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Live from the Rich Eisen Show Studio in Los Angeles. Half court pulls up for a three. It's got one. Funny heel. Kick to the corner. Turner beats the clock and hit a three. Picked off by Westbrook.
Ah, two hands. Earlier on the show, host of Pro Football Talk, Mike Florio. ESPN NBA reporter, Dave McMenamin. Coming up, author and comedian, Carol Liefer. And now, it's Rich Eisen. All right everybody. Hour number three of the Rich Eisen Show is on the air and I have no idea why I just began this hour that way. And sure enough, somebody is literally standing in that spot right now.
Behind me. That's Leroy. Was that who that was? Yeah, that was Leroy. Is he hearing me and he just did that on purpose? Well, he kept strolling. I don't think he stopped and he waved. Oh, did he?
Yes. I laugh every time. I'm so glad, Mike.
Because I'm looking right at it. Listen, I know when I say something that makes, you know, when I complain about something, then it becomes fodder for you to make fun of it. That's what friends do to each other. That's what friends do. You know, that's what friends are for. Not to start singing. No, no, no. Don't sing.
844-204-rich number dial. Greg Popovich, needing the help of Manu Ginobili and Tim Duncan to get to the stage. Just spoke for the first time since suffering a stroke and making the announcement that he was no longer returning as coach of the San Antonio Spurs. And this is after he was helped to the stage, what Greg Popovich had to say. And I'll do everything I can to help him and help them.
But I'll have a new job and I want to make sure everybody understands what the new job is. He's unzipping a jacket. It says El Jefe on the shirt. Senor Popovich on the back. President of Basketball Ops. And he's talking about Mitch Johnson, who was then introduced as the new head coach. The interim who was serving after Popovich suffered that stroke on November 1st and then had a setback and clearly well enough to appear publicly. But you could see he definitely was no longer in condition to be a head coach in the NBA. And what a damn, damn shame that is after 29 years. An incredible run, obviously, but for it to end due to health reasons.
Oh, God, it's just some things happen in the world that make you scratch your head saying, you know, you know, karma is in the bank and it shouldn't happen to somebody. But 300 head coaching changes in the NBA since Greg Popovich became the Spurs head coach. Really? 300 of them. Talk about a record that will never be broken. 18 straight 50-win seasons. 22 consecutive playoff appearances. How about 1,422 regular season wins?
How about that? Feels like that's going to last for a long time. Well, I mean, in the number of coaches that have been fired to win championships in the last six years over the last month. Right. So good luck on having who I think Steve Kerr is currently the longest tenured head coach in the NBA right now. That seems about right.
I think he is. That seems about right. On the coaching tree of Greg Popovich.
And he's probably, what, 10 or 11 years, I'm guessing? Same with M.A. Yudoka, right? He's on the coaching tree.
For Pop, yeah. Boon Boser's on the coaching tree there. Becky Hammond's on the coaching tree there. So just seeing that was a bit jarring. And we just send obviously him our best to El Jefe, the new president of basketball operations of the San Antonio Spurs.
844-204 Rich is the number to dial. Spolstra would be the longest. Is Spolstra, he's got some coaching tenure? Since 08 and then Kerr came in 14. Okay, there you go.
Spolstra. And there's a lot of people sitting there saying that he should be the next guy to just elevate himself to the front office and let someone else coach. Like the Brad Stevens of Miami.
But, you know, that would have to be Pat Riley's desire, one would think. So, Derek and Missouri, you're here on the Rich Eisen Show. What's up, Derek?
Hey, Rick. So you and a fellas are going on The Feud. You and DP, 29 years in the making, am I right? Indeed. And Derek, before we continue, Smich has created a Derek and Missouri graphic for now when you call in. Wow.
And there you go. This is pretty neat. If you take a look at your Roku channel screen or our YouTube stream once we're done, you have reached that status, sir. And we greatly appreciate you constantly calling in, as much as you had. Well, you know, Rich, I want to take a moment and say thank you to the guys and everyone in the back, RJ and Adam and Sean making that image for me. I appreciate it.
I got the email this morning. Now it's the first thing I looked up and what I saw. And I'm deeply humbled for what you guys did. I love it. I deeply appreciate it.
We're a family here, brother. So what's on your mind? So what's more likely, Rich? Which quarterback, going into his first full-time season, has the most pressure going for him in the 2025 year?
Michael Penix or TJ McCarthy? Oh, Derek, I love a good pressure question. Because it makes diamonds, right, TJ? Yeah.
OK. That's what I heard from your end of the world. Under the most pressure. Wow. I don't know. I guess I'll choose Penix since one of them beat the other in the national championship game in a fair and square battle, according to the NCAA president, Charlie Baker. Oh, gosh.
Oh, I'm just ripping things straight from the headlines, Chris. That's a good question, because both teams... It's pretty good, but they're both pretty much under equal pressure. Both teams chose him in the same draft and both teams are moving forward with him. Come Hecker high water, I might go with Penix since, as of right now, he's got Kirk Cousins sitting right behind him. And the head coach might be willing to just say, we're going to pull back from you.
Your day will come, just not now. We need to go with the vet to win some games here. And that won't be the case for McCarthy in Minnesota with Sam Howell behind, right? Sure.
Or McCarthy has better weapons, all due respect to Drake. For sure. There's Justin Jefferson is head and shoulders, pal. Yeah.
Head and shoulders. I want to play before I let you go, Rick. So, the thing about my graphic there, that's the only time you're going to see me on a horse. Okay. And the reason I say that, because in real life, and my favorite team resembles a horse, and in real life, I'm allergic to horses. Oh, well, isn't that ironic.
You don't think I'm right. Okay, very good. So, Derek in Missouri will be, cross him off the list of filling in for Tarico. Thank you, Derek in Missouri. We send our best to Mike, who apparently appeared on the Today Show today to say he's doing fine. He just had a bad reaction to the nut allergy for a guy who is basically a war horse in our business, who does everything at the same level of Rolls Royce expertness. You know, seeing him not on NBC out of the blue, that was quite jarring. Yeah. I'm glad he's okay.
844-204-rich is the number to dial right here on the program. It is an overreaction Monday on a Monday. Hit it. That was terrible. That was crap.
That was garbage. This place sucks. Overreaction. Mondays. Monday.
On a Monday. Hey. What's up, everybody? You guys good? I'm good. Great weekend? Oh, yeah. Mike, great to see you.
Good to see you too, Brock. Remember before the draft when the cowboy came up and Jerry Jones is like, I'm working on some big things and I got some trades in the hopper. Maybe before, maybe after, he called them substantive. Actually, he's not working on anything. There are no substantive trades, like he said before the draft. Nothing is happening.
So, like negotiating tariffs? Yeah, nothing. I don't know. Nothing is coming. I'm sorry, TJ.
Nothing is happening. Let me just say this, okay? He ain't lying. No, listen. I understand how we are viewing stewardship of the Dallas Cowboys, and it does appear sometimes to be rudderless, okay?
It does, you know, especially since you get the answers that you're wondering, like, what is he saying? It's entirely possible to have a substantive trade in the works prior to the draft, or say there could be one after the draft, and it takes two to tango and somebody just says no. He said multiple.
There were multiple. I just don't know if he should have said anything. You think?
And that does lead to the impression that your topic bar is legit. But I'll just say. You think they're going to do a single trade? No, I don't think anything now is going to happen.
Nothing now will happen. But at the time of when he said what he was saying, there could have been a highly substantive trade that he felt really good about until Cleveland traded out of two to five, right? And suddenly, you know, maybe he wanted to move up for Mason Graham, and the Browns were just like, yeah, we're taking Mason Graham now.
Like, say he had a deal with Jacksonville, all substantively ready to be wrapped up, and then Jacksonville moves up. See you later. I'm just giving you an example as to what could have happened. I understand. I know you're sitting here saying there was never anything there. There was nothing. There was nothing. Respectfully, none of that happened. It's all talk.
None of that happened. I'll just push back on this just to be as fair and balanced as I possibly can. I understand. I don't want to be fair and balanced, and I got the most of the, you know. Sir, put your kendo stick away, and for the radio audience, because I'm not, that's not a metaphor.
I got to kendo stick. Just a little bit. Chris.
There's no possible way the Browns keep four quarterbacks on the week one roster. That is correct. Zero. Zero. That is not an overreaction. Zero.
That is correct. So who goes then? I don't know.
I have no answer. Again, of the four quarterbacks we see on the screen, okay? The two rookies and the guy who took the victory formation in the Super Bowl in Kenny Pickett. The one guy that's going to make the roster is Joe Flacco. That is going to happen. I'm not sure why you're so dead set on that.
Because he knows the offense, he knows the situation, and he is a guiding hand. So if you're going to end up with two rookies, you want him there. Yeah, you need the vet.
Okay? If you're going to go with the two, you know, the vet, the long in the tooth vet. And the picket. The young vet, for the lack of a better phrase, and one rookie. Flacco's going to start maybe over Pickett. If I'm Pickett, I've got my head on a swivel for the two rookies. He's not beating out Flacco.
Flacco's going to go and that's that. And I don't think there's any way they have four on the roster. Would one of them take a taxi squad assignment?
I kind of doubt it. Then what's the other option? Cut him. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you better take it. Cut him. Well, now you can go to another team, though. What else, Chris?
I don't know. You know, I'm thinking about the quarterback that we haven't talked enough about, despite him being the number one overall pick in the draft. And the more and more I like Cam Ward, I like the situation he's in. And Cam Ward's going to be the only second rookie quarterback to throw 30 touchdowns in a season. Dude, that's a lot. Justin Herbert, dude, is the other.
I hear you. I know that this winds up potentially freezing cold taking in the NFL. You can't sit here and say nothing's possible. Of course, it's possible for him to do it.
I'll just call it an overreaction. You look at last year. The guy we all fell in love with during the season, Jayden Daniels. Yeah.
24. Right. The guy who actually threw the most touchdowns last year as a rookie, Bo Nix. Cam Ward would have been ahead of Bo Nix in last year's class. Why can't Cam Ward do it?
How many? 30 is just a tall number. It's a tall order. I mean, we had 22 touchdown passes as a team last year. Yeah. Wow.
No, I think they've improved matters. Even adding Tyler Lockett to the mix is great. And then just, you know. I think Cam Ward's going to surprise a lot of people. And I hope you're right.
That's kind of what I'm getting at. I hope you're right, sir. We spent all draft weekend talking about someone else other than him.
When we should have been really celebrating and praising him. And I think he's going to really ball out. And I think that he will wear that. And I think he's going to have a chip on his shoulder for that sort of thing.
And if I'm Brian Callahan, I stoke it. You know? But right now, they're saying there's a competition. That's insane. Between him and Levis? Yeah.
Why would you use to pick the draft, Cam Ward? That's preposterous. What are we doing? That's preposterous.
What else you got? We're going to take a look at the picks here before we get going on this segment. Pacers are beating the Cavs in less than seven games. I like what I saw Sunday out of Indiana.
Everyone's been sleeping on these guys. Have you seen all the people on the old social channels in Cleveland offering their toe up, Darius Garland? Yeah. You got to do that.
I can't imagine how you could attach that toe and it'll be fine. Look, I've offered... To start playing against the Indiana Pacers. They're a tough team, man.
I've offered ACLs, hamstrings, fingers, like everything to give to my guys if that hurts. So, yeah. Neesmith and Nembhardt. You know? You know? Get that? Halliburton.
Those guys, man. Obie Toppin coming off the bench. Right? Champagne Poppin.
It just seemed at one point like the Cavs really had the game in hand and then all of a sudden... Well, Indy was up 12 and then all of a sudden they're down four and then you thought, oh, Cleveland's running away with this now. That's what I thought. Does O'Shea really think Miles Turner's coming here? Probably.
He probably does. I'm not in the game of guessing what O'Shea is. I don't think this is an overreaction. Oh.
I don't think this is an overreaction. I think certainly when you take game one on the road, now the Cavs are going to have to buckle down in a way that they really haven't had to this year. Correct? Yeah. Now Garland, maybe he's not ready for game two, but he has to play in game two now because you can't afford to go down O'Shea losing both home games. Well, let's hope for the Cavs' sake they can do it.
So, I don't think that's a... I'll just say this. It's more of an open question than the previous Cleveland subject matter of this segment.
True that. Rich, we started the show with it. We're super psyched for Warriors-Timberwolves and I think it's going to be the best playoff series the rest of the playoffs. The rest of the playoffs? Warriors-Timberwolves. I could see where you're saying that because you think the Eastern Conference Finals is going to be... You got to think like a Brockman. The Celtics are just going to steamroll the rest of the way. That's what he's saying. And then this one will be far more competitive than an Eastern Conference Finals and then an NBA Finals between the Celtics and Oklahoma City. I think you tapped into his mindset.
Right? The Knicks aren't going to put up a fight against the Celtics and then the Celtics are going to steamroll whoever comes out of the Cleveland-Indiana series because that's what the Celtics do. And then the Celtics are going to take care of everyone else that comes out of the West.
It doesn't matter, you know, how many wins Oklahoma City is going to have by that point in time. Did I get that right? Did he write that for you? Those are your words? No. I like hearing you talking about that.
As a Brockman, I'm reading between the lines of your subject matter here. I think you got Legacy Warriors now with Jimmy Butler. You got the Ant-Man who's coming for everyone. He wants to take victory laps around everyone's arena. And I think you got the Rudy Gobert situation with Draymond Green.
Spoiler alert, they do not like each other. And I think you got the recipe for a very combustible seven-game series. For him to take a Northern California arena stroll and match it to his Southern California one, it's got to be six.
Whoa, I think that's possible. Well, that doesn't make it the most impressive series. You got to go to seven for a great series.
What if every game is a one-possession game? I'll buy it. Just for you, since it will make you happy. You know what I mean? So I'm watching these hockey games. Do you have one more? I do.
Oh, I have two more. I'm watching these hockey games, right? And you see it's like a minute to go, and the other team pulls a goalie, and it gives them a chance to tie the game and send it to overtime. The NBA needs an equivalent of the empty net advantage.
Meaning what? Like, if it's a one- or two-possession game with under a minute or 30 seconds to go, they get an extra guy. They get to go six on five. You get to use it one per series or something.
Right. And then the other team, I'm just kind of- How is it with the spacing? How does it benefit so someone will be open, or- Yeah, six on five. You literally have six guys. Or you get the opportunity to tell the other team to take one off.
Yeah, take one off. So now it's five on four. But we need a situation where if it's like a six-point game with 30 seconds, usually those games are over. Whereas in hockey, if it's a one-goal game with 30 seconds left, they can get a man advantage, and they still have a chance. I understand that. But if you pull the goalie, though, that is the- you're- so you'd have to add a component to this where you can't defend your own net.
Oh, I got it. But if the other team does score, though, that's worth double to put the game out of reach. Because like, if a team gets an empty- So a two-point shot is worth four. Yeah, three-point shot's worth six. Because if you're going to empty that goal, that game's over. I like that.
You know what I mean? So we need some sort of way to offset this to make the end of games a little more interesting. And you can only use this when you're down how many possessions? Two. So it's got to be a six-point lead or worse.
Correct. And you can only do it with less than two minutes to go in a half? I mean, less than a minute, maybe, in the game? Less than a minute.
That's a tough one. I don't know. Just something fun, I'm just saying. Well, if you remember about five weeks ago, I said that NBA should have got some hockey rules and like, on the flagrant foul, you got to play five on four. I love that, too. Like, do something like that. Interesting. Okay. I like it.
I like it, guys. I'll buy it. I'll buy it. Okay. I'll buy it. I don't know. Just something fun.
Watching these hockey games, the empty netter is so exciting with the man advantage. Yeah, I'm with you. I got it. All right. Last one. And we talked about this a little bit earlier.
You kind of hinted with the judge stuff. What he's doing is incredible. There's one more. Chris has got to ask for the one more.
That's true. It's a little late, so I'm trying to go fast. One more. I did not know this. One more.
I did not know this. I love COOP. Come on. If Aaron Judge wins the Triple Crown this year, he's the best right-handed hitter of all time. Ah, man. I mean, there's some great right-handed hitters in our world, but...
I don't know, man. This dude's incredible. I'm with you. Trust me. And a 400 season Triple Crown?
Like, get out of here. Well, if it's a 400, then, I mean, you're right-handed hitter, okay? Right-handed hitter of all time. Okay.
Okay. No, not switch hitters. Not switch hitters. Not lefties.
Not lefties. Okay. I'll buy it, just because it's fun, and hearing you talk about Aaron Judge that way makes me happy. I'm a big fan. 844-204-RICH is the number to dial here on The Rich Eisen Show. The author of How to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah, Graduation, and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. Sounds like somebody that wrote for Curb and Seinfeld, just to say the least. And Carol Leeper has.
What's next on The Rich Eisen Show? Okay. This is not a drill. Get ready, because Mission Impossible, the final reckoning hits theaters May 23rd, and I'm counting down the days. This is it. The biggest practical action movie ever made. Tom Cruise and director Christopher McQuarrie are back, pushing the limits of what action cinema can do. We're talking real stunts, real danger, and real edge-of-your-seat intensity, all shot in jaw-dropping locations around the world. Did you see that trailer? Tom Cruise free-fallen through fire, Haley Atwell back in action, and the whole crew reunited.
Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg, Esai Morales. It's like the ultimate global team-up. This franchise started almost 30 years ago, and it just keeps getting better. Mission is more than a movie. It's a high-stakes ride built on loyalty, friendship, sacrifice, and seriously gutsy stunts. So yeah, I'm beyond excited to see Mission Impossible, the final reckoning on the biggest screen possible in a theater, May 23rd. This summer, the mission is clear.
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That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash E-I-S-E-N for an extra 10% off. You are the commissioner of baseball, I make you commissioner of baseball right here, right now. You are the commissioner of baseball.
What do you do? Nothing that anyone would like. Why would you say that?
Because they're not going to like my ideas. Instant replay's over. Why?
Who cares? Because if you see it at home, you need to use it, right? Why do we have a balls and strike umpire? We don't need that.
We can easily do that with GPS. Why is he there? Well, okay. Why is he there?
Why not get rid of him then? That might actually happen. You can see it happen.
That might actually happen. And then what do you have? A robot, I guess. Yeah. There's a value to charm, my friend.
There is a value to it that we sometimes ignore. Uh-huh. Okay? So, replay's gone. Out. Replay's gone.
I do kind of like replay, but we'll follow this thing. See? A designated hitter is gone. So, why?
Why? I mean- Because that's not baseball. One of the essential, one of the great principles of baseball is democracy of talent and physique. This is what makes baseball very special. Right.
Democracy of talent and physique. Everybody plays. Plays it. Okay. Everybody. Right. The school shortstop. The slugging. Left fielder. Uh-huh.
They're all, everyone's welcome. Right. It's democracy.
What do you think of just the intention to walk, like just you go to first now? No. Don't like that either. Why?
It's fine. How much time are you saving? About 10 seconds. I mean, it's 10 seconds.
We can all save. Someone texts you the letter K instead of OK. What are you doing with that time? Or thanks. You're going to add that up so you can watch an 11 minute YouTube video of a skateboarder bouncing his nuts off a railing?
Is that what we're doing? Someone's texting me T-Y instead of thank you. T-Y.
I'd like to bounce your nuts off a railing. Oh my God. All of Larry David's and Jerry Seinfeld's appearances on our YouTube channel, youtube.com slash Rich Eyes and Show over the 10 plus years of this program. Back on the Rich Eyes and Show radio network with our live Roku channel stream. I'm sitting at the Rich Eyes and Show desk furnished by Grainger with supplies and solutions for every industry. Grainger has the right product for you.
Call clickrainger.com or just stop by. And resting on the desk is the latest book right now that we're discussing on this program from our next guest, how to write a funny speech for a wedding bar mitzvah graduation in every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. The a long time writer and Emmy award winner, golden globe award winner, Carol Lee for here on the Rich Eyes. Good to see you Carol. How are you?
I'm good. It's good to see you again. Yes.
Good to see you again. Yeah. Yeah.
I know. Cause we, we met at a, I think the final um, curb premiere. Yes we did. Yeah. And that was a great night. It was a fun night. Oh my gosh, and I just, I feel like I live that show every day. You know what I mean? Like you just, you walk through life and you just run into over aggressive people and you just see like moments that you're speaking, you call it a curb moment, right?
Well, I miss it, you know, because I worked on the show, I tried everything to get Larry David to keep going. Wasn't going to happen. Wasn't going to happen. No. Kind of done, right? Yeah. That's unfortunate. But the curb moments live on.
They live on. And I keep thinking of them and telling them to him, but there's no show outlet for it. I thought of one the other day, cause I'm standing, I'm sitting, this happened about a year ago or so. I'm sitting at one of my kids' plays and the, one of the directors of the play asked parents to stand up to part, whoever parents were participating in the behind the scenes to make the play happen.
I had nothing to do with the play. I almost thought of standing up. And that sounded like a curb moment, like, like Larry getting pissed off or somebody getting pissed off that they're taking advantage of soaking in the moment.
How do you call someone out for that sort of thing? That is a very good curb moment. He always liked stories from real life that would give you an edge in your pitch. Like, for example, something we used in the show was when I had an Audi and I would take it in for service, they always had these great little cakes, these nothing bundt cakes there. So you know, the first time we were like, Hey, I have a cup of coffee, I have a bundt cake. And then I found myself, whenever I was kind of near that service center, I'd pull in and go, you know, guys, I'm hearing a ping.
There's some kind of weird kind of noise and I'd have a little bundt cake. So of course we use that. And curb Larry changed it to licorice that he really liked the licorice at this car service thing. But whenever you said something happened to me, Larry would immediately 10 points up. That raises it to the level of consideration to work their way. You work it into a script. Yes.
And usually for selfish purposes. Yeah, sure. Yeah.
That works out. Uh, you were also involved back in the day with Seinfeld, the marble rye episode, wrote the marble rye did something, which of the many instances of that episode potentially did happen to you in that, in that episode? Well, you know, when I was working on Seinfeld, everybody and their mother would come over to you and go, you know, I have a great Seinfeld idea and be like, Oh, here we go. And it always be like, you know, Betty from work keeps her egg salad in the, you know, it was horrible ideas. But a friend of mine came over and she said, you know, something happened that I thought was really funny. Um, we were having a dinner party and this couple brought a bread and I forgot to put it out. And I noticed at the end of the night they took the bread back. So that's another thing I said to Jerry and Larry, like, you know, um, this is a real life story and they loved it, so we made it into the marble rye. I was a big fan of Costco way back then. So in that story, Kramer buys giant sizes of things like beefaroni, we couldn't use the word beefaroni.
They wouldn't let us. So it became beefarino and he feeds it to his handsome cab horse who then has terrible flatulence. Yes, thanks for remembering. So your, uh, frequency of purchasing large things in Costco and then hearing secondhand a story of somebody forgetting to put out bread and it got taken back by the end of the night. Yes. Becomes an iconic episode of Seinfeld.
Becomes, yes. So all those kinds of things. I'm going to tell you, Rich, just mentioning Costco and the fact that I had Kramer say he loved Lindsay olives, that they were the top shelf. I got sent so many olives for so many years.
I cannot begin to tell you how fantastic it was. Even one of the episodes that I wrote, Elaine thinks the Korean manicurist are talking about her behind her back in Korean because that happened to me when I went to my nail shop. We used the real name of the nail shop that I used to go to in New York, Ruby nails, and they use it as the exterior. I would walk in and get free manicures for I don't know how long. So this is basically turning into how many stories of free things that I've gotten over the years.
Hey, my audio executive never wears anything he purchases in his entire life. He's like, he's a walking, a swag bag, this guy over there, kindred spirits. I love it.
Absolutely. Did you confirm that the manicurists weren't talking about you behind their back? Because if they started giving you free stuff for being mentioned, because you were concerned about being talked about behind your back, so happy that the name of the shop was in the episode.
It didn't matter if they were talking about me behind their back, which they probably were. It was a lot of laughing when I was in there. I don't think it was about my nails. So I guess it was not a spite nail shop either. Were you involved in that episode of yes, yes, of course.
Yeah, this bike store. That is so damn funny. I've got Carol Liefer here on the Rich Eyes and she'll get to your book in a second. Of the years that you did stand up as well, I think you made 25 appearances on Dave's show to say the least. The Tonight Show as well and your own specials. Anybody you opened up for in your career that is stands out for you?
Well, hold on to your hat. I opened for Frank Sinatra. Is that crazy? Francis Albert Sinatra.
Yes. In Las Vegas, was it? In Las Vegas at Bally's.
And wow, it's a funny story how I got it. I was working with an agent who promised me the moon. Cut to six months later, I'm doing stand up at ground round restaurants on the Jersey Turnpike, right?
You could not hear my jokes because the sound of the peanut shells thrown out on the floor. I kept saying to him, where's the big gigs? He kept saying, I'm working on Frank.
I'm working on and I was like, who, Frank Stallone? I mean, come on, what's happening here? And then sure enough, I was working on a cruise ship.
And you know, back in the day, if you got a phone call on a cruise ship, something major. Something's up. Yeah.
It's usually not good either. Exactly. Ship to shore.
Right. And he got me the Frank Sinatra gig. And I got to tell you to this day, it's the greatest moment of my career. What a gentleman. He would bring me back out before he would perform and introduce me.
He, he did say some cryptic things though, like when he would, you know, bring me back out. He once said, that was Carol Leifer. I wish my mother had been that funny.
I wouldn't have had to work so hard. The summer wind came rushing in and then another time he said that was Carol Leifer. She's big.
She'll knock you over for the phone. What? I don't get that.
But I'm sure everybody was laughing because it was Frank being funny. Yes, exactly. She'll knock you over for the phone. How'd all these people get in my room? Oh my gosh. At Bally's. At Bally's. Oh man.
Post, Post Sands, I guess that was the Sinatra at the Sands is the greatest of all time. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Pretty great.
Pretty great indeed. All right. So what gave you the idea of writing, how to write a funny speech for a wedding bar mitzvah graduation and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place?
Yes. I wrote this with my writing partner, Rick Mitchell, as a public service, which couldn't take it any more. What's the it? People getting up at events and giving these god awful speeches that are not only so embarrassing to the person and somebody is videoing them and it goes up on the web, but so bad that it puts a damper on the entire event. So Rick and I, he's a great comedy writer, he's won five Emmys, and we thought, it's not that hard.
We can tell people in a short and sweet way how to not only give a good speech, but incorporate some humor in there and give them some basics. Number one, five minutes and under. Okay. Because you know these people that go on and on, you're waiting for the speeches to end so you can usually eat, right?
You're getting hangry and they're going on and on and it's killing you. That's not good. No.
Five and under. That's number one. Yes.
I mean, when your phone is updated twice, something is very, very wrong. Yes. Okay. Another thing. Yes. People don't, they say their name, but they don't say who they are to the celebrant.
They get up and they just start talking and trying to figure out, did he go to school with this guy? Is this a relative? I don't know.
Is this his plumber? I mean, you just don't understand. So it becomes like an episode of Matlock instead of enjoying this person's speech. So say who you are to the person.
You don't need to hire a private detective to find this, just come out and give up the information. Yes, exactly. That's number two. And in less than five minutes. I'm just trying to weave it all together here. And the drinking. One drink. That should be good.
To loosen up a little bit. Sure. Yeah. But then people get up there and they're blotto and it's embarrassing.
It's really embarrassing for the person and for the couple if it's a wedding. So take it easy with the hooch. Take it easy. And you got a forward by Carol Burnett. Yes. How great is that? Now you've written for her, correct?
I have. Yeah. When, when was that?
For her 50th anniversary special of the show and then for her 90th birthday. Oh my God. Yeah. And she is the loveliest, sweetest person ever. I asked, you know, to ask her to write the forward that might've, you know, you feel like it might be a bridge too far. I asked her to write the forward on a Friday of Memorial Day weekend. Right. She reads it over the weekend Sunday. She says, I loved it.
I already wrote the forward. Boom. Yeah. Yeah. Cause normally you have to chase these people down.
Yes, you do. No one wants to chase down Carol Burnett and say, Hey Carol, have you done it yet? Like you don't want to do that. No. Right. Come on Carol. Let's go.
The clock is ticking. Yeah. What else you got going on? Um, so that's cool. Yeah. That's great.
Yeah. That was really great. Thrilling. And I'm getting some cool points with my oldest son for having you here.
Cause he, one of his favorite show right now, he's binging hacks right now. That's great. You know, congratulations on that as well. Thank you.
You won an Emmy from hacks. How about that? I know. I know. Right.
It's thrilling. Um, and I guess as well, um, the, um, one of the leads in hacks is Lorraine Newman's daughter. Yes. Okay. But you obviously, you wrote for SNL years after Lorraine Newman was gone, right? Yeah. I wasn't there when Lorraine was there. You were there in the mid eighties?
Yeah. So who was the cast members when you were writing for SNL at the time? It's sort of disaffectionately known as the weird year because it was the year that Lauren Michaels came back to the show and the cast was like Randy Quaid, Anthony Michael Hall, Robert Downey Jr. Uh, was kind of a strange mix of people. Pre Dana Carvey?
Pre Dana Carvey. Okay. Yeah. But I still got to, I got a lot of sketches on. It was great fun. Um, and you know, it's kind of a comedy bootcamp because you really work your hard there and um, you always have to produce.
So I'm glad that was my first writing job because kind of every show after that, it seemed sort of eaten way easier. Right. For sure.
How to write a funny speech for a wedding, Bar Mitzvah, graduation and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. Pick it up. Pick it up right now. We're all books are sold. Congratulations on this. Thanks for coming on and sharing all of the memory lane stuff here. Oh my God. What a pleasure.
Let's go to Audi, have a Bundt cake and a cup of coffee. That is so damn funny gosh, because there are, there are times when you, you know, you'll just lie to get something that you want. It's not, and it's not a lie if you believe it, you know, to use that phrase from back in the day. That's right.
Carol Liefer at Carol Liefer on Instagram. Thank you for being here. And everybody go buy the book right now and don't drink, be quick about it and say who the hell you are. Did I, did I summarize that all up? You got it all.
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That's OReillyAuto.com slash Eisen. We had Jerry on the show just a couple of weeks ago, Larry, and I asked him, how come Steinbrenner himself never appeared on Seinfeld? And he said, Steinbrenner shot a scene, but it was so bad you cut it. Is that a true story?
True story, yeah. What was so bad about it? We brought him out, I think for the last show of the 95 season, I'm not quite sure when it was, but he flew out on his private jet to do the show and flew back that day. And okay, he did it. And then I go into editing and I'm watching the show and oh my God, he was so awful. He was so bad. It was, you couldn't use it. It was much better from behind with my voice, you know, than actually seeing the real guy doing it.
Right. So that was a scene where he was with Costanza? He was with Elaine in a restaurant, I think. And I had to call him up and tell him he was cut.
How did that go? I called Yankee Stadium. I said, I want to talk to Mr. Steinbrenner, it's Larry David, he got on the phone. I said, Mr. Steinbrenner, it's Larry David calling from the Seinfeld show. Yes, yes, Larry.
What is it? I said, I'm sorry to tell you this. He said, come on, you can tell me I'm a big boy. I can take it. You know? While you slip back back in that voice, it's like riding a bike. Yeah, right. I slipped right back in.
Right. And I said, I'm seeing I've been cut from the show. And I said, it's not your fault, but it's just the end of the scene wasn't working. And that was it. How did he take it? He was a big boy. He took it well. So he told you how he was going to take it and he actually took it well.
And he actually took it, yeah. George Steinbrenner in Elaine. I would never have guessed. I would have thought that there would have to have been a Costanza-George moment. I know there was an Elaine scene. I don't know.
There may have been a George scene. I'm not sure. I don't remember. How did you enjoy playing Steinbrenner? Did you have a blast doing that? Oh yeah, it was fun.
Yeah. What's your favorite one when you were Steinbrenner? What was it?
I think probably something. I remember the Calzones. That George had to get the Calzones. Yeah, the Calzones.
Yeah. That's as great as it gets, man. Dan Carroll-Liefer was on the credits of the Calzone episode as well.
The Calzone from Paisanos. Oh my gosh. I did see, it did appear on one of my timelines recently, the scene with George and Elaine. And it was bad. I did see it. There is a, like somebody popped it out there. Have you seen it? Oh, was Steinbrenner?
The actual George and Steinbrenner III and Elaine. And it was not funny. Like Cutting Room 4 or something? The one that he said that I cut. How did it get out?
I don't know. It showed up. I should have bookmarked it or sent it to the group.
Shared that. I think it exists. It's out there. I saw it.
And he was terrible, huh? Yeah. Yeah. You know?
Yeah. I'm a big boy. I can take it. I'm a big boy. You know?
I'm a big boy. Speaking of needing to take it, did the Mets get swept by the Cardinals in the doubleheader yesterday? They did.
They did. The Yankees have lost two series in a row and the Red Sox just lost Cassis, right? For the year? Yeah.
Torin Patel attended. Very awful play when he was running to first base and trying to leg one out. And really bad news. Yankees having trouble scoring and getting pitching other than from Max Fried.
And in come the San Diego Padres tonight. Yeah. That's gonna be fun.
I mean, fun is one way to put it. I was gonna say. Your sister regifted your mom a blender for Mother's Day last year. Your brother sent her massive air quotes here.
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That's A-U-R-A frames.com. Promo code of Rich. Support the station by mentioning us at checkout to boot. Terms and conditions apply. Andrew in Denver, Colorado wants to chime in here. What's up, Andrew? Not too much, Rich. How you doing? I'm doing well.
What's on your mind? Yeah, I just wanted to chat in real quick on a NBA proposal rule that I had. Okay. So, at the end of the games, a lot of times when a team is down three points, you'll tend to see the defense then fall to send that team to the line for two shots. Correct. Really kind of eliminating them from being able to tie it back up.
Okay. So, my thought was if a team does that, to then have the offensive team shooting essentially have a flip-flop on the rebounding position. So you're up by three points, utilize your basketball God-given right to foul somebody and send them to the free throw line, and you should be penalized by having worse rebounding position despite being up by three, which is their fault by being up. You see what I'm saying, Andrew? It sounds punitive to the team that's actually winning, and you're now tilting the playing field to the team that's losing.
Right? Correct. But, I don't know, in my opinion, I feel like it's kind of a cheap way to just ensure your victory at the end of the game.
So, rather than allowing the foul just to create two shots, which kind of eliminates that team from coming back, that's a way of either forcing them to not do it, just play defense, or if they do, kind of flip-flop that defensive position there on the free throw line. All right, Andrew. Listen, Andrew, are you a Nuggets fan, Andrew? I'm actually not. I'm unfortunately, this year, a Miami Heat fan. Okay.
Everybody. Watch the Nuggets as they play. All right. I appreciate it.
That's Andrew in Denver. You know, I'm always up for tinkering with the rule book, but I'm not into that one. I like your idea of allowing somebody who's down by two or more possessions, which is six or more points, after a certain amount of time, is allowed to add one player to their team or force the other team to take somebody off the court, but if the other team scores, it's worth double the points to them. That's very confusing. No, no, it's not.
It's like the empty net goal. I'm down six. Yeah. There's less than 90 seconds to go. Let's do that.
Sure. I can say I'm bringing a sixth man off the bench, and it's now six on five. But if the other team scores against me, it's worth double for them. So you have an opportunity to score rather than the other team. But if the other team scores game over, it's game over. I would like it better instead of a sixth man, because now you're the spacing may not work. You have to tell the other team you're taking someone off the court. It's up to them, though, who they take off, because if I'm the Lakers, like say in the last game, Rudy Gobert, you're off the court, because we can't get a shot off, and you keep jamming it right in our faces. But if they come down and score, boom, that's a four point play or maybe a six point shot, game's over. You don't like that, TJ? I don't know. I think I've just...
It's kind of rocking jockey, but it's just a little something maybe. The NHL has an empty net situation where they can take the goalie off the ice, obviously, but you're giving up that goal and then it makes it 4-2, game's over. Like I said, I feel I was just so deep into my own thing where I was like a flagrant foul or something means you lose a guy. No, a flagrant foul means you have to now play five on four for a man.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, like take the guy off. Like there's a power play for the other team, because the foul is so flagrant that you must put, say, let's just use Draymond Green, for example. He's got to sit in the... Do we create an actual penalty box where that person must sit? How about they must sit in a corner? You put them in a corner. Put them at the end of the bench? No, no, no, no.
Not on their own bench. They must sit separate from their team in a corner on a folding chair that is brought out by somebody in like a gimp mask. You had me and now you've lost me. Bring out the gimp. Bring out the gimp. Sit them in a folding chair in the corner by themselves, shame, or somebody rings the shame bell.
The shame bell. I do like the flagrant five on four idea too. For a minute. I like both. Why not? I like both.
Switching up some, because there's a lot of math, but this is easy. You commit a dumb flagrant, you just go sit. Now we got to get Adam Silver on the show. You can make that happen.
Ask him if it's two cents. I bet you Susie knows him. Can confirm.
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That matters. We talk about that. The baseball's back and it's going to be incredible. I love it. The Mayor's Office with Sean Casey from Believe. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.
