Momentum - Learning to Experience Authentic Community, Part 1

Do you wish you had a really great friend? I mean, someone that you could entrust your heart to?

Well, someone has wisely said, in order to find a good friend, you need to be one. And today, we're going to talk about how to build deep, meaningful, authentic relationships that stand the test of time. You don't want to miss it. Welcome to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of these daily programs is to intentionally disciple Christians through the Bible teaching of Chip Ingram.

Every human being longs for relationship, for connection, to know and be known by others. So today, as we continue our series Momentum, Chip unpacks what a godly community is and why it's so important, especially in the disconnected age we live in. Before Chip dives into this topic, let me encourage you to get our message notes while you listen. They'll help you get the most out of what you're about to hear. Download them under the broadcasts tab at livingontheedge.org.

App listeners, tap fill in notes. Well, here now is Chip to set the table for where we're going today. Unfortunately, in the place where God designed for authentic community to occur, people have an amazing experience. They walk into a room, they sing some songs, they sit down, they listen, they get up, they walk out alone.

And we call it church. If you open the notes, I'd like to dig in with you and learn from a couple Old Testament characters who model for us what authentic community really looks like and, better yet, how to experience it. Let me give you just a quick little background. Jonathan and David are a great story. First Samuel 18 opens up and it's the story of David's life and David's a little shepherd boy and there's a big battle and everyone's afraid of the big bad Goliath and he's a giant and the nation of Israel's paralyzed.

And in this window of moment, a story that many have heard, this little shepherd boy takes some stones, slays the giant, becomes a national hero. After becoming a national hero, he actually is quite the musician as well, Saul, who's the present king, actually asks, well, who's your dad? He tells him, my dad's name is Jesse. And basically Saul says, I want you to stay in the palace with me. In other words, this is a neat young man, God's hands upon his life.

I want you to stick around with me. Now in chapter 18, Saul has a son named Jonathan and we're going to, it's very cryptic. In fact, we're going to go through these two men's relationship very quickly, but the principles out of it are absolutely amazing. And so in chapter 18, verses one and two, we're going to learn about the relationship between Jonathan and David. And what you're going to see is that in this relationship, there are going to be seven essentials of biblical community. If you in your heart want to get connected, if you want to learn to have deep friendships, if you want to go beyond the superficial, I'm telling you, you can look at Jonathan's life and David's life and their connection and what happens and you'll learn the seven essentials, some very practical ways to really be loved from the heart and to love other people from the heart.

First essential is to be aware. God orchestrates circumstances in chemistry and you say, well, where do you get that? Well, follow along. Chapter 18, after David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the King's son. There was an immediate bond or literally the text says, God knit their souls together, a love between them and they became best friends.

From that day on, Saul kept David with him at the palace and wouldn't let him return home. So he says, you know, God's got his hand on your life, boy, I want you to stick around. I mean, and then something happened between Jonathan and David and I think this happens now and then and I would say be aware because what we have is literally a shepherd was not like a high class job and he was the youngest boy of all the sons.

So David is in the low, low rang of social economy of the day and Jonathan is a prince and he's going to become the next king or so everyone thinks. Sometimes you miss the greatest people God puts in your life because you have an unconscious filter about the kind of people that you'll really connect with and the kind of social status they need to have or the color of skin that they need to have or the amount of education that they need to have or a lot of unconscious things, how pretty or how they dress or where they've been. And I think this is very interesting that you need to be aware that God might bring the very best friend you'll ever have from a different socioeconomic, ethnic, age, background that will blow your mind. But you've got to be aware. You've got to be open. You've got to be able to say, you know something, God doesn't see as man sees. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord weighs the heart and he may have someone in your relational network right now and it's not that you're a willful, prejudiced, I never want to be that person's friend.

You're like me, all of us are what the psychologists call, we've been socialized and we have this unconscious box and in our unconscious box some people get in and other people don't and we are most accustomed to love people and connect with people like us. David was very, very different than Jonathan in terms of social status. Second thing we find is be intentional.

We rarely drift into authentic community. Be intentional. Look at verse 3, it says, and Jonathan made a special vow to be David's friend. By the way, we're seeing him be, he's moving downward in his social mobility. He takes the initiative. He's the prince. He's got the money, he's got the power, he's got the position, he gets to call the shots in the palace other than his dad and he makes a special vow. That means he makes a vow before God but what he's doing now, he's making a vow and he's verbalizing David I want to be your friend and he sealed the pact by giving him his robe, his tunic, his sword, his bow and his belt. Now I wish we had about three hours, that phrase right there would make for a great sermon.

If we could spend the time and talk about what would it mean for a prince to take his robe, his tunic, his bow, his sword, all the elements that reflect his power. The net net is he's saying I'm laying aside my power, my prestige and my position and I want you to know that I'm committing to you. I want us to be on even terms and David I want to be your friend and he actually verbalizes it. Friendships, you just don't drift into friendships. Making deep friendships, authentic community has to be a priority.

You need to have what I call intentional pursuit and intentional commitment. Those are the two things that he does. Jonathan pursues David. He sees something in his heart. He sees something in his life. He sees something about David that says I want to get to know him better.

It's not just that he's a hero and he killed the giant. There was something about David's faith. There was something about David's walk with God.

I think Jonathan it says God knit their hearts together. It wasn't something that they produced or made happen. God orchestrates circumstances.

God orchestrates chemistry but we have to be intentional. You get around people. You know you can't just sort of say well I'm glad we're in this group.

You know as good as it is to have a small group and lots of needs, the fact of the matter is mentoring and deeper relationships need to occur. I mean there's only so much you can do in a group of eight or ten and really there's maybe one or two people in the group that your heart starts to get connected to and you need to say to them hey why don't we grab coffee this week or I heard that you run. Tell you what I like to run.

Can we go for a run? In other words it takes intentional pursuit or it stays fairly shallow. It takes intentional commitment. Now what I hope you're hearing is that means probably you're going to take some time away from something else in order to do it. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Today's message learning to experience authentic community is from our series Momentum. Chip will join us in studio later to share some insightful application for us to consider. For more information about our ministry visit livingontheedge.org.

That's livingontheedge.org. Well with that let's get back to today's program. And so from Jonathan and David we learn you've got to be aware, you've got to be intentional and then you have to be honest.

And what I mean by this is share the last ten percent. If we had a little more time you could see that David, go ahead and look at verse five, whatever Saul asked David to do he did it successfully. So Saul makes him the commander of his army.

And then notice the appointment was applauded by all the fighting men and the officers. So he's becoming famous. He goes out to battles and basically his popularity is getting higher and higher than the king. The king becomes increasingly jealous and so he comes up with multiple ways that he thinks he's going to get rid of him. And so he even offers you can marry my daughter but the real game plan is to send him out into harm's way to get him killed. Well David keeps disappointing him because he keeps winning and winning and winning. And finally it comes out that he wants to assassinate him.

And so we pick up the story in chapter 19. Now Saul urges his servants and his son Jonathan to assassinate David. But Jonathan because of his close friendship with David told him what his father was planning. Tomorrow morning he warned him you must find a hiding place out in the fields.

I'll ask my father to go out there with me and I'll talk to him about you and then I'll tell you everything that I can find out. And the next morning Jonathan spoke with his father about David saying many good things about him. Please don't sin against David Jonathan pleaded. He's never done anything to harm you. He's always helped you in any way he could. And then you know like father have you forgotten about the time that he risked his life to kill the Philistine giant and how the Lord brought a great victory to Israel as a result?

You were certainly happy about it then. Why should you murder an innocent man like David? There's no reason for it all. And then Saul listened to him and what we find out is Saul is sort of Saul listens for a little while and his jealousy and his fear. Saul is a great study of insecurity.

By the way desperately insecure people have very difficult times with deep and great relationships because they compare all the time and they're threatened. But this is interesting. You know great friendships and it goes multiple directions here.

You got to be honest and what we tend to do is we're honest with about the first 90 percent. Now if my dad was the king and I had a really good friend that he was going to kill I think I would go with something like you know David maybe a good time for vacation. You know really you got to get out of town. You know here's my private donkey. Here's a few bucks.

There's a resort. Why don't you kind of get out of here right now? I mean it took a lot of courage to get 100 percent honest with his father or he could have said oh dad you got to be kidding.

You know that's not real. He went oh what about this dad? What about this?

Don't you remember this? Jonathan told the last 10 percent and confronted his father with his sin and Jonathan had the courage to tell David 100 percent of the truth. And that door needs to swing both ways. And what our temptation is is we tend to tell people about 90 percent and then when it gets uncomfortable when it gets right to the point where we could really get rejected we bail out. You know I don't want to say that and and by the way it's usually the big white elephant in the room. All their friends see the same thing. When you find someone who tells you some really really hard truth that hurts your feelings and your initial reaction is you want to reject them and get angry and mad I want you to know you've probably just met one of your very best friends. Because if it's an issue in your life almost everybody else sees it.

But very very few people care enough and love you enough to tell you. I remember the very first time this happened to me I got so angry. This fellow I was in a little discipleship program and I was there all summer and we were having a little evaluation at the end and you know my workaholic tendencies had played out. I'd memorized all the verses.

I did all the stuff they asked me to do. I mean I just thought I mean if they were going to rank people in this little summer program I'm like maybe a nine or a ten. You know being as humble as I was I thought probably just a nine.

But down deep in my heart I was pretty sure I was a ten. You know I'm just serious. And this guy named John he you know he said hey let's go out for coffee and like to tell you some observations I have about you know our time together here this summer and you know I mean it was literally like well you know I've kind of been waiting for this moment you know bring it on. And so he says maybe this would help and so he wrote down on this card Galatians 1 10, Luke 16 15, John 5 and if I remember right maybe 30. He said I'd really like you to read these over. I said oh well I will. He said now why don't you just go ahead and read them before we talk.

I mean only the navigators can do stuff like that so you know okay so I read them. For that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God. Next verse. How can you please God when you're seeking the favor of men? Okay I would not be a bondservant of Christ if I were still trying to please men. Chip I've watched you I think you're a people pleaser and you're very arrogant and I don't think God will ever use your life until you address that issue.

And I wanted to get up and Jack the guy right in the jaw. It's probably one of the greatest gifts God ever gave me because when the truth was known I was a real people pleaser and very arrogant and I bet lots of people had seen it before but John was the first person to look me in the eye tell me the last 10% and give me some biblical criteria to change. You want great friends tell them the last 10%. Oh it could cost my friendship well yeah it could or it could make it. Fourth we see is be available. When crisis comes friends arrive. We find that the story continues and Saul and David are going through a number of different things and then by verse 20 Saul's really out I mean he's got the SWAT team after David and so in chapter 20 verse 1 it says David now fled from Naoth in the Ramah and found Jonathan so you know so he's fleeing this tells you a lot about the relationship he finds Jonathan and basically he says you know they're trying to kill me what have I done he exclaimed what is my crime how have I offended your father so that he's determined to kill me that's not true Jonathan protested I'm sure he's not planning any such thing for he always tells me everything he's going to do even the little things I know he wouldn't hide something like this from me it just isn't so then David took an oath before Jonathan and said your father knows perfectly well about our friendship so he has said to himself I won't tell Jonathan why should I hurt him but I swear to you that I'm only a step away from death I swear it by the Lord and by your own soul and now listen to Jonathan's response tell me what I can do David's saying hey man you don't get it he's after me he's trying to kill me I was dodging spirits the other day and I ran for my life I mean he's after me and his son's going I'm like no I've talked to dad he would there's no way he's going to do this what happens in your friendships when two different stories come out what happens in your friendships when you're thinking well wait a second this is really this doesn't make sense what do you do and where do you go Jonathan's available Jonathan listens Jonathan basically says you know what do you want me to do basically David's going to say I need you to get on the same page with me and you need to find out whether this is really true of what your father's trying to do and I mean he is available now there's a great proverb proverb 1717 says a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity crisis often reveals who your true friends are when crisis comes there's cost when crisis comes there's sacrifice when crisis comes the people that show up and ask this question what can I do I remember it was a real intense time in my life schedule and travel and my dad was very very sick and he didn't have much time to live and I had a friend who because of his business owned a plane that he flew to different places and I'll never forget he said when your dad gets near the end you call me I don't care where you're at I'll come pick you up and I'll take you you need to see your dad you've had a long up and down journey with him you need to see him before he dies and I'll never forget getting one of those calls that says if you want to see your dad before he dies you need to get here as soon as possible I mean he's not gonna last probably more than another 24 or 48 hours and I remember sitting down this is really interesting I remember sitting down thinking what Gary said and then thoughts like I don't want to put him out I mean like how much gas would it cost and I mean I know he but I know he but and I and I just thought you know he said he wanted to do it I just can't imagine anybody doing that for me and I just realized you know something I guess I just need to humble myself and receive and I got I just called him on my cell I was working out downstairs I said Gary I just got a call you know it took me 10 minutes to work it through and he said get get over to the little airport it'll be 30 minutes I'll have you there in Durham in a couple hours and I got in his plane 30 minutes later and we flew in the middle of the night and he and his son and he said he dropped me off in front he says I'll come back and get you he said we'll take care of the hotel he had rented a car took care of everything and I had a window of opportunity that I'll share a little bit later with my dad because someone oh you talk about a friend is available are you available see we got convenient friends we got real friends This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and you've been listening to part one of Chip's message learning to experience authentic community from our series Momentum Chip will be back shortly to share some helpful application for us to think about you've heard us say we are on a mission to help Christians everywhere live like Christians and that's a great vision statement and goal but how can we practically do that in this series Chip shows us the way by studying the lives of six well-known Bible characters discover what we can learn from people like Abraham Moses and Joseph and how their attitudes and faith in God are helpful guides for us today you're not going to want to miss a word of this meaningful series well I'm joined in studio now by Chip and Chip since the beginning of June we've been highlighting the work this ministry is doing across the globe and inviting our listeners to partner with us in that work so now that our mid-year match is wrapped up you had something you wanted to say well Dave I just wanted to pause I mean to really pause and tell you from the bottom of my heart thank you you know every time a person makes a financial gift a spiritual transaction occurs in other words something actually happens in a person's heart and I speak to those of you who gave you gave you responded you invested in Living on the Edge and I want you to know that as you've invested we're going to invest in the lives of people here and all around the world it really matters and we are super grateful thank you each one of you who prayed and said Lord what do you want me to do and then you followed his lead the final numbers will be on our website as soon as we get all the mail that comes in but I just want to say thank you thank you so very much for hearing from God responding to God and for being so generous amen well we truly celebrate every gift we've received and are excited to see how God will use it to motivate Christians to live like Christians everywhere so from the entire staff here at Living on the Edge thank you for your support well here again is Chip to share some application for this message as we close today's program I would remind you that I told a story about a friend who really came through for me and he was a friend because he was available it wasn't convenient in fact it was very expensive and he did something for me that was priceless and so let me just ask you talking about biblical community and friendship do you have a friend like that and maybe another question is are you someone else's friend who would call you and say hey I really need your help and they just know that you would come through and if your mind is a little foggy and some names aren't popping into it right away let me encourage you are you available or are you so busy that all the relationships are superficial well if that's true then you know we learned real friendships require intentionality you don't drift into it so who are the people just in your mind's eye right now who are some people that you want to go deeper with and so this week you text them you call them you email them you say let's get together and you take the next step toward intentionality or maybe it's a decent relationship and it's pretty good but it's not this face-to-face heart-to-heart Jonathan and David maybe you need to tell them the last 10% maybe you need to have a little more courage and and the roadblock is is that you got to get more real and you need to be more honest with them and then finally maybe some of you are saying you know what I wish I had even any of those I don't have any friends maybe you need to become aware and ask God to open your eyes he's orchestrating circumstances and maybe there's a friend that looks different or has a big need or comes from a different ethnic background or works in you know a different part of where you work or doesn't have the same hobbies and God has prepared for you the way he did for Jonathan and David unusual circumstances to knit your heart together go be a great friend to someone and see if God doesn't give you one in return that's a great reminder chip and let me say here at Living on the Edge we believe community is essential to every Christian's faith and a practical way to find and build those meaningful relationships is in a small group so let me encourage you to visit Living on the Edge org and check out our library of study guides and resources whether you want to build a stronger marriage better understand God's character or biblically respond to our changing culture we have something for you learn more by clicking the store button at Living on the Edge dot org let us help you build some life-changing community today well join us next time as chip continues his series momentum until then I'm Dave Drewy thanking you for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge you