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Resisting Difficult Conversations; click here to listen

The Masculine Journey / Sam Main
The Truth Network Radio
May 30, 2015 12:30 pm

Resisting Difficult Conversations; click here to listen

The Masculine Journey / Sam Main

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Sam Main
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Many struggling with conversation just don't.

You don't really want to go there to do something about it.

I just don't feel comfortable with you. Okay, we left it last for just a few seconds and by remained silent.

I choose not to participate. I know that is to the topic that were talking about is what keeps us from entering into some difficult conversations as conversations that you don't really want to have it and how do we enter into them. What's the correct way to do it now is a conversations a lot of times God laying on your heart that you need to go have and it could be with a spouse or could be with child, a sibling or coworker any of those kind of things a friend with those conversations that come up in life and make it really, really difficult to want to go have and as a whole are the reasons why there difficult and an Dennis the Menace or a teal that went. What's a couple reasons that people are resistant to have a conversation they know they really need to have and sometimes England's God's prompting them to have. Well, this is a masculine journey so I can talk about men in particular some things that I found out maybe were not supposed to talk. We don't feel like were supposed to talk sometimes because that's more about female thing to do with it fits in our group or not, but certainly I know some in there like that we fill out master that we cannot win so we just don't want to go there because were angry and rather than losing our tempers are having problems with her manners.

We choose not to have the discussion at all. When arguing with you can be painful for both of us in our history is driving us. We know in the past we talked about this earlier. We know in the past that maybe things haven't gone so well only have those conversations and not throw into that one in particular for me is fear and anxiety over having those tough conversations.

I hope I'm not the only man that experiences that but I have a feeling I'm not that there's some in that listening listening that have that same issue that we just try to avoid those conversations, like the plague. Sometimes, quite honestly, I think that your play with a few men and admitted his think that we all have it from time to time. Not all many of us different amounts on the show out now will enter into any conversation regardless of you know that the timing when he really needs to enter and because he feels really pressed to do it and so we we realize now there's a condition that Al has rubbed you what technician was premature conversation with her, Satan is out of here the radio to defend themselves. It's all fair with it when you're here not on the air.

Sometimes his fears are fears it's founded in the patter grounded in the past you know I can so stepped out before and it didn't work out well and sometimes the fear of rejection. I don't know what that outcome is going to be so I don't know that I want to enter into it and what are some of the other reasons a big guys have a hard time entering into some of these conversation all shame and guilt, which in itself is a way of is a sort of a pride thing and and I love the classic situation at least you know that husband and wife decide that there both documents. Amy ought not to be the first person to say anything know I miss Michael every day that I'm not the one that's gonna break the ice here… We got silence gone out of state that happened in my house growing up so you got shame and he got pride in both those could easily fit into the Robbie repertoire of things I've been guilty of no about you and unfortunately in some situations and were not really referring to these but they're afraid of an abusive situation right and so there they're afraid Internet conversation because there really fearful of the commencement retirement putting your life in danger, but more just those things God saying hey you need to go do this now you just know in your heart you should go do it that if it's something that's is Kenny eating at you to do well when you speak about God being involved something that Robbie just said strikes me is that we can be so quick to to project the outcomes. Like all think about having a conversation. I'm I'm already projecting five different outcomes that could take place without even involving God in being in control of the entire thing so it's like I've already got it figured out that this is how this could go and I think that's pretty typical for us to do at times would like to like and plan out what happened and have it counter plan was my plan B figures in this direction than those types of things in. So sometimes a slick got deleted right.

So now we talked about some things. In theory and theories always easy. Not risky. So, in practice guys with what's a couple stories, it can become your heart of times that you've been called to have a conversation. You really didn't want to have an interest. Some of the little details around that many got something for you. One of the hardest things that I had to face was when my last son was born he was born premature and six month and Dr. told us that he will live, but I wouldn't tell that my wife Liz and bedroom. I'm in the hospital and about the seventh day I get a call from Dr. John Benson died. Now I have to go tell my wife no, I actually went into the cafeteria and stayed there for about four hours trying to figure out how I could put without being hurt. I wasn't thinking about me anymore. I was thinking about her and my sister came in. She told me you want me to do it. I said no and but anyway, after about 56 cups of coffee.

I went up there and she was beaming my life beaming because she gave me another son. Well, that even made it worse stay in their now with the Lego was already but I wasn't ready now.

But I did tell now will never forget the look on her face. She took the blame. She took the blame. It's not helpful.

Gunderson says it's me I'm too old and she was stating three that's one of them. Times when you walk away a couple of days you just don't know where you're at. I just put myself. I do this a lot. I put myself in the bed and I just wait for everything to blow over and most of the times my life which is been long, it's worked for me.

I just let God handle it he handle that one. But I think of him every day. I even think, believe it or not, you know, when I go to heaven but he's gonna look like a be 53 now.

I can't wait to see you as I can't wait to see my wife but that's a story that was very, very, very difficult, thinking, and noticed it was easy today in another nine years ago.

Now it's not easy just brings everything back. Sometimes it's better to be forgotten, but you don't forget things like that. Now, he's impossible if I'm set out there is a man I definitely going man I can relate of not wanting to have that conversation and there are some of those you look at it. Everybody can look at and say man. I really get that again. How would never want to be there but there's others that we individually carry things it in a really really difficult for us that others may not understand right or others are not willing to admit and so I could start you guys, because on the one behind the microphone right now that it is early stories, it can come up for you that you think about when I just really didn't enter into this conversation while I have a situation several years ago actually was about 12 years ago when I went into treatment for alcoholism and I went in a program where I was in there for two and half weeks. It was the first time, not not the last that have had to seek treatment for that and my daughter was about 10, 11 years old at the time and we had to do it. We moved very quickly and there really wasn't a whole lot of time to explain to Taylor what was going on and I was there for about five days and I knew that her mom is going to bring her for visit and she she brought around and Taylor actually initiated the conversation we walked off and we were talking for a while and she said daddy what's going on because she didn't think that I drank because at hidden it and I had to explain to her what was going on in had to tell her that I hadn't always been honest about about some things that were happening in my life.

It is a real tough conversation because those of you who did you guys know how close my daughter and I are to have to have that conversation and explained to her that I had fallen in this something that I was having to deal with. That was the last thing that I wanted to tell her but I was in a place where I talked about being fearful had to do it. You had to explain to her what was happening on and I think we grew from that, but it certainly wasn't easy at the time and be able to get the clip going to get in before break, but we were in play two clips when actually come back after the break with the clip that you can find very very funny for mobile is Raymond you were and continue going into the break with a couple of stories and in sororities raining on your heart, you have the one sure I can. I can sure story. I again this will make text with break but that's okay I probably about two years ago was reading a book and it came across his tremendous description of intimacy with God and as I was looking at this intimacy with God. I was all of a sudden just thought wow yeah I can. I can feel that I can sense that. But all if I can have that intimacy with my wife and I started to pray God is there some way that you could bring me that intimacy month when my wife because I just don't really feel like she knows or that right don't have that kind of feeling like we are where we need to be in a course it was all her fault that can be mediated to be herded out and know that led to a time where there was some healing that needed to come for me on the subject as we know that Christ is coming back to that story after the clip is really continue. Talk about these difficult conversations, not just what you do before hand how do you enter into and how do you let God lead you battle buddies and I attended the HL stadium series against the state. We had the time of our lives that ticks we can't thank you enough every empty seat of the concert became her play is a missed opportunity to say thanks to a veteran and service member special is that you can make a difference in a veterans life Wayne Johnson hear the earthquakes you see in movies are one thing about real life is a completely different animal. Just because you can't predict an earthquake doesn't mean that you can't care for one. In the event of a real earthquake should drop, cover and hold office visit practice what to do to keep you and your family safe in the event of a real or seen as a hero by the family and the Council payment to me. See what I have all the all the thumbs down on the bumper visa music was really good news is like a pencil. My I tell you how that came about Sam as I just I just thought about the main have household and I figure that whenever you had to have a talk with Heidi that you just walked up and started singing. That's over. I want to have a talk with you close it's close.

I'm sorry I don't have that usually works when we are you back in the story Robbie in the clip and is talking about is things are pretty heavy. These conversations are heavy, but sometimes they're not always as heavy as we think they're going to be and so we going to this clip, you said that situation when you know you love your brother and he's been trying to find the right girl for years and all the sudden you think this could be the wine and then you see here in a fly goes downhill from there. What Kaiser early, but I'm getting this feeling.

I don't know for sure when email line will be fine really is the point might as well get it out. She's not one something that I have to tell you, because you have to know because I saw the fly fly was flying around and Angela killed it fell on the table. She put a napkin and then she is seeing something as that would be a difficult laugh at it because it's funny that were not in the shoes a little bit that's that's the conversation if you watch that you have to well, but it had to pick up on my story is before went to the break we talked about. I want to have this intimacy with my wife and I clearly felt it was all hurtful and then actually is. As a result of doing messenger the radio show about two years ago in an Sam came in one day and talked about a situation that he'd gone through this counselor and got some healing on and through my listening to Sam story I realize well owner forgot I could talk about that kind of thing.

And when we did, God brought something to my attention that I had a problem with Lost and that he really wanted to walk through that with me and as I traveled back to my childhood.

He began to bring this phenomenal healing and that what I call my innocence garden and I felt like wow I was really getting some some healing from the Lord and and forgiveness and I have this new freedom, but in the order to walk into it completely. I needed to share with my wife and that was not a conversation that I felt like would go well you know I was projecting all those outcomes and sent her being hurt and all this, how can I tell my wife that I'd really struggled with lust all these this really really difficult. Well, God just so that we are going on a marriage retreat that Valentine's Day so it was like within a week and 1/2 of me having this healing. Here I am at this marriage retreat and the last day of the last thing you know they say well now. Is there anything that you really need to come clean with your mate. You know this is going be a good time for you to avocado salad time and then going to have that discussion with your wife. So there I am almost like you know everybody's love right out like here I am, it's clear that this is time to have this conversation that God is set this up. She's had a chance to talk with God and now I've got to confront and find myself in that situation and I have to tell you it was by far and away one of the most difficult conversations I could imagine having and I had to watch how that hurt my wife. I had to see the tears I had experience. You know what it was for her to see the real Robbie and and and what I my struggles were in to take off the mask so to speak. After 20 some years was 30, but then something marvelous. She forgave me and it hurt like it was phenomenally painful but in that forgiveness.

I got the answer to the prayer that I asked for some time ago to have my wife actually know me and have innocent intimacy with my wife as she now knew the real me is broken as I am, and she loved me in spite of my flaws and as Stacy Eldridge puts in her book, you will becoming myself there's a part of a man that doesn't become shalom. It doesn't become all that he can be until he has the forgiveness of of a woman that knows what he really is and still loves and my wife provide something for me that you know on the other side of that conversation was a healing in my soul that was just beyond anything I could've dreamed and what that does. It takes away the enemy's ability to say if they only knew. And that's really worries God as is a member years back got been leading me to talk to Heidi about some things just lots of things in my life that you can see the show down he buried and he just made a very uncomfortable for me to really have to bring all those things the surface and when I did, and she listened and she listened and loved. And then she listen without judgment. There is so much freedom on the backside of that which allowed to feel real intimacy is before that there was always that barrier. There are, and sometimes is difficult conversations are with your spouses, but sometimes it's worth a child get a clipper quickening will come to wrap up after the end of this on on how you enter into this is from the last Rocky movie and in this right what happened right before this rocky son has just been whaling on him. Not physically but verbally with the same time hitting everything in my life that's happening that is your fault that your family causes me all this hardship. Rocky loves his son more than just about anything, only to listen to how he responds because he has to believe this, we used to sit right here, the city of mother. This kid is going be the best Kindle. This can still be somebody better than anybody Avenue you will be including one full waitress watch every day was like a privilege time come for you to be-year-old man take on the world. You did what someone along the line you changed. Stop being you let people stick a finger in your face and tell you no good things got hard, looking for something to blame every shadow tell you something you already know all sunshine and rainbows is a very mean and nasty place and you will reach you to your knees and keep you really feel that it you nobody is going to hit his heart his life, but made about how hard you hit about how hard you been a key which could take know if you know it's not pointing finger save anybody know that will love you no matter what level it up. It was the best thing in my life to you stop believing yourself that you realize that Rocky has to step into a risk point these difficult conversations. Part of what makes them difficult is the uncertainty of the outcome.

There's a risk point.

I don't know where that's going and he could've lost a son forever you know, our spouses may not admit his understanding those kinds of things.

But if you don't step out and risk which God's going to call you to that place a risk never to get on the other side of you and I guess what I'm what I kinda heard in both your guys stories and that is that to be at that point, there has to be a trust in God as to how this is gonna come out there has to be an obedience to there's an obedience in your story Robbie that when you and I were having that conversation any put you to that that you had to follow through on and that's not easy you know it's not easy for me even say that because I struggle with that so much that we have to trust and we have to trust in the Lord and what those outcomes are going to be in you here him saying that in the United this some hard things to say to your son there and so how do you start to enter in some of this you walk with God, but I think first, not first as well as that you need to be able to look at the mere circuit. What's my motives here for wanting to have a conversations. His anger is a revenge or what's my motivation for not having the conversation is a fear in those types of things and then give those things to God and let him lead you through it since speaking the truth in love, but really looking at it from a standpoint of protecting my brother, my wife a lot of times from I see this between your relationship with God in you, and how can I get in there and help you because what Rocky does so well in that clip piping is he calls into a place higher your better than that. This is who you are. I know you you you you exceeded what you think you will absolutely, absolutely. And that was a still risk all big time because it's it's open to interpretation. So when you're out there and you need to have these conversations been taken in and in the next conversation you need to have you don't have what you do with that different on for about a year same thing. You go to God and ask this is over my head about my favorite is you I think you would talk and hear the show a few times, but we own. Above all else, obedience, and that's what God help me with difficult conversations I needed to have Liz I need you to be obedient and all in the outcome. You know that's we have to trust in him, things listen, my find out more about us things

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