If you become the head of the house and he becomes the follower, and the children are ruling the parents, God is not involved in the house. Doctor Tony Evans talks about God's kingdom agenda for wives and the problems we run into when we don't follow it. When we're out of alignment in our roles, the devil has freedom because he knows God only works inside of his alignment. This is the Alternative Broadcast, featuring the timeless biblical teachings from the Ark. Of Dr.
Tony Evans, God has set up a chain of command for family life, and sometimes even speaking about it can make people uncomfortable. But today, Dr. Evans shares the purpose behind the plan and the difference it can make in your home. Let's join him as he talks about becoming a kingdom wife. The reason God created family, the foundational institution in society, was for the advancement of His kingdom in history.
It was a kingdom purpose, and to subdue the earth, that is, oversee the earth on His behalf through the family structure and its replication, be fruitful and multiply, throughout the earth, replicating the image of God everywhere. Children would establish new families.
So my first concern is that we get back to the biblical purpose for family, the advancement of God's kingdom and history, through the marriage of a man and a woman. But even if you have the biblical purpose of family, you may not be organized according to God's structure for family. You cannot get God's involvement if you create your own structure, because God always starts with the man. Is if the home is out of order, we have to first ask: Is the man out of alignment? If a man is not subordinated to Christ properly, then Christ is not free to work to him, through him, and in him for the management and ruling of his domain.
So, the alignment of the man is critical. It's foundational, and it's first. But today we want to talk about the alignment of the woman, the wife. When Satan came into the garden, he went to Eve, not Adam, on purpose. He went to Eve because he flipped God's order.
Instead of going to the man, he went to the woman. Eve became the leader of the house. Adam became the passive responder. Roles got flipped; all hell broke loose. Whenever roles get flipped, you don't have to invite the devil.
He can invite himself. When we are out of alignment with God, when we're out of alignment in our roles, the devil has freedom because he knows God only works inside of his alignment.
So he creates disconnections. He creates alignment confusion.
So the man is not in his role, or the wife is not in her role, or both are not in their role, fulfilling the alignment.
Now let me make this point inextricably clear: this has nothing to do with equality of persons. Jesus is equal to God. But it has everything to do with effectiveness of function. While Jesus is equal to God in His being, He is not equal to God in His function. Jesus said, "When He came to Earth, I have come to do Thy will, O God." So what Jesus did was He submitted Himself to the Father.
To carry out his function on earth, while at the same time, Philippians two, being equal to the Father.
So every woman is equal to her husband in her being, but she is not equal to her husband in her function.
Now he says in verse twenty-two of Ephesians five, the hated word. Wives, be subject to your own husbands. The word "subject" means to place oneself under. Place oneself under.
So he is literally saying, wives, if you're married, place yourself underneath. Your husband.
Now you'll understand that in a moment. Stick with me. Place yourself under your husband. But now I hear the argument. You're saying, "But I'm scared because if I do that, I don't know what I'm going to wind up with." Well, he puts a limitation on the placement.
He says, "Place yourself under your husband as unto the Lord." He says in verse twenty-three, these words. He says, "For the husband is head of the wife." As Christ is also head of the church, so he says he is your head, but he is your head like something, like Christ is to the church. He says in verse twenty-four. But as the church is subject to Christ, so wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. In other words, every wife, Christian wife, is to be underneath her Christian.
Husband, but with limitations. The limitations are that he cannot go outside of God in demanding your submission.
So it is specific, definite submission, placing yourself under. But it is placing yourself under. With boundaries, he comes to the end of the chapter. He says in verse thirty-two, "This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church." In other words, he said, "I'm talking about marriage." Now, in heaven, there's no marriage. When you get raptured up to heaven, there will be no marriage.
I know many of you are saying, "Thank God." Okay, there will be no marriage. Why won't there be marriage? Because Christ will be with His church, you see, the reason God created marriage for Christians is to model the love of Christ for the church and the response of the church to the love of Christ through submission. Since Jesus will be with His church, there will be no need for the illustration anymore, and there will be no desire for the institution anymore.
So the the reason God created marriage was to model His kingdom, something bigger, Christ's relationship to the church. Then He comes in verse thirty three and says, Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it.
Some lady, somebody in here, say, see to it, see to it. That is, make sure, make sure that she respects her husband. All right. There is no command in the Bible for a woman to love her husband. There are references of women loving their husbands, but they're not commands.
There's a command for a man to love his wife, not a command for a wife to love her husband. The command in verse thirty-three is that she respects her husband, because ladies, what your husband needs is not in his heart; it's in his head. Women will regularly say, "I don't believe he loves me." But men will regularly say, "I don't believe she respects me," because what a man is needing, wanting, desiring, and what he feeds off of is respect. To respect means to hold in high esteem, to reverence, to hold up in high esteem. You are to respect your husband.
Watch this. Even when you disagree with him, let's say you're in court, the judge is behind the bench, and he makes a decision you don't like. You gonna jump up and cuff him out? You gonna tell him you no good so and so? No, you're not gonna do that, because you're gonna be held in contempt of court.
Contempt means disrespect. In other words, you're not gonna say what you want to say, or say what you feel like saying, 'cause sitting up there is an office. He's the judge, so you will respect his position, even though you disagree with his point. To respect does not mean you agree. To respect means I know the office you hold, so even in my disagreement, I'm gonna say, Your Honor.
You gonna say, Your Honor, you know, but you gonna give him his props, even though he may be wrong in his decision, because you're gonna respect it. Because you know what, you don't want to be held in contempt. Unfortunately, God has to hold a lot of His women in contempt to court. Because they are dishonoring to the husband, though, misunderstand me. It starts with him; he's ultimately responsible.
But there is a role that the wife has to play, and that is to respect. First Peter three breaks down this issue of respect, and it got real quiet in here. First Peter three, because I know this is going to be a shift for many of you ladies who are not used to kingdom thinking. Not culture thinking, kingdom thinking.
Okay. In the same way, you wives, First Peter three one, be submissive to your own husbands, so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives. Or let's put it in another way: Don't try to nag them in the changing. Without a word, that means without nagging.
Okay, don't try to nag. You've been trying to nag him for twenty years. He ain't changed yet, so obviously nagging is not it. He says the way you affect him is by your submission to him, legitimate submission. He says to do this without a word, as they verse two observe your chase and respectful behavior.
In other words, they are watching you respect them. They are seeing it. It becomes something. It's sight and sound. You are visually recognizing his position as your husband, and he says you do it first of all in how you look.
Look at verse three. Your adornment must not be merely external: braiding of hair, wearing gold jewelry, and putting on of dresses.
Now. He doesn't say you want to look nice. He says you are not to merely look nice. That is, your beauty should not just be external.
So now let me ask you this question: How much time, ladies, do you spend looking nice?
Okay, you're looking at shopping to look nice in the mirror, putting up makeup to put in nice, braiding of the hair or braiding of the extensions to look nice. I mean, how much time are you spending to look nice? Probably a lot.
Okay, you look beautiful today. You you you've come and you are looking wonderful. But what he is saying is, don't be couture in church and bargain basement at home. Don't come out and and let it just be for show for everybody else. But he doesn't get to see this respectful behavior at home.
He says, in addition to looking good on the outside, you ought to look in the mirror of God's word to make sure you're pretty on the inside. He says he ought to see your respectful behavior. Looking pretty and cussing them out doesn't work. Looking pretty and putting them down doesn't work. Looking pretty and talking about him to your girlfriends like a dog doesn't work.
He says you are pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside because they don't see the respect. He says it ought to be visible. It ought to be seen. Dr. Evans will talk about some specific ways to make that respect visible when he continues our message in just a moment.
First, though, I want to remind you about a special resource we're making available right now: all six full-length messages in Dr. Evans' teaching series, "The Kingdom Family." This collection explores God's design for the home. And offers practical biblical principles for building stronger families and understanding the unique role each of us has within the family. We'd like to send you the complete series on CD, USB flash drive, or instantly downloadable MP3s as our thank you gift when you make a contribution to support Tony's ministry. And as an added bonus for a limited time, we'll also include Dr.
Evans' "One Family Under God" paperback, a companion to the series that explores the foundational issues facing our homes and points us toward the family as God intended it. To take advantage of this special offer, visit TonyEvans.org or call our resource center at 1-800-832-222 and let one of our team. Members help you day or night. That's one eight hundred eight hundred three two two two. Doctor Evans will return with more of today's lesson right after this.
What happens when faith meets the edge of survival? On the Unbound podcast, Doctor Tony Evans shares stories shaped by hardship, purpose, and redemption. At one point in my life, I could have gone down a path where probably years in prison or not being here today. Generational trauma can be passed from generation to generation, but so can healing. Forgiveness can be the key that continues to unlock your future.
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Right now, let's get back to today's message. Far too many ladies will look better for their boss than they look for their husbands. They'll get dressed. Yes, Mr. Jones.
No, Mr. Jones. Can I get you some coffee, Mr. Jones? Anything else I can do for you, Mr.
Jones? Yes, I'll be glad to work overtime if you need me to stay here longer, Mr. Jones. Come home, but you won't eat. I'm tired.
I'm tired. Get your own coffee.
Well, get up early if Mr. Jones needs you early. Won't get up early enough to cook him breakfast, so he doesn't have to leave hungry and buy it outside. Because the beauty is for out there and not in here. He says they should observe your respectful behavior.
Yeah, he said it, Peter. Don't get mad at me. That's what Peter said. In fact, he breaks it down more. He says, "Let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit." He's not talking about not talking.
He's talking about a quiet spirit. He's talking about how you come across. He says, "A quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." He says, "God is looking for the spirit." Is it an honoring spirit? Yes, he has a responsibility. It's the lead responsibility.
We've addressed that, but a woman has a responsibility too—to let it be visible that I'm honoring him and recognizing him and supporting him. When you look at the woman in Proverbs 31, she's helping her husband every kind of way—ministerially. She's helping him with the ministry. She's helping him with real estate. She's helping him with the poor.
She's helping him with the kids. She's—I mean, this lady's all over the place. She's still looking good. Because he's dressing in purple, which was the couture of the day. You know, she's girlfriend's looking good, but the thing that marks her off is it says she feared God.
It says she feared God. She took God seriously. Her husband was known in the gates. Look at chapter three, verse. Five.
For in this way, in former times, the holy women who also hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. It says, "The holy women of old." See, a lot of reason why a lot of women are messed up is they ain't hanging out with holy women. See, you hanging out with unholy girlfriends, girl. I'd have left him a long time ago. You had to deal with that girl.
You you hanging out with unholy women, getting unholy advice, making you an unholy wife.
Okay. The Bible says in Titus two, you ought to hang out with spiritually mature women who are going to help you love Him better, who are going to help you love you, be a better mother, who are going to help you prioritize your home. Because here's the principle: when what you're doing outside of the home conflicts or diminishes your priority inside of the home, you're doing too much. Outside of the home, and that may mean you have to change and be satisfied and content with your needs, and not try to get all your wants.
So you don't have to try to climb a career ladder and lose your children and lose your marriage while you're getting your private office. Nothing wrong with using your gifts, talents, and skills until they conflict with. The priority of being a wife and being a mother; those two things come first. But look at what it says. It says, "Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, calling him Lord." In other words, she didn't just reveal respect in her behavior; she revealed respect with her mouth.
I know it's hard to say. Lord, that is a term of significance, of elevation. He's my lord. He's my lord. You know, a man'll feel that one.
That hits you in the gizzard. Lord, okay.
Now I know what some of you are saying.
Some of you are saying, "Wait a minute, that's in the Old Testament." I can hear it now. And I'm in the New Testament. Yeah, but verse six says, "But you are her children if you do likewise." Okay, so it applies to the New Testament.
Okay. Now he's talking about verbal respect. It should be respect in behavior, but respect verbally. He ought to hear it.
Okay. Now. You will get him if when you when you start when he starts seeing Lord and hearing Lord, you messing with him now. See, you messing with his head because you're meeting his need, and his need is for respect.
Okay, your need is for love. He should meet that need first. But your need, his need, is for respect.
Now watch this. When did Sarah call Abraham Lord? That's the question. She called him Lord when she was ninety years old. Abraham is a hundred.
God tells Abraham, "Your wife's gonna have a baby." Abraham laughs, cause that's a joke. He comes to Sarah and says, "You're gonna have a baby." Sarah laughs. In other words, that's not physically possible on Abraham's part. He can't do that. Plus, man, I got my issues.
I'm barren.
So I haven't conceived in ninety years, but when she called Abraham Lord, because that's when she called him Lord, when God said you have a baby at ninety, when she called Abraham Lord, God came back to her and said, "Now is anything too impossible for me?" So when she called Abraham Lord, she got a miracle. I know you're not trying to have no more babies. That's not the point. The point is, God broke into her messed up situation that had gone on for ninety years and turned that thing around when she respected Abraham.
So could you be blocking your miracle because God doesn't see you respecting your husband? God can't send an angel to your side because He knows you're going to rebel against His office and God's authority. Because when you rebel against legitimate authority, you are in essence rebelling against God. The Bible says even Michael would not bring a railing judgment against the devil because even though the devil is evil, it says the devil held an office as archangel.
So Michael. Respected his office, even though he rejected the devil.
So you know, if angels respect the devil, now your husband may be bad, but he ain't that bad. You should be visibly and verbally honoring him, not just in public but in private, not just in the church house but in your house, not just so other people can hear it, but so he can hear it and see it. And that is what God has called us to, for God to begin to work and bring about the kind of relationships that can turn things around. Dr. Evans will return with an illustration of that kind of turnaround in just a moment.
In the meantime, I want to remind you that today's lesson is part of Tony's current teaching series, The Kingdom Family. This six-part collection explores God's original design for the home and what it means to build a family around His purposes. As I mentioned earlier, you can receive all six full-length messages as our thank you gift when you make a contribution to support Dr. Evans' ministry. And for a limited time, we'll also include a copy of his One Family Under God paperback, a companion resource that can help you understand God's design for the family, making it easier to apply these principles in your own home.
Now, the sooner you make your request, the sooner we can get these resources into your hands.
So visit us today at TonyEvans.org, or let one of our team members assist you. By calling our resource center at one eight hundred eight hundred thirty two twenty two day or night, again that's Tony Evans dot o r g, or by phone at one eight hundred eight hundred three two two two.
Some singles believe that life without marriage is life without meaning. But tomorrow, Doctor Evans offers a different perspective, explaining why unmarried believers may find more purpose in pursuing a ministry instead of a mate. Right now, though, he's back with a final thought for today. You remember the story Beauty and the Beast? He was an ugly critter.
He was a beast, but he ran into a beauty, and for the first time in his life, somebody cared about him.
Somebody saw something good in him.
Somebody valued him.
Somebody honored him, and the beast turned into a prince. You may be married to a beast. But maybe he's just waiting for somebody to honor him, somebody to value him, somebody to treasure him, somebody to encourage him, somebody to believe in him, and maybe your beast will turn into a prince when you come under his legitimate authority.
