Becoming a Kingdom Single

You're not a second-rate citizen. In fact, you may not be missing out on all that. Dr. Tony Evans says unmarried believers ought to celebrate their singleness. God's value system is if you are the right kind of single, you are just fine. Celebrating 40 years of faithfulness, this is The Alternative with Dr. Tony Evans. Author, speaker, senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, and president of the Urban Alternative. Some singles believe that life without marriage is life without meaning, but today we'll offer you a very different perspective.

Here's Dr. Evans to give us a look at what's ahead. Well, I'm excited about our message today because we're going to discover that singlehood from God's point of view is not only not all that bad, it can be downright awesome. I know sometimes singles aren't given the kind of credence and credit and everything is emphasizing marriage, and marriage is great, but Paul is going to argue today singlehood is even better.

So I think people are going to find this a kind of different spin on singlehood than they used to, but one well worth hearing. Well, what you're about to hear is part of Dr. Evans' teaching series, The Kingdom Family. And I'll tell you a little later how you can get this entire collection of messages as our gift, along with an added bonus.

But right now, let's jump into today's lesson. A lady had a furniture store, and in her furniture store, she had a few antique items. One was a large table that sat in the middle of the furniture store. She decided that she was going to sell the antique table that had a lot of worth and value to it. But she slashed the price down to $400 in order to sell it.

A gentleman came into the store, and he saw this beautiful antique table. He said, I'll pay you $300 for that table. She says, no, I can't sell it below $400. He said, but if you're willing to sell it for $400, I'm sure you can let it go for $300.

She says, I don't think you understand. This table is worth $1,000. So for me to sell it for $400 is already a big break. I can't go below $400. I can't sell it to you for $300.

I see a scratch on that table. I think you can get it down to $300. She said, I'm sorry, I can't sell it below $400. He said, now, I'm getting ready to leave, but before I leave, I want you to think about it. And I want you to really think hard. Will you sell me this? Will you think about selling me this table for $300?

Just think about it for a minute. She paused. She thought. She said, okay, I have thought about it, and I will change my price. The table is now $600. We said, $600?

Wait a minute. You just alluded to $400. I'm asking for $300, and now you bump it up to $600?

She said, yes. She said, because the longer we talked about it, the more I understood it was worth. Every time I kept telling myself it was worth $1,000, it got bumped up 50 more dollars. So the more you talked, the more value I felt. And the more value I felt, the higher price I was willing to put on it. So he had to pay $600 to get a table that he was ignoring for $400 because this lady was reminded of its value. See, we have far too many single Christians who don't know their value.

And so they're willing to reduce their value price and go cheap. When if they thought about it long enough and hard enough and more biblically, they would understand that God's view of singlehood is a lot different than the value that's been placed on it, both by the world and, unfortunately, I confess, by the church. There is a major emphasis on marriage in the church, as there ought to be.

But not enough attention is given to what it means to be a kingdom single. Chapter 7, most of the chapter is talking about singlehood of 1 Corinthians. He talks about marriage and he talks about singlehood. And he wants to give you God's view, that is a kingdom view, of singlehood. Paul starts off wanting you to know something in verse 24. Brethren, each one is to remain with God in the condition in which he was called.

Now that's going to introduce a discussion of singlehood and marriage. But what I want to catch your attention to as we get into this, is he calls your condition, whether married or single, tied to a call. He says, I want you to remain with God in the state in which you were called.

Have you ever thought about your singlehood or the fact that you're married even as a calling? That is, as a divinely ordained state, not just a physical relational state. He says, when you come to me called, I don't want you to arbitrarily try to switch states.

In other words, I don't want you to reduce where I have you. I just want you to hang out with me in the state you're in. He says, with God. See, the problem is, both in marriage and specifically with singlehood, we've defined those states without God.

And because we've defined the states without God, the states become a problem. Many Christian singles are missing out on the glory of singlehood, hoping for marriage. Paul is going to make a big deal about marriage.

Marriage is great. But he doesn't want singles to miss out on the blessing of being God's single. He says, with God. In other words, he doesn't want you just going out there, just trying to find somebody and grab somebody and look for somebody and Google somebody and, you know, go to the club and bump into somebody. He doesn't just want you to go out there to find a mate. Let me find a mate. Let me find a mate.

I got to get me somebody. Because if you just go out there to find a mate, you're going to find some trouble. See, what the world does and the television does and entertainment does and your guy friends do and your girlfriends do is they make a bigger deal of it than God makes. So then you feel pressure to conform to the world because they've given a value system God does not have. God's value system, as you'll see in a moment, is that if you are the right kind of single, you are just fine. You're not a second-rate citizen, a second-class citizen, and in fact, you may not be missing out on all that.

Okay? Singles are missing out on living by spending time divided in a way God never meant for you to be divided and therefore the enemy is able to rip off your singlehood. When God made Adam, Adam didn't have a wife, he was a single, but he was totally occupied with God's purposes and he was a fulfilled single. He wasn't running around saying, I'm 35, I'm not married yet, because that just wasn't part of the plan for right now.

And I know sinners in the world and there are new challenges now, but what God is trying to say to you and me in this regard is that you are not to allow something that's not yours now to distract you from your primary focus if you want to be fulfilled. Some of you have heard me tell the story of Hank Aaron. Hank Aaron was a baseball player for the Atlanta Braves and the catcher that year when he was playing the Yankees was Yogi Berra. I used to be a catcher in high school and one of the jobs of the catcher is to irritate the batter, to distract him. So you talk about his mama, you know, your mama can't hit, you can't hit, you know, you talk about, you know, you're a big man, little stick, you know, can't hit the ball and, you know, you make noise. So Yogi Berra said to Hank Aaron, the writing on your bat, every bat has an insignia, the writing on your bat is turned the wrong way because you're supposed to face the writing, supposed to face you and if you don't have the writing the right way you can break the bat or reverberate with your hands.

So you have to have the writing in the right way. So let's say it said, Louisville Slugger on the bat. So he'd have it and he said, the writing, the insignia on the bat is turned the wrong way. Didn't even look at him, didn't pay attention to him, he kept looking at the pitcher because Yogi Berra was trying to distract him from paying attention to the pitcher. The next pitch that came down, Hank Aaron hits it over the center field fence for a home run. Runs around first, runs around second, runs around third, comes home, touches the home plate. He's on his way back to the dugout after hitting a home run.

Hank Aaron stops, looks back at Yogi Berra, says, hey Yogi, just thought you might want to know, I ain't come here to read. See, if you don't know what you're here for, you're going to have a bunch of voices distracting you from God's purpose for your singlehood because he calls it a calling. You ought to look at your singlehood if you're single and married if you're married as not only a state that you're in but a calling you ought to take advantage of.

You ought to take advantage of it if you're single in an undistracted way. Here's the question every Christian single should ask. God, how do you want to use me in the state I'm in till you change my state for your maximum purpose? That is the question every single Christian should ask and seek God's answer on. Because when God answers that question, while the desire to be married will stay there, the domination of marriage won't be there because you will be undistracted. Many of us are distracted by bad relationships. We're distracted by the wrong girlfriends or godfriends in our lives. We're distracted by TV shows who make us feel bad. We are distracted, distracted, distracted. God can't get our attention and as a result we don't experience what God wants us to experience in the single phase of life.

During this time you should be preparing yourself for whenever that day comes so that you are not only married the right person, you are the right person to marry. Because what good is it if you find Mr. Right and you miss wrong?

What good is it if you have not become a better person because of your undistracted devotion? Have you ever been to a real pizzeria? I'm talking about one run by the Italians. That's the real deal. They take this wad of dough and then they begin to abuse it. They slam it down. They take a rolling pin and mash it flat.

They pick it up and spin it on their finger. Come on, I want the good stuff. I want the sauce, the cheese, the pepperoni, the sausage. I want the good stuff. But in a real pizzeria you can't get the good stuff until the dough has been made ready to receive it. Okay? A lot of us want the good stuff when the dough has not been made ready to receive it.

You know? Suppose God wants to do something in you before he gives you someone. But because you're so distracted, he can't do what he wants to do in you so you never get around to someone because the thing he wanted to do, you're so distracted over here, he can't lead you over there. He says, I want to every single, every Christian single, undistracted devotion to the Lord. That is, fulfilling your divinely ordained purpose. And every Christian has one. Every single Christian has one.

God wants to use whatever he's given you undistracted. So don't let married folk distract you from being a maximized single because you are first class in God's point of view. Dr. Evans will have more for us when he continues our message in just a moment, including a thought about why singles ought to be the happiest people in the church. First though, I want to share a few words about a powerful resource we're offering to go along with Tony's current study. The Kingdom Family Devotional, written by Dr. Evans and his son Jonathan, covers 52 practical topics, one for each week, with a set of five devotionals for each topic. The material is simple enough to share with your kids, but solid enough to challenge every member of your family to grow stronger in their faith while also growing closer to each other. We're offering a copy of the Kingdom Family Devotional as our thank you gift to those who support Tony's work here on the air with a financial contribution. And as a special bonus, we'll also include all six lessons in his current teaching series, The Kingdom Family, available on both CD and digital download. This special double offer runs out tomorrow, so visit us right away at TonyEvans.org, or call our resource request line at 1-800-800-3222. Team members are standing by around the clock to help with your resource request. That's 1-800-800-3222, or online at TonyEvans.org. I'll have our contact information again for you after Part 2 of today's lesson, and this. Application of the Kingdom Agenda, anytime, anywhere. Visit TonyEvansTraining.org to get started today.

That's TonyEvansTraining.org. I was on my way to Memphis one year, and I was in this crowded airport at DFW Airport. I was in the airport, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people. And I, like me, they're going somewhere. I'm going to Memphis. All of a sudden, I hear this, Dr. Tony Evans, Dr. Tony Evans, will you pick up the red courtesy phone? So, I go looking around for a red courtesy phone. Find a red courtesy phone.

It's my assistant. My assistant says, there have been a change in plan. I just got a call from the folks in Memphis. They've rearranged some things, so you will not be flying out of that airport today for this comeback home because they've rearranged some things. I'm in a crowded airport with a lot of people, and I got a plan. My plan is to go to Memphis today. I got a plan. I got my ticket.

I'm on my way. But I get interrupted by a phone call. What was interesting is, with all them people there, them folk called my name because I was personally being rerouted to another destination. What am I trying to say? I'm trying to say, God knows where you are, and he knows your name. He knows when it's time to find you and reroute you.

You focus on his plan, keep going with the destination he has for you, and don't worry, you're going to miss out on something because he knows how to find out where you are, what gate you're at, track you down, and call you by name when it's time for him to reroute you into another situation, another relationship, another opportunity, and another priority. God knows your name. But the problem is, if you're not tuned into him, you won't hear him call your name on the loudspeaker.

See, there are a lot of singles. God wants to call your name, he just can't get your attention because you're fooling around with the folks you shouldn't be fooling around with. You're seeking a wife or husband in the wrong places.

You're in a messed up situation, so you won't hear him if he calls or when he calls because you've been distracted in a way he tells you not to be distracted. He makes a statement in verse 37 I want to make a brief word about before we give our closing scripture. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and is decided in his own heart to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. Now, what's interesting is, in your Bible, the word daughter should be italicized. That means it was not in the original text.

They added it to try to finish out the sentence, to make the sentence make sense in English. And they added it because the word daughter is used earlier in the passage, okay? But if you leave the word daughter off, that's italicized in your Bible, it would say simply to keep his own virgin. So it could equally refer to a boyfriend girlfriend kind of situation, not necessarily a daughter. If it's referring to a boyfriend girlfriend situation, he says, if you're in a relationship and you're having trouble keeping your girl a virgin, in other words, things have gotten hot in the relationship, he says, marry her or break up with her, but don't mess her up.

Because see, we got a lot of girls being messed up, messed over, and then the guy disappears without marrying her. The concept of the virgin was the veil, and it goes back to the temple. In the temple, there was a veil that separated the holy place from the holy of holies. There was this veil that came down because the holy of holies was the private dwelling place of God. And there was a veil that hid that. So when the Bible talks about sex and talks about virgins and talks about women and talks about her body being the temple, when God created a woman, he created a veil. He created a veil because to penetrate the veil is to penetrate the holiest place of all.

See, it was designed to reflect the temple. So what God is saying is, if you're in this relationship and you know you're not going to be able to keep it, you're not going to be able to keep from having sex, then you should marry her or you should not continue the relationship, but what you shouldn't do is jeopardize her. Why? Because then you're jeopardizing someone who's going to ultimately belong to somebody else. And you're not free to use her and mess over her and then desert her. So he wants men, in particular in this case, to take this very, very seriously. Then he comes down in his final point and says a wife is bound to her husband as long as her husband lives. Verse 39 says, but if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wishes only in the Lord.

In other words, you're only supposed to marry another Christian. Now we live in a day when folks are looking for soul mates. That's not the first mate you're supposed to look for. You're supposed to first look for a spirit mate. When the body gets old and the souls are in conflict, you better have the spirit left to hang on to. If that's not there, when the body fades and the soul is in conflict, there is nothing else to hold you together because there is no spiritual union intact. So he says only in the Lord.

That is only to another Christian. Now, he said a lot about fathers in this passage because in the Bible, the father covered the daughter. It was the job of the father to cover the daughter from male predators. The guy, supposed to know men, he is to protect the daughter from male predators. So he covered her, and this is where in the passage we get permission of the father giving permission for his daughter to get married because he wants to cover her.

Every woman is supposed to have a covering. Under natural ways, it should be her father, assuming her father is there and assuming her father is responsible, taking responsibility for her well-being. But let's say you're a female and you don't have a father. Paul says in chapter 4, verse 15, he says, I am your father.

He says to the church, I am your father. So the church should act as a covering, particularly for single women, hold men responsible, but particularly for single women to make sure they're not ripped off by fools who can talk good, who will destroy their lives. So ladies, when it's time for you to get married, find a father that is a spiritually responsible churchman. If you don't have a biological one who's spiritual, who will make sure that that man understands his responsibility to cover you once you're released to him. Because a woman is supposed to be covered by a man, not abused by a man, not hit by a man, not cussed out by a man, not pushed around by a man, not being mistreated by a man. That's not what you are entering this into. And he needs to look in the eyes of another man who holds him accountable for his responsibility to the woman.

Because you're not a floorcloth to be walked on or used. He says in verse 40, but in my judgment, opinion means judgment, she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think I also have the Spirit of God. So watch this. He says that the happiest folk in church should be the single.

That's what he said. He said, if she wants to get married, it's fine, just only in the Lord. But in my judgment, which is based on the Spirit of God, he says, she is happier if she's single.

So he says singleness is the happier position to be in. Dr. Tony Evans, talking about what it means to become a kingdom single. Part of his current six-lesson series, The Kingdom Family, an in-depth look at God's original plan for life in the home. As I mentioned earlier, we're offering the complete Kingdom Family audio series, as well as the popular Kingdom Family devotional as our gift when you make a donation to help support Tony's ministry. You can make the arrangements to get this special double offer at TonyEvans.org. Again, TonyEvans.org. Or let one of our team members help you when you call our resource request line at 1-800-800-3222. That number again, 1-800-800-3222. You know, the world works overtime to sell us its broken version of sexuality. But tomorrow, Dr. Evans will confront what our culture is saying with solid biblical truth, as he brings us a message called, Understanding Kingdom Sexuality. Be sure to join us. The Alternative with Dr. Tony Evans is brought to you by The Urban Alternative and is celebrating 40 years of faithfulness thanks to the generous contributions of listeners like you.