It's an unfortunate reality, but many of us carry relational wounds.
You were friends with someone, and you trusted them, only to hear that they gossiped about you or betrayed a confidence and stabbed you in the back. And as a result, we're tempted to not open up, to not trust, to find ourselves alone. Today, I want to help you learn how to build relationships that go deep, that get real, and allow us to open our hearts again. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Living on the Edge is an international teaching and discipleship ministry motivating Christians to live like Christians. Well, in this program, Chip picks up where he left off last time in our series, BIO, Three Essential Practices to Becoming More Like Jesus. But before we begin, if this is your first time listening to Living on the Edge, or you want to learn more about what we do, go to LivingOnTheEdge.org. You'll find resources there on tons of topics and countless programs to enjoy.
Or if you prefer, the Chip Ingram app is also a great way to get plugged in with our ministry. Okay, here's Chip to share the remainder of his message, Practice Number Two, Do Life in Community. I remember many, many years ago, we lived in Texas, and we lived near a neighbor who made it really clear she wasn't interested in spiritual things. And she and her husband had gone through a difficult time, and they'd separated, and they later divorced. And she would see our family right next door, and I was trying to be a good neighbor, and I'd cut her yard, and we'd invite her over for dinner, and I think she came once. And I just felt like our whole time there was just a total flop.
God, we tried to love her, and nothing happened. And it was near the end of our time, and we were ready to move, and we're packing the truck, and she came out near the curb, and we're kind of talking. And she said, you know, I know where you guys are really coming from. By the way, this is Texas, right? It's a Bible Belt.
People kind of know the story. And she goes, I know you were really wanting to love me. But she goes, I've got to tell you, I've been burned by so many Christians, and I've got a lot of anger and bitterness.
Our marriage did not end well at all. And then she kind of smiled. And she said, I want to thank you all, because I'm not maybe as closed as you think I am. And there's something about the way you treated one another, and me watching you with your kids, and watching these people that kept coming over to your house, that made me down deep think, that's what I really want, God.
That's what I really want. Can I tell you that when you do life with other Christians, I don't mean go to meetings. I don't even mean just have a small group. I mean, when you do life with other Christians, and you sacrifice, and you're authentic, and you're real, and you love one another, and you care for one another. When you invite people outside of Christ into that world, I will tell you, it's one of the most powerful apologetics in all the world. In fact, Jesus would say in John 13, after he had washed their feet, he says, a new commandment I've given to you, that you love one another. How? In the same way that I loved you. Sacrificial, other-centered, costly. By this, that kind of love, the world will know that the Father sent me. Well, let's get down to brass tacks and talk about how do you live life in community? Okay, step number one, go into training daily to develop a servant's attitude in every relational environment, okay?
Here's what I want you to know. This isn't something like, oh, I'm just going to get in a group, and we're all going to share deeply, and it's going to happen overnight. This begins with you, and this begins with me, always first with a mindset. The mindset is that have this attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus. Well, what was his attitude? He considered others more important than himself. If you want to have great community, it starts with a mindset and identity. And by the way, this is hard. Don't get me wrong.
You have to have the Spirit of God living in you for this to really work. But here's the mindset. I am second. I am second. I am second in my marriage. I am second in this group.
I am second at work. I'm going to be thinking about where are the needs and what's going on. Now, we all have a role.
We all have needs. I'm not saying that you become a doormat, but what I'm saying is most of our mentality, even when we disguise it well as Christians, is life is really about me and my needs and my desires. And we've learned some pretty sophisticated games. I play them and you play them to appear loving, to appear caring, to do things that are kind, but they don't cost as much.
Authentic community begins with going into training. I've written on cards, Chip, I want you today to view other people the way Jesus views them, not by their outward appearance, not by what they have or what they've accomplished, but see them as God sees them. Man looks on the outward appearance, the Lord weighs the heart. And I read and read it and read it until little by little, I started making progress of looking at someone really rich in the Porsche that pulls up next to me. And instead of going, boy, I bet that guy's a rich jerk. Not that any of you would ever think a thought like that or then a Volkswagen van and a guy all tatted up and Rastafarian hair and, you know, smoking a little weed in between the light changing and thinking, you know, that guy's out to lunch. I just began to make up stories. I bet the Lord has really blessed that guy and he's probably one of the most generous Christians. And one of the things he really likes is a sports car.
Lord, would you bless him today? And, you know, I had some experiences with people that I thought were really crazy and weird looking. And I remember thinking, Lord, you know something? Wow, I don't know what's going on in that guy's life, but what I know is you love him and he's made in your image. And so he dresses differently than me. He's probably looking at me and thinking, you're one of those kind of preppy pastor looking people. And I just started doing that so that I didn't judge people.
I didn't put them in a category. Community begins where we stop looking at people on the outside and asking what can I get from them or how can I impress them and ask what are the needs in their life, not just the superficial ones, but the heart needs, the relational needs, and how could you be an instrument and how could I be an instrument to take the love of Christ and the compassion of Christ and the mercy of Christ to lean in and help them. The second thing we need to do is you need to start or join a small group that is serious about practicing the one another commands in the New Testament. So some of you are maybe in a group, but there's a lot of groups that, right, you might watch a little video or you say you're going to do a study and it's still pretty superficial. You need to either start or be in some sort of smaller group where people are serious to say, you know, these one another commands in the New Testament, we want to live these out. If you're not familiar with them, I've put them in my notes and there's a passage next to each one, but I'll just rattle them off. So what I want you to do is think about your life, your current relationships, whether you're in a group or not in a group or even family relationships, church, I just want you to think of, do I practice these?
Am I getting to receive these? We're commanded to be devoted to one another in mutual love, to accept one another, to be kind and compassionate to one another, to forgive one another, to admonish one another, to live in harmony with one another, to bear one another's burdens, to spur one another on to love and good works and to love one another. I mean, what I can tell you is that can't happen in just a program or a big room. As important as hearing God's word and worshiping and corporate worship is, that's not authentic community. That's an important part of our walk with God of learning about him and growing and being connected and expressing our praise.
But you've got to have some people that really know you. Recently, I've been in sort of a transition. For years, I was a senior pastor, and with that broad structure, I had the elders in my home every month, and we would have a meal together, them and their wives, and there was no agenda. We talked about kids, grandkids, life, whatever, and we were just a big family, a big, big long table and all of us.
And it was an hour, hour and a half, just a casual meal. And then I would take the guys, and I would go into the kitchen, and my wife would take the ladies, and they would go into the living room. And I'm not sure what they did, except they never wanted to leave, and they prayed and shared. And I got with these group of men, about six or seven other men, and once a month, I mean, it was like, we want to be Romans 12 Christians. So guys, how are you really doing in your life being surrendered? Or how are you doing separate from the world's values?
Or what's your biggest struggle right now? Share with me something where God is speaking to you right now from Scripture. And I mean, it was raw. It was real. I wasn't Chip the pastor. I was just Chip, a fellow brother with six or seven men that loved me. And I mean, we heard about, I mean, painful things and difficult things and things that were in some of our past. And I can tell you is that we wanted to be the kind of small group that we wanted every single person in the church to get to experience. Because I know you can't impart what you don't possess. So I wanted to make sure that we experienced that.
But that was so rich and it was so good. And then God called me to be full time at Living on the Edge. And that meant that those elders weren't coming to my house.
And so the structure was gone. You know, I have good relationships at work and I have a couple of good buddies here. And I've got some board members that Living on the Edge that were so close, but a lot of it's on Zoom. And I have to tell you, I got to the point where I just looked at my wife and said, I'm preaching about authentic community.
And I don't have it. I mean, I'm glad I've got good relationships. And, you know, I can do a one on one with this guy or I play golf with this one board member who's godly and we share what's going on.
So I've got it in pieces. I got to the point, I literally went to church and I just started looking around. And there's one guy kind of knew. I said, are you in a group with anybody?
All guys in their 40s. And he goes, no. I said, you want to be in a discipleship group with me? And Guy said, I'll pray about it.
Yeah. And so I asked another guy. Then I asked another guy. Pretty soon we tried to get them together and their schedules are nuts, like your schedule.
I mean, nuts. So finally it was, OK, 6 a.m. Monday mornings, let's meet. And so we met. We decided that we would study Romans 12, since I already know that chapter. And then I said, hey, guys, you may think that this is sort of like I want to disciple you all.
OK, that's not it. I want to learn. Can I tell you guys something? I really need you. Guys, I just got to tell you, I need a place where I can just be Chip and I can be in the scriptures and we can do life together. And I have to tell you, it has brought life to my soul.
There's no substitute for it. I can't admonish one another. I can't be devoted to one another.
I can't open my heart and share my challenges unless I have people in my life like that. And that is God's major design for each and every one of us. And so I want to do a little test. OK, I'm going to do something that's this. Are you ready?
This is mildly threatening. But when I think of the most concise, practical picture of authentic community, I think of Romans 12, verses 9 through 13. And it's really a picture of authentic community. And as you study it carefully, it basically boils down to the real you shows up and you meet real needs and you meet him for the right reason.
And you do it with the right resources. So what I want to do, I just want to read this only four little verses. I'm going to read those verses and I just want to ask you a question about each one, because here's my heart's desire. If you're not experiencing authentic community, biblical community, you're not experiencing the love God wants to give you and you're not giving the love that other people need. So let me go ahead and read Romans 12, verses 9 through 13. Listen carefully.
Let love be without hypocrisy, abhor what is evil, cling to what is good, be devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor, not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and Chip will be back in just a minute to finish today's talk. But quickly, this program is supported by the generosity of listeners like you. And right now, during our year-end match, it's a great time to partner with us. Between now and December 31st, every gift we receive will be doubled dollar for dollar.
You can give today by going to livingontheedge.org or by calling 888-333-6003. Well, with that, here again is Chip to continue his message. Now, lean back and let me just ask you a question that flows out of this short passage in Romans 12, verses 9 through 13. Are you ready? Question number one, is the real me showing up in my relationships or a projection of what I want others to think?
How about you? In other words, are you authentic and are you pure? Question number two, am I meeting real needs in people's lives or only superficial ones? In other words, am I really devoted to others, and do I put others first?
These are penetrating, aren't they? Third question is, am I doing kind acts for Jesus or to please people and gain the approval of others? So in your relationships, so what are your motives? And are you passionate about caring about people or kind of passive? Then the final question is, am I serving others in my strength or in the power of the Holy Spirit? So do I have an upward focus? In the midst of it all, I'm rejoicing in hope, devoted to prayer, drawing from God to give to others.
Or do I have an inward focus? I'm burned out. I'm overwhelmed. I keep giving myself away.
And if you give yourself away out of your strength and your resources, you will be overwhelmed. I don't ask those questions. I know they're penetrating and some of the answers are probably like, oh, Chip, I wish I would have not had this time with you.
Those were so painful. But here's what I want you to know. I only ask those questions because they reveal how much you and I get distracted, how deep in your soul and my soul we can find ourselves isolated and lonely. It doesn't mean we're not going to church. It doesn't mean we're not even in a group here or there. It doesn't mean we're not kind of reading the Bible some and praying on the run. That's not the Christian life and that's not the kind of follower of Jesus that transforms the world. We can't do this life alone.
I can't and you can't. All the commands in the New Testament are in what's called the second person plural. It's kind of the way the Texans talk. You know, if it's an individual that says, hey, can you come over here? And if there's a group that says, hey, you all come over here. You all be devoted to one another. You all love one another. You all live in harmony. You all be concerned for each other. You all bear one another's burdens. Real, authentic community is costly.
Wow, it's costly. It requires a radical commitment to make time to meet regularly and to go deep. The only reason we started at six o'clock Monday morning is because I couldn't get a time anywhere in their schedule or mine where we could get together. And that means those guys are getting up at four thirty or five to get ready for work and other things and then be right here in this office at six a.m. It demands new levels of honesty. It means you've got to start getting more real with people and sharing who you really are.
And by the way, the process is messy. Relationships are hurtful. When you start breaking down barriers and sharing some authenticity, you're going to have some people that, guess what, they won't take it well.
They may use what you share or you've already had this happen and you're thinking, man, I'm not going to be vulnerable anymore. There's always risk in deep relationships, but the rewards are always greater. But it is messy. It is hard. People will make mistakes.
You'll make mistakes. You have to learn to give grace and to receive grace. But I will tell you, the payoff for community is rich. It is life giving. It is powerful.
It is an amazing testimony. And here's the deal. When you live a life and you get up and you know that, to use an old phrase, this person and this person, that person, they have my back. They're for me. And it doesn't matter if my job changes. It doesn't matter what other people think. They love me for me.
And are you ready? They really know me because I've been honest with them. We're in this together and I really know them.
When you experience that, I will tell you what, you will see God do things in your life and through your life that will absolutely amaze you. The world is filled with very desperate, lonely people, about 61% of them. Six out of 10 people that you walk by each and every day feel isolated and lonely.
They may be connected on a device. They may look awesome on Instagram. But they might be just literally having their soul shrivel up. You can invite them into your world. You can make a difference. You can model what Jesus modeled with the disciples. You can be in community each and every week receiving life and giving life. So let me ask you, what's your next baby step for you to get into community? I mean, the real thing.
And here's the harder question. What do you need to stop in order to create the margin and the time for you to have the kind of relationships that require time and space and unhurried relationships? And unhurried rhythm?
I would say more than anything else, stopping some of the activity, stopping some of the stuff, stopping where you feel the pressure that your kids have got to be in this and that and this and that and this and that. People's weekends are just filled with such activity, but so little meaningful, deep connection. So let me ask you, who would you like to go deeper with? When you think of a fellow believer and you think, you know, I'd really like to get to know her or him or, you know, that couple.
Wouldn't it be great? Here's a place to start. Why don't you just share a meal together?
And in that meal, nothing heavy. Just say, you know, I listened to or I watched a video and it was about being in community. And here's some thoughts.
What do you think about that and see if God doesn't begin to burst some relationships that allow you to experience life that's really life. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And the message you just heard, practice number two, Do Life in Community, is from our series BIO. Three Essential Practices to Becoming More Like Jesus.
Chip will join us in studio to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute. It's been said that the 21st century church is thousands of miles wide, but only an inch deep, meaning many people identify as Christians, but few truly live out a life that honors God. In this new series, Chip takes us on a journey through the gospels, revealing the profile of an authentic follower of Christ. Together, we'll explore the discipleship path Jesus modeled while on earth, built around three simple yet powerful practices that will help us live out our faith.
You're not going to want to miss a single program of this meaningful series. I'm joined now by our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram. And Chip, you know, there are a lot of issues and demands facing the body of Christ right now. But if you could step back and look at churches globally, what would you say is the most pressing need?
That is easy, Dave. The most pressing need. I mean, it just came out from the fourth Luzon Conference. It's the most extensive research that's ever been done in countries all across the world and, of course, here in America. It's discipleship. And the key behind discipleship is training and equipping pastors to make disciples, not just get people to come to a weekend service or to get involved in a program or to become a little bit more religious. It's helping Christians live like Christians. That's my definition of discipleship. And the primary way that that gets solved is when pastors and leaders get equipped. As we help pastors here in America and all across the globe, only 14 percent of them say, I am confident that I'm good at making disciples.
Now think of that. Only 14 percent of pastors feel like I know how to disciple people. And as we've met with literally hundreds of thousands of pastors here and around the world, what I can tell you is no one discipled them. They may have been to Bible school, but very rarely. Often they have no theological training.
Here's what they have. They love God. They care about people.
And whatever they saw done growing up, they're doing. So we have had the privilege to follow Ephesians Chapter 4 and help pastors equip God's people to do the work of the ministry. We have introduced Romans 12 around the globe. We've helped them in crisis through the art of survival. And now we're helping them with a process to help every believer in their church learn to come before God, to do life in community, and be on mission 24-7. When you equip a pastor and you help him or her, you change the life of a whole church and then a whole community. Right now, we need your help to train pastors here and around the world. And every dollar that you give up to December 31 is doubled dollar for dollar. If we want to see long-term change, we have to go upstream and help the very people that are called to make disciples in the local church. Thank you for doing whatever the Lord leads.
Thanks, Chip. And if you believe God is calling you to encourage and support pastors with us, now is a great time to become a financial partner. As Chip said, from now until December 31, every gift we receive will be matched dollar for dollar. So to be part of our year-end match, call us at 888-333-6003 or go to livingontheedge.org.
That's livingontheedge.org or call 888-333-6003. Atlas Nurse Tap Donate. Well, Chip, let's get to that application we promised. Thanks, Dave. As we wrap up today's program, I want to talk about some of those one-another commands that I laid out.
I went through them pretty quickly. And here's my goal. Somehow, we got thinking that being a Christian was going to a church service, listening to someone else talk, possibly singing a few songs, and from our heart, and then walking out, getting in our cars, and leaving, and realizing that we didn't deeply connect with anyone. Biblical Christianity has authentic community at the heart of it. And the kind of relationships that it demands, it's not just the container of a small group.
It's at a level and a depth that only can happen when these kind of things are happening. And so I want you just to listen and ask yourself, where and how might I receive these? And where and how might I give these? To be a follower of Jesus means to be devoted to one another in mutual love, to accept one another, to serve one another in love, to be kind and compassionate to one another, to forgive one another, to forbear and put up with one another, to admonish one another, to live in harmony with one another, to bear one another's burdens, to spur one another on to love and to good deeds.
Let me ask you, even as I read those, where did the Spirit of God spark? A person came to mind, or that's a need in my life. And how could you step out today? Begin with a text, begin with a call to encourage and give away one of the one anothers and allow authentic community begin to develop and grow and make a difference in someone else's life. And as a result, make a difference in you as well. Go act on that today.
You'll never regret it. Thanks, Chip. And before we go, the points he just reviewed come right from his message notes, a great resource to help you get the most out of every program. You'll get Chip's outline, the scripture he references, and lots of fill-ins to help you remember what you hear. So before you listen again, let me encourage you to download Chip's message notes at livingontheedge.org under the broadcasts tab, app listeners tap fill in notes. Well, until next time, this is Dave Druey saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge.
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