Four Words That Can Change Your Marriage

A New Beginning presents a great new marriage book from Pastor Greg Laurie. I've written a brand new book called Am I Doing This Right? God's Design for Relationships That Last.

So maybe I'm talking to someone out there with a strong marriage. I think if you get this book, it'll strengthen what is there. I might be talking to somebody that has a marriage that is unraveling. I think this book can really help you.

So order your copy of Am I Doing This Right? Yours for a gift of any amount at harvest.org. Four words. that can change your marriage.

Now you'd be thinking about what those four words might be. And I'll identify them for you in just a few moments. Ephesians 5. in 1 Corinthians 13. How many of you are married?

Raise your hand.

Okay. How many of you are single? Raise your hand.

All right. How many of you who are single want to be married? Raise your hand.

How many of you who are single want to stay single? Raise your hand.

Jay? How many of you who are married want to be single? Raise your hand.

Don't. Don't do it. Don't fall for this stuff. All right. Let's pray together.

Father, we pray as we look at your word now. and discover secrets That really aren't secrets because they're plainly revealed in scripture, but they're secrets to many because they haven't cracked this book. The user's manual of life. Help us to see these principles, these truths. these secrets and apply them.

And I pray that every marriage represented Will be blessed as a result. And every future marriage represented will be blessed. We commit this time of Bible study to you now in Jesus' name. Amen.

Well, the other night, our smoke alarm went off at four o'clock in the morning.

So I jumped out of bed. put on my Hello Kitty slippers and Ran to see what it was. First of all, I didn't know what alarm it was because I have a smoke alarm and a fire alarm next to each other.

So I'm staring at them trying to figure out what the problem is. For starters, there was no smoke, there was no problem, it was a malfunction. My question is, why is it that our alarms always malfunction in the middle of the night? Could they not malfunction in the middle of the day? No, they need to wake us up from a dead sleep.

So, this may be one of the reasons that we tend to. Tune out alarms when they go off, right? Like if you're in a parking structure in a mall and you hear a car alarm go off, do you think someone's car is being broken into? Generally not. It's probably someone who's lost their car, they forgot what level they're parked on, and they set their alarm off to find it.

Am I the only person who does that? It's called Malzheimer's disease, where you Lose your car in a mall.

So we tend to ignore alarms. You remember in our last message on the topic of marriage, I talked about the idiot light going off on your dashboard, maybe alerting you to the fact that your oil is low. But here's one idiot like you do not want to ignore. This is the one that says low fuel. Don't ever get down in that red zone and stay there for too long.

Well, I think there's a lot of marriages right now that are Running on empty. In fact, you might even say they're running on fumes. And it doesn't have to be that way because God has not only told us how to have a good marriage in His Word, but He has given us the power to enact the principles He reveals in Scripture. And I'm going to talk about that a little bit today. But let's just start with the basic no-brainer: God invented marriage, it's his idea, and it's not for us.

To change it, to alter it, to add to it, to subtract from it. It is for us to do it the way that He has laid it out in Scripture. And of course, in our culture today, There's no question there's an attack. on the family and on what we call traditional marriage, which is really biblical marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman.

There are many people challenging the very institution of it. And then of course there are people that want alternate versions of it. No, we need to get back to God's original plan. and ask ourselves the question, am I being the best husband or the best wife I possibly could be? Because listen to this, marriage is not so much about finding the right person as much as it is about being the right person.

So that's what we want to focus our attention on. A strong and happy marriage is a result of an obedience to God and His Word and a laying aside of this world's distorted, take it or leave it, concept. Here's one of the problems. We're allowing secular culture to dictate how a marriage should function. And that is the wrong place to look.

The right place to look is in the pages of scripture.

Now when I do marital counseling, which isn't all that often anymore, Uh it's because Someone has used me as a last-ditch effort. In other words, they've said, our marriage is falling apart, we're on the way to divorce court, but if Pastor Greg will see us, we'll agree to come in together.

So if a couple comes into my office, it's pretty much DOA, okay? And now I'm supposed to help these people. And it's hard, let me tell you. And I often will start with a question. Are you both Christians?

Oh, yes, we love the Lord so much.

Okay, great. Do you guys both believe that the Bible is the word of God? Oh, yes, we read the Bible every single day. We love the Bible. All right.

Now, are you willing to do what the Bible says, even if you find it difficult? Oh, now they don't like that question. Because they recognize I'm sort of setting a trap for them. But I'm really not. But what I'm trying to find out is: are you going to do what the Bible says?

Because the Bible tells us how to do this right. Remember, we already pointed out that when Jesus was set up by the Pharisees. And they asked him the question, is it right for a man to divorce his wife for any reason? He didn't deal with that. He talked about the original concept and design of marriage, saying that God brought the man and the woman together, but as kashala man, leave his father and mother.

And cleave into his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

So, two operative words we discovered in our last message: leave and cleave. First of all, you leave all other relationships.

Now, you're still a son or a daughter to your parents. You're still a brother or a sister to your siblings. You're still a friend to others. But now a new family has begun even if it's just a husband and wife for starters And now your primary allegiance and commitment must be to your spouse. They should be your best friend.

That's the leaving, then there's the cleaving. Not just being stuck together, but holding on to one another. Lay this foundation right. And if you do, your marriage will stand the test of time. More than stand it, it will flourish.

We recently redid the floor in our kitchen. It wasn't by design, it's because we flooded our old one. We have a leaky hose on our washing machine and we came back from dinner or something and there was water everywhere.

So first they bring in those giant blowers, you know, to dry it out and to deal with any mold issues and then they relaid the floor. What's ironic is about a number of years earlier, maybe five years earlier, we flooded the floor another time. This was when we got back from an international trip and Kathy had some clothes in the sink and forgot to turn the water off and so it overflow. And so we ended up remodeling our kitchen.

So our basic approach to remodeling is flood, remodel, flood, remodel. I don't think the insurance companies are going to believe us if we go back with a third flood issue. But remodeling is a hassle. Because it takes a lot of time. It always takes longer than they say it will.

It always costs more than they say it would. And your house is a mess. Like if it's your kitchen, you can't really cook with all that remodeling going on. And in the same way, when you have a marriage that's not built on a proper foundation and you're having to remodel, that's a lot of work.

So, if you're not married yet, good news. Started right. Do it God's way. If you're already married and you're having problems with your foundation, if necessary, break it apart and relay it again. But whatever the situation is, God has the answers.

But here's what you don't want to do. You don't want to walk away from that marriage. If I hear another marriage breaking up for irreconcilable differences, I'm going to scream. I mean, what are irreconcilable differences? I've had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 39 years.

She is neat, I'm messy. She's kicked back and relaxed and I'm more in a rush all the time. She likes British TV dramas. I like shoot-'em-ups. She's cute.

I'm fat. It's irreconcilable. Don't clap. Who clapped? What was that?

There was one random Sadly, it was my wife. It's like that old song says, You say potato, I say potato. You say tomato, I say... Potato, potato, tomato, tomato. Let's call the whole thing off.

At the end of the song, it says, but if we call the whole thing off, then we must part. And oh, if we ever part, that would break my heart. See, there are differences and there will always be differences. Think about this: what attracted you to your Spouse to be in the first place. Probably the fact that they were different than you.

Opposites really do attract. Maybe they're outgoing, you're more reserved, they were more of this, not like you are, more of that. And so that thing drew you together. And now that very thing that attracted you to one another has turned into an irreconcilable. Difference?

Listen, we need to embrace the fact that we're different. Viva la difference. Embrace it. Celebrate it. But if in your mind your mate is the source of all the conflict, And you are the innocent person, I already know part of the problem.

Any clear-thinking husband knows he can do a better job. Any clear-thinking wife knows that she can do a better job.

So if you're having marital problems and you're placing the blame solely on your mate, that itself is part of the problem. You're part of the problem too. You need to face that. We each need to look at what God has said to us. Here's one of our problems collectively.

is we read each other's mail. I don't know about you, but my wife has all my passwords. And so she reads my emails and everything else. I don't mind that at all. But sometimes they'll say, so what are you doing with that?

How did you know about that? It's reading your emails. All right, that's true, okay. And I read hers as well. You find out a lot about each other when you do that.

Um The problem is we read each other's mail in the Bible. In other words, wives are telling husbands what the Bible says of them. You're supposed to love me as Christ loves the church.

Well, the Bible says, you're supposed to submit to me. Hey, read your own mail and shut up. Focus on your part. Do what God, what God, I don't know who God is. I think it's a fish.

That was very random.

Okay. Do what God has called you to do. I don't know what kind of shape your marriage is in right now. Maybe it's strong and vibrant. And if so, I pray that.

The things that I'll share will strengthen your foundation, strengthen your foundation. Your merits. Maybe On the exterior, you look good. But underneath the surface, there's a lot of problems. Your communication is poor.

There's lots of arguments. I hope you can get a better biblical perspective. But some of you might have marriages that are hanging by a thread.

Some of you may already be on your way to divorce court, and I pray. That is you see what God has to say in His Word, you would find hope. There is hope for a hurting marriage. Hope for even a failing marriage. Remember, I've defined hope with the acronym H-O-P-E, holding on with patient expectation.

Those are the operative words, hold on. Remember, we pointed out last time that those couples that were having marital problems, if they held on, ultimately overcame them and had happy marriages. Winston Churchill In the midst of World War II, When London was being bombarded by the Nazis, made this statement, and I quote: victory is not won by evacuation. And the same is true of marriage.

Now, before we get to those four words, that can change your marriage. Let's see some super important principles here in Ephesians 5, verse 17. Therefore, Don't be unwise. Understand what the will of the Lord is. Don't be drunk with wine.

In which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

Now usually. When we talk about marriage, we go straight to the roles of husbands and wives. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. But That's not what the Bible does.

Understand what the scripture was originally given, there were not chapters and verses. Paul did not say, chapter 8, verse 1, there is therefore now no covenant known. He didn't use chapters and verses. He wrote it like you would write a letter. Later, those chapters and verses were added, and they're helpful, and we find our way around scripture because of them.

But sometimes there are breaks where there's not a break in thought. And this is one of those cases, as we read Ephesians 5, before we get to the role of husbands or wives. Both spouses are told. that they need the power of the Spirit.

So that brings me to my first point. To have a successful marriage, you must be filled with the Holy Spirit. To have a successful marriage. You must be filled with the Holy Spirit, verse 18. Be filled with the Spirit.

The verb in the Greek is in the imperative mode. Meaning it's not a suggestion, it's a command. To fail to do so cuts off your power supply and render you unable to be the husband or wife God has called you to be. Years ago, we were doing a excuse me. Yeah.

Sorry again. We were doing a cleanup day at the church. And I have to tell you that I am not a handyman. I mean, if you have anything broken in your home, I'm the last guy you want to call. Because when I'm done, it will be worse than it was.

And I've tried to be a handyman. I'll go down to the hardware store and try to find the right tools. But I make a mess of everything. And my wife sees me walk into the house holding a hammer. She's alarmed.

Where are you going with that? What are you going to repair? Let's let's call somebody to come help us And so we were having this workday at the church, and everybody's helping out, cleaning, picking up trash, painting, trimming the hedges. And so I saw here was a hedge that needed trimming, and someone brought one of those hedge trimmers. And I thought, oh, that looks fun.

So I picked it up and I turned it on. And I'm trimming the hedge. I like this. And I wasn't paying attention. And I went right to the girl.

So I look this way and I look that way. And I just set it down and walked off. I didn't think anyone saw me. And later on, Dennis Davenport, who I was helping out that day and I was a pastor up in the high desert. Said, I was up on the roof doing some work and I saw you do that.

But it's kind of hard. to keep the tool working when you've cut the cord. Right? And that Brilliant thought that. And it's kind of hard.

To keep a marriage flourishing when you've cut off your power supply. What is the power supply? It's the filling of the Holy Spirit. We have the power to live a selfless life and put our mates' needs first.

So we often go right into the roles of husbands and wives. Apaul says, first be filled with the Spirit. Here's something else: verse 21: submitting one to another in the fear of God.

Now, in English, this is usually rendered as a separate sentence, but that hides from the readers a very important point that Paul is making. In the Greek, Verse 21 is the last clause in the previous sentence in which Paul describes several marks of a person who is filled with the Spirit. Be filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always to God for all things, submitting one to another in the fear of God. You see, it's all one continuous flow of thought.

So, if I'm a spirit-filled person, I will be a submitting person. I'm not talking to women right now specifically. I'm talking to men too. Before anything is said to husbands and wives, both spouses are told: submitting yourselves one to another in the fear or reverence of God. The spirit-filled husband.

will put the needs of his wife above a zone. The Spirit-filled wife will put the needs of her husband above her own. In other words, everything that is given to us here is a result of being filled with the Spirit. But what does it mean to submit? Because we don't like that word submit.

We think of all servitude, slavery, being taken advantage of, but in reality, we all submit all day long. To authority. Oh, I don't. Really? Yeah.

Okay, let's test the theory. You get in your car and you drive on the wrong side of the street and you see how that works out for you. Before long, one of those authority figures is going to stop you, called a police officer. And you may be arrested. It probably should be.

Because you're under his authority or under her authority. That's the way structure works. When I was in Washington, D.C., for the National Day of Prayer, and this whole controversy so-called erupted over the definition of marriage. And because I believe in what the Bible says about marriage, I was attacked by activist gay groups, as you know, and they were trying to stop me from praying in the Pentagon. And so they put a petition together, and this was going on, and this was before I was speaking.

And the chaplain from the Pentagon called me and said, Now, Greg, you're not gonna. Say or do anything to inflame this even more, are you? I said, No, I've come to speak on prayer and to pray for the nation. And then the chaplain said, Greg. How much do you know about the military?

I said, Well, I know some, but tell me. He said, Well, We have a chain of command. See, and we're all under someone that goes right up to the Oval Office, and if we're told, We have to do something, or we can't do something. That's an order, and we have to obey those orders. You understand that?

Yes, I do, chaplain. And he was trying to say that he might get overruled. But thankfully, I was able to go in there and give that message and pray that prayer. But we're all under a chain of command. Put the needs of your maid above your own.

It also means to. Get underneath and hold someone up.

So if you're walking along with your wife and she is wearing her high heels, say. And she trips and Paul, so you just say, well, why did you even wear those? I told you to wear practical shoes. Oh, I hope you grab her, steady her. You do the same for him, wives.

A husband's submission to his wife does not mean he abdicates his responsibility of leadership in the home. It means that he helps her bear her burdens. The wife Puts the needs of her husband above her own. That's submitting one to another in the fear of God.

Now, let's find those four words. Four words that can transform our marriage. Before I identify them for you, I wonder what you've come up with on your own. I can't ask you to yell them out while I'm mass chaos here. But I actually, on my Facebook page, put a post in saying I'm going to speak on the topic four words that can change your marriage.

Do you know what they are? And people came up with some pretty good responses. Here's some of their. Responses. Matt says, four words that can Change your marriage.

You're right, my dear. Jason says The four words are, will you forgive me? Teresa says the four words are, I love you too. Jack says, yes, you look great. I like that.

How do I look? You look great. Yes, you look great. Yeah.

Rick. Similar, whatever you want, dear. Cheryl says, the four words that can change your marriage, turn off the TV. Pretty good. Maria, how can I help?

Kelly. Right. The four words are, honey, I messed up. Jamie Owens Collins. put a comment on.

Her four words were, happy wife, happy life. I like that. Finally, Karen's four words were, God, please help me. That's pretty close. Pretty close.

Okay, here they are. Ephesians 5.25, let's read them together. Let's read them out loud, in fact. Husbands, love your wives. I'll tell you what.

I don't want the wife to read it. I want just a husband to read it out loud. Verse 25, ready? Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

That he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, and he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy and without blemish.

So ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. No one ever yet heated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Girls? You're off the hook today. I'm coming after you later.

Guys This was a bad day to come to church. Yeah.

Actually, it was a really good day to come. But I'm going to direct my primary comments to men today. Four times in eight verses. Men are told to simply love their wives. And how are we to do that?

As Christ loves the church.

Now you might say, well, Greg, that's a tall order. Yes, it is. The fact is many, if not most, marriages are in trouble. because men are unwilling to obey God's commands to them. Heard a story about a husband and wife that went to see a pastor for counseling.

And the pastor listened to all their conflicts and problems and so-called irreconcilable differences and said, I don't really see any scriptural grounds whatsoever for you guys to get a divorce. In fact, he turns to the husband and says, the Bible tells you, sir, that you should love your wife as Christ loves the church. A husband said, well, I can't do that. Pastor said, all right, let's begin at a lower level. The Bible also says, love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Can you love your wife as much as you love your neighbor? Husband says, no, that's still too high of a level. The pastor finally says, Well, the Bible says, love your enemies. Begin there. That's not really a joke.

It's a point. Guys, there's no getting off the hook here. You need to love your wife.

Now, of course, the word that Paul uses is the word agape, it's a Greek word. He uses it more than any other in the New Testament to describe love. We're told in scripture, God is love. It's that word agape. Jesus said, John 3:16, for God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son.

Again, it's the word agape. It's defined in Galatians 5. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, etc. That's all a definition of the word agape. This means that the Christian man has access to this supernatural love, the non-believer does not.

have access to. Therefore, for a Christian couple to separate or divorce due to irreconcilable differences is not acceptable. Are we no different than non-Christians? Is Christ not living and the Christian husband and the Christian wife? Can God not intervene and help you?

Yes, he can.

Now I've heard it said that uh Christians divorce at the same rate as non-Christians do. You ever heard that before? That's actually incorrect. Uh that's based on A false interpretation of data. Because you need to know that most Americans say they believe in God, and a very high percentage of Americans claim to be Christians.

And so, when we talk about Christians and non-Christians, we have to really zero in on what we mean. Studies have been done. On people who attend church. Read their Bibles together, pray together. In other words, they're committed, real Christians.

Their divorce rate is dramatically lower than the standard in the culture. But among those who do not go to church, do not read the Bible, do not pray yet, profess to be Christians, yes, their divorce rate is equal to the culture.

So it's not just about your profession, it's about your commitment to Christ. And if you really are seeking to live by God's word, yes, your divorce rate is lower because you're seeking to do it God's way. Agape love. What is it? Dr.

Ed Wheat, in his excellent book, Love, Life for Every Married Couple, writes us about agape love, and I quote, Even in the best of marriages, unlovable traits show up in both partners, and in every marriage, sooner or later, a need arises that can be met only by unconditional love. Agape is the kind of love we need in those situations. This love has the capacity to persist in the face of rejection and continue where there is no human response at all. It can leap over walls that would stop any human love coal. It is never deflected by unlovable behavior.

It gives gladly to the undeserving without totaling the cost. To the relationship of husband and wife, which would otherwise lie at the mercy of fluctuating emotions and human upheavals, agape imparts stability and a permanence that is rooted in the eternal, he concludes. Agape is a divine solution for marriages populated by imperfect human beings. End quote. That's us.

Imperfect human beings that need God's help. Problem is, we don't look to the scripture for our kids, we look to movies. Or even the songs. One of my favorite Songs out there about love is amore. That's a more Italian for that slug.

You know the words, when the moon hits your eye. like a big pizza pie. That's a more right. When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine. That's a more.

Bells will ring. Ting-a-ling-a-ling. Ting-a-ling-a-ling. And you'll sing. Vita Bella.

Hearts will play tippy tippy tay, tippy tippy tay. Like a gay tantarella. Not sure what that is. When the stars make you jewel like a pasta fazool, that's a more. When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet, You're in love.

Here wait a second. That's not. Love, that's mental illness. What? The moon hits you like a big pizza.

The world shines like you're drunk, and your heart plays tippy-tippy, tay. Then you drool and dance down the street. You're crazy, man. Forget a more Let's talk about agape. That's the kind of love we need.

for a marriage at last.

Now let's go to 1 Corinthians 13. And we have A definition Not so much of what love is. As much as a definition of what love does. 1 Corinthians 13, the famous love chapter. Paul shows us how this agape love works in real life.

We'll start in verse 4. Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. It's not puffed up.

It does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, it's not provoked. It thinks no evil. It does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Here's a more modern translation.

Just listen to this. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut.

Love doesn't have a swelled head. It doesn't force itself on others. It isn't always saying me first. Love doesn't fly off the handle. Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others.

Love doesn't revel when others grovel. Love puts up with anything. Love trusts God always. It always looks for the best. It never looks back.

Love keeps going to the end. I like that. You want to feel uncomfortable? Take out the word love and insert your name. in its place.

Greg cares more for Cathy than Kathy, and he does for himself. Great doesn't want what he doesn't have. Great puts up with anything. Trusts God always. No, that doesn't fit very well.

There's only one name that fits perfectly. And it's Jesus Christ. This is really a portrait of Jesus. Look at what love does. Not just what love is, what love does.

Love practices patience. It doesn't just have kind feelings, it does kind things. It's not a benign attitude, it's action. Love means unconditionally loving the unlovable, the undeserving, and the unresponsive. Love is only love when it acts.

1 John 3.18. Let us love not in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. This is how a husband is supposed to love his wife.

So don't tell me you've tried everything. Mm. People will say our marriage is falling apart. We're seeking counseling. Here's my first question.

Is it biblical counseling? Getting counseling. Is meaningless if it's not biblical.

Sometimes there's counseling that's anti-biblical. Maybe you're going to a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and they've put you in antidepressants. Listen, I have a way for you to save your money and stay off drugs. Try loving one another as God tells you to. Say, oh, Greg, stop.

You know, you're so simplistic, you're naive. No, actually, why don't you give it a try? Have you done it God's way? Are you living this way? See, it's no good looking for the truth if you look in the wrong place.

Heard about a drunk guy that was searching for his wallet under a streetlight.

Someone asked him, what did you lose? I lost my wallet. Did you lose it around here? No, I don't lost it down the street. Why are you searching here if you lost your wallet down the street?

There's no light there. Wait, no. It doesn't help to search for something if you look in the wrong place. What's the right place? The Bible.

Do it the way the Bible tells you to do it.

So, do we learn from these passages we've read? Number one: if you really love your wife, be patient with her. Love is long-tempered. A word to you is singles, I don't want to leave you out. Love is patient.

The Bible tells us a beautiful story. Uh about love. And uh It was about a man that was in love with a woman. His name was Jacob, and her name was Rachel. And he wanted to marry her, but her dad, Laban, was quite the conniver.

And said, I'll tell you what, son, you want to marry this girl? Yes, I do. You worked for me for seven years. And when those seven years are up, I'll give her to you, okay?

So Jacob worked for seven years for Laban. The seven years are up. The wedding night comes. He wakes up in the morning, not with Rachel, but with their less attractive sister, Leah. He goes back to Father Laban says, Wait, wait, I worked all those years for Rachel and how you gave me Leah.

Oh, sorry about that. Oh, we all make mistakes. Listen, work for seven more years and you can have Rachel. And the Bible says he did this, and it seemed as but a few days for the love that he had for her. If you're really in love with someone and it's genuine, it will stand the test of time.

So don't rush it. Don't rush it. Take your time. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. But love is patient.

Number two, if you really love your wife, you'll show kindness and tenderness to her. Verse 4: Love is kind. Just as patience will take anything from others, kindness will give anything to others. If you love your wife as you ought to, she will respond. Why are we Christians?

Why do you follow Jesus? The Bible says you love him because he first loved you. Your love for God is a response to His love for you. The same is true in marriage. If husbands would just do their part, it would transform marriages across our country.

If husbands would just say, I'm going to focus on these four words today, husbands, love your wife. That's what I'm going to do. It would change everything because she would respond accordingly.

Now, there's exceptions. There are exceptions because to the point Not everyone is a Christian. And some people resist the love of God. And so, just because you love your wife as Christ loves the church, it doesn't guarantee she'll always respond. But I'm telling you, in most cases, she will.

Here's something to think about. If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, Thoroughbred? You'll never end up with a nag. Here it is on the screen. You treat your wife like a thoroughbred.

She'll never end up. You'll never end up with an ad. I can't even Say this. It's so profound. Yeah.

But this is a practical love. He shows his kindness. In practical ways. I mean, think about this. When you first were courting your wife to be.

What did you do?

Well, you actually took a shower. You gave some thought about the way you looked. You showed good manners. You didn't chew with your mouth open. You told her how attractive she looked.

Then you married her.

Well, that's changed, hasn't it? Maybe you need to go back to do some of those first things. Again, Proverbs 31 says, Her children call her blessed and her husband praises her. When's the last time you praised your wife? And by that I mean complimented her in front of others.

Compliment your wife in front of friends, in front of your kids, in front of even strangers, bragging on your wife. A lot of times they'll criticize her. Don't ever do that publicly. You have something to say to her, or to him for that matter. Do it later, but not in front of other people.

But you know, here's the thing, and let me say something to defend guys for a moment. Because it's sometimes said, you know, women are much more emotional than men. I don't think that's true. I just think we express our emotions differently. It is easier in most cases for a woman to express the way she is feeling than it is for a man, but men are feeling those things.

I think deep down inside, that man, that husband, loves his wife with all of his heart. He thinks these things, he just doesn't always verbalize these things. He looks and thinks, well, she looks beautiful, but for some inexplicable reason, he doesn't say it. It just thinks it.

So either you have to become a mind reader, girls, Or help your husband to say what he's really thinking. As the great theologian Bruno Mars pointed out, In a song, When I Was Your Man. Too young, too dumb to realize I should have brought you flowers and held your hand. Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance.

Now my baby's dancing with another man. Pretty good, Bruno.

Some Christian husbands could learn from what he wrote. You show her kindness. You show her love.

So I'm going to help you guys right now. You ready for an awkward moment? Husbands, where are you? Raise your hand.

I need to know where you are.

Okay, guys. Wives, where are you? Raise your hand, wives. Oh, I hope you're next to your husband. Hope you're not in two sections of the church.

All right, husbands. Turn to your wife. Turn to her. And I'm going to ask you to repeat something after me. Out loud, I want to hear you do it.

Turn to your wife, husbands, ready? Say this after me. I hate it when Greg makes me do stuff like this either. Huge. ¿Qué non de que sir?

Sorry. This is real now. Turn to your wife. Say this after me. Greg is a really good preacher.

Don't you? No, no, don't. Don't say that. Don't, don't. Cam, this is it.

Turn your eyes. Say these words. I love you.

Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and do that. Better this time. Say it again. Go. Oh, that's sweet.

You know, a hug and a kiss can go a long way. We're not going to do that here. But you know, some German researchers got together. and did an in-depth study. on why people live long lives.

Here's what they discovered. I'm not making this up. They discovered that people that live longer lives kiss their wife Before they went to work every day, they said the good morning kissers miss less work because of sickness and earn 20 to 30 percent more money than non-kissers. Give it a try. After church.

Number three, if you love your wife, you'll not boast of it to her, but just do it. If you love your wife, you won't boast of it to her. You'll just do it. Verse 4: Love does not parade itself. This means To strut.

It's the idea of reminding your spouse of all that you do for them. Do you realize how hard I work to give you this standard of living? Do you know what I do? Do you understand the sacrifices that I've made? You say, but Greg, I have.

I know. But love doesn't brag about it. Number four, if you love your wife, you'll show kindness and tenderness to her. Kindness and tenderness to her. Verse 5: Love does not behave rudely.

Some husbands would show more kindness. to a complete stranger than they would show to their own wife. Who's bone of their bones and flesh of their flesh? I mean, there would be a woman walking toward a door with packages, and the guy would run and open the door for her, which is good. That's a good thing to do.

Then his own wife. coming, he goes, hey, kick it with your foot, you know. Take the kid, sling the kid to the side, hold the peg with the kick, you know. My answer. Number five, if you love your wife, you'll not be harsh with her.

Verse 5, love is. Not provoked easily. This means to be aroused to anger or sudden outburst. If you're screaming and yelling at your spouse, You've crossed the line. Don't ever go to bed angry at each other.

Ephesians 4, 26 says, don't let the sun go down in your wrath. Heard about a husband and wife that decided to put that into practice. They would never go to sleep bad at each other. They've been married for 30 years.

Someone asked the husband, How did that work out? He said, Pretty well, but it was hard.

Sometimes sitting up all night. Number six, if you really love your wife, you'll believe the best, not the worst, about her. You'll believe the best, not the worst about her. Verse 5, love thinks no evil or takes into account. This is a bookkeeping term that means to calculate, enter into a ledger a permanent record that can be consulted when needed.

Get it?

So that means you're having an argument, and you actually say, Well, I remember when you said 20 years ago, what? Yeah, I have it right here. Why do you have it right there? Why do you still remember?

Well, I remember. Love doesn't do that. Love forgives and love forgets. Finally, Love endures all things. It endures all things.

It refuses to surrender. It will not stop believing. It keeps hoping. Love will simply not stop loving. You know, some friction comes in a marriage and.

One says, I'm leaving you. I'm going back to my mother. I'm gonna get a hotel room, and the sad thing is she's 70. No. I'm going to get a hotel room.

I'm separating. Don't do that unless it's absolutely necessary. But I wish we could take this word divorce. and strike it from our vocabularies. And not even put it on the table.

And seek to resolve these conflicts that we have.

Now, you might say, well, Greg, you know. This isn't easy. I know that. I can't do this on my own strength.

Well, I know that too. But God has given you the power. to do this. You say, well, I'm going to just wait till I feel that power. You don't have to wait till you feel it.

The power is already there. Romans 5:5 says, The love of God is shut abroad in your heart by the Holy Spirit. Don't wait until you feel love. Just start loving. Don't wait till you feel kindness.

Just start doing kind things. Just start doing it. And then in time. You'll feel it. That's the whole emphasis of 1 Corinthians 13.

For words that can change your marriage. Husbands, love your wives. Let me close with two more words.

Sort of bonus. Two more words that can really help your marriage. You ready? I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Why do you find that funny? Seriously though, I'm sorry. You say that to your spouse. You know you've crossed the line. You know you said something you...

should not have said or you didn't say something you should have said or you fell short in some way just say you know what I'm really sorry. I apologize. I was wrong. And I'll tell you what, if you do that, it can change your marriage. As Ruth Graham said, A successful marriage is made up of two good forgivers.

You need to learn to forgive, and you need to learn to forget.

So, men? It's time to man up. Same person laughing. Mm-hmm. I'm not going to talk about that.

All kinds of thoughts are going through my mind.

Okay. It's time to man up and be the man that God has called you to be: to love your wife. Does Christ love the church? How did Christ love the church? He gave himself for us.

Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Love the glory of heaven. And came to this earth and voluntarily went to a cross and died for the sin of all of humanity and rose again from the dead. See, there's no way that we can do this without God's help. It's interesting to me how God says, You want to know?

How much I love my church. Then look at the way that that Christian husband loves his wife. Of all the analogies, of all of the pictures God could have chosen, he chooses the marriage. He says to a lost world, Look at the Christian marriage. Look at the way that man loves his wife.

That's how much I love my people. Look at the way that wife loves her husband and respects him. That's the way my church loves me. Man, I'll tell you what, if there's anywhere you need to live the gospel, it's in the marriage. There's so many challenges.

All of our foibles and our flaws are exposed. We need to bend, we need to flex, we need to forgive, we need to do it over and over again. It changes us. God uses it. To make us more like Jesus.

But let me close in saying: if you're married or single, Whatever your status. God loved you so much, He sent His Son to die for you. And if you have not believed in Jesus yet, I hope you'll do it right now. Because he stands at the door of your life. And he knocks and says, if we'll hear his voice and open the door, he will come in.

And maybe you need his forgiveness today. Maybe you've done something you know is wrong. You've fallen short of his standards. Every one of us have sinned. That's what the Bible teaches.

But if we'll turn from that sin and put our faith in Jesus Christ, he will forgive us. And if you've never asked him into your life, why don't you do it right now? and experiences forgiveness.

So you can have a fresh start in life. Let's all bow our heads and pray. Everybody praying, please. Father, thank you for your word to us. Thank you for the offer of forgiveness through Jesus Christ.

And while our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed. Maybe you who have joined us today would say, you know, I don't really know. If Jesus Christ is living inside of me. Yeah.

I don't know that I have his forgiveness. I don't know with certainty that. I will go to heaven when I die. But I want to know that. Yeah.

I want Jesus to come into my life. I want to get right with God right now. If that's your desire. If you want Christ to come into your life, If you want him to forgive you of your sin. If you want to go to heaven when you die.

Or if you've fallen away from the Lord and you want to come back to Him right now, wherever you're sitting, would you lift your hand? And let me pray for you today. You want Christ to come into your life. Let me pray for you. Raise your hand up.

I'll pray for you. God bless you. God bless you. God bless each one of you. Anybody else?

Raise your hand up if you would. God bless you. It's just anybody married, single. Young, old. You need Jesus.

And he'll forgive you. But you must ask for his forgiveness. Anybody else, if you've not raised your hand yet, raise it now. God bless you. You that have raised your hand, if you would, please pray this prayer out loud after me, right where you are.

Again, as I pray, pray this after me. Right where you are, Lord Jesus. I know I'm a sinner. But you died on that cross for my sin. and rose again from the dead.

Now come into my life. And be my Savior and Lord. Am I God and my friend? I choose to follow you, Jesus. From this moment forward.

Thank you for calling and accepting me. and forgiving me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Okay, everybody, thanks for listening to my podcast. Before you go, I wanted to let you know about the important work we're doing here at Harvest. You know, we've had the same goal these last 50 years, which is simply this. We want to know God and we want to make Him known. And we do that in a lot of ways.

Documentary films, animation, radio, television, large-scale evangelistic events, and more. If you want to be a part of what we're doing to fulfill the great commission, you can support us with whatever you can give. At harvest.org slash donate. Again, that's harvest.org/slash donate, and thanks so much.