Marriage and Family (Pt. 2)

Well, a couple of weeks ago in our series in Ephesians, we began to think of the meaning and components of a biblical marriage. I stress a biblical marriage.

And to do that, we went right back to the beginning. We looked at the opening chapters of Genesis and noted that while God's creation was good, He said that it was very good His creation, it was not good for man to be alone. God, who has created us in His image, has created us male and female. The two, the man and the woman, are distinct.

Let me emphasize that. In the beginning, as I said two weeks ago, God made us male and female, two distinct genders. Yet in marriage, the Scripture says, they become one. Now, we believe there's only one God, that one God made us in His image, and that one God subsists in three persons of the Trinity. These are three distinct persons in the Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And these three distinct persons in the Trinity are not interchangeable.

God the Father is distinct from God the Son, and God the Son is distinct from God the Holy Spirit, although all of them are God, the mystery of the Trinity. And so to confuse what God has made, as we are made in His image, confusing the differences between man and woman, which is increasingly common in our society, is contrary to God's created order. Right from the beginning, before the law was given, before there were Jews or Gentiles, right from the beginning of creation, God chose, in His wisdom, to make us male and female. Isn't it very interesting how our enemy continues to attack God's created order?

He does that, and we see it increasingly, not only in this country, but throughout Western civilization. Male and female are not interchangeable. No transgenderism in Scripture. Two distinct genders. Do we understand that, children, students? God made us either man or woman.

We do not transition from one to another. I read just recently, we're told that the terms father and mother speak of a hopelessly antiquated binary, and that in some forms, which used to have to state your mother and your father, it now states parent one and parent two. Isn't it crazy? And some have said, now we shouldn't have Mother's Day, but it should be Birthing Person Day. You don't know whether to laugh or to cry when you hear such nonsense.

Can you imagine going up to my mother and saying, happy Birthing Person Day? But this is the absurdity of what is going around us. Now being made in the image of the triune God means that we are created in the image of God, and we're created as relational beings. We are created to relate. First and foremost, we're created to have a relationship with God. He is our Creator.

He has made us. We are answerable to God. We're accountable to God.

We must trust God. We are created to have a relationship, not only with God, but with one another. And at its very essence, at its very core, the Christian faith is a relational faith. It's about trusting God. It's about having a relationship with God, having faith in God, a God who is 100% trustworthy. And therefore, to be authentically human as a person is to exist in relationship with others.

To live without meaningful, personal relationships, and I'm not just talking about marriage, is to miss one of the greatest joys of life. Isn't it true that one of the most significant, one of the most meaningful things that we do of all of the things we do in life is our relationship with our family, with our friends, with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Loving and being loved. Loving God and being loved by God.

Loving others and being loved by them. And good and lasting marriages are not based on wealth, are not based on possessions, are not based on success. Good and lasting marriages are based on love. Love is what matters. The Bible talks about a love which never fails, and so we pray for these couples that we saw that their relationship and their marriage is truly based on love. The love of God, and the love for one another, and the love for their children. And in Christian marriage, we experience in the grace of God the most loving, the most joyful, the most fulfilling, yet the most mysterious of all human relationships. Now, if we look out to our society, if we look out to the media, if we look out to social media, what do we find?

Are you really going to base your life on the latest fads and fads of celebrities or so-called social influencers? Often their own personal lives are a total mess. Now if we're wise, we look to this book given by our God who is our Creator. This is His living Word. And when it comes to marriage, we must look for what marriage is and what it should be, not to our society around us, which is constantly changing and getting in my view increasingly crazy. No, we look to what God has said so that the focus in marriage is not on our temporal happiness, not on our individual expression or ideas, but rather is rooted and founded in the very Word of God. Now our passage this morning is Ephesians chapter five, and we're going to look from verses 22 and following. But before we read that passage, I want to read some comments that I received from some of our children. Every service I prepare questions for our children, our third, fourth, and fifth graders. And a couple of weeks ago, the week before Easter when I began to speak on marriage and the family, I asked them this question.

And this is not for children. If you're single, this is a question I would ask you. What kind of person would you look for if you were to marry? Now this is the third, fourth, and fifth graders.

Here's some of the responses. Not all of them, but some of the wise responses. Little girl writes, I would look for a man that knows God, loves me, and knows Christ. He's also to be my best friend, my companion. That was someone who was listening to the message.

I hope the parents got it as well. A boy writes, a person who is kind, loves God, a person I can trust, and a person who loves me. A girl writes, a Christian, nice, funny, someone who has good fashion.

Looking out, that rules out a lot of you. I don't know about funny, but I would say, yep, marry somebody who can make you laugh. A joyful and energetic, she doesn't want to couch potato men, so a number of you have ruled out, and someone who's understanding. I thought, that is great.

I'd like to meet that little girl. Another girl writes, I look for a kind and supportive man. A boy writes, I would marry someone I can trust, someone I love, and someone I can be free with.

Very good. A boy writes, a friend, a Christian, and he puts in parentheses, Pastor Monroe, I don't like dogs. Two weeks ago I talked about dogs.

So, and I realized, my wife said, you know that all, the only thing people are going to remember about that message is dogs. So, bad illustration. A boy writes, he wants to marry a pretty girl.

I mean, come on, you can't blame him. A pretty girl that loves God, and is not older or taller. And I got that as well. I married a pretty girl, one who's not older than me, and she doesn't look older, does she?

No. And she's only five feet two, but I love her. And here a boy writes, a future theologian I think, he says, I'm going to marry a person with a growing relationship with Christ, premarital abstinence, obeys God's Word, loves God, regularly attends church, and has a consistent prayer life. He may have difficulty finding a wife like that, but there are some out there. And the girl writes, I would find a Christian man who loves the Lord, who loves me and takes care of me. And I thought, in all seriousness, this is really hopeful for our next generation, isn't it? I thought if we raise at Calvary, if we raise at Calvary children and students who have that view of marriage, that would be wonderful. So let's open our Bibles to Ephesians 5. I'm going to read, first of all, verses 22 through 24. Paul is going to write to wives, he's going to write to husbands, he's going to write to children, and he's going to write to fathers.

And we're going to go through that very quickly today. First of all, he writes to wives. Ephesians 5, verse 22, wives.

Wives, are you listening? Submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now think of the spiritual context. This teaching on marriage, as Paul writes in the book of Ephesians, is written in the context of those who have been saved by the grace of God, who were once pagans in Ephesus. They have been saved, they've been transformed, and now they're to live out the Gospel in their lives. And he said in chapter five, verse 18, that we are to be filled with the Spirit. That is, the individual who comes to saving faith in Jesus Christ is indwelt by the Holy Spirit. And so as we go through life, we have this supernatural resource. Remember on Easter, I said that Christ gives us power for the present.

He gives us forgiveness for the past, power for the present, hope for the future. And so as you live, and in particular as you live in your home, in your marriage, God — this is wonderful to notice — that if we're filled with the Spirit, we're going to be controlled by the Spirit, and God is going to help us. And one of the results of those who are filled with the Spirit, verse 21, this applies to all of us, men or women, we are, verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. That is, followers of Jesus Christ are characterized by humility. And following Jesus must impact our relationships.

If you're going through life and you're fighting with everyone, and you can't get on with anyone, you need to examine whether or not you're really walking by the Spirit. Because those who are Spirit-filled, we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. We acknowledge that the Lord Jesus is our Master. Being a Christian means that we surrender our will to Christ.

I'm saying as I come to Jesus Christ, I have sinned, I need your forgiveness, I need you to indwell me, and I need your help as I live my life, and I am now to follow Jesus. Not society, not my own sinful desires, not my ego, but I'm to follow Jesus. That takes humility. That takes the power of the Spirit. And this submission is evidenced as we live, as we submit to the governing authorities.

That's not always easy, but we're to do that. As we submit to our law enforcement officers, as we submit to our employers, as we submit to our spiritual leaders, as children submit to parents and so on, that God, who is a God of order, has an order in society. He's an order in marriage. He's an order in the church. And in the context of marriage, what does it mean for a Christian wife to submit in the fear out of reverence for Christ?

What does that mean? Paul tells us. I just read the verses 22 through 24. Notice she's to do it, verse 22, as to the Lord. The wife's motivation for submitting to her husband is a spiritual response. She's doing it as to the Lord, and she is to submit to her own husband. Please note, all wives are not subject to all men.

That's chauvinism. No, Paul says, you're to submit to your own husband. And says Paul, very interestingly, as the church is submissive to Christ, so wives are to be submissive to their own husbands.

He's drawing a parallel. Christ is the head of the church. We the church are to submit to Christ in the same way in marriage, the husband is the head and the wives are to submit to their husbands. Now what does this mean, this submission?

It's often seen as a very negative word, isn't it, in our society? People don't like the thought of being submissive. We're to be aggressive. We're to fight for ourselves.

We're to protect our own interests and rights and so on. The perfect example of submission is given by Lord Jesus Christ in His incarnation. When the Lord of glory, when God the Son came into this world, born in Bethlehem, when He came, He said — now He's equal with God — He said, I came not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent me. That is, in His incarnation as man on earth, our Lord Jesus is in submission to His Father. Does that mean that He is not equal with His Father?

Of course He is. God the Son and God the Father are equal. To deny that is heresy.

No, they are equal. They are God. But in His incarnation, He voluntarily humbles Himself and comes into this world not to do His own will, but the will of Him who sent me. So this submission in a Christian life does not mean inferiority. This submission is not a derogatory or demeaning term. This submission is not slavish obedience.

No. I've met men over the years who use these Scriptures as an excuse for harsh, dictatorial, and unkind treatment. They think they can control their wives. If their wife goes out to Harris Teeter, they say, well, I expect you back in 30 minutes or 45 minutes.

And they are dictators in their home. That's not what Paul is saying. I remember several years ago, a man called me several times, five o'clock in the morning. Now I get up fairly early, but not at five o'clock.

Some of you do, I know. Now if somebody calls me at five o'clock, I think there's an emergency going on, don't you? And he says to me, pastor, he said, I'm having problems with my wife. OK, what's the problem? She's not doing what I tell her. OK, this sounds as if the problem is you, not your wife when you state it like that. He said, I want you to go through Scripture, Old Testament and New Testament, and write out all of the Scriptures telling my wife to obey me. I thought, this is absolute nonsense.

I said, no, I'm not going to do it. I said, there's just one Scripture I give to you, and I'm going to come to it in a minute in Ephesians 5, 25, husbands love your wives. No, this man was abusive. That marriage didn't last, because the man had no understanding of leadership.

He wanted to be a dictator. He wanted to be in total control, and as I looked into it, he was in fact abusing his wife. No, this submission that Paul is talking about is a voluntary submission, where the wife yields to her husband's leadership out of love. It is a surrender of the wife's interest to those of her husband. No, the husband is not a dictator forcing submission, and this submission is not an absolute submission. A Christian wife is not to do anything contrary to the Word of God or to her conscience, even if her husband asks her. Her top allegiance is not to her husband, it's to the Lord. And Paul says that, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. And this submission exists, as we're going to see, in a total context of a loving and respectful relationship between one man and one woman. But first, Paul says, verses 22 through 24, wives submit to your own husbands. Secondly, husbands love your wives. Let's read that from verse 25, Ephesians 5, 25. Husbands, a lot of husbands here today, you're listening?

This is God speaking to you, God speaking to me. Love your wife, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. Because we're members of His body, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

Notice that. We are to leave our fathers and mothers. We're going to form a new unit under God and we're going to hold fast men to our wives. Total fidelity, total loyalty men. We'll hold fast to our wives and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Here is the teaching. Husbands, love your wives. Now again, think of the spiritual context. The instructions to husbands to love her wives as Christ loved the church flows from a context of being filled with the Spirit. And men, let me say again, your wife is not your slave.

Some of you may treat them like that. That is totally against Scripture. Peter says in 1 Peter 3 verse 7 that our wives are co-heirs with you in the grace of life. They are our spiritual equals. Peter says you are to honor them.

You're to treat them in an understanding, in a sensitive way. That may not be our greatest trait, men, to be sensitive, but we are under the work of the Spirit within us to live with our wives in a tender, sensitive way. We're not only to love our wives — what does Paul say? — husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. I think if I wasn't a believer in Christ, I would still love my wife, but not only am I to love my wife, I'm to love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. That's a high order, isn't it? You say that's almost impossible when we think of Christ's love for us, but through the power of the Spirit of God within us, the more we draw from the love of God and the deeper around our understanding of God's love for us, men, the more we will be able to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

In fact, let me say this. You can see how much a husband loves Christ by how much he loves his wife. You are, men, not only to love your wife, you're to love your wife as Christ loves the church. You say, well, my wife's a very difficult person to live with.

I wish I had known that. I mean, she's got really difficult. She's a bit of a nag. She's always after me.

I can't do anything to please her, and I find her a very difficult person to live with. As pastors, I hear these things, and I always think, well, I'm glad you're living with her and not me. But think of this.

Seriously, think of this way. How does Christ love us? Men, does Jesus Christ stop loving you when you're difficult? Do you think you deserve the love of Jesus Christ? Think how often God in His grace has forgiven you. Think of how God puts up with you. Now, I am to understand that as Christ loves the church, I am to love my wife.

Jesus Christ never treats us other than in a loving way, even when we wander, even when we go against His will. Husbands, Paul says, you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church, and you are to nourish and cherish her. Think of these mothers as they take their babies. There's a tenderness, isn't there? As a mother nourishes and cherishes a child. It almost comes naturally to a mother, doesn't it?

That relationship is wonderful. Men, we are to nourish and cherish our wives. And the more we walk with God, the closer I am to my Lord Jesus Christ, the closer I will be to my wife. And the less I love God, the less I'm going to love my wife. And so, you say, well, I'd like to do this. I've had men say to me, you know, you know John, I know I should love her, but you don't know her, and I just can't.

I know I should. This is not some emotional, gushy love, and it's certainly not an erotic, lustful love. It is a decision. It's an act of the will. You are commanded to love your wife. And this love, this agape love, is a sacrificial love as Christ sacrifices Himself for us.

He lays down His life for us. This is a love which gives and gives and gives in the interest of others. So men, we're not only to be the leader in the marriage, we're to be the lover in the marriage. We're to be prepared to give our life for our wives, submitting our own desires, our own preferences for the good of our wife and for the good of our home.

No, as I say, this is not some emotional, gushy sort of love. It's a decision. It's an act of the will.

You can decide to do this, to seek the welfare of your wife beyond your own, expecting nothing in return. First Corinthians 13, love is kind, love is patient, love doesn't keep an account of wrong. And read that list again, which is often read at weddings.

In 1 Corinthians 13, as Paul tells us, the very nature of love, and it's not so much an emotion, although that emotion will come, it's an act of the will. There was this couple, Mr. and Mrs. Brown. They'd been married for, let's say 12 years. And Mr. Brown had never been the most emotional or expressive individual.

And over the years, his expression of love for his wife had kind of faded. Opposite them, right opposite them were their neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And Mr. and Mrs. Smith seemed to be very different. And as Mr. and Mrs. Brown watched them every morning, as Mr. Smith was leaving for work, he stood at the open door, his wife came, and he gave a tremendous hug to Mrs. Smith and gave her a big kiss. And Mrs. Brown watched this and said to Mr. Brown, he said, you know, you should do that. And he says, what? Kiss Mrs. Smith every morning?

I hardly know the women. So, no, don't kiss Mrs. Smith, kiss your own wife. But love sometimes withers, doesn't it? And sometimes in marriage, we begin to take each other for granted, and that love which was once there, we wake up one day and we think, what has happened?

What has happened? You've grown away from the Lord. In this marriage of equals, men and women, husbands and wives, are going to help each other to realize their potential. There are many men who are very active, very successful, very energetic, very creative at their work, at their business and their hobbies, but when they come home, they're passive, they're non-creative, they're non-energetic in their own home.

Don't be like that, men. You're to lead your family. You're to love your wife and children. You're to lead them spiritually, and you're to do that with love, with tenderness, with sensitivity. So submission for the wife is the divine calling to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and joyfully to respond to her husband, granting him respect. Did you notice the last verse I read of Hebrews 5? However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. This word respect may not be the best translation.

It's the same word used in verse 21 where it's translated in the English Standard Version as reverence. So our wives are, in a sense, have to have a sense of respect. It's really the word fear. Fear is perhaps a negative concept for us. It's not that the wife is to be afraid of the man obviously, but she has to have a deep respect for him.

Why? Because he's loving her as Christ loved the church. Wives? Do you respect your husband?

You should. Pretty sad, isn't it, for some wives to go and demean their husbands? Men are often demeaned in movies and in the media, aren't they, that we're seen as kind of stupid people. And the wives are the bright, intelligent ones, and men and husbands are often put down. Wives, don't talk about your husband in a derogatory way. Yes, he's got many problems, but when women get together, for a woman to talk badly about her husband with him not being there, that is deadly. You know what happens?

You know what I found out what happens? Sooner or later, some woman who's heard that tells so-and-so and it comes back to the man, and then the wife wonders why he's so upset when he has been spoken about in such a derogatory way. That is not what Paul is saying. Paul is saying, wives, respect your husband. You got a problem with him? He's failing? Yes.

There's a way of dealing with that, but it's not to disrespect him, not to speak down to him. Following these biblical responsibilities, you know what it does? It preserves our marriages. It protects our marriages. And with so many marriages falling and failing, Christian marriages are to shine with the beauty of the Lord Jesus Christ.

What a powerful apologetic that is. In a world where people talk about relationships, but often the relationships are shallow or silly or superficial. What a power this can be for a Christian home to shine with the beauty of Jesus Christ as we follow the teaching of Scripture. Any women here are single? If you're thinking of marrying a man, ask yourself this question. Do you see yourself in the role of helping this man? You say, what do you mean? Two weeks ago we read from Scripture that Adam is made a perfect man and God says to him, it's not good for you to be alone.

I'm going to make a helper suitable to you. So this man you're thinking of dating, this man you're thinking of marrying, do you see yourself as helping him? Do you respect him? Is this going to be the kind of man that you can respect? Do you see him as a spiritual leader? Do you see him as someone you can grow together in the Lord with?

Are you willing to come alongside him and help him? Single men, you see this woman, you're thinking of dating her or marrying her. Here's a question. Do you feel that you can love that woman as Christ loved the church? Well, I'm not talking about sexual attraction. I'm talking about something much deeper, something which will last. Do you have that kind of love for her? Are you willing to nourish and cherish that woman as your own flesh? Are you really willing to make vows before God that you're going to be faithful to her in sickness or in health? In our last church, there were a couple late 20s who got married and within the first year of marriage, the woman was a terrible accident and was left permanently injured in a wheelchair. We had to help her into the baptismal tank when she got married. And I spoke to a young man and I said, this must be extraordinary, difficult.

You get married, life's in front of you, it's exciting, this is the woman of your dreams and now you look forward to a life pushing someone in a wheelchair. And he said, you know, when my wife was going through rehab, some of the staff said, well I assume you're going to divorce her. And he said, no, I can't do that.

He said, I made a vow before God that I was going to be faithful to her until death I do part. Don't you admire someone like that? That is the love of God.

That is not natural. A young man is going to say, listen, I can't handle that. I mean, I'm going to put her in an institution. I'll meet someone else. But here is a deep, deep commitment before God that I'm going to nourish and cherish this woman, irrespective of what happens. And we have wonderful examples, don't we, in the Christian life of people doing that.

Well here's the third one. Wives are to submit to their husbands. Husbands are to love their wives. Third, children are to obey their parents.

Chapter 6, verses 1 through 3. Children, children are you listening? Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.

It doesn't really need much explanation, does it? Children, what are you to do? You're to obey your parents. You say, well, they keep telling me that.

Well, quite right. That's one of the Ten Commandments. Honor your father and mother. Now, once we get married and leave the home, we don't obey our parents in that sense. We're still to honor them, but on marriage we've seen we leave our father and mother and we cleave to her wife. And that is the priority.

Our priority is our new home. But when I'm in the home, children, students, what are you to do? You're to obey mom and dad.

You say, well, they're very difficult. They impose curfews and they're totally unreasonable. If you only knew how unreasonable my parents were, pastor, you would understand. Well, maybe you think they're unreasonable or not.

I don't know, but here it is. Obey your parents. That's what God wants.

And it says here that it may go well with you. Life is going to be very difficult for you if you continue to disobey your parents. It's going to be difficult for you. It's going to be difficult for your parents in the house when there's constant friction and they're shouting and there's disobedience.

Don't do that. This is part of being submissive. This is part of the calling of God in our life. In different situations, I'm to be in submission.

We'll see tonight that if I am an employee, I'm to be in submission to my employer. All of us are to be submissive. All of us are to demonstrate humility. And for children, obey your parents. If you don't, you're going to experience problems in your life. And if you don't learn to obey your parents, you're going to have difficulty obeying the schoolteacher, you're going to have difficulty obeying the boss, and you're going to be a person who goes through life rebelling. Don't be that. Listen to Scripture. It's wise.

Obey your parents. Here's the final one. Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger. You say, is that in the Bible?

Here it is. Ephesians 6 verse 4. Fathers, listening dads, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Positive, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That's what we're doing with the couples who are dedicating their children. They're saying, with God's grace and with His help, we're going to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And fathers, the spiritual initiative is yours. You're to take spiritual leadership. We all want our children to be well educated, socially adjusted, have opportunities in sports and arts and all of that, and all of that has its place, but parents, your first priority is the spiritual upbringing of your children.

That is number one. The home is the laboratory for the application of biblical truth in a relationship setting. This is where children are taught the Word, where they're prayed begins in the home, and it's your responsibility. The first responsibility for the spiritual development of your children is not Calvary Church.

It's not Calvary Christian Academy. It's not the youth pastor. The first responsibility is yours in your home. You're to pray for your children every day. Pray for them and with them. You're to read the Scriptures to them. You're to model Christ to them. You're to worship God with them. Yes, on the Lord's day, you're to come as the spiritual leader with your family. It's pretty tragic, isn't it, that sometimes we see the mom bringing the children to church and the dads at home.

What a poor example. What's a 14-year-old boy going to think when Sunday comes and his mom and perhaps the younger children go off to church and dads off to play golf. He's sitting at home. He's in the garden.

He's lying in bed. That's tragic. Don't do that. The spiritual responsibility is yours. On the Lord's day, make this a priority that you will come to church and worship as a family. You're to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

But here's the negative. Do not provoke your children to anger. Now, fathers, we can do this in all kinds of ways.

You can provoke your children to anger by playing favorites, not spending time with your children, not loving and caring for them, not trying to understand them. No, you are to be sensitive to the emotional, physical, social, and spiritual needs of each child. Your challenge is to know each child that you have if you have more than one child. You are to encourage. You are to motivate your children so that they will live to their full potential under the lordship of Jesus Christ. We believe, as we dedicate these children, that God has plans and purposes for each child.

We don't know what that is. A parent, a wise parent, doesn't seek to map out the career of each child. No, they get to know the child.

They are to guide rather than to control. And don't provoke your children to anger, particularly your son's dad's, by being too demanding. I speak with many men who are quite angry. One of the reasons they're angry is that when they were a teenager, they could never please their dad.

Some of you know exactly what I'm talking with. You grew up with a father, and you could never please him. He had expectations for you, whether on the sports field, whether academically or in some other way, or in business, and he has rarely said thank you, has rarely said, son, I'm proud of you. And a young man growing up in that household grows up angry, and the problem is often the father's. Don't expect, don't teach your children rather, to expect perfection from themselves or others.

We're in a fallen world. Remember your faults. Remember how it was with you when you were 14. Laugh with your children. Stop taking yourself too seriously. Take God seriously, but not yourself, and display to your family, please do this, display to your family God's love, God's forgiveness, God's truth, God's grace, God's tenderness.

Your children are looking at you. You profess to be a Christian. You're a Christian father. Where are your children going to learn about God's love and God's truth and the fact that God forgives us and God's grace? By a harsh, legalistic dad, or by a dad who is absent, or a dad who is totally absorbed in his own career or his own sport or his own little life? No.

Produce a tenderness. Lead, just be a strong leader with love and tenderness and praise your children more than you criticize. Your children mess up, yes.

They need to be disciplined, yes. I believe in discipline. I believe your children should obey you, that's true. But praise your children more than criticize them. And you can provoke your children, particularly as they become older, by a lack of trust. I understand you have to protect your children. I understand you have to set boundaries. I understand you have to impose curfews. I understand that. But don't treat your children when they're teens as if they're still little children.

Do you know what that produces? Weak men, overprotective men. In his book, Men to Boys, the Making of Modern Immaturity, by Gary Cross, who's a Penn State University historian, he writes this, everywhere I turn today, I see men who refuse to grow up.

Do you notice this? You get men who are 30 and they're still like little boys. He says, I see husbands of 35 who enjoy playing the same video games that obsess 12-year-olds, boyfriends who will not commit to marriage or family. Listen to this, fathers who fight with umpires or coaches at their son's Little League games, or could I add, at champ sports games. Do you think that happens? You get a six-year-old playing a game of soccer and coaches are fighting with each other. It sounds absolutely absurd. That happens.

Do you know what's happened? Men who are still little boys. And he asks, and he's not writing from a Christian perspective, he asks, where have all the men gone? Now this is not to raise macho men, as it were.

I remember, and I think I've said this before, when we lived in Michigan and my son was 14 years old and he came home one day and he said, you know, Michigan, big hunting community there. And he said, Dad, you're not a real man. And I said, well, OK. And he's about six feet at the time, so I'm not going to argue too much with him.

And I says, what do you mean? He said, you don't have a truck and you don't have a gun. And I said, well, if that's what it takes to be a man, I don't have a truck and I don't have a gun. I said, I have the shield of faith around me.

He didn't, he wondered if it would stop bullets, but I think it does. I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about something macho. We're different personalities, but men from Scripture are to look and act as men. What's one of our problems in our society? We have more and more men who are feminine and more and more women who want to be masculine.

It's absurd, isn't it? God created us, male and female. And in your home, God may have given you boys, He may have given you girls, He may have given you both. You are to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And before I conclude, let me say something, in case I've forgotten, about children. You see all the children last week up here? You see the children that were dedicated today as an example?

Think of our nursery. Can I say to everyone but men, whether you're married or single, don't ever, ever abuse any children. We have an epidemic, don't we, in our society of abuse of children. Men abusing little boys, men abusing little girls, sometimes in their home, sometimes in the sports field, sometimes at school, sometimes in the church. Please, please, please, never, ever abuse a child.

And if you're some person who's doing that, in God's name I appeal to you, stop. We see as a church the wreckage of life spoiled by children and young men and young women who were abused in all kinds of ways. These are a precious gift to us.

We have hundreds of children, hundreds of students, and I ask that you pray that God will protect us. Well, marriage, as we look at the Scriptures, it's not about power, it's not about control, it's about love, it's about caring, it's about serving, it's about respect. And in the spiritual bond of marriage, the family becomes the place where children are raised in an atmosphere of love and security. Now I know there's no perfect husbands, there's no perfect homes, there's no perfect wives, there's no perfect children. And our Lord Jesus, this is the wonder of the Gospel, our Lord Jesus came to save us, to transform us, to meet us where we are. And if you have never received Christ as your Savior, I appeal to you to do that, to have Christ in your heart first and then in your home, and to allow the Lord Jesus to transform all of these relationships.

Solomon says, unless the Lord builds a home, we labor in vain who build it. And as I preach this message, I realize some of you feel you've really blown it. There are wives here who have not. Some wives here have been very critical, very disrespectful to their husbands.

There's husbands that have not been loving to their wives. But let me remind you, God is a God of restoration. You say, what are you to do? You're to do what all of us must do from time to time, to get on our knees before God. And if you're a couple and there's friction and problems within your marriage, and perhaps you feel you're at the breaking point, tonight before you go to bed, can you just kneel down at your bed? Hold each other's hands and cry out to God for His help.

God is faithful. God will give you, I promise, God will give you all of the help, all of the wisdom, all of the power, all of the grace, all of the peace that you need if you humble yourself. If you have a desire to repent of the past and claim the power of Christ for the present, you certainly in your marriage, in your home and in your life will have hope for the future as you cry out to our Lord Jesus Christ. Will you bow with me? We're going to sing a hymn, and I think it's got a long introduction and use that to do business with God.

Man, if there's something you need to confess, you need to confess now and then have a conversation with your wife, wives the same. Those of you are single, perhaps you're in a dating situation and it's not godly. Will God give you the grace to end it and to look to Him to bring someone in your life so that you can have a truly Christian marriage? And may all of us humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God knowing that as we go forward, He will hold us fast. Father, I pray for the marriages here, for husbands, for wives, for moms, dads. I pray for all of our children, all of Calvary's children from the nursery right through high school. I pray for our singles. I pray for those who are about to get married with so many young married couples, older couples. I pray for those who are separated even now.

I pray that You'll give them the grace to humble themselves and instead of pointing out the problems of their partner, may acknowledge their own short givings and that marriages will be saved under Your mighty hand. We thank You for the gift that You give us. We thank You for our wives, for our husbands. We thank You for the joy that You give us. We thank You for the wonderful marriages and families we have here at Calvary, but all of us need Your help. Help us, we pray, in Christ's name. Amen.