What Jesus Said About Divorce - Part 1

Welcome to Turning Point. It's a subject that's as painful and provocative now as it was in the Christ. Listen as David introduces his message, What Jesus Said About Divorce. The Bible has a lot to say about it. Jesus himself also spoke very clearly about it. We no longer have the option to ignore Jesus' teachings on this pertinent subject. I hope you will accept this as it is meant in compassion. People ask me how I feel about divorce, and I tell them that, you know, I never think about it very much.

In fact, I look out at my congregation when I'm allowed to preach to all of them together. I have no idea who's divorced and who isn't. I don't want to know. But when it comes up individually in a family, many people search for answers, and the Bible doesn't leave us without information. Now, it doesn't solve all of the issues. I like to tell people on occasion that Almighty God doesn't have a Plan B. You know, the Bible isn't Plan A, and then there's a Plan B hidden someplace if you can just find it.

God's Word is very clear. So let's do the best we can. You listen. You take notes. You ask questions. You do your best to understand what we say. Don't try to make us say more than we do or less than we do. Just what does the Bible say, and listen carefully from your heart.

Let's get started with today's lesson. USA Today column entitled Divorce is Good and Other Myths written by Diane Medved came across my attention. In this article she wrote, the books just keep coming. Collaborative divorce, happy divorce, the good karma divorce, the creative divorce. One typical story featured a family gathered together comfortably with ex-husband and his new wife, his old wife with her new husband, their son and his new baby.

Now they're just peachy. They insist, and experts agree this is wonderful. Constance Ahrens who coined the phrase good divorce thinks that split families should meld seamlessly without stigma into our social fabric. But I must tell you that's not what I've seen in my 40 years of counseling people who are going through marital discord and divorce.

What I've seen is heartache and financial loss, irreparable setbacks, lots of spouses getting dumped. I discovered that 80 percent of U.S. divorces are unilateral. That means only one person wanted it. The other person did not. They were not mutual decisions.

They were unilateral decisions. And children who never have a say in their parents' parting become collateral damage on occasion and dismissed with the new dubious phrase, oh, don't worry about it. Kids are resilient. Those of you who have experienced this in your life, either yourselves or with people you love, know that divorce mars the lives of in-laws and unsettles otherwise contended bystanders. It unsteady society.

It destabilizes neighborhoods, and it brings awkwardness in social encounters. Far from a good thing. Divorce is a tragedy. I know that, and so does everyone who has ever experienced it. I know that some of what I'm going to say will be very difficult, but I also know that those who have come through divorce and have gotten their lives back together and are serving God now will understand why I must teach this passage of Scripture, and they will want me to be as forthright as possible so that their children, many of whom will hear this today, will understand what is involved in marriage and how very serious a commitment it is.

Psychologist Larry Crabbe makes the observation in his book, The Marriage Builder, that in some circles people warmly speak of fulfillment in relationships to the point where adultery and divorce are acceptable if they enhance one's own sense of meaning. I must be happy, they say. I must express who I am. Don't condemn me to a life of legalistic morality.

Let me be me. I must do what is best for me. God wants me to become a whole person, and I cannot be whole within the boundaries of traditional morality.

Larry Crabbe went on to say that we have become so conditioned to measuring the rightness of what we do by the quality of emotion that it generates in us that a whole new version of relativistic ethics has developed that might be called the morality of fulfillment. Fulfillment has taken on a greater urgency than the value of obedience to God. What would Jesus say about all these modern ideas about how marriage works and what to do if it doesn't? Well, we are about to find out because interesting as marriage and divorce are to us, it was of interest to the Lord Jesus too.

He didn't dodge the questions, neither can we. As we continue to follow the life of Christ here in the book of Mark, we are now finished with Galilee. Jesus has left this place that was so dear to him, and as he continues to make his way toward Jerusalem, he is also making his way toward Calvary and the cross. Mark tells us in the 10th chapter that as Jesus traveled through the Judean region, the Pharisees continued to stalk him with their questions. This time Mark tells us clearly that their question wasn't really motivated legitimately, but they questioned him in order to test him.

In other words, they were not seeking information. They were trying to place Jesus in a no-win situation. They believed they had trapped Jesus with their question about divorce, and let's watch what happens. First of all, the division among the Jews in Mark 10, 1 through 4. Here we read from the scripture. Then Jesus arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan, and multitudes gathered to him as he was accustomed, and he taught them. The Pharisees came and asked him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife, testing him?

And he answered and said to them, what did Moses command you? And they said, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to dismiss her. Now the issues with the Pharisees of Jesus' day was not the legality of divorce. That was accepted by both the scribes and the Pharisees, and it was understood by most of the people to be a legal thing. The issue then as it is today is centered around what are the proper grounds for divorce.

It is also very interesting to note then as today the question seemed to be more about what one could get away with under the law instead of what was intended by the law. Jesus asked them what Moses commanded, and they answered with what Moses permitted. Now the only passage in the Old Testament that states the grounds or procedures for divorce is found in the book of Deuteronomy. It is here in this passage that the controversy over divorce begins. So I'm reading from Deuteronomy chapter 24 and verse 1. When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house.

Another translation renders this verse like this. If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, Matthew's account of this passage in Mark reads a bit differently. And the Pharisees came to him testing him, Matthew 19.3, and saying to him, listen to the difference in the question, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Now isn't that a very good contemporary question?

Because in our culture today it seems as if divorce is right for just any reason. Here was the issue in Jesus' day. What does it mean when someone does something that is displeasing? Did you hear what Deuteronomy says?

If a man marries a woman and he no longer sees favor in her, and she does something displeasing? Well, there were two schools. There was the conservative school and the liberal school, both represented by a very famous rabbi. The conservative school was the school of Rabbi Shammai, and they believed that the word displeasing or indecent found in Deuteronomy 24 referred exclusively to unchastity or adultery. For the followers of this school, the only grounds for divorce was marital unfaithfulness.

That's the conservative school. But there was also a liberal school, and this school was championed by a rabbi named Halil, and he taught that one could interpret indecent just about any way he chooses. The Pharisees could have cared less what Jesus thought about their divorce ideas. They were trying to get him to come down on one side of the issue or the other so they could divide the crowd that was following him. Interesting, geographically they had arrived at the very place where John the Baptist had been beheaded because he had accused Herod of wrongful divorce. Here in that very place, the Pharisees try to get Jesus to come down on one side of the issue or the other. If he comes down on this side, the followers of Halil will be angry at him.

If he comes down on this side, the followers of Shammai will be angry with him. They put Jesus in a very uncomfortable spot with their question. But I've said this before and I do this with great dignity, don't mess with Jesus. Don't mess with him because Jesus doesn't answer their question.

He asks them a question. The discussion with Jesus about divorce begins in verses 3 and go through verse 5, and let me just read what Jesus did. And he answered and said to them, what did Moses command you? And they said, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to dismiss her. And Jesus answered and said to them, because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precepts. Jesus corrects the Pharisees by explaining to them that Moses' precept on divorce originated because they were hard-hearted. The divorce proceedings outlined in Deuteronomy don't exist because divorce is God's will, but because men are so selfish and stubborn, God had to deal with the fallout from their disobedience.

James Edwards has written that Deuteronomy 24 was given because your hearts were hard. It is, in other words, a text of concession, not one of intention. You do not learn to fly an airplane by following the instructions for making a crash landing.

You will not be successful in war if you spend all your time learning the rules for retreat. The same is true of marriage and divorce. The exceptional measures necessary when a marriage fails are of no help in discovering the meaning and intention of marriage from the heart of God. Now Jesus will turn their attention from what Moses permits to what God commands. From the book of Deuteronomy, the Lord Jesus takes them back earlier in the Old Testament to the book of Genesis. He has explained Moses, now he's going to expound on marriage.

And in Mark 10, 6 through 9, Jesus quotes from the book of Genesis from two passages. But from the beginning of creation, Jesus said, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.

Notice, the foundation of divorce is the law, but the foundation of marriage is creation. Jesus takes the Pharisees all the way back to the beginning, back before Deuteronomy and the giving of the law, back to the beginning of creation. And he quotes Genesis 1, 27, so God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them. And then he adds Genesis 2, 24 which says, therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

Now, while quoting perfectly from these two Old Testament scriptures, Jesus adds his commentary in Mark 8 and 9. Look down at your Bibles and notice what he says, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate. Interestingly enough, Jesus doesn't attack the Pharisees' position on divorce, instead he explains biblical marriage. And he says biblical marriage is made up of two things primarily, the intimacy of marriage, the intimacy of marriage, the two shall become one flesh. The little phrase one flesh is in the Bible five different times and in every occasion it is in reference to marriage.

It is a very intimate expression. And Jesus provides his definition of marriage in verses 7 through 9, he uses four expressions. Look at your Bible, you can even underline these.

He uses four expressions to underscore the idea of oneness. In verse 7, be joined. In verse 8, become one flesh. In verse 8 again, no longer two, but one. And in verse 9, what God has joined. Jesus says that biblical marriage is something God creates and if God has created it, man cannot uncreate it. How could a written certificate of divorce dissolve a bond that God has established?

The intimacy of marriage. And the next thing Jesus talks about in not answering the Pharisees' question is the permanence of marriage. So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate. What Jesus was doing and what is recorded in the book of Mark is simply this, Jesus is saying there are going to be things that are not ideal, things that don't meet the perfect standard.

But whatever you do in discussing it, don't forget that God has a model that he does want you to understand. Especially is this true today for young people. Because today, the model that young people are seeing and are watching primarily through the media is that the dissolution of marriage is just the normal thing you should expect in life and so why should you expect anything else? And so our young people in our churches and especially in the culture are going into marriage with the realization that it probably won't last.

They go into marriage with the idea that it's probably not going to last. And what Jesus was doing to the Pharisees and to his disciples that day was saying, you can say what you want to about the dissolution of marriage, but let me tell you what my goal was, what my plan was. My plan was in the beginning that marriage would be between one man and one woman and that it would last forever and that it would be the most intimate relationship you could ever know apart from your relationship with Jesus Christ.

That was the model. That was God's ideal. And as we spend these next few moments talking about what we do when the ideal isn't real, when it doesn't work for us, when we're in difficult situations because of this thing or the other, I don't want us to forget that if you say, okay, what does God want in a marriage?

Here's what he wants. If God could speak to your heart today, if you're looking toward getting married, if you're a young person or if you're married and you're wondering about what's going on in your marriage, let me tell you, this is God's A1 purpose for you, that you be together with the wife of your youth, that you live together in intimacy, and you live together that way until death takes one of you away. That's God's plan.

And you know what? If I don't say anything else today, I just want to say that because that plan has been lost in all of the media and in many churches where nobody will ever speak about this. So our kids grow up and everybody wants to know why are the statistics for divorce as almost equal in the church to what they are in the world. Why wouldn't they be? Because in the church, they're not hearing anything different than they hear in the world.

There's silence on it, and I want to not be silent about it. I want to tell you that God loves all of us. He loves all of us no matter what. But if God could sit the two of you down and you're thinking about getting married and he could say to you personally, my children, this is what I want for you more than anything else in the whole world.

I want you to live together with each other for as long as you live. That's God's plan. Now, having said all of that, Jesus does not avoid the issue of divorce. We've looked at the division among the Jews about divorce and the discussion with Jesus about divorce. Now let's notice Jesus' definition of divorce in verses 10 through 12.

Jesus is now back in the house. His Pharisees who are testing him are not in the hearing of this discussion. His disciples ask him again about the same matter, says verse 10. So he said to them, whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. Let me explain to you that we are driven in the Bible to answers about marriage and divorce that are from the entire landscape of the Bible and not centered in just one text. If you only read Mark's account of this discussion, you will get one side of the story. Remember, Mark isn't trying to deal with the issue of divorce to help us understand it.

He's answering the question of some guys who are trying to trick him and get him into a bad spot. If you have followed our discussion carefully, you know that Mark has allowed for no exceptions in his answer, but he has presented the permanence and perfection and purity of marriage and the general unacceptability of divorce from the standpoint of heaven. Mark does not look at the other side of the issue that we are imperfect people living in a sinful environment, but Matthew does consider that other side, and it is a mistake to isolate Mark's teaching from Matthew's teaching because they go together. Mark and Matthew do not contradict each other. Matthew expands upon Mark's teaching. Now, we need to read Matthew's account of Jesus' words. He includes some words that Mark did not include in his answer. In Matthew 19-9, we read Jesus' answer to the disciples, and I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.

In Mark's Gospel, there are no exceptions, but Matthew records everything that Jesus said that day and reminds us that in the whole issue of marriage and divorce, there is at least one exception according to Matthew, and that is the exception of sexual immorality. Well, this is not an easy subject to talk about, but I'm glad you're still there. Thank you for continuing to listen.

We'll try to wrap this up tomorrow and come to some conclusions as we unpack what the scripture says about this subject. And be sure to join us tomorrow right here on This Good Station. Now, when you do, be sure to ask for your copy of O. S. Hawkins' new book, The Bible Code, finding Jesus in every book in the Bible.

It's yours for a gift of any amount. You can also purchase the Jeremiah Study Bible in the English Standard Version, the New International Version, and the New King James Version, filled with helpful notes and articles by Dr. Jeremiah. Visit davidjeremiah.org forward slash radio for details. And Gary Hooke Fleet join us tomorrow as we continue the series In Search of the Saviour. That's here on Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.