The Word on Words

There may be many areas of your life where you need help living wisely. One of the most important is probably your tongue. One of Solomon's favorite subjects in his collection of Proverbs is the tongue. He refers to a proud tongue, a lying tongue, a perverse tongue, an angry tongue, an encouraging tongue, a seductive tongue, a deceitful tongue, a soothing.

tongue, an instructive tongue, a flattering tongue, a guarded tongue, a crass tongue. Listen, God has a lot to say about what we say. Every day the average person speaks 50,000 words.

That's enough to fill a small book. But how much of what you say truly matters. The Bible tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue. Your words offer life, giving counsel, healing, comfort, and encouragement.

Or they can cause destruction and division. What kind of words are you sowing into the lives of others? Today, you'll learn practical wisdom from Proverbs about how to use your speech to glorify God and build up others.

Here's Stephen Davey. One of the better known jingles in the world of communications today is, I heard it through the what? The grapevine.

Which is odd because if you place the end of a grapevine up to your ear, you wouldn't hear anything, right? Well, in order to understand that lyric, you've got to go back in American history when the abolition of slavery was beginning to pick up a momentum, a time when groups of runaway slaves from the south were making their way north along the Underground Railroad, which was simply a reference to safe houses along the way that would hide the runaway slaves and feed them and care for them and help them on to the next safe location, where travel back to the time when Cincinnati was a key location where runaway slaves would slip across the Ohio River in their flight to freedom. One of the ways sympathetic people communicated with these slaves along the Underground Railroad was through the use of laundry strategically hung outdoors on the line. One selection of clothing would communicate that it was unsafe to travel in that area, to stay hidden.

Another selection of clothing meant that it was now safe to move through the area, even identifying safe houses where food and rest could be found. Since rope was expensive, grapevines were often substituted and this primitive system of communication actually became known as the grapevine telegraph. Eventually the word telegraph was dropped and people simply referred to the grapevine. We use the word grapevine today though, don't we?

We use it to refer to hearing the latest news, the newest bit of gossip, the latest tale. Solomon wrote to those who will join him in this quest for wisdom, which is this hidden treasure of insight and discernment and maturity and grace. He writes, life and death are in the power of the tongue, not the hand, not the knife or the sword, but the tongue.

People today are not emancipated by the grapevine, they are often imprisoned instead. I have read that the average person has 700 opportunities to speak every day. The average person will speak some 12,000 sentences.

Husbands, perhaps that's why when you come home you find your wife wanting to talk. You've been talking to clients all day and she still has 10,000 sentences that are unused. And she spent all day chasing around a one-year-old around the house and none of her sentences were complete, so they didn't count. The truth remains, we speak about 50,000 words a day. Imagine that, 50,000 words.

That's the size of a small book. I wonder how much of what we say would be worth writing down or even further, worth reading. One of the most significant subjects to study in our quest for hidden treasure is the subject of our speech. One of Solomon's favorite subjects in his collection of Proverbs is the tongue. He refers to a proud tongue, a lying tongue, a perverse tongue, an angry tongue, an encouraging tongue, a crafty tongue, a seductive tongue, a deceitful tongue, a soothing tongue, an instructive tongue, a flattering tongue, a guarded tongue, a quiet tongue, a crass tongue.

Listen, God has a lot to say about what we say for the sake of tackling such an expansive subject. I want to divide our study today into two sections. The first is positive.

The second is negative. The first has to do with how our words can help. The second, how our words can hurt. First, how words can help.

Let me give you the principle first. For starters, Solomon informs us, number one, that our words can provide good counsel. He writes in Proverbs chapter 27 verse 9. Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. In other words, the counsel of a companion is unparalleled in the life of someone. That's why we're to guard who we allow to counsel us. A godly friend, a teammate, a spouse, a co-worker, a fellow student can impact you tremendously through their words.

It can affect you. Paul wrote to the Colossians, let the word of Christ richly dwell within you and with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another, how? With psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God, Colossians 3 16. We literally reiterate through the lyrics the truths that will help one another and we speak them as we're around one another today, teaching, admonishing.

So the question should be asked then, did that conversation that I just had, did it leave them more thankful to God, which was Paul's intention, or less thankful? One author made the interesting comment that our daily conversations are actually mutual counseling sessions, whereby we exchange the reassurances and advice that helps us deal with the routine challenges of life. It's a great way for the believer to view his conversations as a mutual counseling session for the betterment of both parties. Not only do words counsel, they can also confront. Secondly, with this comes the idea of correction, not just the advice of a friend, but the accountability of a friend. Solomon wrote earlier in Proverbs 17 verse 10, a rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding than a hundred blows into a fool. In other words, you challenge a wise believer that what they are doing or saying or how they are living is missing the mark of holy living or quiet surrender in some way or another, and they will deeply consider your words. Your confrontation will get their attention for the good. In fact, we use the expression to this day, a word to the wise is what?

Sufficient. It comes from the implication of this proverb and others. A wise person will listen and learn from his mistakes. He will accept the word of admonition, but not so a fool.

Solomon writes in this text, even if he is beaten black and blue with a hundred strokes of the rod, he will go right back to his activity and his folly. Thirdly, your words can counsel and confront, but they can also comfort. In Proverbs 25 verse 11, the Bible says like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. And I would agree with Charles Bridges who wrote in the mid-1800s, he says that, and I would agree this is literal fruit. Golden apples served on silver trays, good words and the right timing.

And how refreshing then are those words? They're like ripe fruit. They are served in the finest way possible. They satisfy both hunger and thirst at the same time.

They are entirely nourishing. Number four, words not only counsel and confront and comfort, but they also along the same line cheer. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 15 verse 4, a soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. There is power in words of cheer.

Can it really make a difference? It's most likely you will play your best game when fans are cheering you on. That's why home field is synonymous with the word advantage. You know, as I studied this text in that thought, it occurred to me that all of the believers' battles are away games, far from home. The world cheers on the other side.

They want to see you defeated, discouraged, despairing. All our contests are away games. The only time you'll hear any encouragement for the most part is when you're in the huddle at an away game, right? When you gather together with your teammates, that's when you hear it. So here we are. This is the huddle. This is when we pull away.

We're fighting those away games. We come in here, and that's why the writer of Hebrews said, make sure you encourage one another when you assemble as you see the day approaching. What day is that?

The day the contest is over. This is the power of encouraging words. One author wrote about entering what was called a half-iron man triathlon. He was a pastor who just wanted to have this accomplishment in his bag. He writes, after the 1.2-mile swim and the 56-mile bike ride, I hardly had energy left for the 13.1-mile run.

Neither did the fellow jogging next to me. I asked him how he was doing and soon regretted it. He said, man, this stinks.

This race is the dumbest decision I've ever made in my life. I knew if I listened too long, I'd start agreeing with him. So I sped up. I eventually caught up with a grandmother 66 years of age.

Her tone was just the opposite. She said to me, wow, it's hot, but at least it's not raining. And don't forget to hydrate. You'll finish the race. She encouraged me.

I ran next to her until I couldn't keep up any longer. I wonder which runner represents me, which runner represents you, as we jog alongside one another in this contest. It's reflected in our words. Your words, counsel, confront, comfort, cheer.

Finally, number five, they construct. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians, if I can go outside Proverbs for just a moment or two. Build one another up just as you also are doing, 1 Thessalonians 5.11. He wrote further in verse 14. We urge you, brethren, I literally beg you, you and the assembly, encourage the faint-hearted and strengthen the weak.

Teach, strengthen, build up. Solomon put it this way, the lips of the righteous feed many. Your words feed many, Proverbs 10.21. In chapter 15, verse 7, he writes, the lips of the wise spread knowledge. This is the edifying, the building, the strengthening effects of words provided by the wise that construct and counsel and confront and comfort and cheer.

What are you hanging out on the grapevine? Does it lead to safety or sorrow? Words can help, but words can also hinder. Solomon provides insight into several ways that words can hurt.

Number one, first, words can deceive. One of my commentary friends pointed up what he called the primeval sins. That is, these are the sins that we see evidenced in Satan's nature early on. Pride and that he coveted the throne of God, Isaiah 14, 12 to 17, and lying. In fact, his first recorded words in human history was a lie, right? To Eve, if you eat this, you will be as wise as God.

That was a lie. Solomon, it's no surprise then that he records in Proverbs chapter 6 that God literally despises seven things. He hates seven activities and right in the middle are pride and lying, what we do with our words.

We evidence pride in our behavior, certainly the way we talk, and we evidence lying in the way we speak. And no wonder Solomon had then quite a short prayer list. He comes to the end of his collection in chapter 30 verse 7 and he says, here's all I've got on my prayer list, two things. Two things I have asked of you, Lord. Do not refuse me before I die. Here it is, keep deception and lies far from me.

What he's actually praying here is that he will be kept from the influence of Satan as well as a prayer that he will not imitate the great deceiver. Secondly, words can not only deceive, they can destroy. You remember that child's chant, sticks and stones may break my bones, but what? Words will never hurt me.

That's not true either, is it? Sticks and stones are easy compared to words. I don't have many scars from sticks and stones, do you?

Rocks hurt for a while, words hang on. They have the ability to tear down, destroy everything from friendships, to marriages, to workplaces, to churches. Solomon wrote it this way in Proverbs 18 verse 6, a fool's lips bring strife and his mouth calls for blows. In other words, he's going to start a fight. He's going to provoke some kind of controversy or argument where everybody loses. Somebody's reputation is going to be ruined. Somebody's name is going to be dirtied. Somebody's spirit is going to be crushed.

Words have that kind of power, don't they? In seminary, I can remember we were told by one of our pastoral theology professors a story that, true story, sort of the ultimate nightmare just to scare all the pastors to be. A pastor and his wife were barely squeaking by in their rural community church, but they faithfully served Christ. There was a successful businessman and his wife in the church who were of immense help. He and his wife volunteered, they served the church and the pastor's family. On one occasion, the pastor was invited to preach in a meeting in a city several hours away. He didn't have money for a plane ticket and his own car was a little too old or rickety to risk the drive.

So this businessman found out about it and told him he had the perfect solution. He had a business trip that he had to make and he would be flying out of town during that very same period of time. He told the pastor, friend, listen, why don't you drive over to my home, drop off your car, take me to the airport in my car and then take my car off to your meeting and then you come back, pick me up at the airport.

We're getting back at the same time and it sounded terrific. It was a win-win. The only problem was this pastor now had his vehicle parked overnight at this man's house whose car was gone. The neighbors jumped to conclusions and spread the word. In a matter of days, that little community had heard the news. It was all over the grapevine.

He ended up resigning, unable to overcome the destruction to his own reputation. Maybe you're there, in a way, and you're finding it's so difficult to overcome what people are hanging out on the grapevine. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 11, 9, with his mouth, the godless man destroys his neighbor. They can deceive these words, they can destroy. Thirdly, along the same line, words have the ability to divide.

This person is more than happy to hang dirty laundry out in the open on whatever grapevine is available. Proverbs says it this way in chapter 16, verse 28. A slanderer separates intimate friends. What's startling to me about Solomon's statement isn't that distant acquaintances are separated or church members that hardly know each other.

No, intimate friends divided by slander. It was such a serious problem in the early church that nearly every epistle deals with the power of the tongue. In fact, Paul bluntly told Titus to dismiss the divisive person from the assembly after the second warning. It's kind of interesting, there's no traditional church discipline steps where witnesses are brought to bear, the congregation brought in to woo and warn the brother. No, Paul writes, or we read his writing to Titus, reject, literally remove from the assembly, a factious man, a divisive man after a first and second warning, Titus 3.10.

Why? Because the church, according to the will of God, is to demonstrate unity in the spirit and that transforming power of the gospel of grace which produces love and good works. And the enemy can't really do a lot from the outside. Let him lob away. He really can't do much. He's got to work from the inside out.

And he uses a divisive person's words to handicap the church's ability to demonstrate unity and love. It's a powerful tool. So the question remains, what are we to do about this incredible power we walk around with in our mouths? In it is the power of life and death. Let me suggest three things that we should do with our words.

First of all, surround them. Solomon wrote, he who guards his mouth, guards his soul from trouble. Proverbs 21, verse 23. We just bring it on ourselves, don't we?

When we say things we shouldn't say. I had to laugh. I came across a story I had written down a number of years ago when our twin sons were in elementary school. As I read this account again, I couldn't help but imagine the personal struggle this teacher was probably engaged in as he tried to maintain control of his words and emotions.

Before homeschooling, we had our boys for a couple of years in a magnet public school, elementary school in Raleigh. They were in the second grade. We were sitting down at the dinner table one night and one of my sons said, Hey, Dad, I think our music teacher is a Christian.

I said, really? The other son pipes in, yeah, Dad, we think he's a Christian. We're pretty sure he's a Christian. I thought, man, my sons are evidencing such spiritual discernment at such an early age. I asked them, well, how do you know?

And one of them said, well, you know, we're all sort of, well, acting up in class. And he went over to the corner and we could tell he was praying. He probably was. And here's what he might have been praying. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips.

Surround my words, Lord. Post a guard at the doorway of my lips. Don't let anything out without divine clearance.

We're going to fail every day, but that's our mission. Set a guard. Secondly, at every possible chance, not only surround your words, but silence them. Solomon records, he who restrains his lips is wise. In the search for hidden treasure, the people who are finding it, wisdom, are people who restrain their lips, which is very difficult. My father's generation was known for restraint.

This generation is known for expression. Abraham Lincoln once wrote it this way, I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. I memorized a few months ago a little saying to roll around in my heart and mind.

I shared it with our staff at chapel here at the church. It goes like this, my silence might be misinterpreted. It can never be misquoted. You're going to have to avoid certain conversations because it's really going to just be about stuff that won't help. It will only hurt.

Maybe you need to gather up all your sources and just delete them. Solomon wrote it this way, he said, he who restrains his words has knowledge. In other words, one of the smartest things we can do as believers is bite our tongue, surround our words, maybe silence our words. Thirdly, sweeten your words. Keep them sweet, someone said. You never know when you'll have to eat them.

Solomon wrote it this way in chapter 16 of verse 24. Pleasant words are a honeycomb. They're sweet. Ray Pritchard, in his devotional commentary that I've just come across, he wrote about a study he had read that stated it takes eight to ten positive comments to offset one negative comment. In other words, eight to ten loving, careful, kind words are needed to erase the effects of just one hurtful, unkind, unloving, careless word that has been written on the blackboard of our minds. What are some pleasant words? How about I'm proud of you? You've been a long time dead since you told your child those words. Here's another sweet phrase.

I forgive you. Perhaps no more powerful words in the English language besides I love you say that often as well, and I forgive you. They are life-giving. They are hope-filled words. They are reconciling words.

They are fresh start words. I forgive you. He came up to me a few months ago, and he said, listen, I took your advice. I contacted my estranged wife, and I admitted to her I had been wrong, and I asked her to forgive me, and then with tears streaming down his cheeks, he could hardly get out the next sentence. But he said to me, and my wife said, I forgive you. One more set of words that are simple yet profound.

Thank you. You know, these are words to say to your waitress. It'll shock her. These are words to say to your dentist.

It'll shock him too. These are words that you say to the nursery worker when you pick up your child who has been in absolute terror. These are words you mouth to the parking lot attendant rather than other words you mouth. Sweet words these are that require humility. You know, if you thought about the fact that to thank somebody means that you're expressing that you don't necessarily deserve it. You couldn't have done it without him or her.

You needed their assistance. This is humility. That's why hurtful words are words of pride, and helpful words are words of humility. Husbands, how long has it been since you said thank you to your wife for the myriad of things she does for you? When's the last time you thanked your wife for supper? Thank you, honey.

That was delicious. Let's be wise with our words. I love the prayer someone once prayed. Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff and nudge me when I've said enough. With our words we can counsel and confront and comfort and cheer and construct. With our words we can deceive and destroy and divide. This is the daily surrender to the Spirit of God to surround our words, perhaps to silence our words, and if we must speak, to sweeten our words. Words can counsel, comfort, and construct, but they can also destroy. So use your words to bring life, not harm.

Choose silence when needed and sweeten every conversation. That was Stephen Davey, and this is Wisdom for the Heart. Today's message is called The Word on Words. If you're enjoying this series from the Book of Proverbs, you'll also enjoy Stephen's book from this series.

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