Refusing the Urge to Feud

The word overcome in the Greek language is transliterated to give us the word Nike. It is the word for victory.

To us in our culture, that word has become synonymous with sports. In the mind of Paul, it was synonymous with grace. This is how you win in life. Initiating an injury to your enemy is to come below him. To repay his injury with another injury is to be even, but to respond to an injury with grace is to win.

I think there's one thing that we can all agree on, and here it is. If we're going to avoid bringing harm to our enemy and instead respond in love and kindness, we're going to need grace. To take it one step further, we need to understand grace in order to show grace. The Bible tells us that we are, in fact, the recipients of God's grace.

And the Bible also teaches how we can extend God's grace to others. We're studying that today on wisdom for the heart. This message is called Refusing the Urge to Feud. Without a doubt, the most notorious family feud in American history was a dispute between two families.

Do you know the names? Hatfields and McCoys. In fact, to this day, the expression of the Hatfields and the McCoys is enough just to bring up the idea of bad blood squabbling and quarreling and maybe a grudge that just won't let go. As I studied this particular passage, I thought of the feuding idea, of course, as it deals with the subject.

And I thought of this particular feud and did a little research and found that it was very real and very true and tragic. And it all started out with an accusation and then hurt feelings and then a violation of property rights and injury upon insult until finally the original issue was long forgotten. It all started with a stolen pig. Mr. Hatfield could have said, I'll give McCoy one of my pigs and just let the thing die. Or the other family could have said, well, we can live without one of our hogs. Neither of them thought that the battle that began that day would cost the lives of their own children. All in all, 12 family members from both sides of the divide died and a century of hatred sort of moved in to Tug Valley. How do you walk away from something before it gets out of hand?

How do you stop a feud before it ever starts? The answer to that question, if you can believe it, is in Romans chapter 12. Would you turn there? And we're going to do something we've only done 11 times in five years. We're going to finish a chapter in the book of Romans. Beginning with verse 17, Paul will now begin to answer the question specifically from the vantage point of dealing with enemies. How you treat unkind people. What do you do with people who insult or ridicule you?

Maybe even hostile people. This is good medicine though, not just for those outside the church, but those inside church. We could call these last few verses of chapter 12, how to demonstrate grace in a graceless world. And the first point I want to make of six is this, determine a non-negotiable posture or position in life.

A non-negotiable position in life. Look at verse 17. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.

Let's stop for a moment. Would you notice that the first word in this verse is translated what? Never. It's a fascinating word with deep meaning that could be lost on the English reader without extensive etymological research which I have attempted. The best translation I can find of this word is the word never. This is non-negotiable.

Never is final, isn't it? Grace does not get even. People of grace do not get even. Wouldn't it be great if God had provided a loophole here instead of the word never, how about most of the time? I like that translation. Let's do that. Most of the time, don't pay back evil for evil.

Or if it doesn't involve physical pain or emotional distress, that would be this century's translation. Don't pay back evil for evil. I mean, come on. Never? Never. I will warn you that if you ignore the resolution of Romans 12, 17, if you make it anything other than non-negotiable, you might as well forget the rest of the chapter. Just stop here. In fact, forget developing the grace factor in your own life.

It won't happen. To look for opportunities to get even, to get back, stymies, it stops. It is a barricade to the development of grace. To allow an insult or injury to occupy your mind with thoughts of revenge is like picking up a poisonous viper and putting it in your pocket and walking through life. You can expect to be bitten over and over and over again.

Ultimately, you lose. Leave it on the ground where it belongs. Walk past it.

Leave it in the dust where it ought to stay. Look at the grace of our Lord for a moment. Look at what he endured. The truth is, we'd all like to be more like Jesus Christ. In fact, that might be the number one thing on your prayer list, Lord, make me more like you, except for the nails and the spear, the insults, the betrayal, the loss.

You know, what we mean when we say we'd like to be more like Jesus is probably we'd like to be more like him and his perfections, not his sufferings. And yet, Philippians 2, and we don't have time to turn there, but you know that it takes us right into the heart of the insults, right to the depths of that humility and says that mind, which you see in him, have that attitude in you too, you also. Never pay back evil for evil.

It's as simple and straightforward as that. It's never right to get even, but as one author wrote two centuries ago, but oh, haven't you never tasted the luxury of indulging in hard thoughts against those who have injured you? Have you never known the fascination of brooding over their unkindnesses, prying into their malice, imagining all sorts of wrong and uncomfortable things about them, but it has made you wretched, of course, and it is a wretchedness that you cannot easily give up. You see, don't make the mistake, my friends, of believing that just because you became a Christian, grace comes naturally, that it'll be easy now to respond to my enemies with graciousness and to those within the family with the same. There are times when you will fail to act like a Christian, but this is your resolve.

In fact, there will be times if you can believe it, you will not feel like you are a Christian, but this is your resolve. But take heart, your feeler happens to be fallen too, right? How you feel is fallen. Our emotions are in as much of a need for transformation as our minds are. And those who are taken about by every wind of emotion will have difficulty developing and certainly dispensing grace, especially as we come face to face with those who will pay us evil when we have paid them none. And you're not going to feel like grace. Never pay back evil for evil to anyone, period.

And that's just the beginning. The second act of grace in a graceless world is to develop a lifestyle of purity. Paul writes further in that verse, respect what is right in the sight of all men. The word translated respect is a compound verb pro, which means first and no, which means to think. Literally, he's saying, think first, think beforehand about what is honorable.

You could render that what is lovely, what is right. Paul uses this word throughout the New Testament. In first Timothy six, he tells Timothy to encourage wealthy people to do good, to be wealthy and good work. Same word.

He told Titus to instruct the young men in all things to show themselves an example of good deeds. Same word. Once when he referred to the money, the offering he was handling, he said, we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord, but also in the eyes of men.

Same word translated right. Think beforehand what is right, what is good, what is honorable. With the attitude of thinking first and then acting, those things which are honorable and right and pure and in our culture, that will be more difficult than ever because we have lost our moral compass. We now no longer applaud moral goodness. We no longer call that which is right good, but that which is evil. So last year in our city, middle schoolers and high schoolers were encouraged to spend a day in silence in honor of the homosexuals who have chosen their lifestyle.

Spend a day in silence honoring them. I hope our kids knew better and talked more than they ever talked before. We live in a state where gambling is via the lottery now accepted and it's been voted in. It's now considered a virtue which will save our educational woes. We live in a country where sexual acts before marriage and outside of marriage can be considered safe. What's right?

What's wrong? We happen to live in a country that no longer believes the moral goodness of God's commands. In fact, I came across one study that interviewed a broad cross-section of our country involving thousands of people and they found only 40% of them even believed five of God's commandments.

You see, long before the Ten Commandments were ever rejected from the lobby of a courtroom, they were rejected from the hearts of people in our culture, which is the ultimate issue. So you'd better get out of bed, as it were, in the morning and think, think beforehand what is right, what is honorable, what is pure. If you ever hope to develop grace in your life... By the way, when Paul says in the text, do what is right in the sight of all men, he doesn't mean to do what all men say is right. He means do what is right because all men are watching.

That's his idea. You're being watched, so do right. You need to understand that the grace factor involves not only being spiritual but being ethical. If you're not ethical, you're not spiritual.

Don't fool yourself. Someone who is truly spiritual is truly ethical. So if you're a Christian and you want to grow in the grace of Christ, accept no personal justification for cheating on an exam, pulling a term paper off the internet, there's no allowance for fudging on business expense forms or on your taxes. To do so is to stop the development of grace in your life. Don't get even.

Do what's right. Number three, display a desire for peace. Paul writes in verse 18, if possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. I love the realism of the Apostle Paul.

Did you catch it there? He says, be at peace with all men, but then he gives two qualifiers to that. Number one, he says, if it is possible. Why write that? Because it isn't always possible.

That's why. In fact, I happen to know every time I preach, I make fresh new enemies. Jesus Christ said that his truth would not bring peace, but a what?

A sword. It might even divide families rather than create unity. In fact, in nearly every city where the Apostle Paul went, he started a riot.

He was the one who said, be at peace with all men while stones were flying through the air. That's why he added, if it's possible. He gives another qualifier so far as it depends upon you. Why write that?

Well, because it doesn't always depend upon you. It might be a neighbor who refuses to bend or reconcile. It might be a neighbor, a relative.

It might be an unreasonable coworker. A peaceful relationship is a two-way street. What Paul is simply telling us here is to make sure that our side of the street is open for traffic.

Make sure you're not the blockade. Make sure you're not the one holding onto the grudge, bitterly refusing to forgive. Paul is in effect saying that if it is possible and if the bowl is in your court, offer peace. That's hard to do, isn't it? It's easier to hang on to hurt. It's easier for some reason to our nature to pick up that serpent and put him in our pocket. Or as one author said, to put all of our hurts in a pot on the stove so that you can periodically stir it back up.

You only end up being the loser, right? Over and over again. I read about one married couple who were having a quarrel and they ended up giving each other the silent treatment. A week went by and they were still involved in their mute argument. The man, however, realized he needed his wife's help in order to catch a flight to Atlanta. He was going to have to get up at 5 a.m. and he didn't want to be the first to break the peace or offer peace and break the silence. So he wrote his wife a note and handed it to her and it said, please wake me up at 5 a.m. The next morning the man woke only to discover his wife was already out of bed. It was 730 in the morning. His flight was long since departed.

He was about to find his wife and demand an explanation when he noticed a piece of paper by his pillow which read it's 5 a.m. Wake up. Don't try that at home, okay? I'm not giving you ideas, I hope. Don't get even.

Do what's right. Don't wait to offer peace. Here's the fourth thing. Don't forget future prophecy. Notice what he says in verse 19. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God.

Now he is writing here from the standpoint of a believer because he uses the word beloved as it relates to the world. Don't take your own revenge. The world of unbelievers for it is written vengeance is mine. I will repay says the Lord. Judgment is coming to all the world of unbelievers. The Apostle Paul has already taught us in chapter 2 that the wrath of God is being stored up. That word means he is stockpiling his wrath. The violations against his holiness are not being forgotten.

They are stockpiling. What a fearful thought that is. God could judge man immediately but as Paul has already written in the book of Romans that God is forbearing. The word forbearance means to hold back, to delay.

He could act immediately. In fact one of his gifts of common grace to all mankind is that God does not strike man dead at the first sight of blasphemy. He is forbearing.

He is delaying. But mankind has made the mistake in calculation that because judgment hasn't come, judgment won't come. Peter wrote mockers come along with their mocking following after their own lusts saying where is the promise of his coming?

Second Peter 3. Where is the promise? Where is the prophecy of his coming?

We'll just continue following our lusts. Even today the unbeliever says surely God would never judge the world. Surely God would never send anybody to hell.

What kind of God is that? So he makes himself and his arrogance better than God, wiser than God? That's why Paul says the unbelieving world looks down on the forbearance of God. What's that have to do with Romans 12 19? Everything in Paul's mind. He evidently thought that the connection was significant between treating enemies with grace and the fact that God's grace will one day end.

Christian don't forget that. By the way with God his vengeance is not a personal vendetta. It is a judicial verdict based upon his holiness.

He will act. In fact the word repay in your text in Romans 12. God will repay.

That word is a rather startling word. It means to personally and accurately repay. There will be judgments. We know as believers we will one day stand before him at the judgment seat of Christ not to see if we're going to heaven but to see if there's anything rewardable in the way we lived while we were going there. Second Corinthians 5. There will be an entirely different judgment of unbelievers called the great white throne in Revelation 20 and the books of their deeds the text says will be opened not to see if they're going to be cast into an eternal hell but so they will understand why there will be every mouth Paul writes closed at that moment.

No excuses no alibis no cynicism no defense and tragically no prayer. Paul says here in effect these are they who will one day be judged and condemned to an eternal hell and in light of that awful prophecy don't try to make them pay for the evil they're doing to you one day they will pay in a way we can never imagine. And that prophetic announcement should provoke in us an attitude evidently not of revenge.

I will make them pay for what they did to me. But pity. Are you ever moved by pity when you see across the television screen expressions of immorality and arrogance when you hear statements of hatred for God and you've never moved to pity.

Understanding prophecy leads us in the mind of Paul to pity and so it's no wonder to me that Paul moves to the fifth demonstration of grace which is to demonstrate specific acts of pity. If you want to do something to that evil enemy knowing the judgment will one day come verse 20 says here is the one thing you can do. But if your enemy is hungry feed him and if he is thirsty give him a drink for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head and you say now that's more like it. I like that part. Let me underline that word right there. He burning coals. Wow.

That's my theme verse from now on. Wait that wouldn't make sense if you feed him and you give him water to drink. How does that heat burning coals upon his head.

Well the first two actions are obviously understood food and water. The third phrase is more difficult to understand because we don't work with coal anymore. You go back a generation or two you talk to your grandparents your great grandparents some of you right in here know what it's like to have hot coals. You never let the fire go out in days gone by right unless you wanted all the extra work of having to start from scratch to get it to where you had a hot bed of coal so you could cook or be warm. Well in Bible times it was even more important without ready matches in the cupboard. If an individual didn't keep his fire in the hearth going at all time he couldn't cook he couldn't keep warm he would be in a desperate situation. The only thing he could do is go to a neighbor to get some coals from his fire. The neighbor would put those coals from the fire into a container and in oriental fashion he'd put that container on top of his head and he'd balance it as he walked back to his home. The neighbors didn't necessarily live right next door so if a kind neighbor wasn't feeling so kind he might give him one or two. But Paul refers, look at your text, to heaping coals of fire. It's a heaping pile which means that if he had to travel any distance at all he would be more likely to get home with some coals still hot and burning to start his fire. So Paul is saying if you feed your enemy and you give him water to drink you'll be like that kind neighbor who gives his desperate friend a heaping pile of coals from his fire so he can go home and fix his fire again so he can eat so he can be warm.

You don't miss this. Paul is saying in effect have pity on your enemy who will one day stand before God and be condemned. You are giving food to one who will never one day be able to be satisfied with food again. You are giving water to your enemy who will one day be thirsty and never be able to drink again.

You are showing grace and pity to one who will see the day of grace and pity and the final act of grace in a graceless world is to depend daily upon God's power. Paul writes in verse 21 do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. These imperatives could be translated do not let the evil gain one victory after another victory after another victory after another victory over you but instead in one battle after another battle after another battle you overcome evil.

You lose a little bit of that sense that it's one battle after another. It is one battle at a time and overcoming is one victory at a time. The word overcome in the Greek language is transliterated to give us the word Nike.

Sound familiar? It is the word for victory. It is the word of the Greek to carry off another in victory. To us in our culture that word has become synonymous with sports.

In the mind of Paul it was synonymous with grace. This is how you win in life. Initiating an injury to your enemy is to come below him. To repay his injury with another injury is to be even but to respond to an injury with grace is to win.

That's Nike. That is true victory. You will need this kind of grace will we not? To refuse the urge to feud to stop before it ever starts for some of these things can last a lifetime. If you can believe it 125 years after that pig went missing in Kentucky the Hatfields and McCoys decided to have a reunion and to settle their differences and to sign a peace treaty. They were frankly tired of being a byword for fighting and feuding. Although the treaty was largely symbolic the governor of Kentucky and the governor of West Virginia attended the ceremony. Listen to the words in the treaty they signed. By the Hatfields and McCoys on June 14th 2003.

Did you get that? June 14th 2003 quote. We do hereby and formally declare an official end to all hostilities implied inferred and real between the families now and forevermore. We ask by God's grace and love and it continues. I found it interesting to read tucked inside that peace treaty a reference to the grace of God. Well put too. The grace of God is the answer and the few then and now can end on that note. If you ladies and gentlemen never want to pitch your tent in Tug Valley you not only need to receive the grace of God daily as his son or daughter but you have to dispense his grace daily freely repeatedly.

How? Don't get even. Do what's right. Don't avoid peace.

Don't forget the future. Demonstrate acts of pity. Daily rely upon God one victory at a time.

Those six actions will keep you from ever joining up with the old Hatfields and the McCoys. Stephen's been working his way through a series from Romans entitled Grace Factor. He called today's lesson refusing the urge to feud. If you missed any of the lessons in this series we've posted them to our website wisdomonline.org. If you'd like to order the CD set you can do that online or you can call us today at 866-48-Bible. Again visit wisdomonline.org or call us today at 866-48-Bible. Thanks for tuning in today. Join us again next time here on Wisdom for the Heart. you