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What was your faith journey through divorce

Truth Talk / Stu Epperson
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January 24, 2025 6:06 pm

What was your faith journey through divorce

Truth Talk / Stu Epperson

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January 24, 2025 6:06 pm

On today's show, Robby talks with author Elizabeth Jean Blackstone about her powerful and deeply personal book God Hates Divorce But He Loves You And Me. Together, they explore the challenges of navigating divorce through the lens of faith, the stigma attached to it, and the redemptive power of God's unconditional love. Tune in for an uplifting conversation about grace, forgiveness, and moving forward. 

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Welcome to Truth Talk Live.

All right. Let's talk. A daily program powered by the Truth Network.

This is kind of a great thing and I'll tell you why. Where pop culture, current events, and theology all come together. Speak your mind. And now, here's today's Truth Talk Live host. Oh, do we have a question for you today? And it's one that you don't often hear about talked about in Christian circles, but we have this show for that very purpose to talk about things that God would love brought out into the open so that we can at least talk about it.

And here's the question. What was your faith journey through divorce, right? Like, yes, there's a lot of Christians out there who have been through divorce and, man, that it just seemed like it was something that would never happen, but it did. And how did God come for you through that?

Or maybe he's still working on it. We would love to hear your story. 866-348-7884 is the number to call in and share. We would love to hear it.

866-348-7884. And along those lines, I am really just so excited about the guest we have for you today. Her name, Elizabeth Jean Blackstone, she wrote the book God Hates Divorce, but he loves you and me. And there's a whole lot in that title. As, you know, as often is the case in 2 Corinthians chapter 1, right, God comforts us that we might comfort others with the comfort he comforted us with. And that's kind of your story, isn't it, Elizabeth? Yeah, it really is.

And I just appreciate you having me on today. I just really was fearful when I first started, you know, writing this book, because it's something that people don't want to talk about. And I had really had some issues with the church and people just telling me, hey, you know, you just need to pray more.

Just, you know, everything's going to be okay. But in my case, after 25 years of marriage, wow, things just you know, continued to get worse. And it finally came to a point that I knew I just couldn't do it anymore. And so that's, you know, when I decided to make that decision, it wasn't a decision I made lightly. And I know there's a lot of people out there that have had that, you know, same experience. And so I really looked at Romans 828, where it says all things work for the good of those who love God.

And I thought, okay, here I am at this point in my life, and I'm divorced, and I had five children. And what am I going to do with this mess that I have, so that it works for the good of those who love God. And what I really came to decide was that oftentimes we wait on God, and we question, you know, what's going on, and we ask him to help us. But God really is waiting on us to fulfill our purpose. So the purpose that I had in writing this book was to just have a conversation about what I went through and to share what I learned with people.

And I'm hoping as people read the book that they can relate maybe to their own lives or somebody else's life, and it can bring a better understanding and, you know, hopefully healing, because that's ultimately what God wants for us. Right? So how old are your kids? Oh, my kids are 31, 29, 25, 22, and 19. Oh, right.

So, yeah. I wasn't prepared for that question. No, no, the reason I asked that is, you know, I was—I'm very much affected by divorce in a lot of ways, personally. My parents were divorced, in my case when I was about 23, and I was divorced after seven years of my first marriage. I've been remarried now actually in my 37th year, and so it's been an interesting journey through that. But I remember I was dead set against my parents' divorce, and I felt like even up until both of them passed, which they did recently, always wanted them to get back together. And I really never felt like I could go home. That home was where they were together, and, you know, it was something that, you know, I get to go home when I get to heaven, but I'm interested in how your kids—you know, I'm not saying, and believe me, anybody understands the subject matter, and I'm so grateful for the discussion. And so, you know, if you're out there and you're hearing something and you're like, I want to know about this, or you feel this, well, whatever you feel, man, that's why we have this show.

866, call us, 866-348-7884, 866-348-7884. But the way you described it, it said you got the divorce, right? Your husband wasn't asking for it, he didn't leave, you got it. I did, I did get the divorce. And I think my kids, they were hiding things from me because they were so afraid of what he would do. Our marriage was not the ideal marriage by any means. I share some things in the book about things that happened, like, even early on in our marriage, he had a drinking problem. He held me at gunpoint for about six hours, and he didn't remember it the next day, you know, but I definitely remembered it. But I didn't realize the impact that a lot of the things going on in our marriage, that they were impacting our children.

And my kids were so afraid to tell me what was going on when I was at work, you know, when he was there and I wasn't, because he threatened them with, oh, I'm going to call Child Protective Services, you know, you're never going to see your mom again. So I think he suffered from some mental illness and obviously had addiction problems. And, you know, I'm not saying that what he did, you know, I'm not saying, oh, well, he didn't do anything wrong.

He did. But I just think that a lot of times we cling to the marriage for the wrong reasons. And there came a point that I was like, wow, this is just crazy. I have to end this for my safety, for my kids' safety and even for my husband, because I was enabling this man to do things that were not godly things.

I wasn't doing him any favors either. So, wow. And again, going back to the beginning, what you described was you went to the church for help and obviously you told him, look, my husband held me at gunpoint, blah, blah, blah. And what you wrote in the notes that I got in your email said that they told you you need to be a better wife? Yes, yes. And sadly, it wasn't just one church.

We did move several times when we were married. Elizabeth, I hate to butt in, but that music means we got to go to a break, which means that you can call in listening right now. You're thinking, man, I want to talk about this. 866-348-7884. We would love your input.

866-348-7884. We're coming back with God hates divorce. We're going to be right back. This is the Truth Network. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live! Today's show, What Was Your Faith Journey Through Divorce? We would love to hear your story. 866 is the number to call in. 866-348-7884. And we are so blessed to have with us Elizabeth Jean Blackstone.

That has to be her pen name, but she wrote the book God Hates Divorce, but he loves you and me. And I want to remind folks that this show is on only through the bottom of this hour in certain markets. So if you want to hear the entire show, which plays in other markets, you can go to truthnetwork.com and listen to the whole podcast, which will be up shortly after the show. And I know it's going to seem abrupt that we end for some folks, but for the rest of you, you get to hear the whole interview. It's coming up after the bottom of the hour.

So again, don't hesitate to call. If you have a comment, but when we were left off with Elizabeth, again, I guess I should, before I go back into that, her book is called God Hates Divorce, but he loves you and me. And that is coming out March the 1st. So you can pre-order that on Amazon now, Elizabeth? You can't actually pre-order it yet. Sad to say it will not be available till the 1st of March. But I just love the opportunity that I was given.

So I wanted to come on and be with you guys here on the show. And hopefully people will remember on the 1st of March. Hey, we can get Elizabeth's book now. We can follow up then. We'll be warmed up to the idea by then. But that's great. That's great. So the book's coming out March the 1st.

You can look for it on Amazon again. God Hates Divorce, but he loves you and me by Elizabeth Jean Blackstone, which again is a pen name. But getting back to the story, your husband was clearly abusive and clearly addicted to some things. And your children were obviously being greatly impacted by this. And so how long ago did you actually get the divorce? How long did that happen?

It was in 2015 when some things came to light. And I realized the impact it was having on my children. And I just said to him, that's it. You know, I'm done.

I can't do this anymore. He had been in an accident and had had some surgeries and wasn't working. And I was able to help him find a place to move. And even though our relationship was not the best, I really tried my best to get him set up to where he could, you know, continue to function and always hoped for him to find healing and hope. But so yeah, 2015, we ended up separating. And then due to some issues, the kids and I ended up moving quite a ways away because he kept coming, you know, back to try to reconcile things. And that was not a healthy thing.

So we did that. But I just think that the really important thing that I really want people to consider is that, you know, when you look at the title, God hates divorce, but he loves you and me. That you in there, part of the reason that it's so important is God love my husband, even with all that he did.

And I always tried to keep that in mind with every decision I made. And to remind my children, you know, God loves him. He's in a bad place. He's, you know, he's sinning.

He's doing things wrong, but God loves him. And it's, you know, was always my hope that that things would get better for him. And he loves me, which is like, amazing, because I always kind of felt like I had, you know, I took on a lot of guilt because I wanted to be this perfect wife. I wanted to be this perfect mother. And the churches just kept telling me, well, if you are a better wife, you know, if you would submit, if you would pray more, then, you know, your marriage will work. And I mean, we went for years and it just never did happen. And I was like, OK, you know, God must not love me because I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so hard to pray to be the, you know, submissive, loving wife. And yet things aren't going well. And through this process of I actually went to school, did some biblical studies, got a degree in addiction counseling, trying to understand everything. But what I really found out was that we all have free will, we all decide what we're going to do with our lives.

And God does love me. Darrell Bock Yeah, so it was 10 years ago. And so based on the ages you gave me, I know that one child was not but nine years old at the time, right? And so they were nine and up. And some of them would have just been like in those years finishing high school and stuff like that, a really, man, to move five children like that, man, God really gave you some strength. Janice Miller I only moved three and two of them actually stayed, but they didn't stay in contact with their dad. But yeah, we moved quite a ways away. And we, you know, we all went into counseling and we all really tried to work on, you know, our relationship and trying to keep our family together.

And in some ways it worked, in some ways it didn't. Two of my kids, I don't really talk a whole lot with them. They, you know, my youngest really has some anger issues with me and feels like I could have done more, you know, I could have left sooner. So those are, you know, issues that I don't really talk about in the book. But I know there's a lot of people out there that have probably issues like that as well. And I feel for those people.

I understand where they're at. And my oldest daughter said, well, gee, are you going to write another book about, you know, life after your divorce? More, you know, because this book is more about how I came to decide to divorce. And I told her, I'm not sure if I can do that or not, but maybe we'll see. It's a real project to write a book.

It is, yeah. And especially when you're, you know, you're clearly going through what it sounds like to me was one of the most painful things of your life. And so to write those chapters, I can imagine the tears. But at the same point, looking for things that you felt like would encourage people going through something similar.

And so I love some of the messages that you've already mentioned. If somebody was going through that, they couldn't help but think, well, if I was just a better wife, you know, and it's interesting that quite often, you know, we think, well, it was either my husband's fault or it was my fault or, you know, because clearly it wasn't God's fault. But quite often, you know, the person that's on the stage playing a lot of what's going on is Satan.

And he stirs up a whole lot of stuff that would make us believe that it was our fault. And unfortunately, even with your children, you know, they're looking for somebody to blame as well. But blaming, I imagine as you've been going through this, is not the answer.

No, it's not. But I mean, I've just had to put them in God's hand and I pray for them and hopefully there will be healing, you know, eventually for all of us. So what else can you do?

Pray, continue to, you know, I can tell you, I have several children and I understand certain aspects of it. But, you know, sometimes just an offer to take them to lunch can go a long way. It's amazing. Yeah.

Even when the relationship seems hard, you know, they still seem to appreciate it when you come after them. But I don't know what your thoughts are. We got to go to a break. Some of us we're going to lose. But the rest of you call us.

866-348-7884. This is the Truth Network. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. Today's show is what was your faith journey? Like, you've heard hopefully a little bit about Elizabeth's story. Have you been listening this morning?

Or this evening, why don't I say this morning? But if you've been listening, you're thinking, man, I would love to engage in this conversation. I wish you would.

866-348-7884, 866-348-7884. So I love, I really do, Elizabeth, that you went enrolled in biblical studies after you had this situation. And so I'm curious, were there some— I actually did that in the midst of it.

In the midst of it. Were there some scriptures that just, like, grabbed you and really made an impact for you in that time? Honestly, I think the one that probably really pushed me to try to, you know, do my own thing, do my best is the Romans 828 again, just that all things work for the good of those who love God.

I started school in, I think it was 2011, and I really focused a lot on the biblical studies to begin with. And just the idea that we should love each other, you know, like in Galatians 5.13, it tells us that we should serve one another through love. And so I was striving to be a helpmate to my husband and to help him out of this situation. And I felt like as I had did some biblical studies and stuff, I really knew that the addiction was really driving his behavior. And that's why I went on to take the courses in addiction counseling and to do that. And I have been able to use that information, you know, with other people and in some of the jobs I've done and such. So I feel like it was a good thing for me to do to equip me for some other things in my life as well. So to dig back into Romans 828, so as you began that understanding that all these things, right, I mean, here your husband had a gun up against your head, and obviously he didn't even remember it because he was so high or whatever the situation is. That's working for good.

I think, you know, ultimately it's really working for good in some ways. When we might not see those ways for a long time, but it was him crying out that he needed help, you know, that he was in a place that was dark and he was very afraid that night through that whole situation. And really, it was the first thing that happened in our marriage that made me realize there's something else here.

There's something, you know, that he's dealing with that is causing him to act like that. I mean, it's not normal, obviously, and, you know, unfortunately, when we look back on things, sometimes we don't realize that there's blessings in there. There really is, because by me confronting him, talking to him about it, I mean, we did have good times. We did have blessings. There were things in our life that were not dark and terrible, you know.

Darrell Bock Sure. Barbara McQuade So, really... Darrell Bock So, again, just to keep circling back, because I'm to your Romans 8, 28. Did that night, because I mean, clearly that night was a wake-up call, right, in its own way, did that night push you closer into your relationship with God? Barbara McQuade Yes, yes, it did, because I spent that entire time just praying. And it's something that a lot of people never knew happened.

I still have close friends and family that have no idea that that night ever happened. But what it did for me was that I was amazed that I wasn't afraid. I just knew that God was with me. I knew that God was protecting me.

And at that time, we had our first child, and he was asleep in the crib in that room with us. And yet, somehow, I had peace, and I knew that God was going to protect me. And it might seem weird to some people, but it just was a point where I knew I could trust in God.

Darrell Bock Right. There's a peace that transcends all understanding, because, again, you know, I can't even, you know, I've never had a gun pointed at my head, especially by somebody that was my spouse, right, for that length of time. And, you know, to actually walk out of that feeling anything but just total terror or trauma or all the above, you know, is a testimony, too, that you were praying.

And I think that, like, okay, well, you know, based on what I'm hearing, here was this night that, you know, we know Elizabeth is your pen name, however, for the purpose of this show, you know, that helped Elizabeth push into a trust relationship with God. I have a similar but a lot different story in that, you know, I had a really severe case of cancer in 1996 for some real timing. And then, as I finished my last chemotherapy treatment, I got crushed between a jeep, two jeeps, nearly severing my left leg, et cetera, et cetera. And you could say, well, Robbie, how did all that work together for good? Well, here's how it worked together for good. It really, really did. It was a wake-up call. Like, I pushed into God in that year, like, I never—it was amazing.

Right, mm-hmm, yeah. And I can remember laying on the ground because they couldn't get an airplane to me or anything to get me airlifted, you know, to somewhere to get help because I was way up in the mountains when the jeeps collided. And I'm laying on the ground and I'm just crying, like, God help me. And I got this Jesus hug—I don't know what to call it other than that. It was just a Jesus hug. Yeah, he just holds you. He holds you in his arms. And you just know that you're going to be OK. You feel safe. You feel comforted. And there's that peace there.

Right. And I remember that when—it took them about an hour to finally get the ambulance up there. And everybody thought I was going to go into shock because it looked pretty bad.

I won't go into all those details, but anyway, I remember they finally hit me with the morphine and I thought, you know, I don't even feel that because I'm not feeling any pain anyway. I really wasn't. I mean, when I look back on it, I went, you know what? No matter what I go through—and it was, you know, I guess it was a point of faith, right? Right. That God used those things sometimes to grow our faith in ways that, you know, we would never have that. Yeah, we would never choose it. But look what comes out of it. Right. That's right. And so, interestingly—and again, you're like me, I can tell—oh, how I wish my children.

Oh, how I wish. And I pray and I do, you know, but God has his journey for all of them, right? And it can't be my journey. But, you know, like if they could have that faith but you don't get it without some type of experience, right? Yeah, it often, you know, you have to go through some sorrow and you have to really live through some things sometimes just to find that faith.

And that's actually what, you know, I pray that my kids find their faith in whatever way God has for them to find it, which is kind of a difficult thing to pray because you're like, man, I wish they could just get this and not have to suffer. And, you know, but the suffering brings us closer to him. Yeah. Yeah, you know, God knows how it works, thank goodness. Right.

And I, you know, I love your courage, right? Because I just, there's so many women, unfortunately, they don't climb out of that, right? And some of them climb out and they climb right back in. Yeah. Because I have a ministry we work with with the Christian Car Guy Show, I do, it's called The Jesus Labor Love, and we help single moms, widows, and families in crisis.

And so it is not unusual that we find a woman who's being battered or, you know, abused by her husband, and we do what we can to get them out of the situation, get them in a car, get them in the housing, a place where they can't be found by their husband. And whatever happens, you know, it's like God took the Egyptians out of Egypt, but it took him 40 years to get the Egyptians out of Egypt. However you put that. It took him 40 years to get Egypt out of the Israelites, you know, it's hard, it's hard.

Yeah, it is, it is. And so were there some people that came alongside you that helped you? Um, not at first. And, you know, we did move several times, and because my husband was very talented in music, everybody always thought he was just, you know, wow, amazing.

And so he kind of, I kind of felt like people thought he could really do no wrong, and so when they would start to see, you know, oh, well, he comes to church with a, you know, coffee and there's whiskey in it, you know, then we'd move on. And now we've got to go to another break, I'm sorry. What'd you even ask me? That's okay, I'm here. We'll be back with a whole lot more. We need your calls.

866-348-7884. We'll be right back. This is the Truth Network. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. Today's question is, what was your faith journey through divorce? We would love to hear your story.

866-348-7884, 866-344-TRUTH. We're so blessed to have with us Elizabeth Jean Blackstone, the author of God Hates Divorce, but he loves you and me, and, you know, we've certainly enjoyed talking with you, Elizabeth, and hearing, you know, the incredible journey of coming out of a situation of abuse and addiction, and, you know, here we are apparently 10 years on the other side of that, and, you know, as far as how is your husband at this point in time? Are you in another relationship?

You know, all those questions I know everybody has on their mind. Unfortunately, my husband just recently, my ex-husband recently passed away just this past November. I think the good thing about it was that even though he didn't really keep up a relationship with our children, at the end of it he was able to actually see three of the children. They were able to get up to the hospital to see him, and then his other two kids spoke to him on the phone, and my oldest daughter, she really was able to minister to him and really have some serious conversations with him, and in the end she said that they talked a lot about what had gone on and how he had, you know, was sorry that he hadn't really been there, and in the end there was peace. She said that it was really good, that it was like a kind of a fulfilling time, and they really talked about his salvation and stuff like that.

So sadly he isn't with us anymore, but I believe that he's gone to be with the Lord, and this is a good thing. Yeah, yeah, that is, you know, that's... Unfortunately, it wasn't very old, but... A tragic end to addiction in so many different ways, but, you know, sometimes... And all the more reason I want our story to get out there to help people see how important it is, you know, to really look at our situation, you know, look at your situation because there's things that I did in our marriage that I could have done better, and, you know, maybe I should have divorced sooner. I don't know, but I'm not going to second guess myself, but I did enable him in some ways, and my story is not just about him, it's about me and how I process everything, and looking at my heart and saying, you know, what could I do better, other than just saying, oh, I want to be a good wife, I want to be a good wife.

What... How can I love not just him, but other people in my life in a way that's going to benefit them and to further the kingdom of God. Yeah, wow. That is... Love is tough.

Oh, it most certainly is. And so how about your current... Are you in another relationship? Are you... No, no. I think that I will find someone, but right now I'm kind of just trying to figure out my life.

I understand, I understand, and aren't we all? As we push into God Gave You, obviously, you know, very cool, I think, that he has allowed you to get, you know, the biblical studies in and the counseling, and obviously now you've had this experience in writing the book, and that's coming out March the 1st. How can people, like, they can keep up with you on Instagram and Pinterest and that stuff, how can they do that? I actually just have an Instagram profile, Elizabeth Jean Blackstone. I am really bad at all of this stuff on the internet, but one of my daughters is helping me, and so we have set up the Instagram. I haven't actually got the Pinterest up and going yet, so I'm sorry about that, but yeah, they can find me at Instagram, Elizabeth Jean Blackstone, and we'll have some updates on there, and I'll share the, you know, the link to the book when it's available on the 1st of March.

Should be ready. So there you go, and again, Elizabeth Jean Blackstone, the book is God Hates Divorce, but he loves you and me, and so, you know, as you guys are thinking about this and talking about that out there, you know, we would love to hear your own personal story, 866-348-7884, and I know in my own, you know, story was that, you know, when I was younger and got married, and I was married seven years, and unfortunately my wife struggled with mental illness throughout the marriage. I wasn't aware that she was schizophrenic actually when I married her, although her family did know that, and then she had a breakdown shortly thereafter, and they told me what she struggled with for years actually, and unfortunately when she attempted suicide when we'd been married about six years, you know, she went in the hospital in a bad way, and actually she stayed in the hospital for the rest of her life, and she passed away young, not unlike your husband.

It was just really, really tragic. And like you, you know, what could I have done different? You know, how could I have been a better husband? What could I have made sure that she did that?

You know, there's lots of ways that you go about trying to blame yourself for what happened and all those kind of things. However, I will say that in my life, you know, God brought Tammy, and we've been married now. We're in our 37th year, and, you know, we've had three children together, and now we have, oh, let me count real quick.

I guess nine grandchildren. Oh, wow, it's, you know, and it's really, it's been a fascinating journey, but I had a son that my first wife had. I shouldn't say I had a son.

I have a son that my first wife had when I married her, and I have a wonderful relationship. I mean, he sent me some wonderful Bible questions just last night, and he lives down in Florida, and, you know, one of the things he was struggling with is his actual birth father. You know, he really is having a hard time forgiving him, and like you can imagine. And so as I was thinking about that, how did you get to the point of, and it sounds like you clearly have, of forgiving your husband for a lot of what went on right there in your life? What was, how did God help you do that? Um, I think, you know, I just looked at it maybe in a different light because I grew up with a mom who was a little bit abusive as well, but the things that people do, they do them for reasons that we might not understand, and I don't think I ever completely understand and understood, you know, why my husband did the things he did, but I think God just really showed me that, you know, we all make mistakes, and what he did, some of it was really quite horrific, but God loves him. God wants the best for him, and who am I not to, you know, love him as well? I stopped loving him as a husband, I have to say, after a time, but I always had that love for him as God's child, you know, God, he was my friend also, you know, and that's the love that I still have for him.

I lost that love, you know, as for a husband, I did lose that love for him, but I never lost the, like, the agape love that I had for him, and God just kind of helped me work through that and see that, you know. Darrell Bock You can hear that in the, you know, what happened at the end, you know, with your kids and, you know, them communicating with you and obviously feeling, you know, completely comfortable in communicating all that went on and telling, you know, you can tell their heart was for their dad, but obviously it sounds like she has a relationship with God if that's where she was trying to help him. Dr. Ann Cashion Yes, yeah, I don't think that my children don't have a relationship with God, I just think that they have some things that they need to work through in time and, you know, I'm looking forward to the day when we can all be together and be okay with each other.

I know that's coming, I have the faith that God is going to do that for us. Darrell Bock Yeah, and that is, you know, part of the hope and maybe that next book is in order. Dr. Ann Cashion I'll have to think about that.

Darrell Bock Because, you know, I'm guessing that, you know, well, let's end on that note. Was there something that God helped you resolve as you wrote the book that you had not previously resolved? Dr. Ann Cashion Yeah, because what it really resolved for me more than anything was that God does truly love me, because I'm divorced. Wow, you know, that is not something I ever thought would happen in my life, but God still loves me. And I really question if God could love me when I broke that covenant, that marriage covenant between my husband and him and myself, and I'm the one that filed for divorce, you know, but through this process, I realized that God does still love me. Darrell Bock And so was that the title of the book when you started it or when you finished it?

Dr. Ann Cashion It was the title of the book when I started it, but it was more of a question when I started it. It was more of a, does God still love me? And by the end of the book, it was, hey, God still loves me.

So it answered that question for me. Darrell Bock Wow, and, you know, I always think of it that so many of these projects God calls us to do, you know, the joy of it is doing it with him, right? And it sounds like you clearly had that experience as you were writing this book of God walking with you and facilitating the healing. And, you know, I even wonder about whichever child suggested the other book, like, asking them what should some chapters be? Dr. Ann Cashion Maybe they should write a book.

Darrell Bock However it works. So much fun. Thank you, Elizabeth, so much again. God hates divorce, but he loves you and me.
Whisper: medium.en / 2025-01-24 20:51:31 / 2025-01-24 21:06:29 / 15

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