Neglect, Marginalization, Orphan Spirit

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This is the Truth Network. your band of brothers who will serve as the guides in what we call The Masculine Journey. The Masculine Journey starts here now. Darrell Bock Well, welcome to The Masculine Journey and our host with the most has unfortunately been out in the sun too much today, so he is baked. He's baked. That's I like this. Would you call it half-baked? Yeah, half-baked. But we have a super topic.

You know, I don't know of a single man that doesn't deal with this issue. As we're talking about the tools of the devil, you know, the things he uses in his toolbox, and I know he uses this on men so substantially, but to get us to where we are, you know, Rodney, where have we been? Well, let's rewind a little bit and go back to week one. Before we had the Father's Day show last week, we were on our pillar series that we always talk about. And with Tools of the Enemy, we started off with the unforgiveness, and then we moved into agreements, which was about vows and bitter roots. Then we got into some busyness and forgot all about what we were actually talking about about that time, because then we got into condemnation and couldn't remember what the heck we were talking about. Then we took a week off and did Father's Day, which was wonderful.

I really enjoyed that. And then we're now getting into neglect and marginalization, which kind of leads to the orphan spirit, right? And that sense of, if this is going to happen, it's up to me, right? I'm on my own. Nobody's here to help me.

I'm all alone. And so, Andy, your clip does that oh, too well, doesn't it? Yeah. This clip is from a movie I used to watch with my daughter years ago and didn't really get the full idea of it, but this is a really dramatic clip, a really, I don't know, emotional clip. But what's happening, it's called The War, Kevin Costner's in it and Elijah Wood, I can't remember the character's names, but what's essentially happened is the fathers went off to war.

He's came back. He has PTSD. He's trying to become the father and the husband that he's supposed to be, struggled with that.

He's had some victory and helped the family out. But then, but then he dies and this is his son's response to his death. Your daddy just died.

No, no, it wasn't painful. His heart just quit pumping. But he's going to be okay.

He cannot die. He's on machines. So they took him off. Well, tell them to put him back on.

Call them. Honey, why did they take him off, Ma? Because it cost too much?

No. Do you understand, don't you? I understand that everybody just give up on him. Don't you know nothing could have kept your father away from you, given he had a choice. I bet he's up there right now in heaven looking down on us. He's going to be able to look out for us the rest of our lives.

Yeah. Well, I sure he does a better job than when he was alive. Don't say that, Stu. Why not? You thought he was a deadbeat.

I never said that. Well, I know he could have been an angel. Maybe he's looking down on us now. Maybe he died in that war and got sent back for one last visit.

For what? To get our hopes up? To promise us they'd stay forever? And we scared to have a big house with a tire swing and a vanity and a picket fence and then just leave again?

What kind of loused-up angel is that? He didn't mean to leave. I think God just took him on home.

We're in his home, Ma. The stupid Lord can have him later. Why does God take everything, Ma?

Bad enough for a house and all our things. Why do you have to take my daddy? What did I do so wrong that he'd have to take my daddy? Oh, no.

You didn't do nothing. He could have took anybody. Charles Manson, super old people.

I would have been around a hundred years. My dad was only 34 years old. I needed him more than you got. I needed him more! I want him back, Ma.

We all do. Man, you just hear the anguish in that kid's voice. And, you know, there's a lot of people that live that way that have had that, you know, presence of a father taken from them at a young age from various different reasons, broken home, death, whatever it may be. And, you know, I think really I saw two of the aspects, maybe not marginalization, that's other parts of the movie, but you definitely see neglect, where the father didn't come back and do all that the kid, you know, thought he should. But then also him passing and feeling like his father passing. And then the child feeling like he truly is an orphan. And he struggled with that. The movie goes on and it tells how he's kind of trying to figure things out in his community and fighting these mean kids off and various stuff.

But, you know, you could see where the kid in that movie goes and takes control of his life. I don't need anyone else. I'm going to do this thing on my own. And that's the way so many men live is an independent spirit. That's exactly where the enemy wants you to be. That is a true tool to feel like you're isolated.

It's all up to you. And if I don't come through, it's not going to happen, which sounds good. We've promoted that idea in society a lot of times. It sounds great, but really what it does is it eats at your heart.

It takes away from it because we were not meant to live this life without a father intimately involved in our life. Darrell Bock Which sets up, you know, you couldn't even if you worked at it, you couldn't set up Rodney's clip better than that. But go ahead, Rodney, you got. Rodney Jones Yeah.

And just add in their community. Yeah. You know, that's what we're meant to be. So if you are a child that has a background like you just heard in that clip and what you end up turning into as Lone Wolf McQuade, you end up with being a man who's like, no, I can do it all on my own. I live on my own.

I live away from everybody else. And in this clip, you have the sergeant finally trying to assign him a partner because he's been by himself this whole time. He injured himself. He's kind of working back into, you know, fighting shape because it is Chuck Norris. So you've got the young buck being partnered with him, shows up stupidly at his house. And, you know, lets himself in. And next thing you hear is you'll hear the 45 cock on him, you know, being pulled on him.

You know, just letting him know, hey, I'm here because I'm your partner. And he's like, Chuck Norris is having none of that. Chuck Norris Ranger. What are you doing here?

Chuck Norris I, I came to wake you up. I'm your new partner. Remember? Kid, get out of here and forget that partner crap.

But captain Tyler, help Tyler to shove it. Father. Yeah.

So you can hear the partner just tearing off, getting out of there. And that was his uh, Wolf. That was lone Wolf McQuaid's pet Wolf growling at him. So, I mean, he's, he's definitely a loner.

You don't get many friends around when you have a Wolf gardener outside. Chuck Norris Yeah. And I have so many movies Rambo, you know, you just think of all of the, the ones that, you know, essentially lone ranger. I mean, you know, Claire back in the 50s or the 40s, when, when that came out, you know, the whole idea is, you know, we can man up and, and do this stuff. And it's, um, it, it, it's, it's a shame.

It's almost glorified because it really is a heartbreak position of, of being alone, which is in no way means or whatever is supposed to happen, right? Jim, you got something? Chuck Norris Yeah. The, uh, I identify with it because way back last millennium, when I was in school, rugged individualism was what built America. That was what we were taught in school. I don't know what they're teaching now, but I'm pretty sure that ain't it.

Darrell Bock Right. And it's an interesting balance to, you've got what it takes, right? That's something we need from our fathers. But here we're going to prove what it, we have what it takes, you know, isolated, you know, out of community. And obviously, you know, Satan loves to slip that.

Chuck Norris Yeah. You just think about Gospels, New Testament, Jesus started healing and all that stuff. And he didn't bother to call the 12 disciples. He didn't need those guys.

They were knuckleheads. He came to teach him something, but he had taught him. He wanted friends. He wanted community. He wanted to share in the experience.

And that a lot of times we forget the need for that. Darrell Bock And Peter almost went, right, rogue on him. Like, went that direction where he was all on his own. And then, you know, that little boy was wishing that Harold be dead. I didn't understand that, you know, super old people. Did you resemble that remark, Harold?

Chuck Norris It's amazing how young 80 can be. It's one of the things that has intrigued me is, is the way that God has created our minds. We can think back on little tiny details from when we were very young.

And then there are things that happened last week that we can't remember. So our minds are funny things, but God made us that way. And I think it's important. There are two things that I think impact how we relate to other people. And one of my favorite sayings is, which is worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know.

And I don't care. And I think that influences how a lot of times kids are brought up. The parents are ignorant of how they ought to bring them up.

And they're apathetic because they're so wrapped up in themselves that they don't realize what they're doing to the children. Darrell Bock But you had this, I mean, you know, and I know the stories of the men here that your particular story was not unlike, you know, that that movie War where your dad was kind of taken out of the picture for some unknown reason, and didn't really seem to qualify as a dad. And that led to that whole thing with you, right?

Jay Smith Well, there were a lot of factors involved. Yeah, my dad had a problem with alcohol. And during my first five or six years, he was rarely around. He was off working.

And when he would come in for the weekend, he'd be drunk by the time he got there. So there was a lot of resentment and anger on my part. Later on, he had a statement that he made to me many times, and I didn't really fully realize the intent of it until I was much older. But he told me, Son, get yourself an education, so you don't have to work like I do.

Because he was mainly working installing gas pipeline stuff, and it didn't matter how hot it was, or how cold it was, he had to be out there in it, doing his job. And it struck me many years later that, you know, he didn't, he didn't tell me, you know, that I needed to go to school or whatever, it was get yourself. And so that instilled in me that attitude of, well, it's all up to me. And so I did it. And, you know, it, to me, it turned out good in that respect, but it did isolate me to a certain extent.

Yeah, it's an interesting choice of words that, of course, Satan kind of twisted that so that it had the bite of yourself, really, where your father was sharing that love. Well, we're going to be back with more on this idea of the orphan spirit and marginalization. Remember, we got an entrenchment coming up. We got to talk about that when we come back. One of the things that's been a true joy to me is having my sons go with me to boot camps and watching them get an understanding that I wished I would have had at their age. It took me several years, and I'm still probably learning it a little bit as we go, but watching them get a good foothold into manhood and understanding what's important, what their role is, and how to stay away from the enemy to receive healing and restoration in the way that you love on others.

Register today at masculinejourney.org. One of my favorite things about boot camp, well, the favorite thing about boot camp, is every time I go, I encounter God. And as anyone that has encountered God knows, generally speaking, it's nothing we expect. Real encounter with God out of the blue. He knew what I needed. I knew what I wanted.

And those two were rarely the same thing. Darrell Bock Register today at masculinejourney.org. And I know, Andy, that you picked that bump for a very wonderful reason on a lot of levels, but Andy's just come back from an adventure with his family. And the fascinating thing about that clip is it speaks to your heart in a great way about your father, but it was actually Satan twisted that clip to make him feel like he was on his own.

Andy King Yeah. So dad grew up to where his father left him in an early age, much earlier than he left mine, and was raised with an alcoholic grandfather. And I think probably he had a lot of that. It kind of transferred to my brother. My brother actually played that for me one time, speaking of where he felt like my father had neglected him. Darrell Bock This was your older brother. Andy King This is my older brother, yeah.

And you know, those things are, I think there are twists. I saw dad as having invested in him. Now, it wasn't like me.

I like sports. My dad liked that and gave me attention that way. But I think my brother kind of felt like that he was neglected. But I think some of it is the enemy twists that. There's a reality. The enemy take a certain amount of truth and then twist it, or a perception.

Maybe it's not the truth, but a perception, perceived truth, and twist it and it can really affect things. But, you know, I think there's been some healing on my brother and seeing those things from dad. But that song is powerful.

There are so many people that go to that song when you talk about neglect or an orphan spirit that they go to catch in the cradle. Darrell Bock And I think it's more than cool that your brother would share that, right? That he would go to that place where, you know, oh my goodness, you know, that's an intimate, you know, revelation to some extent. So Danny, how about in your life? When did you say that it was up to you? Andy King I can never remember not thinking it was up to me. Darrell Bock Really?

Andy King Yeah. That's interesting because I was thinking about, my son and my wife gave me a sword for Father's Day. But, you know, our attributes are like double-edged swords. There is that God-given part of independence and that do-it-yourself kind of thing that is God-given. But the enemy twists it to be, well, I've got to do it because there's nobody around to help me. And I can remember being, I think they call it a strong-willed child. You know, if mom were still here, she'd say amen. And, but, and my, as in my daughter. But the thing is, is that I, the enemy twisted that to be, nobody's going to help you.

They pick on you and even God picks on you. So you're going to have to learn to do it yourself. And that added to that orphan spirit that, you know, because it had good parents, had a good home life. But yet there was something in this makeup that said, nobody's going to help you. And, you know, you're, you're, you're the lone wolf. You're marginalized.

So you just got to figure this out on your own. And that has caused me much grief in my life. But it also has those, I'm going to say it, Robby, there is some Prago sauce in there. You know what I mean?

There he is. And because there has to be something about that, that God put there that, that I need at times, but to, you can't use it by yourself. That's, that's the key is you were made for community. We're wired that way. And when you take it to the lone wolf mentality, I think that's where we get in trouble.

That's where I do. I don't know about y'all. Y'all are good, decent folks. Y'all just trying to help me out.

David, how about you? When, when, when your life, what happened where you thought, well, I guess I'm on this, I got to handle it myself. You know, so like we were talking about the enemy uses that and twist it around to really just you know, turn it to where we're by ourselves and, and nobody likes you and everybody hates you. It happens, you know, throughout life, all the time, especially as men, you know, I was just at a men's group not too long ago where I was telling a story and immediately he hit with that. Like, nobody cares what you're saying.

Nobody wants to listen to that. For me, it really changed when I kept neglecting it. And I was like, kept neglecting my faith and, and, and God speaking to me finally, when God stepped in and said, you're not going to neglect that anymore. And basically put, you know, another human being that she's been my daughter my whole life, both of my kids are, have been, but neither one of them have lived with me since, you know, they were barely walking. So when he put Ashlyn back into my life and I had to, somebody else to take care of, I mean, she really basically broke down that wall of where it wasn't, I mean, I wasn't by myself. I mean, now I had to take care of her too.

And even though he still comes into tax and it's like, you know, you're by yourself on this too, nobody's coming to help you. And, you know, I have my band of brothers here. You know, my family's there for me, my wife's there for me. So really, really that's where it started opening up the door for me on that. That's, that's an awesome insight.

It really, really is. I hadn't put that angle to it of, of our actual families. Well, Jim, you got a clip, man. Um, I got to save for a lot of clips for this one.

This one, I think is going to grab you, but I'll let you set it up, Jim. Well, like often happens, I was trying very hard to find a clip for hours and failed. And, uh, I just started looking up words and that didn't help much, but I finally landed on abandoned, which goes along with this and found a short clip, but I only think it's six minutes. That's a movie you can get on YouTube called abandoned.

So it's easy to remember. And this is a daughter that, uh, has lost her mom. She's very close to her dad. And then they found out she has cancer and she loses her eyesight and, uh, her father abandons her. And that's where we jump into this other things afterwards, but you go for it. He abandons her because he feels like it will strengthen her, but you'll hear at the end of the clip, I think it's important to note he he's been with her.

He's been moving the toothpaste in a, you know, where it would be easy for her to get he's been there, but she's a runner and she wants to run and that's the deal. And then when they were running together before all of this happens, right? And so at the end, at the end, you're going to hear him say, I, you know, I've got you. And she was fixed to run off a cliff, but all of a sudden he reaches out and grabs her.

And then you get to hear what's coming. I thought he would always be there for me. I guess I was wrong. You abandoned me. Where are you dad?

Where did you go? Do you not love me anymore? Am I still beautiful? Are you no longer proud of me? How could you leave me when I need you the most?

Dad, why did you leave me? Abby thinks I've left her. And as much as it pains me to hear that she's right. I've left her to realize she's more courageous than she ever imagined. I've left her to discover how beautiful she is from the inside out. I've left her to challenge herself in ways she never considered.

I've left her to discover how strong she really is. Abby, it's me. It's me.

It's me, baby. Why did you leave me? I was right here. I was always here.

Where did you go? I was always here, Bateson. No one believes in you more than I do. My dad says he gave me what I needed, not what I wanted.

Love is allowing someone to see their true worth and beauty. I used to think my dreams were over. I thought I'd never run again. And even though I can't see my dad, I know he's guiding me the entire way. And that's the retrospect and life that we should have. I mean, I identified with her at a level of the same one you guys have.

We often feel like we're all alone. And I had a great family, but I felt that way more with God than anyone else in my life. And I knew he was there, but I didn't think he was there other than to bail me out in the worst of circumstances. And that's what happened in this.

And that appealed to me that he was doing little things for her to make her life better before he actually saved her life at the edge of the cliff. But God does that with us. He's not going to let us hurt ourselves. But we do get to do what we called with parenting benign neglect. You leave us on our own so that we can learn from our mistakes that aren't going to be life-threatening. But he's never going to let go of us so that we'll fall completely. He'll let us fall and get back up and come to him when we need him. So if you're listening, I'm sure I feel confident you can relate. Like, wow. I mean, my heart goes all sorts of places when I hear those clips.

And so what's cool is, you know, you've got to go deep in order to allow Jesus to come in and work through some of these things that are really affecting your whole life. And so we've got this entrenchment camp coming up. It is F-R-E-E free. It's a weekend. It's going to be up near Reedsville.

It's all there at masculinejourney.org. I mean, you can join us. If you've always wondered about a boot camp and you just want a taste and you didn't want to take the four days off, you know, in order to do that with a full boot camp experience, the entrenchment is a great introductory offer. And did I mention it was free?

Yes, at least once. And then, of course, you know, we've got another boot camp coming up. And it is the week before Thanksgiving. Is it the 17th through the 20th of November? But, you know, easy for me.

It's the weekend before Thanksgiving. And so, yeah, you've got to ask for a little time off there. But it will be worth it because to me, these aren't issues that you're just going to go, like, spend a few hours on and get resolution to it. And so to actually spend time with God on these very issues that you know have led to the Spirit that you don't seem to have any control over, because I don't know if you've noticed, but I know in my own life, these things pop up and it seems like I don't even have control over why I'm heading in these particular directions.

And there is healing and it is all part of getting your heart back. And again, these things are available through this ministry. And as much as we love doing the radio show, and believe me, we love doing the radio show, oh, do we love doing boot camps. And so, you know, the only way we can really get a chance to go all that God has for you is you actually have to step out on a little bit more faith and realize that God is just wanting to father you.

He just is, you know. And so we're hoping that you will go to masculinejourney.org and get information on the entrenchment if you want to try that coming up October, excuse me, September 30th through October 1st or the boot camp again in November. We're so glad you joined us today. And we've got more coming with the After Hours, so you can go to the podcast and get that on the After Hours of Masculine Journey. We're going to hear Sam's story because he's finally coming out of the oven. This is the Truth Network.