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4 Words that Can Change Your Marriage: Loving Selflessly

A New Beginning / Greg Laurie
The Truth Network Radio
February 4, 2022 3:00 am

4 Words that Can Change Your Marriage: Loving Selflessly

A New Beginning / Greg Laurie

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February 4, 2022 3:00 am

Marriage is not a successful arena for a “me first” mentality. Marriage works best when spouses are givers. Newswoman Diane Sawyer said, “A good marriage is a contest of generosity.” And today on A NEW BEGINNING, Pastor Greg Laurie helps us see how that plays out in real life. It’s a look at the Bible’s prescription for loving selflessness in marriage – a plan crafted by the Creator of marriage. And you can invite your spouse to listen at

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A New Beginning is the daily half-hour program hosted by Greg Laurie, pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in Southern California. For over 30 years, Pastor Greg and Harvest Ministries have endeavored to know God and make Him known through media and large-scale evangelism. This podcast is supported by the generosity of our Harvest Partners.

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Eli, listening to a new beginning with Greg Laurie podcast supported by harvest partners for more ways to deepen and challenge your spiritual walk and roll and pastor breaks free online courses sign and harvest out alert is over. I want my way love that only your mirrors today on a new beginning for Greg Laurie Silverstein is off one of the troubles people have in their marriage. This is something your partner so is marriage is falling apart, so we want what we want. Jesus Christ's office here so marriage works best when spouses are givers, newswoman Diane Sawyer said a good marriage is a contest wash today on the new beginning pastor Greg Laurie helps them see how that plays out in real life. It's a look at the Bible's prescription for loving selflessness when crafted by the creator, a copy of the study harvest to grab your Bible, you will get to passages together these five in Philippians 2 Ephesians 5 in Philippians 2 the title of my messages or words I could change your merit.

One of you can think of what they might be couple of people applying on this on my Facebook page I said can you guess what they are. One guy said sorry honey, you're right sub.

Another said there are four words again change your marriage only a guy would say this make me a sandwich that will not change your merit but see we can find them now. Ephesians 5 verse 25.

They are really husbands, love your wives, as of the forwards, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy and without blemish sought husbands to love their wives as a robotics either loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church, but we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.

This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular love his own wife as himself about the wife see that she respects her husband. There noticed four times in a versus mentor simply told to love their wives. How we love our wives as Christ loved the church and we have a great example of that in Scripture. Many places but let's go to a passage no Philippians 2 let's see how Christ loves the church no later Paul writes let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, so here's now what it is they have the mind of Christ in your marriage. Philippians 2 verse two fulfill my joy.

Paul writes by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit and lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but for the interests of others more modern translation puts it this way.

Don't push her way to the front. Don't sweettalk your way to the top. Put yourself aside and help others get a head.

Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. These words ever fly in the face of conventional wisdom. Today in our culture says man look out for number one doesn't matter how you get to number one. What you have to say about a person what you have to do would corners you have to cut just get there because it's all about you. What is the Bible say we should do verse four. So look out for your own interest. Look out for the interests of others that flies in the face of every culture and philosophy we've ever heard. Look back historically, Greece said be wise. Know yourself. Rome said these strong discipline yourself Epicureanism, the pursuit of pleasure says be sensuous.

Enjoy yourself. Education says be resourceful expand yourself.

Psychology says. Be confident, assert yourself.

Materialism says be possessive. Please yourself. Humanism says be capable believe in yourself.

Pride says be superior promote yourself. Jesus Christ says be unselfish, humble yourself. That's the five contrast in the ghetto. Greg give me a break. Do you live in the real world. If I humble myself. I'll never get ahead of I humble myself.

I'll be taking advantage of it.

Wait hold on, right there.

Here's what the Bible says humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and he will exalt you in due time. This is a God sex. I think I want to do it God really what is it mean to humble yourself and need to put others before you know some people talk about how humble they are the sick, humble their dorsal humbler requirements what so what comes whatever it kind of weird to know it's it's humility. I'm so humble I'm so humble I don't even pronounce HH is near just drain.

First of all, a truly humble person wouldn't say I'm so humble truly humble person what it said.

Come and see many know what I appreciate about you. You know what I and they would actually start putting you about themselves. That's an act of humility is called meekness. Jesus was the meekest man that ever walked the face of the earth. Jesus said, come on to me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

For I am meek and gentle let me ask you a question you think Jesus was weak or no, he was the very personification of strength. He was so strong physically.

I believe Price was strong. How else can a man carried across the streets of Jerusalem after he'd been flogged 39 times but more than that being God walking among us. He had all power given to you even said all power is given to me in heaven and earth, but he was meek what is me making's power under constraint power under constraint. Meekness is not weakness. It's a matter was a lot of strength or a woman, but controls it arraigns it. It you've ever seen someone writing a beautiful stallion. You have complete control of that horse returns what they want to turn its ops when they want to stop much of a preacher who had a horse and he thought it would be more spiritual to have it go to commands that he would give that would honor God instead of getting up in well so he decided that for giddyup it would be praise the Lord and what would be hallelujah so that this and present is France's red rose was seven giddyup appraisal or pump off the worst was old tricks and then for woe for stop thoughts. Great. So when these are run with the swords and the source got a little carried away another running toward a cliff. He knows you'll die PS to stop the horse. He's getting closer to the edge know what that word.

I never go to his glory to God horse is still running.

Praise Jesus. So that's it. Oh no, no, hallelujah your stump front of the little pebbles and over the side preacher wipes his breath praise the Lord and I was a preacher and hurt, no, but you know you control a horse that's a horse that's chosen to be meekest chosen to submit its will and in the same way for us. Meekness is submitting our will to God. Know why this marriage. Listen, this is not about greater or lesser your equal in the sight of God but your roles are different and if you don't understand the differences between men and women the way God is wired as well.

It's just ridiculous because the Bible is clear about this and of course that there are so many other ways that we see this demonstrated.

But here's the point we have to find our place and do what God is called us to do. As I've said earlier, don't read your mates mail regional male dude God tells you to do if you were to boil down the problems of most marriage of the problem. I might say most marriages I would identified as one word, selfishness and selflessness. If you want to know the solution to most marriages that are having problems. I would put another word in its place selflessness. That's what were talking about here, substituting selflessness for self. This is to Greg Laurie about the second half of this message just a moment. Sometimes, we can always make sure here's the good news church is coming to you is coming due on your TV screen or on your tablet or your computer or even your phone.

We do it every weekend and it's called harvest home. We worship we have a message of the word of God. If you want to find out more, just go to enjoy this this weekend for harvest at all.

Will we continue now with Pastor Greg since I did today study for words that can change your marriage. So what we learn here for Paul's written Philippians number one. Don't allow your marriage to be driven by selflessness.

Verse three let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit. Most conflicts are result of this James Wrightson James for what you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from. You think they just happen.

Think again they come listen because you want your own way and you fight for it deep inside yourself were prewired that way. I want my way back to our childhood look at kids. One of the first words they learned my mind put a toy on the ground.

Nobody cares about one kid picks it up now. The other one want the same thought and are literally pulling on the same truck that there's others as they want that they want their own way.

That's how we are so don't let that dominate your marriage. Think of immorality.

All the ways it shows itself premarital sex, selfishness, extramarital sex, adultery, and affairs at sometimes call selfishness making decisions without consulting your partner selfishness marriage is falling apart. Selfishness we want what we want.

It's not always an issue of one wants what's right and one wants what's wrong though it sometimes that or you know were violating what the Bible says its difference of opinion. You know she wants to paint the walls why he wants to paint them black. The point is not. Here's what I do personally in my house. My wife she rules okay so I shall see what you think I should do over here. I'm thinking of doing this, nothing will. I think this one I don't really grieve that okay whatever I give you my opinion and sometimes will do what I said sometimes he won't, but I let her decide to Kathy inside the house.

Anything you want to do that for you to decide. That's her domain and you know that's one way to approach over.

The point is you need to learn how to negotiate through these things because it's not always black or white or right or wrong. It's just the difference of opinion never to put your mate above yourself and marriage. Put your mate above yourself, verse 3B lonely in mind and esteem others better than yourself another way to translate this is be humble thinking of others is better than yourself.

This is interesting because the word used here for thinking doesn't mean to pretend others are more important in means to actually leave.

Others are more important, interesting because we don't generally think that way we think we pay were the moral center of the universe right we have it all wired.

We have it all figured out. We did were all that and a bag of chips and now we marry someone that is in different opinion. Then we have and they want to do it a different way then we want to do it. The Bible says think of them is better than yourself will turn out better than me. Really, do you think of that great now seriously just go back 24 hours and think about some of the thoughts of the pop into your mind.

Think about some of the things you contemplated in your telling me you are so good.

Listen, you fall so short. Are you sitting there right now husband and think I'm a better husband and she's a wife. Wives are you saying there's a come a much bigger wife and he's a husband you need to do a little self check for a moment and realize that others should be put in the position of being better than you especially your spouse in your marriage. If I know how wicked I am and what I'm capable of. How can they be so hard another people. The great evangelist Neil Moody once said, quote I have more trouble with DL Moody and any other man I've ever known. That's right. And I have the trouble to know would deal Moody, but with Greg Laurie see we not are made are most likely the problem in our marriage we not are made are probably the problem and then over prescriptive inserting were Paul really shows how love displays itself.

He says love does not behave rudely in first Corinthians 13 five you know some guys would show more kindness toward a total stranger than the person that is bone of their bones and flesh of their flesh in order to track the girl is making a way to adore. Maybe she has something in her arms, and you running head and gently pulled the door she want to thank you your gentler thank you, then your own wife comes home from the market she's unloading groceries and she says, can you give me a hand you say you got up, but kicked the door open so tell me something like that is never happened to you before what you think. I get all these illustration for my own life. Paul also tells us in first Corinthians 13 God's love is not provoked, which means arouse the anger or a sudden outburst. Listen, if in your marriage. It's been reduced to shouting matches Houston we have a problem if you're getting her or him. This is wrong and you need to stop so you always raise your voice whenever there's a disagreement. You get really, how can you ship things and throw things you don't want to go there. Listen, you need to get control of yourself because one of the things that is identified as a fruit of the spirit of self-control God can give you control over your temper and it gets to that point and sometimes honestly it's good to just walk out of the room and I will go for like a month no month is too long, but for a few minutes to cool.

I'm sure but sometimes these things that you know they get worse and worse and and then next thing you know the cops are called or whatever.

What a horrible thing to do to children don't do this to your kids. People don't do it because little eyes are watching little beers are listening and there picking up more than you realize. I was raised in this environment of told you this before I lived every day of my life except when I was with my grandparents or a military school, in the presence of domestic violence, screaming, yelling insanity and I know how horrible that was as a kid and I was determined when I get married that is not what my home is going to look like or sound like I am not going that way.

And this is a horrible thing to do to your children. This is not how love displays itself. I don't even care what the issue is because when it comes a point where if someone is it the issue is now a nonissue in the new issue is you should have never done that using to you to get to a new level.

Don't let it go there. That's not the way that love is Cliff Barrows probably heard him longtime associate of Billy Graham. He was married to his first wife, Billy 449 years until she went to be with the Lord. Cliff married again wonderful lady name and in 1995 and so in an interview he was us the secret to a long and happy marriage eloquent Cliff set is what he said quote I think there are nine words, we should be willing to say every day and they are. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you is good advice.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, and then he adds an additional four words are often helpful to it was my fault.

It was my fault.

How many of your marriage raising you turn your spouse turned him say this to them. It was my fault.

I'm sorry I love you see it helps doesn't you give me a big conflict like you know she's yelling or your yelling or whatever it is and then you say you know what I was wrong. I love you diffused didn't take it out long did it. These are simple truth that we can apply in our lives to love as God wants us to love so love your maid of honor them with the greatest example of loving this week ought to love will I am and not just in the new book humility and how I found it. I want none they don't we laugh because it's absurd but I'll tell you who the person is Yorty know who's the greatest example of humility and love to take a guess. Let's read on a Philippians to let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God did not consider it robbery to be equal with God made himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross, Jesus was God among us, he was not man, becoming a God that's impossible.

He was God becoming man. He never voided his deity, but he availed it sort of hit it, but he still was God which is so amazing when you look at how we served others always had time for others. Always helping others, even in the upper room.

He got down on his knees and he washed the disciples feet. That's normally what a servant would do at incredible by the way, he also watched Judas his feet. That's right before Judas betrayed him. If I was Jesus. I would not want to. This is feet I would've broken his feet.

Then I would've said he had tried to train me now tell that works out know he washed his feet. He was humility, loving servant, and then he made the ultimate sacrifice by going to the cross and dine there for us yes were to love our wife as Christ loved the church and there is no greater example of love ever shown in the universe and the love of God for humanity by sending his son to die on the cross in our place in the sun willingly going and taking the sin of the world if he just took my sin. It would've been bad enough if we added your sin or just the sin of those listening today. It would've been more than enough.

But he took the sin of the whole planet upon himself and then he rose again from the dead three days later.

Now he stands at the door of our hearts in the Knox is visible here. His voice and open the door of commit. Let's all bow our heads everybody praying everywhere. Father, thank you for your word to us and I prefer any person here that does not know you. Help them to come to you. Help them to believe in you. Help them to be forgiven of all of your sins right now in Jesus name I pray, Greg Lord important word of prayer. And if you know you need to make a change today in your relationship with the Lord.

Pastor Greg will come back to help you do that in just a moment before today's addition of a new beginning wraps up and then were making available a wonderful book of encouragement for those who suffered loss is called divine disruption yesterday have heard of some people who walked away from God when it seemed that he didn't answer their prayers for a loved one, a loved one who passed away, what would you say to someone who is wondering if God is on their side there wondering if if God can be trusted.

Well, I think we have to look at the big picture. Is it a punishment or is it a reward to go to heaven. I would liken it to this, let's say you went to Disneyland on a really hot day you are standing in a really long line and suddenly the CEO of Disneyland came out and he gave you his name and then he said I wanted take you to the front of the line and I want to get you in the front of every ride as you come in to the park without be a good thing or a bad thing. All the people waiting in line would envy you hey you lucky dog. How did you pull that off an early death means an early crown. If you're walking with Jesus. You don't have to fear death. Paul said to live is Christ and to die is gain weight.

What gain yes gain is you going to God's presence. So for the person who goes to heaven. It's a wonderful thing honestly for us that say goodbye to that person to very painful thing and I know we wish that our love ones could live forever. Well, they will live forever if there are Christian, but in God's presence. Not forever on this earth and saying goodbye is hard so wanted Christian has a fellow Christian may be a relative may be a friend die. You need to remember this, you'll see them again. They're not just a part of your pastor, also a part of your future. Therefore, you do not say goodbye is CLC a later so here's a book that I want to offer you right now the deals with that a much more is called divine disruption written by Pastor Tony Evans that y'all know Tony is a great radio broadcast is a prolific author, but would unique about this book is eroded with his two sons and two daughters. It deals with the laws that the Evans family is faced, especially having their mother go to be with the Lord in a hard that's been for them, but how they been able to deal with this loss with great trust in God so called divine disruption in the subtitle says holding under faith when life breaks your heart.

So, if life is broken your heart if you're hurting right now. I think this book is really going to be helpful. I'll send you a copy of divine disruption for your gift of any size know some of you can send a large gift. Some smaller gift. But whatever you said we will rush you a copy of divine disruption by Tony Evans and his children, and I know this will be a blessing to you yeah yeah that's right, and each of Tony's kids is in ministry and they're all great communicators so you get five different perspectives packed in one book and a little tip.

Chapter 11 is so helpful with some of Tony's strongest encouragement will send you divine disruption to thank you for your partnership with us for this daily study time can continue where entirely listener supported in your donation not only feed your own spiritual education and edification, but it also helps us reach out to others in your community, so we hope you'll call us today at 1-800-821-3300. That's 1-800-821-3300 or go online to will pass Greg a couple of moments ago you talked about the importance of coming to the Lord to have our sins forgiven somebody listening right now wants to do that. Could you help them yeah I can do that David be happy to the book of Isaiah we read these words seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous man their thoughts let them return to the Lord and he will have mercy on them and to our God, for he will freely pardon this and that's God's word to you and let me address this to the person was never asked Jesus Christ to come into their life. Why don't you do it now that versus seek the Lord while he may be found, God is touched your heart today perhaps and you thought I need this relationship of the Lord.

One of these days on them to make that commitment to Christ no, don't wait for one of these days.

This is the day this is your moment, seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near. Listen God is near to you and he is ready to come into your life and there's another part of this verse when it says let us return to the Lord. I want to also extend an invitation to you that have fallen away from your faith. You fallen away from the Lord, and you need to make a recommitment. So if you want Jesus Christ to come into your life if you want your sins forgiven. If you want to go to heaven when you die, or if you fallen away from the Lord, and you want to return to them.

Pray this prayer with me, Lord Jesus, I know that I'm a sinner but I also know that you are a Savior and I need your help. I need your forgiveness come in the my life and forgive me of all of my sins, I choose to follow you from this moment forward be my Savior be my Lord be my God in be my friend. Thank you for hearing this prayer. Thank you for answering this prayer in Jesus name I pray, amen. And I want you to know on the authority of Scripture. If you just prayed that prayer and minute Christ is heard you and he is forgiven you, so God bless you and we want to help you begin to grow in your new face. We want to send you some resource materials we call our new believers], it will answer some of the questions you might have and get you started off right. So get in touch and ask for your new believers growth packet will send it free of charge if you prayed with Pastor Greg for the first time today. Call us at 1-800-821-3300. That's a 24 seven phone number 1-800-821-3300 or go to but the words know God. Next I Pastor Greg Cassian council aimed primarily at why more insight from his Christian family series called home sweet jointed here on a new beginning. Pastor and Bible teacher Greg Laurie my harvest partners, helping people everywhere know God learn how to become harvest partners sign up for daily devotions and find resources to help you grow in your faith

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