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Real Love in Real Life - The Secret to Real Romance, Part 1

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram
The Truth Network Radio
February 17, 2022 5:00 am

Real Love in Real Life - The Secret to Real Romance, Part 1

Living on the Edge / Chip Ingram

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February 17, 2022 5:00 am

What would you think of an inventor who designed a model that failed, but instead of fixing the design, he just kept building the same model over and over? Well, that’s the way a lot of people are living their love life these days and they can’t figure out why they keep crashing and burning. Chip explains that there’s a model for the secret to real romance that really works!

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You know every romantic movie or fairytale ends the same way and they lived happily ever after, but as many of us know from experience that's not how real relationships end up. So here's the question how do we find real love in a relationship that's today's date with. Thanks for listening to this edition of living only with living on the additional discipleship history start helping Christians. I'm sure there are many of you not feel the culture over legal matters spells, but in real life. We've all experienced it just a miniature continues a series real love in real life by breaking down the unhealthy expectation society is placed on ventures God's formula for a lifelong relationship.

Be sure to stick around after teaching structures some additional insight into what he's learned. It points us to a helpful resource. If you have a Bible open it now to Ephesians chapter 5. Let's join Chip for his talk. The secret to real romance, love, sex, and lasting relationships. You know we are all we just are made and wired and long to be love and to give love a we are made and designed by the creator of the universe to have spiritual, emotional and connection physically with the person of the opposite sex that does something in our soul and our heart and we are longing for that experience to not fade not end in divorce, but the last your whole life and the question is if you're single. How do you find that right person right if you're married, how do you keep that kind of love alive. If you're widowed or a widower.

How do you avoid that pitfall of wind to move forward and because of the great need in the hurt in the hole in your soul of getting connected to early in some way with someone that usually ends up in a disaster, why is it there so many relationships, but most of the men just don't turn out very well mean over half of all Americans to work where I want to start is with something I think is pretty basic is what's the secret to a lasting relationship. I mean let's face it, there's some people that love each other. It's rare I mean you know you can see them at all different stages in decades. In man they are in love and there's something to what they know that a lot of the stone and when they do suggest is there's two basic models out there that were going to look at Hollywood's model is one and God's model or God's prescription to enhance your love life is the other things I want to look at Hollywood's model and then a look at God's model and maybe we can learn some things. Imagine if you will get this small little tube is filled with multiple silicon tiny little chips that can take information and then you can turn it this way, and it can synthesize it through an algorithm to take all that information to come up with the basics of what's inside. So what, hypothetically, I put inside of here is the last 40 years of movies the last 40 years of all television shows the last 40 years of all self-help books the last 40 years of all romance novels. The last 15 or 20 years of reality shows and anything that's been written about love, sex and relationships and then when I take this and I say okay. Of all the movies we've seen the magazines. The books the world that we've grown up, and if I could shoot that out through some sort of algorithm to say is there a step-by-step process to find the right person to be in love and have this great awesome relationship with amazing sex. What would it be Hollywood would say this number one you need to find the right person right. We all grew up there someone out there for you. You need to find him. Where are they a wonder when and how we need cancel what were told in each one of those movies and in the songs we sang and in the Netflix that we watches there someone out there but you got to attract them know what, if you can find them. It's, like, you need to be honey so that these will come for you and what Hollywood says is there is a way that you'd attract people and what they say is that need to be really good date you need to look a certain way. You need to dress a certain way. You need to drive a certain car you need to be sorta hipper coordinator. Whatever word you want to use and then there's a theme that's very, very physical in how you attract the opposite sex. In fact, I did something to take you on a quick little journey. This is very I just went to the typical drug store and went to the magazine rack, and I thought I'm going to do some very anecdotal nonscientific research and I'm just in a take 10 magazines and say, is there any theme about who I'm supposed to be to attract the opposite sex.

And so I like to invite you to join me on my research so I started off kind of mild let's focus on our self so self magazines that I can burn fat faster and as I go through the see if you can see some words or themes that developed and then I can tone and tighten don't have to go to the gym to do it in here something sporty sex. How many calories can you actually burn.

I didn't realize that was part of the diet program but I can see where it would sell a magazine.

So I go beyond simply myself because I want to be glamorous because of unglamorous for glamour attract other people and a very attractive young woman here will tell me 65 ways to play up your body. So apparently how my body looks is really important that I like this.

It's ladies you don't just need to look good with makeup.

You need to look good after you've been arrested been to the gym. Got little tan in this magazine how to look ridiculously good on zero sleep. The expectations are getting too high.

Are they just in case you got a wonder you know you're wondering that man and how do men really think in this edition, 1001 men answer your questions ladies this is what you can find out how to be good date about sex, about your body about babies about falling in love and falling out of love. Well, you know, to fitness world. It's a diet world. We all know that we want to be in good shape so I thought shake magazine would be a good one. And so what does this tell us well you can drop 7 pounds in two days. Amen. Right. And it's the better sex workout I'm catching a theme out about you, then there might be a theme emerging here here's here's a look at the very bottom one week +4 moves equals your new hot body is that like amazing you don't have the diet don't go to the gym just in one week. Are you beginning to realize you have been inundated by every form of media to say how you look is the key to attracting the opposite sex and sex is the ultimate goal of every relationship. That's what it says, well let's get on a little more you know focus toward health and so women's health how to get healthy flat abs that that's how cold it not only flat, flat abs, but more sex, better sex up the action in the satisfaction you know what, it's not like I I I pulled these from years I just went to the drugstore yesterday. All right, this is just a for real now here here's the moment though things are changing. It used to be that there was an expectation. If you're in your 20s in your 30s and you know hardbody all the rest, but we used at least think that like you know, 20, 30 years later. 40 is the new 20 so if you're not married.

If you're 40 and you don't look like her. You have a problem and here's the thing. If that message keeps gone. Your husband looks at you and looks at her and says you not maybe so, what's, what's the deal or flip it around and you look at him and say you know he didn't have that. When we got her.

He didn't know well, guys, let's not let the women take all of it. This is the bachelor and so distant average formal looking guy for my opinion actually write guys, looks like us little stubble hardbody but not now. Think of this that this show has so many followers have 17 women all who happen to be gorgeous who want to line up the don't know anything about them. But one of Miriam what's he like have no idea. I just want you on the show, but he found out three of them have dark past that want to take him down. This is men's health, and this is a most unusual men's health of ever seen. I do this research when I walk out of the grocery store.

By the way, often, and usually the men's health has a guy with the shirt off. Ladies, probably 20 notice, but he has assured off and he doesn't have a sixpack he doesn't have an eight pack you got like, well now you do understand that he's been working out for years. This is his full-time job. He takes creatine and probably little steroids here.

There is not play in the NFL and he looks and what he says to me is chip you can burn flat abs 24 seven.

The new all Spartan workout okay and muscle secrets from the real fight club guys you get to that gym, your wife's can or cannot marry or if you're looking the whole key is for some of you thinking I'm too late for the gym.

Maybe it's in close the more sophisticated in this detailed magazine build a perfect wardrobe. The eight pieces every stylish man should own.

See if you get a shirt like this, I can tell where this came from humming the women running in Starbucks unbelievable using that suit. But that's not enough.

If you can afford the wardrobe underneath of it.

The haircut of the moment guys cheat to get not really all that cheap except for some you have this haircut. She goes I think I'm in love. Were having a bit of fun and we laugh because it's in the air. It's in the water. It's in the movies. It's in the songs and we all care about what we look like and we all have these private thoughts we wish we looked a lot better and we all have now been inundated with a culture and it's in the air and water that says if you don't look like that you don't measure up in worse we can get diluted and thinking we can't do. But the person that were married to doesn't work and feel like if I don't look like one of these people I'm single on never get ever get married and you know what, here's a thing is the expectations are now so false and so unrealistic. This message destines you to fail every relationship. It destines you to try and become something you're not destines you to compare inside your relationship where any flaw now is up against these 1% of the gene pool and all of the world who have private chefs work out four hours a day and have unlimited expenses on wardrobes and then they do the shoots and a touch of the shoot. Afterwards and it gets worse, because it never ends. The last one is the most sad for me.

I don't know about you ladies but if you don't look like this is 60. There's a big problem and so now it's not like you can't even grow old.

There is no room for sags or lags, or anything else, and what I want you to know is it Hollywood's formula is find the right person and that's the way and then when you find them, you fall in love right coming in all the movies you just fall in love you. You the picture is you know you driving your car and you stop your car and it's a red light and you look over and she looks over you look again. She looks again in your eyes meet. Electricity starts at the top of your head. You begin to shake almost uncontrollably inside your car. She has a Volkswagen, you have the Volkswagen literature love.

She pulls off and want to follow or sometimes a little less dramatic.

It is walking in a coffee shop notice or she notices you, you go to refills at exactly the same time you brush one another. Magic just pours down upon both of you have got I got to know his name. You go back having not done any more than that, hoping that the same day at the same time. At the same coffee shop he or she will be there for you return home to say to your roommate. Your IQ drops 30 points. You start acting in ways that are ridiculous spending money you don't have dressing up as good as good as what he thinks you are my new outfit wife I'm going to the coffee shop like to me and I've never met, but I don't know his name but I know nothing about that. I think in love with, not you. Is that not Hollywood's formula you believe that a lot. I believe that a lot.

The third step in Hollywood's formula is once you find that person, and once you have this mystical infatuated experience.

It will literally talk about later because there's a chemical reaction that happens when were infatuated and God designed us that way and it's a it's a good part of the relationship.

We just need to understand what part then you fix your hopes and dreams on this person and what you do is that so all the songs I can't live without you.

In fact, what you find it when you fall in love.

If loving you is wrong I don't want to be.

How did you know those words, your amazing over and over and over and over. And then when you fix your help on this person and probably most everyone's been there and then there's the break up your life. You can't eat. You can sleep you can't drink. Life is meaningless.

You put on weight, you drink too much.

You do all kind of things because what was going to make your life work is gone.

And if you don't believe it.

Ask all the pretty people who make all the movies who are the most beautiful with the most money who seem to not be able to stay together for more than a few months or a few years and then finally when failure occurs, you repeat steps 1 to 3 and it goes like this in America goes like this. We fallen out of love. I guess it just wasn't the right person. What was good for a few years and she was that when I was that way but we've grown apart all these euphemisms, the belief system. Is there someone out there, and therefore once you break up you go back to the gym everything. How many 40-50 or in the gym right now you get a new wardrobe. You get a new car and you play the same game, except the next time the chance of failure goes up to 75% not 50%. This is the mantra that you have been sold. The destines you for dissatisfaction or to never find the right person, or to have heartbreak. The God never intended the results are.

The success rate of Hollywood's formula is since 1960.

The divorce rate is double about 41 to 43% of people are divorced now but since we don't count those who cohabitate in them break apart. A good round figure is about 50% over half of all divorces happen in the first 10 years, usually between year three, and six is the most devastating time because reality hits in some young kids come.

People don't endure the pain, the fallout is really beyond what we often think, despite all the words and talkshows of it was an amiable divorce were still friends.

It was just a mistake. The research indicates that the pain fallout and damage to the children to the economics half of all women who go through divorce. Elizabeth low the poverty level or just the fractured relationship and the pain is the tip of the iceberg and that our problems in the tragedy of divorce follows us into adulthood. When the most interesting studies I've ever read was the children of the worst 25 years later, a landmark study to attract kids from broken homes longitudinally track them for over 25 years to find out what happens to kids not now all their resilient everything's gonna be okay.

Wallerstein is the founder of the Center for families in transition when a nation nation's leading expert on divorce and her book the unexpected legacy of divorce 25 years later landmark study.

She gives an example Karen was 36 when she detailed to Wallerstein. The long shadow cast by her parents divorce like so many other children of Doris James had embarked on a search for lasting love, yet was so deeply anxious that she was unable to trust others a fear of abandonment Proclaim to string of unsuitable and troubled partners. I mean it would be too embarrassing to ask you to raise your hand of how many in this room have been down that road were have a sister or brother what your kids that you said Yep that's what happened to goes on to say by the time the children of divorce, reach their 30s, she found only half of them were doing well personally.

Interestingly, it seemed that it had absolutely no impact on their work life, we substitute we compensate. Here's all I want you to hear very clearly Hollywood's formula is all that we've heard you don't even have to try and not believe it or believe it. Every time you wake up and watch a commercial read a book glance in the magazine, watch a movie. This is the mantra behind and if you don't understand that you were being hoodwinked, seduced, use your full because it doesn't join the assurance to this application.

You've been listening to the first part of his message.

The secret to real-world series real love in real life have ever wondered what real genuine love looks like what it means to be in love will in this five-part series trip tackles these tough questions and helps us understand the depths of God's love for us. Trip also reveals what causes failure and dysfunction in relationships and how we cannot only find real love but grow it. Keep it and make it last a lifetime. You're not going to miss a single part of the series.

Learn more about real love in real life and are many resources by going to or by calling us at AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003, or hapless nurse tab special offers before we continue. Here's trip to talk about something that's really close to his heart and were living the time were circumstances are super super hard.

In fact, he can be downright traumatic at times.

So how do you endure in face, seemingly impossible situations like that, here's what I want to tell you, God has spoken in these times are new in James chapter 1 he provides a blueprint for us is called the art of survival and in our new daily discipleship with chip I needed teach you from James chapter 1 how you can survive and learn to thrive even in the midst of the most difficult circumstances. Let me tell you how it works. Each day I'm going to meet with you one-on-one for 10 days. We can discover what James chapter 1 teaches about the art of survival and life's trials will start her time together where I will literally get a couple coffee open my Bible and I'll talk directly with you one-on-one and will walk through how to study the Bible, you'll learn to study the Scriptures for yourself in a way where you hear God's voice and have God speak in such a way that gives you the strength to make it through life's hardest and most difficult times.

So here's the challenge spend 10 days 10 minutes a day with me 10 minutes on your own and then let me encourage you invite 10 people to join you, let's be difference makers. Let's learn the art of survival in the age of chaos. You know those early disciples turned the world upside down and that's God's plan for you and me.

Won't you join me, but strip will were so excited to share with you our new daily discipleship with chip. The art of survival based in James chapter 1 through this free video series will discover how to handle circumstances out of our control guard our attitude against discouragement and trust God in his provision.

If you're ready to learn the art of surviving in these challenging times and preregister today to take the daily discipleship with chip challenge and when you sign up will send you a new leather bound prayer journal is our gift to you to take this free 10 day daily discipleship challenge go to or call AAA 333-6003 that's AAA 333-6003 or go to hapless nurse top discipleship as we wrap up today's program. Hollywood's model or, what the culture has taught us from literally almost every book, every song every Hallmark movie is find the right person number one to fall in love three fixture hopes and dreams on this person and then if all else fails, repeat the cycle over and over again and what I can tell you both from personal experience in pastoring for over 30 years. Countless people have followed that pattern only to be disappointed and heartbroken again and again. You know maybe that you and as I meet and talk with people so often they're coming out of a relationship board that's been the pattern. The real issue is knowing the difference between love and what's called infatuation and we've got a resource that I found super helpful. There's a chapter in the book, love, sex, and lasting relationships on how to know if you're in love and what we've done is we taken a test out of that chapter the can go online 13 questions to know is this real love or is this just that kind of infatuation those emotions to spark the chemistry that you know we have and can have with multiple people, but real love is about one person. It's deep and it's real and it lasts. So let me encourage you to go to the website that's and download that resource and just get a clear picture of the difference between love and infatuation in our next broadcast were going to talk about how God has designed relationships to actually work and if Hollywood's model doesn't work, what's God's model you don't want to miss it define the resource trip just mentioned. Go to special or on the chip and remap today's culture is inundated with so many ideas on what it means to be in love. The problem is there nearly all wrong this test.

How to know if you are in love will help you identify what genuine love looks like and what's just emotions. Download this free resource today or pass it along to a friend join us next time is to continue to series real love in real life. Until then, this is Dave saying thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge

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