wife could see that underneath all of that hair was A bald man. We've just been thankful to how faithful the Lord has been to both of us. We sought to build our marriage on some of the principles I'm going to share with you tonight. This is not an exhaustive message on the topic. There is much, much more that can be said.

There will be principles I'll touch on, and you'll be thinking, I need to know more about that. And I'm sorry, I can't cover it all in one fell swoop, but we will touch on a number of important areas. Things that Ephesians 5 specifically teaches about marriage. Before I dig in, I'd like to read you a letter that came in to me this week because I announced I was speaking on marriage, and so a couple named Jim and Liz wrote me this letter. Let me take you back to April of 1989.

This is Jim writing. Liz and I had been married for almost five years, but since neither of us knew the Lord at that time, our marriage relationship was not founded on the Word of God. Our relationship was contentious, verbally abusive, and at times even physically abusive as well. We were certainly headed for divorce court when the Lord brought a co-worker into our lives. He invited us to come to Harvest one Sunday morning in April of 1989.

We were reluctant to come, and I even remember the thought of wanting to turn around and go home several times as we drove to church. As we sat in the pews off to the right side center, I still remember where we sat and waited for the morning's message. I felt like I shouldn't be there. But that was to change very soon. Pastor Greg began his teachings.

He had the congregation turn in their Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, where he began to teach about the marriage covenant and the roles of the husband and wife. At that moment, Liz and I both felt we were the only people in the sanctuary, and Pastor Greg was speaking directly to us. He even looked directly at us several times during the sermon. People always think I'm looking at them, you know. I'm not.

Well, actually, I'm looking at you right now, sir. And I'm going to be looking at you through at the end. And I don't mean literally looking.

Okay, so I'm not. Really, I don't. But um People think I do. That's just because they have a guilty conscience. No, I'm kidding.

But anyway, you gave the invitation to accept Christ. I remember my heart pounding and knew that very moment God was calling to his family. The rest is, as they say, history. Our marriage was healed, it's stronger now than ever before. And I pray as you teach on the subject of marriage and the family, others will have that same experience.

So, you know, the word of God works, okay? That's all I want to tell you. I know it works. I know it's true. I've seen it work.

But sometimes people don't like what it says.

Sometimes people don't like what the Bible teaches about the role of the husband and wife, but this is the word of God. And one thing that I often do with couples when they come to me for counseling, by the way, if a couple ends up with me for counseling, that probably means they've tried everything else. It's one of those Well, we'll talk to Pastor Greg only. And they're hanging by a thread, so usually by the time I get to them, it's pretty far down the track. But one of the first things I will ask couples when they come in and sit down for marital counseling is, I will ask them if they're both Christians.

They'll usually say yes. Then I'll ask them, do they both believe the Bible is the Word of God? They'll usually say yes immediately. Then I ask them, are you willing to do what the Bible says, even if you find it difficult? And then they realize I'm kind of setting a trap for them.

Because I've never found a couple divorcing yet that were doing what the Bible said. Never. And you know what? I don't think I ever will. I think if we do what God says, we will not be headed to divorce court.

But if we don't, then we're going to have trouble.

So we're going to dig into what the scripture has to say as we look here at Ephesians chapter 11. Yeah. For those of you that are single, I would like to just point out that even if you're single today, chances are that you will be married eventually. Studies show that nine out of ten Americans are married at least some point in. their lives.

Next to accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, the most important decision you're going to make is who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. It's something you want to enter into very carefully and very prayerfully. You don't want to rush this. Because I'll tell you, when life comes to an end, there's only a handful of things that are really going to matter. It's going to really come down to Faith, family, and to a lesser extent, your friends.

The thing you're going to think about is your faith, your relationship or lack thereof with God. And often, when I speak with people who are at death's door, their thoughts and their concerns are about God and their relationship with Him, and that's entirely appropriate. And then it goes to family, and often a recognition that there may have been failures there or shortcomings. Or you want your family around you. I tell you, all those other things that were important to you prior to that don't mean anything at that point.

So these are things that we want to get right. We want to see what God's word has to say. Because, as I already touched on for a moment, divorce is so commonplace.

Now, it's one thing when people break apart out there in our world. But when we start seeing it happen in the church, that really Causes me great distress. When you see it happening among people that profess to be followers of Jesus, who simply disregard what the word of God says, most divorces that I see could be averted. They could be avoided. But they just don't want to stick with it.

And I'll tell you, most divorces that I've seen are not biblical. And by the way, there are biblical grounds for divorce. But for most of the divorces I see, those are not the grounds that are being. Um Drawn from, it's rather other reasons they don't get along anymore, or they're unhappy in the relationship, or other things that they'll cite. Wedlock should be a padlock, okay?

So for you singles out there, let me just say this to you. Take your time. Don't rush it. And if you don't plan on spending the rest of your life with that person, please don't get married. Just stay single.

But if you're willing to do it God's way, you're in for a great adventure and great blessings beyond your wildest dreams. All right, let's dig in. Ephesians chapter 5. We're going to read verses 1 to 12.

Now, before we actually get to the topic of marriage, Paul lays some very important groundwork. Ephesians 5, verse 1: Therefore be imitators of God, his dear children, and walk in love as Christ has loved us and given himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor. But fornication and uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather the giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.

Therefore do not be partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord, and have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.

Paul gets down to the nitty-gritty in this section of Ephesians. He deals with issues and temptations we face even as Christians. And he starts by telling them that they are to be imitators of God, verse 1. And I love this phrase. He says, be imitators of God as dear children.

Listen, you're not just a child of God. You're a dear child of God. Do you know how much God God loves you. Are you aware of the depth? Of his affection.

Mm-hmm. We remember when the Lord was baptized when Jesus was baptized by John. That the Father said, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. You know, God was very pleased with this Son. God Loved and loves his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ.

You say, that's great. That's Jesus, not me. But listen to this. Jesus said in John 17, 22 to 23, I've given them the glory you gave me. He's speaking to the Father in the true Lord's prayer here, so that they may be one as we are, I and them, and you and me, as they are perfected in the one, that the world may know that you sent me and will understand.

Listen to this, that you love them as much as you love me. What? Jesus just said to the Father that God loves me. as much as he loves Jesus Christ. That God loves you as much as He loves a Son of God.

If the Lord Himself had not said it, I would never suggest such a thing. But this is what the Bible teaches: you are a dear child of God. And we need to start living like that. We don't behave as children of God so often. But we are.

We're adopted into his family with full rights and privileges. The Bible says that when we become believers in Jesus, we're accepted in the beloved. And that simply means that now God sees you in Christ. He doesn't see you for what you were. He sees you for what you are and what he'll make you into.

So let that sink in for a moment. You're a dear child.

Now, as I contemplate that, that should affect me in the way that I live in this world. How should it affect me? Number one, it should cause me to want to stay away from immorality. Again, it should cause me to want to stay away from immorality. Verse 3: Fornication and uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you as is fitting.

For saints.

Now, why would Paul bring up such unsavory things like this? We'll understand these believers were living in Ephesus. Ephesus was the capital of the Roman province of Asia. It was a busy commercial port, a wealthy and affluent area. It was also the headquarters of the cult of the goddess Diana.

Immorality was rampant throughout. Ephesus. Thousands of prostitutes working for the temple would comb the streets of the city looking for potential recruits. Men that they would drag off to the temple and Engage in these sexual rites as they offered worship to this false deity.

So these Ephesian believers were godly people living in a godless place.

So Paul's just getting down to brass taxi saying, I'm going to just spell it out for you guys. As followers of Jesus, you can't live this way anymore. No more of this. And man, if you think they had a bad then, imagine what they would think of our culture today. Need I say that we are a sex obsessed culture?

So, Paul tells them what to do and what not to do. Here's an interesting thing: I want you to notice: he says there should not be fornication. And just to break it down, fornication is sex before marriage. There's never any justification for that, never any rationale for that, never any special allowance for that. That is always a sin before God.

Fornication. But Paul doesn't just mention that. He mentions uncleanness and covetousness, and there should not even be a hint. Avet. That's very important.

Not just that you should not do it, but there should not even be a hint of it. You see, we may not technically do the things that wicked people do, but we may. watch them do it with some pleasure. and are voyeuristic and twisted world that we're living in today. we can follow the latest antics of the godless.

Well, they might post it on YouTube. They might even tweet about it, and we can see a picture of what they're up to. We can see it in real time. And I've never seen so much interest in the lifestyles of these people like we see today. But here's what Paul is saying: you're an imitator of God.

Not only should you not do those things, there shouldn't even be a hint of it in your life.

Now he takes you this step further. Number two, godly people should not only avoid immorality, but they should also avoid obscene talk. Look at verse 4: Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather the giving of thanks. This word filthiness Has to do with general obscenity, talk that is degrading and disgraceful. Paul also mentions coarse jesting.

You know what that is? Course jesting is the double entendre. The sexual innuendo. You know how some people can turn everything into a weird joke? And you're like, you are so sick.

What is wrong with you? Everything is a hey, ha ha ha. I mean, I don't even want to put words to that, but you understand what I'm saying. This is like everything is all I am. You're sick.

You see everything that way, but that's sort of how they see the world, you know. through beer goggles, you know? And through sex obsession, because they feed their mind and their heart with that sort of thing.

So it comes out in the way that they live and the way that they speak. No, it should not be that way among. Christians. It certainly should not be this way among pastors. But yet, a popular trend in some churches today is for pastors to cuss from the pulpit.

Hey, how cool is that? Our pastor cusses. Why, he just said this word and that word the other day, and everybody left. That's not cool at all. That's irreverent.

And it's wrong. We used to be that way. We're not that way anymore. If that's what I have to do to be relevant, then I'll be irrelevant, okay? I don't think I have to cross that line.

And speak that way. And you know.

Some will say, well, it's authentic. Yeah, it's authentically wrong. That's what it is. You can be authentic without crossing the line. And then there's this trend in some churches today where they have such an emphasis on sex to attract crowds.

So pastors will get up and say, We're having this sex challenge, and we want you to have, now, in fairness, they'll say, have sex every night with your wife for 30 days. Wow, okay. And you know, and I'm going to teach on this, and then they'll teach to the book of the Song of Solomon, which is fine. It's a book in the Bible. It's inspired by God.

But they teach it as though it were some kind of a sex manual. Instead of teaching it in the way it's presented in scripture with respect, with delicacy, with honor. No. It's sort of playing to the curient interests of a twisted culture. And this is all done in the name of re-envisioning church and reimagining church.

Friends, we don't need to re-envision or re-imagine church. We need to rediscover it the way God gave it to us in the Bible. The church is fine just as it is. Man, I just see this bar getting lowered. More and more, and when I think I've seen and heard it all, I hear something else.

This should not be among God's people. The church needs to be the church. I don't apologize for the fact that we come here to worship God. We come here to hear the word of God. I'm not a stand-up comic, though I try to be at times.

I'm not an MC. I'm not an entertainer. I'm not a motivational speaker. I'm not a cultural architect. I'm not a pop psychologist.

I am a preacher of the Word of God, and I'm happy to be one. And that's what I'm here to do. And you are a child of God. You're a dear child of God. And we have serious rain coming down here.

Look at this. Oh, how about that? Raindrops keep falling on my head. They keep okay, enough of that.

Sometimes I'm a stand-up comic. All right. But not a very good one. Number three, godly people must not covet. Verse five.

Know this that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man who is an idolater has any inheritance in the kingdom of God.

Now, what is coveting? Interesting thing, you can translate the word covet to pant. After.

Sort of like an animal, you know, just the tongue hanging out. They're thirsty. They want something. Maybe it's a prey. Whatever it is, this is the concept that is given.

Coveting is the eagerly desire something that belongs to another, to set the heart on something. Often your neighbor's wife or husband or something that is theirs. And we're clearly told in Scripture to not covet. Number four, godly people are to walk in a new way. Verse 8 to 10: You were once darkness, now you're light in the Lord.

Walk as children of the light, for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.

Now, what does this mean? He uses three words: goodness, righteousness, and truth. This is how we are to walk. How? in goodness.

Better translation of the word would be generosity. Godly people should be generous people, not stingy. Secondly, we should be righteous. And in its context, it speaks of integrity in your dealings with others, integrity in your dealings with others. Christian should be Godly in their business dealings.

You can't just say, well, business is business.

Well, you know, that's sometimes a way of saying, I'll do whatever it takes to get ahead of my particular line of work. No, fine. You have your line of work, but do it with integrity. Do your work well. Do it with precision.

Do it with honesty, that's how we are to live, and in truth, and that means the absence of falsehood and deception. Godly people should be honest people.

Now he takes it a step further. Number five: godly people are supposed to confront sin. Godly people are supposed to confront sin. Verse 11: Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness. They'd rather expose them.

Whoa, this gets tricky now. Because the watchwords of our day are tolerance. Acceptance. Understanding Sometimes, even when I'm dealing with a subject in the course of teaching the Bible, I'll say this particular teaching is wrong, or this idea is incorrect. Oh, you know, that's not loving.

We got it. It is loving. Because I'm looking out for the sheep, you see. Trying to protect God's people from getting into something that can hurt them. How is that not loving?

That would be like someone saying, you know, if you're a little... Toddlers in the backyard, and you see a wolf climb over the fence, and you get a stick to drive it away.

Well, that's not loving. Oh, it is loving for the child. I'm going to kill the wolf. Without any Pang of conscience. I protect the child.

And in the same way, we have to confront sin when we see it. In fact, as you look around at our culture today, if you just speak up for what is true, you're branded as. Intolerant. Puritanical. Bigoted and so forth, but the Bible says.

Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but expose them. The word expose carries the idea of reproof, correction, punishment, or discipline. It's to confront sin.

So if you have a friend that you know that maybe is a follower of Jesus and you see them compromising, you need to confront them.

Now, having said that, let me add: do it. with love and wisdom. You know, there are some people that are just a little too quick to condemn everything. But then there are some people that never deal with anything. A great model is Nathan the prophet.

You know, David had fallen into sin. In fact, he had been living in sin for a full year and had not yet repented of it. He committed adultery with Bathsheba. And so Nathan waited for the right time to go to the king. He told him a little story, an illustration that he used.

David took the bait. And Nathan then boldly said, You are the man. He could have lost his life to say that to a king. But the idea is, he did speak up. We are to go in humility, we are to go in love, and we are to speak the truth to people that need to hear it.

So this is how we are to live. This is what God's word is telling us.

Now, Let's look at verse 13. All things that are exposed are made manifest by the light. Whatever makes manifest as light, therefore he says, Awake you that sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light. See that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is, and don't be drunk with wine.

And which is dissipation. But be filled with the Spirit, speaking to yourself in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of the Lord Jesus. Verse 21, underline that. We're going to come back to it. Submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Now, as we are closing in, Paul's teachings to husbands and wives. Let's consider the words that precede them. First he tells us we are to turn on the lie. Verse 13: All things are made manifest by the light. Whatever makes manifest is light.

When you can't find something, you need to turn on the light. You ever lose something in the dark?

Sometimes in the morning when I'm getting ready, I'll undress in the dark. And then when I get on a light, ooh, this doesn't exactly match now, does it? Light helps. Light exposes things. Light shows things for what they really are.

So shine the light of God's word on your life and the way that you live, and shine it on your. Marriage or your singleness, and wake up from your sleep. Number two, verse 14: awake you that sleep. You can't sleepwalk through life. Wake up, take action.

Wake up to the reality of a culture that is hostile to your faith and hostile to the family. And then walk carefully, number three, verse fifteen, walk circumspectly. This word is a basic Idea of something that is accurate and exact. It conveys the idea of looking, examining, and investigating something with great care, sort of like a contract that you're about to sign. Read the fine print before you affix your signature to it.

It's attention to detail. In the same way, if you want to have a successful marriage, Read the fine print. of what the Word of God says. Don't say your vows until you're ready to live by them. A successful marriage is a result of attention to detail.

Good marriages don't just happen randomly or by accident, they happen because people apply what the Word of God says. says For all practical purposes, to be the husband, the wife, the father, and the mother God wants us to be requires us to acknowledge that we need His help.

So redeem the time, he says, because the days are evil. Verse 16 means to redeem or to make the most of your time. Get these things sorted out. Get your house in order. As The prophet said to King Hezekiah, Get your house in order, for you shall die and not live.

Is your house in order? Is it what God wants it to be? He said, Well, Greg, it's hard to be a husband. It's hard to be a wife. It's hard to be a parent.

I know. God doesn't ask you to do anything, He doesn't give you the power to do. That brings us to point number five: be filled with the Holy Spirit.

Now this applies to all sorts of things, not purely to marriage, obviously. But it certainly applies to marriage as well. If you want to be the husband God wants you to be, you need the power of the Holy Spirit. If you want to be the wife God wants you to be, you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Verse 18: Don't be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit.

You need this power in your life. And of course, you know that from the original language, there are some interesting shades here found that help us to understand this. For instance, the verb in the Greek for be filled is in the imperative mode, meaning that it's not a suggestion, but it's a command. It's a command to fail to do so is to effectively cut off your power supply and render you unable to be the husband, wife, or parent God wants you to be.

So God's commanding you to be filled with the Spirit, not only for marriage, but for everything in life. To live as a Christian, you need to be filled with the Spirit. It's not an option. Number two, The verb in the Greek speaks of a continuous action. It could better be translated, be continuously filled with the Holy Spirit.

Let me add. This may have nothing to do with your emotions. We attach way too much emotional baggage to the filling of the spirit. You'll even see preachers getting ready to pray for someone. You're just going to receive that power.

Get ready, get ready, be fuel. They're shaking their head. And bro, and all that, you know, it doesn't have to be that way. Because that's not what it means to be filled. Another way you could translate the word be filled is be controlled by the Spirit.

Be controlled by the spirit. The idea is of wind filling a sail. The idea is also of salt permeating meat. Those are ways a word would be used in common language. And so, Here's what God is saying.

Let the Holy Spirit fill your sails. Let the Holy Spirit permeate every area of your life. Let the Holy Spirit control you and all that you say and do. And this is a command, and this is something you should do over and over again. All right, now, having said all that.

Let's start digging into the roles of the husband and wife. And let's start with a word that very few people like to hear, a very unpopular word. the word submission. I submission. I don't like to submit.

We don't, do we? But this is a word that is used in the pages of the Bible. Why are we afraid to submit?

Well, I don't want anyone taking advantage of me. I have my rights. You know, I have a say-so here as well. And so we hear The verse quoted, and we'll come to it in a moment: wives submit to your husband. I disagree with that.

Well, hold on now. First of all, let's make sure we understand what it means. And let's read the verse that precedes it. Before. We are told that wives should submit to husbands.

We read verse 21: submitting one to another in the fear of God. Verse 22: Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Not only are wives to submit to husbands, but listen, husbands are to submit to their wives as well. You say, what does that mean?

That's what it says. Verse 21: submitting to one another in the fear of God. But what does that mean? To submit means to get in order under something. It's actually sometimes used in a military sense, and it means to rank beneath.

To rank beneath, for instance, in the military, you have different ranks, there's many of them. But for instance, you have the first lieutenant, and then you have the colonel, and you have the general, and so forth. You have a chain of command in the military, and you have a chain of command in life as well.

So here's what it's saying: a husband's submission to his wife does not mean that he abdicates his responsibility of leadership in the home, but it does mean that he helps her to bear her burdens. Another way you could translate this verse is supporting one another in the fear of God. He gets underneath her. To help carry her cares. He's always ready to meet her needs and sacrifice his own desires.

And she is willing to do the same for him. Here's the idea: you put the needs of your mate above your own.

Well, what about it? Shut up. You do this. Don't think about that. Don't read each other's mail.

Here's your mail. Men, women. Do your part. Because immediately we go, well, they have to, you know, they do, okay? But you Put the needs of your mate above your own.

If you just went into your marriage saying, I want to make this the happiest woman that ever lived or the happiest man that ever lived. And I'm going to make it about them, not about me. Do you know how much that would change your marriage? We don't like that. But listen, we've been told in the beginning that we are to imitate God and we are to walk in love, and far too often we make everything about us.

How can she slash he fulfill me? How can they make? Make me a happier person, what can you do for me? A successful marriage is not so much about finding the right person as much as it is about being the right person. There's no perfect person out there.

It's about you changing. Philippians 2:4 to 6 says, Don't think about your own affairs. Be interested in others too, about what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that Jesus had, though he was God. He did not demand and cling to his rights.

As God. Another scripture that Undergirds the idea of mutual submission is 1 Corinthians 7, 3 to 4, and it talks about sex.

Okay, so I'm going to talk about sex. Are you ready? The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman. Nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to the husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

You see, the husband no more possesses his wife than she possesses him. He is not superior. She is not inferior. She is not superior. He is not inferior.

They belong one to another.

So Paul's saying, look, her body belongs to you. Your body belongs to her.

So don't deprive each other sexually. Unless you've agreed to this kind of a thing. The idea is you belong to each other. You're supporting one another. You're submitting to one another.

You're helping one another. The two have become one. In no way does the Bible teach that man is better than woman, or even that man is above woman. As we stand before God, we stand on equal ground. Galatians 3.28 says, In Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek.

Slave nor free, male nor female. We're all one in Jesus. But listen now, though there is no difference between man and woman in the nature of their salvation or standing with God, there is a principle of authority in the family. And those who struggle with the concept of the husband being the head of the home might be helped by considering Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 11, 3. Listen to this.

I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, And the head of woman is man. No, I don't like that.

Now, hold on. It continues on and says, and the head of Christ is God. What? What does that mean that the head of Christ is God? The Bible speaks of a Trinity: a Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

One is not better than the other. They are all the same in Nature. In essence, And so, what we discover in Scripture is that. The Son submits to the Father. It's not because the Son is less than the Father, but even in the Trinity, there is the idea of the Son submitting to the will of the Father.

We see this played out beautifully in our Lord's life on the earth, where he constantly submitted to the Father and called on the Father and prayed to the Father. Yet, Jesus Christ Himself was God incarnate, and the Holy Spirit is God as well.

So the relationship structure of Jesus Christ to God the Father is the same as the marriage relationship. Though the husband and wife are equal in their standing before God, in order for the family to function in harmony, the woman, with no lots of dignity, takes a place of submission to the leadership of her husband. God's divine design intends that her respect, help and obedience will be matched by his servant leadership as they submit together to the Lord Jesus Christ and to each other.

Now look, any guy with half a brain knows that it's a partnership. And he doesn't try to run the home like he's a dictator. That's not what it means to lead. It's servant leadership, it's to lead as Jesus led. And we'll get into that in just a moment.

So, you girls, don't think I'm picking on you because the guy's moment is coming big time, okay? But we just want to understand these roles here. If a man is having to yell, I'm the head of this home and you do what I tell you to do, something's wrong because if he has true authority, he won't have to resort to screaming and yelling and pounding walls and things of that nature. He'll have her respect. How is it to be done?

How is a woman to submit to her husband? Here's the motive of submission, girls. Verse 22: Wives submit unto your husbands as to the Lord. To the Lord, the manner or attitude of submission is to be to the Lord. Wives submit to their husband as an act of submission to Christ Himself.

Colossians 3:23 says, Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, because you're working for the Lord, not for men. Whatever you do it, do it for the Lord. I remember years ago we were in. Ruth Graham's home, and she was such a wonderful woman of God. And so much fun to be with.

One of the most Fun-loving. People I've ever met, quick to laugh with a twinkle in her eye, and a true Bible scholar, a woman that knew the Word of God so well, but she had a sign over her sink. That said divine service done here three times a day. And I remember when we went over to Ruth's house and she made us lunch after we spoke at the Cove, the Billy Graham Training Center at the Cove. And you know what?

Ruth Graham made the food, and Ruth Graham washed the dishes. And I was just so impressed by that. You know, she was just there doing it herself, doing it as under the Lord, and you can do anything as under the Lord. You know, if you're a gardener, you mow that lawn as under the Lord. If you work it in and out burger, you flip those burgers and you make those.

Burgers Animal style. Oh, I'm getting hungry. Why did I say in and out burger? Anyway. You flip those burgers as unto the Lord.

You make that burger as though Christ Himself was going to eat it. He'd get a double-double for sure, don't you think? Yeah. As if Jesus himself was going to pick that order up. You write that song as unto the Lord.

You do that work as unto the Lord. Whatever work you're in, it's all to be done as under the Lord.

So, wives, as you submit, don't just do it for your husband. Do it as unto the Lord, as though Jesus Himself asked that of you. Number two. The model of submission. The model of submission.

Verse 22 to 23: He Himself being the Savior of the body, as the church is subject to Christ, let the wives be to their husbands in everything. The ultimate model of submission is Jesus Christ. In the fact that he gave his life for us, he laid it down. Jesus Laid aside his privileges and rights. Jesus Took off his outer garment and got down on his hands and knees and washed the feet of the disciples.

He's your model. He's our model.

Now, the question sometimes arises, well are there limits to submission? In other words, does a Christian wife have to do everything a Christian husband says no matter what?

Some guys will say, yeah, no. No The Bible does not teach that. The husbands And why submission should first be to God. But there can be limits to submission. For instance, we're told in scripture to submit to the civil authorities, right?

Because we're told in 1 Peter 2:13 to 14, submit yourself for the Lord's sake to every authority. Whether to the king or the governors who are sent by men to punish those that do wrong and command those to do right.

Now, that means that I should obey the laws of the land. That means that as a Christian, I have to pay taxes. If I think my taxes are too high, vote for somebody else next time around. But for now, you've got to pay those taxes. You have to obey those laws.

That's the way our country works. Authority has been instituted by God, and we have to respect authority. But let's just say that the government passes a law tomorrow, that no one can pray to God anymore.

Well, we have to obey the civil government, right? No. Daniel was presented with this exact quandary. When Allah was signed into Practice that no one could pray to any God, and he prayed as he always had because. It comes a point where the law of God supersedes the law of man.

Uh What if the government passes a law that we can't preach the gospel anymore? Do we shut everything down? No, we have to do this. And the apostles were told to no longer preach by the Roman authorities, but they said in Romans 5, 29, we ought to obey God rather than man.

Okay, so let's apply this to marriage. Let's say the husband is a non-believer. You're the sweet, godly Christian wife. And he's kind of enjoying this thing, you know? Oh, so the Bible says, submit to me.

Well, why don't you submit to me while we go out drinking tonight? And then submit to me why I ask you to do this immoral thing right now. Oh, okay, honey, I get. No, no, no. You don't have to do that, okay?

There's a higher law than your husband at this point. And if your husband would ask you to do something that's against God's law, Then you are not to submit, but unless it is not against God's law, to the best of your ability, submit. Peter tells us that you can win your husband of the Lord without a word by your godly living. You know Sometimes less is more. With men You're never going to nag him into the kingdom of God, okay?

Can I just tell you this? Nagging doesn't work. That's why King Solomon, who had a thousand wives, said. Like this drip of water right here. The drip of a water on a roof.

Are the words of a contentious woman? You want to drive your husband crazy? Nag him all the time. Here's the secret. Tell him what you need him to do.

But then live it and live in such a way that he will see something in you that will cause him to want to change. Live a godly life. And far too often, women feel they have to put the pressure on the husband or try to manipulate the husband. Or, I'm going to hold this away from the husband, then he'll convert faster. I'll do this one.

No, listen, love your husband, be a godly wife, show him what it means to be a follower of Jesus. That's how to do it, according to First Peter. He said, Man, Greg, you've been making it really tough for girls tonight.

Okay, guys, turn. Ready? This is no cakewalk for anyone, all right? Verse twenty-five, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing. And she should be holy and without blemish.

So ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. No one ever yet hated his flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church who are a member of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Here now for men are four words. That can change your marriage.

Are you ready, men? Write these down. Four words that can change your marriage. Curse God and die. Those are from Job's wife.

Very no, those are not the words. I'm just kidding. Just want to see if you're listening. That's bad counsel. Yeah.

Here are the four words that can change your marriage out of three fingers. One more. Here we go. Husbands love your wives. I'm telling you right here, if men would do this.

It would change so many things. If men would man up And do what God calls them to do. What a difference it would make. In our world, in the church. In our culture.

You see, here's the problem with men. Is At their best, they're often passive, and at their worst, They're dragging everyone down. There's far too many situations where the man is against the things of the Lord and he's opposing it and he's a hindrance to the family and it's a tragic thing. But then, when you find a guy who's a Christian, a lot of times the best they can be is passive. Oh, all right, you know, I guess we could go to church today, but I'd rather watch the games that, you know.

Come on, man. Get up and be a man. And lead your wife and lead your children and show them what a man of God looks like. This is the challenge. This is the gauntlet that Paul is throwing down for men today.

Did you know that 90% of the books sold on the topic of marriage and family are purchased by women? Why?

Well, men just intuitively know these things. Not The women are out there buying the books, trying to find out how to be better wives, how to do it God's way. Guys, hey, flipping the channels here, something might come up. I don't know. Hey, how about you?

Being the spiritual leader. 75 to 80% of Christian books in general are bought by women. What's with that?

Well, we don't need to learn more as men. We don't need to grow as men. Husbands, love your wife. You say, well, that's not so hard, is it?

Well, it is because of the word Paul uses for love. He uses agape, as you know, there are different words in the Greek used for love. There's phileo that speaks of brother love, there's storge. That speaks of family love. There's Eros that speaks of physical love.

And then there's agape that speaks. of sacrificial All-consuming radical love. It's the word that is used more often than any other in the gospels describing the love that God shows toward us. For God so agape the world, He gave His only begotten Son.

Now, if you want to read the definitive Uh The definition, the best definition I should say of love, go to 1 Corinthians 13, not now, read it. And everywhere you read the word charity, it's the word agape. If you're reading from King James, love. Husbands, love your wife. Not just A benign attitude, but action.

It means involvement. Not detachment. It means loving the unlovable. Even if your wife does things That are unlovable, you love her as Christ loves the church. I can't love her.

Well then love your enemies. You're not getting out of this, okay? There's just no way out. You need to love your wife as Christ loves the church.

Well, she drives me crazy. Yeah, maybe she does.

Well, it's so hard. You know, I don't find her attractive anymore. I did think she was attractive once, but she isn't anymore.

Well, consider the words of this poem. It's very serious. Follow me. You laughing, what? If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife.

From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you. A pretty woman makes her husband look small and very often causes his downfall. As soon as he marries her, then she starts to do the things that will break his heart. If you make an ugly woman your wife, you'll be happy for the rest of your life.

So, this is good news if your wife's unattractive. This is a joke. Lighten up. Everyone's like, hoy. Is he really saying that?

It's a joke. If you want to be happy for the rest of your.

Okay, remember that's the sign. That's it, that's it. It's that song, that's what I'm calling. No, but here's the thing. I don't care if you find her lovable.

I don't even care if you don't find her attractive anymore. You need to love her as Christ loves the church, and you need to let her know you love her. You need to tell her you love her. I heard about a couple that was struggling until they went into a marriage counselor. After listening to the wife and the husband for a while, the counselor got up from his chair, came around to the front of his desk and asked the wife to stand up, and she stood up and he put his arms around her and gave her a good hug.

And he said to the husband, This is what your wife needs every single day from now on.

So the husband said, What time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow? When's the last time you hugged your wife, guys? without wanting anything else. When's the last time you just told your wife she's beautiful? You think it?

But you don't say it. Oh, she's beautiful. Say it. Brrrr She can read my mind. Actually, she can't.

Tell her. Tell her that was a great meal.

Sometimes my wife will make me a great meal. She never makes a bad meal, honestly. That's why. Yeah. So.

You know, she'll make you grandma, how is it? I say, Kathy, my silence is the highest compliment I can pay. Because I'm so consumed in eating it, I can't stop to even say how good it is. She doesn't totally buy that, but it works sometimes. Try it.

No, but seriously. You need to verbally communicate. To your wife, that you love her, that you appreciate her, and do the things that you need to do. You say, well, the romance is gone in our marriage, then get back and do what you did in the beginning. Don't wait for the surge of emotion, do it.

Here's the problem. All the romance has gone in the marriage, and now you're off doing those things with what?

Some other cute girl you just met, or some other cute guy you just met? Maybe you need to get back with your spouse and do the things you used to do when you first came together. How about going on a date together? How about doing those simple things like pulling out the chair and putting it back in so she can sit in it? No, but seriously, though, don't wait for the feeling of romance.

Do romantic things, just do it. If you will do it. The romance will come back. The feelings will come back. But for now, you're going to have to just tough it out.

And if you don't feel like it, if you don't want to do it, if you don't think she deserves it, none of that matters. Here are your marching orders from God: Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the church. We're all commanded to do that. See girls, I told you I had your back. Did I tell you I was coming back for you?

You thought you were lost for a moment. No, because we're listening to the Bible. The Bible's very balanced. It nails everybody. It's a sacrificial love.

Verse 25: Love her as Christ loved the church. This is the way we are to love. This is the way we are to do it. You need to, husbands, enter her world. Know your wife.

The Bible says, dwell with your wife according to knowledge. That means know your wife. And it actually goes on to say, and if you don't do this, Your prayers will be hindered. Did you know that? Man.

Your prayers can be hindered because you're out of alignment with your wife. You've forgotten she's supposed to be number one, your best friend, okay? My wife is my best friend. I'm not embarrassed to say that. She's my best friend.

She's my closest confidant. She's my most valued counselor. She's a very good cook. You know, but she... That is who she is to me.

And sometimes we forget that, spend time with them. You know, she enters your world, you can enter hers. You know, my wife, we and I, we're very different people. I don't like a lot of the things she likes naturally. Like, for instance, my wife likes to watch cooking shows.

Right before we go to sleep.

Now, this is a problem because I get hungry, you see. She's getting ideas. I'm getting hungry. I wasn't hungry till the show started. My wife, when we go to a restaurant, she likes to order.

Soup is an entree. That's like a joke to me. Supas practice. As is salad, I'm just warming up. What's up?

Where's the real food, huh? But you know. I enter her world, she enters my world. It's a partnership walking this road. Together.

Listen, husbands, let me ask you a question. Let's say you're walking down the street with your wife and kids. And a couple of guys came towards you with a very threatening look in their face, obviously intending to do harm. to your family, what would you do? Oh, you defend them.

You take care of those guys. You do what you had to do. To save the lives of your wife and children, how about this? Let's say that. Your hus your wife and your Baby girl.

were starving. They had no food whatsoever. Would you try to find them some food somewhere? Of course I would. I'm a man.

Okay, how about this? There are husbands today that have surrendered their roles of spiritual leadership. Their wives and children are being attacked by Satan while the men stand by idly and do nothing, and the families are starving spiritually, and the men do nothing to help them.

Okay, you defend your wife physically and you take care of her physical needs and feed her. How about doing it spiritually now? How about being a man of God and a leader in the home and realizing that is what God has called you to do?

Well, she's not submitting. Listen to this. If we would love our wives as Christ loves the church, they would respond as the church responds to Christ. Why do I follow Jesus tonight? Because I'm such a wonderful person, and Jesus is so fortunate to get someone like me?

No. I follow Jesus because he. Won me over. He won me over with his love and with his patience and with his persistence. And finally, I responded to him.

I love him because he first loved me. You want your wife to blossom, you want her to bloom, you want her to be the woman of God that she can be. You love her, you value her, you treasure her, and you watch what happens. Don't worry about her part. You concern yourself with his part.

Girls, you're still supposed to submit, okay? You're not off the hook here. You're still in play, okay? We both have our parts. Listen, if we would just stop.

As I said earlier, reading each other's mail. And quoting the verses that are Give, you know, that we should be quoting the verses given to us rather than worrying about the other verses. And do what God has called us to do, you would be amazed at how your marriage could turn around. In closing. Those are the two best words you've heard me say tonight.

It's time to wrap it up, great. Wrap it up.

Okay, Maker. In closing. Every marriage is going to come under attack. Every marriage is going to have to weather storms. There's no exceptions.

Jesus, concluding his teaching on the Sermon on the Mount, Talked about two men who built homes. One built his home on a rock, one built his home on shifting sand. He says, and the storms came and beat upon both homes. The man that was built upon the sand, his home crumbled. The man that was built upon the rock, it stood the test.

He says, He that hears these sayings of mine and does them, he's like the man who builds his house on the rock. He that hears these sayings of mine and does not do them, he is like the man who built his house on the sand.

So here's my question: Are you built on the rock or are you on the rocks? If you're on the rock right now, you'll stand the test that will come your way. Our marriage. Of thirty-five years going into year thirty-six. has weathered the worst storm ever last year.

With our son going to heaven. It breaks my heart to look at my wife. And she loved him. And they had a very close relationship. And it's very hard for me not only For my own pain, but to see the pain that my wife experiences as well.

But I've seen qualities in my wife. I always knew she was a woman of God. But I've seen qualities that just blow my mind. I mean, she would never say this about herself. But I mean, when you talk about a virtuous woman, I'm telling you, she is a virtuous woman.

She's Proverbs 31, right down the line. And I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. And that's just she's been a tremendous example to me. But oh, I think if we didn't have the Lord. If we didn't have the Lord, how could we deal with this?

If we didn't have hope. of reunion. It is hard still. But our marriage is built on the rock. And you know what?

Our marriage is stronger than it's ever been before. Because God has given us his strength. Every marriage will be tested, but we. And it's not because we're great people or no, no, because we just built it on the rock. And we've sought to live by these principles.

Not perfectly. Oh, I would be the first to admit that. It's always a lot of adjusting, you know. With this, you're oh, I'm not doing this as well as I was doing that. You always are working at this.

If you let it go, it'll begin to unravel. But you have to keep at this, reading the fine print, applying yourself. And if you will do that, God will bless your marriage. And you'll stand whatever test comes your way. All right, all you married people stand up right now.

Just married people. I want to pray for you. All right, take the hand of your wife. I hope you're with your spouse tonight, but maybe. Yeah.

If you aren't Pastor Jeff and Pastor Brad, don't have wives, you can come hold their hands up here. All right, take the hand of your spouse.

Alright, now look at her, or look at him, look at him. Say, I love you. Give him a kiss.

Okay, that's it. This church. Let's pray. Lord, I pray for every marriage represented here now. I pray you will bless them.

I pray, Lord, that every man in this room will take to heart what we've read and want to love his wife as you love the church, Lord. He can't do it on his own, none of us can. He needs the power of the Spirit.

So fill him with that power, Lord, and help him to love her. sacrificially help him to put her needs above his own. Help him to be a spiritual leader, Lord. A man of God. Lord, I pray for every woman here.

Help her to appreciate her husband. Dao you her husband. Not take him for granted. Help her, Lord, to submit to His authority, not undermine it. Help her, Lord, to undergird and support him in the calling you've given with all the pressure that he carries, Lord.

Help her to be a woman of virtue. And finally, Lord, I don't want to forget the singles that are sitting. Would you help every one of them? to find the right person. Help them, Lord, to be patient.

I know it gets hard. I know they feel lonely at times, and sometimes they want to rush it. But Lord, help them to walk in the center of your will and find that perfect man or woman you've chosen for them, and then that you would bless them. In that special marriage relationship. Help us all to walk in your spirit and live lives that honor you as imitators of God.

As dear children. We ask all of this now. In Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.

Let's all stand up.