Tearing Down Family Strongholds

Only spiritual weapons can defeat spiritual strongholds. Dr. Tony Evans says the problems facing married couples are too serious to be solved with the wisdom of this world. If you are rebelling against the authority of Christ over your life, over your home, don't blame God if your family's falling apart. This is The Alternative with Dr. Tony Evans, author, speaker, senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, and president of the Urban Alternative. As far back as the Garden of Eden, Satan's been using family conflict as a weapon against us. Today, Dr. Evans shows how to tear down the strongholds the enemies set up in your home.

Let's join him to learn how. Everyone under the sound of my voice is either in a family or is close to a family that is falling apart. Whether it's a husband and wife relationship that has become paralyzed, whether it's children who are living rebelliously, or whether it's a generational curse that you are under. And so you want to throw in the towel, you want to go to the divorce court, you want to give up because you just don't see how in the world you will be released from this stronghold.

The principle is clear. Only spiritual weapons can defeat spiritual strongholds. And often we apply spiritual weapons last and not first. What is the cause? First of all, the cause of family strongholds. In Genesis chapter 3, the deterioration of the first family, Adam, was caused or initiated by an angel for Satan is an angel. He came and he visited the first family and caused spiritual deterioration, which led to relational deterioration.

It wasn't relationships first that went bad between human beings. It was relationship with God that went bad because Satan's premier goal next to destroying you is the destruction of your family. Now it's interesting, Satan's methodology to bring a stronghold into this first family, and we know it was a stronghold because it flipped over to their children for Cain killed Abel.

So this wasn't just a one-time argument. This became the foundation of the murder of siblings, all because of an angel, a battle that took place where the first family left God out. The cause of family stronghold is satanic infiltration.

Satan or one of his minions infiltrate the family through the flesh or through the world or through your past or through any number of things, and he exacerbates evil that is already present. One of the vehicles through which Satan gets opportunity to bring a stronghold into your home is unresolved anger. Look with me at Ephesians chapter 4.

He says in verse 25, therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity. It is the prolonged buildup of anger that provides the steering wheel for Satan to turn a problem into a stronghold, because he says in verse 27, for Satan that becomes a what?

An opportunity. He uses another thing to destroy families and to bring them in strongholds. He uses rebellion to go against God's authorized order of authority.

Second Peter has some strong words about rebellion. Look at what he says in Second Peter chapter 2, verse 4, for if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them the pits of darkness reserved for judgment, and he didn't spare the ancient world, so he didn't spare angels, and he didn't spare the ancient world doing Noah's time, and if he condemned, verse 6, Sodom and Gomorrah, reducing them to ashes, rescuing, verse 7, Lot, then he comes in verse 10 and he says, and especially those who indulge in the flesh and its corrupt desires and despise authority, daring self-will they do not tremble when they revile angelic majesties, whereas angels who are greater in might and power, verse 11 says, do not bring a reveling judgment against them before the Lord, but these like unreasoning animals born as creatures of instinct to be captured and killed, reviling where they have no knowledge, will in the destruction of those creatures also be destroyed. He says these people have no respect for powerful angels, and therefore they place themselves under the judgment of God.

The point is simply this. Wherever there is rebellion against God's legitimate chain of command, there is God's judgment and not God's help. Mister, if you are rebelling against the authority of Christ over your life and over your home, don't blame God if your family's falling apart, ma'am. If you bought into the feminism lie, if you bought into the women's lib lie, and I'm not talking about equal pay for equal work, I'm talking about not respecting God's chain of command in the family because God must always operate by virtue of his chain if you're going to get his help to break your stronghold. God said in Exodus chapter 20, he said that down to the third and fourth generation could be cursed by the disobedient of the parents if the kids don't reverse it themselves because of what parents can hand over to their children.

And many of us as families are not only messing up our lives, we didn't already ruin our grandchildren because we set a series of events at work in our rebellion against God's authority that will show up in them. Let me give you an example of this in 1 Corinthians 11. His concern is the role of women in the church, but he lays out a principle here in talking about that that illustrates my point. 1 Corinthians 11. He says in verse 3, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. So this even applies to Jesus. He's under the authority of the Father. Every male, every Christian male is under the authority of Christ, and every wife is under the authority of her husband. Now please notice verse 10. Therefore, the women ought to have a symbol of authority on her head because of the angels.

Now that's interesting. He's talking about a woman doing something publicly in the service, and he talked about her having a covering over her head, but the reason he gives is because of the angels. The question is what in the world does a woman having a covering have to do with angels? Everything.

Here's what it is. If this woman in this particular church was reflecting a rebellious heart against her husband or against the male leadership of the church, and so she broke up in the independent speech unauthorized in order to assert her independence as illustrated by the removal, oftentimes the woman wore a headdress and they would take off their covering as a way of refusing to submit to God's ordained authorities that not only in Paul's mind did she rebel against her husband or the male leadership, she rebelled in the midst of angels because the Bible says when we come to worship, we join angels, Hebrews chapter 12. You say, well, what's the big deal? So I insulted angels.

Let me tell you the big deal. When you insult angels because you show them you are rebelling against authority, then what you can bite on is that God will not supply you, lady, any angelic assistance in dealing with that man that you have to deal with. When a woman rebels against legitimate authority, she rebels against angelic assistance because angels are one of the primary ways that God comes and he provides help to his children. So in this case, a rebellious woman who in front of the angels rebel because they're in a context of worship, then put themselves in a position where God will not provide angelic assistance to the needs in their lives. Another thing that will produce a stronghold in chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians is selfishness. He says in verse 3, let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife and let the wife also to her husband, and he says, stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again.

Let Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control. He says a third thing, selfishness. Now he's talking about the area of sexual intimacy, but the point of bringing it up was selfishness, that the husband was so selfish he wouldn't meet the needs of his wife, the wife was so selfish she wouldn't meet the needs of her husband, and that went beyond just the physical but the things that lead up to the physical, the relationship that should eventuate in the physical, and he says stop, verse 5, depriving one another, except both agree lest it become a vehicle for the devil. And so when husbands and wives go days and weeks and months without talking, you didn't just go mute on one another, you said, Satan, you are now welcome into my home, because the devil is looking for an opportunity. You do not have to open the door for the devil, unlock it, he'll open it himself.

And he has infiltrated far too many families far too many times. Too many of us want to get a divorce before we've dealt with the spiritual problem. You want to get rid of your mate and you haven't even dealt with your own selfishness.

You want to get rid of your husband when you've not submitted as the church should submit to Christ. You want to, well, my mother raised me like this. Well, if your mother didn't raise you like God said raised you, mama was wrong.

And if your daddy didn't raise you in concert with what God says, daddy was wrong. And we still have too many mothers and fathers in our relationships, either directly or indirectly, thereby because they're on the telephone or because they're still influencing. So either by unresolved anger, by rebellion, or by selfishness, man can create a stronghold in the home. So then, what's the cure? The cure for the family stronghold, the cause is angelic intervention in the family.

The conditions, unresolved anger, rebellion, selfishness, all are vehicles to which he comes in. What is the cure? And I know what some of you are saying, because I hear it all the time. I'm trying, right? I tried. The man says, I tried. The woman says, I tried. The parents say, we're trying. The kids say, we're trying. Everybody's trying. But the question is not, are you trying? The question is, what are you trying? Are you trying spiritual weapons or are you just using a little secular method, springing a little Jesus on top?

What are you trying? Dr. Evans will come back in a moment to continue today's lesson. First, though, don't miss your chance to get a great bundle of resources we recommend as a way to dig deeper into today's study. It starts with the two-volume, 14-part audio series we've been listening to today called Marriage Matters. Available to you on both CD and downloadable MP3s, this collection of messages covers how a marriage built according to God's blueprint can be one of the biggest blessings in your life. Along with the full-length audio messages, we're also including three of Tony's popular booklets that can give you a clearer look at what the Lord had in mind for your marriage. In For Married Men Only, he talks man-to-man with husbands about what it really means to provide spiritual leadership in your home, sacrifice for your wife, and meet her needs. For Married Women Only focuses on submitting to your husband's spiritual leadership, cultivating a gentle spirit, and experiencing God's protection and peace when your husband falls short. And in Marriage Matters, he examines the scriptural foundation that causes a marriage to blossom and flourish. You can get this complete Marriage Matters package as our gift, and thanks for your contribution to help support the ministry of Dr. Evans and the Urban Alternative. This broadcast is one hundred percent listener supported, so we depend completely on you to keep this important work going. Visit us today at tonyevans.org to request this resource bundle, or call us at 1-800-800-3222, where team members are standing by to assist you.

That's 1-800-800-3222. Well Tony, we'll come back with more of today's lesson right after this. How do you share the Gospel with confidence? What's God's plan for our communities?

Why does the Old Testament matter to your faith today? Those are just a few of the questions you'll get answered when you enroll in the Tony Evans Training Center, an interactive online study experience with Dr. Tony Evans where you can grow in your knowledge of God's Word and learn to advance His Kingdom agenda in your life. Visit tonyevanstraining.org to get started today.

That's tonyevanstraining.org. Colossians 3 says very quickly what we need to do. It says, first of all, everybody must first have in verse 16 the word of Christ dwelling in you richly. You've got to, the word of Christ just can't be Sunday morning.

It's got to be a rich thing in your life. It has got to be the basis of your decisions. First of all, wives, be in subjection to your husbands as fitting to the Lord. Or put it another way, honor your husband's headship. Honor your husband's headship. You don't even have to like him to do this.

Say, well I don't like my husband. You don't have to. A lot of you don't like your bosses, but you honor their position. This has to do with recognizing his divinely ordered position. It doesn't mean agree with everything he does or agree with everything he says. It means to honor him like Sarah who called Abraham Lord. You say, what's the big deal? It's a big deal.

To honor his position, even though you may not like his person, even though you may disagree with his point. The Bible says Sarah called Abraham Lord and what did Sarah get? I'll tell you what Sarah got. She got a miracle. That's what she got. Ladies, 90 years old, been wanting a baby for 90 years. She calls Abraham Lord and she got a miracle.

God miraculously intervened in her life and she got a miracle. If you want God to change your man, then you must honor his position, even if you don't like his person. Am I right, men? I figure I had to let y'all get that out because I'm in too much huh-huh back there. And that's what 1 Peter 3 says.

It says, when a woman operates this way, it is precious in the sight of God. And some of you women need to apologize for your rebellious attitudes toward your husbands, toward their position, because a man is head of the home by position. It's a post. Even if he's doing a bad job, when a president is a bad president, he still is the president. He still is the president. And you must say, Mr. President, you may not like him, you may not vote for him next time, but as long as he's in office, he's the president or the mayor or the governor. It is his post. And that's why even Michael doesn't bring a railing judgment against the devil. You think Michael likes the devil?

No, but he knows his position. Secondly, husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Some of us men have attitudes. Men, love your wives. How do you know if you're loving your wife? Simple. What are you sacrificing for her?

Because we're loving like Christ loved the church, that has to do with sacrifice. Well, let me put it another way. Make sure at the end of the day, you've made more deposits than withdrawals into her life. At the end of the day, when you look at the balance sheet, have put more into her account than have taken out. We men, all of us, have the propensity. We come home, we work hard, we want to know, was she cooked?

No. And how come it's not done yet? We want to know this and that, and she's got to meet this need and that need. And she is constantly having to make withdrawals and her account is empty. If you only make withdrawals out of your wife, don't be upset if there's nothing in the bank at night.

Let me leave that alone and go right on. We are to make more deposits than withdrawals. And the question that all of us, I forget it, most men forget it, the question that we've got to ask when we wake up is what can I deposit in my mate's account today? And you will find out if you make regular deposits, the account will grow with interest.

But if you make regular withdrawals, the account will come empty. Children, obey your parents. Honoring your parents is a mighty thing because it is the first commandment with promise. And the best thing a child can do is honor their parents.

If you live in their home eating their food, sleeping in their bed, it's like one time my daughter growing up, I just remembered this the other day. Ticked me off when I remembered it too. You know, she had this attitude. She had a bad attitude one day. And she didn't like some instruction.

I don't remember the specifics. And so she wanted to stop to her room. Where you going, Crystal? I'm going to my room.

No. You go into my room that I let you sleep in. As long as you eating their food, sleeping in their room, in the house where they pay their note, obey their rules. But even when you move out, honor them. Honor them.

And then parents, verse 21, do not exasperate your children that they may not lose heart. Encourage your children. Don't discourage them. Don't tell them they're nothing and never going to be anything. Tell them what their possibilities are under God.

Correct them when they're wrong, but tell them what their potential is under God. When we do those simple things, as hard as it may be to do, we can make people thirsty for the marriage again. So what we need is not a divorce.

We need a marriage tune-up. We brought our little granddaughter a doll the other day. We brought her a doll. She said, Daddy, the doll is not working. The doll won't work. Well, there was a reason why it wasn't working. It needed batteries. And no matter how much you try to fix your marriage, unless the batteries of God's power are operating in your life, you won't fly. You won't fly. So how do we get going?

Well, the M.I. 414 says fight for your family. Fight. Some of us haven't gone to war. We've tried, but we haven't fought using God's weapons.

And I guarantee you, if you will fight using God's weapons, he can save a home that you don't believe is salvageable. Dr. Tony Evans, with some practical principles that can release your family from Satan's grip. As we've begun working our way through Tony's current series on marriage, there's already been a lot of material we haven't had time to present on the air. So if you'd like to get Dr. Evans' complete look at this important subject, just get in touch with us for details on the special Marriage Matters package, including the two-volume 14 message audio collection on CD or downloadable mp3s, as well as the popular three-booklet bundle, Marriage Matters for Married Men Only and for Married Women Only. We'll send you this complete package as our thank-you gift when you make a contribution to help us keep Tony's teaching on this station. This special offer will only be available for a limited time, so don't miss out. Make your contribution today at tonyevans.org, or let one of our team members help you by calling 1-800-800-3222. Our resource request line is always open, so there's no need to wait.

Again, that's 1-800-800-3222. Throughout history, there are certain things that haven't changed. One of those is that people still need the Lord, today as much as ever. Dr. Evans believes when we share kindness with one another, we're doing both a good thing and a godly thing that helps point those around us to God's kingdom. We encourage you to look for opportunities to be His ambassador through your deliberate acts of kindness each day. Connecting with the incredible power God has given us requires a clear understanding of who we are and who we aren't. Tomorrow Dr. Evans will tell us about both and explain how to keep them in balance. I hope you'll join us. The alternative with Dr. Tony Evans is brought to you by The Urban Alternative and is made possible by the generous contributions of listeners like you.