They're Your Kids ... Be Their Dad!

David goes on to remind Solomon in the middle part of verse 9.

For the Lord searches all hearts and understands every intention of the thoughts. It's as if David is repeating a lesson he learned the hard way, right? If anyone knew the piercing gaze of a holy God, it would be David, right? If anybody knew the lasting, bitter consequences of adultery and murder, it would be David. He knew them. It's as if he's saying to Solomon, Listen, live transparently before God.

Don't think you can keep a secret from God. He can see your heart. He sees the motive and the intention and sees you like no one else. Hello and welcome to Wisdom for the Heart. Over the last three days, Stephen has been bringing a series of special messages for dads.

He concludes that series today. In this lesson, Stephen explores the importance of fathers being present and active in their children's lives. Fathers play a vital role in shaping their children's identity, values, and character. Fathers are the ones who teach their children about masculinity, responsibility, and hard work.

They're also the ones who provide their children with a sense of security and belonging. Here's Stephen with this important message. I want to take your attention to the book of 1 Chronicles today as we address the issue of fatherhood. Just a couple of years ago, the United States Department of Health and Human Services launched a nationwide public service campaign to address the issues of fathers not being connected with their children. Obviously, our world around us is beginning to connect the dots. They are aware that today 17 million children have little or no contact with their biological father, not to mention millions more who live in the same house with their father and get about 30 minutes a week of conversation. Our culture is beginning to wake up to the fact that sexual promiscuity and an absent father are connected. So today, one out of four teenage girls has a sexually transmitted disease. They are aware that there are four Super Bowl-sized stadiums filled, so to speak, with teenagers who are using prostitution to support their drug addiction. Our world is beginning to see the connection between a weakening social structure in the home and the fact that one out of every three children born today are born to unmarried women. It's a lot of men who are absent, a lot of men who are uncommitted. They have begun to form a correlation between the lack of a father's involvement and just this year there will be about a million teenage girls who will become pregnant and nearly half of them abort their baby. And so the plan of our culture is to launch a campaign.

The U.S. Health and Human Resources Service decided that this would be the sound bite. Here it is, and I quote, They're your kids. Be their dad. As always, the basic solution of our society is about that trite. If we can just somehow make people aware of their responsibility, that will alleviate the problem. That would be like somebody coming to you if you were a doctor and you telling them, I want you to be aware that you have cancer, somehow believing that awareness brings the cure. Awareness does not bring the cure. Being educated to the problem does not create a solution. But that's the best they could do.

Here's the plan. They're your kids. Be their dad.

But it is, in effect, in many ways, true. It does bring up a real problem as well. A man does not enter fatherhood ready-made. For those of you who are daddies, you know as well as I do that you become biologically related to offspring in the delivery room. That does not make you a dad.

You're not prepared. I can vividly remember my first trip to the delivery room with Marcia. A father and son team were planning to deliver our twin boys. They had announced that both would be born without a C-section, if at all possible. All went well.

They were born two minutes apart. There was incredible activity in that room, a lot of movement, a lot of noise. I can remember having this thought, what do I do now? What in the world do I do now?

About the time you have some of it figured out, they're gone, but you enter it totally unprepared. Was I proud? Absolutely.

Ready? Not in the slightest. It's no surprise that if you study the New Testament letters to the churches, you discover that both fathers and mothers are informed that parenting is something that must be learned. You don't get it handed to you in a box when the baby is delivered, but they're your kids, so be their dad.

The question is how. The Bible does not provide one role model of a family anywhere in all of Scripture. You'll discover positive qualities in family relationships, evident in a number of situations.

I'll take you to one in a moment. You'll discover truth about family living. Eugene Peterson summarized it this way. A search of Scripture turns up one rather surprising truth. There are no exemplary families that show us a father, mother and children portrayed in a way that evokes admiration. And it's true, beginning with Adam and Eve, whose sons began to fight and one killed the other, all the way through David and Samuel and Eli and Noah, you name them, even to the family that Jesus Christ was raised in, his half brothers and sisters thought he had lost his mind.

Mark's Gospel records at one point they came to take him away thinking that he was out of his mind. You can imagine the turmoil in that home. Peterson concluded by writing, The biblical material consistently portrays the family not as a Norman Rockwell painting around a Thanksgiving turkey, but not these words, but as a series of broken relationships in need of redemption.

That's good. Maybe that's the larger point that God wants to communicate in his word. Maybe he intended to communicate that there is no such thing as a model family. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. Isn't that encouraging to know?

If you're under the delusion that you qualify, give me five minutes with your children. I remember many illustrations myself and I'm still right in the middle of it. But about the time I thought I had something nailed down, it'd spring a leak.

Come loose. What does it mean to be looked up to? I remember when our oldest daughter was around four or five, we were eating supper and it was near the end of the meal. And I remember it vividly. She wanted to sit close to me. And so she scooted her chair over to where I was and she would periodically eat and then stop and just look up at me as I ate my dinner.

I thought, is this a great father daughter moment or what? I didn't necessarily acknowledge it, just kept eating and she would just watch me and then eat a little bit. And I thought, why, she's just admiring me. Finally, she interrupted me and she said, I know why you're the daddy. I put my fork down, looked down at her and I said, well, honey, why is that?

Because you have the biggest mouth. So much for that father daughter moment. But when it comes to parenting, no one needs to apply for hero status. There's not a perfect model in all of the 66 inspired books of God. In fact, if anyone does not qualify for model status, it would be David. You study his life and discover he ruins as many relationships as he repairs. If you did study his life, you would discover that one of the most commendable things about daddy David was not that he did not sin, but that he knew how to confess. He knew how to repent.

If you put David's life on a graph, one author suggested it would look like a roller coaster. You would have intimacy with God, sin, repentance, intimacy with God, sin, repentance and intimacy with God. I want to take you to one of the moments of intimacy with God. I want to show you a positive example from his life. He is about to have a conversation with the new king. It happens to be his son, Solomon, and what he has to say is powerful in any generation.

Chapter 28 in the Book of First Chronicles. I want you to notice the audience of David's farewell speech. Verse 1, Now David assembled at Jerusalem all the officials of Israel, the princes of the tribes, and the commanders of the divisions that serve the king, and the commanders of thousands, and the overseers of all the property and livestock belonging to the king and his sons, with the officials and the mighty men, even all the valiant men. You can't imagine this scene. I've tried to picture it.

There are literally thousands of brass here. These are the leaders, and all the people, if you look at chapters 28 and 29, all the people are also witnessing this grand occasion. This is going to be one of David's finest moments. This is his farewell speech, and it will articulate his passion for God.

You don't have to look very far at his speech to immediately recognize the power of his words as he will close out some 40 years of leadership. David turns and has a personal address to his son. Look at verse 9. And as for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve him with a whole heart and a willing mind. For the Lord searches all hearts and understands every intent of the thoughts.

If you seek him, that is as a king, as a leader, he will let you find him. You'll have his counsel. If you reject him, forsake him, he will forsake you.

He will reject you forever. Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary. Be courageous and act. Now, you need to know that in a matter of days, David is going to pass away. I can't help but think how wonderful it would be that every father would deliver to their sons and daughters such words of challenge and inspiration and hope before the children are left on their own. I want to just examine his words. There are four elements in David's speech to the people and to his son that I want to pull out of this text.

Number one, there is the communication of personal faith. Go back to the beginning of verse 9 and notice what he says. As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your grandfather. Know the God of your mother.

No. Know the God of your great-grandfather and all the great-grandfathers before me. He said, know the God of your father. In spite of David's failure, in spite of David's flaws, his sin, although he had failed God, God had not failed him and David knew that. He knew that.

Solomon, it's as if he says, follow the one and only true and living God. You have seen me worship him. You have seen me pray to him. You have heard my tears of confession before him. You have watched me walk with him. I commend my God to you.

This is mentoring at its best. In fact, it's really the only way it works. I found it fascinating to read some statistics regarding something like church attendance by children depending on their parents' involvement. One research group polled thousands of families and churches have discovered these facts. When mom is a regular churchgoer but dad attends infrequently, only 3% of their children go on to become involved with the church as adults, 3%. However, when dad is regularly involved, and I had to read this about four times to make sure I read it right, when dad is regularly involved, whether or not mom ever attends, 44% of the kids end up related to the church. I want this to sink in to the fathers especially. There is an unmistakable power of influence, good or bad, godly or evil, of a father over the attitude of their child toward the things of God.

I mean, even our secular society is grasping for some kind of help, some kind of slogan, some kind of education, because they are now admitting the obvious impact of a father's presence. Maybe you're sitting here and you know. Maybe you even struggle. You're moving past the ungodly influence and you are one of them saying, I am here in spite of him. I am walking with God even though he did not. I applaud you and commend you for that.

You are in a rare statistic by the grace of God. And you're here because you want to begin that heritage for your children. They're your kids. Be their dad.

How? Well, first of all, communicate to your child a testimony of personal faith. It's personal to you. It's personal. I ask you, is this church a church, the closest church, the neighborhood church, or is it your church? Son, that's my church. See, that's personal communication of a personal faith.

This is your walk. This is your worship. This is your testimony. This is your faith. David could honestly say, even though he had lived the roller coaster he did, Solomon, follow your daddy's God.

He's for real. I want you to notice that Solomon not only hears this communication of personal faith, but secondly, David includes a challenge of personal submission. Verse 9 further, he says, serve God with a whole heart and a willing mind.

That's the goal. Serve him with that kind of heart and that kind of mind. Maybe you're tempted to say, well, you know, it's easy for David to say he had it made. He was the king.

He got his way. God was good. David, as far as I remember from Sunday school, always ended up the hero.

I remember Goliath and the bear and the lion and the Philistines and King Saul. Well, no wonder David served God. God let David have his way.

No, he did not. Go back to verse 2. This is the beginning of his speech.

Don't miss this. And King David rose to his feet and said, listen to me, my brethren and my people. I had intended to build a permanent home for the ark of the covenant of the Lord and for the footstool of our God. So I had made preparations to build it. But God said to me, you shall not build a house for my name. Stop there for a moment. Isn't it interesting that when he stands to give this farewell speech, he doesn't begin to rattle off all his military accomplishments.

All of his achievements. He begins by saying, you all know what I wanted to do with my life. I intended to build moving out of this temporary tent into a permanent temple. That's what I wanted to do. And I prepared for it all.

Did you? What kind of preparation? We'll look over at verse 11. David gave his son Solomon the plan of the porch, its buildings, its storehouses, its upper rooms, its inner rooms, the room for the mercy seat, the plan of all that he had in mind for the course of the house of the Lord for all the surrounding rooms. Golden utensils, the weight of the gold for all utensils for every kind of service.

For the silver utensils, the weight of silver for all utensils for every kind of service. And the weight of gold for the golden lamp stands and their golden lamps with the weight of each lampstand and its lamps and the weight of the silver for the silver lampstands for each table and silver for the silver tables and the forks, the basins and the pitchers of pure gold and for the altar of incense, for the altar of incense, refined gold by weight, and gold for the model of the chariot, even the cherubim that spread out their wings and covered the ark of the covenant of the Lord." All this, God helped him understand. Talk about preparation. He had poured hours, weeks, months, in fact years, into this preparation as God gave him insight. Listen, the passionate desire of David's heart was to build a house for the glory of the Lord. 15 years of winning war against the enemies of God, and he said to Nathan, now we have peace, now I can do what I wanted to do, now I can build the house of God.

And Nathan said, absolutely, start building. And that night God came to Nathan and said, Nathan, you didn't ask me. Go back and tell David, the answer is not yes, but no. You go back to verse three, David explains, God said to me, you shall not build a house for my name, because you are a man of war and have shed blood. Now wait a second, these battles were the will of God. David was a man of war, because he had the courage and faith to trust God who sent him into war to drive the enemies from the land. Every time David swung the sword, God received glory and more glory. Now God says, because you swung the sword, you can't build my house.

That doesn't seem fair. Ladies and gentlemen, what Solomon and everyone else heard this day when he gave this speech was, surrender and submission of David to the will of God, perhaps more clearly than at any other time. Why? Because I'm convinced that the depth of our surrender to God is not revealed in our response to God's affirmatives, but God's negatives. How we act, not when God says yes and swings the door wide open, but when God says no and keeps the door closed or maybe shuts it. Maybe God has communicated through his providence, the word no to you. Perhaps he has closed the door on a certain career. Maybe he has closed the door on your health.

Maybe he closed the door on some ministry or some relationship, something that you said I had intended with all my heart to do that, to be that, to go there and God said no. Submission means relinquishing it and giving it back to God as David did here. Let me move to the third element in this farewell speech. There is the caution of personal accountability. There is this cautionary element of personal accountability. David goes on to remind Solomon in the middle part of verse nine, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every intent or intention of the thought.

Your intention of the thoughts. It's as if David is repeating a lesson he learned the hard way, right? If anyone knew the piercing gaze of a holy God, it would be David, right? If anybody knew the lasting bitter consequences of adultery and murder, it would be David. He knew them. It's as if he's saying to Solomon, listen, live transparently before God and openly before God.

Don't think you can keep a secret from God. He can see your heart. He sees the motive and the intention before your hand even moves. He sees you like no one else. And so there is this element of protection that comes from David to Solomon. How many fathers need to sit down with their children and say, God knows who you are.

God knows your heart, right? That can be used both positively and negatively. Your children will learn about consequences of sin or anything else. One of two ways, we still learn them today, even though we're grown up. One, through personally experiencing the consequences or two, simply being warned of them and choosing not to do that action and thus avoid the consequences. You tell your child, listen, if you touch that hot stove, you're gonna get an owie.

Don't touch it. And so what does the child do? Makes a decision in his or her mind at that moment to either learn through experience or learn through propositional truth. When it comes to sin, experience is the worst teacher. In fact, the Bible never says what I've heard some dad say. Well, you know, my child just had to experience that sin.

Oh my stars, no way. That's the worst teacher. The better teacher is to do what Solomon taught his.

Listen to the instruction of your father and your mother. Listen to propositional truth. Here's what happens when you sin. Here are the consequences.

Now listen to the truth and avoid the consequences by never doing the actions, thinking the thoughts or being pulled into the undertow of your society. So dads have to set up safeguards. Dads have to interact. Dads have to warn. Dads ought to be the one to guard. Dads ought to be the ones to put their foot down with the curfews and the guidelines and the standards.

How many women do that all by themselves without dad's help? As a father, you want to give this caution. If you're raising young men, you warn them of many things, right? If you're raising young women, young ladies, you warn them of young men. That pretty much sums the whole thing up right there. I love the answer Hall of Famer Charles Barkley gave to a reporter who asked him, you know, how are you gonna handle your 12-year-old daughter's future boyfriends? Barkley said, I figure if I kill the first one, word will get around. That's my plan.

I like that. There's a parallel passage in 1 Kings. David delivers these additional words to Solomon.

Solomon keep his statutes, his commandments, his ordinances, his testimonies according to what is written in the law of Moses. In other words, be a man of the book. Study the book. Stay in the book. Stay there. Build your house on that rock.

It is unmovable. It is propositional truth. You can choose to learn by hearing it, by obeying it, or you can learn by experience.

One more element. Give your children, fourthly, the commendation of personal destiny. Listen, as David continues his personal charge to Solomon, verse 10.

I love the way he ends this. Consider now, Solomon. Take note of this, son. The Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary.

Be courageous and act. Imagine this, Solomon. David would sit on the edge of his seat if he mentioned the temple. This thrilled his heart.

This is who he wanted to be. God decided that it would be Solomon and not himself who would build this temple. Solomon, guess what?

Guess what? God has chosen to use you to do this thing. But imagine the blessing for Solomon to hear his daddy say these words. Son, God has a plan for your life. He has a special, unique place for you.

I wanna commend you to that kind of destiny. Now, be courageous and act. Follow him. Whatever he unfolds, the best place for you to be is in step with the only perfect father who exists.

Follow him. I wonder how many sons and daughters hear from their father's lips the message that God has a unique place for their lives. I wonder how many fathers stand in the delivery room and even though their hearts, like mine, ask the question, what do I do now?

But I wonder how many of those fathers are convinced that God is worth following. And over time, that will be communicated to them. These are your kids. Be their daddy.

How? Communicate to them personal faith. Challenge them to personal submission.

Caution them to personal accountability. And don't forget to wrap it all up in and repeat throughout a commendation of personal destiny. ["Pomp and Circumstance"] I hope this message was encouraging for you and that God used it to challenge and equip you.

This is wisdom for the heart. Stephen Davey is your Bible teacher for this daily program. He called today's message, these are your kids, be their dad. One of Stephen's passions is training and equipping men and women for service to God. That's why he founded and serves as the president of Shepherds Theological Seminary. Graduates of Shepherds Seminary are serving God in their churches and communities all over the world. Many men have earned their degrees from the school and have gone out to plant churches or serve as pastors of existing churches. If you or someone you know is interested in graduate level theological training, I encourage you to consider STS. We have many people who just take a class or two. So even if God has not called you to serve him full time in Christian ministry, the classes the school offers will help you.

You don't have to leave your current job or relocate. Many students do come here to study, but all of the courses that are offered have an online option as well. You can join in with a class of students from wherever you are.

If you want to study in person, the main campus is here in Cary, North Carolina. There's a teaching site in Laramie, Wyoming and in Bryan, Texas as well. Something fairly new is what's called a cluster site. That's when groups of students gather, usually in a local church, to take online classes together.

There are clusters in Birmingham, Alabama, Lincoln, Nebraska, and more. To learn more, visit wisdomonline.org forward slash STS. Stephen begins a series from Acts next time. Join us here on Wisdom for the Heart. ["Pomp and Circumstance"]