Marriage that Works - Is There a Man in the House?, Part 2

Hey, guys, do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it isn't enough, especially when it comes to your marriage? Well, let me let you in on a secret.

Most of us men were never taught how to be a man. And today on Living on the Edge, you're going to hear right from God how to be a man, what to do, and how to pull it off by His power and grace. Stay with me. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.

Living on the Edge is an international teaching and discipleship ministry focused on helping Christians live like Christians. Well, in this program, we'll continue our series, Marriage That Works. Last time, Chip talked about the impact of God honoring men in the home and the devastation that occurs when they're absent. Today, he'll continue redefining what manhood should look like in a marriage and a family.

There's a lot of helpful wisdom to get to, so here's Chip with part two of his message, Is There a Man in the House? He begins in Ephesians chapter five, verse 22. Wives, be subject to your own husbands and to the Lord.

Here's the reason. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. So there's a role, there's a responsibility here. He himself, Jesus, being the savior of the body, but as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands and everything.

Here's where it gets hard. Husbands, love your wives. Well, how? Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Well, why did he do that? That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word. That he might present to himself a church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and be blameless.

Application. So there's this some connection between a husband loving a wife the same way Jesus loves his church, so husbands ought to love their own wives, how? As their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself because the two of them ever became one. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church because we're his members. Now guys, if you have a pen, pull it out. I want you to circle and underline a few words. First of all, I want you as quickly as you can to scan that and every time the word love is there, circle it, circle it, circle it, circle it, circle it.

You're going to get something real quickly, right? Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church. No man loved his own body, right? This word is not phileo love. Be a good friend.

Be loyal. This is not eros love. This isn't sexual love.

This isn't even storge love which is have a good family connection. This is agape love. Agape love is not an emotional love.

It may or may not have emotion. Agape love is unconditionally giving another person what they need the most when they deserve it the least at great personal cost. That's how Jesus loved you. That's how Jesus loved me. When I was in my sin, when I didn't want any of God's help and I absolutely didn't deserve it, Christ died in my place. When Jesus was in the garden and he was fully man and fully God and in his humanness knowing that God the Father would turn his face away from him and your sin and my sin would be placed on him, he said, you know, basically translation, if there's a plan B that we haven't thought of, why don't we go with plan B instead of this cross stuff. Nevertheless, not my will, right?

But yours. Listen, Jesus did not emotionally want to die for you. He didn't feel like it. He chose to. Agape love is a choice.

It's a choice. When I as a man treat my wife well, when I'm sensitive to her, when I care about her, when I respond in ways that God wants me to because I feel really good about her, that's a good thing. It's a far greater thing when she hurts me and wounds me and is acting in ways that make me feel like I want to push her away.

Agape love is I give her what she needs the most when she deserves it the least at great personal cost. Now women, that's what God calls your husband to do to you. That's not hard. Again, that is absolutely impossible from the Spirit of God working inside your husband's heart and life and him being absolutely committed to doing that. Notice it says that he might sanctify her. Will you circle the word sanctify her and underneath that it says present to himself. The word sanctify means to set apart, to make her holy. And don't let that word holy conjure up big black robes and candles lit in a dark room. It means special.

And to set apart just means absolutely special. And he says Jesus did that for us as church as a man. My job is to help my wife become the special person that God wants her to become. Jesus stated by the washing of the water with the word.

The word there in Greek it's the rhema, not just the logos, but it's the spoken word. Jesus speaks life into his church. My job as a husband is speak life into the soul of my wife. Affirmation and encouragement.

Truth from God that he's giving to me. Caring for her. It goes on to say, notice those two little words about how this happens. Nourishes and cherishes. Put a box around nourishes and put a box around cherishes.

How do I love my wife? The word nourish literally means to feed. It means to be devoted to. It means to provide for in everything. It means to promote the development and the maintenance of the health of something.

So to nourish something, now think of this guys, this was so foreign to me. I mean I just basically thought you need to get married, you fall in love, you're attracted to her, you have some kids, things work out. You play a lot of softball and basketball and she cooks a lot and you hope it works.

I'm sorry, I mean that's all I knew. And then I became a Christian. Then I realized God has all these needs that he created my wife to have and he created me as the instrument that he wants to meet many of those needs, just like he created her to meet many of mine. And so I'm to develop and maintain and help her mentally, spiritually, emotionally and relationally become all that God created her to become. That's to nourish and the word cherish here literally means to keep warm. It means to commune in ways that make sense to her.

It means to be to her that sense of safety and comfort. It's guys why they want to do things that don't make any sense like let's talk and you say what about and I say nothing. Then why do you want to talk? I mean we want to get something done because how did your day go? Fine. It went fine.

No, no, no. She wants to hear what's going on inside? Why was it fine?

What happened? She wants connected to your soul. She wants to know that you ask questions like how are you feeling? What's going on inside? What are your concerns? What's your biggest fear right now?

How are you handling it? Do you want to stop right now together and pray about that? What she needs is a leader. What she needs is a man. A man who sees his role not as what can I get but a man who sees his role from God to provide everything for his wife that Jesus gave to the church. Clarity, leadership, cherishing, devotion, development and for most of us as men we never saw that.

We never saw that in our home. And so it's pretty hard to pull off. But I will tell you, you say to God, God will you help me be that kind of man? Whether you're 30 or 50 or 70, God will answer that prayer. And the moment you begin to become this kind of man, really significant things happen. So in summary what we have is a man's role is to assume the same kind of responsibility for their wives and give the same kind of love to the point of actually physically dying for your wife that Jesus did for the church.

I in summary would say that's what a leader is in the home. That's a real man. A real man is not playing hard, making money, dropping it in and living your own kind of separate life and longing for everyone to meet your needs. Down deep what I can tell you for most of us, quote men, is that we don't know how to do what I just described. All people and especially we as men are very insecure. The reason that we spend so much time in sports and work is we're competent there. And men like to do what we know how to do.

I know how to shoot a basketball, I can hit a baseball, I know how to work, I can be successful there, I'm comfortable there. I don't know how to pray with a woman. I don't know how to be a dad. I don't know how to discipline a kid.

I mean all I knew was it's a very thick book and it's got a lot of pages and I'm supposed to know it, are you kidding? I don't know how to develop a woman's femininity in my daughter. But I'll tell you what, I came to the conclusion I was going to make it the primary goal of my life after knowing God. Let me ask you kind of just six diagnostic questions about who's carrying the weight of responsibility in your home or you could say who's leading.

And these are not in your notes, just listen and all I want you to do, and this again, this is not to make you feel bad, this is just to bring you out of denial. If I would have read these questions to me the first two years of our marriage just in advance, I want you to know five out of six I would say Teresa does. That's not true anymore and that's grace. Question number one, who initiates spiritual growth in your home? Is it the wife or the husband who says, you know why don't we sit down and let's talk about this or why don't we get in the Bible together or let's clear up the dishes or wow, you know that's difficult, let's stop right now and pray. Second, who handles the money?

I didn't say who makes the most, who handles it? Who feels the pressure that did that bill get paid? Did we pay that online yet?

Is the check written out? Where are we at? How much debt? Third, who disciplines the children when you're both at home? You or your wife?

Fourth, who initiates talking about problems, future plans and areas to develop? What about retirement? What about our kids? What school should they go to? Do we want to have kids?

How many? What about, what about, what about? Who's asking the kind of questions that beg the question like, like where are we going? Fifth, who asks the most questions in your home and who gives the most statements? Who's constantly asking questions like well, have we made a decision about what we're going to do with, who's doing that in your home? See, that's the person that feels responsibility. Well, how do you move on? How do we, how do we get this in a way that becoming real men where we're at? How do we assume the responsibility and what does it mean?

Let me give you three very specific ways as men we can start, okay? And by the way, if you're still, if you're feeling a little bit like my lands, this guy is killing me. I understand. But how you're living down deep is killing you. You were made to lead. You were made to be strong. You were made to have courage. You were made to make a difference.

You were made to feel the responsibility and the joy of watching something bloom and develop and have kids look up to you. You are not Homer Simpson. You matter. You're smart. You're valuable. You have worth. And you can do this by the grace of God.

How? Number one, husbands must love their wives sacrificially. That's out of verse 25. Love her in a way, sacrificial means love her in a way that costs you something. And under that in your notes, I'm going to give you three specific ways to love your wife where it costs you something.

Number one is in preference, okay? Sometimes you need to communicate to your wife, especially if you're kind of coming out of sort of a like I was, really consumed with me and my world and my stuff. Sometimes you need to do something where she knows you really love this and you choose to do something that says, and she looks at you and goes, are you kidding? You gave up that? Now, this is a very trite illustration and turn the clock back and I've got young children and I'm not the leader that I need to be. And God, I'm on this journey.

I'm just learning to do this and I know I need to live sacrificially. Well, they used to have the slam dunk like at halftime or something. And so the all-star game's on.

It's slam dunk. I've got my little boys. We're all rooting and screaming like guys do. And I'm sitting there like this and I'm watching it. And I mean, I've been waiting all year for this.

And you know, some of the old greats of many years ago, and guys are slamming, slamming, slamming. It was really great. And I just happened to look over and I saw my wife and she wasn't mad. She wasn't upset.

I didn't get any feeling like you shouldn't be doing that. But I read on her face just her countenance, something disturbing her. And then a thought that could have only come from God because I would never think it. And I heard this little voice inside say, you know, Chip, why don't you get up from watching this game and ask Teresa if she wants to go on a walk and find out what's going on inside. And I literally, in my mind and heart said, surely you jest.

I mean, are you kidding me? And not that I've never had these promptings before, but I actually somehow, by the Spirit of God, I actually went. And I walked over and said, hey, honey, how are you doing? And she said, oh, fine, you can watch the game.

I said, no, no. You want to take a walk? Well, don't you want to watch it? No, I can catch that later.

There'll be reruns or something. And so we take a walk. And all of a sudden, there's all kind of stuff going on in her heart. And she starts to open it up and talk. And then we ended up, I think, getting a cup of coffee afterwards and talk a little bit more. And it was one of those windows, one of those moments. And then she said this weird thing. She turned to me, said, gosh, Chip, I feel so loved right now. I said, I didn't do anything. I'm walking around and I ask a few questions and I listen for like an hour and 15 minutes. What's that got to do with love?

We didn't accomplish anything. Men think, right? And she goes, I know how addicted you are to sports and that you got up for me, sent me a very powerful message. Where do you need to love your wife where it costs you in preference?

You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll get back to our series, Marriage That Works, in just a minute. But first, if this teaching has ministered to you, consider becoming a monthly partner. Your regular financial support goes a long way to help us encourage pastors, create resources, and share Jesus with today's youth. Visit livingontheedge.org to learn how to support us today.

What with that here again is Chip. Second, it'll cost you, write the word time. The second place you need to love your wife is in time.

It requires time. The long, long, long, long work hours and the hobbies where some of you only have one day off a week and five and a half to six and a half hours is on a golf course and your family doesn't see you. Let me just tell you, it's stupid. Okay? It's just stupid. Because I'm going to tell you that once all that stuff happens and your kids get grown and they're away, you will wish you could get some of those hours back that you worked and you got plenty of time to get better at golf.

Now I'm going to tell you a little bit later, you need to have hobbies, you need to have men friends, you need to work out, you need to have fun with guys. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying to be a leader in your home, like anything, it requires time. So you lead and you say stuff like, you know, three or four, in my case, I was leading a very large church at the time, five or six nights a week, we ate together at 5.30. Did I have work before 5.30, after 5.30 in demands?

Absolutely. But my family and my wife knew we're going to eat together. And after we ate, we did this crazy stuff.

We actually pushed the plates to the middle and we talked. And then we often prayed. And at least a couple times during the week, I would say, you know, this is what I'm learning right now. And then I'd ask some of the kids as they got older, what are you learning?

And my kids knew rather than sort of a perfunctory devotions, everyone spends times in God's word, everyone's listening from God, we eat together, we share together. Second time, I tuck my kids in, not every night, but I fought with Teresa. Don't let your wife have all the fun. And by the way, talk about it and I love you. Hey honey, I'm not as good as you and they probably won't get as clean. I'll do the bass and I'll tuck them all in.

Why don't you just go hang out and do something? She'll rise up and call you blessed. And you know what? And there's a connection you'll get with your kids.

It requires time. You put them to bed, you eat together, you stand up. The third one beyond times, I had a date every week with my wife.

Now I didn't know what it did. I never saw a married couple have a date. I mean, that was so foreign to me, but I thought if she's going to be important and valuable, every Friday was my day off. We went to breakfast and she knew she had three or four hours no matter what that we were going to hang together. It shaped our marriage. And she knew it shaped our marriage. Now in that too, in terms of time, since I didn't know what we were doing, we read books together. We listened to CDs together.

We discussed them together. Why? Because I didn't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to be a dad. I didn't know how to be a husband. I didn't know how to be a man.

But you know what? There's a lot of people that have gone ahead of you and me. And I was insecure and she's going to know that I don't know what I'm doing. But when we, just the fact that I stepped up and said, okay, let's try this.

And she was very cooperative and very encouraging. But it takes time. Finally, the cost is rejection. When you be the man in your house, instead of sort of passive, like let the woman deal with things and you know, hey, give them 20 bucks and won't be quiet. He slammed the door, but they're just going through a phase.

All that stuff as men, we're willing to go into denial. You're going to get rejection because you're going to say, hey everybody, we're going to sit down and have a meal. I don't want to. I want to hit my room and I want to watch this show and my friends are calling and I got practice. No, no, no.

We're eating together. And they'll roll their eyes. And you know what? If you can't take that rejection, you know what leaders are? Leaders change things. Anytime you change things, people don't like it.

The status quo may not be good for them, but they don't like the change. And you're the dad that says, no, we're going to eat together. And then one of your kids in a weak moment is smart alec. Well, who the heck do you think you are? You say, in your dad voice, not in the lovingly parent. Well, Johnny, I really don't like it when you talk to me that way. And I don't think that's the way we as families ought to talk to one another.

Johnny, then the low voice. You better shut your mouth right now. Sit down at the table.

And that cell phone you have, I liked it right now. No, now. Thank you. When you can learn to speak to me and your mother respectfully, it looks like it's got about six days on this one. Well, you can't do that.

You know what? Excuse me. The keys right there. Why don't you hand those over too?

Thank you. I don't accept that kind of behavior ever in my house toward me or your mother. There's a new sheriff in town who loves you very much. And this is not how we live.

Boy, where did he go to church? And by the way, you know, that car that I bought with the insurance that I pay for, with the gas that I put in it, you learn to behave in a way that's respectful to me and to others. I'll let you drive that again. Until now, I got the keys and the cell phone.

Parents don't give me all that stuff that I don't have any control, and I just don't know what's wrong. And they go to their room, and they slam the door, and all they do is play video games. And, oh God, whose food are they eating?

Whose cars are they driving? There's not some gun to your head that, if I can't text, I'll die. And so, guys, do you hear this? The reason that adolescent boys have big problems when there's not a man around? A woman, by and large, doesn't do well with what I just did. But I got news for you. When you get the manhood gene that God gives you, and you act that way, and they have a problem, those kids will come back and say, thanks, dad.

And guess what? They'll become those kind of fathers. Because kids need deeply loved and clear boundaries. So you love them sacrificially. Second, you got to love your wives intentionally.

Verses 26 to 28, Jesus, he sanctified them. He had a plan. And so, purposely seek to develop your wife's greatest beauty and gifts, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. You want to see your wife as a flower, that you're an instrument in the hands of the living God that will bloom in ways that will produce beauty like you could never imagine.

And you're on her team, you're her number one cheerleader, you're seeing gifts that she has that she doesn't see. Early in our marriage, I remember my wife wrote a Christmas letter. It's like our first Christmas letter.

You know, we're just married. And I read it, and I was writing all these papers in seminary. Man, she writes way better than me. I said, you write really good, honey. Oh, no, you're just saying that. You're my husband.

No, this is really, really good. And then I heard her, you know, explaining something. I said, honey, I think you communicate really well.

No, I couldn't. So anyway, first church, these ladies ask her to speak. And I said, honey, I think you can, and let's go over the outline together. And I literally, she did it. There was like 10 or 12 women, which was a huge group back then. And she would literally throw up and be sick two days before she spoke. And you know what she needed? She just needed someone to believe in her. Someone to say, you can do that.

You're gifted at that. She did a series called Precious and Excited, a women's retreat. And it helped women so much. So we had a gap on the kind of radio, a week we needed to fill. And I said, why don't we put my wife's stuff on there and see what happens? So we did.

It sold more than mine. And you know, I could have been threatened, but then I thought, now wait a second. I've been for 20 years dreaming a dream to see her. And I mean, that's one of many, many things.

I remember when she was hitting the early part of midlife. And as a woman, you're thinking, you know, there's osteoporosis out there. I need to be in shape. And there's also like, you know, your body starts changing and you need to sort of fight against gravity. And I came from this like athletic background. I mean, I'd work out twice a day still if I could. I just love to.

It's not a discipline. But she came from this total, never, I mean, she, nothing. And so we were up in Tahoe on vacation and we were talking about our relationship and where we're headed and what concerns you. And she said, you know, it kind of concerns me. And so I said, well, why don't we start walking together? We've been walking together ever since.

Some of the best times of conversation. And I mean, early on is literally, I mean, I felt like I was walking slow. You coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? So, and then eventually it got where, hey honey, you know, could you slow down?

Yeah. At one point in time, you know, she just realized she was really intimidated by the gyms and never. So I rearranged my schedule for two years. So Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for 55 minutes during my lunch hour, we went to a gym together. I showed her how to use the machines and we lifted and worked out. And my wife, guess what?

That had a huge difference. What am I saying? I'm responsible to be intentional about helping her develop. We just decided on the book that we're going to read together and then I read a chapter, she reads a chapter, we're going to discuss it later this week. It never ends. I got to be intentional about developing her spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and loving her and helping her see what she can't see in herself.

Do you get it guys? It's a big job. Sacrificially, intentionally, and third, sensitively. That's the nourish and the caring for your wife. It's the little things that are big things for a woman.

Little words of encouragement. It's when you call for no reason. I know it doesn't make sense, but believe me, it does to them somehow. It's when you take a walk. It's when you talk. It's when you plan in a date and you plan the date and you get the babysitter. Why that matters? I don't know. It seems easier to her.

She knows her better, but okay guys, I'm just telling you. This is what's called sensitivity and there's something about it's noticing what's going on around the house that's broken. I got to share this with you. This is so embarrassing. See how faded these cards are?

These cards are from the early 80s. I was married about four years and I was learning exactly what I'm teaching you and as I was learning it, I just realized I am clueless and my mind, it doesn't, you know, it's one thing to like hear a message or read a book. I don't know about you, but then I default back to how I grew up and so I thought I'm going to write down on these cards the kind of husband that I want to be and each day I'll just read them over and maybe some way, somehow, over time, it'll stick because it wasn't sticking.

I was sensitive for like one day in a row. Next seven wasn't very good and so this is life goals with wife. Life goals. My goal is to love Teresa sacrificially in a way that makes sense to her. I just wanted to remember that was sort of what the job was. My goal is to be the leader and initiator in our family that God wants me to be. I mean, I just, I never saw that growing up. My goal is to get away with Teresa alone three times each year.

Now, just to be fair, guys, I don't think I ever did it three times, but the fact that I wrote it down and said it, we usually got away at least twice, which was two more times than ever before. My goal is to make our home a beautiful place to live in within our priorities financially as a gift to Teresa. I just didn't notice our home at all. I mean, the washer, when she did dishes, we had this old dishwasher and so water would come out and so she put towels underneath of it and in the kids' rooms we had really old windows and so when it rained, the water would come in and she put towels there and she would tell me these things and I'd say, I don't get it. A dishwasher cost a bunch of money.

We don't have a bunch of money. Those towels work and the towels work over here. What's the big deal? And then I realized that's her world.

You know what? That's where God designed her to oversee. I need to cooperate and I've since seen I'm going to do everything I can without being opulent or crazy to create a world and an environment where where she lives her life works for her gifts. Guys, I never did this.

I had to write it down. Another goal is, my goal is to read with Teresa once a week, either a book together or separately. Now, do I do it every week of every year? Of course not, but I can't tell you how many dozens of books over the last 32 years we've done. My goal is to pray seriously with my wife once a week and briefly each day.

I mean, that doesn't sound like a big deal. I've been in pastors conferences and I've asked pastors, if you pray with your wife, no lying, raise your hand. Less than 10 percent of pastors pray with their wives. My goal is to give my wife what she needs instead of what she wants. There's a danger that I'll touch on. One of the dangers, if you get real serious, if you have a passion to do what God wants you to do, is that you'll think that anything your wife wants a really good loving husband says yes to, which produces codependency. You need to lead what's what's best. You want to give her what's best for her, best for the family, best for your marriage, and at times that means you get rejection from her because you say, you know what, honey, I'd really love to do that.

We really can't afford that right now, but you know what, we really can't. So are you guys getting what a man looks like and the power when a man shows up like this in a relationship? As you turn the page, I want to give you a warning.

The warnings are what this does not mean and I'll give them to you briefly, but I need to balance it out. It doesn't mean, as I just stated, you always give your wife what she wants. I did that for about a year and a half and then I read a book on codependency and it was me.

I thought this is not good. Number two, it doesn't mean you don't have a life of your own. You need to have friends, male friends, you need to have hobbies, you need to do things planned into your life where you get from other men and have fun and have a world of your own that refreshes you so you can show up and bring something great to your wife. And so wives, you got to participate with that.

Now you got to balance that out. Some of you guys have really got the world of your own down and what you got to get is what's it mean to be a husband or a husband and a father? Third, it doesn't mean that you make her dependent on you. Don't smother her, don't take care of things. Part of developing something is you can do it, go for it.

I'm calm, oh I don't think I can't, you'll be great. I remember in Dallas, six lanes of traffic and mixed masters and my wife came from a little town of about 200 and we moved there, it was like I don't want to drive there, so I drove when we had to go downtown and then I realized I'm making my wife a cripple. Guess what? You know how you get confidence? Driving in six lanes with people going like this and realizing I did it once, I did it again, now she can drive anywhere. So you don't make your wife dependent and finally it doesn't mean you call all the shots. It means you talk and pray and get God's counsel and you work as a team and at the end of the day you do what we're called to do. Remember that one line, step up, step up. You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram and the message you just heard, Is There a Man in the House, is from our series, Marriage That Works. Chip will join us in studio to share some insights from today's talk in just a minute. Are you looking to strengthen your marriage or lay the groundwork for a healthy relationship in the future? In this 10-part series, you'll get helpful marital advice through Chip's study in Ephesians chapter 5.

Discover the biblical basics to creating and maintaining a deep, intimate bond with your spouse. If you've missed any part of this series, Marriage That Works, catch up through the Chip Ingram app or at livingontheedge.org. Well, Chip's back in studio with me and Chip, as I listened today, I thought about the countless people listening right now who have real needs.

You know, as we continue to create new programming and develop resources that meet those needs, the expenses of the ministry are a monthly issue. So take a moment, if you would, and talk to those who have considered partnering with us before, but just haven't made that commitment. You know, Dave, really only about 2% of all the people that listen partner with us financially in any way. And I think sometimes it's because they just don't think what I could do would make a difference. But I just want to encourage some of you that feel like, you know, hey, you know, boy, God's really using this in my life, but I'm just not in a position.

Maybe you could do something really small, but God could take your small gift and do something really big with it. So, you know, thanks so much and appreciate anything God leads you to do. Thanks, Chip. Well, if joining the Living on the Edge team is an idea that makes sense to you, let me encourage you to become a monthly partner. Now, you can do that today by visiting LivingOnTheEdge.org or by calling us at 888-333-6003. Take a few minutes to help others benefit from the work of this ministry. Call 888-333-6003 or go to LivingOnTheEdge.org.

App listeners, tap donate, and thanks in advance for supporting us in any way you can. Well, here again is Chip. Chip, as we close today's program, if you're a man like me, you got to be thinking to yourself, I'd really like to be able to do that, but buddy, the bar just got so high. And if you're a woman, you're thinking, oh, oh, oh, I hope my husband's listening. Because see, when a man loves his wife sacrificially, and it's in little things, you know, chances are you're not going to push her out of the way and get hit by a car, you know, and save her life. But, you know, when you turn off the football game and say, honey, let's talk, that means something. When you say, hey, you know what, I've got a lot to do, and work's really overwhelming, but, you know, let's sit down and talk about where we're at with the kids, that's sacrificially. When you say to her, you know, something, we've got limited funds right now, but I think you need some time alone, that's sacrificially. But guys, we don't think that way. How do we learn to love our wives intentionally, sacrificially, and sensitively, the way Jesus loved the church?

And I gave you enough background in the teaching time to know that doesn't mean your whole life revolves around your wife and you make her life work out, but it does mean that for most of us men, our priorities and our focus has to really change. And here's what I want to tell you. I doubt that you can do that by trying hard, and I doubt that you can do that by yourself. If you and I were just as guys having a cup of coffee and you said, Chip, how can I get this operational? Okay, I want to do that. I know I'm not doing it very well.

How do I get it operational? I would say, get this message, listen to it, like put it in your car, listen to it every day for 30 days. I mean, not that it's such a great message, it's the truth, you need to hear it like 30 days because you've been brainwashed. And then just let it soak in, and then I would find like one other guy and say, I am on this like journey to learn to love my wife the way Jesus loved the church. And don't tell her you're on it, don't make some big deal about it, just let her see your behavior. And with this one other guy, just check in like once a week, get a cup of coffee, say, hey, here's what I'm doing. The notes of everything that I've shared are on the website, you can get them for free, but just take an action step. I mean, take one thing you've heard today and intentionally, sacrificially do something that says to your wife, you really matter. And then drop me an email and let me know what happens because I will tell you, she'll think something's wrong first week or so, you start treating her like this.

But after about three weeks, you're going to start believing, hey, something's really right, so go for it. Thanks, Chip. And if you do have a story or testimony you'd like to share with us, email chip at livingontheedge.org. That's chip at livingontheedge.org. We look forward to hearing from you and the remarkable ways you're putting this message into practice. Thanks for listening to this Edition of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. I'm Dave Druey, and I hope you'll join us again next time.