Jesus and Divorce

In our throwaway world, I fear that marriage is another disposable item. If marriage doesn't work and often it doesn't, get another and another.

As the country and western song says, I'm going to keep on falling in love until I get it right. Divorce is so woven into the fabric of our culture now that marriages are easily dissolved by what's called no-fault divorce. You may have seen the sign on I-77, life is short, get a divorce.

No doubt by a cynical attorney looking for business. Life is short. Don't put up with this. End it. Get a divorce. In a culture of low commitment, coupled with the philosophy of I deserve to be happy, many couples, rather than working through their problems, choose divorce. God wants me happy. And if I'm unhappy in my marriage, and if my wife, my husband, is no longer fulfilling my needs, and particularly if I've met someone else who's much more exciting, I'm going to end this marriage and enter another.

Isn't that largely our society here in the west, here in the United States? I want us again to open our Bibles to Matthew chapter 19. Here is our Lord Jesus speaking two thousand years ago, but this is God's living Word, as we reminded ourselves a couple of weeks. Our subject is Jesus and divorce. Now, this message is not an exhaustive treatment of the Biblical teaching on divorce, and I realize this is a tough message, tough for me to preach, tough for many of you to hear, but this is the Word of God. This is the second in the series on Jesus' teaching on marriage and gender. Last week, we thought of Jesus and marriage from Matthew 19. Now we're thinking of Jesus and divorce.

Lord willing, next week we'll think of Jesus and the gay debate. Let's read our Bibles, open our Bibles and read from Matthew chapter 19, and I'm going to read the first nine verses first of all. Matthew 19 verse 1, now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond Jordan, and large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. The Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. He said to him, why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery. Now there you have it, the teaching of Jesus contrasted with our secular society.

First of all, as we look at the subject of Jesus' teaching on divorce, we want to think of how the Pharisees viewed divorce at the time of the Lord, the Pharisees' view on divorce. Notice that they again try to trap Jesus. Verse 3, they ask him, they tested him, they're trying him.

Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? That's the question. They are trying to trap him. This question of divorce, we understand, was hotly debated by the rabbis at the time of Jesus, so this controversial question posed by the Pharisees in verse 3 was designed to trap Jesus. They thought it through. They knew the Old Testament law. They knew the teaching of Moses on the subject, and they knew that Moses allowed a man to divorce his wife if he found some indecency in her.

Now let's look at that text. It's in our Bibles in Deuteronomy chapter 24. That's the fifth book in the Old Testament.

I encourage you to come with your Bibles and even more importantly to open them. Here is the Old Testament, and this is the Scripture that the Pharisees are relying on in trying to trap Jesus as they're referring to this passage, which we know as Deuteronomy 24. Let me read the first four verses. Deuteronomy 24, when a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because, here's the phrase, he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, here's a woman who's been divorced twice or widowed the second time, then her first husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance." An interesting passage. Now, so here is the debate at the time of Jesus.

What does the law mean? What did Moses mean when he said, we have it translated in our English Bibles from the original Hebrew, some indecency in her? Now, the rabbis loved to have such debates, just as lawyers love to debate these things, what did it actually mean?

And there were two main views represented by two leading rabbis. Rabbi Shema interpreted some indecency in her very, very strictly. In their view, this view, sexual immorality by the wife was the only ground of divorce. Now, under the Old Testament law, adultery deserved death, although it seemed that adulterers were rarely executed, but it was a serious offense, one of the Ten Commandments. You shall not commit adultery. So, Rabbi Shema says, now when Moses is writing that you can put away your wife if you find some indecency in her, he's referring to sexual immorality.

She's had sex with another man, and in that case, men, you are entitled to put her away. The followers of another rabbi, Rabbi Hillel, had a more liberal interpretation on divorce. Hillel said, certainly, immorality was a ground for divorce, but there were also other grounds in which you could put your wife away under the heading that you had found some indecency in her.

What were these examples? Well, burning your meal. Who wants to be married to a woman who's always burning your grits or your hot dog? Or, if you found some obnoxious and defective physical features in her, such as bad breath, such as excessive sweating, such as being loud. So, men, if you were married to the kind of wife that burns your grits for breakfast and sweats a lot, has got bad breath, and is very loud, you are well placed to put this woman away. You think, why would you marry that woman in the first place?

But that is not the point. The thought of this woman, bad breath, sweating, loud, can't even cook your dinner, I mean, how can you expect a man to put up with that? Which interpretation do you think was more popular with the men? The strict view or the lax view, the liberal view? Remember, the men make the rules.

And the more liberal view was the more popular view. In fact, one rabbi after the Lord, living from 50 to 135 A.D., Rabbi Akiba, he even permitted divorce if the husband found a more attractive woman. So, very easy to get a divorce in that view. Now, under the Mosaic law, if we go back to the teaching of the law, in a sense, leaving aside these interpretations by the rabbis of the day, under the Mosaic law, it is clear, and the Lord is saying this, that divorce was a concession, but it wasn't a command. In the Mosaic law, as we read in Deuteronomy chapter 24 in the first four verses, various procedures had to be followed. If you're going to put away your wife, get the paper right, get the paperwork right.

Keep the lawyers in business, in other words. A divorce certificate had to be granted, which was a public declaration that the relationship was ended. Here it is, here's the divorce certificate, there you are, goodbye.

Don't come back. Deuteronomy 24 was regulating divorce, but was not commanding it. Now what was Moses saying?

He was saying something I think very, very important. If a man divorced his wife, as he found some indecency in her, however you may interpret that, if a man divorced his wife, who then married someone else, and who then was divorced by that second husband, or that second husband died, the first husband is prohibited from remarrying her. So this law prohibited a remarriage to the first wife after an intervening marriage.

Do you get it? It was, Moses says, an abomination to the Lord. This woman had been deviled.

She had sexual intercourse with someone else. You don't want to bring her back, is what the law was saying. Under the Mosaic law, notice what Jesus says, verse 8. Jesus knows the teaching of Deuteronomy chapter 24 obviously.

Notice what he's saying. Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. We've seen that expression from the beginning before, didn't we? Verse 8, have you not read, says Jesus, do you not know your Bibles?

That he who created them from the beginning made them male and female. Interesting, notice the high view that Jesus has of Scripture. It was a concession.

But from the beginning it wasn't so. God's plan is that marriage is a permanent and exclusive relationship. That's how God ordained it from the beginning, as we saw last week. I think it's very, very interesting that our Lord Jesus, the master teacher, he's not drawn into the rabbinical debate to debate what some indecency means.

And he doesn't answer their question directly. Rather, he doesn't deal with a Mosaic concession, but to God's plan for marriage from the beginning. God never, ever commands divorce. Divorce is not part of God's plan for marriage. From the beginning, as we saw the text in Genesis 2 last week, from the beginning it is one man, and Jesus quotes Genesis 2.24 in Matthew 17, it is a man who leaves father and mother, cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. God's plan for marriage, please hear, from the beginning is that the marriage bond is indissoluble. Did you notice what Jesus said? Verse 6, I think we need to hear this, don't you, at Calvary Church? What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Jesus, who's doing the joining? Not just the man and the woman. What God has joined together, let not man separate.

The old King James, let not man put it asunder. Here is a man and a woman, they come together, there is a leaving and there's a cleaving and there is one flesh. That's marriage. That's the teaching from the beginning. Divorce then is a tearing apart what God has joined together.

It is a violation of what God ordains. No wonder, and some of you know this from experience and great heartache, no wonder divorce is such a traumatic and painful experience. I've never been divorced but I've met many, many, many people who have.

Who've sat in my study, who've spoken with me and told me of the tremendous pain and heartache through being divorced. Notice Jesus says in verse 5, a man leaves his father and mother, holds fast to his wife. The old King James cleaves to his wife, holds fast to his wife. That holding fast emphasizes not only love for your spouse but a commitment, a strong commitment to loyalty and faithfulness. Our society talks a lot about love and in marriages and at weddings, there's great emphasis on love and rightly so, of course there is. But there is less emphasis, isn't there, on the holding fast, on the commitment, on the pledge of love and loyalty. Last week as I had the privilege of leading three couples as they dedicated their children to the Lord and why could they not do so because God had blessed them, what a wonderful thing to do and something we encourage at Calvary. Before they did that, I asked them, are you reaffirming your vows not only of love but of loyalty and faithfulness?

Do you understand that? Married people, you made a commitment of loyalty. You made a vow before God of faithfulness and the marriage vows, at least all the ones that I've heard, are not I feel, are not I hope, but I will. I do take you to be my lawfully wedded wife and I do commit to a life of loyalty and faithfulness. Marriage, as we saw, is a divine covenant. What a beautiful institution, yes, God has given us.

It's not thought up by us. This is God's plan for His children. One man, one woman, making a lifelong commitment before God. You say, but John, you don't know my wife or my husband.

Possibly not. But I know no marriage is perfect. I know that when you marry, you're marrying a sinful person and you're a sinful person. And of course there's adjustments.

Of course there are trials. Of course there are difficulties. But Christian marriage, Paul says in Ephesians 5, is to be a beautiful picture of Christ and His church. Beautiful picture of Christ and His church. Who's Christian marriage? Love.

To love someone and to be loved by them and to know that they've made this commitment of loyalty where there's mutual respect, where there is forgiveness and where there is joy. It always bothers me when couples say, when they ask about their marriage, they say, well, I'm working on it. You thought, you know, marriage is not meant to be like digging a ditch.

I'm working on it. Yes, there are things to work on, but God gives us marriage for our joy. Marriage is a wonderful thing. I hope there's laughter in your relationship. I hope there's laughter in your home.

Not silliness, but the joy of the Lord. Now, notice Jesus' teaching on divorce. Jesus reaffirms God's plan for marriage from the beginning. And He accepts that from creation, there is only one type of sexual union permitted by God.

Do you hear me? One type of sexual union permitted by God. Well, think of the gay debate next week, but let me remind you. Singles, divorced, widowed, and married people. The sexual relationship is within marriage. Not before you're married, not outside your marriage, but within marriage. And rather than broaden the grounds for divorce, which some people today would say, well, you know, the Old Testament, God was an angry kind of character then, but now in the New Testament, Jesus is all about love and if you love each other and you're not harming other people, go ahead and do what you want.

Jesus doesn't do that. Rather than broaden the grounds for divorce, Jesus narrows them. Jesus unambiguously states that divorce and remarriage is unlawful. It's going against God's teaching and it amounts to adultery. You say, come on, John, that's pretty tough.

Only as tough as the Bible. Verse 9, read again with me, I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery. We also saw it in chapter 5 of Matthew.

Remember, way back then. Matthew 5, verse 31, it was also said, he's referring to Deuteronomy 24, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except on the grounds of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a divorce woman commits adultery.

There it is. Divorce is a breaking of what God has joined. You know, it's a wonderful thing and I have the privilege of doing it, of leading a couple who stand here in marriage. It's a wonderful thing to think that not only are they expressing their love for each other, in a sense that's the easy part, they're also expressing a lifelong commitment of loyalty and faithfulness to that person. And God, and Jesus is saying, it's God who joins us together. What God has joined together. I thought of that.

How gracious of God. There are singles here and you want to get married. That's a good desire. And you're a bit worried about who you're going to marry.

Don't worry about it. You walk humbly and live a life to the glory of God and God is well able to bring into your life the person that you should marry. And the wonder of marriage is this, that God knows the kind of husband, the kind of wife you need 20, 30, 40 years ahead. Now, my good nigh, we never thought of how it would be when you're married 20 or 30 or 40 years. I mean, that's for old people. We're in our 20s.

We're not thinking that far ahead. And good nigh tells me, I don't believe her, but she tells me if she knew I was going to be a pastor, she would have married me. She thought she was going to marry a wealthy lawyer for the rest of her life. Isn't it wonderful that God knew that I needed, how I need, believe me, how I need a godly wife? So that when I come to Calvary Church, I come not alone, although she's unpaid.

And I'm not saying that's because she should be paid, absolutely not. But here she is. She functions as my wife with a tremendous impact in this congregation and that God knew that. And that God knows what you need, brother, what you need, sister, years from now. And God brings us together. Isn't that wonderful marriage? I say to you, to married people, if you divorce and remarry, you're going against God. You're committing adultery. Divorce is a break from God's pattern and purposes. What therefore God has joined together, verse 6, let not man separate. So we must strongly reject the view that if you're not happy, if you're not fulfilled in your marriage, or if you fall in love with someone else, divorce is a good option. How is it can we in good faith make a stand against gay marriage, same-sex marriage, or transgenderism and make a strong statement against that and disregard the teaching on divorce?

Brothers and sisters, we can't do that. We accept all of the teaching of Scripture. And God has brought you together with your husband, wife. Yes, you may have struggles. Yes, there may be difficulties.

But remember, God has brought you together, and God will give you, I assure you, all of the help, all of the wisdom, all of the grace that you need, so that your marriage is truly a marriage in the Lord. But you say, there's an exception. Isn't it interesting, not just lawyers, we always want to look for the loophole.

Well, I know that it's true, but in my case, is there a way out? I hope you don't view it that way, but there is an exception. Did you notice we read it in Matthew 5, verse 32, and we read it in verse 9 of our passage, Matthew 9. I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, here's the exception, except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery. In these passages, Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, Jesus is giving an exception to the rule that the marriage bond is indissoluble, broken only by death.

What is the exception? Translated in our Bible, the English Standard Version, the sexual immorality is a translation of the Greek word porneia, from which we get the word pornography, right? You say, well, what is porneia? What is Jesus saying when he says, if you divorce your wife and marry another, you commit adultery, with the exception for porneia. What does that mean? Well, porneia is destructive, immoral, sexual acts, which includes adultery, homosexuality, prostitution, incest, pedophilia, some of these horrible situations.

Why is that? Think of what marriage is. A man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh. The one flesh bond is violated by sexual unfaithfulness. Sexual immorality strikes at the very heart of the sacred marriage covenant. It is not only a sin against God, it's a sin against your husband or wife. You say, well, shouldn't there be forgiveness?

Yes. The Bible in the story of Hosea in the Old Testament gives us a beautiful example of an adulterous wife being forgiven and certainly God's grace and God's forgiveness are far greater than any sin. But if the immorality is not repented of, if it's so flagrant that the offended party cannot resume marital relations, the individual may, let me emphasize, may pursue divorce. Jesus is not commanding divorce in these circumstances, but divorce is permitted in these circumstances, but it's not prescribed. Now some argue, if you look at verse 9, some argue that the phrase except for sexual immorality modifies the verb divorce, but not the verb marries another. So there are those that have the view that if your wife or your husband commits sexual immorality, porneia, that you are allowed and permitted by Jesus to divorce your spouse, but you're not permitted to remarry. You heard that view?

Where is it coming? It's the Roman Catholic view. In the Roman Catholic church under their theology where marriage is a sacrament, Roman Catholics don't permit, some of you know this better than I do, they don't permit divorce and remarriage for any reason whatsoever.

Of course they have their loopholes, can I say that kindly? Annulments. You heard of that, how you can get over it? It's amazing the deviousness of the human heart, isn't it? If we want out of something, we'll try every measure to try and get out of it. Now the more accepted interpretation, the view of Calvary Church, my view, therefore the correct view. I say that very humbly. This is, I believe, the correct interpretation is this. The repeated immorality by a husband or a wife allows the spouse not only to divorce, but also to remarry.

Why is that? The sacred marriage covenant has been violated. Now, you may think that's strange because today our society is so sexualized, isn't it? And we tend to think of immorality as, well, that's just what goes on. But think of it from God's view. God puts together this man and this woman in the sacred covenant of holy matrimony, and it is violated when a man or a woman goes outside of the marriage and commits adultery. Mark and Luke in their accounts don't mention the exception clause as immorality, I believe was a well-recognized ground for divorce, therefore the exception with them is implied. Now, divorce is never good, but it is allowed where there's been sexual immorality. Are you contemplating divorce?

Contemplating remarriage? Let me ask you to give very serious and prayerful consideration to your actions. Obtain godly counsel. If you're a follower of Jesus, remember this, your primary commitment is not your personal happiness.

Can I repeat that? Whether you're single, married, widowed, divorced, our primary commitment is to Jesus Christ. He is to be my first love. I'm to love Him with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And if I do that, I am to obey His commandments.

Now, let me summarize this. What's the biblical grounds for divorce? Number one, sexual immorality as we've seen, where there's an unrepentant sexual immorality, when the injured party has done all that he or she can to effect reconciliation, divorce and remarriage may be allowed. Choosing to forgive the porneia, choosing to forgive the sexual immorality and continue in the marriage is a powerful display of God's faithfulness and grace. We sang, I know that God is able.

I know that God can do the impossible. And over the years, I rejoice and praise God of knowing couples where there has been acts of betrayal, where there has been adultery, where there has been a violation of the marriage bond, and where there has been forgiveness, not only forgiveness and reconciliation, and that couple have gone on to display the grace of God and the love of God in a marriage in the Lord. And I know many couples where there's been forgiveness and reconciliation. That's God's way. But it isn't always possible. Sometimes hearts are hard.

The hardness of the heart. Now, there's a second ground for divorce and it is abandonment. Will you turn to 1 Corinthians 7?

I want to do this very quickly. We're gonna break bread this morning. These are huge subjects and I, in a sense, apologize for racing through them. But I leave it for your consideration as you study the text of Scripture. Abandonment. 1 Corinthians 7, verse 10.

Here's Paul. To the married I give this charge, not I but the Lord. The wife should not separate from her husband.

Hear that? Wives, do not separate from your husbands. But if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Do you leave for some reason? You can't remarry. You've got to be reconciled.

Verse 12, to the rest I say, not the Lord. That if any brother has a wife who's a non-believer, notice the condition here. Here is a believer married to a non-believer and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. So, you're married, you came to Christ, your husband, your wife is still a non-believer, that is not grounds for divorcing them. No, you stay with them, Paul is saying. If any woman has a husband who's a non-believer and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

Pretty clear to understand. Verse 14, here it is. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband, otherwise your children would be unclean but as it is, they are holy. Think of a Christian woman married to an unbeliever because of her testimony, because of her display of Christ that home is becoming sanctified.

Verse 15, here's the other exception. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. Mrs. Smith is married to Mr. Smith who is an unbeliever, he leaves, Mrs. Smith is to let it be. In such case, the brother or sister, the believing spouse, is not enslaved, God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?

Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? So, here's a situation where the unbelieving spouse leaves the believing spouse. Notice, very, very important, it is the unbeliever who initiates the separation, not the believer. I've known over the years people who are married to an unbeliever, the unbeliever is very difficult, doesn't want them to come to church, doesn't even want them to read the Bible, that is not a justification for leaving them. First Peter 3 says that the wife who is married to an unbeliever even without a word can impact the husband and possibly lead him to saving faith in Jesus Christ. So, it's the unbelieving spouse who initiates the divorce, the separation and the divorce, not the believing spouse. In that case, the believing spouse doesn't fight it, he's going to do what he wants and then there is a divorce and where there has been a divorce, she is then free to remarry. So, these two exceptions, immorality and abandonment, flow from the violation of marriage. Remember I said last week that the most important verse in the Bible about marriage is Genesis 2.24, the leaving, the cleaving, the one flesh. Where that's been violated, sexual immorality, where that's been violated, not leaving, divorce is allowed.

Now you say, well, I think there should be more grounds. Verse 10, Matthew 19, we're almost finished. The disciples said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it's better not to marry.

You think, well, that's pretty tough. I can, if I make a mistake and I get married to this person, whoa, am I really saddled with her for the rest of my life? If you think like that, it's better you don't get married because your only exception, if she's a believer, is immorality. Not because you get fed up with her.

Not because she burns your toast on Sunday morning. Verse 11, he said to them, not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have been made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Let the one who's able to receive this receive it. Three kinds of people who don't have intimate sexual intercourse. There are people who are born because of some deformity, they're unable to perform the sexual act. There are those, not in our society, in that society, who are made eunuchs by men, they're castrated, and there are others who, for their devotion to Christ, and for the sake of the kingdom of God, receive this and say, I'm going to be single. You know, in our society, we look down on single people. I hope we don't do that at Calvary. And some of you are rather silly sometimes, and you want to act as the matchmaker, even when sometimes people are separated, even before sometimes people are divorced. I've heard at Calvary Church, some of you trying to matchmake someone, please don't do that. Allow God to act.

Yes, you can introduce someone, I'm not saying that, but allow God to act. Allow God to join the person, because some singles, some people are single for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Perhaps they've never met someone that they feel that they can make that lifelong commitment to.

Perhaps they feel that God has called them. Perhaps they've been divorced. Perhaps they've been married. And they say, no, I'm never going to remarry. My mother was like that when she was just 50 when my father died.

He was 10 years older. And my mother lived till she was 94. And it's not that we would have thought it was wrong for my mother to remarry, but she wore her ring. And in her view, the thought of marrying someone else was just unthinkable.

Now that's unusual. She said she didn't criticize or judge those who remarried, but for her, out of her love for her husband, and out of her devotion to Christ, she decided she was not going to remarry. And we affirm that. There are people like that. And we shouldn't look down on them.

We should rather hold them in high esteem. At the end of verse 12, rather, let the one who is able to receive this receive it. Now you say, well, I've blown this, John. I'm already divorced and remarried. And I didn't have biblical grounds for my divorce. What am I to do?

Should I go back to my first spouse? Absolutely not. God's grace, please hear me, God's grace becomes operative at the point of your repentance and confession. Divorce contrary to what some people may imply, divorce is not an unforgivable sin.

Hear me. It's a serious sin if it's made on biblical grounds. And like all sin, it must be repented of, it must be confessed, but it's not unforgivable. You must repent. You must claim forgiveness.

And I ask you, have you done that? The wonder of the Gospel is this, and I say this over and over again, and I say it today as we break bread, because which one of us would want to judge someone else? Let him who is without sin take up the stone, right? There is always more grace in our Lord Jesus Christ than there is sin in you.

You've blown it, welcome to the human race. All have sinned and come short of the glory of God. No, we do not minimize the sin. It's a grievous sin. I'm warning you not to commit that sin, but if you have committed that sin, claim the forgiveness of God. And yes, as I said at the beginning of the service, you are welcome at Calvary Church.

God's forgiveness is extended to us all. You say, well, I divorced for an unbiblical ground. What am I to do? You're to either reconcile with your spouse or to say single. You say that's hard, John. Yes, it may be hard. It's hard for single people. It's hard for people in a difficult marriage. It's hard for many, many situations in life, but at the very heart of what it means to follow Jesus Christ, I am to deny self, take up my cross and follow Christ. He is my first priority. Yes, living for Christ in these areas, particularly in the areas of our sexuality, is hard.

Following Christ is costly for all of us. And I want to say, myself and my fellow pastors and elders, we're available to give any counsel in these difficult things. And if you're a wife, as I said last week, who's being abused by your husbands?

Men, can I speak to you? Do not abuse your wife. And by that, I mean not only are you not to hit your wife.

What kind of man are you that would do that or hit your children? But don't abuse them verbally. Don't swear at them. Don't shout at them. Don't use vulgarities at them.

And I met on Friday with our executive committee, we thought of Paul's words in Ephesians 4, that our words are to give grace to those who hear. Men, be gracious to your wife. Yes, you burned your toast, but be gracious to her. Be kind to her. Be kind to your children. Bring joy of the Lord into your home and acknowledge that you're a sinful person and your wife's a sinful person and your children are a sinful person.

But God's grace is always greater than our sin. You say, John, my marriage is a bit of a mess. What must I do? Abraham Lincoln says, when you're lost in life, do as you would if lost in a forest. Retrace your steps.

Go back to your first love. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God. Get down on your knees, yes, tonight, with your husband or your wife and confess your sin and repent and put your arms around one another and ask God for His help and His grace and I will tell you God will not fail. And with God, nothing is impossible. You're feeling unloved in your marriage.

You're unhappy, misunderstood. That does not entitle you to end your marriage. As I say, get on your knees and pray for God's help, His grace and His love and ask God's Spirit to renew your love for Christ and to pour His grace into your heart. We're going to sing before we break bread a little hymn that we all know so well. We usually think of it as the sinner coming to Christ and it's certainly that and if you don't know Christ, use it to come to Christ. But it's also an invitation to all of us to come. We're tossed about with many conflict, many a doubt, fighting, fightings and fears within without.

That's us, isn't it? And we're going to say, O Lamb of God, I come. Father, humble us.

This is a difficult subject. And take your word, Father, your word of truth and apply it to our hearts. And as we break bread now, may our hearts overflow with your love, that deep, deep love of Jesus. That you commended your love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And we now say, O Lamb of God, I come. In his name we pray. Amen.