The Detours of Pardon

Many of us are being hindered from our destiny because we're being held hostage by a leash around our souls called unforgiveness. Dr. Tony Evans explains why getting the pardon we need depends on the pardon we give. If you're holding on to vengeance, then you are blocking God from taking care of it for you. Celebrating 40 years of faithfulness, this is the alternative with Dr. Tony Evans, author, speaker, senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, Texas, and president of the Urban Alternative. When we think of hostages, we picture people being held against their will or threatened in some other way. Today, Dr. Evans will talk about the kind of hostage who could walk away at any time but refuses to go.

Get ready to turn to the book of Genesis as he explains. Two monks were on their way to a particular destination. On their way, they had to cross a shallow river to get to where they were going. They ran into an older lady, a heavyset lady, who was sitting at the bank of the river that they had to cross. When they got to the bank of the river and saw the lady, the lady was crying, and they asked her, what's wrong? She said, I can't cross the river. I don't know how to cross the river.

I'm scared to cross the river. So, kindly, the monks picked up the lady and carried her across the river. When she got to the other side, she thanked them, went on her way, and they began to continue to their destination. But as they began to continue to their destination, one of the monks complained about the pain in his back. He said, boy, carrying that woman across, she was heavyset, and it was difficult walking across the river, and my back is hurting so bad. The other monk said, well, let's keep on going.

But after a few more steps, he said, I can't make it. I'm hurting too bad. The other monk said to him, what's wrong? He says, I'm carrying the woman. I'm hurting too bad. He says, aren't you hurting? The other monk said, no, I got rid of her five miles ago.

He was still carrying the woman, although the woman had long gone. A lot of us are not reaching our destination because we're still carrying the pain of the past. The weightiness of yesterday is still weighing us down, causing us pain today, keeping us from the place God wants us to arrive at. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will hinder you arriving at God's destiny for you like unforgiveness. If anybody had a right to be angry, bitter, and hold a grudge, it was Joseph.

A dysfunctional family, a dysfunctional father, put in a pit, sold into slavery, seduced, unjustly jailed, forgotten in jail. If anybody had a right to be mad, if anybody had a right to say life is not fair, it was Joseph. Joseph occupies from chapter 37 to chapter 50 of the book of Genesis, so God wanted us to zero in on this man's life.

He gave so much of the first book of the Bible to it, because He wanted to show us the key to destiny. And one of the things that Joseph was going to have to grapple with, that you and I will have to grapple with, if you're going to finish life having fulfilled the reason why God left you here, then you're going to have to, we're going to have to deal with the issue of forgiveness. First of all, let's define forgiveness, because part of the problem is many people don't know what it is, or they don't know if they've really done it. Forgiveness in the Bible means a decision to no longer credit an offense against an offender. Forgiveness has to do with a decision.

Let's start with that. It is not first and foremost an emotion. Forgiveness is not how you're feeling in any given moment. It has to do with whether you have made the choice to delete the offense. If you are seeking revenge, if vengeance is yours, forgiveness has not occurred, because when forgiveness occurs, the delete button is pushed, or as 1st Corinthians 13.5 says, you keep no record. Forgiveness can operate on two levels, unilateral forgiveness and transactional forgiveness. Unilateral forgiveness is when you forgive and the person hasn't asked for it, requested it, or repented of what they did to you. You are unilaterally, that is on your own without their involvement, granting them forgiveness. The reason you grant unilateral forgiveness is so that you can keep going, because nothing will hold you hostage to your detours, keeping you from your destiny like unforgiveness. But then there is a second level of forgiveness, transactional forgiveness.

Transactional forgiveness is where there is a desire for conciliation and restoration of a relationship. It's where the person who has offended you is willing to confess and repent in order to restore what was broken. Now, I want to show you in chapter 45 the steps you take to validate your own forgiveness. Chapter 45 verse 1, then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood before him. He cried, have everyone go out from me so that there is no man with me when Joseph made himself known to his brothers.

He wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it and the household of Pharaoh heard of it. Here's how you know you're serious about forgiveness. You don't bring other people in who have nothing to do with the sin.

He told all the Egyptians, y'all leave. Y'all are not involved with this. Y'all have nothing to do with this.

I'm gonna confront the offenders, but y'all get out. You always know a person who has not forgiven because of the gossip. They bring people in who have nothing to do with it, who can't fix it, they can't resolve it, they don't even know about it, but I want to bring them into it because I want to vent, because I'm seeking vengeance. True forgiveness does not bring people into it who have nothing to do with it. So if you are gossiping to everybody else about the offense and the offender, forgiveness has not occurred. Secondly, you know you have forgiven. When you make the offender feel at ease with you, verse 4, then Joseph said to his brethren, please come closer to me. When you haven't forgiven, you say, get away from me. He says, come, y'all did me wrong, come close to me.

I am now welcoming you into my space. He makes them feel comfortable in his presence instead of making them feel uncomfortable in his presence. He says, come near, not get out of my sight. I can't stand you, don't want to ever see you again, get away from me.

No, he says, come near to me. And these were the ones who've done him wrong. So forgiveness creates a space where the offender who repents, because we're talking about transactional forgiveness now, not unilateral, where the offender can come into a space they've been extricated from because of their offense. The next thing that happens, verse 5, now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves because you sold me here.

The next thing that true forgiveness will do is it will help the offender to forgive themselves when they've asked you to forgive them. And then he did one more thing. Wow. Verse 9, hurry and go to my father, Joseph says, and say to him, my father Jacob, say to him, thus says your son Joseph, God has made me lord of all of Egypt, come down to me, do not delay. I don't want you to miss this. He tells his brothers, go back home and tell daddy I'm okay up here in Egypt. Wait a minute, you mean you're not gonna tell him to go tell daddy what y'all did to me? You're not gonna go back and tell daddy I want y'all go back?

And I want y'all to tell daddy every little thing y'all did to me, how you did it, I want you to go tell daddy. What he did was he protected them from the one who would have been hurt most by it, because he was seeking transactional forgiveness. If you're holding on to vengeance, watch this, then you are blocking God from taking care of it for you. If you're trying to pay him back yourself, then God will let you pay him back yourself, but God will stay out of it. The Scripture says that vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord, and I will repay. God believes in justice, he believes in payback, his way, his time, and he does it without your help.

I'm not talking about somebody who breaks the law, that's a legal issue. It should be addressed, but we're talking about personal vengeance. He says that I will repay, and if you read the story you'll find out he did. Dr. Evans will have more for us on the link between forgiving and being forgiven when he comes back in a moment to continue this lesson from his series Freedom Through Forgiveness. This short but powerful six-part set points the way toward the healing and fulfillment we can experience when we understand the mercy God has shown us and pass it along to those who've hurt us, even if those hurts feel like they're tearing us apart. Unforgiveness is like an emotional cancer, but the principles in this message collection are the cure, and we'll send it to you as our thank-you gift when you make a contribution to help us keep Tony's teaching on this station. Along with it, we'll include his companion book for this series, 30 Days to Victory Through Forgiveness.

It's a step-by-step month-long journey toward freedom from the wrongs done to you or by you. Visit us at tonyevans.org, make your contribution online, and let us send you a copy of the special two-resource package before time runs out next Wednesday, or give us a call at 1-800-800-3222. Our resource center is open 24-7, so there's always someone waiting to help you. Again, that's tonyevans.org, or call 1-800-800-3222.

Well, Dr. Evans, we'll come back with more of today's message right after this. It's beyond a Sunday sermon, a chance to really dig in to the Bible and the kingdom in a new way, anytime and anywhere, because it's all online. The Tony Evans Training Center, in-depth courses on all kinds of topics, cultural transformation, intro to expository preaching, Jude, John, Hebrews, Old Testament, New Testament, and so much more. These aren't sermons, they're teaching courses to help you engage, understand Scripture, and not just to hear about, but to explore the kingdom of God on your own. Find out more at tonyevanstraining.org.

TonyEvansTraining.org. Take Judah, and the reason I want to talk about Judah is because he was the lead guy who got Joseph put in the hole to begin with when he was 17. Judah said, let's get rid of him. Well, if you read the story, you will find a whole chapter on Judah. Now why is Judah put in this story with a whole chapter on him when the whole story is about Joseph? But there's a whole chapter on Judah, because it's showing you how God pays somebody back who messes over you. Because when you read the story of Judah, in the middle of the story of Joseph, Judah starts losing his sons to death, he gets tricked by his daughter-in-law, has an affair with his daughter-in-law, giving birth to a child from his own daughter-in-law. His whole life crumbles because God will repay.

But if you don't believe that, then you get to pay it without God. But if you believe that, then you know vengeance is mine, and you know when God moves, He moves. What helped Joseph to forgive?

This was a painful situation he's lived through. Verse 50 through 52. Now before the year of famine came, two sons were born to Joseph, whom Asenath, the daughter of Potipharah, priest of On, bore to him. Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh, for he said, God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father's household. He named the second Ephraim, for he said, God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.

God set him up for forgiveness. He gave him a whole new family, and he said, my new family helped me forget my old family. And the way he kept reminding himself that he was no longer hostage to his old family was in naming his kids. He named one Manasseh and one Ephraim. Manasseh means God has helped me to forget my troubles. Well, how often did he have to say the name Manasseh? Every time he was calling him to dinner, every time he was correcting him, when he was sending him to school, Manasseh this, Manasseh that, Manasseh this, Manasseh that. So every time he called Manasseh's name, God has helped me to forget, God has helped me to forget.

God has helped me to forget. He named the baby exactly what he needed from God. But to help Manasseh out, you need to have a second baby. Ephraim. Ephraim means God has made me fruitful.

Watch this now. And he says, in the land of my affliction. Okay, Manasseh, God has caused me to forget.

That is the pain. Ephraim he's blessing me where I am right now. See, if you get so locked into the past that you don't see the goodness of God that he is showing you right now.

So you need to say Manasseh, but then you got to turn and look at Ephraim. Because Ephraim says, oh well, what happened to me yesterday? But God is providing for me today. He's blessing me today. He's taking care of me today.

And even though I had a bad yesterday, my baby's name is Ephraim today. Unforgiveness blocks you from the supernatural. Lord's Prayer, Matthew 6, forgiveness our trespasses as we forgive those whose trespass the gangsters. You read further in the chapter and he says, for if you do not forgive you will not be forgiven.

We all have to remember we got two sides to our story. The need to forgive and the need to be forgiven. There are very few people who need to forgive who don't also need to be forgiven, okay? Forgiveness is a beautiful word when you need it.

It's an ugly word when you have to give it. But we all need both words because we need to be forgiven and we need to forgive. He says, and when you do your Father who is in heaven will forgive you. He's not talking about your salvation.

He's talking about your fellowship, your harmony, your experience with Him. You no longer walk in darkness, John chapter 1 says. You're now living in the light. You're in the light of the supernatural.

Your GPS is working now. He can move you on to the place He's taking you. God will recycle your pain to His purpose. Doesn't excuse it, vengeance is mine. It doesn't say you ignore it, not saying any of that. I'm saying you have a providentially sovereign God who can overrule it and fulfill His purposes in spite of it and in fact use it for where He's taking you. You've seen the movie.

I'm sure 90% of you have. The old movie, Forrest Gump. You remember Forrest had a friend from his childhood days named Jenny, and one day Forrest and Jenny were walking along and they came across the shack in which she was raised, which was also the shack in which she was abused by her parents. When she walked by her old home, that shack, she looked at it, she reached down, she picked up a rock and threw it at the shack. Then she reached down, she picked up another rock, and threw it through the window of the shack. Then she reached down and she picked up another rock, and she remembered the pain of the past. And after she had thrown as many stones or rocks as her energy would allow, she collapsed. And that's when Forrest looked at her and said, Jenny, sometimes there just aren't enough rocks, because no matter how many you throw in, that shack is still up there.

Some of us have been throwing stones at the shack. Why did you do that? Why didn't you stop Him? Why did I have to go through that? That was not fair. Stop! I can't take it anymore.

You've thrown rocks, but the shack is still up, because sometimes there are not enough stones. Dr. Evans will come back in a moment with a final illustration to wrap up this message he calls The Detours of Pardon, part of his current series, Freedom Through Forgiveness. Copies of this individual message are available. Just visit tonyevans.org to get the details. Better yet, request this entire six-lesson collection when you make a contribution toward the ministry of the Urban Alternative. And we'll send it to you along with the companion booklet I mentioned earlier, Thirty Days to Victory Through Forgiveness. Just visit tonyevans.org to get the details and make the arrangements. Or call us, day or night, at 1-800-800-3222. That's 1-800-800-3222.

As you heard at the top of the program, the Urban Alternative is celebrating its 40th anniversary this year. The expansion and growth we've experienced is nothing short of a miracle, and a lot of it traces back to the unique way Dr. Evans communicates across racial and cultural lines. Here's what he told me recently about how the Lord equipped him to do that. I was the fourth African-American student at Dallas Theological Seminary, so many of the students there were not used to being around black people, but because of my personality, I would take the initiative, build relationships. I could see those who didn't want it versus those who were open to it versus those who were confused about it. I went and knocked on doors, met professors, talked to them. So I would take the initiative to not only learn, but to build bridges. But at the same time, I went to a black church there, community Bible Church, headed by a guy named Ruben Conner, and this kept me in touch with the black community, and he had a ministry starting black churches. And so that kept me involved in black church ministry while attending a conservative white theological center, so I'm still operating on dual tracks. And so I think that, again, kept me in both worlds—biblical, conservative theology— but operating in two directions. In one direction, I wanted to strengthen the biblical foundation in the African-American community.

In the other direction, I wanted to increase the social sensitivity in the white community. Well, Dr. Evans says forgiving others releases us from one source of pain and prevents a brand new one. He'll tell us what it is tomorrow, but right now, he's back with a final thought for those who aren't feeling free enough to forgive. But you say, Pastor, I still feel it.

I still feel it. Let me remind you about the bell. You know, the bell in the bell towers is on a rope, and you pull the rope. Bong! Bong! Bong!

And then they would let the rope go, and you still hear bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong!

Because when they let go of the rope, the bell would still be swinging, but it would slow down until it stopped, because they were no longer forcing it to ring. I want to invite you today to let go of the rope, because as long as you're pulling that rope—bong! Bong!

It's not fair! Bong! You hurt me too bad! Bong!

You never said I'm sorry! Bong! As long as you're pulling the rope, you're gonna hear in your soul the sound of the bell.

But when you make the decision to let it go, it may ring for a little while. Bong! Bong! Bong! Until you feel it subside. The alternative with Dr. Tony Evans is brought to you by The Urban Alternative and is celebrating 40 years of faithfulness thanks to the generous contributions of listeners like you.