Make It a Date Night

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So when you begin to think of the word marriage Is that something that makes you A little uncomfortable in your seat, or you know, you come home and your wife says, Honey, we need to talk.

Okay. What does it bring up in your soul exactly as you're thinking about those kinds of things? In other words, you know, what. one communication habit is either helped or hurt your marriage. Like when you think about what That means to you.

I would love your thoughts. We would love to have you call in today with that one: 866-348-7884. 866-348-7884. What? One communication habit is either helped or hurt.

Your marriage. And the reason we're doing this is we're so blessed, really, to have with us Dr. Clarence Schuler. He is, from what I understand, the Love Doctor.

So, how fun is that?

So, maybe you got a question for the Love Doctor. He has got a big event coming up. Actually, make it a date night. That's next Tuesday night. It's going to be at Salem Baptist Church here in Winston-Salem.

And by the way, they have a little trouble with their website. You can just call Salem Baptist Church. We'll give that number out in a bit. But anyway, they're going to have this next Tuesday night, 7 to 9 p.m. at $37.

Or, of course, they got scholarships. It's going to be quite an event. But, you know, one of the things that you might imagine that's a struggle for all of us if we're married is. that communication thing.

So so welcome, Doctor.

Well, thanks for having me. I appreciate it. And communication is an issue. And as you were talking in the intro and you said, you know, My wife says we need to talk. Speaking man 101, I used to think, What did I do wrong?

Right, right. Here it goes.

Now what?

So it's an issue. But I do want to say that communication is really key to marriage. You know, communications to marriage with locations to real estate. We got to communicate, communicate, communicate, assume nothing, and talk about everything. And so I think.

If you're asking me what communication habit has helped us, I think. For my wife, and I have her permission to share this. I think when she doesn't try and complete my sentences, that's important for me. And I think for me, not to cut her off. And so, when I listen to it, hit a full sentence, that really helps me in the process.

Because sometimes, unfortunately, I had a bad habit of doing that. And when I listen to the whole thing she's saying, sometimes God is actually speaking to me through her.

So I've learned to listen with much more respect. And this makes her feel loved, too, when you listen to your spouse a lot of times.

So you can hear the wisdom that's right there and just think, man, next Tuesday night, what marriage wouldn't... You know, this is such an opportunity, really. You have two love doctors. You have both Dr. Carrie Chapman and Dr.

Clarence Schuler are going to be there like, wow, this could be the best $37 you ever spent in your life. Because, you know, your life is just so much about your relationship. And, you know, Clarence, I know. That for some of us, we're a little older. Yes, we are.

And after the kids are gone and all that. Man, oh man, my marriage has been so fun. But it's based on actually, you know, in my case, you know, I went to church with Dr. Chapman for a lot of years. And it had been to many, many, many of his.

And Carolyn, you know, his wife would take the women on one side and then Dr. Chapman would take us on the other. But this is a neat opportunity. But this is an opportunity for you listening right now. You might be in Ohio.

You might be in Utah and you think, Robbie, it's a little far for me to come to Winston for this conference.

Well, this is your chance to call us. You got something like on your heart that you think Dr. Schuler might be able to help you with? You know, that's the number to call us: 866-348-7884. 866-348-7884.

And you know what? I has really helped me. And my wife may call in and say, No, he doesn't have anywhere close to down yet, but what But what what I think about It's like When you're looking at a piece of scripture Mm. If you assume you know anything about that scripture, you come at it from like, I know nothing about this. If you come at it from a complete point of humility, like I need to know what that word means, because I don't think I know what that word means.

I need to know what uh how that The structure of that sentence, where the verbs are, and those things, in order to be able to conjugate the verb properly to understand what the sentence means.

Well if if you approach that learning you know that love to learn like you'd love to learn about the bible When I love to learn about my wife and realize that she really does change every single Probably hour, but I know every day. And so if I assume like what you were talking about that I know what it is that she's actually saying It's like assuming you know what John 3:16 says. I've known what it says for a long time, but every time I read it, I get something a little different.

Well, that's true, you know, and I think That listening part, the humility part is huge. And It's sort of counter culture. But especially in a Christian marriage, but even if it's not a Christian marriage, it's the whole idea of serving your spouse. And not trying to take but serve. And when we serve our spouse, we do a couple things.

We create a safe environment where they feel they can be heard. Or even if your spouse says, I don't feel you hear me, then say, okay, don't get defensive. If possible, say, well, what do you mean by that? What does it look like for you to feel heard by me? And let them be the expert on themselves, and you, the expert on you.

And as you have that humility of asking questions and learning, then you grow together. And you both take ownership, and it makes your marriage closer, which makes it better. And you tend to. even unintentionally, you become more patient with each other. And that's that's really important and helpful and it gives you peace and you you know, and it's a great way if you have kids in the home to monitor your kids about how to communicate.

Oh, I so love that. And I I I always relate it to the Song of Solomon, especially what you just said. Because fascinatingly, I don't know if you ever looked at this, but the word love, like you know, my beloved, it's used constantly throughout, especially the first chapter. Um That word Is the same word that people would pronounce David. It's Dalad Vov Dalad.

And those letters in Hebrew are saying serve and then serve. Yeah, it is, it is. And so to the beloved means. By all means, just like you said, a servant. And so, like, we're we're servants to the Lord.

He's servants to us. He's served us like unbelievably. Yeah. And there's the picture. Yeah.

And you know, I think it's important to understand, Lisi. He blew me away years ago. My wife and I have been married at the time over 20 years.

So I guess it's almost been 20 years. We celebrate 40 years this year. And It was late at night. Um I was actually washing the clothes, think I'm doing a good job. I'm actually hanging her clothes that don't go in the dryer on the hook.

And I'm thinking, honey, you're doing an act of service. Like Dr. Chapman was giving you high marks. Oh, man.

So I'm feeling good about myself. And she had some stuff in front of the tub. And I said, honey, you got a lot of stuff in front of the tub because it was deal for me to get to the towel rack. And I'm thinking she would say, oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Just, you know, it's no big deal.

Just go ahead and move it out of the way. Or she'd come get it, whatever. I'm thinking something positive. And you know what she did? She looks on my side of the bedroom and says, You got a lot of junk in front of your nightstand.

And that was sort of your mama moment. And it's one of those few times that I heard the Holy Spirit speaking to me. And he simply said, Now is not a good time. You know, so do we fight? We're both tired, it's 10 o'clock at night, or do we let it go, or do we talk about the next day?

And so, through his grace, I said, You know, let's just let it go till tomorrow if we need to talk about it. That was something that wasn't a big deal, so we just let it go. But that's so important, you know. That whole idea of having God talk to us, we listen to Him, and He it just helps us avoid a fight, you know, instead of us both going to bed mad and turning outside the other way. You know what I'm talking about.

I do.

So, it's a little simple, it's not big things, it's simple things, and so those are things I'm learning still in process that helps in the marriage relationship.

So, how about you? What does this bring to mind for you? We would love to know your thoughts, your questions. 866-348 7884-866-348-7884. Again, it's called.

Make it a date night. It's coming up Tuesday at Salem Baptist Church, 7 to 9 p.m., with Dr. Chapman and Dr. Schuler. Oh my goodness, it's going to be awesome.

And the rest of this show will be too. Stay tuned. You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. We're talking marriage today on True Talk Live and you know what's that one Habit something that you have learned in your marriage that made all the difference when it came to your relationship or your communication, those kind of things. We would love to know your thoughts.

866-348-7884. 866-348-7884. I have with me a doctor Love is a song. You can't help but share that. But no, no, Dr.

Schuler, who i you know, they've got this big event coming up. Make it a date night. It's coming up this Tuesday night. It's going to be at Salem Baptist Church. And I just got word from Stu himself that if you go to Truth Network's Facebook page, there you can get the go the QR code to go ahead and register and get those tickets or thirty thirty seven dollars.

Might be the best investment you can imagine. But it r right before the break, uh Doctor Schuler was recalling a time when he He was, you know, doing all the things Gary Chapman had told him about the love language of acts of service. And his wife had a little comment for him, and he prayed. Yeah. And where it was in prayer.

You know, however that works, he heard God's voice. You know, you. And he said Hold on, you know, wait a minute. And what's funny is you were telling that story. I could remember I cannot tell you what Tammy said to me, okay?

Okay. All I know is it infuriated me. I I remember and it infuriated me so bad That, like a lot of men do, it's either fight or flight.

So I flew down the stairs. And when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I was going to, you know, kind of from the regular part of the house down to the basement. I said, God, did you hear that? Are you going to stand still for? I mean, I can remember those words saying, Really?

Are you just going to let this happen? Are you, you know, and what he said, I'll never ever forget what he said to me. He said Rami? Do you want me to hold you to that standard? He said, you know, if you want me to do something, you know, how, you know, is this the way it's supposed to be?

And it just, oh, it's like it dropped me to my knees. Yeah. Like, oh my goodness. No, no, don't listen to that. Don't forget that.

Belay that order. You know, I can live with that. Yeah. Because, right. And so you can understand all the communication principles in the world, but in that heat of the moment, man, without him, we can't do it.

No, we can't. We can't. And that's, you know, is. You say that. And especially for Christian couples.

You know, we have an enemy in Satan. Who hates us? He wants to destroy us. And we have the indwelling Holy Spirit. We have prayer and we have the the the word and the power of the word.

But a lot of times when Christian couples come to me, they're not using any of those weapons to fight against their enemy. And that's so, so important. And so in fact, you said that, in fact, we both kind of refer to God's help because we can't do it without Him. It's so important to bring that into the marriage. Oh man, I'll tell you.

And you know, I As a pastor, I pray with people s you know, it Anything happens, let me pray with you. Let me pray with you. Yeah. But get home. It's just.

Oh my, it's just that's a completely different battlefield. It is, and you know, it's funny. We can pray with everybody else, but but To me, and men and women are wired differently. You've probably noticed that. And a lot of times, as a guy, I don't just want to pray for my wife.

I feel it's so much junk. I know I'm messed up. But she wants me to pray with her. She's not even thinking about that. She just kind of wants the covering.

It's that relationship thing, and it's just totally different. But I was reading a book by. Doctor Phil, Relationship Rescue. And his research team came up with this statistic that blew me away. It came out in 2018.

It says that couples who pray together on a regular ba basis lower their chance of divorce to one out of 10,000 couples. One out of 10,000 couples. That's pretty amazing. You know, it depends on who you talk to about the divorce rate in America.

Some say about 50%, some people say others, but it's not. divorce insurance, but think if you can Pray with your spouse, hold his or her hand, not for three or four hours, maybe three to five minutes. That might just transform your entire marriage. What should the format of that prayer be? Should the uh uh th that's that's really I love that.

And are we praying for our marriage? Are we praying for our kids? What are we? Are we. Praise God.

Yes. You know, what I tell people, I say, you know, if it's possible, and they have the guy as a servant leader. Not to preach her, just to initiate. That's when it talks about being brave and courageous in the scriptures and the New Testament for a man, it's really the word initiate. And so I said, you know, if you would just take her hand, if it's okay with her, say, can we pray together?

Most women I know want their husbands to pray with them. Even if they're CEOs of organizations, they still, when they come home, they want their husband to be the head. It's really important.

So I say, if you can just hold her hand, pray for the marriage. You may be struggling. You may be doing well. Pray for the kids. Pray for the in-laws or the outlaws.

Pray for your bills or whatever, but whatever. And just spend three to five minutes at prayer because here's something about prayer. We typically pray about what's most important to us.

So when you hear your wife's prayer, she's actually telling you how to be a better husband to her. When she hears your prayer, you're actually telling her how to be a better wife to you, and you grow together. And the Holy Spirit takes that. And there's something about the touch as well, but the Holy Spirit kind of helps bond you together. And it's really can be an amazing thing.

I've had couples in crisis come to me, and one of their assignments has been to pray together every night, do that. I give them some assignments, but at the end, I have them do that. And they come back and revolutionize their marriage. I lose clients because they say, Hey, we got this. We don't need to come back anymore because this works for us.

So, uh, so uh, but I think I think that's so important to pray together.

So, thanks for bringing that up. Oh, I. You know, it's a challenge. It just is. And I'm so grateful for how God has raised up.

People with this specialty, like Dr. Chapman and yourself. And again, you know, this is an opportunity for you to call us, whether you're in Utah or Ohio, wherever you are. I mean, I know you got a question, and you just think everybody out there probably has exactly the same question.

So, why not call us? 866-348-7884, 866-348-7884. Again, when we were talking at the onset of the show, You're talking about that there are certain subjects that are like the hotbeds of, and I don't know if other marriages are like this. I've just like the test tube one here since I'm the one here. Is it.

When we struggle in that area, we kind of put that one under the covers and we don't talk about it. discussions Right. And the problem with and I understand the hesitancy to talk about 'cause sometimes none of those were fun. Yeah, 'cause that's the honey we need to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But but when we stuff them under the bed or where we put them and don't talk about it, nothing ever gets resolved. What does happen does, we continue to have more tension about that issue with no resolution. And then we have the enemy keep putting thoughts in both our heads individually, and it becomes worse, it doesn't get better. And so sometimes it's really more important to face your fear with your faith, not having a perfect faith, and to say, can we just kind of stumble into this, you know, and begin to talk. And just pray before you talk about the issue, if it's money or sex, whatever it is, and then talk and pray about it when you.

Try and get to some kind of conclusion or resolution. And you may get to points within that where you need to stop and take a time out. Or In some points, agree to disagree, but you need to begin to talk about that. And I think you said it earlier: ask God for wisdom. Say, God, we're both struggling in this area.

We don't know what to do. I think I'm right. She thinks she's right. You know, what do we do? Help us, you know.

So, I think that's really important, too. Yeah. I mean, from my from my standpoint, here's the you know, money, I it's just crazy. Yeah. You know, the the the the craziness that we can get involved in, you know, and not understanding how did this get bought.

And I'm I don't want to really want to You know, ask that question because I know it could launch into something or another one that just even. you know, our kids are in their thirties, forties, et cetera, at this point in time. It's still Certain discussions about the kids will lift the roof off the house in about a half a second. Yeah, you know, it's it's um Ah, so you didn't have a chance to call yet. You do now.

866-348-7884. Make it a date night. It is coming up. You don't have it. I'm sure this is an opportunity for you.

This Tuesday night, Salem Baptist Church, downtown Winston-Salem, go to Truth Network's Facebook page, right? And there you're going to get the QR code where you can get your tickets $37. We'll be right back. Bye. Yeah.

You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back. Welcome back to Truth. There I am. Yeah, I am I'm not hearing.

Welcome back to Trip. And there I am. Yeah, there's some kind of really long delay, like long delay, but. There is But I'm going to turn off the headphones so that I just talk because whatever's going on is really different as far as what we're hearing. But we are today talking about marriage with.

Dr. Love himself. It's really, really cool. Dr. Clarence Schuler is with us.

He's out of Colorado Springs. He wrote the book, Keeping Your Wife Your Best Friend. Like, who wouldn't want that? Or if it's, you know, keeping your husband your best friend, that works as well. I'm sure, Clarence, that this is available at Amazon or wherever you want to go.

It's available at Amazon. It's also available on my website. Which is just my name, clarencechula.com. Yeah, he's Yeah, if you listen to that, it's going to be different there, Nick. We got the delay going on our headphones.

which makes it real interesting. You hear what you said forty seconds ago. But anyway, this book is is absolutely amazing and and the opportunity that that people are going to have to come in and and Really, from two from Dr. Chapman and yourself. And so, how long ago did you write the book?

Well, the first edition came out in 2010. And then we have um You know, updated. This is the third, this is the third edition.

So I think maybe 2019 or something, we did something with it. But it's just as I've taken men through the city through Bible studies on this particular book.

So at their request, they found it really helpful. But it is woman approved.

So there are questions at the end of every chapter so they can walk through the book together.

Some people have to Bible study.

Some guys just read it on their own. But it deals with is it time for a tune-up before the fight begins? It talks about pastoral marriages and leadership marriages. If you've been married more than one time, how to make this marriage your last marriage. I share my own pornography addiction and how God delivered me from it, how He's kept me clean over the last, what, 35 years.

And so it's just a very talks about sex, talks about money.

So it's just a very practical book that people can go through together and read it and get some biblical resources for it.

So we're really excited about the book. Boy, I guess. And what a wonderful opportunity to get first-hand stuff. If you make it a date night, come in this Tuesday. And if you come to a date night, we're giving some of these copies away for free, you know, which is hard for me, but good for you.

But we're doing it.

So if you come, you may get a copy of it free. Which brings up another great point. They have scholarships for people that, you know, that's $37 more.

Well, your marriage is more important to them, to Dr. Chapman and Dr. Schuler. So when you call Salem, you know, just they will hook you up if that's what needs to happen. And, you know, the reason it's only $37.

And again, there are scholarships is that Gary did not want it where people cannot afford to come.

So we didn't want to start at 100 and something or 90-something. You know, we just said, he said, why don't we just make it within reach of most people? And again, if those, they can't have that, we don't want anyone not to come because of the money. And that's where scholarships are available. That's so awesome.

That's so awesome. We have Mike is in Dayton, Ohio. He has a question or comment. Mike, you're on True Talk. live and we can actually hear you in real time.

Well, that's good. I'm sorry about this. My wife's here, but she she she doesn't want to talk, but She is my best friend and I can't wait to get the book. That is a really cool concept, and I would want to spend more time with her than anybody else in my life. The other day, I thought I'd say something about something.

I forgot to take the trash out. She probably didn't believe me. Yeah. She probably thought I had just ignored her and just You know, this Blew her off and said, No, I'm not going to take the trash.

Well, she's right there. She can speak for herself, Mike, if you want to.

Well, she's not going to.

Okay, all right, all right.

So And I called her up later on in the day and I said, you know, I really did. I forgot to take the trash out. I'm sorry. She says, Well, you need to repent about that. I says, Okay, I will.

So we hung up. And to make a long story short, God kind of revealed to me that we're both sinners. You know, we have to deal with each other's. Um But uh attitudes, I guess you would say. Um Our um Are bad attitudes if you get off of work late and you not didn't have a good day at work and You know, um or lack of uh friendship sometimes.

because you know just not in the mood. Um And if we can't deal with, I realize that if we can't deal with each other. As a husband and wife, and be good friends, how can we deal with the law? Um you know, uh 'cause a lot doesn't really care about you at all. They don't care about your feelings.

All they care about is themselves. And so if you. Show care to the loss, they're not going to show a response back sometimes. And then that's sometimes hurtful. But if we can realize that God still wants us to do things the way He wants us to do them, Um I'm a lack for words right now.

That's okay, Mike. Dr. Schuler's over here taking notes.

So I'm thinking you're fixed to get schooled. I'm just saying. All right, thank you.

Well, Mike, first, thanks for calling in. And that was a wonderful testimony about you and your wife and her being your best friend. I think that's incredible. And the fact you want to spend a lot of time with her, that's That's music to most women's ears. As I listen to you talk, I'm just making a suggestion.

Consider this whole idea about extending grace. You know, my wife and I, we're both strong-willed, we're both stubborn, and we could have great fights. And so, but we kind of learned to give each other the benefit of the doubt. You know, if she was coming home late, instead of me saying, well, you're always late, is asking, hey, does something come up at work? Was traffic heavy?

And then it comes across to her that I'm really concerned about her. And then we talk about other stuff. Or she will call me now because she knows I'm concerned about her. And she says, hey, I'm going to be late. And so it's just sort of extending grace, giving each other the benefit of the doubt.

And a couple of things too, and with the trash, and I've been there too. Yeah, sometimes we have to ask ourselves You know Why is it not taken out? What was the big deal about that? Why did it bother me so much? Yes, it needs to be taken out, but why did it bother me so much?

Or sometimes, well, if he forgot, can't I just take it out? I mean, so sometimes we make it big things that don't have to be big things, and that's part of the extending grace. And so I, and so for me and my wife, and it may not work for you guys, but we just found out when we irritate one another. We try and let the Holy Spirit, it's not always the case, just say, Well, why did I? Even if I'm right.

And I think I'm right. Why did it bother me so much? Why I get so upset? And then that sometimes gives the Holy Spirit a chance to work on me on something, and that becomes a smaller issue.

So I'm glad you guys are talking about that. But I think, and then we have to trust each other. If you really forgot, we have to say, well, hey, okay, that's okay. And I can do this.

So, again, I think extending grace might really be helpful in this kind of situation.

Alright. I totally agree with you. Sir, I forgot your name. It's not important. It's Dr.

Love. It's the love doctor. I do make house calls. It's probably not to Ohio.

Well, you're making a house call right now over the phone.

So, you know, we extend grace together. She's nodding, and we're both nodding, and we extend grace to each other. And, you know, we try not to. I read a book once, not to sweat the small stuff. It's a good book.

I don't know if you read that book before, but. All right, well, let's just dive in right here, Mike, since we got that. Let's not. And I'll just tell you that one of my pet peeves. is also my wife's pet peeve, obviously.

Okay. Yeah. Is she feels the need to tell me to wash my hands every time I turn around? Like. Like, before you touch that, make sure you've washed your hands.

And I cannot personally, and it's funny when you said, you know. Why does that bother you so much? I would love to know why does that bother me? I mean, but all she has to do is say, have you washed your hands? As I walk into the kitchen, I don't even have to touch anything.

Those words will come out of my line. I'll say, Tammy, how many times do I have to tell you, don't say that to me? It drives me nuts. I'm going to wash my hands. You hear the water running?

So why does it bother me so much, Doc? I don't know, but it's funny when you have two people come together, a male and female, who are radically different, think different, process different, have different family backgrounds, and you bring them together, you're going to have. Conflict, confusion, all that kind of stuff. And so sometimes, again, getting back to extending grace, if we understand why our spouse is that way. And then say, oh, okay, I might not like it.

But the other thing we have to realize, too, she or he may never change in that area.

So of all 37 years, I'm telling you.

So of all things they do, can I live with that? You know, can I just live with that? And, you know, and because it becomes a big deal, then it becomes a big deal. And so it's like Gary Chapman shares a story about. His wife will leave indoor the drawers open in the kitchen all the time.

Drove him crazy. They had fights over, and then he finally said he figured out it takes about eight minutes, eight seconds to close all the drawers. He says, argument or eight seconds. She's probably never going to change. And so you just kind of pick your battles.

You know, there's some things you do have to have discussion on. Wash your hands. It probably takes me 20 seconds to wash my hands. Yeah, wash them, keep going. Say, did you wash your hands?

Yes, I did. And keep rolling.

So it just depends. Anyway, I just found that fascinating, Mike. And you brought this up. I appreciate it, buddy. Appreciate your call.

And you guys have a great time up there tonight. God bless. Oh, God bless. Bye-bye. All right, how about you?

I know there's something under your skin. This is your chance. 866-348-7884-866-348-7884. Again, make it a date night coming up this Tuesday, July 15th. It's at Salem Baptist Church.

Wonderful facility up there. Again, you can go to Truth Network's Facebook page. They got a QR code there where you can click the link and fill out the form to get the tickets. But again, it's an amazing thing marriage is. It can bring us just absolute, but when it's going wrong, It's it's difficult.

It's it's it's painful. It's uh sometimes it We lose hope. But you know And it and it's amazing that God would bring two entities so radically different together. But when we work together for unity, it's incredible. Oh, it really, really is.

It's like it can bring you heaven or it can bring you the other. 866. 348-7884. We only have one more segment, and we need your call. We would love to hear from you.

Again, 866-348-7884. We'll be right back. Truth talk lies. You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. How about your marriage?

What happens when you come home? And the wife says, we need to talk. Yeah. What does that bring up in your mind? You know, how is it going?

It fascinates me. We are so blessed, really, to have with us Dr. Schuler out of Colorado Springs and his ministry, his book, as we talked about: Keep Your Wife Your Best Friend. What a great title for a book, but we're so blessed to have him as... Um You know, what would you say to that Couple right now, it's like, man, this just is, we are on the rocks.

It is not going to happen.

Well, first I want you to have hope. Because God does care about your marriage, He cares about you as individuals, and He wants the very best for you. If you're a Christian couple and you're on the rocks, I would pray for God to send someone to you. One thing we've had, we've had marriage mentors, I've had older men speaking to my life, which is so so important, who have great marriages, and they've helped me with that. But also, not just the word of God, but also there's so many ways that look at each other and begin to go back.

What brought attracted you to each other? That person's still there. And then, why are you on the rocks? What are some things you're struggling with? And then go back and look at those and see not what He needs to do, or what does she need to do, but what can we do together to make our marriage better?

And I think we start working together, then I think some neat things can happen because God. Unfortunately, the reason they called me the love doctor is because I counsel a lot of Christian couples that have had affairs. And. When they put the work in, I think God's giving me a blueprint to help these couples. And Robbie was amazing.

When they put the work in, God just transforms their marriage. We don't. restore it because that wasn't working. We rebuild it based on biblical principles. And everyone every person in that couple, in every couple individual said to me, I hate that we had an affair in our marriage, but our marriage is better now it's ever been.

And what happens is, those couples are, somehow God connects with other couples that are struggling in that same area. And what was their misery?

Now becomes their ministry, and it is phenomenal.

So, I just want to encourage this couple: don't give up. If you don't give up, you'll win if you don't give up. Yeah, you talked earlier in your book about your own struggle with pornography. Yes, yes. And I had one that, interestingly, one of the best things that happened to my marriage, and don't try this at home necessarily, you know, because my wife went and saw the movie Fireproof and told me, if I ever found out you do anything like that, you know, we're done, it's over, right?

And so I knew this was a lake, you know, I wasn't lighting this dynamite, right? But, you know, God provided healing for me, and then it became obvious through a marriage retreat I went at that he wanted me to tell Tammy about that. And her forgive in other words, to an extent, Tammy always loved somebody who wasn't the person she loved. You know, she didn't realize underneath there was this really broken person. And so my fear was always that she would if she knew the real me, she wouldn't love me.

So when I was in that position to truly tell her what was going on in my life and she forgave me and again, it was intensely painful for me to watch how I tore her world apart by revealing my struggle to her. But through that On the other side, when she did forgive me, then all of a sudden I felt like for the first time in my life. She was, I was loved, not who she thought I was. And so the mask was getting the love. Hmm.

And all of a sudden, now I was getting it. And so It It was an amazing thing from my standpoint, right? That's incredibly powerful. Yeah, and that's. Really, that's what marriage is.

We were all broken in some kind of way. And when we learn to See the brokenness. not always accept That were broken, but began to work through it. That's what really makes a strong marriage. It's not two perfect people, it's two broken people.

who need Jesus' help. to work through the stuff and the same thing when i Brenda never knew which I hate to say it because I was so devious that I was addicted right right but when got but when I got delivered uh she's first person I told and I don't ever want to see a look on her face again it was so painful for her which I didn't know how she felt but I could see the pain and we had to begin to work through that but now she really supports me and encouraged me to share about that because when we're speaking to groups 500 thousand people about marriage and I share that there's so many people in the audience who are struggling with that not just men but women as well but it but it becomes a powerful tool and Like you talked about your pornography, when we in mind. When it comes to light. Sin loses its power. And so it's really important that we talk about that.

So, again, thanks for bringing that up.

Well, as you brought it up, I thought, you know, this is. And to some extent, it gives me hope for marriages. Where there's been an affair, because if it's pornography, you've lusted over. You've had many affairs, right? You don't even want to think about how many that's involved in that.

And so, what chance would any marriage have? Yeah, yeah, and they're those affairs, they're emotional affairs, you know, because all that happens before you have the physical affair, right?

So, so it's really, really important. And for our listeners, I have a free video series. It's just my website, it's clarencechuler.com. It's called Common Mistakes Most Couples Make.

So, if you go to my website, it says Clarence, not Clarence, and Schuler is S-H-U-L-E-R. We were poor, we couldn't afford a C or extra L.

So, Clarence Schuler.com, and you'll get 13 free videos.

So, that may help you in not just in pornography, but just in your relationship with one another. Right, and you can see, I mean, based on this conference, and I know Dr. Chapman fairly well because he was my pastor for a long time. I mean, these men are in this because they want to, they're not in this for anything, but they want to help your marriage. They want to give you an abundant life because maybe you remember, I hope you do, that when you were.

Those early days of dating, and you were walking on air and all that stuff.

Well, I'll bet you anything. Dr. Schuler will tell you the same thing I will: that you can have that after you've been married 40 years, and maybe to some extent, even better than walking on air like that. You're exactly right, it can get better. When you both work at it, and we said this off the air, you know, I can see my wife working at our marriage, and it just inspires me.

And I think she can see me working, and it's just incredible. And so I think it's really what's all about that we do that. I mean, honestly, we were doing something this week, and I said something. That wasn't true. I was accusing her of something, and I had to apologize.

And so I had to apologize to her. And she was so gracious in how she responded. And that just made me feel good that the way she received my apology. I said, wow, that's. We're getting better at this stuff, you know.

But we've been married for 40 years on the 27th of this month.

So we're, like everybody else, we're still in process. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And but it's a wonderful adventure, but God wants you to do it with him, not for him. Right?

And yes, that's critical. It absolutely is.

So I love the way that this discussion opened that You do not arrive on this particular journey. You're just, you know, and as you're doing that with him, you know, that's part of the joy of it.

Sometimes it's pushing in the relationship with him in the midst of when you're really feeling pain on the outside of it.

Well How I respond to God. or how I treat my spouse is a reflection of how I'm loving God. I mean, it's really a powerful piece. And I think the way you start this with humility. That's kind of the key.

And I think only God can empower us to even be humble, to want to serve our spouse or hear our spouse or work through those things instead of stuffing them under the bed.

So that was really important. Yeah, I love what C.S. Lewis said about. Getting a whiff of your intercess pool. For me, one of the secrets of my humility, or if I have any, and that's if you say you've got it, then you don't have it.

But when I get a whiff of that and I realize how broken I really am, then it gives me an opportunity to go, well, I guess I can wash my hands. Yeah. Well, that's true because biblical love is really not about emotion, it's about action. And if we do the right things, then the emotions come. And so we have to line up how we're thinking, I think with the Word of God, line up our actions with the Word of God, then our emotions will follow.

And so it makes it easier, not easy, but easier to wash your hands. Yeah, yeah, there you go. It's that I realize that, man, some of the stuff that I have pulled and been forgiven for from God and from my wife and my children and all that stuff, it's an opportunity to go, well, once I made this. Picture of a. There was an old guy who was blind, and he was holding up a guy that only had one leg.

Hmm. And it's a picture of the Christian experience. It's the blind leaving the lame leading the lame. I mean, or the lame leading the blind.

However that works, that we are so totally re dependent on one another that that's what the church really is. But that's the heart of God. And I think he's trying to teach us that through marriage. You know, if we learn to be, you know, dependent on one another, we can be dependent on him. If we depend on him, we can be dependent on one another.

So absolutely beautiful. Again, make it a date night. It's going to be, oh my goodness, I can tell you, what an opportunity with Dr. Gary Chapman, Dr. Clarence Schuler.

It's going to be at Salem Baptist Church from 7 to 9 p.m. It's $37 per couple. Not each, $37 per couple. They've got scholarships available if you just call their church office there at Salem Baptist Church. Or if you go to the Facebook page at Truth Network, Truth Network's Facebook page, there's a QR code that if you click on that, you can go ahead and get your tickets, get registered.

I'm sure it's going to be a packed thing and wow, what an opportunity. And I can tell you that I am sure blown away by, you know. This opportunity to be with you this week this evening, Doctor.

Well, Rob, thanks. It's been fun to be with you as well. And it's just, I'm just hoping to get to know you better as well.

So, but thank you for sharing about your marriage. It's just right on point.

So, thank you. We all have a story, don't we? We do. And there isn't anybody out there that doesn't have similar stuff. And if it weren't for Dr.

Chapman and people like you coming alongside of us, that was a commitment that Tammy and I actually made. We would try to make one of these events at least once a year. Because It's an adventure. It's like we take care of our cars. They need to tune up every so often.

Oh, yeah. Our marriages need that. It doesn't mean our marriage is in crisis, but we all need to get tuned up every now and then.

So here's your opportunity. Make it a date night. It's Tuesday night, May 15th. Be there. Thanks for listening.

Great show coming up tomorrow. Stay tuned.